Chapter Text
The save-the-date has been on Eddie’s fridge for about a month now, since it was sent out. Dustin and Suzie’s engagement pictures are one of the first things he sees in the morning, bleary and reaching in the fridge for milk to make cereal for himself and Zoe. A simple blue background, two of the absolute cutest pictures of them, and plain black font that reads, “The wedding of Dusty-bun and Suzie-poo, December 15th 1996. Formal invitation to follow.”
Eddie still can’t believe they actually put their ridiculous nicknames for each other on a formal communication but it was cute, and very them. The invitations would most likely make their way out in the mail soon, and Eddie was absolutely ecstatic. It was pretty well understood that Dustin was his favorite out of their rag-tag team of interdimensional monster slayers, not that they’ve had to do that in ten years thank god, and Eddie was just really fucking excited to see Dustin on the happiest day of his life. Plus, little Zoe was a shoe-in for flower girl.
He had just finished packing a sandwich into a brown paper bag for work later, when the phone rang.
“Munson’s, how can I be of assistance?” It was a smart-ass way to answer the phone, and Eddie loved it.
“You can put my favorite niece on the phone so I can ask her a very important question,” Dustin said, the love in his voice when he talked about Zoe warming Eddie’s heart.
“Fuckin’ knew it, I knew she was a shoe-in for flower girl.”
Dustin laughed, loud and tinny over the phone. “The only real candidate, honest to god. Suze and I didn’t even have to talk about it.”
Eddie broke out into a lip-splitting smile, like he usually did when his daughter was brought up.
“I am absolutely honored on her behalf, considering the small army of Suze’s siblings.” It was true, from what Dustin described, that her family was big enough to populate a small village all on their own. Dustin had also described it as a small cult, however, one that Suzie had escaped from with the help of her oldest sibling, whose name Eddie could never remember. Emily, maybe? Who knows.
“They’re all grown up now, and we’re pretty sure there’s only a handful that can actually make the trip, so.” Eddie knew what Dustin was actually saying. Suzie’s father still had a relatively tight hold on most of his children, only about five or six being able to slip away, including Suzie and… what’s-her-face.
“I’m sorry about that, man. Let me go grab little miss, one second.” He placed the phone on the end table and went down the short hallway in the apartment, stopping at Zoe’s door and softly knocking. He was trying to teach her about privacy, since she had a habit of bursting into Eddie’s room any time she saw fit.
“Come in,” she chirped, just like she and Eddie practiced. She was sitting on the floor in front of her new big girl bed, packing a few of her favorite stuffed animals (Penny the shark, Ollie the otter, and Maggie the dog) into her little backpack to take with her to Wayne’s for the day. She picked her own outfit, a teeny-tiny Metallica shirt and jeans, and put her own hair up into a ponytail. She was too damn smart for Eddie’s own good.
“Good morning, how did the fairest maiden in all the land sleep last night? Good dreams?”
She nods, smiling, and zips up her backpack, putting it on and hopping up off the floor. “Good dreams. I was swimmin’ in a pool of pudding.”
Eddie smiles fit to break his own face and scoops her up into a hug, lifting her off the ground and making her shriek with glee. He loves her so much it hurts. “Hmm, what kind of pudding? These are very important details, my friend.”
She nods seriously, like the flavor of pudding she was swimming in in her dream was the most important thing ever. “Chocolate,” she says, her eyebrows scrunched just a little.
“Fantastic choice, truly. I have a surprise for you. Guess who’s on the phone?”
Zoe tilts her head to the side, likely running through a list of everyone she knows.
“I’ll just tell you,” he says, and then leans down to whisper, “it’s Uncle Dusty.”
“UNCLE DUSTY!” She shrieks, and Eddie lets her down preemptively so he doesn’t take a foot to the ribs. She tears out of her room and down the hall to the living room, her little feet thumping on the floor. He doesn’t have the heart to remind her about indoor feet when she’s so excited. She grabs the receiver and Eddie sits down next to her so he can listen in.
“Hi, Uncle Dusty!” She’s smiling her big, bright, toothy smile, with a couple teeth missing that she lost a week ago.
“Zo-bear! How’s my favorite girl, huh?” Dustin and Zoe’s nicknames for each other will never fail to make Eddie smile.
“Good! I had a dream I was swimmin’ in chocolate pudding.”
“That’s my favorite kind, good choice. Listen sweet pea, Aunt Suze and I have a really important question for you, is that okay?”
