Chapter Text
Six months had passed since the town had been nearly completely destroyed by the gates tearing open through the streets of Hawkins, the kids of the Hellfire Club still held onto hope that there was some way they could turn back the clock to save the ones they loved from the fates they had suffered. With Max still being in a deep coma after all these months, things were looking very grim. Even Steve, who was normally calm and composed during the shit they had been through was starting to go downhill. After facing Vecna himself with Robin and Nancy, and after seeing Eddie’s lifeless body surrounded by fallen Demo-Bats as Dustin tried his hardest to get a response from his best friend, He was starting to lose it.
The nightmares that plagued him, night after night. The cold sweats that he would wake up to in the middle of the night, all alone in the dark, quiet environment of his home. There were so many things he wasn’t able to bring himself to do anymore, like drink with his friends, smoke with Argyle,
Even though he knew it would have been what Eddie would have done
or even go out to get laid. He had been celibate for at least a year at the least since everything had started to escalate. Robin could tell he was no longer there mentally after the third month, seeing how he would space out in the middle of whatever he was doing throughout the day, even if it was something she knew he would have loved doing. It broke her heart to see her closest friend, the one she could talk to about anything and everything turn into something so… vacant.
Even the kids knew that something wasn’t right with Steve anymore, though they just chalked it up to everything finally taking its toll on him.
Six months wasn’t a long time for the small town of Hawkins, but it was enough time for Steve Harrington to fall from King, to just another Commoner in the eyes of the student body. His hair had grown out, and the stubble sprouting on his top lip was left untrimmed. If no one knew of Steve’s existence before now, one would think this is how he had always looked.
He barely gained the strength each day to pull himself out of his bed, and he probably hadn’t showered in about a week. His room was absolutely destroyed and he couldn’t even bring himself to care. But today there was something pulling at the back of his mind, telling him to get up, to get himself together for the first time in months. He couldn’t figure out what he was feeling, but he knew he needed to listen to it. It was almost like a low thrum in the back of his mind, the ache around the scars on his torso were tingling, as if reopening his wounds, but there was no way that could happen, they had all but fully healed and scarred up.
As he pulled himself out of bed his eyes drifted over to the two items in his room that stood out the most, a sleek black electric guitar and a denim vest that was carefully wrapped around it. He let out a deep sigh as he dragged himself into a hot shower and started to get himself cleaned up. After his shower the feeling still hadn’t gone away, it's like it was a constant tug on the back of his neck, pulling him up and through the day. Every time his eyes drifted over to the memorial of Eddie he had set up in the corner of his room,
at least that's what the kids had called it,
Something in his chest clenched like a vice around his lungs.
Steve knew he needed to talk to someone about what was happening, and the only one who came to mind was Robin, maybe she would be able to tell him what was going on with him. He made his way downstairs slowly, pulling the phone off the receiver so he could call Robin's landline. The call was answered on the third ring. “Buckley? I need some advice… Can you come over?” He waited quietly for a response, letting out a relieved breath when Robin agreed. Of course she agreed, he hadn’t talked about anything to anyone in months, and he knew Robin better than anyone, she would never turn down an opportunity to do something good, even if it meant talking about everything they went through in the upside down.
~-~
When Steve opened the door he was shocked to see that Robin had brought a large box filled with things with her, what caught his eye was a carton of cigs, and a bottle of bourbon. He didn’t know if he could bring himself to drink, but if it helped him figure out whatever the fuck was going on with his body, then he would be damned if he was turning down a drink.
“Alright Stevie boy, first thing’s first…. I can't stand looking at that god awful mullet you have going on right now.” Robin stated factually as she plopped the box down on his living room table. “Secondly.. I figured you would need these..” She stated as she grabbed the bottle and carton, setting them next to each other on the table between the two of them. “I didn’t know if you wanted like, a milder smoke so i just got the cheapest.” Steve shook his head as he quietly sat down, reaching out to pull a pack from the carton. He stuffed his hand into the pocket of his sweatpants, pulling a black zippo out so he could light up one of the cigs, his eyes flicking up to meet Robin’s as she stared at the lighter in his hand.
