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“Maybe it was a bad idea.” Maeve reflects for the first time since leaving that liquor store with enough alcohol in hand to supply an entire party; but her regret doesn’t do much good, after all, she’s already knocked on your door and she can hear movement through it that indicates you’re on your way to open it and once you do, you can’t stop a mixture of surprise and confusion invading your facial expression; she is standing in front of you after so long, wearing loose and somewhat disheveled clothes, her hair looks a bit messy and although you can’t see her at all, you notice her tired face and her puffy eyes that hint she might have been crying for a long time before coming here.
“Hey, Y/N.” she greets you in a small voice, for some reason unable to look directly at you.
“Maeve?!” you asked more surprised than angry, even though you had reason enough to be, the last time you saw her she treated you so coldly that depression caught you for a long time.
You can see her carefully thinking about her answer before speaking again.
“Can- Can I come in?”
You hesitate for a few seconds, looking her up and down, trying to gauge her intentions somehow, but it’s hard to know what she’s up to; having come to you so unexpectedly after so long, and even though a part of you wants to slam the door right in her face, there is also something in you that ultimately notices how restless Maeve seems and you can’t ignore the feeling of worry that comes over you; so just by nodding and without saying anything you let her in.
Maeve walks in so carefully and with so much hesitation, she manages to remind you of a shy baby deer exploring an unfamiliar area.
“Tea?” you offer as you walk into the kitchen on your way to turn off the pot you left on before her arrival and she gently accepts the offer.
The silence is awkward and Maeve’s gaze travels over the details of your home as she waits for you to return from your trip to the kitchen, until she finally settles on one of the framed photos on the main shelf: in it you are smiling radiantly while holding your doctorate degree in your hands; Maeve smiles back with genuine happiness and pride, in her mind she remembers the many times in the past when you told her your life plan and the enthusiasm and determination in your eyes when you swore to heaven and earth that you would become one of the greatest exponents in your field.
Your steps announcing your return capture her attention and she congratulates you with a smile still present.
“Hey, you got it! When was the ceremony?
“A month ago, right on my mom’s birthday.” You hand her the cup of tea while taking a sip from your own as you respond calmly.
“Y/MN birthday? Man, bet she didn’t stop bragging about it to her friends, she’s right in doing so though, you’ve always been the smartest one in the room” she chuckles fondly to herself and although you enjoy this moment, you also feel some anger seeing Maeve act so nonchalantly as if time had frozen in a past where both were happy, maybe that’s why you aggressively bring her back to reality.
“Why are you here?” the spark of anger inside you dripping in your tone.
Her smile fades into her previous timid and unsure demeanor and once again avoids your gaze.
“I was in the area and I thought…you know, If um, you wanna maybe…get some food? or we could-”
“Are you serious?” you cut her off and she stops immediately, not entirely sure what you want her to say.
“Margaret, you know how long it’s been? It’s been 5 years since I last saw you! and now what? all of a sudden you show up at my door, looking like shit, acting like nothing has happened and you wanna go grab dinner?! bullshit!”
The anger in your words seems to hit her really hard with the truth of the situation, as she struggles to find her voice over the knot now forming in her throat, she declares quietly and sadly:
“This was a bad idea, I’m sorry.”
She turns her back on you, ready to leave just like the last time you saw her, and this only angers you even more.
“You haven’t changed at all, always leaving without an explanation, brave Maeve my ass, you’re a coward that’s what you are!” As soon as the words leave your mouth a part of you regrets it, but also your chest somehow now feels lighter, as if all you had said had liberated all the anger, sadness, resentments and insecurities Margaret had left you with 5 years ago.
Your breakup was one of the hardest things you had to deal with in your life, it happened at a point in time where what you needed most was the support of your dear girlfriend; your world was genuinely crashing down on you and yet Margaret left you, one day she just came to pack up her things and end the relationship without even giving you a reason why; You still remember how you chased her around the house, begging her not to leave, but she just locked the front door with her super strength preventing you from following her to the Vought limo she left in. Next thing you know, you’re seeing your beloved girlfriend on VNN alongside Homelander confirming their relationship.
It was just so painful; it seemed like all this time, all the things you two had shared meant nothing, like you meant nothing. What a horrid realization, you almost let it crush you, almost, but you were strong and people in your family depended on you to keep living, so giving up was out of the question; In the end you “suck it up” and bury yourself in your work and studies like there’s no world outside of it. More than once you tried to get back in the dating world, but even though you would never admit to it outloud, the memory of your beloved Maggie ever present in your heart just wouldn’t let you. After everything you still loved her.
She stands there, frozen and silent like a ghost, room so quiet you start to become aware of your own ragged breathing, but then you hear it; faint yet desperate the sobs of Margaret break into your ears.
“You’re right.” she admitted, back still turned on you and her head slightly lowered.
“I am nothing but a coward.” she whines softly as she unsuccessfully tries to quiet down her sobbing but it starts to break in a choked and painful crying.
Through your rage, Margaret’s sadness and pain reaches you; you can’t see her face but you know by the sound of her cries it must bare a pitiful expression and so you breathe slowly in order to calm yourself down, and it’s only there that you notice her shaking form, you almost become scared for a split second, it feels like if she were to take a step forward she would fall to her knees instantly.
It’s been a long time since you last saw her like this, but you just know she’s going through it, she’s going through a panic attack.
“Hey, hey Margaret.” you call out softly to her as you slowly make your way over in an equally detained and dubious manner as she did once she entered the apartment.
“It’s ok, it’s ok.” you chant repeatedly as you finally stand in front of her and try your best to not cry as well. Once you see the unbearable pain in her expression, her breathing is ragged and agitated and through her gaze you see that her mind is not entirely here and seems to struggle in recognizing her surroundings.
“Maggie, it’s ok, you’re in my home, ok?” you assure her a few times but she still struggles now even in finding her footing as her legs start to give in.
“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” Her frenetic apology concerns you but manage to keep your calm as you reassure her once again and remind her to breathe constantly.
She finally seems to recognize her surroundings but once she does she breaks in painful crying once again.
“I left them there, I left them there and said nothing, I left them there to die.” she confesses but before you have any time to ask her what she’s referring to, her knees give in and collapses.
You manage to hold her before she hits the floor, as you briefly think of the irony, one of the strongest individuals in the world feels so fragile between your arms; She apologizes endlessly once again in between choked sobs and frenetic cries, but you hug her and caress her hair and back in repetitive motions in an attempt to calm her down, it seems to work and after a few minutes you can feel the panic in her system begin to dwindle as her breaths stabilizes slowly but she continues sobbing.
Maggie’s head is trying to find the correct words to tell you, to let you know; She didn’t want to abandon you, she never did; after all these years you still are her world and the only thought in her mind that keeps her going at times like this. She only left because she was pressured into a relationship with america’s golden hero and after seeing him kill so ruthlessly without a care in the world and Vought covering for him, she knew if she didn’t left, the moment homelander found out about you, that would be your death sentence and she wasn’t about to let anything happen to you…even if that meant she would never see you again.
Maggie only speaks once again after a while.
“I’m sorry.” Unlike the last apologies this one feels like is directed towards you instead of whatever or whoever occupied her memories at the time.
You take a minute trying to figure out what to do next, you want to question her on the meaning of her previous statements, but recognize that right now is not the right time, so you resume caressing her back as she continues to cry ever so softly on your shoulder.
For the first time in years, Margaret allows herself to be vulnerable, for the first time in years she doesn’t feel all alone and right now at this very moment, right here in your arms, for the first time in years she’s not Queen Maeve, just Maggie, the one who loves you endlessly.