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"Hey, hon, don't forget to pick up the margarita mix for the bbq tomorrow." Sam kissed Jack on the cheek before he left for the grocery store. "Daniel called earlier and confirmed he and Sara will be here about fourteen hundred. They're bringing potato salad."
Grinning Jack replied, "I hope Daniel's making it. Sara's was always inedible. Do we need anything else?"
"I don't think so," Sam replied with a roll of her eyes. "I'll call you if I remember anything."
"Okay. Love you," he answered with a second kiss before heading out to his truck.
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The four adults were sitting on the deck at the O'Neill's beautiful log home. The laughter of two women and one of the men echoed through the surrounding trees.
"Oh, c'mon, Jack! That was funny!" Daniel pushed his glasses to the top of his head and wiped his eyes. As he continued to chuckle, he kept wiping the tears of laughter.
Jack tipped his chin, giving his best friend a flash of a placating smile, the crinkle around his eyes convincing no one the smile was real. Sam smiled at the other couple and covered his hand with her own. "He's been broody, Daniel," she said with a small smile. "Leave it."
With a knowing grin, Daniel nodded. Jack scoffed. "I haven't been broody, Carter."
"That's your broody face, Jack," Sara chimed in with an affectionate smile on her face.
"Now, you're ganging up on me." It was an exasperated declaration.
Daniel held his hands up in surrender. "I absolutely am not," he replied. "We have to stick together against them."
Massaging his temple with one hand, he used his other to motion between the women. "They are. Don't. Either of you."
Sara laughed. Sam put her hand on his thigh and squeezed in surrender. "I need another beer. Do the three of you want me to bring the second pitcher?" He rose, looking between the others. They all agreed more margaritas were in order.
He was several long minutes returning. The threesome outside knew he was steeling his nerves. Jack wasn't uncomfortable as much as he was generally terrified of the whole situation, but he refused to let on.
After returning with two beers, his bottle of cheap whiskey, and the pitcher of margaritas, he smiled at Daniel. "I've never asked. How did my best friend end up dating my ex-wife exactly?"
Both Daniel and Sara laughed. "We met at book club," Sara replied. "You never told him, Sam?"
Sam shook her head with a small grin. "He never asked."
"Wait a minute. Book club?" Jack narrowed his eyes at a smirking Daniel. He then turned to Sara. "Book club. Do you still go to that dirty book club?"
Sara and Sam both cackled. Jack looked at Daniel and then between the two laughing women. "Yes, Jack," Daniel replied attempting to suppress a chuckle, "we met at her dirty book club."
"You read dirty books." Jack looked at his friend in disbelief.
"The books aren't explicit," Daniel countered. "They're more sensual? Sara?"
"Yes, those Carpathian males in the newest series..." She lifted an eyebrow at Daniel.
He laughed. "The author really is a master wordsmith, isn't she?"
"I seem to remember one about some Olympian gods that was explicit, though," Sara said with a smile.
"Oh! Yeah!" Daniel chuckled as he looked at his partner. "But it still wasn't that explicit."
"So, okay, you bonded over dirty books. How did my best friend end up dating my ex-wife? The ex-wife who is ten years his senior." Jack did his best to sound bemused, but he was still coming to terms with the idea Sara could stand being in his life again.
Looking at Sam, Sara gave her a faint wink as she replied, "Well, it certainly didn't happen the same way you ended up dating your current wife, who, I might add, is sixteen years your junior." Even decades and a nasty divorce later, Sara O'Neill didn't mind matching wits with her ex-husband.
"Carter?" Jack was looking for a lifeline.
Taking his hand in hers, Sam changed the subject. Daniel and Sara had been dating for almost six months. Jack seemed okay with it, but something felt incredibly off to Sam. She couldn't put her finger on it, so she never brought it up.
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"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Daniel sat across from his best friend. Jack's normal bottle of cheap whiskey was replaced by an expensive bottle of scotch, a generous portion poured into each of their glasses.
"She's not mine, Daniel. You do know that Sara would be livid if she knew you were over here asking for my permission." Jack looked at the open black velvet box and then back to Daniel.