“Was that.. Eddie’s?” Robin asked softly as she took a seat next to Steve on the couch, pulling the lighter she had originally bought with the carton out so she could light one for herself. “Is..” Steve spoke softly, carefully setting the zippo down on the table next to the glass ashtray. “It is Eddie’s… Not was.”
“Steve.. You know better than anyone that he’s not coming back…” Robin whispered softly, small puffs of smoke leaving her lips as she spoke, looking over to the shaggy haired man that sat beside her. “We both saw him there Steve, He was gone..” She whispered softly as she got up and made her way into his kitchen, coming back with two small glasses with ice in them. “Trust me if there was any way that Eddie could have survived.. We would have done everything to make sure it happened.”
Steve nodded slowly as Robin set a glass in front of him, uncorking the bourbon to pour him a half glass. “I- I know Robs.. But a part of me feels like he's still.. There. Suffering..” He whispered softly as he stamped out the butt of the cig and picked up the glass to slowly take a sip. “That's.. What I needed advice about.” Robin turned to look at him as she stamped out her own cig and reached into the box to pull out a pair of scissors and a comb, motioning for Steve to move down to the floor in front of her.
Steve slid down off the couch and sat between her knees, his back pressed against the side of the couch as she started to try and fix up his hair to a more presentable state. “I keep having nightmares about it, seeing him down there, surrounded by bats.” He muttered as the comb snagged on a knot in his hair. “Fuck, Robs.. I can’t even sleep most nights, it gets unbearable.” Robin nodded as she listened, trying not to snip her fingers in the process of cutting Steve’s hair. “When I think about the possibility of him still being down there everything fucking hurts dude.” The hands in his hair stopped for a moment as Robin just stared at him, her eyes slowly widening.
“Holy shit Harrington.. You were in love with him weren’t you??” Robin leaned over to try and look at Steve’s face, her hands falling down to his shoulders. “What?! No!..” Steve sputtered out as he shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m not.. I’m not gay, or whatever you call it.” Robin laughed at him softly as she patted his shoulder gently. “Steve… You carry around his zippo.. Dustin asked for Eddie’s vest and you wouldn’t even give him that.” Steve cut her off quickly. “Because he gave it to me!” Robin rolled her eyes as she smacked the back of Steve’s neck.
“Just admit it, the once proud king of Hawkin’s High has feelings for the late Eddie The Banished.”
Steve grumbled softly as he shook his head softly, downing the rest of his glass before reaching over to pluck another cig out of his pack. “Why would I admit that?” He asked quietly, hand reaching out to the zippo on instinct so he could light the cig between his lips. “When it’s not true.” His hand dropped down to his lap, fingers curled around the lighter tightly as he blew out the first puff of smoke. “I bet you kept his guitar clean and tuned too, didn’t you?” Robin asked softly as she continued to snip at bits of Steve’s hair, smiling softly to herself as her patience started to pay off.
She watched as the corner of Steve’s lips twitched around the filter of the cig, a small smile spreading over her lips at the thought of Steve keeping something so close to his heart after all this time. “You know… I’m pretty sure Munson had the hots for you too. The way he looked at you was the way you looked at Nancy sometimes.” She whispered softly, running her fingers through Steve’s now shorter hair, staring to brush off the cuttings afterwards.
The two of them continued to talk through the night, the fresh bottle of bourbon only lasting them till around 4 am, and the carton half gone by 6. The more booze that Steve got into his system the more he talked, and the more he talked the more that Robin learned about what was going through his head all this time. Steve was struggling more than anyone realized. Sure they knew he was taking it hard… But there was a line between hard.. And being completely consumed by grief. Steve was being destroyed from the inside out.
She learned that Steve did actually have some sort of feelings for Eddie, but he had never given them much thought seeing as how badly Robin talked about letting her feelings out about the girl she liked. He was afraid of how wrecked his image would have been.. If he had even had an image any more. Robin realized that it wasn’t just Eddie’s death that was destroying Steve, but it was also that Steve hadn’t been able to do anything to prevent Eddie from being so reckless, that he hadn’t been there to take Eddie’s place.