She nods, just once, and says, “shoot.” Eddie hears Dustin snort over the line.
“God, you’re just like your dad. Okay, so. Aunt Suze and I were wondering if you wanted to do something super important for our wedding.”
Zoe cocks her head to the side like she does when she’s questioning something. “What is it?”
Dustin takes a deep breath, and it occurs to Eddie that he might actually be nervous. “Zoe, we were wondering if you would like to be the flower girl. It’s very important business. You get to make the aisle super pretty before Aunt Suze walks down it. You get to wear a pretty dress and everything.” He was trying to sell it, but there’s no need.
“Uncle Dusty, I will be there.” She says it with as much conviction as a four year old can muster.
“Zo-bear, I appreciate you. Aunt Suze will call you soon and you can go dress shopping, okay? You can bring your dad, if you want.” There’s no way in H, E, double hockey sticks Eddie was missing that.
“Okay! Love you infinity, Uncle Dusty.”
“Science cannot explain how much I love you too, Zoe. Have a good day sweet pea, and put your dad on the phone please.” She hands the phone back to Eddie with a smile and runs full-speed back to her room. “Your kid is an absolute delight.”
Eddie smiles and nods his head, making note of the time. They’ve got to leave in about twenty minutes to get to Wayne’s on time so Eddie can get to work. “She’s the best. Listen dude, I wish I could talk more but we’ve gotta get a move on. Can I call you later?”
Dustin hesitates. “Just one quick thing and then I’ll be out of your hair, promise. I just- I wanted to make sure you knew that like… he’s heavily involved in everything.”
Eddie doesn’t have to ask who Dustin’s talking about, he knows. Steve. He clears his throat and tries for a nonchalant tone, and it just barely works. “Yeah, man, I know. I can’t expect your other dad to be absent, now can I?” Even though Dustin’s a full blown adult with a better job than either of them, he and Steve still share co-parenting duties. Even if much more distantly now.
“I know you guys can be civil, but I want you to be happy you know? You’re both really important to me.”
Eddie’s chest does an odd little flip at Dustin’s complete and total honesty. He’s never been the best at handling it when people make it obvious they love him. “I know, bud. You’re hugely, ridiculously important to us, too.” His heart still sinks at the fact that there isn’t an us anymore, not really.
He takes a deep breath and continues. “This is gonna be one of the best days of your life, Henderson. I don’t want you spending it worrying that me and my ex can’t get along. We’re adults, and we know how to play nice with each other. Plus we’re gonna be way too busy being stupidly happy for you to bitch at each other.”
Eddie and Steve had done just fine at all of the Party’s various graduations and events after The Great Split of ‘89. They could do this too.
Dustin sighs with relief and Eddie wants to be anxious that Dustin was worried, but he pushes past it. “Thanks, Eddie. I love you.” Eddie tears up, just a little, and Dustin keeps talking. “But you do know this means Steve’s gonna know about Zoe?” Shit.
When Zoe was quite literally dropped on his doorstep back in ‘92, a twenty one year old Dustin Henderson was the second person he called. The first was Wayne, obviously. He called Dustin in hysterics a week after Zoe had just popped into his life with no warning, and he hadn’t wanted to bother Wayne again, so he didn’t even think before dialing Dustin’s number and blurting out “Henderson, I have a kid, Jesus Christ what am I gonna fucking do?”
He hadn’t asked Dustin to keep Zoe a secret from Steve in so many words, just told him to keep ‘the information’ on the down-low for now. The rest of the group knows and loves Zoe with all their hearts, and he couldn’t be more thankful. But he had gently asked them to not let Steve know. Four years passed, and as far as he knew Steve was none the wiser that Eddie was raising a whole-ass kid. Time’s up, apparently.
“Yeah. Yeah man, I know. I’m hoping it’ll be alright.” The thing is, he knows Steve’s going to be upset. Steve always hated secrets being kept from him, and this was the biggest secret Eddie’s ever kept in his life. Bigger than the Upside-Down, way bigger than liking men, women, and everyone in-between. Double shit.
“Me too. Listen, I know you have to go, so I’ll get out of your hair. Just… maybe try to tell him before the wedding? He’s coming down about two weeks in advance, just to be sure.” Of course mother hen extraordinaire Steve Harrington would be in town two weeks before the wedding. Eddie fights back a sarcastic snort.
“Okay, I’ll try to figure out what to say to him. I’ll talk to you later, dude, love you.”
