Chapter Text
It’s late September, during a final surprise heatwave; the dying embers of summer burning out like a phoenix. Autumn is soon to hit, ready to turn leaves orange and red in a beautiful blaze of death. It’s months away from being a concern, but Rebecca wonders idly if she should get her chimney swept. Maybe she’ll use her fireplace this winter, curl up all cozy with Ted; fall asleep on lazy Sunday afternoons to the crackling of cherry wood, the scent of freshly baked biscuits permeating the air of a home that had once felt so empty. There’s a pleasant normalcy to the fantasy, and she can see it being made real by the passing of time, it feels within her reach. Ted’s pushed himself into every vision she has of her future. He’s made it easy to form beautiful dreams.
Rebecca’s lying in a tepid bath to beat the heat; a series of mishaps inadvertently playing into all of her domestic reveries. They’re in a hotel room in Manchester. Her and Ted. One hotel room with a broken thermostat which is giving the place a tropical tint. It’s not entirely comfortable, but this was the last room available, and by the time they realized there was little other choice. Rebecca doesn’t know what’s so special about this particular Tuesday night that has everything so booked up, but she’ll take some extra celsius over a stay in a Travelodge in Macclesfield. That’s where Leslie has the misfortune to be holed up after a trackside fire canceled his and all the later trains back to London.
The three of them had come up to Manchester the previous evening in preparation for an afternoon reception at the National Football Museum; The FA trying to make their events a little less London-centric. Not particularly convenient for them, but apparently so inconvenient for Rupert that West Ham hadn’t sent anyone to attend. It was a relief; Rebecca no more wanted to see Ted forced to face Nate than she had any desire to be in the same room as Rupert. That time would inevitably come.
Traveling inter-city by train was hardly Rebecca’s first choice; but the jet was having it’s engine serviced after a fault - taking advantage of the Premier League being on international break. She could have chartered another or had them take a car, but Ted had looked so thrilled by Leslie’s suggestion of the train that she had thought why not? Ted is so good at finding small ways to contribute to her everyday happiness, that she never wants to overlook a way in which she can return an ounce back. Sucking up a few hours of public transport for his amusement? Rebecca could do that.
“Don’t get too excited.” she’d warned, telling him, “It’s hardly the Orient Express.”
“I know, and that’s just fine. Wait— The Orient Express? That’s something you can still do? Like the book, the movie? Can you go all the way to—“ Ted frowned and closed his eyes, trying to remember.
“Istanbul? Not from London as far as I know. I think you can go to Vienna and Venice, from here, perhaps some other places closer by.” She shrugged. “Apparently, it’s a rather lovely experience.” Some friends of Rupert had once encouraged them to go, and Rebecca had died inside at the idea of being trapped in a confined space with her now ex-husband. Fortunately, he hadn’t been taken with the suggestion either. She wasn’t against the concept, it was essentially a five star hotel on wheels after all, but it was the type of trip where you’d have to be very selective with the company.
They’d spent a while on the very much not the Orient Express journey up to Manchester, pouring over pictures of the luxury train on Leslie’s laptop as a time killing diversion. The three of them were seated at a table in the first class coach, snacking on salt and vinegar crisps which came with the added benefit/torture of Ted nonchalantly sucking the lingering seasoning from his fingers, the sight building some heat within her which was less than ideal given the location and her inability to do anything about the situation. Rebecca had pressed her knees together, back of her neck red hot with an arousal that rarely left her of late. She’d fought the temptation to reach over, thrust her own digits into his mouth, learn finally what the swirl and flick of his tongue would feel like against her skin.
They’d sat opposite one another, feet touching beneath the table; a small indirect point of contact keeping them anchored at all times. She’d enjoyed watching him as they talked, as he gazed out of the window at the world moving by in a green and concrete blur. Rebecca caught Ted observing her back, drank in his bashful smile at being busted. “Spoilt for choice with the view.” He confessed, moustache twitching. The idea of giving him an even better one, sending the blush rocketing from Rebecca’s neck to her cheeks
Their investigations into luxurious trains had left Higgins taken on the idea of a trip with Julie for their next big anniversary, and Rebecca is going to make sure that happens for them. Ted seemed equally charmed by the concept, “That’s real romantic.” He told Leslie. “Hey, I can see you on there Rebecca, amongst all that Art Deco glamour, dressed up to the nines, sipping champagne from a coupe glass. Coop? Coo-pay? You could wear those earrings from our first gala, the dress too. I’d like to see you back in that outfit, havin’ a better time next go around.” She would wear that dress again, for him, but only if she knew he’d take it off her at the end of the night. Rebecca prefers to associate that particular gown with the good memories; the feeling of Ted’s hands as they rested solid, secure on her upper back in their very first hug. In those few moments where she’d clung to him like a life line and seen a bare glimpse of something that she would spend all of the next year trying to find in others what had been in him along.
“And of course you’d have to go sing beside the piano, because that voice—“ He breathed into a thoughtful smile, “You shouldn’t keep that to yourself. Guess you probably can’t lie on one that’s not yours, but that would be cute one day— you on top of the piano singing something jazzy.” Apparently, Rebecca wasn’t the only one having interesting fantasies.
Y’know, I think it’s kinda a neat idea—“ Ted continued, stroking his moustache lightly, drawing Rebecca’s gaze to his fingertips, “Nowadays we’re all about getting to the destination— we don’t take a lotta time to enjoy the journey, and with the right company, the journey can be a heck of a lot of fun.” Ted nodded towards Leslie as the Pendolino train tilted and rattled around a bend, before his eyes caught back on Rebecca’s. A warmth spread over her cheeks as Ted gave the barest of caresses to the back of her hand, a pair of fingers swiping across the base of her knuckles with a familiar tenderness, a deliberate slowness. They’ve become increasingly tactile with one another since Ted came home from Kansas, their physical intimacy playing catch up to something emotional that had developed, something beautiful borne out of distance, and she’s addicted. She’s obsessed. She touches him too, but not yet in all the ways she wants to. She wants to explore Ted like he’s the depths of the sea, the outer reaches of space; above and below her, endless and eternal. She wants to see him flushed and breathing hard; know the lyrics of his heart and hear the songs of his mind.
“You two should go,” Leslie suggested, with a shrug of his shoulders, looking a little too overtly knowing for her tastes. It was hard to be subtle with her feelings when they felt so big and billowing. That people were noticing, not just Keeley who had drawn out a confession from her, after a night that felt like an insecure circus in her mind - it wasn’t a surprise. “Take each other on the train to fair Verona.” Higgins gave a theatrical sweep of his arm, as if he were on stage at the Globe theatre but with vastly limited space, “Eat some pasta. Perhaps you’ll solve a murder mystery on the way back, but I suspect you’d both be too busy for that.” Leslie continued, looking between the two of his companions with a nod and an encouraging air.
Ted looked intrigued, and Rebecca tried not to blush at Higgins’ choice of words and the thoughts they sparked in her already heated mind. She’d never in her life thought about being taken on a train; what was the train equivalent of the mile high club anyway? But she spent the rest of the journey north attempting to suppress images of getting railed on the rails by Ted. Her hands on the window, his around her hips as he pushed into her over and over again. It turned out public transport wasn’t so bad when sitting opposite the man you want to shag. That’s the thing about being in love with Ted, and she’d never experienced it before, how even the most tedious of tasks become altogether less onerous when he’s around to keep her company.
In late July, Rebecca had been stressed about a sponsor pitch, one which would prove to be very lucrative for the team if she could pull it off. She’d been in her head, enjoying absolutely nothing about the process of putting it together until he’d offered to stay, help her finesse and practice until she felt entirely confident. Ted playing the role of bored executive listening to the presentation, sometimes a little too well. He’d fake yawned through version two until she stopped and glared at him.
“Yeah you might want to avoid doing that in the real thing.” He’d told her, tilting his head as she scowled back.
“Fuck.” Rebecca snapped at herself, not him; stalking around the room huffing. “Is it really that bad? It is, isn’t it? Fuck this— I used to be good at this Ted. I used to be convincing.” She came to sit down heavily, taking a dramatic thunk onto the sofa beside her gaffer who she harbored suspicions that he was trying not to look amused at her miniature strop. Dropping her forehead into her palms in something between mock and real despair she’d released an exasperated groan.