"I'm not asking for your permission, Jack. I'm asking if it's going to be weird for you if I ask you to be my best man. If it is, I'm sure Cam will do it." The archeologist sighed and looked around the backyard. "For most people, this would probably be the weirdest thing to happen to them, you know?"
Draining his scotch in a single go, Jack poured himself another and smiled at his best friend. "You both deserve to be happy, Daniel. If it's together, who am I to stop that?"
Admiring the stones set in an intricate design on the engagement band, Jack smiled. "You know Sara was never much of a peridot fan, right?"
"She's said as much," Daniel replied softly. "They're green diamonds. Do you think she will like it?"
He'd never been that creative in his years with Sara. She was so lucky to have found Daniel. "Yes," he answered, his voice rough with emotion. "To both."
"Thanks, Jack," Daniel sighed.
The older man looked at his friend and smiled. The corners of his eyes crinkled, but there was no emotion behind them. Lifting his drink, he said with false cheeriness, "May your troubles be few and your blessings many, Daniel." The younger man nodded as they gently clicked their glasses, and sipped his scotch. He watched Jack tip back his second glass like it was water. "Have you got a date in mind?"
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"You're brooding," Sam said. The gentleness of her statement belied her understanding of the situation.
"I'm not." The simple statement was the only thing Jack could get out through the alcoholic fog. He’d already been through most of a bottle of his cheap whiskey.
Lifting an eyebrow, she didn't respond. Jack had been quieter than usual for weeks and she couldn't figure out how to get him out of it. He’d given Daniel his blessing to propose to Sara, but he’d come away from that conversation different.
“Well, since you aren’t brooding, are you ready to go to bowling league?” She hoped bowling would distract him from whatever was eating away at him.
“Nah,” he said, refusing to look his wife in the eye. “You go ahead. Let Daniel and Sara know I’m just not feeling well tonight.”
Leaning down, Sam searched his dark eyes. He smiled wanly. She smiled sadly before kissing him. She could smell the whiskey on his breath.
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I gave up everything for you, Jack! I gave up my life to follow you, stationed around the damned world, so you could do whatever clandestined work you do to get off in life. All I wanted from you was a child. I wanted a bit of innocence to come home to. You took that away from me, too! You stole everything beautiful in my life from me. You destroyed everything good in my life!
Jack sat in his recliner hearing Sara’s words echoing angrily in his head. Ever since Daniel had the audacity to ask for his blessing, the older man had been hearing her words. He kept seeing her, skin pale with dark circles around her eyes. Her pain after Charlie’s funeral being wielded like a broken sword. Every word she said to him that night cut. It didn’t sting like the scalpel of a surgeon. It scalded, like acid, eating a hole through his heart and into his very soul. He took every word she threw at him and let the venom scar him. He deserved it. He knew he did.
Now, she was remarrying. She was remarrying his best friend. He couldn’t let Sam see his pain. He couldn’t let anyone know its source. "Carter." Sam had no idea how she could hear the slur, but it was ten-thirty on a Tuesday morning, and Jack was already slurring.
Over the past year, his drinking had gotten worse. He refused to admit it. He wouldn’t even acknowledge it. Neither Sam nor Daniel could even broach the subject with him. “Jack.” She sighed and sat on the arm of his easy chair. Her hand went to the nape of his neck, thumb caressing behind his ear. His arm went around her hips.
His eyes were unfocused as he looked at his wife. “Carter.” It was a challenge.
“Daniel’s going to be disappointed that his best friend can’t even be sober for his wedding.” Sam’s disappointment was evident in the sigh that came after her statement.
“Well, Mitchell can be his best man, then.” Jack rose from the chair and ungracefully staggered into the kitchen.
“It doesn’t have to be this way,” she said softly as she followed him. Standing in the doorway she finished, “You should talk to someone, Jack. We only want what’s best for you and you can’t even tell us what’s wrong.”
He leaned against the kitchen sink, crossing his arms. “Go to the wedding, Carter.”
She nodded, but before she left, Sam hugged Jack. He draped his arms awkwardly over her shoulders and she wrapped her arms tightly around his middle. “You’re not getting out of your second marriage by being a brat,” she mumbled into his chest. “You’re not getting rid of Daniel by sulking, either,” she said without venom as she looked up at her husband. Sam could see the pain in his eyes, but she didn’t know how to convince him to let it go. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours. I love you.”