“Love you too, Eddie.” And the phone hangs up.
-
They get to Wayne’s at eight thirty on the dot, plenty of time to get Zoe out of the convoluted contraption of her car seat and settled into the house.
After the Upside-Down debacle ripped the trailer directly in half, the government offered Wayne a rather sizable chunk of hush money, enough to retire and then some, and a little house closer to Hawkins proper. Eddie was kind of surprised he’d taken it, but Wayne just sighed and told Eddie to never look a gift horse in the mouth. Especially when the gift horse in question was the American government actually helping poor people for once. Eddie couldn’t exactly argue with that.
Wayne stood on the porch, leaning against the doorframe and offering Eddie a smile and wave when he got out of the car. Eddie has a theory that Wayne’s an actual earth angel sent to him by God herself, but he’s still workshopping it. He starts unbuckling all the straps on the car seat and goes through his morning talk with Zoe.
“Alright, babycakes, you know the drill. I’ll be back at five thirty, be good for gramps, eat your vegetables, all that good stuff.” She looks rather perturbed at her personal space being invaded by the car seat straps flying everywhere, so Eddie thinks fast to cheer her up. “I heard from a little bird that grandpa Wayne might be taking a certain someone to the park today, you know.” Predictably, Zoe’s sweet little face lights up.
She’s finally freed from the car seat, and Eddie grabs her backpack from the seat next to her and rifles through it, making sure she has everything she needs for the day. There’s a change of clothes, shapes and colors flashcards, a bingo game, and her stuffed animals. All set. He helps her down onto the driveway and she takes off, running up the porch steps and into Wayne’s waiting arms.
“There’s my girl! How’d you sleep? Your daddy make you breakfast?” Wayne’s face has broken into a sweet smile, the one Eddie knows is reserved for him and his daughter.
“We had pancakes, strawberries, and a glass of milk, thank you very much.” Eddie fumbles up the steps, setting Zoe’s backpack down to give Wayne a quick hug. “I may have mentioned the park plan, just so you know.” Wayne rolls his eyes fondly.
“All my surprises, right down the drain. How are ya, kid?”
Eddie’s not exactly sure how to answer, and it must show because Wayne ushers Zoe into the house to set her stuff down and sits Eddie down on the couch. He makes sure Zoe’s well into her own zone of Barbies before he takes a deep breath and tells Wayne what’s going on.
“Henderson’s getting married, right, and he asked Zo to be the flower girl, which I’m absolutely thrilled about, she was a shoe-in from the start. But uh… You Know Who is gonna be there, obviously, and I, um. I’m just nervous, you know? About him finding out.”
Wayne nods sagely, and claps a hand onto Eddie’s shoulder. “Honestly, son, I’m surprised no one’s blabbed yet. It’s certainly been a long time. He was gonna find out at some point.” Eddie nods.
“I know, I know. I promised Henderson I’d find a way to tell him before the wedding, so he’s not as blindsided. It sounds stupid but I don’t wanna share her with him.” Eddie really, really didn’t want to share Zoe with Steve. Not by any means. Zoe’s the best thing that ever happened to him, and Steve curb-stomped his heart. Well. They might’ve curb-stomped each other’s hearts.
“Ed, the only person you share that girl with is me, and sometimes the Henderson boy. Just cause he knows she exists doesn’t mean you’re sharing. That kid is yours down to the bone.”
It’s true, and Eddie knows it. Zoe’s a tiny carbon copy of him, a fact that makes the petty voice in the back of his head cackle maniacally with glee. The only features Zoe really shares with her mother is the shape of her jaw, and her stubby little toes. The rest of her is basically Eddie incarnate. She’s got his wild dark hair, his big brown eyes, his quick wit. Eddie doesn’t share her for shit.
“You’re right. I just need to get my shi-” Wayne glares at him. “Shitaake mushrooms together and be an adult.” He slaps his knees and gets off the couch in one motion, and goes to see Zoe off.
“Love you, stinker. Be good for gramps.” He smacks a kiss on her temple and squeezes her shoulders.
“Love you too, daddy. See you soon.” She doesn’t even look up from her Barbies and it makes Eddie snort. Wayne has the door open and Eddie gives him another hug and a thank you before getting into the van and making his way to work.
