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~~~
“Arthur, there’s nothing out here.”
“Shut up, Merlin.”
“Seriously, we haven’t found anything all day! Can’t we just head home?”
Arthur rolled his eyes, only urging his horse forward. He heard Merlin scoff behind him, and grinned as he heard the man muttering to himself about what an ass the prince was. Merlin was just too easy to mess with, the smallest things seemed to rile him up. Arthur absolutely loved it, thrived in it, actually. Getting out of Camelot, wandering the woods, joking back and forth with his best friend… Arthur always felt completely rejuvenated by the time they returned home.
“What was that?” Merlin interrupted Arthur’s thoughts. Arthur frowned, taking in the forest around them. The trees were dense, creating a layer of darkness, but otherwise, Arthur couldn’t see anything out of place. He shrugged.
“I didn’t hear anything.”
“Will you shut up and listen, you prat?!”
Arthur was about to retort back, but a loud ROAR in the distance cut him off.
“What is that?” he said, looking at Merlin. The man bit his lip and shook his head.
“I don’t know, I’ve never heard any animal cry like that.”
“Is it a creature of magic, then?”
Merlin shrugged.
“I… it could be, I suppose…”
Arthur nodded, his resolution set.
“Then we must hunt it down, it poses a threat so close to Camelot.” Dismounting his horse, Arthur made quick work to tie it to a tree, grabbing his sword and tossing Merlin a crossbow. The man, of course, fumbled the catch and almost fell off his horse. Normally, Arthur would be tempted to tease him for it, but now was not the time.
ROAR
This time, the creature sounded a lot closer. In fact, Arthur could see the trees in front of them beginning to shake. The earth trembled beneath his feet. He raised his sword, readying himself. Merlin stood next to him. Sparing a quick glance, Arthur moaned in exasperation.
“Merlin! You’re holding it wrong!” he hissed.
“What?”
“The crossbow!!” Arthur tried to readjust Merlin’s grip. For the love of god, you are completely helpless-”
A huge beast burst through the trees, pounding the ground beneath its hooves so hard that both Arthur and Merlin almost fell to the ground.
Leaning on a tree for support, Arthur’s eyes trailed over the creature, and, he had to say, he’d never been so confused.
It looked like a deer. It had four knobbly legs, hooves, the same body as a deer. But it couldn’t be, for not only was it larger than a deer, it had the face of an owl. Arthur’s eyes widened as he spotted an emerald green tail snaking behind it, covered in scales and spikes.
“Merlin,” he said. “What the hell is that?” The creature crouched down low to the ground, clicking its beak as it began to stalk them, prowling and growling.
“I have absolutely no idea.”
Damn . As much as Arthur hated to admit it, he tended to rely on Merlin’s knowledge in these types of situations..
Arthur paced as close as he dared, letting his feet cross over one another in order to stay facing the beast, never once leaving its beady eyes.
“Arthur,” Merlin whispered at his side. “What do we do?”
“How the bloody hell should I know?!” Arthur said through gritted teeth. The creature circled the two men, forcing them to turn with it.
“Arthur!” Merlin was grabbing at his arm. “Owls can turn their heads in a complete circle, right? Arthur frowned.
“I think so?”
“Well, maybe if we just keep running around it, we can confuse it.”
Arthiur mouth dropped open, staring at Merlin with an incredulous look.
“That is, without a doubt, the stupidest idea you’ve ever had, and that’s saying something, Mer lin.”
“You got a better idea?! I’ll distract it, you wait for an opening!” Quick as a cat, Merlin darted off, waving at the beast as he went.
Arthur groaned, he felt absolutely ridiculous as he began dodging around the creature, making it turn round and round, struggling to decide which man to kill first.
Merlin looked like an utter fool, the man was literally jumping around, waving his arms while he hollered at the creature, “Over here, ya big chicken!!”
The beast seemed just as bewildered by Merlin as Arthur, whipping its head around and stepping over its own hooves.
Arthur’s eyes widened. That was his chance!
