Tattooed hands and baking powder

by milaskv

Summary:

Taehyung didn’t think that falling in love with Jeongguk when he was nine years old meant that he would never fall out of love with him. 

Taehyung also didn’t think that Jeongguk would be so goddamn oblivious about it. He surely never thought that Jeongguk had been in love with him too, all of this time.

Notes:

For Deanna <3

I hope you enjoy.

Xoxo, mila.

 

||| I was seven and you were nine |||

 

Life when you’re not even tall enough to reach the monkey bars on the playground feels so simple. It’s simple when you don’t have to think about much of anything. It stopped being simple when Jeongguk first met Taehyung, because when you’re seven years old you don’t think about many things. Mostly what’s to eat and if glue tastes as good as it looks. But meeting Taehyung was weird . Weird because Taehyung made Jeongguk’s head kind of fuzzy. Weird the way he found himself scrounging around the playground while all of the other kids were running around. Trying so hard to find something pretty enough. Something that would maybe make the boy with messy hair on the bench, smile. Seven year old Jeongguk didn’t know he had a crush on the boy that’s been by his brother’s side for as long as he can remember because feelings don’t make sense when you’re that little. But what he did know is that Taehyung makes his tummy feel just as excited as when his mommy makes cookies. 

 

|||

 

Being friends with Jimin meant being taken anywhere, even if you didn’t want to go. At nine years old, Taehyung had no desire to hangout at the park with all of the neighborhood kids. He would much rather have spent time at home with his best friend. Drawing or watching the funny cartoons that only show one day a week. But Jimin’s mommy was strict about outside playing time and Taehyung’s mommy had to work on the weekends so he had no choice but to go with the Jeon’s wherever that took him. 

 

The youngest Jeon is kind of silly. With his big teeth and round eyes. He always runs around like a wild animal that Jimin has to follow around to make sure he doesn’t disappear. Which is why today Taehyung remembered to bring the new chapter book he just got. He only has two chapters left to see if they catch the bad guy and he’s determined to find out. But he gets distracted, because the youngest Jeon is acting weird . He’s digging around in bushes and plants and asking to get poison ivy!!! Taehyung would go and stop him himself, but this chapter is just so good and at nine years old Taehyung was selfish. So he didn’t pay attention anymore. That is until he had no choice, because the youngest Jeon is sprinting full speed in Taehyung's direction with hands tied behind his back. 

 

He sits his book down and waits patiently, until Jeongguk is in front of him and pushing a giant bunch of flowers into his hands, “these are cool, right?” 

 

“Yeah.” Taehyung looks at them and feels a strange sensation on his cheeks. It’s like the sun is burning right on his skin!! “They are pretty cool. I like the colors.” 

 

“Okay.” Jeongguk nodded before turning around and sprinting towards Jimin. Taehyung watches as the youngest Jeon tackles his brother to the ground unexpectedly. The two of them wrestling around and it brought a big smile to his face. Nine year old Taehyung wasn’t sure what this feeling in his tummy was, but what he did know is that the youngest Jeon is his favorite one. 

 

||| Your eyes they shine, like pretty lights |||

Being fifteen is hard. 

 

It’s hard because Taehyung has never fought with Jimin before, in all of the years that they’ve been friends. (It’s been literally forever) . So walking to school by himself really sucks. He takes forever and his eyes swell up with water so many times on the twenty five minute walk. It was a stupid fight anyway. They shouldn’t be fighting. Even their other best friend Yoongi told them it was stupid. But if Jimin won’t apologize, Taehyung won’t either. Even if that means showing up to school with puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. 

 

He stops by Jeon's convenience store, hoping a good snack will make the ache in his heart go away. But he wasn’t expecting Jeongguk to be sitting on the curb. Munching on an ice cream first thing in the morning. “You’re gonna get cavities.” 

 

“Not if I brush my teeth right after” Jeongguk smiled brightly. He must not know what’s going on because he says “where’s hyung?” 

 

“Um. I don’t know.” 

 

“Huh?” Jeongguk’s head tilts. Eyes flickering all over Taehyung’s face. Clearly starting to notice the swelling around his eyelids and the streaks down his cheeks. “Did you guys fight?” 

 

“It doesn’t matter.” Taehyung hurries passed him. Finds his favorite bag of chips and fills up an ice cup with the best peach juice. Normally he would split it with Jimin bu—

 

“He was up really late last night, I figured Hoseok-hyung broke up with him or something.” 

 

Taehyung looks over his shoulder at Jeongguk who smiles softly. In the last year Jeongguk had a mini growth spurt. Went from being much shorter than Taehyung to practically the same height. In a few years he might even be taller… brat. Stiffens up as he huffs, “yeah, well they walked to school without me so they are just fine .” 

 

“C’mon, we can walk together.” 

 

“Don’t you normally wait for your basketball friends?” 

 

“Yeah.” Jeongguk shrugs “but walking with you is more important than walking with people I see everyday. Besides, you know mom will yell at you for walking alone. Let’s go.” 

 

Taehyung pays at the little checkout kiosk. Hoping to avoid Mrs. Jeon because he really doesn’t want her to ask why he wasn’t at their house this morning. They didn’t arrange for it, but when he walks out of school that same day, Jeongguk is waiting against the gate. This weird thing happens in Taehyung’s chest that feels like a lot of pressure. He has to shake his head to dust whatever it is off. But Jeongguk smiling warmly at him makes the pressure come right back. “I see you haven’t made up yet..” 

 

“No. I haven’t seen him all day.” 

 

Jeongguk doesn’t say anything else because he doesn’t know what to say, but he pulls out his headphones and gives one of the earbuds to Taehyung to wear. Putting on some music and allowing themselves to walk comfortably home. 

 

Nearly midnight, that same evening, when Taehyung is staring at the ceiling and trying to make sense of the pressure in his chest that still hasn’t gone away. It’s surely not because of Jeongguk, Taehyung has totally gotten over whatever silly crush he formed on the younger. It’s absurd and Jeongguk would never like him anyway. Why does he even care? He doesn’t want Jeongguk to like him. Taehyung doesn’t like him. He’s just sweet and kind of goofy and—his phone pinging serves as a good distraction from his thought spiral. Jimin being the one making it ping does even more so. 

 

From jimininininie<3 ; I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight any more.

 

To jimininininie <3 ; I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have accused you of trying to replace me.

 

From jimininininie<3 ; No one could ever replace you, you’re my best friend in my life.

 

To jimininininie <3 ; You still think so :(

 

From jimininininie<3 ; Always, Taetae. Walk with us to school tomorrow?

 

To jimininininie <3 ; Yeah. I’ll be there in the morning.

 

From jimininininie<3 ; You didn’t walk alone today did you? :(

 

To jimininininie <3 ; No. Um. Jeongguk actually walked with me, from your parents store.

 

From jimininininie<3 ; Of course he did ㅋㅋㅋ

 

To jimininininie <3 ; What do you mean???

 

From jimininininie<3 ; He’s like…in love with you.

 

To jimininininie <3 ; No he’s not!! ㅋㅋㅋ

 

From jimininininie<3 ; Yeah he is, but mom already told him to get over it because you’re like another brother to us. Don’t tell him I told you, he’s starting to get strong and I don’t feel like fighting. 

 

To jimininininie <3 ; I still think you’re crazy, just like your mom said, we’re all like family. He definitely does not view me like that. xD 

 

From jimininininie<3 ; Whatever you say, Taetae. See you in the morning!!

|||

Fifteen is weird because Jeongguk kind of can’t stand being around his brother right now but he kind of loves being around Taehyung, and he cannot have one without the other. Especially since Hoseok went away to college, Jimin is back to being attached to Taehyung’s hip. 

 

Which, to be fair , Jeongguk has no right to be upset about. Taehyung was always Jimin’s friend. But…sometimes it's kind of nice when Jimin ditches them to sneak out with Hoseok and so he and Taehyung are left alone. 

 

Like they are right now. Sitting on the ledge of his bedroom window and watching some type of firework show that pops off in the distance. Neither of them have any idea what the fireworks are even for but the view is pretty and Taehyung is pretty. So pretty. So so so pretty. Jeongguk cannot get over how unbelievably pretty Taehyung is. He knows that Taehyung won’t ever see him as anything more than a kid brother and that’s fine…it’s not fine. But it’s fine. He came to terms with it a long time ago. 

 

However, when Taehyung takes a deep breath and says “I’m scared to go to university after next year…I don’t even know where I’d want to go.” Jeongguk’s heart nearly stops beating. Because the two years between him and Jimin feel like nothing. But those same two years, when put between him and Taehyung feel like a lifetime of distance. Taehyung is going to go away and Jeongguk won’t have anyone to sit on this ledge with on late autumn evenings anymore. He takes a sharp breath and speaks softly. Looking at Taehyung out of the corner of his eye, “do you have any college’s in mind?”

 

“There’s an art school in Seoul. It’s close enough to the performing arts school, so that Jiminie and I could get an apartment together instead of a dorm.” 

 

“Seoul?” Jeongguk wants to cry. “That’s so far..” 

 

“It’s not really that far…” Taehyung shrugs and leans against Jeongguk’s shoulder. He yawns big and loud and Jeongguk realizes that he shouldn’t say anything, anyway. He wouldn’t change Taehyung’s mind and he shouldn’t . Two years and then he would probably be in Seoul too. Not like it matters. It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t . But then Taehyung just has to speak softly, “I will miss you though. Our nighttime talks are nice. So let's make the most of this next year.” 

 

||| friends don’t call you in the middle of the night |||

 

Adjusting to university life is strange but Taehyung is impressed with himself. He thought it would be much harder to fit in. Yet here he is, heading into the second semester and he has a living room filled with two new friends he made in the last four months. Namjoon and Seokjin are deep in a drunken midnight discussion over whether or not the books or movies of Harry Potter are better, when Taehyung’s phone rings unexpectedly. 

 

No one ever calls him this late at night. Reaching his bedroom he’s surprised to see Jeongguk’s contact lighting up his phone. Normally the other just sends a text, even if it’s important, so the nerves he feels when accepting the call are through the roof. 

 

“Hello?” 

 

“Oh.” Jeongguk clears his through and stumbles over his words, “I wasn’t expecting you to pick up..um, I was going to leave a voicemail..I—“

 

“Jeonggukkie..” Taehyung giggles softly. Face still warm from the vodka he’s been drinking and now his chest feels warm because it’s been months since he’s heard Jeongguk’s voice. “What’s on your mind?” 

 

“Um…er…I—“ he chuckles through the phone and Taehyung swallows the pitiful lump in his throat. Jeongguk’s voice goes soft when he murmurs “I just wanted to say hi.” 

 

“Hi?” 

 

“Yeah…dunno. It’s been awhile. Miss you.” 

 

Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. 

 

“I miss you too.” 

 

‘Taehyung-ahhhhh, come back out! Jimin and Yoongi and Hobi are here, it’s time for shots!!!’

 

“Having a party or something?” Jeongguk speaks and Taehyung doesn’t know what he’s hearing in Jeongguk’s voice but it’s something . Something that nearly makes him shiver. “Yeah…last hoorah before the new semester.” 

 

“Mm. I’ll let you go then. Like I said, uh, I wasn’t expecting you to answer so..” 

 

Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.

 

“Okay…” inhale, exhale. “I’m glad I did.”

 

“Goodnight, Taehyungie.” 

 

“Goodnight, Jeonggukkie.” 

|||

 

In hindsight, Jeongguk realizes that it started with the phone calls. Well, it didn’t start with the phone calls. It started before they even knew how to make a phone call. But the phone calls are when the feelings in his heart become detrimental. 