Jack only looked away guiltily and let her go. He wanted to say it back, but he knew if he did, she would miss the wedding, too. He knew he would confess his sins to his wife and ruin his best friend's wedding day.
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Daniel picked up the phone to hear Sam whimper. Before he could finish his greeting, she gasped his name. “What’s wrong?”
He could hear Sam trying to get a handle on her breathing. “It’s Jack. Daniel. He’s gone. I. He.” She wailed.
“Sara and I will be over in a few minutes,” he said urgently.
“No!” Sam’s agonized exclamation stopped him.
“N-no?”
“Daniel.” Her pitiful cry made his heart clench painfully. “Not Sara,” she whispered. Sam sobbed. Taking a deep breath, she finished. “There was a note.”
Several silent seconds later, Daniel said, “I’ll be right there.”
When he arrived ten minutes later, Sam was watching EMS take her beloved husband’s body from his pottery shed. She collapsed into Daniel’s arms. The archeologist took over, knowing both Jack and Sam’s wishes for after their passing. Inside, he washed her face. She was a million miles away, stuck in a loop that went from calm to upset to hysterical and back to calm. Every time she would attempt to speak, Sam would wail. Finally, she handed him the piece of paper tucked in her pocket.
Unfolding it, Daniel read the words over and again, ”I’ll love her til I die. Sorry.”
His tears finally fell. “God, Sam, how did we…?”
“You can’t tell Sara!” She interrupted. “Whatever happens, you can not tell her. It will kill her, Daniel.”
He touched her cheek. “What about you, Sam?”
“I’ll.” The shock of what she found was still etched on her face. “I know how much he loved me, Daniel. I don’t think he planned this. I just.” Sam took a ragged breath. “You shouldn’t have to be strong for us both.”
Kissing Sam’s forehead, he wiped the tears from his face. “You know I will be anyway. I don’t think it was planned, either, Sam. I think he just knew he was close to leaving us. This would be a very Jack thing to do." He tucked the note into her palm. “Why don’t you put this in one of your drawers? Pack a bag and I’ll call Sara and let her know that you’re going to stay with us for a few days.”
“The funeral arrangements are already made,” Sam replied numbly.
“I’m aware,” Daniel replied, taking her hand. “We still have to get to Minnesota and you don’t need to be alone right now. Now, go pack. I have to tell my wife her ex-husband has passed unexpectedly.”
When Sam returned, Daniel was sitting on the couch, elbows on his knees and head bowed. The phone and his glasses were sitting on the cushion next to him. She watched a tear drop fall from his face to the floor before sitting next to him. He sniffed wetly and wiped his eyes. “Ah,” he cleared his throat. “We need to get home.”
Sara ran out the door, eyes red and hand over her mouth, when Daniel pulled up. She raced to the passenger side door and pulled Sam from the vehicle when a loud sob. As the women held each other, Daniel took Sam’s bag and the food he’d bought into the house. The women were still clinging to one another in the driveway when he’d finished putting away the groceries. He walked out and put his arms around them both, kissing the top of their heads. “Let’s go inside so we can all mourn.”
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Two weeks later, they were finally ready to have Jack’s funeral. All of the military personnel were in their dress uniforms, except Sam. Sara held her hand. “Thank you,” she said quietly as they sat in the row nearest the casket.
Sam squeezed her hand. “He wanted to be buried as Charlie’s dad, Sara. I’d never take that away from him. If the military people here want to do something for him, then they can, but we both know this is our Jack.”
With a sob, the older woman grabbed Sam in a fierce hug. Daniel sat awkwardly through the funeral as the women took comfort in one another. They held it together until the funeral director played the photo collection Sam and Jack made for the occasion.
As most funerary pieces of music start, Jack had chosen "Go Rest High on That Mountain". He ended it with "He Stopped Loving Her Today." Both women wailed through the large collection of photos. Daniel sat shedding his own tears, not only in sadness, but also in helplessness.
Afterward, at the cabin, Sara and Sam sat on the couch together, content to lean on each other as Daniel played host. He heard bits and pieces of the whispered gossip about his best friend.
Stress killed Jack.
It was the drinking.
