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“Are you going to tell me what’s up?”
Jaehyun’s apartment looks like a mess, frankly, but Doyoung is not here to be his mom, he’s here to shake his friend out of whatever bad mood this is — that doesn’t stop him from picking up a few T-shirts laying on the ground and tossing them at the laundry hamper. Jaehyun himself looks pretty much in the same state, face down on the bed in a hoodie pulled over his head.
Doyoung jabs him once on the asscheek; Jaehyun doesn’t even react. Honestly, he hadn’t seen Jaehyun this down since… well, since he caused it by breaking up with the man last year. Never mind that, this time, the bout of moodiness had come seemingly out of nowhere.
Jaehyun groans into his pillow.
“Come on, Jae. Get a grip." Doyoung knees onto the bed, grabbing the edge of the hoodie and giving it a good yank. “Talk.”
Jaehyun’s face finally leaves the pillow, and he squints at Doyoung forlornly. Doyoung gives him another jab, and he rolls over like a log, content to marinate on the bed until he sinks in and becomes one with the mattress.
But he relents. “I went to class last week.”
Doyoung waits, but apparently Jaehyun is not going to make this easy — he sighs, runs a hand through his hair, before obligingly replying.
“Yes, we all did. Class started last week, get on with it,” he huffs.
Jaehyun sighs like a damsel in distress. “Okay, so I go to class right, and I’m sitting in physics, I don’t understand any of that shit, so I go to TA office hours.”
“Okay…?”
“Okay, and the TA, is like. He’s like 12.”
Not this again. They’d had this conversation before, almost two years ago, when Jaehyun, fresh from a gap year trying to figure out what he wanted to do with his life, had a moment of crisis when he’d walked into class and suddenly realized time hadn’t stopped while he was gone. That everyone in his class was a year younger than him and all his friends were (being the overachievers they still are) a year or two ahead, leaving him to ‘feel old and stupid’ in his words. They’d all consoled him of course, told him it was okay, that they weren’t leaving him behind, until the moping got too annoying and Doyoung had hauled his ass out of his apartment and smacked him — figuratively speaking — back to the old Jaehyun he knew: someone who is smart, who is capable, but just wasn’t on the same timetable.
Subconsciously, Doyoung pushes his sleeves up his arms. He’ll do it again if necessary.
“He can’t be 12 for real.”
“He’s 19. That’s basically 12.”
“So what?”
“So—! I’m 22! And I walk into office hours and it’s this kid looking at me.” His arms fly up in exasperation. "Lookin’ at me like ‘What’s this stupid old guy doing here’—”
Doyoung sighs. “He probably wasn’t.”
"—and then I just fucking walk out because I would rather ask get the questions wrong than sit there and demonstrate my stupidity to some 19-year-old. How is he even a TA for physics 2 as a sophomore? What?”
Doyoung pinches the bridge of his nose. He really needs to make sure Jaehyun hangs out more, otherwise he’ll just get stuck in his own head like this.
“It doesn’t matter that he’s younger than you, and he almost certainly doesn’t give a shit, Jae. The same reason why cashiers don’t care if you’re buying condoms, because no one cares.” Jaehyun looks like he’s about to interrupt, but Doyoung cuts him off cleanly. “Is your homework done?”
Jaehyun’s groan is answer enough; he tries to roll over again, but Doyoung already saw that coming, hand darting out to grab his arm and yanking him back. He almost wishes he hadn’t though, because Jaehyun is in full pouty mode now, lower lip jutting out and eyes wide.
“It’s too fucking hard! I don’t understand all the numbers and shit. All the deltas and sigmas’s, they’re too hard!” He starts kicking his legs in the air like an absolute toddler, and Doyoung grabs a flying ankle before it knocks a cup over. “Why am I even in this dumbass major?? Why?”
“Yeah I can’t help you with that one. But this tutor kid can help you with the physics, so you really should go see him.”
“But—”
“And I don’t give a fuck about your inferiority complex, or whatever this is.” Doyoung grimaces at Jaehyun’s whiny tone. “Just remember the cashier thing and go . If you don’t, you’ll just be miserable.”
“I’ll be miserable, but at least I’ll have my dignity,” Jaehyun mutters.
“Not if you fail this class. Now go .”