 

There is no reason why a senior in high school should be looking forward to crawling into bed instead of hanging out with his friends. He shouldn’t be rushing to get home from games and practices and outings. He certainly shouldn’t be hiding away alone in the bunks while the rest of his class is out enjoying the hot springs they’re at for the class trip. 

 

Yet here he is, thumb hovering over Taehyung’s contact and leaning out over the open window. He can see and hear everyone goofing off in the hot springs below him. But the moment Taehyung’s voice rips through the speaker he’s focused on the call. 

 

“Hi” 

 

“Hey. Aren’t you on your class trip? I wasn’t expecting a call.” 

 

“Um, yeah. It’s kind of boring though…so—“ 

 

‘Tae. Are you coming back to bed?’

 

Jeongguk’s fingers clench around the phone unconsciously. That’s not any of the voices he’s used to. “Is someone over?” 

 

“Yeah. One of my friends from the art program had too much to drink so he’s crashing at my place.” 

 

“Oh.” Jeongguk does not feel good. He shouldn’t care. He doesn’t care. Taehyung is an adult, in university, with his own place…and and he certainly is dating people. Jeongguk is just his stupid kid friend that—

 

“Tell me about the trip. Why is it boring?” 

 

“I—It doesn’t matter, but…are they like, in your bed?” 

 

“Um..” Taehyung giggles and Jeongguk loves the sound but his stomach just hurts . “..where else would someone sleep? If you ever take the train up to visit us you could feel it. I got this super fluffy mattress.” 

 

“Why?” 

 

“Why what?” 

 

“Nothing.” Jeongguk is so stupid. He’s going to be all weird and then Taehyung won’t want to talk anymore…and

 

“He got into a pretty bad fight with his girlfriend. Rather than toughening up and talking to her, he tried to hide with alcohol and anime. But it’s not working—“

 

‘I heard that!”  

 

Taehyung and Jeongguk both laugh softly. The rage that was burning starts to calm down. His fingers finally relaxing around his phone when Taehyung speaks quietly, “you should try to have fun on your trip Jeonggukkie. Everything changes once you leave high school. You won’t talk to a lot of these people again.” 

 

“Well, I’ll still talk to the ones that really matter. Right?” 

 

“I suppose so.” Taehyung yawns and Jeongguk decides to call him again, another time, when he doesn’t have someone over. Another time, when Jeongguk’s heart isn’t making him all confused. 

 

“Let’s talk later, Taehyungie. I’m gonna get ready for bed.”

 

“‘Kay. Promise to spend some time with your classmates tomorrow?” 

 

Jeongguk laughs sweetly, “I promise.” 

 

“Goodnight, Guk.” 

 

“Night, Tae.” 

 

|||

Jimin has been suspiciously quiet for an entire week. Taehyung was about ready to hold him down and demand an explanation. They’re preparing for end of year exams and he knows it’s stressful, but Jimin being completely silent and hardly leaving his room for a week? Something is wrong. But before Taehyung can barge into Jimin’s room, the other is knocking on his door. 

 

“I was just about to come talk to you…are you—“ 

 

“My parents are getting divorced.” 

 

“What?” Taehyung’s chest feels heavy all of a sudden. Looking at Jimin who wraps his arms around himself. “I know that I’m like…gonna be twenty and definitely shouldn’t be so upset over this but—“ 

 

Taehyung tugs Jimin into his arms and hugs him tight. Feels the way he cries, even if it’s silent, he just stands there and hugs him as tight as he can. “It doesn’t matter how old you are. We all want to believe that our parents will be together forever. I’m so sorry Min.” 

 

They sit and talk for hours cuddled up together on their couch. Jimin talking about the way his parents started fighting a year ago because the convenience store business is not doing well. The costs of goods increased too much and customers stopped buying as much when the prices had to reflect the inflation. It makes more sense now why Jimin and Jeongguk both got a part time job at the same time. Taehyung couldn’t figure out why they both suddenly were so incessant on finding work. It makes him feel even sadder, to know that his two best friends in the world have been trying desperately to help their parents hold on. 

 

It’s only after Jimin has fallen asleep well into the early morning hours that Taehyung curls himself into bed. He stares at his messages with Jeongguk for too long. Trying to find the words to say..trying to figure out if he should say anything at all. But he figures if nothing else, just saying hi is worth the call since they haven’t talked in a couple of weeks. 

 

A very exhausted Jeongguk answers the phone, “h’llo?”

 

“Hi…” instant regret “I’m sorry for calling so late.” 

 

“Why y’sorry? It’s ‘Kay. What’s wrong Tae?” 

 

“Nothings wrong…I just..wanted to say hi. See how you’re doing.” 

 

Jeongguk is silent for a few minutes too long, Taehyung worries that he shouldn’t have said anything at all. But then a soft sigh rumbles through the speaker “it’s been hell. I’m super f’ckin tired from workin so much, on top of school and entrance exams and then this shit with my parents.” 

 

“Jimin told me.” Taehyung whispers just to rip the bandaid off. So Jeongguk doesn’t think he has to explain. “I’m so sorry.” 

 

“Don’t apologize. Nothing anyone could’ve done. If you fall out of love, you fall out of love. I just want them to be happy again.” His voice falters and Taehyung realizes all at once that for the last two years Jeongguk has been alone . The younger whispers “All they do is fight. Can’t drown it out no matter how loud I play my music.” 

 

“Why don’t you take the train this weekend? Just get away and come hangout with us.” Taehyung tries to keep his voice down “I think Jimin could use a distraction too…” He wants to say and it’s been so long since i’ve seen you. But that’s not something you say to your friend anyway. 

 

Jeongguk takes a few deep breaths before he speaks quietly, “I have to work..”

 

“Call off.” Stop. You’re being too pushy. This is so fucking weird. “Just this once.” 

 

“I…” Taehyung can hear the way Jeongguk hesitates. There’s a tapping noise that’s likely caused by the other’s fingers hitting against the back of his phone when he says “What, I’ll just crash on your guys’ couch?” 

 

Ba-dum. 

 

“Yeah.” ba-dum. “or you can try out my fluffy mattress.” 

 

“Aren’t you guys coming home soon for summer this year??” 

 

Taehyung realizes that Jimin probably got too caught up with the family drama to even tell his family that they both got the internships they applied for. “No, we both have things to do this summer… here . In Seoul.” 

 

“Oh. again??” Jeongguk clears his throat and Taehyung is scared he’s about to say no but then.. “I guess if I want to see you guys I’m going to have to come there.” 

 

“I guess so.” Taehyung giggles. Fucking cackles into the phone like a child. He feels ridiculous. But the way Jeongguk laughs softly after makes him feel like maybe it’s okay. 

 

“I’ll think about it. But Tae, you need to go to sleep. It’s late .” 

 

“I will..” his heart is pounding “you need to sleep too. And…if you want to talk about anything, you can talk to me, okay?” 

 

“I know I can. Thank you.” 

 

“‘Kay.” 

 

“Alright.” Jeongguk laughs again. So soft and sweet and Taehyung hates the way he can’t stop these feelings no matter how hard he tries. 

 

“Goodnight Guk.” 

 

“Goodnight, Tae”

 

As soon as the phone hangs up, Jeongguk looks up at Mingyu who is staring intently with a smirk on his face. “What? Go back to sleep.” 

 

“I can’t believe you’ve never stopped crushing on him. It makes me feel so sad for you. Just confess already.” 

 

“No.” Jeongguk scoffs “shut up or you can walk to work in the morning.” 

 

“Dude…why? Like for real, why don’t you just tell Taehyung that you’ve been madly in love with him since you were kids and be happy ever after?” 

 

“Because.” Jeongguk jolts up and brings his pillow to smack Mingyu in the head “because Taehyung doesn’t like me like that. He views me like fucking family. So what, I push away one of my best friends because I can’t get over a silly crush?” 

 

“Guk. It’s two in the fucking morning, why did he call you?” 

 

Jeongguk huffs, “It doesn’t matter.”

 

“Didn’t sound like anything important. Not important enough for a two a.m. call” 

 

Jeongguk is really getting pissed off, “why are you pushing this so hard? Drop it.” 

 

“Because ‘friends’ don’t do that! You can’t even tell me why he called!” 

 

“He just called to talk! We do that! And it’s been a few weeks so he was checking in. Why are you making this something that it’s not?” 

 

“Whatever.” Mingyu laughs as he tucks himself into bed “ I’m the bad guy because I want you to finally have the love of your life. If you wanna live the rest of your life pining after him, then so be it. But don’t come crying to me when he meets someone in Seoul.” 

 

Jeongguk has to shower because now his mind is racing and he can’t think of anything other than Taehyung. Why does Mingyu have to do that? He was fine. Their phone calls are completely normal. It’s what friends do. He’s not going to let Mingyu delude himself. Jeongguk cannot afford to be delusional like he was in middle school.

 

|||

 

“What’s gotten into you?” Jimin stands in the kitchen doorway with his arms crossed. Smile on his face as he watches Taehyung prepare way too much food. “What’s the feast for?” 

 

“We’re having the guys over tonight.” 

 

“Okay??? Why not just order pizza or bbq or something?” 

 

Taehyung very nonchalantly organizes the cheeses and crackers and chips and dips on this giant tray he bought this morning. “Jeongguk is coming to stay the weekend with us.” 

 

“What? Really?” Jimin’s voice lightens up “How the hell did you get him to take off work?” 

 

“I just told him he should come hangout with us for the weekend…” he feels a little guilty “and maybe I told him that we could all use a distraction from life right now.” Taehyung feels nervous. Jimin really doesn’t like when people meddle with his emotions. But the arms that wrap over his shoulders make him feel like it’s okay, “thanks Tae. You’re the best friend ever.” 

 

Taehyung does not feel like the best friend ever. 

 

Because from the moment Jeongguk and everyone else got here, he cannot think straight. It’s been nearly an entire fucking year since the last time he’s seen Jeongguk in person and Jesus fucking Christ is it normal for someone to change so much in a year? All at once Jeongguk’s adorable baby fat has practically vanished from his face. The man is currently sitting on their sofa, getting acquainted with Namjoon and Seokjin, with his knife sharp jawline and bright smile and— “you okay?” Yoongi snaps fingers in front of Taehyung’s face. “You’re holding the bowl at an angle, you’re about to spill all of the rice.” 

 

“Shit” Taehyung says softly. “Yeah. I’m good. Just happy to have everyone here. Haven’t heard Jimin this loud and happy in a few weeks now.” 

 

“I know right?” Yoongi grabs the bowl and takes it to the table where the others move quickly to sit around. Meanwhile Taehyung tries to snap the hell out of it. Begins pulling things out of the cabinet to start making cookies when a figure leaning against the counter catches his attention. 

 

“You haven’t said two words to me since I got here.” 

 

“Sorry.” Taehyung smiles “been trying to get everything ready for you guys.” 

 

Jeongguk’s lips are pouted when he says “Want some help?” 

 

Taehyung shakes his head with a smile, “no, I’d really rather you go eat with everyone.” 

 

“Well you need to come eat too.” 

 

“I will.” Taehyung starts spilling ingredients into his mixing bowl “as soon as these cookies are in the oven.” 

 

Jeongguk stands there silently. Watching as Taehyung turns on the mixer and pulls out two baking sheets. It’s only when the younger one starts to wash his hands that Taehyung glares, “Jeongguk, go eat.” 

 

“Taehyung, no.” Scrunches up his nose and lightly bumps Taehyung’s hip with his own, “two sets of hands are better than one. C’mon, let me help. You’re supposed to be hanging out with us too.” 

