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◦ Day 1 ◦
Bradley is frantic as soon as he gets the call. Mav has to drive him because he can’t be trusted behind the wheel with the way his head is on a constant swivel – as if he’ll see his boyfriend hanging out on the sidewalk.
He knows where Jake is – of course he does. He knows that he’s awake and he’s okay. In just a few more minutes he’ll be holding him safe in his arms again. He’ll be kissing whatever pout he finds right off Jake’s mouth. Maybe they’ll cry but if they do it will be together.
They’re always together now. Step for step. Breath for breath.
Save the past two weeks while Jake has been in the hospital.
Of all things – he was rear ended at an intersection and shoved into oncoming traffic. It could have been much worse and probably would have been if he hadn’t been driving his truck. Bradley’s already thanked every mystical thing that he knows to thank for that.
Maverick rolls to the hospital entrance and tells Bradley he’ll be up, letting Bradley bolt out the door before figuring out where to park.
Bradley doesn’t run but it’s a near thing. He manages quick, little steps that almost become a jog the closer he gets to the elevator. Jake’s up on the third floor and while it’s barely seconds that separate them now, Bradley is only more frantic to lay eyes on him.
A breath bursts out of his chest as he ducks through the doorway of Jake’s room. Relief slumps down his shoulders and falls off.
Jake is awake, sitting up in the bed, and fiddling with the remote/handset combo.
Catching sight of Bradley, his brow crinkles.
“God, I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” Bradley rushes out. He crosses to the room and grabs hold of Jake’s free hand, trying to bring it up to his lips for a kiss.
“What are you doing?” Jake demands, yanking his hand back out of Bradley’s grasp.
Bradley is so stunned he misses the chair he was aiming for, landing on his ass beside Jake’s bed.
“Jake?” he somehow manages to mumble, even with his heart in his throat.
“Can you explain to them that I have better things to be doing than sitting in this bed?” Jake demands, only after smoothing his expression.
Bradley knows him well enough to know Jake is only pretending he understands but he doesn’t say anything – more like…he can’t say anything. But Jake is watching him expectantly. Bradley swallows. He pushes to his knees before going to his feet. Then he sits down, forcing himself not to touch Jake again.
“You were… Uh, the accident was pretty bad, babe.”
Jake’s brow furrows again. This time he doesn’t bother to disguise it.
“Is this some sort of joke? We don’t have time to mess around, Rooster.”
Bradley all but feels the color drain from his face.
“We – we don’t have to be anywhere. You just need to get better.”
“Like hell,” Jake shoots back. “They said nothing is broken, I’m fine, and I’m not sitting out of this mission just because of a bump on the head.”
Maverick chooses that moment to walk in the door, of course he does. And Jake lights on him immediately.
“Captain Mitchell, thank god! Can you get me out of here?”
Bradley looks between them, trying to hold up a hand as if to stall any of this.
“Jake,” he says, breath trembling, “the mission was two years ago.”
“No it wasn’t,” Jake says, lips tilting in that infuriating smirk. “It’s next week.”
Bradley sags back into the chair, covering his face with both hands.
“Captain?” Jake scoffs, apparently dismissing Bradley completely now.
“It’s not Captain anymore, Jake. I’m retired.”
“That’s not…possible,” Jake says, his voice slowly growing smaller. “I need to talk to Javy, let me talk to Javy.”
Bradley shoves to his feet, bypassing Maverick in the doorway and escaping down the hall. He doesn’t stop walking until he’s back outside. There, he curls on himself – bracing his hands on his thighs. He drags air in and out as tears prick his eyes.
Javy is Jake’s best friend. Of course he wants to talk to Javy. But the knowledge that Jake wants anyone other than him – that Jake doesn’t remember them. It’s tearing his chest to shreds.
There’s a hand on his shoulder, squeezing firmly. For a split second, he thinks it’s Jake. Ready to apologize for a terrible joke and stitch Bradley back together.
But it isn’t. Instead, as Bradley straightens again he sets his eyes on his godfather.
“I notified the doctor,” he says. He clears his throat before speaking again. “Look, kid, I’m sorry but hey, it’s gonna be alright. He’ll remember. The important thing is that he’s alive and he’s okay. So, let’s focus on the good.”
“What if he doesn’t remember?” Bradley asks. “How am I supposed to make him fall in love with me a second time when it was a miracle the first time?” A sob cracks open his chest and he’s collapsing to the sidewalk then.