–
Being lead tech at the garage has its pros and cons. Eddie has his own toolbox, a bulletin board on the wall where he can hang to-do lists and pictures of Zoe and Wayne, and once his list is finished he can get the absolute fuck out of there. He does have to do the schedule and like, manage people or whatever but that’s fine. He can deal with the cons as long as he’s got enough to make rent and feed both of them, and all the other adult shit he has to do now.
Sometimes being thirty really sucks ass.
Four o’clock rolls around eventually, after what feels like the twenty thousandth oil change he’s done today, and when he peeks at his to-do list there’s only one thing left. He goes over the timetable in his head and realizes he’ll be out by four thirty, leaving plenty of time to hit the grocery store before picking Zoe up a little early. Grabbing the closest Sharpie he can find, he scribbles the list down on his forearm; Cinnamon Toast Crunch, eggs, tomato soup, strawberries. Easy-peasy.
What Eddie may have miscalculated is that everyone and their mother goes grocery shopping after work, apparently. The store is jam-packed, the aisles whirring with people and noise. The music is blaring, the lights are too goddamn bright, and all Eddie wanted was some fucking tomato soup to make his kid for dinner. He takes the best deep breath he can and grabs a basket.
Grocery shopping has never been one of his favorite tasks, but it had only gotten worse after the whole ‘town pariah is falsely accused of being a serial killer’thing. When he was still living with Wayne, they could barely do anything without either being glared at or doused in pity. The glaring had gotten worse, but Eddie was used to that. The pity, he couldn’t fucking stand. Every old lady in a ten-mile radius just had to come up to him and tell him how sorry they were, that no one deserves that, and shame on that Jason boy. Which, like, absolutely shame on Jason Carver for hunting Eddie alive but Jesus Christ, Mildred, do we have to talk about that in front of the hot dogs?
Time marched on, and Eddie was able to go in public in semi-peace by the time 1990 came around. Now, in ‘96, no one really gave him a second glance, which he can work with.
The produce section was a little easier to navigate, what with it being the largest section of the store, and he’s able to pick out a container of strawberries that look good, no bruises or fuzzies. The most convenient thing to hit next would be the soup and cereal, since the aisles are right next to each other. He slinks through the rest of the produce relatively easily, managing to only slightly bump into one lady on the way through. Thankfully the Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Eddie and Zoe’s favorite, is in the back of the cereal aisle so he can nick it from the shelf and plop it into the basket with ease. The soup aisle, however, is a different beast.
Mid-fall in the Midwest usually means two things- one being a sudden need for canned savory liquid, and two being cold and flu season. The aisle is chock-full of people in dingy sweaters looking pale and snotting all over themselves. Eddie grimaces and cracks his neck, peering into the aisle to try and map out the best route when- “Eddie?”
He’d know that voice half-deaf from twenty thousand miles away. He turns around slowly, and sure as shit. Steve Harrington.
He looks really fucking good, is the first thing Eddie notices, because of course he does. Of course half the people in this godforsaken establishment look like they’re on the brink of death and Steve fucking Harrington looks like an angel. He has on a forest green sweater, cable knit and just this side of too big on him. The dark-wash jeans he picked out hug his legs beautifully, and Eddie recognizes the brown hi-top Chucks he’s wearing as Robin’s. In an absolute shock to Eddie, he has on a pair of gold wire-frame glasses and the hearing aid his doctor prescribed him ages ago.
Eddie offers a crooked smile and a pathetic little wave when he says, “hi, Steve.”
“Hi yourself. How are you?” Steve’s smiling, and it only breaks Eddie’s heart a little bit.
Eddie doesn’t really know how to answer, so he plays it safe. “Good, been real busy at work, which is why I’m covered in grease, I’m sorry.” Steve shakes his head, slightly mussing his stupid, dumb, beautiful hair. Eddie doesn’t let him tell him not to apologize, and continues.
“Moon’s almost full, so people’s cars have been breaking down left and right. How’s Minnesota?” He tries not to sound bitter, he really does. It seems like it worked when Steve smiles and nods his head, shoving his left hand in his back pocket.
“Good, yeah, it’s good. I’ve got a great batch of kids this year.”
In 1989 Steve had gotten an internship with a social work company after finishing community college, offering private counseling to ‘troubled youths’ through a state aid program. He moved to Minneapolis and, from what Eddie’s heard through Dustin, has since gotten his masters in counseling work and secured a permanent position at the company. The whole Party took a huge road trip to Minnesota when Steve graduated in ‘93. Eddie didn’t go. Couldn’t really, what with having a slightly secret one year old. At least that’s what he told himself.