 

Jeongguk really doesn’t have any idea the kind of mental turmoil Taehyung is suffering through and things like this only make it worse. Especially when they’ve lined the two trays and Jeongguk steals the last bit of cookie dough from the edge of his spoon with a smile. “Can’t wait for them to be done.” Then he grabs Taehyung’s wrist and drags him to the kitchen table where everyone is laughing about something Hoseok said. But all Taehyung can think about is hoping Jeongguk couldn’t feel the goosebumps that erupted from his simple touch. 

 

|||

 

When everyone else has left and only the three of them remain. Taehyung feels calm for the first time in hours. Even though it may not seem right to feel calm, while Jeongguk is in the middle of telling Jimin the things he’s had to hear and witness in the last year. The way they comfort each other and try to make some kind of plan to hold an intervention with their parents makes Taehyung really happy that Jeongguk came. 

 

Jimin tucks in for bed first, as usual. Leaving Taehyung and Jeongguk alone, which does not do good things for Jeongguk’s mental health. Because as excited as he was to see Taehyung this weekend. He underestimated how affected he would be. Went from seeing Taehyung every single day of his entire life, to suddenly only on breaks. top it off with taehyung and jimin not coming home at all for the last eleven months. It feels weird. It makes him never want to leave. But that would be even weirder. So he chooses to say instead, “I got scouted by the SNU basketball team.” 

 

“What?!” Taehyung’s eyes are so big and wide and pretty . Jeongguk wants to take a picture of him just so that he can look at it whenever he misses him. Weird. Jeongguk, quit being so fucking weird. “That’s amazing! Have you committed? Or are you looking into other options?” 

 

“I think I’m going to commit. It’s a full ride so the dorm and everything is paid for. Which is less stress for mom and dad.” 

 

“All those years of playing basketball until midnight paid off, huh?” Taehyung nudges his shoulder with a warm smile “I’m so proud of you.” 

 

“Thanks, Tae.” Am I enough yet? what do I have to do to be enough? “What’s the internship you got?” 

 

“Oh…I’m not entirely sure what I’ll be doing. But I’ll be working under the director of the art history museum.” 

 

“That’s really fucking cool. I bet you’ll get to see new installations and shit.” 

 

“Yeah” Taehyung feels his excitement picking up “I think it’s going to be really cool. I couldn't believe it when they called me back. My professor told me they don’t usually select second years but I applied anyway.” 

 

“As if anyone would’ve said no to you.” Jeongguk shakes his head with a chuckle but feels burning fire spread over his face. Why did he say that?! But Taehyung’s giggle as he yawns is worth it. 

 

“Thanks Jeonggukkie.” As reluctant as he feels, Taehyung knows they need to go to bed. Why does talking in person in the middle of the night feel so much harder to stop than talking on the phone. As if ending this conversation right now means they won’t be able to talk again. 

 

Jeongguk succeeds in making Taehyung’s heart nearly stop, because he reaches forward. Completely in his space when he picks something off of Taehyung’s cheek, inspecting it before he blows it off, “was an eyelash or something.” 

 

Taehyung just nods barely like an idiot because he doesn’t know what to do but he needs to leave this room before Jeongguk does anything else to make his heart explode. “I’ll go get you pillows and blanket.” 

 

“Okay.” Jeongguk stretches and in the time it takes Taehyung to run to their linen closet and back, he’s taken off his shirt. When the fuck did he have time to get so goddamn ripped? Nearly drops the blanket and pillow to the floor at the sight of Jeongguk leaned back on the sofa. Legs spread and shirtless and to die for.  

 

Maybe inviting him to spend the weekend with them was a bad idea. Because if seven year old and fifteen year old Jeongguk had Taehyung’s heart feeling weak, this eighteen year old Jeongguk has him on the verge of tears. Not helping when he smirks, “what happened to letting me feel your mattress?” 

 

“I—“ Taehyung glares at him, looking away to hide the way he smiles. “Well come on then.” 

 

It feels weird setting up his bed for Jeongguk to join him. Taehyung always lets his friends share his bed. It’s more than big enough for two people but …he hasn’t shared a bed with Jeongguk since the Jeon family’s camping trip two years ago. It’s not a big deal, he tries desperately to remind himself once they’re both laying down and scrolling on their phones. The space between them does not feel as big as it is. It feels non existent. Taehyung couldn’t even tell you what he’s scrolling through, is just swiping mindlessly until Jeongguk clears his throat. 

 

“Tae.” 

 

Ba-dum.

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“Thanks for convincing me to come up here. I didn’t realize how much I needed a break until I got here.” 

 

Taehyung turns his head to face him, not expecting to find Jeongguk’s eyes already on him. “I’m really glad you’re here, Guk.” 

 

The soft smile they share before cutting off the lamp and going to sleep has Taehyung feeling on top of the world. Maybe, it doesn’t have to be weird, after-all.

 

|||

 

“Hello?” 

 

“Hey..” Jeongguk sounds exhausted. “ You told me to call when I made it back…so I’m calling.” 

 

Taehyung’s feet tap against the floor. Glancing over his shoulder where Jimin is sitting at the table. “It’s late.” 

 

“Yeah” Jeongguk laughs into the phone and Taehyung’s chest tightens. He misses him already. This was not a good idea for his heart. When did this happen anyway? When did they start calling each other so much? “Got distracted when I made it home. Just finally managed to sit down.” 

 

“Well get some rest then.” Taehyung can feel Jimin staring holes in the back of his head so he lowers his voice. “I’ll talk to you later.” 

 

“‘Kay.” Jeongguk hesitates and sighs “My bed feels really stiff after being in yours all weekend. I need to get the same mattress as you.” 

 

Taehyung is about to pierce his damn lip with how hard he’s biting on it to stop from giggling like an idiot. God, he has it bad. “I’ll send you the link.” 

 

“Cool.” 

 

“Goodnight.”

 

“Night, Taehyungie.” 

 

He tries to sneak away. He does…but Jimin is right behind him. Snatching Taehyung’s phone from his hand and smirking when he sees the last call to Taehyung’s phone was from ‘ youngest jeon’ . 

 

“He just left….like….six hours ago.” 

 

“So?” 

 

“ So ” Jimin drops Taehyung’s phone back to his palm with a shit eating grin “told you he’s in love with you.” 

 

“No he isn’t . I told him to let me know when he made it back. You know as well as I do that he isn’t always the brightest when it comes to directions.” 

 

“You know that I don’t care right?? If you guys are like canoodling or whatever.”

 

“We aren’t . Jimin-please..” 

 

“Whatever” he shakes his head “then go with us on a double date.” 

 

“Huh?” he has to look like a deer caught in headlights “who is us ?” 

 

“Me, Hoseok and Yoongi. Plus Hoseok’s friend Sik. He’s really cool and has been asking Hobi to set you guys up for awhile now.” 

 

“I—“ Taehyung tightens his lips “I don’t want to go on a date.” 

 

“Why not?” 

 

“Because I’m just..not interested in that right now. Besides I’m about to be super busy with the internship. I don’t want to lose focus.” 

 

“One night out to the bar won’t derail your entire future Taehyung. Come on, Namjoon and Seokjin are coming too.” 

 

“Can I just go…like I’m there and Hoseok can invite his friend. But we’re not there on a date. ” 

 

Jimin nods with a soft smile “sure. It doesn’t have to be a date. Just come hangout with us.” 

 

“Okay” Taehyung nods “I can do that.” 

 

|||

 

Jeongguk came to terms with his feelings for Taehyung years ago. Came to terms with the fact that its to be expected that he would grow feelings when they’ve been close for so long. It happens all the time, he isn’t special, because he fell in love with his best friend. 

 

He’s been actively working to snap out of it. Especially since the madness that was three weekends ago. He has to snap out of it. Jeongguk would say he’s doing a good job, if you ask. He hasn’t even looked at Taehyung’s instagram a single time today. 

 

but it is none other than his miserable brother that ruins everything. with a single text message, with a picture attached. 

 

from tiny hyung : “can’t wait til our lil’bro is in seoul with us next fall!! [image]”

 

At first glance it’s nothing. Seems to be a bunch of them sitting around a table at some pub probably. Is about to tap out and send a short reply when he notices Taehyung is in the picture. 

 

when he notices Taehyung is smiling so damn beautifully. 

when he notices someone is sitting next to him. 

when he notices that the person sitting next to him is the recipient of that smile. 

when he notices that the person sitting next to him has an arm behind Taehyung’s chair. 

 

his teeth clench and he feels stupid. so fucking irrational. but its auto-pilot. it cannot be stopped. he’s pressing the call button so quickly he feels like he will throw up if Taehyung doesn’t answer immediately. tears stinging at the back of his eyes, its not even a big deal. who even is that guy anyway? probably just a friend. yeah. probably that guy from before with the girlfriend. yeah. that would make sense. 

 

“hello?”

 

he tries to hard to steady the breath he lets out when Taehyung’s voice greets him over the loud music. “Hey. What are you doing?” 

 

“oh! hanging out with friends.” Taehyung’s voice is so lively “what are you doing?” 

 

“that sounds fun, who are you with? my brother probably?” is it obvious? its too obvious right? 

 

“hmm, yep. your brother and yoongi and hoseok.” okay, okay. a couple.

 

“and namjoon and seokjin!” a couple.

 

“and Hoseokie’s friend Hyungsik is here too!” thats the guy. the one in the picture with the audacity to make Taehyung smile. 

 

“hm. i didn’t meet him last time right?” 

 

“nope!” taehyung giggles and Jeongguk wants to cry. “this is all of our first time meeting him except for Seok!” so its not the guy with the girlfriend . 

 

“sorry for interrupting, um.. i’ll just call you later.” 

 

Taehyung’s voice goes all soft “are you okay? do you need to talk?” 

 

“no.” Jeongguk you’re so fucking ridiculous. “just wanted to say hi.” 

 

“okay. then i’ll call you tomorrow or something!” 

 

just hang up. “alright, bye” 

 

“bye!” 

 

Jeongguk doesn’t even open the message Jimin sends him right after the call ends. who cares anyway. 

 

|||

 

“Taetaeeeeeeeeeee” Jimin is clinging to his shoulders as they hardly make it through their front door. Taehyung himself isn’t completely sober but he’s trying his best. 

 

“Jimininiiieeee, we’re almost to your room” 

 

“thats s’not it!!!” Jimin stands up straight and stomps his feet “will you just put my brother out of his misery?” 

 

“hm?” Taehyung blinks a few time feeling very confused. even more so when jimin says, “why’d he call you earlier?” 

 

“no reason” 

 

“s’not true!” Jimin puts his index finger on Taehyung’s nose with a smirk “called to make sure you werent too busy lovinnn on Hyungsik” 

 

“what are you even talking about?” Taehyung snorts. Jeongguk didn't even know he was out. “don’t be ridiculous Jiminah, go to bed” Taehyung sits Jimin on his bed and takes his shoes off for him. ignoring whatever he’s saying because his own mind is buzzed and clouded and hes trying really hard to unlace these damn boots. 

 

but once they’re off and Jimin lies down Taehyung’s heart almost stops when he says “Guk’s loved you for so long. if you don’t want him, at least don’ string him along anymore”

 

Looking up he’s met with a very stern expression on Jimin’s face. Taehyung isn’t sober enough to have this discussion. He certainly isn’t in the right mindset to confess the fact that he’s pretty sure he’s been in love with Jeongguk all of his life and has been desperately trying to move on. 

 

“Jiminie, Jeongguk doesn’t like me like that . I’ve been telling you this. I think I would know, I literally talk to him everyday now.” 

 

“Exactly.” Jimin scoffs. “You guys talk on the phone every single day. You think Jeongguk who has to be up at ass crack in the morning, enjoys waiting up until you’re available to talk past midnight?” 

 

“Jimin.” Taehyung nearly growls. “Go to bed. You don’t even know what you’re saying right now.” 

