Chapter Text
Levi found his first gray hair in 845.
It was only one – near his left temple – and for a while, he did his best to keep it hidden, all the while trying to surreptitiously check if anyone else in the Survey Corps had started changing too.
No one had.
*
There was one day, before his world went to hell, that Eren grew a full two inches between breakfast and supper. He wasn't eighteen yet, but it wasn't unheard of for someone to grow after running into their soulmate. After his mother had commented on it as the family sat at dinner, Mikasa quietly slunk back to her room to see if she had grown too.
She hadn’t.
Armin said it was because Eren had been trying so hard to see the Survey Corps return – Eren had always been a little crazy about them – but Eren had told him that if he grew two inches every time he saw the Survey Corps, he’d be as tall as the Wall Maria.
The trio had laughed, and promptly forgot.
*
After a while, Levi stopped hiding it. It had been almost five years since it first appeared; five years, yet he didn’t look a day over eighteen.
All he really wanted to do was forget, but the rest of the Corps made that difficult. He’d heard it all, heard the special ops squad taking bets on whether or not he was dying the other hairs black, heard Hanji and Erwin and Mike whispering worriedly about it between themselves when they thought he wasn’t near. Heard two recruits snickering about how they suspected Levi had killed his soulmate in order to live forever, and that his only regret was that he would stay short forever too.
The lavatories had been astonishingly well kept for a month afterward. It was hard not to be meticulous when you were cleaning with a toothbrush.
The last thing Levi wanted was to spend every morning remembering the fact that he had met his soulmate only once, and had never seen them since.
They were probably dead.
*
That night at supper had been the last time Carla Jaeger ever looked on proudly as her son wriggled up against the wall with the nocks in the wood to see how tall he had gotten. She always wondered – for she knew the cause – who her son had met that day, and where they were now, and if they would love Eren as much as she did.
She never got to find out.
When Eren, Armin, and Mikasa enlisted, Armin joked that Eren only wanted to join the Survey Corps so he could grow again, but none of them laughed.
There wasn’t much to laugh about anymore.
*
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Levi grumbled. Having to stand guard over some titan-mutant-freak-brat was bad enough. The hour of the night made it even worse. But now this?
His shins hadn’t hurt this badly since he had lived in the Underground.
And it wasn’t your normal, ‘damn, you’ve been on your feet, running around killing titans all day’ kind of hurt - this was beyond belief. This was a ‘surprise, someone drove two nails into your shinbones!’ kind of hurt, a throbbing ache that wouldn’t get better, no matter what Levi did.
When Hanji had the audacity to tell him, “oh, that sounds like growing pains” after Levi had limped to their room shortly before midnight for help, Levi almost punched them in the nose.
Levi hadn’t grown in years.
*
The muted shock – the grudging admiration – on the captain’s face at Eren’s vicious promise shouldn’t have left Eren feeling so pleased. But Eren, despite the atrocious situation he was in, couldn’t help himself.
It was Levi Ackerman after all. Eren had admired him for years.
That fleeting sense of happiness lessened somewhat as Captain Levi Ackerman kicked the living shit out of him in the courtroom the next morning, but Eren would not be denied. He had made it into the Survey Corps, and he didn’t care if Armin teased him for it later – he stood another inch taller for it.
It wasn’t until Levi sat down next to Eren after the court appeal that Eren noticed the shimmer of gray hair at Levi’s temple.
There were two.
*
Levi couldn’t believe it.
He sat on the edge of his bed, motionless, eyes glued to the sight of his ankles, now exposed from beneath the hem of his pants for the first time in…
…for the first time in years.
He tried on another pair. Maybe the first pair had been shrunk in the wash, maybe they were – shudder – someone else’s. When the second pair was too short, he tried a third. And a fourth.
There was no denying it. Levi had grown two inches, almost overnight.
He scoured his memory, trying with all his might to remember something, anything. Who had he seen again for the first time in five years?
All he could picture was Hanji’s shit-eating grin when they discovered he was wearing high-waters. Levi scowled. If this continued, he’d need a new harness – how many people would talk then?
*
It was Eren who figured it out first – thanks to the way the skin on his face would itch when he was training anywhere near the captain.
It was ridiculous, really.
Levi Ackerman made Eren grow facial hair.
Or facial hairs, to be precise. Six of them, dark and bristly and awkward, at the bottom of his chin. And one on his neck for good measure. For the first time in his life, Eren was immensely glad about his regenerative titan abilities.
He was terrible at shaving.
*
Thankfully, Levi did not grow any taller – years of malnutrition as a child had taken care of that a long time ago. He did, however, have to relocate that black hair-dye. Two more white hairs had joined the first. Every morning, Levi scoured his scalp in the mirror for any sight of more where he couldn’t reach.
He lived in terror of missing one.
*
"Oh my goodness, Eren," Hanji exclaimed, flicking the tape measure back around their wrist. "That's another half an inch! In just two days! I wonder if that's a shifter ability – it can't be what we're feeding you."