“You want me to be nice or honest?” Ted asked gently.
“The latter, though I’d prefer if they were one and the same.” She sighed, peeking away from her hands, to find him warm eyed with encouragement and a hint of concern.
“They will be soon. Not about to go all Simon Cowell on ‘ya but yeah it could use some work. It’s not bad, there’s just not a lot of… you, and look I’m no corporate exec, I’m not a numbers guy but all these figures, they ain’t gonna stick in anyone’s mind. It’s just, kinda—dry. ”
“Well, what do you suggest?” Rebecca had queried.
“Field trip?” He responded, getting up and reaching out an arm. She took it, letting her left hand join with his right as Ted tugged her from the sofa, out of her office and through the many corridors of Nelson Road. It was late afternoon, and most had already left for home; Ted waving jovially at those they did pass on their travels and she followed suit; trying not to presume what anyone might think about the owner and gaffer merrily wandering the halls hand in hand. She liked how it felt too much to let go, the beginning of their joining physically; something that was delightful but promised so much more. He led her past the wall of owners, “Look at you up there!” by the trophy display cabinets, “Gonna do everything to fill those up for ‘ya!” through the tunnel to the pitch, stopping abruptly at the sidelines.
“Gotta take our shoes off. Otherwise, the groundskeeper’s gonna have us locked up in that tower y’all have here. Probably throw away the key if we bend a blade of grass.” Ted told her, slowly, perhaps grudgingly letting go of his secure grip on her hand to drop down and untie his laces. Rebecca leaned on his shoulder, as her gaffer stood back up, slipping off her strappy block heeled sandals and abandoning them by the sideline.
“What’s happening here?” She questioned, as he’d placed a steadying hand onto her hip.
“I just think that you need to feel a bit of grass underfoot, Rebecca. Get out on your pitch. Remember what this place is. You’re up in your office in business mode, and you’re real great at it— Don’t get me wrong— You’re the engine that keeps this team runnin’. We’d be nothing without you, but if you wanna win these guys over; maybe a pepper shake of passion on the top. I know you have it. I know you love this team. You’re my MVP— You’re the MVP. Seems that there are a heck of a lot of clubs in the Premier League owned by billionaires who just wanna park their assets. Richmond is… something special, because it’s yours. The people make the team.” Rebecca’s heart started to ease at the sincerity of what he said. She’d lived a long time in the belief that nobody truly was on her side, but Ted had never wavered, even on learning that there had been a moment where she hadn’t had his.
Rebecca breathed in the atmosphere. She could admit he had a point, perhaps she’d been approaching everything too factually. It was about to be another successful Ted pep talk, she could tell.
“Where to then?” She shrugged with a smile, already feeling better with Ted at her side and the sun in her eyes, like she was surrounded by the light of two different stars, both necessary for her to survive.
“Center circle— I think the lady should survey her whole domain, and the turfs still kinda a mess over there so nothing we can break.”
It was a blisteringly hot day, close with humidity. Ted had abandoned his khakis for a pair of navy shorts paired with a polo shirt - a look he wore well. She wanted to bite the muscles of his calves, slide kisses along his shins at the sight of his strong exposed legs. As he strode barefoot through the short grass, dodging the arcs of the sprinkler systems, she had strange thoughts about kneeling behind him, licking the salt of Ted’s sweat from the back of his knees. She’d already been so far gone even then, something feral and desperate in her pushing to the surface. Something different to what she’d felt before.
“I’ll get grass stains.” Rebecca told him as Ted made himself at home in the middle of the pitch, legs outstretched, propping himself up on his forearms as if he were a sunbather surveying the sea. He’d looked easy and content, his shoulders lightened from the burdens which weighed him down months earlier. The pain wasn’t gone, but now he had the tools to cope and she hoped she’d played some part in his transforming state.
Rebecca was in shorts too, a neutral tailored pair with a white blouse; absolutely not the look to lie on the ground. Ted just smiled and patted the blades carefully.
“And who’ll see except me?”
“Will you be looking?” Rebecca smirked, peeking down as he gazed up.
Ted ran his fingers through the front of his hair, mouth in a sheepish grin, “Just— get yourself down here, Boss, make yourself comfy.”
“Fine.” She rolled her eyes. “I suppose it’s nothing the dry cleaner won’t be able to deal with.” She acquiesced, lying down beside Ted, the edge of their legs in the barest of touches, his hair tickling her skin in a sensation that she longed to become familiar to her via nights of tangled limbs.
The stadium was an impressive sight from the center. They had one of the smallest venues in the league but it was filled with history; of some triumph and much failure. Rebecca finally understood what a privilege it was to be the caretaker of something which so many had such a deep passion for. She’d spent hours of her life ensconced in the terrace of the owners box; sad and angry, then hopeful, and with the new season starting she knew she was about to enter a new era in that same spot, one where she looked down and was in love; with Ted, with her team, perhaps with her whole life. She was a part of the place, it was as much if not more a home as her house and suddenly she felt so much for her surroundings, what they represented, that her heart quickened in a joyous sort of gratitude that this was her reality, that she was sitting in the middle of a pitch on a hot Wednesday afternoon with the man who had changed her whole outlook on her world, who’d reminded her that she still had a heartbeat and not a chest that was an empty cavity looking to be filled.
“It’s strange to think there was a time where I didn’t love it here. Where I wanted to lose all of this because it reminded me of every moment I’d lost in the twelve years— more, I gave to him.” Rebecca bit her lip in contemplation, using her hand to shade her eyes from the glare of the lowering sunshine, “But Rupert never really cared about Richmond, because if he did he would never have been able to just move on, buy West Ham as if this place meant nothing at all. When I found out about all the other women, I spent such a long time wondering what was wrong with me, why I couldn’t hold his interest even when I’d bent and changed myself to fit the idea of who he thought I should be—“
“It was never you, Rebecca. You see that now? There was never anything wrong with you.” Ted said carefully, touching her shoulder; the sun bringing out the warm tones in his hair, the flecks in his eyes, as they basked like two kittens in the afternoon light.
“I think I deserved better.” She nodded; therapy really was helping her outlook. “Sometimes lately I even come close to pitying him, but not quite.” She chuckled dryly at this, “New Rebecca doesn’t love him, and nobody ever will, just what he provides. Maybe— I won’t be the one who ends up alone after all. Maybe he’ll stay married, but he’ll never have real love, or true friendship; the type of friend who pulls him outside onto the pitch because he’s having a bad day. It wouldn’t mean anything to him even if someone tried.” Rebecca stroked her fingers along a ragged line of grass as Ted looked at her curiously, and it wasn’t just the heat that made her bones want to melt as he shifted to sit taller, left hand scrubbing over the emerging stubble on his jaw; almost a mirror of her own movement.
“You won’t end up alone, Rebecca.” Ted gave a long sigh, the side of his mouth twisting as she saw thoughts passing through his eyes.” I’m sure of that. Someone’s gonna love you stronger than this crazy hot sun we’ve got right here.” Ted lifted his gaze to the sky, and lowered it back to her with a blink, “They’re gonna love you in a way that makes sure you never feel cold, or abandoned, or lonely again. Love ya’ in a way which heals their own scars, as they take on and take care of yours because— when you feel that much for someone it touches everythin’ It changes the broken parts inside.” Ted’s voice faltered, tailing off quickly, and he flopped all the way back to the ground, lying flat with arms crossed neatly, protectively over his chest. Rebecca felt the urge to capture his wrists, crawl on top of his long body and re-wrap his limbs so they covered, protected them both, just the two of them versus whatever enemies they had in the world. A longing surging to plant her lips to the curve of his neck whisper that she was ready to love his wounds, if he could accept hers too.
Closing her eyes, Rebecca responded with an ache in her throat “And that’s how you should be loved, Ted. In a way where you never wake up in the morning, or go to sleep at night with any doubts, with any question in your mind about exactly what it is the other person is willing to give.” Her heart burning a song; please have been talking about me, please give that love to me.
“Big dreams.” He murmured quietly, his eyes softening shut just as she reopened hers. Ted wore half a frown as if in deep thought.
Rebecca’s own pupils prickled and stung as she laid backward beside him, thoughts of grass stains long gone, whispering, “Achievable ones, I believe.”