I heard he did it to himself.
It was guilt.
He couldn’t deal with his wife and ex being friends.
There was one last suicide mission.
Daniel was heartbroken that people would speak so poorly about his friend. He was angered that they’d do so at his funeral where his widow… Widows? Could hear them.
Days later, Daniel woke to find Sara gone and the coffee brewed. He poured his own cup and checked in on Sam. Her bed was empty as well. Pulling on his robe and slippers, Daniel wound his way around to the back of the pond to the large willow tree. The women sat on a quilt in front of Jack and Charlie’s graves. The dappled light of the sunrise was just beginning to kiss the granite of the headstones. “I want you to know that you can be buried here with them,” Sara confided to Sam. “You should be, I mean.”
Sam wiped a tear from her cheek and took a sip of her coffee. “They’re your guys, Sara,” she replied.
“Charlie’s my baby, Sam,” she said putting her hand on the other woman’s knee. “My place is beside him one day. Your place is by our Jack’s side. You were there for him when no one else knew how to be.”
Sara was eerily calm next to Sam. Purposefully, Daniel made a noise behind them. They both smiled when they saw him. Patting the quilt beside her, Sara said, “Have a seat. We’re just having a chat with our boys. Now that you’re here, Love, the real conversation can begin.”
Daniel sat next to his wife, confused by her words.
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It took months for Daniel and the two women to find a new routine. Sam found herself unmoored by her loss. All of the things that brought her joy before Jack died, suddenly held no interest for her. She tried to go back to making pottery, but every time she sat at her wheel, the tears came. It was only when Daniel caught her sobbing over the spinning clay, did he make her talk to him.
Three days later, Sam sold Jack’s pottery shed and all of its contents. She had Sara come and pick out her favorites of his completed pieces as she did the same. The rest, she donated to the local little league for their yearly fundraising auction. A week after that, Sam stopped taking Daniel's phone calls.
The third evening after she stopped talking to him, Daniel drove to her house. He could hear Sam screaming in anger through the closed and locked front door. Taking out his key, he let himself in. The house was in complete disarray. There were boxes everywhere in various states of being packed. Piles littered nearly every flat surface. Sam’s rageful scream drew his attention away from her packing. He called her name up the hallway as he approached.
Looking into the doorway to her bedroom, he found her in the middle of the bed surrounded by boxes and Jack’s clothes. She was wearing one of his flannel shirts and crying into one of his black tees. “Sam,” Daniel whined as tears prickled at the corners of his eyes. Seeing her friend, she wailed.
He ran to her, pushing all of the boxes and clothes out of the way to get to her. Sam was incoherent with grief. He held her and let her wail and cry for over an hour. When she was finally sleeping, he called Sara. Relating to her the carnage in the O’Neill household, she insisted he stay close to Sam. Sara was uniquely qualified to tell Daniel what he was seeing with his friend and how to help.
When they hung up, Sara sighed. She set the phone down and closed her eyes. Several deep breaths later, she reopened them. In front of her sat a glass of Jack’s favorite cheap whiskey mixed with a dark soda and a picture of him holding Charlie as a baby. She wiped a stray tear from her cheek. “I thought you were done running my life,” she mumbled to the photo as she took a large gulp of her drink.
Just as Sara had hoped, Daniel spent most of the next three months with Sam, packing and cleaning the house. She was, in a very literal sense, packing up that part of her life. The older woman remembered doing much the same after she pushed Jack away. She remembered that she didn’t have any friends to help her with this part. She was glad her husband was there for Sam.
Sara never felt neglected by Daniel as he helped Sam. She had Jack’s memories and his favorite drink to keep her satisfied. It wasn’t until his death that she realized just how deeply she still cared. Every evening Daniel would go to Sam’s, Sara would pull out that photo of Jack and Charlie and her favorite drink. Every evening Sam would have dinner with them, they all got her favorite drink. She knew how to play the part of the long term mourner. She guided Sam along the currents of grief that she’d so often been carried through life on.
It was a year after Jack’s passing that Sam finally began to return to herself. Sara found herself almost jealous that Sam could even think to be like she was before Jack. Daniel seemed less exhausted, as well. She found herself the object of his affection again and loathed herself for it. How could he have not spent the last year taking care of such a brilliant and beautiful woman and not turn to her? How could he not want the younger and prettier of Jack’s castoffs?