---
The door to the tutor center creaks just a little too loudly, and Jaehyun cringes when the kid looks up immediately. He’s sure that he remembers his embarrassing little 180 earlier that week, so right now, he’s pretty much locked down to stay, or else this tutor might think he’s stalking him or something. The engineering tutoring center is almost empty, it being the first week of class, and just remembering that fact makes Jaehyun cringe even harder — of course only he’s dumb enough to be confused this early in the semester. This is humiliating.
He’s about to make up a technical excuse about clarifying the submission and making a run for it, disapproving Doyoung or not, when—
— the kid smiles. Jaehyun freezes. He’s cute .
“Hi! Are you here for physics?” he chirps. “Go ahead, you can sit there.”
Okay. Or maybe he can stay.
“H-hi.” Jaehyun pulls out the chair and plops down in uncertainty. The tutor stares at him expectantly for a second before he realizes he didn’t even answer the question he asked, and he mentally kicks himself. “Uh- Yeah. Physics.”
The kid’s friendly, at least. He’s also very cute.
“Well, great! I can help with whatever. If you need a concept explained or if you have a specific question you want to go over… whatever you need.”
Jaehyun pulls out his notebook and silently hands it over.
"Okay, let's see. Electric fields, huh? Nah, these were trippy." Jaemin whips out a whiteboard, and pops the cap off of the dry erase marker. "Here, let me draw this..."
Jaehyun fiddles with his pen, looking anywhere but at his tutor, while the marker squeaks against the board. Is that weird? Is he being weird? The pen falls out of his grip and he grimaces when it clatters against the table.
It's not like he's always like this around cute guys; Jaehyun likes to think that he has a few moves still left in his kit. Not that he would make a move on the TA, for god's sake. He lets himself take in Jaemin for a second while he writes -- a shock of platinum blond hair, cargo pants, a jacket that says some band (?) Jaehyun doesn't recognize. He fixates on the swing of a crystal hanging on the hoop through his right ear – he's wearing a beanie despite the heat outside, and it makes his hair look even whiter.
Jaemin sure doesn't look like an engineering student.
He looks cool .
"Alright," Jaemin says, turning the board to face Jaehyun. He's written a few formulas on the board, but there's also a drawing of... pikachu? It's surprisingly good. "So, electric fields."
It's possible Jaemin expected Jaehyun to say something, but when Jaehyun looks away from the Pikachu to finally look Jaemin in the eye for the first time, his mind goes blank.
Jaemin smiles like a socialite. If not for that, Jaehyun would've bolted.
When he doesn't speak, Jaemin continues his lecture. "If Pikachu can use electric fields, so can you! Think of it as an electron… If Pikachu were sitting in an electric field, he would tell you that he could feel a force like a bird feels a jetstream,” Jaemin flaps his free hand in a demonstration, “... because the field pushes him along…”
By all means this lecture should feel condescending, if it didn’t make so much sense; Jaemin is talking about a cartoon character, but he feels so genuine in his gestures, Jaehyun finds himself nodding along. It’s so much easier to follow the odd metaphors and references Jaemin makes, surprisingly enough – he starts talking about how a big Pikachu would win a fight against a small Pichu because it has more charge, and he has 100% of Jaehyun’s attention. It’s such a departure from the dry lecture the professor delivers, and it makes sense.
It helps that Jaemin is really, really cute.
Jaehyun catches himself staring occasionally, unable to tear his eyes away from Jaemin’s face until the kid taps the whiteboard meaningfully, redirecting his attention. Once in a while, Jaemin will catch him mid-stare, and instead of blushing as he probably would have, or politely pretending not to notice, Jaemin will match his gaze with an intensity that Jaehyun can’t beat. But he can’t help it; after having the decency to look away in embarrassment for a moment, his eyes drift back to Jaemin again, his easy smile, his relaxed demeanor…
“Always think about your answer, see if it makes sense, like, common sense. Got it?”
“Yeah.”
Honestly, only Jaehyun would be pathetic enough to ogle at his physics tutor . He’s just glad Doyoung (or anyone, really) is around to witness his utter humiliation when Jaemin takes off his jacket to reveal the tank top he has on inside…
There’s no way Jaemin didn’t see the way his eyes widened and his speech stuttered at the sight of those arms – he doesn’t look like it, but Jaemin is fit .
He can’t help it; his eyes trace down the side of those arms, the defined muscle, the way his shoulders look even broader in comparison to the rest of his torso. His hands clasp before he even realizes he’s imagining touching Jaemin’s biceps.
Fuck– This is Jaehyun’s cue to leave.