He realizes there’s a long pause, and remembers his promise to Dustin over the phone this morning. He needs to tell Steve about said slightly secret child and he could do it now, in the soup aisle of Hawkins Family Market, but he can’t bring himself to say it.
“I talked to Dustin this morning, he said you wouldn’t be down until two weeks before the whole shindig.” Yeah nice fucking going, Eddie, make it seem like he can’t cross state lines without permission. Sweet Jesus.
“Uh, yeah, I will be. I’m just here to get the rest of my dad’s stuff taken care of. Also, my bi-monthly required physical visit with Robin is here, not in Minneapolis this time, so. Two birds, one stone and all that.”
Eddie nodded, biting the inside of his bottom lip. Steve’s father had passed away last year of a stroke, his mother immediately tucking tail and moving to Florida somewhere. Steve was left to deal with all the funeral shit by himself, as well as trying to carry out his father’s will and testament. As far as Eddie knew, his things were just being sold and the house was technically in Steve’s name but it was being sold as well. Eddie had gone to both visitations and the service itself, despite hating Steve’s father with every bone in his body. He was just there for Steve, as much as he could be. Losing a parent was horrifying, even if they were shitty. Eddie knew plenty about that.
“Yeah, of course. I haven’t seen ole buckwheat in awhile, how’s she doing?” Lie. She came over just last week to have a tea party with Zoe and Eddie, going into hysterics laughing when Zoe managed to get him into glittery blue eyeshadow that didn’t come off for two days.
“She’s great, yeah. Her painting stuff is really taking off, I helped her with a craft show thing last time I was here, and she told me she’s getting a gallery showing together, which is fantastic and-Oh! I forgot to tell you,” he only pauses to take a short breath. “The whole Party, minus Dustin, obviously, is coming over to Robin’s place tonight to plan the bachelor party, if you wanted to join us. There’ll be snacks, I promise.”
Eddie tries to be offended that Steve thinks he can still be won over simply with free food, he really does, but all he gets is a little heart-warming tickle in his cheeks. Asshole. It doesn’t matter anyways, Eddie doesn’t have a sitter lined up and he didn’t want to leave her with Wayne all day. As much as Wayne is the best grandpa in the entire universe, everyone needs a break at some point.
“I, uh- I can’t. Tonight. But I could if I had a couple days' notice, maybe?” He notices the apologetic look on Steve’s face before it even comes to fruition. “It’s not a big deal, Steve, it’s totally fine. I just can’t tonight.”
Steve nods, placated for now, and says, “I’ll have Robs call you when we decide on a date for the next time, then.” When Eddie doesn’t do anything but rock back and forth on his feet and nod, Steve continues, “I won’t keep you, I know you have things to do and soup to buy.” Right, this whole interaction was happening in front of the soup aisle. Eddie had almost forgotten.
“Ah, yes, my beloved Campbell’s Tomato,” he chuckles. Steve does too, and it makes Eddie’s traitorous heart flip in his chest. “It was, um. It was really nice to see you, Steve.”
Steve smiles, says, “nice to see you, too, Eddie. Don’t, uh… don’t be a stranger, okay?”
Eddie nods and gives him another little wave before Steve turns toward the bread aisle, leaving Eddie a blushing mess, knocked stupid by the prospect of Steve actually wanting him around. Some things never do change.
He grabs his tomato soup and walks toward the checkout, shaking his head at himself. Paula was gonna have a fucking field day with this.
–
Dr. Paula Walker, Eddie’s government-assigned therapist since the summer of ‘86, was a no-nonsense woman. All she had to do was give him a pointed look and he just huffed and spilled his guts. Eddie adores her. Not a lot of people can talk to him about his myriad of issues without getting emotional or telling him how sorry they are. Paula just took it in stride, listening when he rambled and offering bits of sage wisdom when appropriate.
He sits in the waiting room, looking out the window into the parking lot of the non-descript strip mall the office is in. There’s a hair salon next door, and a furniture store across the way. No one would ever guess that people affected by an alternate dimension were in here talking about eldritch horrors and fantasy monsters that were actually real. Today, though, Eddie was just going to talk about Steve Harrington. In his mind, both things necessitated the same severity.
Paula’s office door opens and she waves him in with a neutral expression. Her office always smells nice, like roses, and he plops onto the couch on the wall across from her desk. Her gray dreads are twisted into a nice bun on top of her head, and she’s wearing plum-colored lipstick.