 

“Whatever Tae. S’shitty. You like him. He likes you. But you’re both cowards. I’m done with it all.” 

 

Jimin is snoring into his pillow before Taehyung even thinks of the right words to say. He’s not stupid. If Jeongguk liked him he would know . Jeongguk tells Taehyung everything. He wouldn’t keep something like that to himself. 

 

||| if my wishes came true, it would’ve been you |||

 

Things have been .. different .. for awhile now. Jeongguk noticed it first when Taehyung told him they shouldn’t do midnight calls anymore because he needed to get a good rest for his internship. Which was completely understandable…but when the summer has gone and past—nothing changes. 

 

When Jeongguk moves into his on campus dorm, Taehyung was at work so he couldn’t help moving in. That was fine . But then they all had plans to go out that weekend to kick off the new school year and Taehyung didn’t even tell them he wouldn’t be going. 

 

He just locked his bedroom door and Jimin said that he couldn’t say anything to get Taehyung out of his room. Which is what lead Jeongguk to following his brother home. Using the excuse of not wanting to take the bus back so late at night but the truth is that he can’t handle it anymore. 

 

Taehyung’s texts are non-existent and Jeongguk just cannot figure out what he did wrong. What could’ve possibly happened for Taehyung to essentially cut him off. He’s facing Taehyung’s bedroom door, trying to figure out what to say, when the door swings open and a half asleep Taehyung walks right into him. Eyes flashing open when he finds Jeongguk’s eyes, “Guk? What are you doing here?” 

 

“Why didn’t you come tonight?” 

 

“I—“ 

 

“And why don’t you talk to me anymore? You’ve been practically pretending I don’t exist and I can’t figure out why.” Jeongguk’s chest is heaving. He feels a bit ridiculous now, now that he’s faced with Taehyung whose face is a little puffy from the sleep and whose curls are disarrayed. 

 

“Don’feel good at all. Can’t hold anything down. That’s why I didn’t come.” Taehyung smiles softly at him. Warm hand wrapping around Jeongguk’s wrist, “and I’m not intentionally not talking to you. My internship only just ended and they’ve been working me into the ground, I don’t have a chance to even look at my phone during the day. By the time I get home I’m just so tired..” 

 

Jeongguk hates himself. He wants to crawl in a hole and disappear forever. Eyes softening and lip jutting out, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I even said anything. This is ridiculous, I just got used to talking to you every night I’m sorry Taehyungie.” 

 

“It’s okay, I shoulda at least told you what was going on, I’ve missed talking to you.” The thing is that Jeongguk has known Taehyung as long as he can remember. But Taehyung has never, ever , initiated contact like this . Like right now. Like when his sleepy arms wrap around Jeongguk’s middle and his chin hooks over his shoulder. Like the way his warm breath fans the skin of Jeongguk’s neck as he sighs, “wanna sleep over? Can tell me what SNU is like so far?” 

 

“All I’ve had is my first year orientation…” 

 

“Tell me about it.” Taehyung pulls away from the hug and Jeongguk feels like there should be some rule in place to be sure that hugs last long enough for both the hugger and the recipient of said hug. Because he’s never felt Taehyung’s arms around him like that and the way his stomach swirls is a painful reminder of just how terribly he wants him. 

 

This is sure to be a miserable year. 

 

|||

 

 If Taehyung thought that he would find any type of relief when the school year started and his internship ended, he was wrong. So terribly wrong. Junior year lands Taehyung spending way more time than he ever planned holed up in his room. Between writing assignments and actual projects, he has been overwhelmed beyond belief. A personal life has not existed for any of the last six months. 

 

Nothing outside of text messages and seeing Jimin in the mornings. But Jimin hasn’t had it any easier. It’s winter break when Jimin texts Taehyung and tells him they are having the guys over. For the first time since summer. Taehyung was supposed to go home this year for his birthday but truth be told, Taehyung has no desire to spend his birthday at home. It’s not like his parents would do anything special anyway. They’d just book some five star restaurant, give him money and then tell him all of the things he should do once he graduates next year. Besides, Jeongguk has been just as busy as Jimin and himself. Taehyung would much rather spend the night before his birthday with his closest friends. 

 

You see, Taehyung and Jeongguk have still texted quite often. Despite neither of them having any time to hangout or call like they used to. But Jeongguk seemed to have left out some major details in their text messages. 

 

Major details being what he’s been doing in the little freetime that he gets. 

 

Major details being the fact that he has nearly his entire right arm tattooed. From his knuckles to his shoulder. 

 

The type of major detail that has Taehyung salivating at the mouth. It’s unfair. Cruel even. For Jeongguk to be so undeniably attractive. It’s bad enough that Taehyung’s heart beats miserably for him, but now everything wants him. It’s tragic. Especially because Taehyung knows that Jeongguk will be dating people in no time. He’s not only studying at one of the biggest universities in Seoul, a university filled with soon to be successful, very attractive people . But he is also about to start the basketball season. 

 

The basketball season where there will be pretty girls in short skirts and— “earth to Taehyung-ahh…” Hyungsik waves a hand in front of him with a warm smile, “you okay?” 

 

“Yeah, sorry.” He looks around the table where everyone has their cards in hand, seemingly waiting on him to take his turn. Now he’s just flustered and embarrassed and he’s about to just throw in his hand and sit this one out. That is until Jeongguk’s chair suddenly scoots closer to his own. The younger leans over his shoulder and points to a card that Taehyung can play. 

 

“Hey! No cheating!” Yoongi scolds. Taehyung can hear, and feel , the soft chuckle Jeongguk breathes out so close to his ear. 

 

“It’s not cheating if he has no chance of winning, hyung.” 

 

Taehyung’s head snaps towards Jeongguk, “Woah! I do too have a chan—“ words falling to nothing when Jeongguk’s brow raises at him. A playful smirk on his face that has Taehyung feeling very much like he would prefer to shrink down to the size of one of these damn cards. Anything to get out of this burning gaze. Only getting worse when Jeongguk says, “oh? You really think so? shall we go somewhere else for me to explain the rules so that you aren’t embarrassed?”

 

Taehyung coughs. A hacking cough that he cannot recover from. Jeongguk throws his card to the center for him. One hand soothingly tapping between Taehyung’s shoulder blades. What the fuck has gotten into this guy?

 

When the night is over and everyone is beginning to head out, Taehyung has this ridiculous, stupidly absurd idea. One that he has no business voicing but he does anyway when Jeongguk walks over to the entryway and begins to, very slowly, slip on his boots. “Um…do you have practice or work tomorrow?” 

 

The response started before Taehyung even finished his sentence. Jeongguk gnawing on his lip when he says, “No.” 

 

“Do you wanna st—“ 

 

Boots are already abandoned as Jeongguk puts his jacket back on the hanger, “Yes.” 

 

After listening to Jeongguk and Jimin fighting over the shower. Jimin insisting he gets to shower first because its his home. To which Jeongguk argues that he should get to shower first because he is a guest . Ending with Jimin letting him go first, but not without saying, ‘you’re not a guest. Just a pain in our ass! Have been all your life!’ 

 

Taehyung is still giggling, replaying their antics as he finishes filling the mixer again. Staring at the whisks blankly as they spin and all the ingredients begin to fold into one another. Can’t stop these thoughts. These very intrusive thoughts. These thoughts that surround Jeongguk in the shower, with his pretty tattooed arm and long hair completely covered in water. Water dripping down his rock hard, sexy ass, body. Water that Taehyung would love to drink. A voice rips through his thoughts and leaves him blushing stupidly. “Baking again? You’ve really taken a liking to that.” 

 

the goddamn devil. Satan. Lucifer. Hades. All of the demons to ever exist. That is Jeongguk. Because he just leans against the counter, shirtless with just some loose grey sweatpants and effectively making Taehyung want to scream. “Well it’s my birthday now…so I think I deserve some cake.” 

 

Jeongguk’s eyes nearly pop out of his skull, whipping out his phone and gasping when he sees the date. “Taehyung! I left your gift at my dorm, I’m sorry I didn’t realize it was the 29th already.” 

 

“You don’t need to get me anything.” Taehyung says immediately. “But you can grab my cake pan from beneath the stove.” 

 

“Whatever you want.” Jeongguk smiles softly. Pulling it out and taking it upon himself to spread the non-stick butter all over the dish. Taehyung has the bowl ready to spill out into the pan when Jeongguk looks at him, “you’re twenty one this year.” 

 

“I am.” Taehyung smiles softly at him. When he steps close to the dish, Jeongguk doesn’t move at all. Just stands there watching, glued to Taehyung’s side, as the batter spreads and fills. “We’re getting old hyung.” 

 

Taehyung cannot help but to laugh. Has the last of the batter spread and steps away urgently. Desperately needing to calm his heart. He loves Jeongguk. He loves their friendship. He loves that they can have nights with Jimin and the rest of their friends. He does not want to do something stupid. So he just steadies his breathing and does not allow himself to stare at Jeongguk’s exposed chest or beautifully tattooed arm. “I wouldn’t call nineteen and twenty one old, Guk.” 

 

“Sure it is.” Jeongguk is staring at him. Taehyung can feel Jeongguk staring at him. But he will not return the gaze. Only opens the oven and places the filled cake dish inside. “Some people are married by this age.” 

 

“Well…marriage would require having romantic prospects.” Taehyung hops up onto the counter. Heels bouncing off of the cabinet as he plays with the timer in his hands. Ignorant to the way Jeongguk moves closer to him. Not too close, but standing close enough that Taehyung can no longer avoid looking at him without it being suspicious. So he lifts his gaze easily. Trying so hard to feign nonchalance. As if his heart isn’t seconds from exploding. 

 

“Oh? I thought Hyungsik was a romantic prospect.” 

 

“What?” Taehyung snorts “why would you think that?” 

 

“Jimin-hyung said that you guys went on dates..”

 

“We didn’t.” Taehyung sighs. Mentally cursing Jimin for being insistent on meddling. “He’s just Hoseokie’s good friend so he hangs out with us now.” 

 

“Yeah.. but ..he hangs out with us because he’s trying to get to know you better, Tae. Everyone can see that.” 

 

Taehyung doesn’t know what to say and he isn’t sure why Jeongguk really brought this up anyway. So he only huffs and looks back at the timer, “well there’s nothing to get to know. Hyungsik is a friend. That’s it. I’m not romantically prospecting anyone.” 

 

Jeongguk snatches the timer from his hand. Playful smirk on his pretty face that Taehyung thinks should be illegal. “Well that’s lame. You don’t wanna be a forty year old virgin.” 

 

Taehyung is a little too quick when he replies, “Who said I’m a virgin?” 

 

Not at all expecting the timer to fall from Jeongguk’s hands. Jeongguk who tries to recover it quickly but then he’s standing completely in front of him. His hip bones pressed against Taehyung’s knees as he glares, “you’ve never dated anyone.” 

 

“You don’t know that.” 

 

“Yes i do!”  

 

“I—“ Taehyung is offended. Nostrils flaring as he glares at Jeongguk. If he hadn’t let his initial embarrassment take over, he might have noticed that Jeongguk’s expression wasn’t incredulous or malicious. It was soft…and almost hopeful. But he just lashes out, “I know I may not be conventionally attractive in your eyes because we may as well be family, but believe it or not there are some people who find me attractive.” 

 

Jeongguk’s brows cinch together, “i didn’t say you aren’t attractive. I wasn’t saying that no one finds you attractive, I just—“ Jeongguk shakes his head and sighs “it doesn’t matter. I was just making conversation. I get it. You have plenty of options and don’t need the opinion of your family .” The pout that formed on his lips goes away and he steps to the side of Taehyung instead of being in front of him. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight with you. We never fight. I didn’t mean to make you mad.” 