“I-I got to go, thanks for the help–”
He gives what is probably the fakest excuse ever, and rushes out the door.
Jaehyun has learned three things about Jaemin by their third meeting.
---
One, the kid is smart. He’s a sophomore by age but a junior by courses – once he pulled up his school profile to show Jaehyun a class and Jaehyun didn’t miss the glaring 4.0 smack in the middle of the page, despite the overloaded schedule and the TA job. He’s got circles under his eyes, like any other engineering student, but something tells Jaehyun that Jaemin never breaks a sweat over classes.
Two, coffee is to Jaemin like gasoline is for a car, literally and metaphorically. Jaehyun can usually tell what kind of Jaemin he’s going to get based on how much of his fancy Starbucks glass cup is filled with pitch black liquid, the kind of undiluted caffeine juice that could probably kill a squirrel on the spot. Less than half consumed, Jaehyun can expect a calm Jaemin explaining probably like a normal tutor would; more than half consumed… things get a little crazy. It’s like Jaemin stops blinking entirely, hands waving, voice escalating in excitement as if to convey the physics concept to Jaehyun on pure energy alone.
Today, it’s at the halfway point, and Jaemin’s leg taps incessantly against the ground, but he’s not quite at the point of leaping out of his seat to demonstrate some point yet.
Speaking of…
Three. He looks great in skinny jeans, specifically the ripped kind.
He looks fucking amazing .
Jaehyun lets his eyes trail as Jaemin boots up his laptop, gliding over the rips and tears here and there traveling up past his knees to his thighs… Do rips normally go that high? Jaemin is wearing a chain that loops from a belt loop to his back pocket, and it would look too tryhard on anyone else but Jaemin pulls it off like it’s Tuesday.
“Let’s see what the prof went over this week,” he chirps, unaware of the way Jaehyun tears his eyes guiltily away from those bare patches of skin. “He hasn’t gotten to magnetic fields yet, has he?”
Sure, Jaehyun doesn’t need Jaemin’s help with homework every week, but it’s like Jaemin said, he’s paid to sit there and help students anyway, so he might as well come. He’s a little embarrassed still, but that’s a small price to pay to learn the ten different right hand rules from Jaemin in person.
“Your index finger is the x-axis…” Jaemin pulls his finger out gently, “...your middle finger is the y-axis and your thumb is the direction of the z-axis…” He’s got both hands wrapped around Jaehyun’s, as if Jaehyun can’t move his fingers on his own. “In this equation, you can also consider these to be the field, force, and current respectively… I assume you remember those symbols?”
Jaehyun nods like a bobblehead. Jaemin is still holding his hand, absentmindedly fidgeting with his fingers, thumb running over his skin. Nevermind the professor had gone over this very simple rule in class multiple times, maybe Jaehyun needs Jaemin to explain it again.
“It also works with cross-products in vector multiplication, two fingers and your thumb…”
Hearing all those words come out of Jaemin’s mouth only makes him hotter.
“And you know the right hand rule for magnetic fields around a wire?”
Yes, he does. But who is he to turn down a refresher?
“Uh, remind me?” Jaehyun looks up from their clasped hands and finds Jaemin staring at him, smirking at him.
“What’s the equation?” Jaemin asks him, slowly and deliberately. He’s got a mischievous glint in his eye, and Jaehyun swallows.
“Ummmm…”
“Come on, what’s the equation?” Jaemin is uncurling his fingers now, pressing his thumb into Jaehyun’s palm. “B equals…?”
There’s no way Jaemin isn’t toying with him right now, right? Jaehyun reads the way he’s leaning forward, the way he’s still holding Jaehyun’s hand, the toothy grin – he’s got to be teasing, he must know what Jaehyun is thinking.
“B equals… 𝜇 times I over 2𝜋r squared,” Jaehyun mumbles. “Magnetic field is proportional to current flowing through a wire.”
“Good! If you imagine your fingers curling in the direction of the field…” Jaemin pushes each of Jaehyun’s fingers back into a curled position until he’s holding a thumbs-up. “Then your thumb points in the direction of the current.” He taps Jaehyun’s thumb twice and twists his wrist so it’s pointing up. “A very useful rule for charged wires and rods…”
Shit. He’s definitely trying something, he’s definitely holding onto Jaehyun’s hand for longer than necessary, otherwise why would he be staring like that? Jaehyun tries to open his mouth, say something intelligent and totally not flustered , tries to be cool–
“Okay! I think you got it! I gotta go run to a concert but you email me if you’ve got other questions!”