Sara’s drinking worsened, but she hid most of it from them. On the days Daniel left early, she took her whiskey directly from the bottle into her coffee cup. On the days he didn’t, she hid it in a thermos. She took that thermos to work most days, as well. Sara could retire whenever she was ready and didn’t care if she happened to get caught. She went on shopping dates with Sam. They both had her do mani-pedis once a month. Most of the trips, the older woman didn’t even remember.
When Sam was finally settled into her new home, Sara found out that she was going to work teaching physics part time at the SGC. Daniel had gone back to consulting part time, as well, so she had even more time to spend to herself each week. The photo of Jack and Charlie that Sara loved so much sat on the end table on her side of the couch. She would watch her husband smile softly at it and then at her. She knew Daniel could see how they would have been such a happy family.
Sara hated those looks.
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Five months after going back to consulting for the SGC, Daniel came home to his wife with news. His smile was elecric. His blue eyes clear as the sea on a summer day. Sara was a bottle and a half of whiskey into her day when he swept her into his arms. She stumbled as he twirled her around. Laughing, he leand in and kissed her. “I have news!” He declared, pulling her into the kitchen. He sat her at the table and set a pot of water to boil for pasta. “I want to run it by you first because we never really discussed it.”
She was too drunk to follow, so Sara settled for a confused look. “Would you be okay with me going offworld for a few days? SG-9 found a ruin that looks like it could be a missing link in our Ancients history, but I need to be able to see some of the writings in person. I won’t leave until next Thursday, but I’ll be home by Saturday noon, at the latest. Cam and Vala will be there and Teal’c is even coming in from Chulak, so I’ll be as safe as I ever was going offworld.”
He rose from the table to check the water. Mistaking her long silence for anger, he clarified quickly, “If you don’t want me to go, I won’t!”
Looking into his eyes, Sara gave him a small half-smile. “I know Jack’s not here to protect you, but you should go,” she said. “I know that’s always what you loved best.”
Daniel kissed her, finally smelling the alcohol on her breath. “You’ve been drinking?”
She shook her head as she looked down at her wedding set. “Not much,” she replied, toying with her rings.
“How much is not much?” He asked gravely, sitting again.
“Two Jim’s and Coke,” she answered, looking up at him.
“Mostly Jim or mostly Coke?” Daniel knew that was Jack’s drink of choice if he wasn’t pounding Jameson.
She hesitated. He knew. “Sara, my love,” he sighed forlornly, taking her hand and stopping her fidgeting with her ring. “We all know that’s what took Jack away from us.”
Those were words that cut her to the bone. “I know,” she replied.
“Take it easy?” He asked.
“Promise,” she lied.
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That weekend, Sam made plans for a mani/pedi with Sara for Saturday morning. They made plans for dinner at Sam’s new place on Friday night. With Daniel offworld, Sam knew the other woman would be worried about him.
When Jack’s widows met up on Friday, Sam could see the drunkenness in the other woman’s posture. It was the same as Jack’s. Sam’s heart clenched in sorrow. She tried to discuss it with her friend, but Sara refused, telling her that she hadn’t had a drop. Sam resolved to discuss it with Daniel when he returned, hoping she could save her friend from the same fate as he beloved husband.
When Sara left at eleven, Sam was certain she was sober. Sam was wrong. The other woman had a flask tucked in her jacket pocket, something Jack never had because he never bothered to hide his vice. Except he did at the end, just better. She went home and pulled the photo of Jack and baby Charlie from it’s frame before falling onto the couch in a drunken stupor.
When she didn’t answer the door at oh nine hundred, Sam let herself in. She found the grizzly scene of her friend lying on the couch having choked on her own vomit, photo still clutched to her breast. Sam immediately went numb. It’d barely been two years since she’d lost Jack; Daniel’d lost Sara. She’d found her friend, like she’d found her loving husband.