“Oi!” The creature spun around to face Arthur. Or at least, it tried to, but at that point its legs were so tangled up it tripped over itself, crashing to the earth.
Arthur lunged before it could get up again, plunging his sword into its side and stilling the beast. The forest fell quiet once more. Arthur looked up to grin at Merlin, his chest briefly filled with pride.
SQUELCH
Green slime burst from the wound like a fountain, covering Arthur from head to toe in goo. Arthur blinked.
He slowly raised his head to see Merlin, a crazy grin spreading across his face.
“Don’t you dare laugh, or I’ll throw in the stocks, Merlin.”
Merlin raised his hands in defense.
“I would never, sire!”
But for the entire journey back, Arthur kept hearing little sniggers behind him, whipping his head around to glare at Merlin. The man looked far too pleased with himself. Arthur sulked all the way home.
~~~
Arthur burst into his chambers, Merlin right behind him. Arthur shivered in disgust as a blob of goo fell from his hair to land with a SPLAT on the floor. Whatever the hell that green gunk was, he needed it off of him, now .
“Merlin, draw me a bath,” he said, chucking his sword onto the bed.
“Hm, yes, of course, sire, anything you say, sire!”
A vein pulsed on Arthur’s temple. That idiot was still laughing at him, wasn’t he?! Arthur whirled around to shout at the man, but Merlin had just ducked out of the room. Arthur could hear that fool’s cackling laughter echoing down the corridor. As Arthur waited for Merlin’s return, he fantasized of all the ways he could make that clotpole’s life as miserable as possible in the coming days.
~~~
Arthur groaned in relief as he sunk into the hot bath, that last layer of goo finally starting to wash off. Merlin had wiped off as much as he could, but there was still a thick layer on Arthur’s skin and in his hair.
“Better?” Merlin smiled at him from the side of the room as he attempted to scrub the slime off of Arthur’s armor. Arthur let himself slink lower.
“Better,” he replied.
“Good,” Merlin said, rising to his feet to walk over and kneel beside the tub. “I wouldn’t be able to stand it if you pouted like a child the rest of the day.”
Arthur chuckled, letting his eyes fall shut as Merlin began to wash his hair.
“Princes don’t pout, Merlin.”
“No, you're right, only dollopheads do.”
Merlin squaked at the water Arthur threw in his face.
~~~
After a rather rambunctious water fight involving a lot of slipping and bruised limbs, Arthur sat at his desk, reading over his reports as Merlin sharpened his sword. Setting down his papers, Arthur observed Merlin, contemplating the man. Although his idea was ridiculous, it worked in the end. In fact, if Arthur thought about it, most of Merlin’s idiotic ideas seemed to work out, at least when Arthur listened. Arthur supposed he should be grateful to have such a friend.
He sighed as he watched the man begin to droop, sword dipping down and eyelids closing.
“Merlin, it’s getting late, you ought to get to bed.” Arthur couldn’t keep the amusement out of his voice.
Merlin shook himself, looking around.
“Sorry sire, must’ve dozed off.” Merlin rubbed his eyes before standing up and making his way towards the doors.
“‘Night, Arthur.”
“Wait!” Arthur blurted out, unable to stop himself. He flushed in embarrassment as Merlin turned and looked over his shoulder, a hand on the door.
“Yeah?”
Arthur scratched at the back of his head, avoiding Merlin’s eyes.
“Ah, I just wanted to say… you did well today. For all your ridiculously stupid ideas, on occasion you seem to come up with a half decent plan.”
Merlin’s mouth was gaping and his eyebrows disappeared in his hairline. A quirky smile replaced his surprise.
“That sounds awfully like a compliment, sire .”
“Don’t be stupid, Mer lin”, Arthur said with a scoff, folding his arms over his chest. But he couldn’t help but smile back at his best friend.
“But seriously, thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Merlin's smile had gone soft as Arthur spoke, but quickly switched to mischievous.
“Well, I suppose you’d lead an incredibly boring life.”
“Merlin?”
“Yes?”
“Shut up.”
~~~