Chapter Text
PROMPT: “We need to practice” pairing: danbert but middle aged like from The Couple Down The Street. Idk why I love those old men so much 😩😩😩😮💨
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"Okay, let's try this again," Dan said, reaching for the forceps. "This is my wife, Sarah. She works at the video rental store."
"How delightful," Herbert replied with forced cheer. "And not mind-numblingly inane."
Dan sighed and looked flatly at his husband over the open corpse between them. Herbert took no notice, keeping his eyes on the entrails he was currently digging shrapnel out of. They had been working on the body for several hours, trying to repair any internal damage before they attempted reanimation.
"See, this is why we need to practice," Dan said. "You can't bite someone's head off over small talk."
Herbert's mouth screwed up at the corner as he plucked a tiny shard from the long intestine. "I don't see any reason why I need to know that this person has a wife, that her name is Sandra-"
"Sarah."
"-or that she works at a video rental store." He perked up suddenly and pointed his bloody forceps at Dan. "Oo! Maybe she can get us season two of Battlestar Glactica."
Dan rolled his eyes but felt a smile tug at his lips. "Sarah's not real, you know."
"I know. I'm just entertaining you."
"You're not as entertaining as you think you are."
"You wound me, Dan."
Dan let out at short laugh, accepting the clamp Herbert handed him. "Look, let's just try and get through this get-together without wounding any of our new neighbours."
"I've never purposely wounded anyone," Herbert sniffed. When Dan simply looked at him he amended, "Anyone who didn't deserve it."
"Okay, Honey," Dan chuckled, and using the clamp, spread open the gaping cavity of the corpse's stomach.