“Hi, Eddie, how’s it been going lately?” She peeks at her notes from last time, likely trying to find anything they needed to circle back to. She looks back up at him and narrows her eyes just the slightest bit. She doesn’t push, though, just waits. He takes a breath and goes right into it.
“I saw Steve last week.”
Paula nods, like that explains all of Eddie’s outward anxiousness. “Hmm. Where at?”
“Ran into him at the grocery store. All I wanted was a can of tomato fucking soup, and I turn around and there he is.” That’s another thing Eddie loves, he doesn’t have to watch his language in here. Having a parroting four year old means there’s no room for his potty mouth at home.
She doesn’t press him for more information just yet, so he continues. “I stopped in to grab some stuff after work last Tuesday, and I was already on the verge of a whole-ass breakdown because it was packed and too damn loud and then he called my name outside the soup aisle and my knees damn near buckled. He looks so good, it’s unfair, Paula, I almost died.”
She chuckles at that. “Might I remind you, you already have almost died, and it was demobats that did it, not Steve Harrington.”
“Well yeah, obviously, but he’s pretty, and he was wearing the best sweater, and glasses. Glasses! And he was actually wearing his hearing aids! I could never get him to wear his hearing aids.”
Paula raises an eyebrow. “Is it the hearing aids that’s bothering you?” A rhetorical question.
“No. I mean kinda, like why could I never get him to wear them, and why is he wearing them now? But no, that’s not the real problem. The real problem is he has no clue I have a four year old. And I still love him, maybe. Just a little.”
Paula doesn’t look shocked in the slightest, whereas anyone else would’ve balked. They’ve been broken up twice as long as they were together, plus a year.
“You’ve told me before that you think a part of you will always love him, or be tied to him in some way, and when you feel that way, you put yourself back into the heartache. Do you still find yourself doing that?” Eddie nods.
Eddie had just come home from a long-ass day at the garage, slumping against the apartment door as soon as he had it closed. Steve was sitting on the little loveseat in the living room, practically vibrating out of his skin. There was a yellow folder with papers in it, and Eddie really couldn’t take it if there was yet another issue with their shitty landlord.
“Hey, baby. What’s going on? You look like you took an Adderall.” He goes over and sits down next to Steve on the loveseat, grease and all. Steve only wrinkles his nose a little at the dirt on the sofa.
“I have something I wanna talk to you about, it’s really important and I’m so fucking excited I can barely stand it.”
That made Eddie crack a smile. “Well out with it then, babe.”
Steve opens the yellow folder and the first paper in it is an internship application with a big red ‘accepted’ stamp on it. “Remember that internship I was telling you about, with the social work place?” Eddie nods. “I got it. I fucking got it!” Eddie immediately teared up, snatching Steve up into a bone-crushing hug. He’d worked so fucking hard at school, making sure his grades were squeaky clean, impeccable, so he could get a job straight away.
“I’m so proud of you, Jesus Christ.”
“Nope, just Steve.” He beams, cheeks red, and Eddie pinches one of them, laughing. Steve kisses his fingers when he tries to pull away. “There’s a little bit of a catch, but you have to promise me not to worry. I honestly took care of it already.” Eddie squints at him, ever the worrywart.
“It’s, uh. There’s not a super easy way to say it, so I’ll spit it out. The job I accepted is in Minneapolis.”
Eddie balks. “Like… like Minneapolis, Minnesota? Like, hotdish, hockey, freezing-ass cold Minnesota? Where we have no place to live or friends?” The happiness he just got hold of drops out his ass faster than he can process it.
“All of the above, except we do have a place to live.” Steve pulls out the next few pieces of paper, and a stack of photos fall out with them. “I did a little bit of research, and I found an old friend of my dad’s who owns a building out there. We’ve got a move-in ready one bedroom all set. All we have to do is show up with our shit.”
Eddie was reeling, just a little bit. First Steve had his dream internship, and now they’re packing up and moving hours and hours away from their friends and family. Away from the safety net they’d only just built themselves. Well. That Eddie had only just built himself. Steve had far more claim over the Party than he ever would. All he really had, besides Steve and the people that were his, was Wayne.
The feeling in Eddie’s scalp was starting to fade, and his heartbeat was picking up far too rapidly. All he could see was himself in a shitty apartment in Minnesota, alone while Steve went off to save the world one broken kid at a time. He was panicking, he knew it, and by the look on Steve’s face he knew it too.