Their hands came together in a joint motion, reaching out to one another at the exact same time. Rebecca inhaled the scent of the cut grass, as she whispered low, “You and me. We’re going to achieve so many great things here.”
“Yeah?” He asked, a squeeze pulsing from his palm into hers.
“Yes. I really believe we will.”
They lay in a summer silence; birds chirping; the roar of jet engines in their final descent to Heathrow. The patter of droplets falling on the pitch, a relaxing lo-fi soundtrack for their thoughts, Rebecca’s entirely on Ted. She already knew it was love she felt, but Ted’s feelings, she didn’t take them for granted. At those words he’d spoken, she could feel a building, a rising crescendo; different notes coalescing into a harmony that she wanted to listen to forever, over and over again. A song that will always say; I love you, and I want you too. Don’t tell me someone’s going to love me, Ted, if that person isn’t going to be you.
“Hey.” He said after a while, opening an eye to look at her.
“Hmm?” She responded, thoughts slowing, warm and relaxed and on the verge of drifting off for a nap.
“Wanna go jump in a sprinkler?” He asked with some enthusiasm.
“Ted, no.” She groaned.
“Rebecca, yes.”
“I thought you were terribly concerned about the feelings of the groundskeeper?” She teased, “We might damage the health of the pitch.”
“Well, turns out he’s not here, and unless he’s creepin’ the cameras, he’ll never know. Look at all this—“ Ted sat up and made a circle with his finger. “Wouldn’t this have been the dream as a kid. Don’t tell me you never?”
“Oh I did.” Rebecca grinned, remembering the long summers of her childhood, getting soaked as the sprinkler dowsed Deborah’s pristine lawn; going inside and dripping water all over the carpets to her Dad’s amusement and her mother’s despair.
“C’mon then. Up you get.” Ted told her, tugging on her hand, apparently, neither of them had thought to let go of one another.
“Ted, this is so silly.” But she was laughing as she said it, letting him pull her up to stand.
“I know, but maybe that’s exactly what we need, a little more levity after the past few months. Everything’s been so serious, maybe, just for a few minutes we should have some fun? You and me, and your super-duper sprinkler system.” He beamed at her with such enthusiasm that maybe it was the heat, or the burning in her heart, or she just wanted to see rivulets of water sliding down his toned calves; but somehow Rebecca ended up on Ted’s back as he bounced through a circuit of spraying water. Laughing and gasping at the cold together like they were a pair of under tens, not two people edging closer to fifty, on the track to being more than just friends.
She was half soaked by the time they were done, shorts and top on the verge of turning see-through, fabric sticking close to her skin. Rebecca sat in Ted’s office chair as he perched on the desk, running a fresh lavender scented towel along the length of her legs. “If the aim was to get me wet, then I’d say you were very successful.”
Ted bobbed his head, raising his eyebrows, “I don’t know if it was the aim, but I sure hope it was a nice side-effect.” he told her with a gentle grin, a notable change in the timbre of his voice as he turned his attention to inspecting and running his thumb reverently over a small scar on Rebecca’s left knee.
In time they meandered back upstairs to her own office; Ted stayed to encourage Rebecca as she worked through re-tooling her sponsor pitch. Both sitting on the sofa in comfortable companionship as she made notes, and practiced her presentation on him until her delivery felt natural and he had the type of look on his face that made her feel even taller than she already stood. “Boss, right now I think you could convince this fella to move to the moon, heck maybe even Mars.” He’d beamed at her sometime after nine; the sun long set so it was just them and the silent, occasionally stomping presence of the security guard.
And when the pitch was successful, Ted was the first one she called - to his delighted exclamation of “There you go, there’s my MVP! To tell you the truth, I never had any doubts.” And Rebecca had glowed, right there outside a City of London skyscraper, Leslie looking on as she began an involuntary fiddle with the flick of her hair. She hadn’t always felt as if she’d had someone to be proud of her, but Ted left her without doubts. There was a new energy in the air, one where she could finally allow herself to feel some sense of accomplishment like she was constructing a better future for her team.
By that time in July, the season about to kick off into full swing, Ted was already becoming the first person she called on any topic not related to her feelings for him. Those feelings which had sat like a seed inside her, waiting to be watered, nurtured; given the sunlight of her recognition. A seed that had put down roots, blossomed and branched within Rebecca until they were as much a part of her as her heart or spine.
The shift began early in the off season. May had brought with it a strange silence. With Ted out of the country, Keeley so busy establishing her new business - Rebecca found herself surrounded by a discomforting amount of quiet, infinite amounts of time to think; her choices of the previous year weighing heavily on her mind. As a referendum on herself, Rebecca didn’t like the results. She also didn’t want to dwell. Tellingly she didn’t miss Sam. Touch, attention, and affection were still something she craved, but as each day passed she could see ever more clearly, a confirmation of her original gut feeling - that he had been the wrong person to seek anything meaningful from, that if they’d continued any longer, they’d just have been wasting one another’s time. Looking back she wondered how she could have ever have hoped to keep up with someone barely out of their teens for more than a few weeks. The difference in their stages of life laid bare by the distance.
The quiet amplified the sound of her self-talk, which had rarely been kind in the past years. Rebecca had distracted herself with some rounds of online shopping, tried to tackle all of those books she bought and never quite got around to reading. Beard had gifted her a curious paperback about Fungi, and that one she’d made it at least halfway through.
Sassy called, hinting in hope of a free holiday; Rebecca pretended not to take any notice, acted like she hadn’t heard the inference. It’s not that she didn’t want some Mediterranean sun, but the sight of Sassy leaving the funeral with Ted jarred something within her, and it was another scenario that she didn’t care much to think about, was trying to suppress.
The problem was; that the more she tried to evade her thoughts, the more they started to intrude until she was staring up at the ceiling just after twenty past three in the morning replaying a horror montage of her former marriage, her Dad’s betrayal, Ted fleeing the pitch. Rebecca’s heart raced, her stomach churned, and she thought in the midst of her mental self-flagellation - I can’t live like this. But sleep eventually came, and in the light of morning it was easier to pretend the problem didn’t exist.
Starting therapy was an impulsive decision taken in the middle of one of those sleepless nights, one where Ted had sat prominently in Rebecca’s mind. Nathan’s resignation and departure to West Ham a fresh wound to them both, beginning a flurry of messages between the two. Rebecca’s initial anger; sharp and flinty, dampening down when she thought about Ted. He was worried about her, and she concerned for him. Ted assuring Rebecca that he was talking it through with Sharon and that allowed her mind some ease. But it threw into relief exactly how grateful she was to know him, how his presence in her life had been an immediate anchor in the midst of a rising tide.
As they back and forthed, she started to cherish the sound and judder of her phone vibrating, and felt a little disappointed when she checked and found a message that wasn’t from him. As Ted shared the occasional throwaway comment about his continued work on his mental health, Rebecca thought if she could be proud and supportive of him for facing his troubles, why couldn’t she do the same for herself? He’d once been as down on the idea of therapy as she, but he’d been brave enough to change his mind. Rebecca came to the conclusion that for once in her life, she needed to get out of her own way. That there was nothing to lose and everything to gain from putting in some work. That it would probably be awful, but it might just be necessary.
She’d Googled extensively, found a promising candidate and sent an email to schedule an appointment before she could chicken out. She toyed with the idea of texting Ted, telling him, and forcing herself to be accountable but she didn’t want to alarm him. Messaging in the middle of the night did seem dramatic. She didn’t want him to think she was having some kind of meltdown, when in fact her mind felt clearer than it had in a long time. She could glimpse a path forwards but it was tangled with weeds and Rebecca knew that they had to be tended to before she could continue on her journey.
Rebecca woke up at ten the next day, to the sound of Richmond’s wild parakeets squeaking in the Green’s trees. She’d almost forgotten about her late night email until a reply confirming her appointment time landed in her inbox with a noiseless thud. When the day came, it had taken a lot of strength not to bail, not to head to Bond Street then Selfridges for some serious retail therapy. Several new pairs of Louboutins sounded preferable to addressing her inner self-loathing.But she was so tired, so wary of repeating the same mistakes, that she’d taken a deep breath and pushed herself through the door almost tremulous in her trepidation. More anxious than on any first date.