That night was the night Robin learned that Steve wanted to be the one that died that night, not Eddie… ‘Because at least he would have been able to tell the story of how he saved Hawkins… And would have finally been able to be loved by the town the way we loved him’ She held Steve as he cried, harder than she had ever seen anyone cry, She didn’t even think Lucas cried this hard when Max had all but died in his arms. She was the only thing holding a truly broken man together. That was the night that she also decided it was time to find out the truth, all of the things that Steve had told her about his nightmares, and all of the feelings he would get after waking up in the middle of the night after his fever dreams. There was something off about all of it.
~-~
Three weeks after Robin spent the night listening to him pour his heart out to her, she showed up on his doorstep unannounced with Nancy by her side. “Go get dressed, Harrington. We have some place to be.” Steve just sighed and nodded as he headed back up to his room to change, glancing over at the zippo he had left on the bedside table. He was trying to distance himself from memories of Eddie after his talk with Robin. He had moved the guitar and the vest into the back of his closet, and kept the zippo on his bedside table instead of his pockets.
He snatched it and the pack of smokes off the table and headed back downstairs. “Alright let's go. Where are you taking me?” He asked as he locked his front door behind him, following the girls to Nancy’s car. “Can’t tell you that.” Nancy glanced over her shoulder as she ducked down into the driver’s seat, watching as Steve climbed into the backseat as Robin took the passenger seat. “Well why the hell not Nance?” Steve asked as he rolled down the back window so he could light up a smoke for himself. “Because if I told you, you wouldn’t come with us.”
Steve rolled his eyes as he leaned back in the seat, looking out the window as Nancy drove, and after about an hour of driving she finally pulled off the side of the road, shutting off the car. “Alright, let’s get moving.” Robin said as she hopped out of the car, stretching her arms out over her head, smiling softly at Steve as he climbed out of the car, looking around slowly. “Why are we stopping in the middle of nowhere?” He asked as he slowly, and cautiously followed Nancy and Robin into the forest and away from the car. He had no idea where they were, but it slowly started to dawn on him the further they ventured into the woods, and as they scooted past a break in a fence the realization hit Steve like a truck, his lungs felt like they were going to collapse as the deep forest opened up into a clearing where the old trailer park used to stand, now only abandoned trailers, and remnants of what used to be the Munson’s trailer framed the deep gash in the earth that formed just before they were able to stop Vecna.
“W-Why…?” Steve asked softly as he stepped towards the edge so he could peer down into the darkness. A part of him begged to see that eerie glow of the gate staring back at him, but he knew that was impossible. “Why did you bring me here?” He asked as he dropped to his knees, hanging his head as he pressed his hands into the dirt. His head lifted to look up at Robin, eyes flicking between her and Nancy. “After everything I-” Robin shook her head as she kneeled down next to him. “You needed closure… Steve, it’s closed.” She whispered softly as she draped an arm over his shoulders.
Closure? He had already gotten closure. Eddie was gone and the fact that he had his guitar and his vest was closure enough that he was no longer here. He had already accepted in his mind that Eddie was dead, but it was his heart that refused to let go. His body, his soul.. It all begged for Eddie to come back. “I don’t… I didn’t need closure Robbie.. I needed time.” He whispered as he shoved her arm off his shoulder. “Please.”
Nancy put a hand on his shoulder as she motioned for Robin to follow her. “Come on, let's give him some space.” She whispered, the shorter haired girl nodded slowly as she got back up, brushing her jeans off as she sighed softly and started walking back towards the path they had taken through the woods to get to the fenced off area.
Steve could feel his body shaking as tears started to roll down his cheeks, he slowly keeled over, pressing his forehead into the dirt as he cried. “Eddie…” He whispered softly, lifting his head to peer down into the darkness once again, leaning himself over the edge as he took in a deep breath, praying that he would catch just the faintest glow of a gate. “Please.. You..” He was starting to get choked up again as he leaned back onto the backs of his heels. His hand shoved into his jacket pocket to pull out the pack of smokes and the zippo, lighting one up as he slowly tilted his head up to look at the sky, the sun had already gone down a while ago.
