Chapter Text
When I say yellow, I mean hope. I mean light. As in, keep moving. Open your arms. Stitch a net with me, my loves. Together, we’ll catch the sun. I bet it tastes so sweet.
— Noor Hindi, What is Endless, What is Gold
“You’ll learn to love each other,” Jaehyuk’s hands balling up into fists under the table as he watches his father shoot the omega, no, his omega, a quick but hard look. “And if you do not, well, then I suppose you will learn that it doesn’t matter anyway.”
The omega flinches at those words, head bowed as he stares down at the floor, his hair falling in front of his face and hiding it from view.
He looks small, fragile even, and although Jaehyuk has already decided that he won’t be learning to love him, he can’t deny that there’s a part of him that wants to protect him. To shield him from harm, to care for him like an alpha should do—
“So long as you produce an heir, we’ll have what we need,” his father continues, and Jaehyuk feels anger rise within him at the way that he talks about omegas, treating them like commodities. Like breeding them is some sort of game, like they’re something disposable, something for amusement and pleasure only. “Understand?”
There’s a pause before, almost imperceptibly, the omega nods ever so slightly.
Jaehyuk turns to glare across the table where his mother sits quietly, her expression one of complete calm, almost unreadable.
“Good,” his father states simply before turning away from the scene, dismissing it as if it never happened.
Jaehyuk pretends it doesn’t sting when the omega flinches away from him, like Jaehyuk is something dangerous, like he’s something to fear.
Asahi knows that it isn’t fair, that it isn’t right – that this is just plain wrong.
It shouldn’t happen this way, ‘love’ should mean trust, not violence.
Sure, he may be nothing more than a ‘dumb’ omega, but he’s definitely smart enough to know that he shouldn't be treated like this by someone who he’s expected to spend the rest of his life with.
It hurts, really, it does, and yet, despite all of this, he finds that he hates himself just a little bit more than he hates the man who took his freedom away.
But most of all, Asahi hates himself for wanting it to work out between them, for hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe, his alpha could feel something more for him than just hatred.
Hell, he even tries to tell himself that everything happens for a reason, that his parents didn’t force him into this situation, that this was for the best, as nobody would ever willingly mate with an omega like him. That they were doing him a favor by giving him away like this, that he would be forever alone if it weren’t for them—
“Asahi-hyung!”
He snaps out of his reverie as Jeongwoo – one of the pack’s unpresented pups – comes bounding over to him, cheeks dusted with pink from the cold, dark hair ruffled from the wind.
The omega tries to smile, but fails, his heart twisting painfully when Jeongwoo takes off the scarf he’s wearing so he can wrap it around Asahi’s neck instead, before wrapping his arms around the older, burying his face into his shoulder.
For several moments, neither speaks, both taking comfort in each other’s presence while listening to the muffled sounds of music and laughter coming from inside the pack’s compound, the scent of cooking food mixing with the faint aroma of fresh snow.
Eventually, though, Jeongwoo pulls away, expression concerned, brows furrowed together. He looks at Asahi expectantly, waiting for the omega to say something, anything.
After taking a deep breath, Asahi manages a small smile, although the corners of his lips tremble, his hands shaking as he reaches for the porch railing, “Is something wrong?” He asks, voice coming out weak despite how much effort he put into sounding strong.
“No! Well, no, I mean, not really? It...it’s just,” the younger hesitates, chewing at the inside of his cheek before sighing softly and continuing, “you don’t seem very happy, hyung.” He says, worried eyes searching Asahi’s.
“I-” Asahi pauses, swallowing harshly as he averts his gaze, “sorry,” he mutters, “I guess you’re right, I, uh, I’m kind of sad,” he admits, fingernails digging into the wood as he stares out at the slowly darkening sky.
Jeongwoo seems surprised, his eyebrows knitting together even more as he stares back at Asahi with wide eyes, “Sad about what? Are you not enjoying being with us?”
Asahi snorts bitterly, a humorless laugh escaping him as he glances back over at Jeongwoo, “You do know that I’m here against my will, right? That I’m only marrying Jaehyuk-ssi because I have no other choice in the matter, right?”