She’ll always remember the dress she was wearing that initial session, and the color of her nail polish, a switch from her usual French manicure to an all over pale pink. She’s not sure why she chose it, but it seemed right. Rebecca spent many a moment glancing to her hands, folded on her lap, clad in printed blue and white poplin as she explained her reasoning for seeking therapy. She didn’t open up much during that first discussion but she could see the possibility; the potential and it was enough to keep her on course.
Rebecca did message Ted after her session ended because she needed to tell someone that she’d embarked on this new project, and her intuition overwhelmingly pointed in his direction. She felt confident that he would understand. She sat herself down on a bench beside The Green so she could catch a breath, re-immerse herself in reality. Watching the world go by, remembering that life was larger than whatever was going on inside her mind. It was a quiet afternoon, the half push of a breeze toying with her loose hair as she let the late Spring sun kiss her skin. Rebecca nearly dropped her phone when Ted answered her text with a call, her screen changing from a reply to her mother, declining an appointment with Tish for the umpteenth time. It felt like the future was less something to be predicted and more for her to create.
“Hey, good morning.” She answered; sitting back and re-crossing her legs in the other direction, subconsciously angling herself towards the west. “It is morning isn’t it?” She frowned, quickly doing a count back. It was one of the few times she did, the time in Kansas became a secondary body clock within days.
“Sure is. Just past nine.” Ted responded brightly, and Rebecca hadn’t realized how much she’d missed the sound of his voice in the fifteen days since she’d last heard it in person, and a sense of calm that the outdoor air hadn’t quite managed to provide descended on her. It was like cuddling beneath a thick duvet in the winter, the cadence and timbre of Ted’s voice made her feel safe in a very specific way that she couldn’t put her finger on because she’d never felt it before.
“You’re not with Henry?” Wherever he was, it sounded quiet.
“Naw, he’s at his mom’s. I’ll go and pick him up later on— So, therapy, huh?” Ted questioned gently and she took a deep breath.
“Yes. It seems so. You’re quite the trendsetter Ted, maybe you should become an influencer.” Rebecca gave a half laugh, smoothing the line of her skirt.
“Don’t think that game was made for a fella who wears the same three pairs of pants every day of the week— Still holding out for that Tom Ford deal. What is it that Keeley’s always sayin? Don’t dilute your brand? Anyhow— You doing ok? In general, and after the session? Did you try and run away? Because if you didn’t then you did better than me that first time. Not that it’s a competition. I was difficult and not real friendly to Sharon for a while. Ask her, she’ll tell you— Wait no, probably not; patient confidentiality. But I’m telling you I was a real bad patient at first.” It was strange to think that this had all been going on just across the hallway from her. Rebecca wished she’d been more observant, less involved in staring at her phone. Thinking back to the distance, knowing she never wanted the two of them to end up that way again she made a pact with herself to keep her eyes on him.
“I definitely thought about running away, Ted. But this place I’ve been in since the divorce, since before— I’m tired.” She let out a huff of a groan. “I don’t want to end up in your office in a year's time, confessing something else that I’m not proud of. Twice is already two times too many. What if next time it’s something you can’t forgive me for? What then?” Rebecca inhaled and let more words spill out. “I don’t want to be broken in this way, and it scares me that perhaps this won’t work, it won’t be enough and I can’t be fixed and I’m just going to spend the rest of my life lurching from one fucking terrible disaster decision to the next, hurting people who I care about in the process.” She confessed quietly, her eyes dropping back on the blush of her nails. She didn’t know if it was because she’d already been talking that afternoon, and she hadn’t quite closed the gate behind her, or if it was because they had the shield of physical distance, but it was easier to talk than it had been before.
Ted made a soft sad sound, “You’re not broken, Rebecca, you’re not some kind of robot that needs to be fixed. You know that— you just need to understand your own mind a little better, clear out some of the thoughts that don’t make sense, the ones put there by other people. Be a little kinder to yourself. Y’know— What you’re doing is real brave. I had fears, same as you about gettin in to all of this, but you’ve just gotta be patient with yourself, with the process. Some sessions you’ll feel ok after, and others— yeah not so much. Sometimes it’s gonna be rough Rebecca but you’re brave and strong, remember that whenever it feels like a battle.”
Ted paused there, sighing lightly, “Look— I know I’m not physically present right now, but when you need someone, I’m still right here at the end of the line; not as a replacement for therapy, I think we’ve both figured out it doesn’t work like that, but for when you need a bit of company. You’re not goin’ through this alone. ” Rebecca felt her eyes get watery at the way he was being so thoughtful and kind. She had no label for her emotions then, no recognition for exactly what was brewing within, she just knew she had a friendship in him, deep and different to how it was with Keeley, Roy, with anyone else. Something more challenging to define; but she knew he made her feel lighter, tranquil inside; a safe harbor when the waves felt choppy.
“Ted, I appreciate it, but you’re supposed to be on holiday, I shouldn’t be bothering you all the time. What if I have a morning session? I don’t know that you want to deal with me at four AM at the best of times. I don’t want to deal with myself at that time. ” She told him, glancing to the ground.
Ted let out an easy laugh, sweet not mocking, and she could imagine him as if he were sitting before her, giving a lilt of his head. “I’m not taking a vacation from my friends. You’re not— I don’t need to take a break from ‘ya Rebecca. Feel like we already took one this year. Friendship’s not business hours only. If you call early it might be more of a Ted listen than a Ted talk situation, but, uh— there was a time earlier in the year where I didn’t feel like I had a whole lot to give, and I’m sorry if I wasn’t available, and maybe there’s someone else in your life who could do a better job, but I’m just sayin’ I want to be here for ‘ya if you’ll let me.”
Rebecca smoothed down her dress again as she breathed in, not knowing quite what to do with this new place of feeling accepted. “OK, but I don’t want it to be a one way street, Ted, where it’s just me taking from you all the time. I want you to know you can lean on me, when you feel able.”
“I’m sorry, I know you tried before, and I just left you hangin.’ Felt like I was locked in, and didn’t know how to open my own side of the door, but now— I’m workin on it’ Maybe we can work on it together? A joint project, where we both put in the effort?”
Rebecca nodded as if he could see her, then remembered, “Ok. That sounds acceptable. We probably both deserve a gold star for effort already.”
“I’d like that.They should make em’. Stickers for adults working on their emotions: Congratulations! You allowed yourself to be vulnerable with another human today! Hey, where are you right now?” Ted asked, and she could hear the sound of him shifting position.
“On the Green.”
“Your side or my side?”
“Mine, looking towards yours.” She explained, lifting her gaze and looking in the direction of The Crown & Anchor, not quite able to see the entrance to Paved Court.
“What are you wearing?”
Rebecca snorted, “Ted— what’s happening here?”
“Oh no— not that. Not right now— Uh— I just want to visualize it, so I know exactly where to send the real big hug which I wish I could give ‘ya in person.” Somehow she ended up messaging him a selfie to help with his visuals, a picture which was more dark sunglasses and cleavage than anything else, but he seemed to like it, and he sent her one in exchange; Ted not yet dressed for the day, hair still rumpled from sleep, the look in his eyes cozier than cashmere. A picture she’s looked at daily since, even before she was able to admit to herself that it was a scene she wants to witness with her eyes.
They fell into the habit of talking frequently on the phone over the next few weeks; texting every day with random tidbits of their lives, falling into the rhythm so easily that it felt like they’d been doing it the entire time. Glimpses of Ted’s activities with Henry traded for moments from Rebecca’s bonding time with her mother and Nora. She took herself on day dates alone - to the Botanic gardens at Kew; the British Museum, and a musical, and despite doing these things solo, she realized that she didn’t feel alone. Ted cooed over the pictures letting her know that she’d been overlooking the perfect companion to get out and explore with.
Really, Rebecca should have known it was love when he called her from some BBQ joint at midnight on a Monday, her time, and she didn’t want to die at the sound of Ted chewing on meat down the line. He was quiet, verbally, while he ate, and she updated him on her previous couple of days - finally having managed to pin Keeley down for a riverside cocktail catch up where she’d avoided discussing her new adventures in therapy, but had found herself bringing up Ted unprompted numerous times.