Jaehyun blinks as Jaemin releases his hand with a flourish, letting it drop to the desk unceremoniously. He’s already standing, throwing his laptop into his backpack, flicking on his phone camera to check his eyeliner (?) before flashing a completely innocuous smile at Jaehyun.
“O-oh, okay?”
“Yeah, see you later! Use that right hand right on your quiz tomorrow!”
---
“--And then he just left. What does that mean?! ”
Doyoung takes a loooonnnggg sip of the vodka-fruit punch cocktail in hand, before setting it down and fixing Jaehyun with a look. They’re leaning close, the loud EDM music of the party blaring just loud enough to make talking difficult, but not too loud as to get Doyoung in trouble for throwing this party in his apartment. There’s a lot of people Jaehyun doesn’t know, so after squeezing through bodies and picking up a beer along the way, the first thing he does is beeline for a tipsy Doyoung.
Tipsy and annoyed now, at least.
“You told me that whole ass story just for one mediocre pick-up line? You assured me, Jaehyun, that all that physics would be worth it.”
“Y-you think he was trying to pick me up?? Can… can engineers be gay? ”
Doyoung is already popping the cap off the vodka bottle again, only half listening to Jaehyun’s alcohol-induced mental breakdown. “Jae, you’re gay. So am I.”
“Okay, first of all, comp sci is not engineering,” Doyoung rolls his eyes at him. “Second, I’m not gonna be an engineer if I fail all my classes.”
“Well I mean,” Doyoung takes a sip, winces. “He doesn’t seem dense, does he? Why else would he say that shit, Jae? Come on.”
“Say what?”
Both Jaehyun and Doyoung jump at the sight of Donghyuck seemingly materializing out of thin air under their noses – he’s toting a plastic cup of definitely-not-water too, even though Jaehyun is pretty sure he’s underage. He smiles innocently at both of them, before deliberately taking another sip.
“Hi~ Doie~”
Doyoung eyes him suspiciously. Donghyuck meets his gaze head-on, that angelic smile twisting into a smirk when Doyoung looks away.
Jaehyun looks between the two of them, completely lost. “Wait, what’s going on–”
Doyoung cuts Jaehyun off. “Nothing, Donghyuck. Why are you even here?? You’re like, 12.”
“I’m here,” Donghyuck says with an air of undeserved self-confidence, despite speaking to two guys older than him by at least a few years, “...because Jeno is my friend, and friends get their friends free alcohol.”
Doyoung huffs in annoyance at the mention of his brother’s name. Jeno is pretty cool in Jaehyun’s books, inheriting none of the STEM-loving genes from the Lees, instead going for a sports chiropractor path instead, and much to Doyoung’s endless complaining about how much easier Jeno gets off.
“Oh great, so there are more of you children wandering around my party that I did not invite you to?”
“Yessir!” Donghyuck salutes, all sarcasm. “And we are having a great time. Now, who said what?”
“ Nothing . Go away–”
Doyoung is interrupted by someone yelling ‘ Hyuck!’ from clear across the room over the music; all three of them pivot in unison towards the voice, and Jaehyun nearly has a heart attack when he instantly recognizes the shock of white, white hair, and that sharp smile. It takes his brain a second though, and the panic doesn’t fully set in until Jaemin’s eyes find him too, and they lock stares.
Holy shit, he’s wearing eyeshadow. It’s electric pink .
Jaehyun is a coward, he’s not too proud to admit it. When Jaemin sees him, his eyes momentarily widen, and his face breaks into a wide, mischievous smile, he takes a step back in horror, and honest to god makes a run for it. He spins on his heel before Jaemin can get another step closer.
Oh, it’s embarrassing for sure, but he moves before he can think. His brain is two steps behind his body, and his body wants to leave, now, because Jaemin is wearing a glittery tank top that shows off his arms and white, fitted pants that make him shine like a beacon in the low light of the living room, and he’s so drab in comparison. He kicks himself that he didn’t bother to do his hair, or put in his contacts, or wear anything nice other than a plain black button-up– the pressure of Jaemin’s eyes is way too much right now.
Unluckily for him, Doyoung’s reflexes are still intact.
“Not happening, Jae–!”
A hand yanks the back of his collar, pulling him back into the circle just as Jaemin reaches them. Jeno is right behind him, Jaehyun realizes belatedly, smiling blissfully from the alcohol.
