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Kaoru doesn’t know how he got here.
He’s at the live house, his father once again putting him on manager duty for the night. Rei Sakuma had just performed, giving the house a good night once again. The performance had ended, Kaoru went backstage to tell Rei good job. Which was something he rarely did in the first place, but he was feeling nice tonight. And now he’s on the couch, Rei is on top of him and they’re kissing. Rei’s tongue is in his mouth and he’s trying his best to kiss back and he feels like he’s on fire. He’s never felt this way before, not with any girl he’s kissed. And it’s exciting and scary and he wants more. He feels like he can’t get enough.
Rei’s hand goes behind Kaoru’s neck to pull out the small ponytail Kaoru has and it’s then when Kaoru finally realizes the situation. He grabs at Rei’s hand, stopping it before it can tug on his hair. Rei looks confused and Kaoru’s brain freezes.
Rei’s a guy.
Kaoru doesn’t like guys.
He pushes Rei off of him, hard, and Rei falls off the couch onto the ground. He looks confused, hurt, and pissed, red eyes glaring at Kaoru for such an act, “What did ya do that for?”
“I’m not interested in guys Sakuma-san,” Kaoru says like it’s a fact, like he wasn’t just making out with the man in front of him moments ago.
“Could’ve fooled me. Especially since ya jumped on me and brought me down to the couch with ya. Such a handsome guy, who could resist someone like you Hakaze-kun?” Rei’s gotten up now, cleaning himself off but still keeping his distance. He looks Kaoru in the eye, like he’s trying to figure something out.
Kaoru has to think for a moment, Rei’s not wrong in what he said, but Kaoru doesn’t know why he did those actions. He’s not drunk, not tonight, but now he was starting to wish he was. He can’t sweet talk his way out of this one, “A mistake,” is what he decides on, “I made a mistake.”
Rei glares at him harder, “A mistake indeed,” his words sound like venom, Kaoru knew the man could sound cold, but the way Rei sounds makes the room drop 10 degrees and sends shivers down his spine. “I’ll be going now, don’t make any more mistakes as you clean up,” Rei grabs his stuff and walks out, not even bothering to change like he usually does. Kaoru knows that he has messed up.
He tries not to care about it as he starts the clean up process. There’s still a few guests left and he picks out a cute girl from the small crowd to talk to. They flirt for a while, it’s relieving to Kaoru. He doesn’t know why, but he keeps cleaning while talking to her, trying to convince himself that it’s much better than what he just did with Rei moments ago.
And if he ends up doing things with her, is that really anyone’s business?
Weeks pass since the incident, Rei goes to England. Something about a medical study and other things abroad. Kaoru had forgotten about Rei’s weird blood thing, but it’s not his problem so he forgets about it again soon after he remembers.
He has a date to go on after all.
Months pass, Rei’s not back. Rumor has it he came back for a bit but now he’s gone again. Kaoru doesn’t know where, but everytime he sees that Oogami kid, the one that followed Rei around like a puppy, he looks like he’s about to cry.
Morbid curiosity breaks Kaoru and he asks about Rei one day to the kid. Expecting a response of going off to a different country, or sleeping, or skipping, or Kaoru doesn’t really know what he was expecting.
“Sakuma-senpai has fallen.”
Well, Kaoru wasn’t expecting that.
Oogami starts tuning the strings on his guitar, making it clear he won’t answer anymore questions. As he looks down, Kaoru realized that Oogami cut off the ponytail he used to wear, making his hair gray and short. He also realizes that Koga Oogami is holding Rei’s guitar.
And he wonders if this is partly his fault.
A new school year starts, Kaoru is surprised when Rei is back.
But Rei isn’t back in the sense that Kaoru knows him. The Rei that is at school now sleeps all the time, in the coffin Natsume built for him. The Rei now speaks like an old man, as if he really has lived a thousand years, and not like the rebellious teenager he was the last time Kaoru saw him.The Rei now looks sick and frail, as if a breeze like Kaoru could knock him down at any moment. Fallen was an understatement, Rei looks gone, dead, almost like a corpse.