“Used to think a plate of ribs and a bit of brisket could cure everything.” He told her while taking a break from munching, “Called Sharon today. I’m dealin’ with the fact that this place— Kansas— it just doesn’t feel like home anymore. Been experiencing something that seems an awful lot like homesickness for Richmond. Henry is— but the rest of my life— it’s kinda clear that it’s no longer here.” Ted sounded more thoughtful than sad, but Rebecca couldn’t help but feel a jolt of guilt for being the one to pull him away from a place he’d been settled his entire life.
“You’ve been through a lot of change in a short period of time, Ted. You moved to another continent, switched jobs, and got a divorce. Just one of those would be significant. It makes sense that you’d be— discombobulated.”
“Great word that is. Well, here’s the thing. The conclusion I’m coming to, is that I like havin’ my roots buried in Richmond; for a while I wasn’t sure I had any anywhere. It’s actually a good kinda feeling in the end because it means there is something I wanna come back to. I feel like I belong somewhere. Just tryin’ to reconcile the idea of wanting to be somewhere Henry isn’t. It’s still important to me, this place, I’ll always love it, but feels different now to how it was before. Like maybe there’s a better spot for me at this stage of my life and I’ve just gotta embrace, make the most of that.”
Rebecca stretched out in bed, moving her legs through the smooth sheets, “Ted, I’m not the expert on this, but I think it’s OK to want things for yourself. It seems to me that Henry will be much better off with a Dad feeling at ease in a different location than one drifting, inhabiting somewhere that once was home— trying to force it to be again.” She told him, her phone set to speaker, resting on the next pillow so when he responded it felt almost like he was right there lying next to her.
“You’re very smart, Rebecca; because that’s what I’m thinkin, and I hope it’s true. Hey tell me more about your weekend, did you see your mom today? Or is that tomorrow?”
They chatted until she couldn’t keep her eyes open, until Ted’s voice was just a gentle lullaby drawl soothing her to sleep. He chuckled at her half-alert sounds and every time he asked if he should be quiet, let her go, she told him not yet. Rebecca woke up in the middle of the night to a message hoping that her dreams would be sweeter than ice cream, and they were when her subconscious served up images of him, smiley and steadfast by her side. A soft prelude before weeks later the steamier side of her mind took over and dream Ted became a frequent visitor to her bed.
As she worked through the past in therapy, Rebecca started to find revelations emerging about the future she wanted. The half shapes she’d been chasing suddenly found true form. Just as when she spoke with Keeley, Ted had this funny habit of popping up in a positive context as she spoke. Her therapist asked who in her life she’d shared this new journey with, and she explained that it was only Ted as of then.
“Because I thought he would be supportive, and not see it as a personal attack, as some failing in our friendship, because he’s been through it too— therapy. And Ted has been that, so kind, that this process— that I’m going through, while it’s for myself, it’s bringing us closer together too, and I like that. After Rupert, I’d lost all faith in my own intuition— I think I’ve over-relied on other people to validate my decisions, and Ted, he encourages me to listen to myself first and foremost. I’ve given him every reason to walk away, personally and professionally— He’s someone I wish I’d had in my life sooner. I think everything would have been very different for me, if I’d found someone like him and not someone like Rupert. I think Ted— has a lot of the qualities I’m looking for in a partner— He’s—“ Rebecca’s eyes widened as some pieces of the puzzle that was her heart snapped suddenly into place revealing a picture so clear, so vivid she couldn’t understand why she hadn’t seen it before. “Oh shit. Fuck. Fuck.” Fortunately, her therapist had a high tolerance level for swearing. Rebecca’s eyes had continued their journey to owl size and her heart had quickened and suddenly there was a whole new box to unpack.
As soon as she realized it, the fact that she was falling in love with Ted felt like such a fundamental truth, like something which had been encoded in the chemicals within her DNA. Right and true. She took herself home from that session on shaky legs, excited, a shade frightened, already wondering what if he didn’t or could never feel the same way. She had a friendship that needed to be protected; she was reconstructing herself with his support, could she survive without Ted if she messed everything up? Perhaps, but she didn’t want to. But with her new knowledge, the sun was brighter, the parched grass looked more vivid in its green.
Rebecca began to wonder new thoughts, like what Ted looked like when he slept, when he came. She hadn’t been in the mood to touch herself for weeks but that afternoon she orgasmed around her fingers with the force of thunder as she imagined him above her, lips and moustache in a luxurious drag against her bare skin. It had never been so easy to conjure a fantasy; images in her mind intense and defined at the thought of Ted’s hands and mouth pulling pleasure out of her, rocking love into her. A new ache forming which felt like it was going to be insatiable.
She’d always thought he was handsome. Ok, perhaps not always, not in the ridiculous dancing video which she’s become rather fond of because it brought Ted into her life. But as soon as he arrived there was something appealing about him; his face and demeanor; those gentle curious eyes. Then the gala - when he’d rocked in wearing a suit, that’s when she’d been taken aback by how attractive he looked.
She’d been lying there loose and breathless, thighs still sticky when he called. Rebecca was close to declining, a flush passing over her at what she’d just been thinking as if he’d be able to read her mind and know that she’d spent hours wondering about all the ways she could love him and how he’d adore her in return. But she wanted to hear Ted, listen to the intricacies of his tone; she missed his voice. Rebecca hadn’t sent her usual post-session text, and she didn’t want her silence to worry him. So she hit accept, and tossed her phone to it’s familiar spot on the pillow, wondering how on Earth she was supposed to act normal when recognizing her feelings had made the entire world shift. It felt seismic.
“Weird session, huh? Figured out something you hadn’t realized before?” Ted asked when they’d passed the pleasantries. He’s always been able to read her well, see the things that nobody else cared to see.
“Yes, something like that.” Rebecca twirled a strand of hair around her finger. “Not— bad weird. Perhaps a good type of weird, but I’m still processing it all.”
“You want to talk about it?”
“Not today.” She told him, biting on her lip. Rebecca didn’t want to rush anything, wanted to fiercely guard what they already had. Let the feelings breathe as they both continued to heal.
“Well then—Let’s see— So funny thing happened yesterday, I kinda got asked out on a date or at least I think so? Been outta that game far longer than I was ever in it— If you’re not really friends with someone and they ask you if you wanna go get dinner and drinks is that asking for a date?” Ted quizzed her, sounding bemused. Rebecca choked on her own saliva, and she never realized that all of her mental processes could grind so quickly to a halt because she felt paralyzed until she realized that Ted’s question wasn’t rhetorical and he was expecting her to say something.
She pushed herself to sit upright, back flush against the headboard “Yes, probably.” She answered, a little terse in tone.
“Yeah well I may have told a white lie and said that I had someone in London— It’s not a total lie, I guess cos’ I have people, but— Obviously I wouldn’t wanna get into anything with anyone here. Nice lady, mom of one of Henry’s friends. But not—”
“Didn’t she know you’re going home soon?” Rebecca wondered out loud, hand threading anxiously into her hair. She didn’t want to think of even the potential of him finding someone else when she was only just learning how much she needed him.
“Yeah I guess she did, well then maybe it really was just dinner.” Ted responded, still sounding lightly confused about the whole incident as if he wasn’t an attractive man who women might be interested in.
“Or she wanted a one-night-stand?” Rebecca said crisply, the possessive streak in her firing into action. She wasn’t proud of it but she couldn’t deny it was there.
“Hmmm.” Ted made a ponderous noise. “Oh no. I’m startin’ to think it might be nice to have someone, but not like that. No. I’d rather— Anyway— Anyhow I thought I’d like to have that time, save it to chat with you. Unless you’re busy?”
Rebecca gave an indulgent smile as she played with the edge of her duvet, “Ted, I’m quite sure I don’t have plans, because it will be the middle of the night, and you’re the only person who keeps me awake these days. And truthfully, I like it like that.” She added the latter part just in case he was wondering, just in case he wasn’t sure that she really had deleted the apps, left that era behind. Outside of therapy, she’d continued to barely think of Sam. She was on a dating detox and if she were to break it, it would only be to get serious with him.
“You’ve gotta tell me if it’s ever annoying or too much, Rebecca. Sometimes when I’m not with Henry, everythin’ can get a little quiet and your voice— it just reminds me of real life. Hey can I get a selfie? Or how about we turn on video?” He asked, a slightly desperate thread to his voice.
“Ted, I’m in bed.” She laughed, caught off guard.
