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Dear Inuyasha,
I don’t know if I ever told you about my father, but he died in an accident when I was young, so young that Souta hadn’t even been born yet, in a very similar situation with you and your father. I remember my mama used to write these letters, as if she were talking to him, and now she suggests that I do the same with you. She said this is supposed to help me with my grief, whatever that means, but how do I write a letter that you will never see, words that won’t ever be read? I have so many things I want to tell you, most of which you probably wouldn’t understand, but I guess I should begin somewhere.
I was so relieved when we made it out of the jewel and I saw Mama’s face, even Souta’s and Grandpa’s too. There we were, defeating Naraku, destroying the jewel, and I was with the people I loved most. But when I turned back around, well, you know what happened. I can’t help, but picture the last time I saw you. You had this look in your eyes, like your heart was breaking. I hope it didn’t. All I wanted to do was rush into your arms and tell you it would be okay, but you were pulled from my time, forever .
How is it that I can feel happy, confused, lonely, devastated, euphoric, and wild at the same time? All while being tortured my past memories. My emotions are so all over the place and the only people I can talk to about this are stuck five hundred years in the past! I think the best word to explain it, is lost. I’m truly and utterly lost without you, Inuyasha. I’m homesick for a place I’m not sure even exists anymore, one where your soul understood mine and my heart loved yours.
It was only about two weeks from the time the well closed to me starting high school, but I refuse to believe neither one of us could ever return to each other. So I spent the last of summer break staying as busy as possible, deep cleaning every inch I could of the shrine. I would pass the time by imagining that we are just having another silly argument, that I’m just waiting for you to return and come get me.
I go to school every day, though I just feel so out of place. Since I was little, I never really fit in anyways, but now, more than ever, I know I don’t belong here, that I belong by your side, just like I promised. None of my friends and classmates know what I went through, what we all experienced, and I often find myself just staring out the windows during lessons, hoping to see a flash of red and silver fly by.
My friends are supportive, though they don’t really ask questions or tease me about you anymore. I’ve told them that you and I just aren’t seeing each other at the moment, but I’m sure they are just really uncomfortable bringing it up. I know you think they are strange and talk too much. I can hear your gruff voice in the back of my head like, “Kagome, your friends ask me the weirdest questions” and I find myself smiling.
The hardest part so far, is that I wake up each morning and think of all the things I need to do, before you come yell at me for taking too long, like my brain is in denial that our adventure is over. It’s that one moment, that tiny sliver of a second in the morning, before my brain catches up with my heart, that I can still believe you’re coming for me. So how do I tell my head that I’m stuck here, in the future, without you now? How do I convince my heart to stop aching when I look down the well, just waiting for that burst of blue light and for you to just jump over the side with that impatient look on your face?
I swear, you’d look at me like I’m crazy because of all the little things I miss, and roll your eyes, though I know they wouldn’t hold any real annoyance.
How is Shippo? Is he continuing his training to be a strong fox demon? You know, you could help him out, with all your knowledge of survival and hunting. He looks up to you so much, even if you both fight like siblings all the time. Did you tell him what happened in the jewel? I think he would understand better than you think.
Is Kaede doing alright? I know she isn’t as young as we are or as limber as you, but keep an eye on her, okay? I find myself seeing plants in the market and want to tell her about them all, so I just settle for writing them down, along with all the questions I have about new ones.
How are Sango and Miroku? Have they been married yet? I know they are going to have a bunch of kids and you’ll be around, watching out for them. They’ll love their Uncle Doggy and you will love them just as much back, I just know it. Make sure you keep an eye on Sango? She and you are more alike than most people think, but she needs a friend, just as much as you do. I miss them a lot.
The days are getting colder and the holidays are coming. Do you remember what I told you about Christmas? I came across the scarf I was going to give you, but I’ve decided to wear it, in hopes it brings me closer to you. It’s the same color as your firerat, with flecks of gold in the yarn that remind me so much of your eyes, though by now it probably reeks of my tears, so I’ll make sure to wash it before I give it to you.
This whole thing doesn't feel real. Everyday I wake up thinking it was just a dream. Or worse, a nightmare. Is it the same for you? Are you trying to get back to me, too? I guess I should get to my homework, so when you come back, I don’t want to have to bring it with me to the feudal era. Sometimes, I just can’t believe that this all happened.
Take care of yourself and hurry back to me.
Kagome