“Eddie? Hey, honey, come back to me, okay? We’re gonna be just fine, I promise.” Steve slides his hand into Eddie’s hair and scratches the nape of his neck to bring him back to earth. Eddie wishes with everything in him that he could believe Steve’s promises of being okay.
“I ca-can’t, Steve, I can’t-'' he wipes a tear away with a vicious swipe to the face. “When do we have to go?”
Steve grimaces. “Two weeks.”
Two weeks. Fourteen days and Eddie was expected to upend his entire life, twenty three years of it, and fuck off to Minnesota. A big breath wheezed out of his lungs, and he drew his knees up to his chest. Steve is quiet, just watches him. His hand has moved from Eddie’s hair into his own lap.
“I don’t know if I can do this, Steve.” It’s definitely not the first time he’s said it, but it feels like the most honest time he has. He saw Steve’s brain moving, trying to figure out ways to sell it.
“It’ll definitely be an adjustment… but we’ll have each other. There’s a landline in the apartment, I double checked. We can call whoever we want, whenever we want. And the internship is paid, so if on the off chance you can’t find something right away, we should be okay.” He’d clearly spent some time thinking about this, working through every point of anxiety either of them could have. Eddie still had it.
The bottom line is, he wasn’t enough for Steve, and he may never be. He felt it all the time. When he came home dirty, and Steve’s nose crinkled when he saw the grease in the sink as Eddie washed his hands. When Steve asked time and time again if he could top him, just once, but Eddie wasn’t comfortable enough with himself to be that vulnerable. When Steve told his fancy new college buddies his ‘friend’ is a mechanic and they laughed. When it came right down to it, the Romeo and Juliet trailer trash and rich kid just didn’t work. Cupid is a cruel son of a bitch.
“I can’t freeload off of you, Steve. I won’t.” Eddie’s face set into a hard shell of himself. If he had to say no he could at least look like he’s angry, not the saddest he’d possibly ever been.
“It’s called supporting each other, Eddie. I don’t expect you to uproot everything and immediately have your shit together, that would be ridiculous.” Steve sounded miffed, like he had thought Eddie would just roll over. When has he ever?
“Really? Because that’s what you’re doing. You’re uprooting your entire life, your friend group, your job, your apartment, your boyfriend, and you have a plan for all of it. Steve, there’s a step by step list in that folder.”
“Do you know how long I’ve spent on this? How long the application process took? I’ve been planning this for months, Eddie. I did half this shit when we were sitting together!”
Eddie put his head in his knees and sighed. “Then maybe you should’ve clued me in, Steve. Maybe you should’ve, I don’t know, leaned over and said, ‘hey, boyfriend of three years, how does this sound?’ But instead, you planned my life for me.” He couldn’t look at Steve’s face, he knew the heartbreak he’d find there.
“I thought you would want a fresh start. You’re fucking miserable, Eds. Your name got cleared, but people still treat you like shit, and I honestly thought you’d wanna get the hell away from that. And… do it with me.”
Eddie couldn’t really deny that. He’d been incredibly lucky to get the job he had, every other place in town practically locked their door at the sight of him. It was grueling hours, horrible on his back and joints, and he had barely any time to spend with Steve or his friends. He just…
“I just wanted a little more say in what I do, babe, that’s all. A fresh start might be nice, but it’s scaring the shit out of me. Especially because I had no hand in it.” He chances a peek at Steve, and instead of hurt, he finds anger.
“I took care of everything. I called the landlord at the complex, I asked him for pictures, I spent hours on applications. All I’m asking you to do is find a job, and live with me. Which you’re already doing.”
“What you’re asking me to do is upend my entire life in two weeks, and now that I’m putting up a fuss about it, you’re mad. Admit it, Steve. You’re just angry that I’m not rolling over.”
“Oh, fuck you. You’re twenty fucking three, I’m pretty sure I don’t need an adult man to ‘roll over’, you asshole.”
“You sure? Because you’re trying to herd me around like one of the kids, and I’m not. Like you said, I’m twenty fucking three and I’m not gonna just blindly move four states away just because you tell me to.”
“I’m not telling, I’m asking-”
“And I’m saying no! I can’t leave Wayne, I just managed to get a job, and I can’t make friends like you do. I’ll be hours away, with nothing.”
Steve looked at Eddie and got up from the couch, standing across the room with his arms folded over his chest. Defensive. “Nothing, huh?” The crack in his voice gives him away.
“That’s not what I meant, Steve, you know that.”