She called the SGC and told Landry what had happened. He told her that he’d break the news to Daniel and send EMS and a couple of airmen to sit with her, hearing she shock in her voice. EMS was long gone when Daniel arrived. Sam had been staring at nothing, waiting on him. Two young airmen stood, silent sentinels, watching over Sam. When the archeologist arrived, he fell to his knees in front of her. With a loud sob, he grabbed his friend. They sat in that position, Daniel holding onto Sam and crying until he couldn’t cry anymore.
It was at that point, she stood and sat him in her chair. Sam was still in shock when she went to his room and grabbed some clothes for him. Back in the living room, she folded his discarded glasses and tucked them into his toiletry bag. “Take us to my place,” she said flatly to the young airmen. They nodded.
Listlessly Daniel followed her from his home. She locked the door behind them. Cam and Vala were waiting for them outside of her place. Their friends guided them inside and sat them at the kitchen table. A plate of Thai food was sat in front of each of them. Cam knew this had retruamatized them both. “You have to eat,” he quietly admonished, picking up a forkful and putting it in front of Daniel’s mouth.
Seeing Daniel eat something, enlivened Sam, though she didn’t have the energy to feed herself. Vala dutifully rubbed her back and fed her. “C’mon,” she said pensively. “Let’s get you showered and dressed for bed.”
It was in the shower that Sam’s tears came. She scrubbed her skin red, speaking incoherently in between sobs. The water was icy when Vala finally got her out. Sam, naked and wet, grabbed her friend. “Please be real,” she wept. “Don’t leave me Vala!”
“I won’t leave you Sam, but we need to get you dry and warm. I need you to let go long enough to wrap you in a towel.” Vala sounded worried. As the women left the bathroom, she called out, “Cameron, it is going to be a while before Daniel can shower. Sam ran the water cold.”
He walked up the hall, back to the open bedroom door, and stood respectfully out of eyesight. “Daniel’s not bathing tonight, Vala. He’s out cold,” Cam said, speaking lowly so he didn’t wake the archeologist.
“I need Daniel,” Sam whined.
“Let’s get you dressed and you can go to him,” Vala crooned.
Sam walked out of her bedroom. Vala and Cam close behind. Their friend was shaking and they didn’t want her knees to buckle getting to the couch. Crawling under the throw Cameron had put over Daniel, she curled into his side and a quiet sob. “You don’t deserve this,” Sam whispered, laying her head on his chest. The strong thump-thump of his heartbeat soon evened out her breathing.
He stirred long enough to whisper her name and wrap his arms around her.
Vala went back to the linen closet and grabbed two afghans. “I don’t want to leave them,” she said to Cam.
“Not until they remember they have us, as well as each other,” he replied sitting in the chair across from them.
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Daniel moved Sara’s burial from her family gravesite nearest her father to Minnesota. Her remaining family was angry at this, but they didn’t know that she and Jack had become friends again. They didn’t care that he, her spouse, wanted her buried next to her son. They refused to acknowledge Sara had changed her mind.
That gnarled and ancient willow tree had become so important to the three of them since Jack’s passing that neither Daniel nor Sam could imagine her anywhere but with her guys. Her baby.
Days after the funeral, Cam and Vala left the cabin. They stayed in Minneapolis to give the friends time to mourn together. Yet, they wanted to be close in case they were needed.
Just before daybreak on the third day after they were gone, Sam woke with a start. She rose and saw that coffee had already been made and an empty mug was on the counter. With tears in her eyes, she threw on her robe and sneakers, poured her cup of coffee and wound her way around the pond to the willow tree.
Daniel sat on the quilt. She quietly padded up and slipped her shoes off before sitting next to him. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. The dappled light of the sunrise was just beginning to kiss the granite of three headstones when he finally spoke. “You want to swear off drinking with me?”
“Forever,” she replied.
“Promise me I can be up here with them when I’m gone.” Daniel’s voice cracked.
“As if I’d dare keep you away,” she answered.
“Think we’ll ever get to love someone as much as they loved each other?”
“I think we already have,” Sam replied tearily. “Promise you’ll come up here with me when I need to think?”
“As if you’d dare to keep me away,” he replied.
Quiet tears came as they took comfort in each other. Sam handed Daniel her half drank mug of coffee when she noticed his was gone. He took a sip and handed it back. They watched the sunrise through the leaves of the willow tree only packing up their cups and quilt once the coffee was gone.