Maverick’s arms go around him but can’t hold up his bigger frame. In the end, he’s half sitting half crouching on the sidewalk and Maverick is crouched next to him with his arms wrapped firmly around Bradley.
“It’s gonna be alright,” Maverick says again. “It won’t even be the first time we pulled off two miracles, right?”
◦ Day 4 ◦
The house in front of him doesn’t look familiar. Though it was a slim hope it would have been, Jake is still disappointed.
But his clothes aren’t familiar. His body isn’t familiar. At least the inside of Javy’s rental shouldn’t be familiar. Javy mostly looks the same – and Jake thinks he mostly looks the same too. He’s just…he can’t stop thinking about it.
Two years of his life are completely gone.
He can’t remember the mission he was working so hard to go on. He can’t remember saving the day. More than that; he can’t remember Bradley.
Because he was supposed to call him that now. No more callsigns or last names.
Rooster was Bradley and he was Jake.
It was nonsensical.
Because Jake didn’t just let people in. It had taken nearly four years for Javy to become his friend and another three before Jake was willing to call him a best friend.
Now he was supposed to believe that he’d moved in with Bradley ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw in less than two years? That they’d been dating exclusively for not much longer?
It can’t be real. Not only because it’s Bradley. But – well, it sounds too good to be true. Those things don’t happen to Jake. He’d learned that a long time ago.
“You do remember you’re not a lawn ornament, right?” Javy teases, clapping a hand on Jake’s shoulder. “You’re a real boy, Pinocchio.”
It brings a smile to Jake’s lips, albeit a weak one.
“Fuck off.”
“Come on,” Javy says. “Let’s go inside. Maybe we can trigger something.”
They make their way to the front door and Jake pretends that he doesn’t need Javy’s hand on his back to guide him with every step.
Javy settles himself in the kitchen with a beer, taking out his phone to scroll.
For his part, Jake starts wandering through the house.
It’s a small one story, cream and brick on the outside. Inside it’s dark but cozy. On a brighter day it must look nice with the large windows in the living room and the sliding glass door behind the table next to the kitchen.
It feels familiar but not in any tangible way. Like déjà vu. Or maybe like he’d only seen it in a dream before.
A dull ache starts at his temple and he resists the urge to rub at the spot. The doctors had informed him the headaches would come and go. There was a chance they’d never go away – but Jake doesn’t want to focus on that.
He makes his way down the hall, pushing open a door that’s already partly cracked. It opens to reveal a bedroom with sage green walls and an unmade bed. There’s a throw pillow on the floor and a Stetson hanging from the bottom right post of the light wood frame.
More out of instinct than anything else – Jake knows it’s his.
He steps further into the room, picking up the pillow and tossing it on the bed before sitting on the side. He glances around the room again – the three framed photos hanging above the long dresser that takes up one wall. There’s a taller dresser the next wall to the right with a flatscreen mounted above it. A small metal plane sits on one end of the dresser – a bottle of cologne and an open ring box on the other side.
Jake climbs to his feet again. He crosses to the dresser, picking up the cologne first. It’s a soft, woodsy scent. The same one that clung to the sheets faintly. It soothes something in Jake. But, just like the house…it’s too vague for him to determine anything real from it.
He sets the bottle down and moves toward the grey ring box next, using a single fingertip to slant it toward him.
There’s a gold ring settled inside it. Thin, lighter bands of gold cross the ring to wrap around a diamond.
Jake blinks down at the box but the image doesn’t change. His mouth runs dry and he backs up several steps to sit on the foot of the bed.
The floor creaks and Jake jumps, his head swinging to take in Bradley. Bradley doesn’t move further into the room, even though it’s his house.
“Sorry,” he says, “I lost track of time. Meant to be out of here before you got back.”
“It’s your house,” Jake protests, immediately wrongfooted.
“It’s fine. I can stay with Mav.”
It takes a second for Jake to remember he means Captain Mitchell – his godfather. His head aches again and he sighs. The pain wouldn’t be so bad, he thinks, if it meant that his memories were coming back.
But the doctors didn’t know what the headaches meant. Maybe his memories would come back and maybe they wouldn’t. They could do scans of his brain until the cows came home but they still wouldn’t have answers for him.
“Well, don’t forget your,” he gestures toward the dresser, losing his courage at the last second.
Bradley follows his finger, letting out a fervent,
“Oh fuck.”