As he closed his eyes he heard a twig snap from below him, his heart leapt into his throat as he dropped the lighter and started to scoot back. “H-Hey guys?” He called out, sniffling as he tried to stop himself from crying, the pressure in his chest was building again. He turned his head, trying to look around for Robin and Nancy but he couldn’t see them. “Nancy!? Robin?!” He called out again, another snap from below, deep within the trench caught his attention.
“Come on guys, this isn't funny!” Steve raised his voice, head whipping around as he turned in circles trying to see if he could spot the girls anywhere in the broken down trailer park. Nothing… They weren’t there. This time there was a low gurgle that resonated from the trench, this time a cold shiver ran down Steve’s spine as his body slowly turned to race the gaping rip in the earth, a very faint orange glow was spreading slowly over the opposite wall that faced his line of sight. “No..” He whispered to himself as his knees started to buckle.
The pounding in Steve’s chest picked up as his legs gave out from under him, his knees hitting the dirt once again as he watched a sharp nailed hand grab at the edge of the trench from the inside of it, the glint of silver metal adorning the bony fingers had his breath hitching in his throat. “No.. No No..” He whispered to himself as the sound of Robin and Nancy’s voices barely registered in his mind as the ground beneath him rumbled again.
His eyes never left the hand as it clawed at the ground, as if trying to pull itself up and out of the trench. He could hear the girls running up behind him, but he couldn't bring himself to look away from the man who was now dragging himself up from the edge. “Jesus H. Christ..’ He whispered as the man slowly lifted his head, meeting his gaze quietly before looking up to the two women who stood above Steve, who were just as quiet and in awe as Steve was. The four of them were silent for a good three minutes before the silence was finally broken.
“H-Harrington…?”
Steve’s eyes started to tear up again as Eddie’s hoarse voice was finally recognized in his mind, when he mustered up the courage to reach his hand out he gently placed it against Eddie’s cheek, barely taking note of the fact that he was ice cold. The second thing he noticed was that Eddie’s usually dopey brown eyes had a shimmer of amber in them. “You’re alive.. I-I knew it! You’re here! You’re real…” Steve mumbled as he reached out to bring his other hand up to frame Eddie’s face, scooting himself forward on his knees till he was able to wrap his arms around the older man’s shoulders.
Steve’s body started to shake as he broke down into tears once again, sputtering nonsense as he buried his face against Eddie’s shoulder, which was covered in dried blood and dirt. The girls shared a look of disbelief as they watched the scene unfold in front of them.
Neither of them spoke as they watched the way Eddie leaned into Steve’s touch, before slowly wrapping his arms around the younger man's waist. They watched as Steve let himself come fully undone as he buried himself deeper into the embrace that he and Eddie were sharing, as if no other thing mattered at that moment, and to them that was probably the case
As Eddie slowly ran his hand up and down Steve’s back, his nails caught slightly on the fabric of his shirt, he made a face as he slowly pulled his hands away, opting to rest them against the curves of Steve’s hips. “Harrington… Stop crying, you’re acting like a weak little bitch.” He whispered, lips curling into a cheeky grin as the other shot a glare at him through his tears. “Shut the hell up, Munson.” There it was.. There was the Steve he knew. When Steve finally released his grip on him he helped him up as carefully as he could, and he could tell that Steve was confused even through his tears of relief. He had a lot to explain to him, and the rest of the gang… But what would come first if getting cleaned up and out of the woods. “We need to get going, the gate is resealed so don’t worry.” Eddie said as he glanced over at Robin and Nancy. “Ladies.. Good to see you again.”
Steve turned his head to look back at the two, smiling weakly as he rubbed at his cheeks, trying to stop the tears from continuing to fall. He knew the two of them were probably beyond shocked, seeing him break so hard over all of this, but who could blame them? He was more shocked that the two of them were holding things together so well. “Let’s get back to the car… My house had been pretty empty without my parents around, after everything they wanted out of Hawkins permanently.. So they left the house to me and moved out of town.”
There he was talking like nothing had changed… Even though there were so many things that he couldn’t even begin to explain. Like the claw-like nails that adorned Eddie’s fingers, or the way that he seemed to be doing just fine making his way through the forest in complete darkness without a flashlight.