Chapter Text
He’s been looking for an Olivia, without realizing it. He’s been searching for someone he already has. Someone who wants him just as much, though he doesn’t know because although Elliot is an intelligent man, he doesn’t pick up on signs rather well.
All the signs that Olivia has given him over the years that say: Me too.
Elliot Stabler has Olivia Benson. But he’s been looking for her; He’s been looking for her over and over again, in someone else, for the past three weeks.
Genie, was his first date. It went well, but, she didn’t like to talk about family. He could tell. She didn’t have any of her own. No children, both parents were long gone. Her disinterest in his children, his mother, was okay at first. Until every time he brought them up, she would abruptly change the subject and move on to something else entirely: The weather, her job, the state of the world.
The state of the world.
No one knew that better than Olivia. No one has seen the sheer horrors of the darkest parts that people offer of themselves to it as much as Olivia has. He knows this because they’ve talked about it.
Long nights in parked cars, spying on houses and what not, will open two people up for dooming conversation. He knows what her fears are for the world; Still, he would like to think, because overall, the world has shown them a pattern.
So if he were to bring up the topic now, Olivia would probably scoff in disbelief. Not at him. But because she knows it’s getting worse out there.
Tanya was next.
A lawyer, who had a small firm that was climbing its way up the financial ladder. She was nice, sure. But had no sense of humor. She didn’t catch his small jokes that Olivia would have reeled in instantaneously.
His remarks didn’t warrant a single grin from her. Instead, she squinted her green eyes, and he found himself, at the moment at least, hoping they would be brown.
Brown eyes.
He tried that daydream with Angela, but they never held such affection as Olivia’s did.
Elliot Stabler keeps looking for brown eyes, contagious smiles, and witty comebacks.
He’s been looking for her, over and over again, for the past twenty-something years. In a few different women, sometimes even in friendships that never quite added up to her.
He even looked for her, and he would never admit this, in his wife.
Even now, long after the woman has been gone and buried, his lips still become dry at the recollection of how many times he’s had to stop himself from saying Olivia instead of Kathy.
It must have been by some mere grace of God that he managed to keep himself from muttering her name over the years in both his daily average life and hot nighttime pursuits.
When someone is constantly bearing on your mind, you have no choice but to think about it. No choice but to be aware of it. So he trained himself, over time, to not associate her with his wife.
To not associate her with anyone.
But like most things, buried thoughts can only be buried for so long before they become so blatantly obvious and alive that there’s no other choice but to acknowledge them as breathing and living feelings.
So when he realizes, finally, that he’s been looking for an Olivia in other women; His dates. Genie. Tanya. A couple of others that just were simply too far away from what Olivia Benson was, a sinking feeling envelopes him.
So Elliot asks himself, as he sits on the couch in his empty, quiet, apartment.
What is he waiting for?
He calls her. To his surprise, she answers.
“Howdy,” He hears her voice come in hoarsely on the other line. He smiles; He found it adorable the first time she said it to him, in this very living room, and even more so now.
“Hey partner,” Elliot greets her, blue eyes squinted and sparkling from the feeling in his chest. The sound of her voice does that to him.
“How have you been?” Olivia asks.
“Ah, well …” Elliot trails off. “You know, same old same old.”
Silence fills the other line.
“Everything okay?” She asks. Her tone lowers, and becomes quieter.
“All is good I just …” — Elliot pauses — “Come over?”
“What?” Olivia chuckles. “It’s almost eight-thirty,”
“Oh, right … Noah, I’m sorry I forgot.”
Another long, drawn-out silence.
“I can maybe come this weekend. Friday, maybe … around, say ten?” Olivia suggests. Her suggestion catches him off guard, while simultaneously causing his entire posture to straighten. He scoots towards the end of the couch.
“Ten? Friday?” He questions.
“Yeah, is that too late?” Olivia asks. “Noah has a recital but … afterwards, maybe Lucy can–”
“That’s not too late. That’s perfect.” He replies.
“Yeah?” Olivia asks.
“More than perfect.”
“Good, I’ll see you then.” He can hear her smiling through the phone. She sounds happy and pleasantly surprised by his invitation, which sparkled a decline, which then initiated her inviting herself over Friday night.
“See you then.”
They say their goodbyes. Both hang-up and once again, Elliot Stabler is alone.
But he’s never felt more excited about a Friday night before.
It’s Tuesday though, and a lot can happen between now and ten o’clock come Friday night.