There’s no way they didn’t just see him pull that move – no one says a word for a second, and Jaehyun wants to die (or punch Doyoung) out of embarrassment.
Donghyuck mercifully does something. “Jaemin! You’re here!”
“Hey Donghyuck,” Jaemin flutters his fingers at the other boy, “Doyoung-hyung, thanks for the beer–”
Doyoung sighs wearily but nods his head in resignation.
Jaemin finally turns to Jaehyun. “Hi, Hyung…”
He winks. Jaehyun chokes.
“You two know each other??” Donghyuck’s head whips back and forth between the two; Jeno is just gone , humming the current pop song playing and leaning on Jaemin’s shoulder. He nuzzles cozily against his friend, completely ignoring Donghyuck’s flying accusations. “How??”
Oh god. Jaehyun flushes before Jaemin even says a thing, but he already knows what’s coming.
“I tutor Jaehyun in physics,” Jaemin purrs. His face isn’t red, but his exposed chest and arms are; he isn’t holding a cup, but something in the way he sways against Jeno’s weight tells Jaehyun he’s feeling a little more than tipsy for sure. Maybe that’s why he winks at Jaehyun again, slightly more sloppily this time. “He’s doing good!”
“I- What– Is physics a euphemism for something or–?” Donghyuck’s eyebrows raise like an inch up his forehead. “Did I miss a memo?”
“N-no! I–” Jaehyun’s face burns. Better to admit he’s stupid than fucking his TA, he decides. “He’s actually helping in physics,” he murmurs into his cup.
“Really??”
Doyoung sighs again. “Donghyuck, lay off. I didn’t let you in to bully Jae again.”
If Jaehyun had any remaining hope Jaemin would be helpful, it all flies out of the window when he chuckles. “Yes, I taught him the right hand rule last session…” He curls his fingers way too suggestively, still smirking. Donghyuck’s eyes widen like saucers, even Jeno glances up.
“The what ?!”
“ Doyoung!” Jaehyun forcefully tugs on Doyoung’s sleeve, hating how desperate he sounds — by God he can’t deal with that brat Donghyuck. Doyoung rolls his eyes, but all it takes is one step towards Donghyuck before the boy’s attention is completely focused on him. Thank fuck. Doyoung drags him and Jeno away, shooting a backward ‘you owe me!’ glance at Jaehyun before disappearing into the shadows of bodies.
It’s just the two of them now.
Jaemin smiles like a cat. He smiles a lot during tutoring, in an easy way, in a way that makes Jaehyun want to blush and smile back… but this isn’t like that. Jaemin smiles at him now, and he half expects him to lick his lips with how hungry he looks.
“Jae?” He takes a step closer. “Can I call you that too, hyung?”
“U-uhhh,” Jaehyun replies eloquently, but it doesn’t matter, really, because Jaemin opens his arms in a ‘look’ gesture, and does a slow spin on the spot. He wobbles a bit before facing Jaehyun again, grin wider than ever.
“How do I look? Pretty different from boring old tutoring, hm?”
Um, DUH. His arms look great from every angle, as does his ass in those tight white pants, and now that he’s closer, Jaehyun can see the thin silver chains around his neck. His nails are painted pink to match his eyeshadow, and every time the strobe lights flash, the glittery sequins on his top sparkle.
Wow… He looks…
He gulps.
“You look good,” he replies. He doesn’t know what to do, where to look.
Jaemin tilts his head, smile never falling.
“Just, good?”
The butterflies in Jaehyun’s stomach are still fluttering, so he chugs the rest of the beer, cringing at the taste, in an attempt to dampen their wings – people always say alcohol makes you more confident anyway, Jaehyun is about to test that theory. This is a party. He’s here to have fun.
Jaemin waits expectantly.
“Yeah…you look sexy.”
“Oh yeah?” Jaemin’s eyebrows shoot up.
He feels the alcohol burn in his stomach, and it feels good.
“Yeah,” he says softly.
The party music fades, or maybe it’s just Jaehyun’s senses hyperfocusing on Jaemin, because Jaemin comes even closer – Jaehyun breathes and he smells the lilting scent of Jaemin’s cologne. His top is a little scratchy, but his skin is so soft… Yeah, that’s what’s so stunning about Jaemin. He’s soft, his hair, his figure, his voice… it makes his stare, his smile stand out so much sharper in contrast, and Jaehyun can’t take his eyes away.