“Oh. That’s early. Were you takin’ a nap, did I disturb you? Sorry if I did.”
Rebecca groaned internally, “I was just doing… some thinking.” She settled on, deciding it was suitably obtuse without being a lie.
“Makes sense… Sometimes you do just need to be… alone with your thoughts.” Ted’s voice dropped in tone so that every word rumbled through her with a pleasing vibration.
Covering her face with a palm, Rebecca let out a half chuckle. “Yes, you could put it like that.”
Their back and forth continued over calls and FaceTime as they inched towards the beginning of July and Ted’s return. Sometimes Rebecca would answer a text as soon as she woke up, and he’d reply and they’d end up in a sleepy hazy conversation until all she heard was the sound of Ted’s breathing, and an occasional soft snore. She thought they were lucky to live in the era of online calls, and not massive international phone bills because they racked up the minutes faster than a pair of lovesick teenagers.
“Not much on TV at this time.” Ted groused gently one night, sometime past midnight for him, the sun newly risen for her. “Did you know there’s a whole show about people's messed up feet?” Rebecca did not, but she did know about the one dedicated to pimple-popping, having been shown a video against her will by Keeley. An awful sight but somehow she couldn’t look away, “And now I’m just staring at my own feet, tryin’ to figure out if there’s anything wrong with them. I think they’re alright, toenails look ok, seen some real gnarly fungus—“
“I’m really glad you’re coming home soon.” Rebecca snorted.
“Yeah might be that I have too much time on my hands— Hey, can I tell you something?” Ted asked cautiously, his tone deliberate and careful.
“Of course.” Rebecca responded, interest piqued, rolling onto her side, knees bent into her chest.
“So maybe I’m being a big coward saying this on the phone and not waitin’ to do it in person. But it’s big and it’s heavy and I’m still workin’ through it all, probably always will be— But you’re someone— I— you’re important in my life, Rebecca and that’s why I think you should— why I trust you to have this part of me.”
Rebecca felt like she couldn’t breathe, “Is this about your Dad, Ted?” She asked, voice just above a whisper. He’d been giving little pieces of himself, his past to her over the weeks and she’d begun to understand that many of Ted’s hurts stemmed back to that time when he was so young.
“Yeah. Yes it is. You can— we don’t have to— Perhaps you’ve got enough on your plate without—“ Ted stumbled over his words and she needed to put his mind at ease.
“You don’t have to hide anything from me.” she reassured softly, “I have room for you. You’ve made space for me.”
“I don’t have much experience with sharin’ all this —- just with Sharon, recently. Beardo, of course. Michelle—- a long time ago, but I think she’d rather not have known, and she wanted me to just move on, push it out of my mind. I tried. Y’know I didn’t even give her all the details ‘cause I could tell that she didn’t want to listen, not really. She didn’t want the hard parts, just the positive sides of me, back then— and after a while, she didn’t want those either.” He sounded despondent, and Rebecca’s heart dripped with love. She longed to hold his face in the palm of her hands, look into his eyes and tell Ted that she wanted him entirely, with every bruise, each scar carved into him by the past. Tell him that she’d walk beside him on any path, no matter how hard or steep.
“Ted, you can talk about anything you need. I want you in my life exactly as you are. Don’t put on a front for me. Please.” She spoke softly, desperate to reassure him; the morning noises of the Richmonders outside departing for work filtered through the windows, feeling almost otherworldly as he went quiet for a moment at the end of the line.
“Ok. Just tell me if it’s too much. Just don’t want this to feel like I’m dumping a plane load of baggage onto you.” Ted replied, and she hated how this was an omnipresent fear, that he’d bought so deeply into the image Michelle had placed, of himself as someone who wasn’t quite right just as he was. That, like her, he’d had narratives pushed into his head by someone who should have loved him, but tore him down instead.
Rebecca hummed a noise that he correctly took as a cue to continue, “ So we’ve gotta go back to the 13th of September, 1991. It was a Friday—“ I know. Rebecca thought, her heart constricting, but she let him carry on - start telling the saddest story she’d ever heard, made even harder for hearing it from the person who was in the process of shifting her life from ice to sunshine.
She lay there and listened until the taste of tears leaked into her mouth and every molecule she was made up of shook with the knowledge of his pain. That he’d been through so much, seen such a searing, soul altering thing, it made her wish she could go back and change time; give him a happier life. She said it out loud, Ted telling her no, quite firmly “What if that meant I never met you? Say you invented time travel like in an eighties movie, got yourself a Delorean and went back and stopped what happened from happening, I think— there would still be an imprint on my heart leftover from now. Maybe I’d find you the same way, or we’d meet in different circumstances, but not at all, and something would always feel like it was missing. A part of my life not— complete and I’d never even know why I didn’t feel right. ” Ted sounded pensive, “What I’m tryin’ to say Rebecca like I said before, but y’know I should say it more often is— you’re important. I’ve lost, but I’ve also gained. Maybe there’s a timeline, an alternate universe out there where I lucked into having both of ‘ya. But in this lifetime I’m learnin’ that I gotta cherish the people that I have.”
Rebecca brushed away a fresh set of tears. “Ted— I’ll never understand how I was so fortunate to find you. Such an unexpected treasure that I didn’t deserve under the circumstances.”
“Don’t— It doesn’t matter how, just that we did find one another. I’ve been thinkin’ about this a lot all summer long, and can’t shake the feelin’ that my road was always meant to lead me to Richmond, and to you. This was how the story was meant to go, and perhaps it’s not a fairytale but it’s real— and it’s ours.”
Rebecca was so busy reeling, heart pulsing in sympathy pain from learning the circumstances of his father’s passing, that it took her weeks to recognize what he was trying to tell her; how he’d been laying his feelings out in plain sight.
“Ted.” She murmured, a tremor in her voice, “It’s very hard to have you so far away, when right now I just want to hold you so tight.”
He heaved the biggest sigh. “Save it for me? I wanna cash in on that when I get home.” He murmured hoarsely as she continued to blink moisture from her eyes. “Is that what you’d do if you were here, or I were there?”
“Extra, extra tight and for a very long time.” Rebecca whispered, “Until you get completely sick of my clinging and begged to be able to breathe.”
“Y’know, I’ve gotta dispute that one, sounds like the type of hug this fella would like all night.” Ted yawned. And while she couldn’t do it with her arms, Rebecca tried to with her words, talking to him until he found sleep.
Ted returned to Richmond at the end of June. A day earlier than expected, texting her on a sunny afternoon with a request to go to his flat as soon as she had a free moment. Rebecca had been at her mother’s, helping her sort through her Dad’s possessions; figuring out what to keep and which items to sell or discard. Despite the healing she was going through, the grieving process remained complex, and she’d planned on an evening of a long bath and a probable cry. Instead, she ended up bundled in Ted’s arms, and him in hers in what was a greeting, a welcoming home, but somehow felt so much more. Clinging on until she’d smelled the perfect scent of butter and sugar floating in the background.
The closeness they’d found over the phone, showed no signs of disappearing, as Ted lead her into his kitchen looking tired but content. Taking Rebecca by the hand for the first time, pulling out a chair for her to sit as he busied himself with making a cup of tea. When everything was ready, Ted’s elbow found the table, his chin propped in his palm, as he watched her in a jet-lagged daze like she was the best thing he’d ever seen. Rebecca crumbled the biscuits into her mouth, savoring the much missed taste with some affirmative moans that sent the corners of his mouth shooting upwards.
Ted’s eyelids drooped with tiredness, trying to give in to an early snooze. They went outside for a preventative stroll, wandering along the riverside up to Buccleuch Gardens where the crowds thinned out and there were just a few sunbathers, one fast asleep with a copy of that morning’s Metro covering their face. There they sat as Ted told her about saying goodbye to Henry, and Rebecca massaged his palms unselfconsciously when his fingers showed hints of anxiety.
“I keep thinking—“ She told him, ankles crossed beneath her black linen sundress as they sat under a tree facing the murky shimmering water of the Thames, “About how you arrived here in the middle of winter with so much on your mind— And everyone was so hostile; the supporters, the press, the team; me working against you at the time. I’m just very sorry for how lonely that must have been.”
