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Despite everything that could have and did go wrong that night, including Leon abandoning them and stealing away their best fighter, Don has to admit that the battle is turning in their favor.
The sea of crates are unguided missiles that rain down on the ferocious armored beast that is the Shredder. He's managing to dodge them, unfazed when a few land on him, using his mass to keep moving as they roll off his shoulder as easily as a basketball.
While any normal man would be crushed under the sheer weight, this magical bull of a man keeps charging, not to be deterred from the boat of innocent New Yorkers that he's deemed his next target.
It's really too bad for him that Don's brothers are just as stubborn and resilient.
Shredder seems to realize that there are too many crates and he uses his momentum to launch himself off the ones mid-fall to reach Mikey's flying ship. Donnie watches with wide eyes as he crashes through the wall that supposed to withstand the cruelest ocean storms like it's papier-mâché.
He looks back at the brother who's barely keeping pace with his hovershell. The earlier awe at Mikey's daring replaced with a new panic as Raph's gaze never leaves their rampaging nemesis.
"Raph-?"
Either his brother knows what he's about to ask or doesn't hear him. Taking into consideration literally everything that's going down, Donnie allows the interruption to slide without a bitter comment, just this once. "Donnie, I'm going to meet him on the other side! Have my back!"
Before Donnie can get a word in, Raph launches himself forward, a hue of bright red left in his wake.
'Having his back' isn't exactly much to go on in terms of a plan and Donnie's hands tighten around the smooth metal. His hovershell automatically accounts for the crates that happen to be heading in his direction, allowing his mind to center around how exactly exactly he was to accomplish Raph's vague instruction.
He had his staff, but that hadn't made a difference in Shredder battles before now. He was not about to test a hypothesis that was already proven to be incorrect. He couldn't take him head on; without the mystic abilities that his brothers possessed that could be suicide. His brothers are giving it their all and he needs to do that too, but without magic, how can he-?
An idea spawns and he's in love with it immediately.
He turns his attention to the inviting screen on his arm. It's almost impossible to focus with the discord around him, but with a lair full of brothers like his, he's used to zoning out in chaos. Within a minute, he's flipped through every mobile machine in his arsenal and summoned it to him on the highest setting for speed.
"POWER PUNCHES AHOY!"
Donnie blinks twice when a shock wave messes with the momentum of his hovershell, momentarily knocking it's smooth course off-balance. He turns his attention back to his surroundings.
It's hard to zone out of the safety of the world of tech and process all of the everything that's happening, but he knows that he has to take it all in before he's forced into a battle that he's not prepared for.
His eyes unconsciously narrow as the powerful glowing behemoth that is his oldest brother shatters, launching Raphael to the side.
A tiny pinch in the back of his mind questions if he should go check up on his brother, but his concentration is already on the mission, and trying to change it now would only be wasted time. Besides, Raph would want him to be the hero and save the obnoxiously loud civilians.
Hero. Now that's a title he could get used to.
He launches his staff and it whirls towards Shredder with a speed that makes something in Donnie spike with newfound confidence.
He estimates where it'll land and swerves around Shredder to meet it, landing on the ground and catching it in a move that has to be way cooler than anything Leon's ever accomplished. He can't help it if there's a smirk on his face as there's a light buzzing against his arm, a warning about the immediate arrival of his tech.
He can feel the confidence soaring through him; the smug grin making it's way across his face when it's unable to be contained. "All of my tech is standing by."
There's a familiar hum as he straightens and Donnie could not be more thrilled with the perfect timing of machines, his mechanically purring babies of destruction settling at all sides around him.
They'd never let him down before and they certainly weren't starting now.
He settles his bo against his shoulder, the ground beneath him beginning a welcoming rumble. "And I mean- all my tech."
The drill pops out of the ground behind him just as a firework goes off in the distance, and Donnie finds that he doesn't mind the reckless teenagers quite so much now. He was so going to recount every part of this take-down in perfect detail whenever Leon decided to show his face again.
Shredder screeches in frustration and charges, but Donnie is unphazed. He spins his staff, hitting the activation button as it twirls between nimble fingers, and then gestures towards Shredder in a marvelous show of theatrics.