The taller boy visibly flinches at Asahi’s words, looking down guiltily. “Y-yes, of course I know that,” he murmurs, “but I don’t see why that has to ruin your time here, hyung. We’re family now. You belong here,” Jeongwoo insists, raising his chin to meet Asahi’s eyes, expression earnest, unwavering.
The omega bites his lip, unable to find anything in Jeongwoo’s face but sincerity. He lets out an amused huff, smiling wryly as he shakes his head, “I appreciate the sentiment, Jeongwoo-yah, but you know just as well as I do that unless I can give Jaehyuk-ssi an heir, I won’t be staying,” he states bluntly.
“That’s not true!” Jeongwoo immediately counters, frowning deeply, “Jaehyuk-hyung would never let that happen! He’s your soon-to-be mate; he loves you!”
“He loves the future heir of this pack, Woo, not me-”
“Omega?” Jaehyuk’s voice cuts over Asahi’s, causing the two of them to turn towards the doorway where Jaehyuk stands with one hand resting against the jamb, a questioning look crossing over his features when both Jeongwoo and Asahi fall silent. “Everything okay here?”
“Yes, hyung, everything’s fine!” Jeongwoo replies, bowing politely, his eyes flicking to the side to look at Asahi, who quickly follows suit, bowing respectfully towards Jaehyuk as well. “We were just discussing something regarding the ceremony, is all.”
Jaehyuk doesn’t seem convinced, eyeing the pair distrustfully before shrugging it off with a slight roll of his shoulders, turning his attention to Asahi, the omega meeting the alpha’s stern gaze with equal severity as Jeongwoo watches anxiously between them, trying not to fidget too much in his place, hands clasped together behind his back.
“You ready to go then?” The alpha asks after a beat, jerking his head in the direction of the door.
Asahi nods stiffly, “Of course, Jaehyuk-ssi,” he responds, giving Jaehyuk a forced smile.
A faint crease appears between Jaehyuk’s eyebrows, but instead of commenting on it like Asahi expected, the alpha merely offers him his arm, to which Asahi obediently accepts, letting Jaehyuk lead the way out of the room and into the hallway beyond.
That night, lying next to Jaehyuk under the blanket of darkness that settles around their shared bedroom, Asahi feels more alone than ever.
“So, you excited for the wedding?” Jihoon asks, a sly grin tugging at his lips as they stand outside the main hall, the older alpha leaning against the wall beside the open double doors, half-eaten bungeoppang in hand.
“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” Jaehyuk grumbles, rolling his eyes in annoyance before taking a bite of his own sweet treat, chewing thoughtfully before replying with an exasperated, “Because it’s true?” He swallows loudly, licking at his fingers before continuing, “The only reason I even agreed to the marriage is because it’s beneficial to the pack, not because I actually love the omega or anything.”
Jihoon hums in understanding, nodding his head in agreement, “Yeah, that’s fair enough. I wouldn’t want to get married to someone who’s essentially a stranger either.” He glances over to where his mate is standing out in the courtyard, surrounded by the pack’s littlest pups, all clamoring for their beloved Hyunsukkie-hyung’s attention. The omega’s eyes crinkle into crescents when he catches Jihoon looking his way, and he winks cheekily at him, the action making Jihoon snort, though there’s no denying the heat rising to his cheeks, despite the cold weather.
Jaehyuk makes a disgusted noise from beside him, and Jihoon whips around in an instant, scowling at his best friend, “What?”
“Nothing!” Jaehyuk says quickly, waving his hands frantically in front of himself in mock surrender, “I just didn’t know that it was that easy for hyung to make you blush,” he teases, nudging Jihoon playfully.
“Shut up,” Jihoon huffs, lightly shoving at Jaehyuk’s shoulder, “just wait ‘til your own mate tries something like that on you; then you won’t be so cocky.”
Jaehyuk scoffs, rolling his eyes again, “Oh please, like I’d ever love my omega like that. We aren’t even friends, hyung, much less lovers-”
“He has a name, Jaehyuk,” Jihoon interrupts, his tone turning sharp, eyes narrowing dangerously. “It’s Asahi. Not ‘omega’ or whatever else you call him, but Asahi. So stop talking about him like he’s some disgusting animal or something. You sound like your father.”