They don’t speak any words to each other, Kaoru being shocked and Rei being tired. But as Rei walks past to go back to sleep, he bumps into Kaoru’s shoulder, bringing him back to the world.
Later, Koga talks to Kaoru, asking him to be a part of a new idol unit, Undead. Kaoru is confused, “Why me?” he asks.
“Because the vampire bastard asked for you. And…and if you are part of the reason he gets back on stage, then so be it. I just want him to be fucking normal again.” Koga talks rough as usual, but instead of having an affectionate tone about Rei, it almost sounds like he hates him.
Kaoru decides to ignore it and asks another question, “Who’s all in it?”
“Me, Sakuma, Adonis, and you if you decide to accept.”
“Who’s Adonis?”
“This guy the vampire bastard found in the middle east. Don’t even know when he went there, but he came back with him. Half Japanese but is still learning the language, kind but looks like he can tear you in half, my year,” Koga sounds like he’s both bored and annoyed. Kaoru decides to just nod, say he’ll join, and leave.
The first practice with this new unit, Undead, comes sooner rather than later. Which is a surprise to Kaoru, but goes to it anyways. Rei is written as the leader on paper, but Kaoru wouldn’t be surprised if Koga scheduled the practice.
He walks into the room, he sees Koga tuning his guitar, yellow eyes focused on the strings, a coffin, where Kaoru supposes Rei is, and a dark skinned man who looks like he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Kaoru guesses that that’s Adonis. And as if Rei sensed Kaoru’s presence, the coffin lid opens and Rei sits up slowly.
With the exception of the tuning Koga is still doing, it’s silent.
And awkward.
So awkward.
Kaoru realizes that they all know Rei. But knowing the other group members is something that is almost nonexistent. Not that he really wants to know them that well anyways.
Last time he got to know a man, he ended up making out with him behind a stage.
Practice goes by, at some point Rei goes back to sleep. Kaoru thinks it’s cute, in a weird way. But the second that thought goes through his mind, he realizes he thought that about a man.
And that scares him.
It scares him that he wants to feel the way he felt about a year ago. That he thinks no one was a better kisser than Rei and that he wants to experience it again. That he thought it was only lust but calling someone cute crosses the line from just lust to maybe something else territory. He doesn’t want to know what that something else is. He’s scared to know.
So he decides to schedule dates for the rest of the week. With random girls’ numbers he has, girls he barely knew. But going out with someone was better than seeing Rei any day. Or at least, that is what he tells himself.
But if he gives Rei a blanket before leaving the room, no one has to know.
More months pass. And with the months come lives, dates, and very few practices. Sometimes Rei will send out Adonis to find and drag Kaoru to his obligation, and sometimes Kaoru will come himself only to not get kicked out of school.
And everytime he goes, he swears Rei gets hotter.
He doesn’t like this fact. He keeps distracting himself. Running away. The only thing he knows how to do. Running away to girls, to the meaningless dates he hopes to find happiness in.
Sometimes he’s forced to do lives. He finds himself okay with that. Blowing kisses to the masses. Flirting with them on stage. Kaoru is good at what he does when it comes down to it.
He doesn’t make eye contact with Rei at all during these lives. He hopes no one notices in the crowd.
After one live, one that was successful and ran late and was heated, Rei backs Kaoru into a wall. Kaoru’s back is against the wall, Rei’s hand on the side of his head, Kaoru’s gray eyes are wide, he knows this, and Rei’s red ones are analyzing as always.As if Kaoru is a puzzle he is trying to figure out.
“Why do you keep avoiding me?” Rei asks after a couple of minutes.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Kaoru says, knowing exactly what the man in front of him is asking. Knowing what he is asking, but not knowing the answer. Afraid to look into the answer.
There’s silence between them, Rei furrows his brow. Not looking mad, but more disappointed, more frustrated. “Keep telling yourself that.” He says and with that, he pulls away and walks off.
Kaoru doesn’t want to process what just happened. So he decided to put it in the very back of his mind. He then pulls out his phone to see if any girls are willing to have a late night date. Running away from his problems like usual.