"EAT SCIENCE!”
There it is, the whirl in his gut that shoots through his chest like static electricity, shoving out the neutral and replacing it with a buzz that feels so right. His neutral mood is comfortable and normal, but this is- dare he say it- exhilarating.
Pride joins the buzz as his weapons zoom at Shredder in a flurry of glorious explosions, not one of the missing their mark.
The brilliance of the buzz vanishes when Shredder tackles each one of them, ruthlessly tearing them to pieces before his eyes. His babies are nothing more than metal and wires, dead before they had a chance to truly live. A stunned confusion takes over as he watches the armored claws slash through the drill like it was nothing, destroying the masterpiece that he'd spent months working tirelessly on.
-wait. No, this is wrong- this is wrong-
Shredder turns his attention to him and it occurs to Donnie that now there's nothing keeping the raging beast from doing the exact same thing to him.
The panic is just as instantaneous as the buzz, but it's painfully gut-churning, and nauseating. He stares into the cold, hating eyes that are barely more than points of fiery light and suddenly he can't think straight- it's never been this bad. He's been scared before, but this- it's heavy and all-consuming- he's never felt this-
Shredder leaps for him and it's both familiar and brand new in a way that sends terror shooting through him. He scrambles into a run and presses the command on his staff, the hovershell appearing as he goes. He has a running start and he leaps in the hopes of getting some space between them so that he can stop being smothered under this horrible fear and he can just think-
Metal encloses around his leg and he hits the ground hard, a scream leaving after his limbs and jaw slam the concrete, pain shooting up his body in waves. The metal claws leave his legs and he makes a desperate attempt to stand, feeling the impact as his hover compartment is torn from his battle shell.
He knows what's coming next; he just knows and he ignores his trembling limbs, accepting the burst of strength the fear gives as he desperately scrambles to his feet-
Claws sink into the soft flesh of his carapace, past the layer of metal that has been defending it for years, and Donnie screams in agony as the claws retract, tearing out more than just titanium.
A mix of purple metal stained with scarlet land just outside of his vision and his vision blurs with tears as he gasps for air, the torture consuming all that as he trembles on the ground- wishing for his brothers, begging for his brothers, it hurts- it hurts, where were they- why would they leave him like this- why did he think he could do this he should have known, he should have predicted, Raph, Mikey, Leon- Leo, you’d said we'd be okay, you said it would be fine-
Shredder roars and he almost sounds proud.
Donnie makes the mistake of looking up just as their bloodthirsty foe raises his hand again, brown shell and blood sticking against the unreasonably sharp glove. He tore through- Oh, man, he should be dead right now- it hurts everything hurts- he should be dead this is wrong he should be dead- why isn't he dead-
Everything floods him all at once as he barely manages to curl into a fetal position, burying his head in his arm as the sobs escape without his consent, listening to the soft whoosh of air as Shredder goes for the kill.
No, no, please, guys, help- Raph, Leo, I can't- I can't pops- daddy PLEASE-
His eyes snap open and the reality that he's greeted with is pitch black, pain rocketing across his body in phantom waves. He knows he's in bed; he can feel the covers over and beneath him, but the terror sinks under his skin anyway, clawing it's way to ever nook and cranny of his mind.
His hands flies to his wrist and his fist slams the faintly glowing button on the screen, bringing his light on just enough to reveal his bedroom. His carapace stings to a lesser degree, more like an irritating itch than anything else, but it's there and it's present and he was hit, he was damaged, it was real-
His hands fly to his plastron as he struggles with the buttons, peeling the purple shirt from his sweat-soaked body. He kicks off the blanket and scrambles out of bed. His shaky legs almost give out of him, but he wills them to walk, nightshirt hanging in his hand as he practically trips over his own feet.
His three-piece mirror is left open on the other side of the room, and he spins to point his shell at it, looking in the reflection to find a soft brown carapace, intact and only barring faint scratches from armored claws that hadn't pierced through.