He dives across the room and grabs for the box. It snaps shut in the sudden silence between them and Bradley sighs, lowering the fist clutching the ring box back to his side.
“Sorry,” he says again. “That definitely…you weren’t supposed to see that.”
“It’s for me?” Jake demands, before he can think better of it.
Bradley lifts his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. The knuckles on his other hand go white as he tightens his grip on the box.
“I suppose there’s no use hiding it.”
He drags a footstool away from a chair in the corner and sits down in front of Jake.
“I hadn’t managed to ask yet,” he says, smiling sadly, “but yeah, it’s your engagement ring.”
Jake is…stunned.
“You,” he says and stops. “How did you fall in love with me?”
Bradley smiles, this one only a fraction warmer.
“It’s better if you remember on your own. Can I ask you something crazy though?”
“I guess,” Jake says, even as he wonders what he’s signing up for.
“Can I see if it fits?”
And yeah, that’s a crazy question. But…Jake sort of wonders what it looks like on his hand too. Maybe that’s just as crazy.
“Yeah,” he allows, nearly croaking it.
He doesn’t make a single move to help but Bradley doesn’t comment. Instead, he lifts the ring out of the box and sets the box on the floor by his foot before coming back for Jake’s hand.
He lifts Jake’s trembling hand and brings the ring closer and closer. It’s cold and smooth as it glides over Jake’s joints and settles snug at the base of his finger.
Jake’s eyes burn. The ring on his hand blurs and he blinks rapidly to clear it. Just as the ring comes back into focus Bradley is tugging Jake’s hand forward. He wraps his fingers firmly around Jake’s fingers and draws them to his lips.
He brushes the softest kiss of Jake’s life across the knuckle the ring sits below. His mustache tickles but Jake has never felt less like laughing in his life either.
“It looks perfect,” Bradley says, voice thick with unshed tears. “You can, uh, take it off now.”
Jake feels small and weak inside his skin, like he could cower inside his own ribcage. He takes his hand out of Bradley’s gently and uses his right hand to slide the ring back off his finger.
He has to tell himself his ring finger feeling cold as the metal leaves it is all in his mind. He has to remind himself that the ring isn’t really his too. The ring belongs to a Jake that’s not here. Or maybe…maybe that Jake is the one cowering in the back of his mind.
Either way – it doesn’t belong to him.
Jake tries to dab at his eyes discreetly as Bradley puts the ring away, tucking the box into his pocket and climbing back to his feet.
“I know that was weird,” he says, his voice hushed. “I’m sorry.”
“We were really in love?”
Bradley’s mustache twitches as he frowns. But, he inclines his chin.
“Can I just ask you one more thing?” Bradley asks. “Then, I’ll leave you alone. I promise.”
“Okay,” Jake agrees.
What else is he supposed to say?
“Do you like the ring?”
And that…that shouldn’t be the thing to break him.
Not after everything that’s already happened. Not after several people having to explain to him that yes, he was in love with Bradley Bradshaw. Yes, they had been dating for over a year. Yes, they lived together. Apparently, Bradley was planning on proposing to him too.
But this… Bradley isn’t just asking for his opinion. He’s exposing his tender underbelly to Jake’s mercy. He’s…trusting Jake not to hurt him.
The Bradley he knows would never have done that in a million years.
For the first time, Jake is glad the mission is long over. If he was still competing with Bradley for a spot he’s not sure what he would have answered. Between honesty and crushing Bradley to surpass him…well, he would have had to debate for quite a while.
As it is, he smiles. Even though he feels fragile down to his bones – he tells the truth.
“It’s beautiful.”
Bradley smiles and nods back.
He turns to go and as much as Jake wants to call him back and tell him he doesn’t have to, he loses his courage again.
He’s not the same Jake Bradley was going to propose to.
Maybe he never would be. If it was supposed to be life’s events that made you who you were, then maybe he was never going to be that Jake again.
He couldn’t just jump in.
No matter how much he wanted to.
◦ Day 7 ◦
Apprehension follows Bradley like a shadow as he lets himself into his house. He hadn’t packed enough to stay at Maverick’s a long time; maybe being overly hopeful. But Jake hadn’t regained his memories yet.
Bradley needed to keep giving him space. He needed to try and start accepting that maybe the memories wouldn’t come back.
If that meant staying at Mav’s long term until something else was arranged – well, he didn’t have much of a choice.