Time passes again. He ends up becoming friends with some guys in his class, Chiaki and Izumi, he doesn’t really know how that happened though. But since he doesn’t feel the same way towards them as he does Rei, he decides it’s okay. And maybe if that’s okay, he can go to the club he joined sometimes too, one of Chiaki’s unit members is the head of it anyways.
So he starts hanging out with his new friends and going to the Marine Biology Club, even if at club another member, Souma, tries to kill him everytime he goes. He has fun. He still goes on dates and lives his life.
And never goes to unit practice.
Never practice.
Until one day Adonis finds him once again and forces him to go. He realizes it’s almost the end of the year at that point, almost time for graduation. Kaoru realizes his days of seeing Rei are most likely numbered so he decides to start going and make sure that their last live goes out with a bang.
And at graduation he makes sure to put on the best performance ever. Makes sure to do his best he’s ever done and it’s worth it. The crowd smiles and Kaoru knows he wants to do more.
The entire day is filled with what could only be considered chaos. Lives going on all day, juniors saying goodbye to their seniors, celebrating making it and being done. There’s so much going on and Kaoru is surprised when Rei finds the time to pull him off to the side. Rei asks Kaoru to become a professional with him, something that Kaoru has no idea why Rei would ask him to do. And yet he finds himself saying yes to the offer. Rei smiles, a genuine smile, something Kaoru hasn’t seen from the man in a long time.
And when he smiles, Kaoru Hakaze finally realizes that he’s in love.
In love with Rei Sakuma.
And the thought of that scares him. It scares him so much. The realization of that while Rei’s still smiling is scary and terrifying and so much and there’s so many emotions going on.
But in the midst of all those confusing emotions, a part Kaoru is glad that he’s admitted it to himself.
Not that he knows what to do with this new information.
And with that he and Rei walk back into the chaos. Kaoru’s mind swirling with emotions but his face looking like he’s fine.
More months pass and Ensemble Square, ES, is created. Thanks to that, Undead can still function like they used to, despite the fact Koga and Adonis are still in school.
This also means they now live in dorms.
Rei doesn’t room with Kaoru, but with how often he comes over he might as well be. Rei’s roommates seem to annoy him. With Aira looking up to him like Koga once did and Eichi somehow disagreeing with Rei on every single thing. So it isn’t uncommon to see Rei in Kaoru’s room just sleeping. In Kaoru’s bed.
One night, while Rei is still asleep in Kaoru’s bed and Kaoru is doing work, one of Kaoru’s roommates, Nagisa, stares at the two of them. It gets to the point where Kaoru is starting to get uncomfortable, but he knows Nagisa isn’t the best with communicating so he decides to start up conversation.
“Ran-san, is something wrong?”
“...Not really but I have a question,” Nagisa says like he’s walking on thin ice. Like if Kaoru would get mad at him for doing so.
“You can ask it,” Kaoru says in the most kind voice he can muster up at this time.
“...Are you two an item?”
Kaoru looks at him with wide eyes, then looks down at the ground, “No,” He starts off, “but I would like us to be.”
Nagisa stares still, then speaks, “...you should tell him.” And then picks up a rock from his collection and starts polishing it, signifying the conversation is over.
Kaoru thinks about it, then looks at the man sleeping in his bed. He really should stop running away from his problems.
A few days later, he decides to do it, to confess. Practice has ended, something he goes to regularly now since it’s his job, and he asks Rei to talk to him for a bit afterwards.
“Is something wrong Kaoru-kun? Do I need to stay away from your room tonight?” Rei asked, confused.
“No it’s just…” Kaoru trailed off not knowing if he should really go through with this, “I realized that I love you.” He looks away from Rei and braces himself for the worst.
“Love me?”
“Yes.”
“Prove it.”
“Prove it?” Kaoru looks into Rei’s eyes confused. “What do you mean?”
“I mean I want you to prove to me that you love me because you already hurt my heart once. I couldn’t stand to have it be fully broken if this isn’t true.”
Kaoru looks down at the ground, knowing what Rei meant. Knowing that Rei hadn’t forgotten that night two years ago much like Kaoru hadn’t. But that wasn’t a rejection from Rei, in fact he implied he shared the feelings back. That this was just something to stop him from getting hurt. And that filled Kaoru up with hope.