Ted looked at Rebecca, giving her butterflies inside; taking off his Ray-Bans so he could gaze clear into her eyes, “I won’t say it was the easiest, but I’m startin’ to think that it was just a tough beginning to the best part of my life. Now— it’s not for me to tell you what you’ve gotta work on but that’s not somethin’— you don’t need to seek forgiveness, not from me. You already have that. But give it to yourself, yeah? We’re movin’ forwards. Kinda the whole point of therapy; not lettin’ the past affect our future. I’d say both of us failed in whatever we were aimin’ for, but we’re comin’ out better for it.”Ted shrugged, “Think you and I are gonna end up happier than with what we planned.”
“Cheers to that?” Rebecca suggested, holding up a palm in lieu of the Champagne they didn’t have. He clapped his left hand to her right in a firm high five. Ted gave a drowsy grin, patting Rebecca’s shoulder, “Can I take a nap right here? Five mins? Don’t be a sleep cop like Beard?”
“Ok.” She responded. “Five minutes.” She let him snooze for an hour, and whenever there was nobody around she sneaked the softest of kisses into his hair.
Training resumed, and Nelson Road started to return to life from it’s in between season slumber. Rebecca came into the office, and frequently took a mid morning break to lay out on the sofa, windows tossed wide open, listening to Ted yell out instructions to players who had come back still very much stuck in holiday mode. As much as she adored his soft, sweet side, there was something alluring about the firm directness of Ted’s voice as he tried to encourage the team back into shape. It stirred up something within her until she had to admit that it was a massive turn on. She closed her eyes and imagined him using his coaching voice on her instead “Get on your knees, Rebecca. Sit on my face, Rebecca. Come for me now, Rebecca.” And she lay there cunt burning, tits aching to be touched until either Ted shut up, the phone rang or Leslie barged in. The latter to who she explained that she’d been meditating. When her therapist had asked her to embrace and practice the concept of mindfulness, she was not sure that was exactly what she’d meant, but it did feel nice.
Going out together after work became routine; letting the sun dip down around them as they sat outside in fading light. Rebecca introduced Ted to Pimms which he liked and Aperol Spritzes which he did not. Roy rolled his eyes after joining them one evening, complaining “Ted, you’re turning into a posh cunt. You’re on a fucking slippery slope to having opinions on whether M&S or Waitrose have the best Manchego cheese.”
“Manchego? That’s the sheep cheese? Well I’ll try ‘em out and get back to ‘ya. Hey Rebecca, you wanna help me out with that?” They’d spent the final Saturday of the off season assembling and eating a ridiculous charcuterie board in her kitchen.Ted sucked the stuffed pimentos out of the olives, apparently without the slightest hint of knowledge about what it was doing for her. How she could visualize his mouth and tongue opening her up. Sassy’s glowing review of his pussy eating skills flinging itself to the forefront of Rebecca’s mind.
Moving around the space together, bumping hips, Ted paused to rest his fingertips on the skin of Rebecca’s upper back, tracing a quick pattern that made her want to turn and sink to her knees. “You’ve got tan lines.” He murmured gravel voiced, and she shivered despite the heat. “This summer— never knew the sun could shine so much.”
“Make the most of it.” She grinned, turning her head, and if they’d moved just a few inches their mouths could have touched. “It won’t be long before we’re freezing our arses off.”
“Gonna have to find some good ways to keep warm.” Ted raised his eyebrows, lips twitching.
“I think I’ll have some ideas by winter.” She’d smirked back.
“Can’t wait to hear em’” He glanced at her smile, met Rebecca’s eyes. She was still managing her expectations when it came to Ted’s feelings, but every time they took a moment to flirt she felt confidence build within her.
Long hugs and secretive hand holding were a habit, not one they talked about. They frolicked in the sprinklers a second time; spent an afternoon with Keeley, day-drinking on a terrace in Chelsea while Roy was out of town on a scouting trip. Their friend noticed a change in Ted which perhaps Rebecca had been too close to the situation to see.“You’re glowing! Are you seeing someone, are you in love?” Keeley interrogated, “Whatever it is, it bloody suits you!” and he looked flustered, flipping his gaze towards Rebecca and giving a nervous laugh.
“Thank you Keeley. I appreciate that. Y’know I’m just focusing on all the people I already have in my life, and the team. Wanna make this one happy. That’s the priority. All about pleasing the boss, all the time.” He bobbed his head in Rebecca’s direction and sipped slowly on his glass of Peroni. Ted did look good, with his own summer tan and a new sense of ease.
“You too, actually babe.” Keeley continued, fixing a searching gaze on her. “Something or someone this summer has been treating you right.” Rebecca found it hard to keep her eyes off Ted, a silly grin spreading across her mouth involuntarily when she was trying to be subtle. The adrenaline fueled nervous excitement surged inside as he gave an affectionate nudge knee to knee. Keeley definitely noticed, as she took a hands-free drag on the straw of her cocktail looking from one to the other, she was clearly constructing her own theories.
“You know what, while I’ve got you two here you can do me a favor and come on an errand.” Keeley told the pair of them, everyone’s drinks completely drained. “I’m re-doing the guest room and it would be helpful if you could tell me which mattress you think is most comfy. Roy’s been no bloody help, he thinks we should get something really firm and awful to stop people from wanting to stay, but I don’t think that’s very hospitable. Do you?”
“I’m with Roy. I think that’s an excellent strategy. Just buy one which arrives in a cardboard box. I’ve heard those are all the rage?” Rebecca snorted. She loves her Mum, no matter how strained the relationship’s been, but she doesn’t want her staying over and getting so comfortable that she thinks about moving in, or anyone else for that matter. She doesn’t want any long-term house guests, apart from Ted, but she wouldn’t be putting him in any bed other than hers.
This commenced a peculiar evening of visiting the upscale furniture shops of King’s Road. Keeley encouraged the pair of them to lie down and test out the merchandise. Rebecca light and girlishly giggly every time she and Ted rolled on a showroom mattress so they lay nose to nose. It was a view she realized instantly that she could get used to. She wanted to kiss those dimples first thing every morning, and trail a finger through the gap in his brows.
Pressing closer when their friend told them to cuddle up so she could join in, two tall and one small person squashed onto a standard double bed. Keeley snapping a pic of the trio to send to Roy, captioning it THREESOME!!! Roy texted back with You fucking idiots are going to end up in The Sun.
“This is not the one.” Rebecca declared after some time. They’d been staring at an abstract pink chandelier on the ceiling that she hated and Keeley loved, and Ted was sitting on the fence to try and please them both.
“Does feel like you could carve the Ten Commandments onto the surface.” Ted concurred, wincing as he sat up.
“You know who would love this—? Rupert. I spent years feeling like I was sleeping on the floor of a crypt.” She laughed as both of her friends pulled a face, Keeley literally shuddering with her hands by her cheeks at the thought of her ex-husband and bed in any context. “Sorry. I apologize for that image, but good luck to new Rebecca because he keeps himself so cold at night— You know in museums, they have to keep the temperature low to stop the artifacts from disintegrating. The same principle, except clearly it isn’t working. My former marriage it was, a very chilly time.”
“No offense babe, but you used to live the strangest life. I’m so glad you have us now.” Keeley gave her an affectionate pout, while Ted fiddled with the slim strap of Rebecca’s dress.
“Twisted.” He explained quietly, smoothing it down over her shoulder, an explosion of tingles fireworking across the plane of skin, “—but I’ve fixed it now.”
“Well, I’m not sure this is normal life either, by most people's standards” Rebecca told the two of them, “—but for the first time I really like it, my life, and all the people in it.” She patted Ted on the chest, sitting up, as always hyperaware of him, the closeness, the heat radiating from the body that she desperately wanted to wrap herself around.
It was a ridiculous time, but Rebecca couldn’t deny it was fun as they rejected more options: too soft, too springy, just weird, “Hey whatever happened to water beds? Remember when they were a thing?” Ted asked as they walked over to a different store.
“Everyone realized they were a terrible idea, surely?” Rebecca scoffed.
“Yeah, not to mention sex on them is like trying to bang on a lilo in a swimming pool. Not as fun as it sounds, with a high chance of getting the wrong type of wet.” Keeley chipped in. A very specific scenario which Rebecca couldn’t tell if she needed more information on, but decided against enquiring further.
“Ok. Good to know.” Ted’s bemused expression compounding, “Wait what’s a lilo?”