Jaehyuk goes silent after that, lips pressed into a thin line and gaze cast down towards the ground, clearly hurt by Jihoon’s words, despite how much he pretends otherwise.
After a moment of tense silence, Jihoon sighs, running a hand through his hair before pinching the bridge of his nose between two fingers, “I know, I shouldn’t have said that,” he apologizes, “it’s just...you’re better than this, you know?” He looks up at Jaehyuk, eyes softening slightly, “So please don’t let yourself lose him before you’ve even had the chance to find him, okay?”
Jaehyuk doesn’t meet his gaze right away, instead choosing to stare off towards the other side of the courtyard, where the omega, no, Asahi, is smiling softly while watching the pups chase each other around, cheeks dimpled and eyes twinkling with adoration.
“...you know I can’t promise that.” He mutters, eyes still fixated on Asahi’s figure as he speaks.
“Mhm, I know,” Jihoon replies evenly, “but try, alright? For both yours and Asahi’s sake.” He gives Jaehyuk’s arm a reassuring squeeze before stepping away from the wall and heading inside, leaving the alpha standing all alone in the crisp winter air.
Stupid as it may sound, Jaehyuk would be lying if he said the sight of Asahi laughing, his smile so full and bright, didn’t make something warm unfurl in his chest.
Shame.
Pure, unadulterated shame was the first thing that Asahi felt upon presenting as an omega on the evening of his eighteenth birthday.
He knew that it had been a long time coming – what with considering how the pack elders had predicted all those moons ago – but he still hadn’t quite believed them when it came to their words until the very moment in which he stood in front of his reflection, eyes filled with tears and feeling so, so incredibly humiliated at the mere thought of what he would be subjected to in the future.
So he’s understandably terrified of his and Jaehyuk’s future pups ending up like him, of being seen as nothing more than an embarrassment to the people who were supposed to love them unconditionally, of being pitied for what might have been but ultimately would never be.
It was selfish, to think that way, yes – but at the same time, Asahi couldn’t help it.
He knew firsthand how cruel the world could be to you simply because of something you couldn’t control, how they’d take advantage of your weakness without even thinking twice about it. He knew, god, did he know.
And yet, it is him, the widely gossipped about, soon-to-be mate of the future head alpha, who Haruto – a newly presented omega – sends for Jeongwoo to fetch for him as soon as that first wave of heat hits him, the sickly-sweet scent of plum blossoms clinging to the younger’s tan skin, eyes alarmingly glassy from the effects of his body struggling against its instincts.
“He, uh, he wants your help, hyung, not mine...said that he, er, wanted to wait ‘til I, you know, am no longer a pup before he has me take care of him or something,” Jeongwoo says when he sees Asahi hesitating, hand hovering over the door to Haruto’s quarters. “Or, um, I guess I can go instead if you want? Haruto probably wouldn’t mind too much; I mean, there are some herbs that might be able to soothe his pain or, well, calm him down at least a little bit-”
A pained whimper sounds from within the room, and Jeongwoo freezes before his eyes flit towards Asahi helplessly, the slight spike in Jeongwoo’s own scent telling the omega all he needed to know and more, and suddenly everything clicks into place, Asahi’s grip on the knob tightening.
“...he’ll be okay...right?” Jeongwoo asks after a beat, biting his bottom lip, and Asahi gives him what he hopes is a reassuring smile, though it feels strained.
“He’ll be just fine, Woo,” he assures, taking Jeongwoo’s hand in his own, squeezing it gently. “Don’t worry, okay? I promise to take good care of your omega.”
His words make Jeongwoo flush, and Asahi is relieved to see the tension ease out of his shoulders, even if only slightly.
“Okay,” Jeongwoo breathes out before letting out a weak chuckle, and, despite the stressfulness of the situation, Asahi finds himself relaxing too, giving Jeongwoo’s hand one last squeeze before opening the heavy wooden door, stepping inside.