 

“I’m not mad.” Taehyung’s chest aches. This has been the most awkward conversation they have ever had with one another, in all of the years of their lives. “Really, just. My parents get on me too, asking when I’m going to give up the art thing and take my father’s real estate course. Wanting me to get married and help out with the family business and have grandkids and I’m just—I’m so young . I have time .” 

 

“Of course you do.” Jeongguk’s smile is back. The timer setting off but before Taehyung can hop down to pull the cake out, Jeongguk is doing it for him. Pours the icing over top so that it can get all warm and melted...just like Taehyung likes it. Thankfully the topic goes away because Jimin is out of the shower and waiting patiently to enjoy some of the cake as well. Jimin pulls out some candles from their cupboard and both he and Jeongguk make a fantastical show of singing happy birthday. When he blows out the candles Taehyung realizes he has never wanted a wish to come true more than this one. 

The sun has nearly began to rise when Taehyung finally puts his e-reader down to close his eyes. It’s only when he rolls over to face Jeongguk that he finds the other already looking at him. “Why are you awake?” 

 

“M’not.” Jeongguk’s smile is barely visible when his eyes flutter closed “heard you moving.” 

 

“Mm, ok” Taehyung clenches his eyes shut. Trying to convince himself that it’s still dark enough for him to hide. But then there’s shuffling and the blankets ruffling and an arm resting over his middle. An arm that’s covered completely in ink. Taehyung follows the patterns all the way down. Cannot stop himself from grabbing Jeongguk’s hand. Bringing it up to eye level and admiring all of the little symbols. A heart and a crown and a silly face and his basketball number and his parents birthday in Roman numerals and— “do you like them?” 

 

Taehyung nods. Doesn’t trust himself to speak on just how much he loves them. Jeongguk stretches his hand in Taehyung’s palm and lets him do whatever he wants with it. Allows him to trace the markings with his index finger. Taehyung realizes how awkward this will become if he doesn’t speak so he says, “kinda pissed you didn’t tell me. When did you get them?” 

 

“Like a month after I got here is when I started getting them. Just finished the one on my shoulder last month.” 

 

“I wasn’t sure how hyung would react…or you …I was nervous.” 

 

Taehyung drops Jeongguk’s hand with a soft laughter. Not even thinking about the way Jeongguk immediately placed his arm back over Taehyung’s body. Pulling him closer as Taehyung spoke, “Jimin has tattoos Guk.. two of them.” 

 

“What?” Jeongguk’s jaw drops. “What do you mean?! Where!” 

 

“Ummm, he has one going down his spine and one on his side” 

 

“What the fuck! Why didn’t he tell me?!” 

 

“I mean, he posted them to his instagram when he got them… last year. ” Taehyung is smiling from ear to ear “how rude, you don’t even give your brother’s posts your like.” 

 

“I hardly even use instagram. What the hell.” Jeongguk is smiling now too. Any weird tensions that were between them in the kitchen are completely gone. Taehyung feels so comfortable like this. Thinks that if they are able to have moments like this again, then maybe his birthday wish will actually come true. 

 

“Go to sleep, hyung.” Jeongguk whispers softly “happy birthday.” 

 

“Night, Guk. Thanks for hanging out with me.” 

 

It can’t be that hard to fall out of love with someone, right?

He 

 

||| i don’t wanna go one more day |||

The summer break comes suddenly. It is one week before they are officially on break, the last summer break Taehyung will ever have because he graduates next year. So he cleared his summer. No internship, only choosing part time work. He wants to enjoy this summer to the fullest. 

 

and he will. or at least he thought he would. but then Jimin said, “hey, would you be upset if Guk stayed with us the second half of break? he’s gonna go home this month to help my dad make arrangements um…for the split.” 

 

Taehyung still can’t believe it..he figured since it had been so long since Jimin or Jeongguk mentioned it, that their parents had worked things out miraculously. He feels his heart aching.  “They’re really getting divorced?” 

 

“Yeah.” Jimin sighs “Guk and I have come to terms with it at this point. I mean, people have always said that fights over finances are a leading cause in divorce…I just, I dunno, we were never rich . So I don’t understand what changed suddenly... If the shop isn’t doing well, who cares. It’s got to be more than that…” 

 

Taehyung wonders if his parents know. His mom hasn’t mentioned anything about the Jeon’s and considering how close her relationship with their mother…he’s surprised. Still he looks at Jimin warmly, “well, Guk is always welcome here. You know that.” 

 

“Right” Jimin cackles obnoxiously “because you two loooove to cuddle.” 

 

“We do not..” 

 

“Taehyung… please ” Jimin groans “I’m sorry but it’s just annoying at this point.” Turns to face Taehyung on the sofa and Taehyung doesn’t think he’s ever seen such a serious expression on his best friend’s face. “Why do you lie to me? Why won’t you just tell me that you have feelings for Jeongguk?” 

 

Taehyung inhales sharply through his nose. Jimin has been pushing this for years and it’s infuriating. “Because!” His chest is rattling and heaving and he wants to scream, “do you have any idea how embarrassing it is?!” 

 

“What is embarrassing about it?” 

 

Taehyung’s shoulders sag and he leans his head over the back of the sofa. Doing everything in his power to keep the tears stinging behind his eyes at bay. “Being hopelessly in love with one of my best friends literally my entire life? Yeah that’s fucking embarrassing.” 

 

Jimin’s face morphs into the warmest smile. The kind of smile that Jimin extends anytime Taehyung is sad. The kind of smile that made him realize a long time ago that Jimin would be his best friend forever. “The only thing embarrassing about this situation is that you both are so fucking oblivious. Hell even Hyungsik , caught on. Instantly.” 

 

“What are you talking about?” 

 

“Ummm your birthday??? You guys were all over each other!” 

 

Taehyung is sitting up right instantly, “we were not ” 

 

“Oh? You were sitting on his lap during the movie just for fun then?” 

 

“I—“ Taehyung huffs “he pulled me into his lap because the couch was fucking tiny and there were so many of us squeezing in.” 

 

“Right.” Jimin shakes his head “because the logical thing to do is pull your friend into your lap, rather than one of you sitting in the floor like a normal person.” 

 

“It wasn’t like i was in his lap. Just my legs were. I was leaned against the side…” Taehyung is trying to remember their positions exactly. But he knows that it was not what Jimin is making it out to be. And his feet were in Yoongi’s lap so is Jimin trying to say that Taehyung was all over one of his boyfriends?!

 

“Jeongguk. My brother Jeongguk . Who loves his own space and keeps to himself every chance he can, had his arm around you during games. Pulled you into his lap during the movie. Stayed the night and slept in your fucking bed, Taehyung. How can you act like you don’t know he’s in love with you too? He’s loved you for so long!” 

 

“You’re wrong.” Taehyung scoffs. “Okay, what about his basketball game hm? The last one of the season? One of the dancers at half time had a jersey with his name on it. Doesn’t sound like someone that’s in love to me.” 

 

Jimin’s face has gone completely blank, a lifeless stare as he glares into Taehyung’s eyes with crossed arms, “You mean…one of the members of the dance team…that was wearing a jersey…like every other member…who was also wearing a jersey with other player’s names…jerseys that were custom made by the dance team…for the dance team to wear at home games…the jerseys that get washed and hung up on a rack for the dancers to choose from at random…the jerseys that—“ 

 

“ Okay !” Taehyung shouts “I get it, the jersey thing doesn’t matter. I still don’t think Jeongguk has feelings for me and I really would rather not face the humiliation of finding that out. I’m fine as I am. So please just leave me be.” 

 

Jimin reaches out to grab his hand and rubs his thumb over the back of Taehyung’s gently, “I wish you didn’t get so mad at me when I talk about this with you. Did it ever occur to you that it would make me so happy to see you two together, finally?” 

 

“Jimin..” Taehyung lets his bestfriend pull him in for a hug and stays there. Forcing his heart to calm down. “I just don’t think I’ll survive the rejection, okay? So I would appreciate it if we could put this conversation to rest, for good. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” 

 

And even though Jimin promises to never bring it up again, Taehyung has a strong gut feeling this is not the end. 

 

|||

 

Going home feels strange. Taehyung hasn’t gone home in two years now…but he needed to. He wasn’t expecting the greeting he got. His mother hugging him at the door so tight he could barely breathe. “Oh my god, I almost didn’t believe you when you said you were coming home.” 

 

“Why didn’t you believe me?” He tilts his head and looks at her. Noticing now that her eyes are completely swollen with tears. He can’t tell if they are tears of joy or sadness until she pulls him into the dining room where there is already a delicious spread of food and his father waiting. 

 

“Welcome home, son. Are you excited for the summer?” 

 

“I am…it’s the only summer I’ve had without a job in years” Taehyung feels…oddly comfortable. He’s not used to this air that’s between his parents. Something tender and genuine . It makes him feel like he’s waiting for a bomb to drop. And then it does. His father clears his throat, “Jungho and Sona are in the talks of divorce.” 

 

Taehyung gnaws on his lip softly, “i know.” 

 

“You do?” 

 

“Yeah…the boys know so…” 

 

“Oh?” His mother seems confused “Sona made it sound like she hadn’t told Jimin or Jeongguk yet.” 

 

“Um…maybe Jungho is the one who told them then. I don’t really know. But yeah…that’s why Jeonggukkie came home for this month. He’s helping Jungho with something.” 

 

His mother picks at her plate with a sad smile, “she wouldn’t tell me why she wanted to file. I told her that I wouldn’t submit the paperwork until she talked about what was going on, but then she just threatened to see another attorney…” 

 

Taehyung shouldn’t say anything. It’s not his business to say anything. But.. “I don’t know everything, obviously , um..but they’ve been fighting a lot about money. The convenience store hasn’t been doing good for a few years now and tensions got really high. Jeongguk and Jimin were even taking jobs to try to help them pay for things but..” 

 

“What!” Taehyung’s dad scoffs. Motions like he’s pulling out his phone and Taehyung panics. “No! Don’t say anything! I don’t want my friends to be mad at me!”

 

“Honey…” His mother reaches to grab her husband’s phone. But it is clear that the man is determined. “If they were having financial issues why wouldn’t they talk to us? We…They’ve done so much for us. All the years when mom was busy with clients and I had to be away for work, Sona took care of you as if you were her own. For so long…and never asked us for anything. I dont—I can’t wrap my head around it.” 

 

“No one wants to ask their friends for money, love..” Taehyung looks at the way his parents are looking at each other. Seemingly having a conversation with their eyes that he is not privy to no matter how hard he tries. They move along to another topic and Taehyung cannot think of a single time in the years of his life that he has had a meal so enjoyable with his parents. 

 

Not even once do they mention him dropping his studies. His father doesn’t talk about the sign ups for real estate licensing. No one mentions his personal life. They just talk about school. They ask to see his projects. They ask about his internship from last summer. They ask about his plans after next year. They ask if he’s eating well. If he’s healthy mentally. They ask about Jimin and about Jeongguk and about the apartment, if everything works properly. They ask about their other friends. They ask about anything and everything they possibly can, until they’re all falling asleep at the table and Taehyung finally taps out. 

 

It is only once he has curled himself up in the bed he hasn’t slept in, in years, that his mother comes in and has a seat next to him. Running fingers through his hair and smiling gentler than he’s ever seen before. “What is up with you guys today?” Taehyung finally just says because he can’t take it. 

 

“We’re sorry. It must be weird huh?” She laughs softly “This stuff with Sona and Jungho has made us do a lot of reflection. You know, your father and I both come from the homes of arranged unhappy marriages. It was one of our goals from the time we fell in love in our early twenties, that we would always prioritize each other. In doing that…we forgot to prioritize you, for so long. We were so hell bent on being different then our parents were to each other. But we weren’t at all different, in comparison to how they treated us, their kids.” She stops her rambling to take a slow deep breath and Taehyung cannot help but to sit up and hug her. “It’s okay.” 

