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“Justice.” Naomi whispers to herself, as icy blue eyes locked onto her colleague on the opposite side of the blue-tinted glass, stuck in bed inside an isolation chamber within a hospital some 5,000 miles away from his home.
“The only way to achieve justice is to repent for my own sins.” Her words echo in her head like a water drop noise in an empty cavern - the perfect metaphor for her thoughts.
Silver eyebrows furrow as the male surgeon suffers through another coughing fit, his brown hair messier than usual, skin even more pale and dry, heavy bags under his eyes, weakness in his muscles, blood in his saliva while coughing - all the symptoms she's seen a hundred times before with a hundred patients before - but something about this time felt different, an ache in her heart and a dry taste in her mouth haunts her everytime Derek is called to mind.
Maybe it was guilt (not that kind) eating her up inside. The consequences of her actions finally revealed themselves to her - striking down one of the greatest surgeons of all time just when she had the chance to meet him, almost as if it was an act of god to punish her for her sins, or the goddesses of fate laughing in her face.
The thought of it made Naomi sick to her stomach, but everytime she attempted distancing her thoughts from it they all managed to wander back to him, leaving her spending the last few nights restless in bed, tangled up in her sheets staring up at the ceiling, blank, just like her state of mind.
A cup of half finished coffee sat on his tray, with a full plate of scrambled eggs and some fruit left completely untouched. “It seems like the GUILT also took away his appetite…” She whispers to herself, an issue most of the other doctors seemed to ignore, pointing it as a common symptom in GUILT patients, but Naomi felt anxiety about it in the back of her mind - Derek was already on the thinner side , could he really afford to skip meals?
Everything about his illness, every sign and symptom of GUILT, swam around in her head, her thoughts stuck on fears of the long term side effects of it all, and how it could affect not only Derek, but his patients down the line.
Worse case scenario. That's what she tells herself to ease her racing mind. While life long effects were possible, they were not probable, and she knew that - but sometimes it's easy to forget when stress levels are high enough, so she has to keep telling herself just that - that it's all worst case scenario.
“Is he going to be alright Dr. Kimishima?” Angie’s voice is wavering, like she’s on the edge of tears (or already crying) but it still manages to breach Naomi’s thoughts.
“Of course,” Naomi responds quickly, with a reassuring smile as to not worry the blonde nurse, looking over to watch Angie breathe a small sign of relief, “I’ve operated on GUILT more times then you can imagine, it’ll be just like any other procedure.”
Angie shifts around on her feet and Naomi can tell she's still nervous despite the smile on her face.
“If you’re so worried maybe you should rest up, and i can call in another assistant-”
“No-” Angie’s voice is forceful and abrupt, almost cutting Naomi off. “I want to be there for him.”
“Hmm” Naomi ponders for a second. “As long as you promise it won’t affect your performance in there-”
“Of course!” Angie responds with sternness, Naomi can't quite tell if it's just her natural strong demeanour, or if Angie was attempting to cover up the sound of her voice breaking from the overwhelming emotion.
There's silence between them, Angie staring at Naomi with a fierce determination in her eyes (and grey tear streaks down her cheeks) while Naomi’s eyes are still interested in watching her dying colleague through the slightly-tinted glass, she doesn't need to look at the blonde to understand her feelings, she swears she can almost hear the other one’s rapid pulse.
Naomi’s voice cuts the silence. “Okay,” she sighs heavily, “Go tell the head nurse we’ll be taking him down to pre-op now.”
Footsteps echo down the hallway as Angie's turns and heads to the nurses station to relay that information, while Naomi finally manages to drag her eyes to somewhere other than her colleague-turned-patient, watching the blonde nurse skip down the hallway and turn down the corner out of view, before she takes one good final look at Derek.
Something about Derek's preservation; his ability to still smile whilst slowly being killed from the inside, his heart literally being torn up by kiryaki, his ability to assure others he's okay through pained, broken whispers, despite every breath feeling like fire burning through his lungs, his ability to keep the conversations positive, knowing any moment could be cut off by the monitor screeching as his life is suddenly cut short - something about all that amazed Naomi.
While others are astounded by her ability to stay stone-faced under the tightest of pressure, she was always blown away by his ability to smile no matter what troubles he faced.
Naomi smiles.
Justice is what Derek deserves, Naomi thinks.
And redemption is what she’ll get, no matter if she deserves it or not.