“One of those inflatable pool floats you lie on.” Rebecca explained, trying to suppress her laughter when he looked so confused she had to deduce that he like her was trying to figure out the logistics on that.
“Feels like I should make you breakfast.” He teased when they were done, The pair of them proved to be surprisingly mattress compatible, favoring the exact same medium-firm choice (that Keeley went for, so at least they’d be comfy if they ever needed to stay. She’d been threatening to have a party and get them both very drunk, and also play Twister for some reason because she wanted to see what it would look like with their long legs.) Rebecca was left wondering by the end of this impromptu expedition if she should get rid of her own bed, start again and cleanse the space of Luca and Sam, but she realized that she’d already had more orgasms to the thought of Ted than with either of them.
Rebecca had laughed, at his suggestion and said, “Well go on then.” And that’s how she ended up eating scrambled eggs on toast at nine PM in Ted’s too hot flat. The windows cracked open to let in an inefficient warm breeze, a faint sheen of sweat coating the top of her breasts. They sat with plates resting on their knees, the eggs creamy with the same butter he used for her biscuits. He’d fed Rebecca little pieces from the wooden spoon, checked for her reaction; let her add the salt and pepper to her taste.
“It’s going to be a lucky woman who gets this type of five star treatment every day.” She observed with slight unease. Positive evidence was mounting, but she was still fearful that it wouldn’t be her. That one day he’d wake up to some other girl and be fussing over how she liked her eggs, and she’d be on the other side of the Green wondering how she let him slip away, wondering how she ever thought she deserved to be treated so well.
“You ok?” He asked, perhaps she was being too quiet, maybe she was letting the anxiety show on her face.
“Overthinking things, I expect.” She admitted.
“Yeah, we might both be guilty of that.” Ted’s brow creased to a frown. “Today was fun. Let’s not lose this when the season starts. Don’t wanna monopolise ‘ya but—“
“You can, Ted. There’s nobody I’d rather spend my free time with than you.” He deserved to know that, that he made the boring moments bearable and the good times perfect.
“Really?” He leaned over, across the small space of his sofa, brushing a strand of hair that had fallen loose from Rebecca’s mattress testing mussed updo. Pressing it carefully behind the curve of her ear. Fingers in the slightest hint of a stroke against her neck. A touch that made Rebecca ache and pulse, for what felt like the thousandth time of that day. She thought about the two of them crushing lips; letting Ted lead her to his own mattress so they could fall together into a knot of limbs.
Rebecca blinked and bit her lip, “Really.” She watched Ted’s eyes light up like a sunrise over the ocean as his fingers moved to her cheek. “You and I might have had an inauspicious beginning, but I’m so glad to call you my friend now. Your friendship means everything to me.” Something indecipherable came over his face, the glow dimming by a shade as Ted let his hand drop back to his knee. Rebecca thinks now that she made a mistake in that moment, calling him her friend when she should have been making it clear that she wanted him as her lover.
The days ticked by, the season started - they were busier, but not any less together. It was as if she was the owner of one of those “Dot-to-Dot” books and she’d been carrying it around with her for months without a pen to make the connections, and create the bigger picture, even though all the ingredients had been there set out before her, she’d finally found the recipe. When she started her therapy sessions, she was handed a pencil and with that Rebecca made the finest lines - the phantom of an image coming to life; showing what she wanted, and what she needed to leave behind. Every day the outline showed more defined, but it was still in graphite; erasable, finite. It was possibility, not certainty. Then Ted offered her a Sharpie, black and indelible and carefully, she’d begun the process of tracing over, making those bonds permanent. A picture appeared that couldn’t be clearer, that whatever the world threw at them, she wanted to take it all on with him by her side.
“Just tell me, are you thinking of going on strike?” Rebecca teased, languidly rolling onto her belly one Tuesday. They’d fallen back into late night phone calls, even when they’d seen plenty of one another during the day. She and Ted were never lost for words, she was fascinated by the inside of his brain.
“No, ma’am. Your gaffer is happy with his pay and working conditions. Good call on telling me not to wear a tie today. I appreciate that, definitely the right move.” Ted had been at the annual Premier League manager's meeting, wearing a new navy blue suit that she was enormously disappointed not to have seen on him in person.
“You looked good by the way. Keeley sent me some pictures, the photographers got you on the way in and out.” Good felt inadequate, the sight of those photos had sent her half out of her mind. Particularly the shot which she knew showed him leaving a voicemail for her. He was as gorgeous as she’d ever seen him. The jacket showing off the breadth of Ted’s shoulders, the trousers fitting just right. If he’d come into her office, she’d have been panting on her knees; she’d have let him absolutely wreck her in any way he liked.
“Yeah, you like it?” His accent sounded particularly thick as he said it, cadence slow and sending her simmering.
“Wear it when we go to that event in Manchester?” She knew she was setting herself up, that she was dooming herself to being a molten puddle of lust but it was weeks away and she’d hoped they’d find their way through, that he’d want to know, feel every thought that had tortured her overheated mind for months. She’d never felt it before, such a potent mixture of desire and adoration for one person. Someone who she’d pick up a sword for, race into battle to defend then come back and sit on his dick.
Speaking of battles, “Did you see Nathan?” Rebecca asked, a gentle note coming into her voice. He must have, he’d been in the pictures too, in separate ones to those of Ted. He looked like he’d aged two decades, his hair a shock of white, a ridiculous gaudy watch sitting on his wrist, screaming “I have money now!” In the most ostentatious way. It was something she appreciated about Ted, that he had absolutely no compulsion to show off.
“Yeah. He was there of course. But we didn’t really— He was there to do his job, I was there to do mine. It didn’t seem like the place to get into anything. Had a few filthy looks thrown my way but that’s fine. Nothing I couldn’t wash off in the shower.”
“If he comes after you again, if any more bullshit comes out of that little twat’s mouth, it might take, you, Roy, and Leslie to hold me back. I’m serious, Ted.” He’d told her what Nate had said during half-time of the previous season’s final game. It might not have been for her to forgive, but she was furious on Ted’s behalf.
“We would, because it wouldn’t be worth it. Something I’ve done— Nate’s clearly hurting and Rupert’s taking advantage. —To see someone who you thought you knew, who you thought would always be a friend and now that’s gone— I still don’t understand how it happened. Where I went wrong, what I shoulda have done differently. It makes me question the way I’m seeing everything, all my interactions, maybe I’m missing something, maybe I’m screwing up with someone else. Maybe I’ll screw up when it comes to you, and that— Couldn’t take that, Rebecca, you’re too big a piece of my life now.” Ted sounded increasingly unhappy, his voice catching at the end.
“Oh Ted.” She whispered, aching to kiss his doubts away.
“Am I spiraling?” He groaned. “Yeah, I’m definitely spiraling.”
“A little,” Rebecca agreed, “but it’s understandable, first time seeing him since— I’m just glad you’re doing it with me. I don’t know what Nathan’s problem is, and whatever it may be, it’s not ours to solve, it didn’t begin, nor will it end with you, Ted. As for you and me— On my side, I’d never just let what we have fall apart, what we have— it’s too important to me.” The thing she was still terrified to define. She wished she was across the Green, watching the breath rush in and out of his ribs as she listened to Ted take a deep exhale. If only she could, she would crawl in the space between the bones and wrap herself around his heart, make her his armour, and as she listened to the soft sounds of a Ted entirely focused on her words, Rebecca thought in her late night haze, Can you love me when I don’t love me? Because I know I could love you through it all when one or both of us feels weak. Because I know now that I’m brave enough to be loved, and maybe I always have been, but now I know and that changes everything.
“Life without you would be like extinguishing the sun. I just need you to know that.” Rebecca told him firmly, chest tightening with emotion. “And you don’t have to feel the same, that’s ok, but I want you to know that everything felt very grey until you came and shone so much light on me.”
Ted was quiet for a moment, and she was scared she’d let out too much, made everything awkward too soon until he told her with complete tenderness “Rebecca— you shone bright to me the second I lay eyes on you— Wow— I just, maybe I feel like, for the first time, someone cares about me as much as I care about them.”
Rebecca gulped, “From my side, I can tell you that’s true.”
It was a masterclass in dancing around the whole truth, but as they rambled their soft affirmations, it felt like the night moved and they fell forward a few steps into something new.