 

“No, my love, it’s not okay. We missed out on so much of your younger years that we were incredibly terrified to mess up your adult years. Which is no excuse for the way we blatantly disregarded the things you tried to tell us. You deserved better and we want to be better. 

 

Taehyung suddenly finds himself at nine years old. Curled in his moms arms on their couch in front of the fireplace. When she kissed his hair and told him how much she loved him. Brings himself back to this moment in his early twenties with his chest feeling so very full. “I’m really glad I came home.” 

 

“We are too. More than you could ever know.” 

 

|||

 

Jeongguk has been living with Taehyung and Jimin for two weeks. Yet he hasn’t spent a single night in their apartment. His belongings are piled up  against the wall in the living room, but he takes a bag to and from Namjoon and Seokjin’s place every single night. 

 

It is on a Friday evening that he barges in while Taehyung is home alone. Jimin is out with Yoongi and Hoseok. So to say he scares the shit out of Taehyung would be an understatement. 

 

But then he’s standing right in front of him with tears in his eyes, “where’s my brother?” 

 

“He’s out…he’s…” Taehyung can’t think “Jeongguk what’s wrong?” 

 

“I…” his head falls onto Taehyung’s shoulder. Breaking into a relentless sob while his hands clutch onto the sides of Taehyung’s t-shirt tight enough to rip the fabric if he tried. “..I don’t know. I don’t know how or why but, someone bought the convenience store.” 

 

“What? What do you mean?” 

 

“They…” Jeongguk pulls away and sinks into the sofa in disbelief. “Your dad told mine that an anonymous person put a bid on the convenience store building. But they didn’t just want the building, they want the store entirely. They wanted to buy my parents out.” 

 

Taehyung is confused why this has Jeongguk in tears. “Jeonggukkie, I can’t tell if this is a good thing or a very bad thing.” 

 

“Taehyung…” Jeongguk licks his lips and shakes his head “I know this will mean very little to you bc you guys are stupid rich, but they offered 1.3 billion fucking won.” 

 

“What!” Taehyung’s jaw is nearly on the floor “is…is that tiny store even worth that much?!” 

 

“Hell no!” Jeongguk’s hands are shaking. Absolutely trembling. “My parents are in shock. They don’t understand why someone would offer that much…Taehyung, this..this is life changing for them. They can take a break from working for once…they—“ his tears are back and Taehyung doesn’t know what to do in such a moment. But Jeongguk’s hands are trembling so much it’s distracting. So he does the only thing he can think of and grabs them. Holds both of them gently. Lets his thumb rub over the tattoos on his right one when he hears Jeongguk take a deep breath. “—they know it’s irresponsible, but they’re taking a vacation. They called me to ask if we wanted to go…to reconnect as a family, I—“ his voice breaks and he holds Taehyung’s hands so tight. “—they want to work on things. They’re taking this as a sign and working things out, they’re not getting divorced anymore. At least…not right now. Not without trying to make things better, now that they will have time to think about themselves…I can’t, Jimin needs to come home, why won’t he answe—“ 

 

“Jeongguk.” Taehyung squeezes the palms in his hands and smiles “take a breath.” Takes a long deep inhale and releases it slowly. Watches streams of tears spill down Jeongguk’s cheeks as he copies him. “I’m sorry, I’m so happy. I was just looking through fucking one bedroom apartments with my dad…I thought it was over. I thought we’d have to get used to split holidays and..and..” Taehyung chokes on a gasp when Jeongguk yanks his arm and tugs him across the sofa. He’s not on top of him , but he’s close enough that Jeongguk can bury his face in Taehyung’s neck and hug him impossibly tight. “Just one second.. okay?” Jeongguk whispers against his skin “I need this only for a second.” 

 

Taehyung’s arms secure around Jeongguk’s shoulders easily. Scooting closer and adjusting himself until he’s kind of, half way, sitting in his lap. Hugging him tighter than he’s ever hugged Jeongguk before. Feels the shuttered breathing into his skin and has goosebumps erupting when Jeongguk’s mouth parts. It causes his lips to just barely brush the skin of Taehyung’s neck and it drives him crazy. This is not the fucking time to freak out. Jeongguk is emotional and happy . Their family has been dealing with hell for over a year now. He’s finally getting some semblance of peace and Taehyung absolutely should not— “Tae.” 

 

“Yeah?” He speaks quietly. It feels wrong to speak above a whisper. 

 

Jeongguk lifts his head to look at him. His arms come up to caress Taehyung’s that are still wrapped around his shoulders. The way Jeongguk is looking at Taehyung right now has him about to fall over. If not for the way Jeongguk’s hands glide from his arms, over his shoulders and down his back. Finally resting on Taehyung’s waist when he groans, “Nothing.” He shakes his head and Taehyung almost whines . Jeongguk cannot look at him like that with those eyes and say nothing . “What is it?” He tries to coax an answer out of him. But Jeongguk just won’t stop staring at him. Nothing but overwhelming warmth dancing all over his features. The hands on Taehyung’s waist tighten when Jeongguk’s bottom lip trembles, barely manages to speak, “I can’t.” 

 

“You can’t what?” 

 

“Can’t tell you.” 

 

“Why?” 

 

“You’ll hate me.” 

 

“I could never.” Taehyung’s heart is about to fall out of his chest. What could Jeongguk ever say to make Taehyung hate him? Nothing. There’s nothing. But they’re ripped from this moment of almost vulnerability abruptly. Abruptly because Jimin bursts in with tears in his eyes. He doesn’t even say anything about the way Taehyung scrambles off of Jeongguk’s lap. If he saw the way they were holding each other, he doesn’t speak on it. He just holds up his phone at Jeongguk with a broken smile, “did you talk to mom?” 

 

“Yeah.” Jeongguk smiles from ear to ear “Yeah they called me just a bit ago.” 

 

“Are you going to go?”

 

“I wanted to talk to you about it…” 

 

Taehyung takes his cue to leave the room silently. Partially for his friends because they clearly have things to discuss. But mostly for himself. For himself because he closes the door and sinks to the floor behind it. For himself as he rubs his hands over each of his own arms. As if trying to remember the way it felt when Jeongguk did the same motion. For himself because he’s realizing that a small part of him hoped desperately that Jeongguk was going to say he felt it too. He felt the same whirring fire in his gut that Taehyung feels every time they’re close. That he too was about to suffocate just from the proximity. That he too could barely handle being so close to Taehyung’s lips and not being able to kiss them. That he too, has been clinging onto hopeless feelings for so long. 

 

But Taehyung is foolish and he knows that the likelihood of that being what Jeongguk had to say, is slim. So he tucks himself in for bed and falls asleep with his favorite playlist in his ears. Falls asleep wondering how someone ever gets the courage to confess their feelings. 

 

|||

 

Taehyung has done a lot of reflection in the last four days. He’s also done more journaling than he’s proud of. Sat down with music in his ears and let his emotions spill onto countless pages. There was no real purpose in the things he was writing but hell it felt so good just to say them. To put it to paper and give life to feelings he’s tried so hard to kill. He saw an ad once for a book that you burned after filling and he thought that maybe it would be nice to do something similar. Tears out the roughly twenty pages filled with his thoughts and heads straight to the kitchen. Drops them into the sink and is rifling around for matches when the front door opens. But he’s still got his music in so he doesn’t hear anything. 

 

Just bobs his head and hums along. Dropping match after match to the pile of papers. Watching them catch fire. It’s liberating, it feels so good to let go—“Taehyung!” 

 

A hand reaches for the faucet and runs water instantly. Killing the fire that was barely starting to burn. Taehyung is so confused when he drops his headphones to the counter. “What are you doing here? You guys are supposed to be on vacation!” 

 

“So you take it upon yourself to burn down the place?” Jeongguk’s chest is heaving when his eyes move from Taehyung to the pile of ash and scraps of paper currently drowning in water. Heart rate picking up even more when he sees his name scribbled several times on one of the charred papers. But before he can read anything else Taehyung is quite literally shoving him out of the way. The shove has no malice, it was more out of panic than anything else. “I wasn’t burning anything down. I was doing this in the sink for a reason!” 

 

“What are you burning?” 

 

“It doesn’t matter.” 

 

“It does matter.” Jeongguk tries to walk closer to the sink but Taehyung is unwavering. Grabs onto Jeongguk’s arm with both hands and pushes him out of the kitchen. “Just leave it, Guk. I’m serious.” Taehyung’s head shaking when they’re far enough away from the kitchen for him to let go of Jeongguk, “you didn’t tell me what you’re doing here. Where’s Jimin?” 

 

“He’s still with my parents. He’s staying for another week. I came back early.” 

 

“Oh” Taehyung nods “summer drills or something?” 

 

“No” 

 

“Are you going to Namjoon’s?” 

 

“I wasn’t planning on it.” 

 

Taehyung can tell that something is off about Jeongguk but he doesn’t have the energy right now to dive into it. So he crosses his arms “well don’t come into the kitchen for the next ten minutes okay? I’m not burning anything down. I’m going to finish getting rid of these papers, then I’m making a platter of cookies to take home with me this weekend. If you want to come in then, you can.” 

 

Despite how much Jeongguk does not want to leave Taehyung alone right now, he respects his wishes. Goes into the bathroom and takes a quick shower. Tries to think of all of the different ways he can say what he wants to say. Mulling over the words countless times. Can’t tell if he’s hot from the nerves or if it’s the scorching water pummeling against his skin, but it’s too much. 

 

When he returns to the kitchen, Taehyung has cleaned up the mess he made. Left his headphones on the table and chose to play his music low on a small speaker instead. Moving around the kitchen with ease as he fishes for all of the ingredients he needs. Jeongguk spent every second of the last four days thinking about that night. The night where Taehyung was in his lap and they were breathing each other in so closely he thought he would die right in that moment. He’s going to lose his mind. 

 

There’s no way Taehyung wanted him, right? Taehyung would never and if he did want him, he surely would’ve said something. Taehyung is the most open-book person Jeongguk has ever known. He’s never been afraid to express himself. It’s ridiculous to think even for a second, that this perfect person could ever be his. 

 

But then Taehyung looks over at him with baking powder and flour all over his damn shirt, his warm round eyes and slightly pouted lips, he mouths something that Jeongguk can’t hear because his own thoughts are raging. Screaming begging him to say something, anything . But what comes out is, “what did you do for four days all by yourself?” 

 

Taehyung raises a brow but returns back to where he was beginning to scoop out the cookie dough and line it on a tray, “a whole lot of nothing. Listened to music, writing, went out with the guys for dinner last night.” 

 

“What guys?”

 

“Our friends?” Taehyung snorts “who the hell else?” 

 

“Well like…i dunno, maybe you meant like the guys from your art program.” 

 

Taehyung hasn’t faced him again yet so Jeongguk is relieved that Taehyung cannot see the embarrassment on his face. He doesn’t know why he asks pointless questions. But then Taehyung says, “Hyungsik got stupid drunk and ended up crashing here.” 

 

“Why?” 

 

“Why what?”

 

Jeongguk steps closer and leans over the counter. Grabbing an apple that’s nearly rotten from their fruit bowl and tossing it in his hand nonchalantly, “why did he stay here? You like housing drunk people or what?”

 

“It just happens that our apartment is the closest one to all of the places we like to eat. Ends up making the most sense for them to come back here.” 

 

“Ah” Jeongguk is biting his lip so damn hard. Gasping softly when a small piece of cookie dough is placed in front of his lips. He eats it eagerly. Watching the way Taehyung retracts his hand almost instantly. A light pink dusting his cheeks when Jeongguk chances a glance at him. This quite literally feels like torture. It feels like torture when Taehyung looks at him, “I think I’m going to get a tattoo.” 