Jaemin takes his hand.
“You’re pretty sexy yourself too, hyung...”
---
“Why,” Doyoung sighs, “am I helping you with your homework?”
Jaehyun knew he would ask eventually, but even so, he doesn’t have many cards in his hand, so he plays the cute dongsaeng one – it usually works when Jeno uses it, anyway. “Beeecause you’re a nice hyung? And you’re really smart?” He pouts a little bit, targeting Doyoung’s soft spot.
Doyoung narrows his eyes. “You’re too old for this aegyo bullshit, Jae. What’s going on?”
What’s going on is the whirlwind of confused feelings in his chest that have been churning since that day at the party, and if not for the impending deadlines, he wouldn’t have even left his apartment at all, opting to wallow in his own embarrassment for at least another few days. Jaehyun closes his eyes, wishes for the safety of his bed, wishes physics weren’t so goddamn difficult to begin with. He needed help… but he couldn’t go to Jaemin. He just couldn’t.
What had happened?
Nothing. Nothing at all. Except maybe – the alcohol had burned in his stomach as Jaemin leaned in that night, face periodically lit up to the beat of the song, to the anxious thump of Jaehyun’s pulse. The flashing lights of the party, and then all of a sudden, the scratchy feeling of Jaemin’s top against his skin, the taste of–
“They kissed! Jaehyun and Jaem kissed! ”
Fuck. Donghyuck shouts way too loudly, head popping out from the other side of Doyoung. He’s wearing that smug little look like the devil, his smile widening when Doyoung turns to him in disbelief. “I saw it with my own eyes! Also, Jaem told me.”
“ What the hell?! ” Doyoung looks back and forth between them, unable to believe his ears, finally settling on Jaehyun like he’d turned green.
Jaehyun groans. He was going to tell Doyoung, just not like that . The rest of the people at the surrounding desks, he had really not planned on notifying as well, but Donghyuck does as he wants, whenever he wants. All Donghyuck had done during this whole study session was suck on a lollipop and rock in his chair, poking Doyoung and interrupting.
“You and Jaemin kissed?! No wonder you’ve been so mopey!” There’s an undercurrent of backhanded concern in Doyoung’s tone that Jaehyun doesn’t appreciate. “A little offended you didn’t tell me, but this is hilarious, honestly.”
“Can you explain to me again why that kid is here?”
Jaehyun expects the half-assed defense, it’s Doyoung’s stuttering and blushing he doesn’t see coming. “H-he– I don’t know. He just hangs around. Don’t change the subject!”
Donghyuck, on the other hand, is more than happy to elaborate.
“Doie and I, we’re–”
He’s unceremoniously cut off by Doyoung smacking a hand over his mouth; even so, his eyes still laugh mockingly.
“Wait, let me get this straight,” Doyoung presses. Donghyuck squirms like a trout in his arms. “You, Jung Jaehyun, kissed Na Jaemin? First of all, I’m thoroughly impressed you had the balls, I really thought we would just watch you pine forever like a sad second male lead.”
“Offensive.” But fair. He, himself, had fully expected to stand in the rain holding an umbrella too as a Kdrama OST plays in the background.
“Second of all, does this mean you’re just going to avoid him forever now?”
“Ahem, third,” Donghyuck frees himself from Doyoung’s grasp. “How good is he really? He brags all the time, it’s so annoying…”
The truth is that Jaemin is good. He’s really good, plus the extra boost from some liquid confidence, and it was like the best kiss Jaehyun had ever had… He’d been in a daze afterwards and just gaped in stunned silence for a full second, before Jaemin had pulled him back in for another kiss, this one hotter, the hand in his hair tighter, and Jaehyun pressed into it too, wanting to taste more of the peach mixed vodka on Jaemin’s tongue–
Without thinking, he rolled his hips against Jaemin’s, felt Jaemin’s boner at the same time he realized he was hard too.
Sobriety hit him like a bulldozer. All the nervousness that had been pushed down bubbled up again, he gasped and pulled away. He didn’t know what to do– so he just turned around and left. Just squeezed into the crowd and made a run for it.
Doyoung is still staring at him. The urge to smack his own head through the desk has never been stronger.
“I-I’m not going to avoid him forever . I just can’t see him right now, it’s too embarrassing.”