Haruto, curled up into the fetal position on his bed, immediately looks up as soon as Asahi appears in the doorway, mouth twisted into a grimace as he lets out another pained whine, and Asahi winces in sympathy, stepping further inside and taking a seat by the younger’s side, running his fingers through his sweaty locks soothingly.
“I, ngh, I don’t like this,” Haruto gasps out between shallow breaths, voice muffled by how he’s pressing his face into the mattress beneath him, arms wrapped around his middle. “It hurts, hyung, it hurts so bad, I need, I need-” he breaks off with another cry, and Asahi takes pity on him, leaning forwards until he presses a gentle kiss to his forehead, humming softly, waiting for Haruto to catch his breath.
“Just breathe, Ruto, I’m here,” Asahi murmurs, wiping away the sweat dripping from Haruto’s brow with a cool cloth that Jeongwoo had brought in earlier, ignoring the way Haruto snuffles at the coldness of it, Asahi smiling at the younger when Haruto finally turns his head to look at him, lips quivering.
“S-sorry for m-making you come all the way here for me, hyung,” Haruto whispers, reaching up to rub at his eyes with the heels of his palms before lowering his head again, but Asahi just shakes his head, setting the cloth aside and scooting closer, placing a tentative hand under Haruto’s chin so that he can lift his head.
“You didn’t make me, Haruto. I came because I wanted to, and that was my choice, okay?” He says, thumb brushing over Haruto’s cheekbone when he nods his understanding, hiccuping in the process. “Besides, it’d be pretty rude of me to deny your Jeongwoo-yah’s request now, wouldn’t it?” Asahi teases, and Haruto manages a small smile at the mention of Jeongwoo’s name.
“Yeah,” he agrees, closing his eyes as he settles back against the pillows, breathing evening out as that first wave of heat begins to subside, sweat cooling on his flushed skin as Asahi continues to stroke a careful hand through his hair. “He really cares, huh...”
The way he says it makes Asahi think of Jeongwoo’s words from earlier, of his obvious concern for Haruto’s wellbeing, of the undeniable love they have for each other, even if neither of them is quite ready to admit that just yet.
And as he watches the steady rise and fall of Haruto’s chest, dark eyelashes fanning against his cheeks as he drifts off into sleep, Asahi smiles.
“Yeah, he really does.”
Asahi wonders if someday maybe he and Jaehyuk will have a bond as strong as Jeongwoo and Haruto’s, if they too could someday feel the same kind of love and trust, or if they’ll always just be two strangers that can never find their way home.
“Omega, er, um, Asahi?” Jaehyuk calls out, peering into the dimly lit room where Asahi is snuggled up under several blankets in front of the dying embers of a roaring fire, staring at the flame with a faraway look in his eyes. “Are, uh, are you okay?” He asks awkwardly, sitting down beside him as the omega turns his head to look at him, blinking a few times and lips pulling up into a slight pout before he shakes it off.
“あるふぁ､” he mumbles before leaning forward and pressing his face into Jaehyuk’s neck, making the alpha stiffen up in surprise, though he makes no move to push him away. The alpha’s heart hammers against his ribcage as he wraps a hesitant arm around the omega, pulling him closer and burying his nose in Asahi’s hair as the younger’s hands find their way to his back, clinging onto him like a lifeline.
A moment passes.
Then another.
And another.
“...do I smell good or something?” Asahi says in a sleepy hum, lifting his head to peer at Jaehyuk through hooded eyes, a shy smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
Jaehyuk swallows.
“Y-yes,” his voice comes out much breathier than intended, cheeks flaming crimson as he averts his gaze from the omega, who raises an eyebrow as he continues to study him with those warm brown eyes, looking for something that Jaehyuk can’t quite place.
Silence stretches between them for what seems like hours until Asahi finally speaks again, his grip on the alpha loosening slightly, but now looking a bit more awake as he takes in all of Jaehyuk, whose face has only gotten redder by the minute.
“Alright, then,” he murmurs, shifting his weight so that he can lean against Jaehyuk more comfortably, letting out a quiet yawn. “...this is okay, right?”
Jaehyuk feels his heartbeat pick up even more, his hand unconsciously tightening its hold on the omega before he forces himself to relax, inhaling deeply as he presses his cheek against the top of Asahi’s head.