But Hanji already knew the answer.
They wondered who it was. Eren was being exposed to all sorts of new people every day, it could be any one of them.
...Well, except for Hanji – they started aging again when they met Moblit.
...Couldn’t be the 104th regiment either, he hadn’t aged a day with them.
...And it didn't seem to be anyone on the special ops squad, though it was hard to tell.
It could be Levi, Hanji mused. Of course, Levi slouched so darn much these days it'd be difficult to see if he had grown, but didn't he still have that hair dye they made for him, back when the first white hair had shown up?
Hanji cracked a wicked grin. There was only one way to find out.
*
"Really Erwin, a recon mission inside the walls?"
Erwin shrugged. "Came in this morning. We need more arable land, and after the fall of the outer wall, people became nervous about living so near the Wall Rose. Many people abandoned the area, but the land may still be good. If so, we definitely need it."
Levi felt his eyes narrow. "So why aren't you sending another squad? Even the recruits could do this."
"We could send another squad, yes, but then our ranks would be down another squad if something were to arise - and if something happened to the squad, they may not be prepared for it. Whereas if we send you..."
"Fine, fine, I understand," Levi snapped. "I've been meaning to request some solo work anyways." It would give him a chance to remove his jacket, which had grown tight across his shoulders.
"But it won't be solo, Levi," Hanji cut in gleefully. "You have a responsibility, remember?"
*
"Pack your bags, kid," Levi grumbled as he flung the basement door open. Eren woke with a jolt, and the open, startled look on his face was, frankly, endearing.
"We're leaving?" Eren spluttered, scrambling to his feet.
"Immediately. Land surveying at the edge of the Wall Rose."
"Did someone from the squad come to wake me already? I didn't mean to fall back aslee-"
"No one came to wake you, kid," Levi replied. "This mission is just the two of us."
Levi wasn't sure if he should've felt insulted by the alarm that blazed across the boy's face.
“We leave at dawn.”
*
“Shit!” Eren hissed, and then he nervously checked over his shoulder.
Levi hadn’t stirred.
Yet.
Dawn was quickly approaching – Eren could see the edge of the sky blushing pink – and Eren stared into the depths of his bag with a growing sense of panic.
He had forgotten to pack a razor.
Eren could feel them when he brushed his chin with his thumb – those short, damningly dark hairs prickling across his skin may very well be the death of him. He briefly considered trying to shave with one of his spare blades, but then rejected the idea.
He’d probably end up accidentally slitting his own throat if the captain happened to wake and startle him.
“Hey, Eren.”
Eren practically jumped out of his skin. He clapped a hand to his chin as he turned to see Levi sitting up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as his blanket slipped from around his shoulders.
Eren felt his heart lurch. “Good morning, Captain,” he spluttered, looking everywhere but Levi’s steel-gray eyes.
Levi gave him a funny look.
“At sunrise, we move.”
*
Eren was acting strangely.
More so than usual.
And it was driving Levi mad.
“Why do you keep doing that?” he finally snapped after asking Eren a question and watching his hand jump to his chin again as the boy turned to stare at him, looking panicked. Before Eren could move out of reach, Levi grabbed his wrist in one hand and Eren’s jaw in the other. He could feel Eren’s pulse fluttering rapidly under his fingertips as he tilted the boy’s face up so he could inspect.
Levi found the stubble instantly and looked back at the boy with a smirk. “Forget something, Jaeger?” he asked, brushing his thumb once over the course black hairs. Eren’s cheeks burned in response.
“It’s alright, kid. Happens to the best of us,” Levi added gently as Eren looked away. “You can use mine, if you'd like; I can use my knife.”
Eren’s eyes widened.
“Thank you, Captain,” he murmured, looking away. He didn’t hazard another glance until Levi moved on, taking the lead again.
Another hair gleamed silver in the sunlight that caught the captain's retreating figure.
*
Eren thought the recon mission would never end.
Every second under the captains's gaze had been agony as he waited for the knife to fall, for the captain to look at him and notice how much Eren's wrists stuck out from the cuffs of his jacket, how he struggled to secure his harness in the same places he had just a week ago, how, by the end of the mission, Eren limped with every step because his boots had suddenly become too tight.
But Levi never did.
As soon as he could, Eren snuck off to the supply closet, hoping that somebody had gone through a major growth spurt in his absence. Eren had a trunk-full of clothes to replace.
"Feeling a little longer in the tooth, Eren?"
Eren froze. A torch blazed to life in the far corner of the room.
"Hanji?!" the boy croaked, heartbeat skittering in his throat.
Hanji grinned, their glasses gleaming in the firelight. "I had a feeling you'd show your face here, if I waited long enough. It's Levi, isn't it."
Eren swallowed hard, unable to speak.
Hanji's smile could've outshone the sun. "I love when I'm right," they beamed. "I had a feeling Levi had started going gray again. Where did you see him, five years ago?"
"Shiganshina," Eren whispered. "I went to see the Survey Corps off."