Donghyuck says ‘but was he good?’ at the same time Doyoung asks ‘what did you do??’, and Jaehyun just covers his reddening face with his hands. He’s just going to do this homework on his own, instead of facing this interrogation.
“Yes, of course he was good. No one with eyeliner like that is going to be bad,” Jaehyun huffs. “And I just. Left. I just left the party.”
“Ooooohhh Jaehyunnie got spoooked by boy kisses~!”
“Hyuckie, please shut up before I send you back to whichever daycare you escaped from,” Doyoung says helpfully. He turns back to Jaehyun, a sympathetic look on. “Look, Jae, you might as well go to him now and figure it out. The longer you wait the more it feels like a big deal…”
Doyoung is right, of course. Except that it is a big deal, a massive deal to Jaehyun, he’d just kissed the cutest boy he’d known at the age of 22 and he’s still reeling.
“I kissed my tutor . Who’s 3 years younger than me!”
“Oooooohhh–!” Donghyuck crows. “Jaehyunnie is a peeerrrvvv AH –”
Doyoung pinches Donghyuck, hard, and the boy keels over dramatically.
“Go talk to him. Also, I don’t know how to do your homework so…” Doyoung nudges his notebook back towards him gingerly and makes a shoo-ing motion. “Not much use in you sticking around with me and Hyuckie.”
No, Doyoung is right – it’s probably not even a big deal for Jaemin, probably just another Saturday night. He needs to go talk to him.
Jaehyun heaves a sigh and pulls his backpack off the chair. He’s about to push open the door when something in Doyoung’s words makes him turn back.
“Wait, you just called him Hyuckie.” He points. “Why did you–”
“No, I didn’t,” Doyoung says, despite Donghyuck giggling behind him. “Go.”
Did he really want to know? Jaehyun decides, nope. He pushes the door open and leaves without another word.
---
He doesn’t go to Jaemin.
He hovers around the entrance to the tutoring center for a minute, pacing back and forth. What would he even say? ‘Sorry we kissed and then I ran’?
He’s so in his own head that he nearly bumps into the next student who walks up, stuttering out a ‘my bad’, before holding the door open for them. He can do this, he just needs to—
Jaehyun catches a glimpse of the room; Jaemin is there, sitting at a table with a few other students, talking with those wild gestures. Probably three quarters of a cup of coffee, if Jaehyun had to guess. The oversized sweater over his frame is endearingly too big, rolled up clumsily at the wrists so he can write on the whiteboard without smudging ink… The door falls slowly, as if beckoning him to catch it before it closes, but he doesn’t, he can’t.
That was a week ago.
To be completely honest, Jaehyun had genuinely gotten caught up in studying too much to think about Jaemin again, but he promised, swore to himself, he would deal with all of this afterwards.
After the impending one and a half hours of hell he was about to go through with this damn physics exam. The seats in the lecture hall are uncomfortably smushed together, the tiny desk barely able to hold his calculator and paper and pencils, let alone the formula sheet in his lap. Students buzz around him– there’s nothing like pre-test jitters to truly unite a bunch of panicked students.
“Look who ghosted the guy he kissed so hard he had to study physics on his own…”
Jaehyun had been listening to the rushed last minute review session beside him, and he nearly jumps out of his skin when he hears a voice behind him. He whips around; Jaemin isn’t looking at him, instead, he’s straightening the stack of test packets in his arms. “Jaemin–!”
Of yeah. TAs proctor exams, how did he forget.
Jaemin arches an eyebrow. Instantly, Jaehyun’s cheeks burn, half in shame, half in a shocked response – Jaemin is wearing a smudge of the same neon pink eyeshadow he had on at the party, undoubtedly on purpose. His eyes finally flick up to meet Jaehyun’s; his mouth twists into a disappointed line.
Even through all the stupid mistakes and comments Jaehyun had made during tutoring, he’d never seen Jaemin actually frowning at him.
“Why are you avoiding me?”
“I– ” Jaehyun stammers, “I don’t know…”
The professor claps his hands loudly, and the lecture hall silences quickly. Jaehyun twists his body further back towards Jaemin, trying to whisper-shout around the person sitting behind him, only to find himself face-to-face with Jaemin. He’s squatting, the packet of tests held close to his chest to not show the questions.
“Do you not like me, hyung?” Jaemin pouts, eyes stretching wide like a puppy.