“Do I? Of all those things you just listed that you can’t leave, I wasn’t there.”
Eddie went pale. “I don’t want to leave you, Steve. God, no, I- I’d never want to leave you. We can do long distance? I have a landline, so do you, and-”
Steve shakes his head. “No one survives long distance. If you’re gonna dump me, can we get it fucking over with?”
Three years, two months, and eleven days, and Steve Harrington wanted to get it over with.
“No. If you want to get it over with so badly, you do it. You look me in the face and tell me you want to leave. Break my heart like you fucking mean it.”
He did. “I’ll pack what I can, and send Robin for the rest.”
Robin had come the next day, shoving Steve’s shit into tote bags and promising Eddie up and down that she was still their mutual friend.
“You’re doing it right now, aren’t you?” Paula’s voice snaps him in the head like a rubber band, and he notices the tears pouring down his cheeks.
“Yeah. Yeah, I am.” He wipes fiercely at his cheeks, foregoing the tissue box next to him. “I feel like I have to remember how bad he hurt me so I don’t do something stupid, like fawn over him in the goddamn soup aisle.” The soup aisle was gonna haunt him for the rest of his days.
“Having feelings for someone isn’t stupid, especially with the history you two have. I’d be surprised if you felt nothing when you saw him.”
Eddie laughs out of his nose. “Oh it definitely wasn’t nothin’, doc. My whole stomach was like, on fire or something. He smiled at me, and my heart did a fucking kickflip. It’s just… it took so long for us to be okay with each other after everything happened. And now he’s standing in front of me in the grocery store telling me not to be a stranger.”
Paula blinks, considering. “Emotional whiplash?”
“To the third fuckin’ degree. The real kicker is, I promised Dustin I’d figure out a way to tell Steve about Zoe, and I haven’t. I almost did it in the middle of the grocery store, but I think he deserves better than that. Especially after I’ve been lying to him by omission for four years.”
Eddie’s guilt complex is about as big as Texas, and he knows it. He just wasn’t enough. He couldn’t save the Party from getting hurt when the end of the world was raining down on them. He couldn’t get out of Hawkins fucking Indiana, he couldn’t get a decent enough job to get Zoe new toys instead of shit from garage sales. He couldn’t be what Steve needed, even now when all he needed from Eddie was the truth, even if he didn’t know that.
“Have you thought about how you would like to tell him?”
Eddie tries not to feel like Paula’s disappointed in him, even though he knows she's not. “No, I really haven’t. I just know I have to tell him before the wedding, and it’s obviously gonna have to be a long talk.”
“For your sake, it might have to be a medium talk.”
Eddie cocks his head to the side. “Medium talk?”
“Right, medium. Try to stick to one topic. You don’t have to unpack all of the grieving and hurting you’ve done for the last seven years. Just tell Zoe’s story, apologize to him if you deem it appropriate, and see how you can move forward from there.”
“Why do you always have to make everything sound so easy?” Eddie tosses his head back and presses the heels of his hands into his eyes.
“No one said it would be easy, I just offered you an outline of sorts. It’s yours to fill in or take away from as you please.”
“It definitely won’t be easy, he hates secrets being kept from him, and I kind of forced the entire Party to keep the biggest secret ever.”
“You didn’t force anyone to do anything. You asked your friends to keep a secret for you, which is very common, and they agreed. If they wanted to go behind your back and tell Steve, they would have.” It’s a nice reminder that he does have people in his corner.
Eddie takes a deep breath. “Right. He said he didn’t want me to be a stranger, so maybe he wants to be actual friends again? And real adult friendships require honesty, or they explode.” He makes a blow-up gesture with his hands, complete with sound effects.
Paula chuckles through her nose at the emphaticness of the word ‘explode’. “That would be correct.”
Eddie sets his shoulders, cracks his neck. “Okay, here’s the plan for now. I’ll write out an actual outline of everything I wanna say to him regarding Zoe, catch him alone at one of these bachelor party planning sessions they’re all having without me, and ask him if there would be a good time to talk about something kinda big. Good?”
“Sounds like we have a plan, Eddie. Will you have your written outline next week?”
He nods.
“Great. I’ll see you then, okay?”
“See ya later, Paula.”
She gives him a smile as she opens the office door and wishes him a good week, and he actually feels good walking out into the parking lot. He’s an adult, he can communicate even when it’s hard. He can do this.
As it turns out, no the fuck he cannot.