 

“What would you get a tattoo of?” 

 

“I dunno. Just want one. Yours look so good.” 

 

Oh. Jeongguk do not let this go to your head. He’s speaking objectively about the ink. It’s not you it’s the art . But then Taehyung shakes his head, “doubt it’ll look good on me though.” 

 

“Of course it will.” 

 

Taehyung shrugs and places the filled baking tray into the oven, “how was the dough?” 

 

“Good. It tasted just like mom’s.” 

 

His smile is unconscious when Taehyung’s face lights up, “really?! She sent me her recipe a few weeks ago, I just finally got around to trying it.” 

 

“Well it seems like you’re on track to making a solid batch, hyung.” Jeongguk settles back against the counter and sighs. Why would he risk fucking this all up? Thank god Taehyung didn’t let him be irrational earlier. Because then he would’ve said something stupid like— “Jeongguk, why are you here?”

 

His head tilts. Tucks his arms in the openings of his sleeveless shirt and pouts, “what do you mean?” Feels his mouth go dry when Taehyung gets rid of the shirt that was covered in ingredients. Standing there only in a soft cotton tank top and the basketball shorts Jeongguk gave him because they didn’t fit him right. Of course they fit Taehyung perfectly. Hugging him in the right places, leaving others to the imagination. And Jeongguk has a stupidly vivid imagination . He’s snapped out of it though when Taehyung too, leans against the counter. Running his hands through his messy hair. “You haven’t slept over here a single time since you ‘moved in’. So why are you here now?” 

 

“I just wanted to be.” 

 

“Why?” 

 

Jeongguk’s skin is bursting into flames. A million different things raging in his mind. What the hell is he supposed to say? Is he supposed to tell Taehyung that he thought he’d barge in here and kiss him stupid. Then explain how desperately he wanted to kiss him four nights ago?? Is he supposed to say that he’s been ridiculously infatuated with him since he was seven years old?? “I don’t know” is what comes out. 

 

Which clearly is not the answer Taehyung wanted. Because he just purses his lip before tucking it beneath his teeth and nodding, “alright. Well get some rest, you traveled today.” 

 

“Taehyung, wait..” Jeongguk reaches out for him, not expecting the way Taehyung would snap his arm back. “Sorry Guk, I’m just not really in the mood right now.” 

 

“Not in the mood for what?”

 

“ This ” Taehyung’s voice is hardly above a whisper “whatever this game is that we’ve been playing way too often recently. I don’t want it.” 

 

Jeongguk’s chest feels like it’s caving in “I’m not understanding what you don’t want?” 

 

Taehyung’s fists clench at his sides, “just…can we not do this?” 

 

“Taehyung WHAT are we even doing?!” 

 

“THIS!” His nostrils flare “you keep grabbing me and looking at me with those fucking eyes as if you don’t know what you’re doing. You aren’t stupid Jeongguk. You know what you’re doing. You knew what you were doing all of the times you’ve done it! I just can’t handle it anymore!” 

 

“You keep saying ‘this’ ‘that’ ‘it’ like what the hell Tae?! Am I supposed to read your mind and know what you’re referring to?!” 

 

Taehyung steps in his space. Their chests nearly touching when he glares, “recently, Jeongguk, you have been doing things that made me think you might be feeling something. For me. Something different than you have felt all of our lives and it’s been confusing the fuck out of me. So as adults, we need to instill some boundaries. It’s not normal to cuddle and pull me into your lap and hold my waist and and look at me like that.” 

 

Jeongguk’s jaw falls open. ears burning and fingers itching and he can’t help it when he shouts, “If you know it’s not normal. Then why the hell have you been playing stupid all of this time?” 

 

“ME?! I’m playing stupid?!” Taehyung scoffs and jams a finger into his chest “if anyone has been playing stupid it’s you! Coming in here and crawling into my bed as if it isn’t painfully obvious what I feel for you.” 

 

“ You are the one who invited me to sleep here the first time.” Jeongguk actually might explode. His brain hasn’t caught up to anything yet. So he just keeps speaking “and you’re the one who wanted to call all the time and talk to me and make me feel like this!”

 

“Oh, I’m so fucking sorry!” Taehyung raises his hands in surrender “god fucking forbid i enjoy talking to you because you gave me confusing ass signals and my naive self thought maybe it meant something. That’s my fault isn’t it!” 

 

“What are you even saying right now?! Of course it meant something!” 

 

“Save me the pleasantries, Jeongguk. I won’t call you anymore or text you when you’re back on campus. So just fucking do you and I’ll be just fine.” Taehyung gasps. Loud and sharp when Jeongguk grabs his hips harshly. Pulling him in and walking him until his hips are against the counter. “What do you feel for me?” 

 

“What?” Taehyung is seconds from just sobbing at this point. 

 

“You said it’s painfully obvious what you feel for me. It’s not.” Jeongguk gulps heavily and is looking at Taehyung with those goddamn eyes. The ones that shimmer and sparkle and make it so easy to fall. “It’s not obvious and I don’t know and I’m so confused. I don’t even know what we’re fighting for right now.” 

 

“Jeongguk.” Taehyung’s eyes clenched shut. Taking slow deep breaths. Refusing to look at him because how could he? How can he look into those eyes and watch Jeongguk reject him. The letters were supposed to be the end of this. The charred shreds of paper that are at the bottom of their waste bin was supposed to be it.  

 

But then Jeongguk’s chest is flush with his own. One hand bracing on the counter next to Taehyung’s hip, the other one, the tattooed one , reaches up and moves Taehyung’s messy bangs out of his face. “It’s not obvious Taehyung. I’m begging you to fucking tell me.” 

 

“What do you want me to say?” Taehyung can hardly breathe. Why does Jeongguk hold onto his face like this? Why does he let his thumb stroke the soft skin of Taehyung’s cheek. Why do his eyes flicker down to Taehyung’s mouth? Why is he leaning in? Why can Taehyung feel Jeongguk’s breath mixing with his own? 

 

The arm that’s Caging him in place moves closer. Jeongguk’s hand lightly curling on his hip. Rubbing smooth circles above his shirt, “I want you to tell me that I haven’t wasted my entire fucking life being in love with you.” 

 

Taehyung’s jaw drops. Nearly on the floor. There’s no way Jeongguk just said that, right? He definitely didn’t hear that properly. But then he’s leaning in the rest of the way and their lips brush and he hears a sob break through Jeongguk’s voice when he says, “Taehyung, I’m in love with you. I’m sorry if I’m ruining everything right now. But it’s fucking killing me. It’s been killing me for so long.” 

 

The trembling lips that press against Taehyung’s own are impossibly soft. It’s a desperate kind of kiss, it feels sad . Taehyung doesn’t want it to feel sad. He doesn’t want Jeongguk to be sad. Taehyung doesn’t want to be sad anymore . Knocks Jeongguk’s hand away from his face, so that he has the leverage to cup onto those full cheeks. Index finger swiping over the scar that Jeongguk got when they climbed a tree ten years ago. Eyes locked onto those watery sparkling ones, “I guess we’ve been killing each other then.” 

 

“Wha—“ 

 

“I’m in love with you too.” He says simply. Gently pulls Jeongguk’s face into his own. Melting into the arms that wrap entirely around himself. “I was finally going to force myself to move on from you. That’s.. that’s why—“ 

 

“Don’t.” Jeongguk squeezes him impossibly tight “please don’t fucking move on from me, not before I even get a chance to have you.” When Jeongguk kisses him this time it’s not sad. His lips are fervent and determined. Jeongguk swiftly has Taehyung sat on the counter and steps between his legs all while keeping their lips connected without a single pause. “Guk..” Taehyung is getting overwhelmed very quickly. Jeongguk is all over him. Hands on his shoulders and his sides and his thighs and it’s amazing it’s everything it’s fucking flawless but it’s too much. He can hardly concentrate when Jeongguk’s tongue parts Taehyung’s lips and he has no willpower to turn away from this. As if he would ever lose out on the opportunity to just fucking taste him. He’s been desperate for him for so long. 

 

But Taehyung is thankful. So incredibly thankful for his kitchen timer that goes off. Thankful for the way Jeongguk slows down. Kisses turning chaste and very reluctantly does he pull away. Pulls out the cookie sheet from the oven as Taehyung hops down from the counter. Thumb rubbing over his mouth. Face burning hotter and hotter the more seconds that pass allowing him to think about what they’ve just done. 

 

And Taehyung was overwhelmed. He was. He wanted to breathe and have a moment to gather his thoughts. But he doesn’t want to breathe anymore. Not when Jeongguk faces him with his barely swollen lips. The metaphorical string that had been tying them together but also keeping them apart, finally snaps. Jeongguk’s got Taehyung up in his arms within seconds. Moving with a haste Taehyung’s never witnessed on the younger before. Then he’s pressing him into the wall of Taehyung’s bedroom with a fire that has Taehyung on the verge of tears when those lips are attacking the column of his neck, “Taehyung. I don’t just want something silly with you.” Grips onto him with a vice when their hips rut together and Taehyung moans softly as Jeongguk keeps speaking, “I meant it. I’m in love with you. I have very real, very strong feelings for you. Only for you.” 

 

“Me too.” Taehyung says instantly. Letting his fingers knot into those long locks of hair that he has spent too many nights dreaming of gripping on to. “Very very very strong feelings, i don’t even know how to explain to you how strong they are, I just…I just..” Taehyung makes a noise that he would be embarrassed over if he weren’t so entangled in this moment. He never let himself imagine what he’d do in this position because never in a million years did Taehyung think his feelings would be returned. Never in a million years did he imagine Jeongguk slowly lowering him back down to his feet but not letting him move at all. He surely never imagined being dragged into his own bed by Jeongguk himself. Shaking hands that feel so warm and secure on his waist as Taehyung crawls atop of him. Dipping down to connect their lips again because he needs to. 

 

Taehyung is realizing that he needs much more than he thought he did. Jeongguk is needy too. It’s ridiculous the way they fall apart. Jeongguk’s never done anything like this and Taehyung hasn’t either. Yet they maneuver around each other so easily. Barely detaching long enough to remove what is necessary. Jeongguk is terrified when he’s got a hand around Taehyung. Feels his entire body shudder when Taehyung does the same. They should’ve talked about this right? They should have. He knows they should have. But Taehyung’s breathing is erratic and the way he looks right now, when Jeongguk’s flipped their positions so that he can look down at Taehyung properly, he just knows that it’s okay. It’s okay because they know each other so well. What more needs to be said when they’re finally, after all of this time, giving in to something they’ve wanted for so long. Once they’ve completely unraveled one another and there’s none of the anxiety he was certain would follow. 

 

Taehyung giggles beautifully into his neck. Nipping at the skin and tugging Jeongguk in for another kiss. “A part of me wants to ask how you’re so good at that… but then I realize you probably have about as much practice as I do…” They look at each other with the most ridiculous smiles on their faces. It’s stupid messy trying to wipe themselves with just the tissues Taehyung had on his nightstand, but when they’ve done enough, Jeongguk pulls Taehyung right into his arms. Making Taehyung flush a brilliant shade of red, “wha—“ 

 

“I have dreamt, so many times, of holding you like this.” Jeongguk presses a gentle kiss to Taehyung’s nose. “Always just wanted to feel you up against me.” kisses behind his ear and runs fingers through Taehyung’s hair with a groan “ taehyung…” 

 

“What is it?” He murmurs. Eyes round and glistening and Jeongguk is in so much fucking trouble . “I’m going to go insane. I want you so much.” 

 

Taehyung chuckles softly, “I’m right here.” 