"You haven't told him yet, have you?" they asked gently.
Eren shook his head.
"Best to let him figure it out on his own, I think."
Eren wasn't so sure he wanted Levi to figure it out at all.
*
Levi stared at his reflection in the mirror.
He looked older. For the first time in over a decade, Levi looked older.
There was a knock at the door, and Erwin let himself in.
"Ah, Levi..." he murmured, stunned. So he had noticed - of course he did. Those icy eyes of his never missed a thing.
Levi said nothing.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Like hell I want to talk about it." Levi's voice cracked.
He had a soulmate.
His soulmate was alive.
And he was here.
"It's Eren-fucking-Jaeger," he hissed.
Eren Jaeger, the titan-shifter, the hope of humanity, the child Levi was tasked to kill, if necessary – Eren Jaeger was Levi's soulmate.
"I know."
All at once, Levi seemed to deflate. He lowered his head heavily into his hands.
"I don't deserve him, Erwin.”
"Do we ever?" Erwin would never be sure. He had stopped aging the day Mike never made it back.
“I have blood. On my hands,” Levi whispered. “So much blood. I have lied, I have stolen, I have cheated, I have killed – I have killed again… and again… and again.”
“You should talk to him.”
Levi was silent for a long, long time.
“I would ruin him.”
*
Levi wasn’t at Eren’s training the next day.
Or the next.
He wasn’t seen at dinner either, or at breakfast in the morning, but the one time Eren summoned up the courage to wander the eastern wing of the Survey Corps’ castle, Eren heard footsteps beyond the door to Levi’s room, pacing back and forth, back and forth. When Levi stopped to call out “who’s there?” Eren suddenly couldn’t take it.
He fled.
*
Levi couldn’t sleep.
It wasn’t unlike him – sleeplessness had been a near constant companion to him for many years – but now, now of all times, Levi wanted nothing more than to sleep and forget.
And he could do neither, so he walked.
The night lay quietly upon the castle’s stone walls, and Levi was quieter, padding through corridors, across ramparts, climbing restlessly, as if he could somehow escape his own thoughts if he just climbed high enough.
“I didn’t think anyone'd find me out here,” someone murmured. Levi whirled.
Eren was sitting on the far side of the shallow rooftop, knees tucked close underneath his chin, arms wound tightly around them. If he had stayed quiet, Levi wouldn’t even have known he was there.
“Shouldn’t you be in the dungeon?” Levi asked. His voice sounded raw, like it hadn’t been used in days.
It hadn’t.
“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” Eren replied.
The kid had a point.
“Why are you barefoot?” The shingles, Levi noticed, were dashed with thin streaks of a dark liquid that reflected faintly in the light of the half-moon, but Eren’s feet were unmarked and whole. Just like the rest of him.
“I outgrew my boots,” Eren breathed a weary sigh. “Again.”
Suddenly, Levi felt like he wasn’t the only who was much older than he appeared. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“I know.”
The moon rose higher.
“When did you... you know?”
Eren looked at Levi for a long time before replying. “Figure it out? A few weeks, ago” he murmured. A smile played at the corner of his mouth. “Being around you made my face itch.”
Levi snorted. “You sure that’s not just allergies, kid?”
“Nope,” Eren replied, popping the sound out with his lips. “Facial hair.”
“…you’re not serious.”
“Cross my heart,” Eren swore solemnly. “That’s how I knew it was you.”
And Levi wanted it to be him. He wanted, more in that moment than ever before, to see where time would take the two of them, wanted to be the one that made him smile like he’d just hung the moon, wanted to be the one who grew old beside him, just like this curse had intended.
“It shouldn’t be me, Eren,” Levi whispered.
Eren was silent.
“You know my orders. I may be your comrade, but damn it, Eren, I’m also your executioner – I am the one who has to kill you if the need arises, and I am the last one who deserves to call you my –”
“It doesn’t matter,” Eren whispered.
“It should.”
“It doesn’t.”
“Eren, listen, please believe me." Levi begged, finally breaking. "I’m no good to you. You are young and brilliant and whole – everything that I’m not. You deserve someone who will protect you, someone who will make you happy, and that someone isn’t m–”
Eren cut his word off with a kiss, his lips pressing urgently to Levi’s, fiercely, as if keeping the words from being said would somehow alter the truth they embodied. When he drew back, far too fast, far too soon, he looked just as stunned as Levi felt. Levi could hear the boy’s heartbeat hammering in his chest.
“When you take up the sword and hold my life in your hands,” Eren murmured, “you are protecting me – protecting me from hurting the people I love.”
“When I fight by your side, we fight for the freedom of humanity and you do make me happy – because the only thing I’ve ever wanted was to be free.”
Levi tried to speak, but his lips tasted like Eren.
“You don't think I'm broken, but I am, Levi. I am…”
When Eren paused, voice choking off into silence, Levi swore the world paused too.
“But when you’re near me, Levi, I feel… whole again. Can’t that be enough?”
And then Levi knew.
Yes.
He would make it enough.