“No, I–”
It’s a lot of things – it’s the way Jaemin is out of his league, way smarter than him, and oozing in charisma, it’s the way he’s staring at Jaehyun adorably even as his finger taps restlessly at the edge of the seat. He’s just some guy struggling in class, and Jaemin is always there to help him patiently, like a pink-eyeshadow-wearing, skateboarding guardian angel against scary numbers.
Jaehyun takes a deep breath.
“I really do, Jaem. I’m just a fucking coward and an idiot.”
He reaches out a hand, and Jaemin takes it, to his relief. Jaemin smiles, a small thing, pleased and reassured.
“Yeah I know, I just wanted to hear you say it.”
The professor claps his hands again, wraps up his spiel. Jaemin squeezes Jaehyun’s hand one more time, before straightening and handing him a test packet.
“Good luck on your test, Jae. Let’s talk after.”
Relief floods Jaehyun; he lets the tension in his body relax a little bit.
“Okay,” he smiles back.
---
Jaehyun tugs on his necktie, fidgets with his old school blazer. It pinches at his shoulders – he’s sure if he stretches too hard, the poor thing will rip for sure. It’s a weird kind of time-traveling dissonance to be wearing his old school uniform again, the well worn polo starting to show lint puffs.
He’d secretly dug it out of the box in his closet on a trip home, tucking the pieces of clothing into his bag quickly, a little sheepishly, and brought them back to his dorm, where he promptly shoved them under his bed. But now, he’s put on the too small uniform again, holding a stack of random books and toting his backpack – in front of the professor’s door.
He raises his hand, knocks on the door – no backing out now–
“Come in!”
Deep breath.
The knob of the door gives soundlessly, and Jaehyun peeks in, nervousness already making his palms sticky.
“Professor?”
“Yes, come in,” Jaemin smiles kindly at him and steeples his fingers. “How can I help you today?”
Jaehyun shifts, tugging at the only piece of the outfit that isn’t his old stuff. Jaemin had brought it, stolen it from his sister’s old clothing; it doesn’t match the color of the rest, but it’s more than enough for today’s lesson.
Jaemin’s eyes follow his hand down to the plaid, pleated schoolgirl skirt. It barely comes down to mid-thigh.
“I-I think I’m having trouble with this railgun problem…It’s not hitting hard enough, sir…”
Jaehyun coughs, breaking character for a second – it’s Jaemin, the way mouth turns up in an effort not to giggle, the way the slightly oversized sweater vest sits on his frame… His desk is turned to vaguely remind one of an office, but it’s just Jaemin’s apartment bedroom, the blue patterned sheets on his bed right behind him.
It’s comical but also kind of sexy the effort Jaemin put into this little game. He doesn’t let up, pushing up his glasses – Jaehyun’s spare glasses – up on his nose bridge pointedly. It’s cute.
“Ah yes, I believe I can help you with that.”
Correction, it’s sexy. Jaemin is so sexy. He gets up, ruler in hand, and Jaehyun is ready.
---
“See, you did great on your test!” Jaemin flips through the test packet, turning it to read the professor’s handwriting on the sides. “I’m proud of you.”
“Yeah… I kind of did,” Jaehyun says with a touch of self-satisfaction. “Maybe I don’t need you anymore, Jaem.”
“Oh shut up. You would have gotten a whole letter grade lower without me.”
Jaehyun fake pouts, crossing his arms and staring at Jaemin with his most effective cute face, until Jaemin pinches his cheek and wraps him in a hug. He coos lovingly until Jaehyun giggles.
“Ugh… I don’t want to go,” Jaehyun groans once Jaem lets him go. He lets Jaem straighten his shirt out, smoothing out the collar; they have dinner reservations tonight.
“Well, neither do I, buddy. But from my many years experience, it’s far better to go and make Donghyuck pay for it than to avoid it. He gets way too annoying way too fast, better to nip it in the bud.”
“I just can’t believe Doyoung got roped into this as well.”
Jaemin leans back from the mirror, eyeliner pen poised, to give Jaehyun an incredulous look.
“Are you kidding? I hate to break it to you, but your friend is totally whipped for that brat. If he weren’t, we wouldn't be having this double date.” He pauses, drawing a perfect wing with ease. “Just like you’re whipped for me, hyung.”
Jaehyun doesn’t reply, he just feels the blush rising in his cheeks again as Jaemin catches his eye in the mirror.
“Tongue-tied again, shy boy?”
Jaehyun doesn’t look away this time.
“Just speechless you’re mine.”