The nightmare and his memory mingle, but he tries to throw the dream away because it wasn't true and he'd made it out okay, and he was healing and it wasn't a big deal and everything was fine-
He stumbles back over the to bed and his arms shoot out to catch him when he almost face plants the sheets, shirt slipping from his hands onto the floor. His heart won't stop it's erratic beat and there's a weird floating feeling in his head and his hands won't stop shaking- he doesn't like this- he doesn't like it, he wants it to stop- why won't it stop-
He needs his shell. He's so exposed and he can't be exposed like this. He needs his battle shell but- frantic eyes dart around the room and come up with nothing. His air is contracting into his lungs and no more wants to leave. He falls to his knees, using the bed for support, desperately trying to remember where his battle shell is so that he can make this stop-
His lab!
He was doing repairs! It's in his lab!
Adrenaline shoots through his body in violent flood and he's barreling for the door before he makes the conscious decision to stand. There's a violent thud as he crashes through, but he pays it no mind, wheezing in a weak breath as he turns a corner, crashing into the wall when he's unable to stop.
He clutches it as the world spins, his legs threatening to give out on him when a fierce trembling halts his mission. He needs the battle shell- he needs to breathe- he needs to think- his battle shell- he needs this to stop- he needs- he needs- he needs-
"Don?"
His twin appears beside him and his new panic drives him to tear away from the wall to face him. His legs give out without the support and he hits his knees, something shattering before a haze of blue drops in front of him, a steady arm slipping around his plastron to pull him back upright.
"Donnie?! Don! Bro!"
-he needs- he needs help- he needs Leo-
His reaches up to grab his shirt, staring at the hand that clutches the fabric as it knocks against the plastron underneath. He tightens his grip as Leo starts to pull away in shock. "Lab- Lab, I need- battle shell- battle shell-
"But isn't it-"
"Hermano, please.” Don can't take sass or refusal from Leo, not right now, not when he so desperately needs help. He just wants to make this all stop- he needs the neutral, needs the familiar, he hates this- he hates this-
"Okay, okay." Leo's tone is cautious as he carefully scoops his free arm around Donnie's shoulders, the younger twin shuddering at the contact to his shell. "Okay, we're standing up now. Getting to our feet. Easy does it."
His knees tremble as he stands, his jaw locked as he keeps his attention on the friendly blue screen on his arm. It's gentle glow is familiar and he stares at it as he shoves down the urge to shove Leon away, to make him stop touching him.
They take a few steps and Donnie feels like he's suffocating, like gravity changed as he slept and the new weight was crushing him. All he wants to do is to make it stop but he can't- he needs his shell- he needs it now-
"Guys!"
"Raph!" Leo's cry is equally as relieved as Raph's is panicked. His eldest brother's panic feels like another burden and he's smothered, tightening his grip on Leo's nightshirt as he tries to ground himself.
"What happened?!"
"Don't know. He's up in there again." Donnie wishes they'd stop discussing him like he wasn't there. He is and he can hear them and it was embarrassing and why weren't they walking they needed to get to the lab. “-can barely talk. Hyperfocused on his battle shell."
"Leo." He can't help it if it comes out as a whine.
"Donnie? Donnie? Hey, maybe you should sit down." Mikey- that was Mikey's voice- how long had Mikey been there?- wait, sit down, no-
"Don't you dare- don't you-" He nestles closer to Leo, looking away from the comfort of the screen to glare at his younger brother, panic shooting high. They can't give Leo ideas- he can't sit down- he needs his battle shell- why couldn't they see that- it was his- it was safe- he needed the shell! “Need it- the lab- battle shell, I need it-”
"Donnie-"
The tone that Leo's using warns of betrayal and Donnie tries to shove away from him. If he won't help then he'll get there himself. “No, no, I need it-”
What was wrong with them, why were they doing this to him-
Leo proves to be stronger, which Donnie blames on his weakened state, and tightens his grip, forcing him to stay put. His twin's voice is easy calm, the control rod to his spiraling neutrons. "Then that's exactly what we're going to get you. Raph?"
Two large arms gently tear him away from Leo and hoist him up from the ground. He looks up to see a familiar gaze radiating with worry.