“Yeah, it’s...of course it is-”
“But don’t you hate me?”
The sentence takes Jaehyuk aback, his mind blanking at the suddenness with which the question is being thrown out into the air. He opens his mouth several times to answer, but nothing comes out besides an awkward laugh.
“Wha... w-what? Why would you think tha-”
“You know why,” Asahi cuts him off, lifting his head and staring Jaehyuk dead in the eyes, and though he tries not to show it, Jaehyuk knows this is something Asahi has been bottling up inside for a while now. He just never thought the omega would actually voice these thoughts out loud.
“I...I don’t hate you, Asahi,” he whispers, moving to cup the omega’s face with one hand, trying to reassure him that what he said was true.
“Then what do you call us? Because we’re not friends, Jaehyuk-ssi. And we certainly aren’t lovers.”
And there it is; the elephant in the room, looming over both of their heads and refusing to be ignored any longer.
Jaehyuk bites down hard on his tongue, trying desperately to find an answer to that question.
He doesn’t want to lie to Asahi. It isn’t fair nor logical, and he knows that Asahi doesn’t deserve that, so he settles for the truth instead.
“Well, I didn’t exactly plan on us, ah, becoming... that.”
“Me neither, but...it happened anyways, so...we have to deal with it now, don’t we?” Asahi’s voice wavers slightly, almost like he’s about to cry.
Jaehyuk looks away, dropping his hand from Asahi’s cheek.
“Asahi, I-”
“No. Don’t apologize. This isn’t your fault. None of this is.” The omega interrupts, pulling back from the alpha and sitting up, blankets pooling around his waist. “There’s nothing you could have done, right? If anything, I should be thanking you.”
Jaehyuk frowns at this remark, a flicker of annoyance sparking within him, the words coming out faster than he can stop them. “Thank me?! How on earth could you possibly say something like that!? You didn’t ask for this! You didn’t ask for any of this!”
He regrets yelling as soon as the last syllable leaves his lips, because Asahi looks absolutely stricken, and it hits Jaehyuk then that he’s probably hit a nerve.
“And!? You and I both know that if it weren’t for this marriage, nobody ever would’ve wanted an omega like me!” Asahi spits back at him, his voice shaking just a little more than before. “So, thank you! Thank you for giving me this chance, even if you’ll never ever truly love a single thing about me. Because, honestly, just pretending that you do is more than enough for me-”
That makes Jaehyuk snap.
He doesn’t know what possesses him to do it; maybe it’s the fact that Asahi’s crying, or maybe it’s the way he says it, but suddenly Jaehyuk lunges forward and pushes the smaller boy down onto the floor, their faces inches apart.
The omega gasps as his back collides harshly with the ground, but he doesn’t fight back, instead closing his eyes tightly as he waits. Waits for the other shoe to drop, waits for the slap to come, waits for Jaehyuk to tell him what he already knows, what he’s known all along.
He can feel Jaehyuk’s hands on either side of his head as he forces his face upward, and when the alpha finally speaks, his voice sounds oddly broken, as if he, too, is choking back tears.
“You’re so fucking stupid!”
And then, Jaehyuk’s kissing him.
It’s rough. It’s desperate and painful, yet somehow still gentle and sweet, as if he’s afraid to break Asahi despite how much force he puts behind the action, as if Asahi might just shatter under the pressure.
A sob breaks free of Asahi’s throat as Jaehyuk presses harder against him, and he wraps his arms around the alpha’s neck, fingers tangling in his hair as he kisses him back just as desperately, letting himself fall into the kiss despite the tears spilling down his cheeks.
He tries not to focus on the way that their bodies seem to blend together, tries not to think about how he can see every sun freckle and mole dotting Jaehyuk’s skin, tries not to wonder what it would be like to ask him for a second, third, fourth kiss.
But he can’t help it.
Because Jaehyuk is kissing him, and Asahi has never felt more alive.
Neither one of them say anything when Jaehyuk pulls Asahi closer to his body the following morning, the alpha nosing into his neck as he holds him tight, arms wrapped around the omega’s waist, their legs tangled together underneath the blankets as the sun rises over the horizon.