“I’ll make sure I’ll prove it to you.”
A promise.
“I look forward to it.”
A smile.
With that they both leave, going to go do their respective plans for later that day. And as Kaoru is leaving, he realizes he has no idea what he is going to do. But he’s going to a cafe with Chaiki tomorrow, maybe he can ask him for advice.
Tomorrow comes, Kaoru gets ready and heads out. He meets Chiaki at the cafe, where he sees the brunet haired man waving his arm excitedly at the sight of Kaoru. “Hakaze!”
Kaoru smiles as he goes towards the man, “Morichi!” and he is quickly engulfed in a hug by Chiaki.
They go inside and make a simple order. After getting what is going to be their breakfast, they start catching up. Chiaki filling Kaoru in on what Ryuseitai has done recently among other things. And Kaoru doing the same about his own life. They haven’t spoken in a while, and it’s nice.
“Hey Morichi, how would you prove your love to someone?” Kaoru decides to ask.
Chiaki almost spits out his drink,“That’s not like you to be asking! Don’t you know everything about love? Besides, didn’t you say you’ve moved on from the playboy life?” Chiaki’s eyes narrow in concern after saying the last sentence, making sure his friend isn’t falling back into bad habits.
“I know. I just want it to be serious this time,” Kaoru says blushing and looking away, “...I don’t want to use cheap tricks this time.”
Chiaki’s eyes soften, “Then just do something that feels right. Something real. I’m sure they’ll understand.”
“Thank you.”
“Of course. That’s what friends are for!”
They continue talking. Chiaki finds out it’s Rei and Kaoru gets an idea of what to do. He asks Chiaki to help him make sure no one is in the garden the next night, knowing that both Rei and him will be free then. Chiaki agrees to help make sure no one is in there while Kaoru plans, sending a quick text to Rei asking him to meet up with him the next night.
The day goes by quickly for Kaoru, going to a photoshoot right after his breakfast, then spending the rest of the day making sure he has everything for tomorrow night. Night comes, he goes to sleep, then wakes up only to finish up making sure everything is right for his date tonight.
He looks at the finished product with pride. A blanket for the two of them to sit on is in the middle of the garden, flowers all around them being able to be seen by the moon, stars, and fireflies. The buildings around the garden are mostly used for office reasons, making it to where their lights are off and the stars are able to be seen. Various fruits and vegetables are on plates on the blanket, with hummus to dip the vegetables in as well. Kaoru is holding a bouquet of different colored roses, waiting for Rei to come.
Every second feels like hours waiting, but Rei does come. The face Rei makes is one of shock and happiness as he takes in everything. Kaoru walks up to him and gives him the flowers, taking his hand and leading him to the blanket.
They sit down and Rei gently puts the roses to the side. “Kaoru-kun, I don’t know what to say.”
“Do you like it?”
“Yes. I wasn’t expecting this,” fireflies float around, lighting up Rei’s face. Kaoru thinks it’s absolutely beautiful.
“I wanted to make it perfect. I wanted you to know I was serious,” Kaoru takes Rei’s hand again and gently lifts it to his lips to kiss, “And I hope I accomplished that.”
“You did. More than I expected,” Their faces move closer, but Kaoru plays that off as his imagination.
“I’m glad,” Closer once again.
Their faces are almost touching, Rei looks down at Kaoru’s lips and back into Kaoru’s eyes. He looks at Kaoru’s lips again and leans in more, making the two of them kiss. And it’s soft, it’s sweet, and Kaoru doesn’t want this moment to stop.
Rei pulls back, making their foreheads lean on each other, “Kaoru-kun, I’ve realized I really like you too.”
Kaoru smiles, happy his feelings are returned. He goes back in to kiss Rei again, and Rei smiles into it.
And in the moonlight with fireflies dancing all around them, two men kiss again and again surrounded by flowers of all kinds. Eventually they will pull back and enjoy each other’s presence in different ways. But for now, they’re happy with kissing each other the way they should of months ago.
Happy and content.