His gaze darts down to the blue screen again, ignoring the fact that he was practically being held like a infant, his eldest brother's careful hold rubbing against his carapace. He shudders and sinks into his shell, curving a bit so he can type out something on the blue screen, turning on the lights to his lab.
The familiar sky blue calms him a bit and he can feel Raphael’s breathing increase as he sprints, allowing Donnie a few minutes to study the blue and dissociate.
The fear is like a parasite, he notes. It was infecting his brothers- he wasn't supposed to be the one who allowed it to take hold. He was normally the clear headed brother. This wasn't normal.
It wasn't new, he didn't think. But that didn't make it normal either.
His brother moves fast and in no time at all they're standing in front of the lab. Donnie squirms in Raph's hold, forcing his older brother to release him. Despite his unsteady legs, he hurries into the lab, both hands grabbing the back of his chair and pulling it away as he recalls that the battleshell is on his desk.
All the blood drains from his face at what he finds.
The entire back of the battle shell is in the unfinished process of being mended, tools and equipment lying near it, large pictures of the clawed hole decorating his computer screen. There's a few drops of red in those photos and his carapace itches as the recollection of the scars that decorate it.
Nightmare and memory are one as he scrambles back from the desk, turning and barreling into his younger brother.
"Donnie?" Mikey looks startled and concerned as he jerks away, stumbling and tripping, hitting the ground hard.
He scoots back when Mikey reaches out- get out- get out- don't touch- get out- and curls his legs to his plastron defensively when he makes no more motions to come forward. His trembling hands come up to clutch his goggle-less head, a paced line of chirps escaping under his breath.
His surroundings blur along the edges as he wheezes, trying to keep control- he needed that- he needed the battle shell and now he didn't have it- it was broken, Shredder destroyed it- just like how he destroyed- almost destroyed- practically killed him.
He squeezes his eyes shut and screams. He's unsure what he's screaming at- he needs some release from the unrelenting gravity that's pressing down on him, he needs to be able to think again- he needs this to stop- he wants everyone to stop- he hates this- he hates this- he hates this-
There's a hand on his arm and he yanks it back. "Don't touch me- don't touch me-!"
Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop-
Someone's talking in a low tone. He doesn't care- he doesn't care- stop it- stop- why can't they just- "Leave me alone!”
Don't leave. Please, don't leave me here alone. I need help, I hate this, I need this to stop, I can't- I can't-
"Heeeey, Donnie." Bright and cheerful and uncaring of personal space- that's Leo. "I got you a battle shell. That's what you need, right? The shell?"
Donnie's eyes snap open and he spots his twin crouching in front of him with the familiar purple shell. He lurches forward and his fingers curve around the sides as he makes sure it's real.
Leo smiles at him and slides it from his fingers, moving around him. He can feel as it slips into place; the familiar metal shielding delicate shell from the dangers of the world.
Just as suddenly as it appeared the weight and panic and fear zaps back out of existence. Donnie drops forward and sucks in a long breath like the air in the room was abruptly returned, dimly aware that Leon's back by his side.
He feels numb, but it's not a bad kind of numb. Numb was better than scared. So much better. So, so much better.
"There we go, bro. This was a bad one, huh?" He kneels down and pulls Donnie into a firm hug, and Donnie can feel the subtle quivering of his arms around him.
Leo's voice remains deceptively calm, and it makes the hug easier to bear. "Good thing I remembered that spare in the turtle tank. Who ever said you have all the brains? I mean, it doesn't have all your gadgets yet, but it's still a battle shell. It's still what you needed. You have what you needed now. You're okay."
Leo's arms relax and rest comfortably against the battle shell. He finds that he doesn't want to shove him away this time, a final sob breaking free as he loops a hand around Leo to scrub at his tear-stricken face, letting it sag onto Leo's shell after- he wasn't returning the hug. He just didn't want to move his arm.
"That's it, Dee." Leo whispers as Donnie's studies the blue of his shirt, a darker, striped shade of that on his screen. "Everything's okay. You have what you need."