 

But Jeongguk’s arms tighten around him. Palms flat against Taehyung’s back as he buries his face in the older’s neck and takes several deep breaths. “Not close enough.” 

 

“Jeongguk, I couldn’t be any closer to you if we tried.” Taehyung nudges the side of Jeongguk’s head until he lifts it so that their eyes meet and he can press a soft kiss to his lips. “I feel crazy..” drops his voice to a volume that can barely be heard between the two of them “..why did it feel impossible to ever tell you how i feel…but now that we have, it’s so easy. As if we were always like this.” 

 

“Because you were always mine..” Jeongguk’s lips jut out into the cutest pout Taehyung has ever seen. “Ugh, I really want to punch myself right now.” 

 

Taehyung’s got both hands running through Jeongguk’s hair. The younger’s head rested on his chest, “why would you want to do that?” 

 

“Because if I realized sooner…I could’ve kissed you sooooooo many times.” Taehyung watches the way Jeongguk’s tongue dips out over his lips “I almost kissed you on your birthday.” 

 

“Oh, did you?” Brow raising cheekily. Not expecting the way one of Jeongguk’s hands would trail all over his body. A gentle touch making a path over every bit of his skin. 

 

“At the kitchen table when we were playing games. God, Tae you were so fucking… ugh …and then stupid ass Hyungsik kept smiling at you and making heart eyes and I wanted so bad to just kiss your stupid mouth.” 

 

“Wow, now my mouth is stupid?” 

 

“You know that’s not what I mean…” Jeongguk presses their lips together softly. “…my heart literally cannot handle how much love I have for you. I’m genuinely surprised I lasted this long.” 

 

“I thought you were going to kiss me the other night…” Taehyung feels silly admitting this. His face is heating up when Jeongguk’s lips just keep kissing him all over . “You…when you were holding me, I thought I was going to pass out.” 

 

“I wanted to.” Jeongguk chuckles against Taehyung’s skin. “Tae, if I told you all of the times I’ve thought about saying ‘fuck it ’ and just kissing you, you’d probably break up with me before we’re even together.” 

 

Taehyung’s foot begins to shake anxiously, voice impossibly soft, “i would never .” Watches the way a sweet smile curls on Jeongguk’s face. “You’d never what?” 

 

“No. I’m not doing this.” Taehyung tries to roll away but Jeongguk only hooks an arm around his middle. Tugging until his front is flush with Taehyung’s backside. Nuzzling into his neck, “you’d never kiss me. Is that what you meant?” 

 

“You know damn well that’s not what I meant.” 

 

Jeongguk’s evil , finger tracing shapes over Taehyung’s stomach as he just keeps making goosebumps erupt, “you would never what, Tae?” 

 

“Break up with you.” Taehyung almost cannot be heard. But of course Jeongguk heard it, arms squeezing tighter and giggling into Taehyung’s neck. “Do you know what that implies?” 

 

“Hm?” Taehyung tries to face him over his shoulder, gasping softly when Jeongguk leans up over him, connecting their mouths with a smirk, “that implies that you are mine.” 

 

Taehyung let’s Jeongguk kiss him. Sinks into the mattress and the feeling of Jeongguk’s body so close to his own. Runs his fingers down that tattooed arm and sighs “well, I sure as hell am not letting you go be anyone else’s” he’s impossibly breathless when he pulls away from their kiss long enough to look into Jeongguk’s sparkling eyes “It’s over now, Jeongguk. You’re mine.” 

 

||| everything has changed |||

 

They don’t really talk about it. Mostly because there’s no real reason to. Not much changes, at all. Especially when they get into the heat of Taehyung’s final semester and Jeongguk’s basketball season starts up again. Their time together is as restricted as it’s ever been. 

 

It’s not like they had any intentions of hiding it. They just didn’t really feel any need to announce it to the universe. But neither Jeongguk nor Taehyung were prepared for the absolute anger and hurt that paints Jimin’s face when he finds out. Jeongguk made an appointment with his guy for Jimin and Taehyung to get friendship tattoos. 

 

Naturally, he would be in attendance, his baby is getting his first tattoo! Everything was normal. Jimin sat and got his done with ease, smile on his face when the little alien is finished on his wrist. It is when the needle presses to Taehyung’s skin and he winces in pain, that it happens. Jeongguk is up and at his side instantly, taking Taehyung’s free hand into his own and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. Completely unaware of the way Jimin is in shock. Utter disbelief as he stands and watches the way Jeongguk speaks softly to Taehyung, trying to distract him from the pain. But he’s in for a completely new type of pain when it’s finished. Taehyung still hasn’t let go of Jeongguk’s hand and once they’re outside, Jimin snaps. 

 

“What the fuck is going on?” 

 

“Huh?” “What?” Taehyung looks at him, confused at the way Jimin looks so furious. 

 

“Did I miss some major development? Since when do you guys kiss?” His arms cross. Brows cinched together when Jeongguk says, “we uh…we’ve been together, since the summer.”

 

“Excuse me?” Jimin has far surpassed anger. Now he’s full on raging. “What do you mean you’ve been together since the summer? And not a single one of you thought to bring me into the loop? How late into the summer?” 

 

“We just…it’s still so new and—“ 

 

“You know what. Fuck this.” Jimin shakes his head and looks at Taehyung, “I’m the one who has been pushing for this for years. I’m the one that’s been by your side and supporting you no matter what and you couldn’t even tell me something like this? Something this huge?” 

 

“Min…it’s not like that. It’s not like I didn’t want to tell you!” Taehyung feels sad and his wrist hurts and he just wants to be excited but Jimin is so angry. “It’s not a huge thing…it just happened.” 

 

“We live together, Taehyung. I see you everyday. You could’ve left me a fucking note on the fridge. Anything other than just not telling me, then suddenly you’re holding hands and being all gross in front of me.” 

 

Taehyung pulls away from Jeongguk’s hand and tries to grab onto Jimin’s arm, but the other yanks it away. “I’m gonna go home. You guys get dinner without me.” 

 

“What? No! Come with us.” 

 

“I don’t want to.” Jimin offers a sad smile, “you know, I’m not mad about you being together. I would never be mad over that. But it just hurts because no one in the universe would be happier for the two of you than me.” 

 

As much as Taehyung wants to follow after Jimin when he storms off, the arm that Jeongguk wraps around him to keep him in place stops it. “Let him shake it off. He’s just surprised. He’ll be over it in an hour.” 

 

But Taehyung just doesn’t think so.

 

They’re standing at the door, Jeongguk holding Taehyung’s leftovers in his hand with a frown on his face, “you hardly touched your food...” 

 

Taehyung’s voice is soft, lets his forehead fall to rest on Jeongguk’s chest with a sigh, “Why didn’t either of us think to tell him?” 

 

“We’ve been busy. You haven’t had a single day to relax until this weekend and neither have I. Hell, we’ve barely had time to talk to each other .” 

 

Jeongguk lifts Taehyung’s face by the chin and presses a gentle kiss to his lips, “I’m not gonna sleep over tonight.” 

 

The disappointment is clear on Taehyung’s face, but Jeongguk doesn’t even have to explain for him to agree. “We can next weekend or something..” lips pouting more and more with each pressing of Jeongguk’s lips to his own. “Go inside and make my brother not hate us anymore.” 

 

“I don’t know how.” Taehyung’s shoulders sag. Grabbing his container of left overs and reluctantly stepping out of Jeongguk’s grasp. “Hyung’s never been mad at you for more than a day. He loves you too much.” 

 

“I hope you’re right.” Leans in and presses one last kiss to Jeongguk’s lips. “Love you.” 

 

“Love you too, baby.” 

 

|||

 

Taehyung waits, rather impatiently, on Jimin’s bed. He can hear the other’s bathtub playlist is nearly reaching the last song. Meaning he should be finishing up his face routine and coming out for bed any minute now. But still when the door opens and Jimin is right in front of him, he feels a pit in his stomach. “Jimin—“ 

 

“Get out of here, Tae” 

 

“No! Why are you so mad at me?” 

 

Jimin looks away from him, bottom lip caught between his teeth “this is how it starts, right?” 

 

Robbed of words, Taehyung only tilts his head. 

 

“First you guys forget to tell me things. Then you guys start making plans and forget to include me. Then suddenly you’re moving in together and I’ll not only lose my best friend but my brother too. It sucks and I really didn’t think that you two of all people would do that to me.” 

 

“We’re not!” Taehyung is standing up and in front of him in an instant. Eyes watered “Jimin-ah seriously?! No one forgot about you. We’ve just been so busy and have hardly spent any time together as it is. It’s not that we were deliberately not telling you. We literally haven’t even had time to be together .” 

 

Jimin’s foot is tapping against the hardwood. Taehyung very cautiously lifts his hand to grab the arm that Jimin’s fresh tattoo is on. Turns it over and rubs his thumb gently over the plastic wrap protecting the ink. “You’re my best friend in the entire world. That won’t change for anything, not even Jeonggukkie.” 

 

He watches the way a small smile stretches across Jimin’s face then suddenly his best friend is attacking him with the tightest hug Taehyung’s ever felt. “Okay, maybe I over reacted.” 

 

“No..you didn’t, I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have forgotten to tell you.” 

 

Jimin pulls away and sits at the edge of his bed, “so when did it happen? Did he write you a love song or something?” 

 

“Um…actually we got into a fight.” Falls into bed with Jimin easily. Curled up together as he explains everything about what happened during the week that Jimin was gone. How he and Jeongguk went home that weekend together. Spending time with both Taehyung’s parents and theirs. The way Taehyung was burning papers in their sink with all of his emotions inside when Jeongguk busted in and ruined everything. When they’re both starting to fall asleep Taehyung feels Jimin curl up against him.

 

“Are you happy?” 

 

“Yeah.” Taehyung lets out a sleepy giggle “I’m really really happy.” 

 

“Good.” Jimin squeezes him tighter “Now Jeongguk can stop begging me for ways to get your attention.” 

 

Taehyung was almost asleep. Almost . But then he’s leaning up on his arms and glaring at Jimin, “what do you mean, ways to get my attention?” 

 

“Taehyung, I've been telling you for years that Jeongguk is in love with you. You’re the one who didn’t take me seriously.” 

 

“You’ve said that since we were kids!” 

 

Jimin snorts and pushes Taehyung to lay back again “Because that’s how long he’s been in love with you!” 

 

“If you knew , why didn’t you tell me sooner?” 

 

“I tried , you would always get pissy with me!” Jimin brings his fingers to pull Taehyung’s eyelids closed. “Sleep now, be mad at yourself for not trusting your soulmate sooner, later.” 

 

“Whatever.” Taehyung huffs. Barely managing to stay awake longer anyway. Consciousness hanging by a thread when Jimin speaks softly, “love you, taetae. I’m glad you and my brother got your head out of your asses.” 

 

“you too, Jiminie.” A few pings from his phone keep Taehyung from falling asleep right away. 

 

From mine<3 : i hope u guys talked it out. :(

From mine<3 : high key regretting not staying over, miss u so much.

From mine<3 : he better not tell u to break up w me or something. i’m not scared to fight for ur honor. 

From mine<3 : text me when in the morning and I’ll come over. Finished my assignments tonight.

From mine<3 : ok, I’ll stop blowing u up. 

From mine<3 : love you so so much, baby.

 

To mine<3 : no honor fighting necessary. fill you in tomorrow. love you so much more.

 

Taehyung was terrified for how things would change between them all…but he’s realizing as he falls asleep feeling happier than he’s ever felt in his life, that sometimes change is a good thing. 

 

|||

Notes:

I have already started on an epilogue for these boys ^.^ because I wasn’t ready to part ways just yet. So stay tuned if you enjoyed.