So, he pulls his duffle down from the top shelf of the closet and starts filling it. He piles in more clothes before heading to the bathroom and gathering his body wash, shampoo, conditioner, and shaving kit.
The front door opens and closes and a spark of happiness goes through Bradley before he remembers – Jake doesn’t remember. He’s not going to be greeted with a kiss and asked what the hell he’s doing.
He leans against the doorframe for a second, gathering himself.
“Ro-uh, Bradley?”
“I’m in here,” Bradley calls back, eyes still closed. “I just had to grab some stuff.”
Jake’s footsteps start down the hall and Bradley shoves himself upright. He walks back to his duffle and pauses. He should get a plastic bag to at least try and protect his clothes but the sooner he packs the sooner he’s out of here.
“Why are you taking my stuff?” Jake asks.
He’s standing in the bedroom doorway now, one hand tucked in the pocket of his jeans as he tries to look casual.
Bradley glances down, wondering for a second why he’s taking Jake’s stuff.
“Uh, this is mine,” he says slowly.
Jake flushes slowly as Bradley watches and it makes his knees go weak.
“Oh,” Jake says, the word barely loud enough to cross the space between them.
It’s funny in the same way that it isn’t. They’re maybe five feet apart but it may as well be five hundred.
“Anyway, I don’t wanna crowd you.”
Bradley dumps the load in his arms into his duffle and bends to close it – plastic bag be damned.
“Look, I feel…bad,” Jake says haltingly. “This is your house and…I mean it’s not like you’re gonna kill me in my sleep, right?”
“Jake, it’s okay,” Bradley assures him. “I’m okay.”
“Well, I’m not.”
Bradley pushes to his feet again, abandoning the duffle on the floor. He knows that tone and nothing good is going to follow it.
“Okay,” he says, stopping a foot away with his hands out. “What can I do?”
“Can you just…stay for a little while? I didn’t even know I was using your fucking soap but I was and I guess my body misses you even if my brain is too stupid to-”
Bradley doesn’t grab him and kiss him but it’s a near thing. He pulls Jake into his arms, guiding Jake’s face into his neck before wrapping his arms tightly around Jake’s back.
“You’re not stupid, babe. That accident could have killed you. If you think I’d rather have you gone than you 5% here you’ve got another think coming.”
“But everything’s fucked up because of me,” Jake protests, slightly muffled in Bradley’s shirt. “What if we never get back to where we were? What if I fuck it all up even more?”
“Okay,” Bradley says, already moving and forcing Jake to walk backward. “You don’t trust me enough right now to listen to me – and that’s okay. It just means it’s time for a movie.”
Jake doesn’t protest. He doesn’t push out of Bradley’s hold either. Which means he at least trusts Bradley enough to guide him to the couch.
He’s warmed further to see one of his favorite hoodies bundled up on the couch. Jake’s either been wearing it or using it as a blanket and either option gives Bradley hope for them.
“You sit,” he says. “I’m grabbing the twizzlers and the snickers and I will be right back.” He hesitates, debating for a moment before shaking the sweatshirt open and draping it over Jake like half a blanket.
He gathers the snacks quickly and brings them back to the living room. Jake is still sitting where Bradley left him, though his hands have moved up to grip the top of the hoodie in each fist.
Bradley turns on the TV, getting where he wants to go in a few clicks. Maybe Jake doesn’t remember telling him; but he knows just what to put on to make Jake feel better.
“I love this movie,” Jake says, soft and awed as the credits for Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron start playing. He sniffs quietly and looks to Bradley. “You know I love this movie, huh.”
“Yeah,” Bradley says, letting himself smile.
◦ Day 8 ◦
Jake wakes pancaked into the couch under Bradley. The TV has long since gone to sleep, the screen black and silent. Jake tries to stretch but doesn’t manage it with the way Bradley is holding on to him.
The barely taller man is draped over him, his arms wrapped around Jake’s ribs and his head pillowed on Jake’s chest.
He snores softly, oblivious to the world going on around them.
Jake gives up on trying to escape, smiling in the silence of Bradley’s living room.
Maybe he doesn’t remember – yet. But his body feels at home under Bradley’s.
He’d learned a long time ago to trust his instincts. Right now, they’re telling him that Bradley is safe. Bradley is home. Bradley is…love.
Maybe, instead of flying as fast as he can this time – maybe he can stay a while.
He can stay right here; where his body tells him he belongs.