"He broke my shell." He suddenly whimpers into Leo's shirt, trying not to let the images drag him down. This wasn't embarrassing. It was okay. Leo wasn't teasing. He understands. He's his twin- he has to "You left us. You left and we were fighting- he broke my shell! You weren't there. You absolute dumb-dumb- you weren't- I thought he was going to kill me!
"I'm sorry." The optimism in his voice fades into a guilty whisper as Leo buries his head in his neck, clutching him tighter. "I'm sorry I wasn't there. I didn't think-"
"You never think." Donnie sniffles. "You just do- and it works for you, but I can't- you weren't there- we're a team and you left.”
"He's right."
Raph's voice is soft and Donnie suddenly realizes that they have company, pulling away from Leo to face them. Mikey's wrapped around one of Raph's sides with teary eyes and Raph looks exhausted. They hadn't fought Shredder too long ago and none of them had gotten proper sleep since then.
Raph looks at Leo somberly. "You just left. You can't just leave us in the middle of a crisis, Leo. You're a part of the team. We need you."
"We didn't even know if you'd come back in time." Mikey admits quietly. "We wanted to believe it, but you just left us hanging forever. Totally uncool."
"I-" Leo cuts off and Donnie faces him, realizing that his face is line with tears and his shoulders are shaking as he tries to hold it in.
Large hands grabs a hold of them both and they're pulled onto Raph's lap- for Darwin's sake, they aren't five- but now Mikey's on his other side and Leo's curled against him, an arm around his plastron.
He's effectively being held down with the extra seat belt of Raph's arm somehow fitting around all of them. He doesn't fight it, letting the moment stretch on as he leans his head on top of Leo's head and closes his hand around the smaller hand that snakes against his palm.
Leo exhales a long breath, voice choked. "I should have been more clear with you guys. Took you with me. Let Raph make a plan- something. I just... Wanted to prove you guys could trust me."
"We do." Raph swears, and Donnie can feel the rumble of his plastron underneath the red pjs. Mikey and Donnie mutter their agreement before Raph continues, "But we're a team. You can't jump the gun without us. There's no solo trips unless we decide it. The Mad Dogs face things together. That's how we roll."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't do it again." Donnie huffs, followed by rapid nods from their youngest brother. "You can't prove yourself to us if your not around, dummy."
"I'll keep that in mind." Leo rubs his sleeve against his beak before peeking up at Donnie. "Was that what that was about? A nightmare of Shredder?"
"He broke through my shell and killed me." Donnie states, the familiar trickling of panic sinking in. "It wasn't pretty, let me tell you. I'd rate the experience as a solid 'hope it never happens again'."
"It won't." Mikey replies with a yawn as he nuzzles against his shoulder.
"Yeah." Raph agrees brightly. "Shredder's back in his prison dimension. Doubt he's ever gonna be coming back."
"You're welcome." Leo smirks as some more weight shifts against Donnie, his eyes closed as his head lags.
Donnie pokes his forehead and leads it to a spot that won't leave a crink in his neck when he sits up. There's something indescribably snug about the position they're in, even if it's a little more smushed than he would prefer.
Don glances up at Raph and sees that their oldest brother is watching with a fond grin. Suddenly catching on to the turn of events, he scrunches up his face in disapproval. "I have a bed."
Raph's smile reaches his eyes. "You are the bed.”
"What?" Donnie looks between his dozing siblings. "Oh. I'm trapped, aren't I?"
"Go to sleep, Donnie."
Donnie releases a long-suffering sigh, a familiar neutrality slipping back into place as if it never left. It's like an old friend, welcome and familiar. "If I must."
Donnie knows that Raph can fall asleep anywhere as long as he has physical contact of some sort, so he has no qualms with letting his burning eyes fall shut.
He feels Leo stir when he allows himself to relax, his twin muttering something under his breath as he squeezes Donnie's midsection. Mikey hums absently, the sound vibrating against his arm and flowing through his mind, tossing aside the images that he didn't want around anyway. Raph's breathing slowly evens out, joining their brothers in the world of dreams.
Donnie breaths in, and then out, and allows himself a small smile.
The rest of the day passes in a dreamless sleep.