Work Text:
No matter how well-lit it was, nor how many security guards nodded at you, the hospital parking garage was unsettling at night. The flickering lights overhead gave the impression they would die at any moment, and though you should have been able to smell the rain falling outside, all you could smell was lingering exhaust and gasoline. Past midnight now but with hours to go before the sun would rise, it was eerily quiet. There was the occasional car or chatter but echoing, you could never tell quite where they were coming from. The labyrinth of concrete walls didn’t help.
Yet despite walking through it almost every night for the past few years, the parking garage was still as overwhelming as it had been the first time. You wouldn’t go as far to say you ever felt as if you were in danger but it was always an uncomfortable end to an already exhausting day. You would have liked to use the short walk as an opportunity to wind down but you always hurried to your car. You only let yourself relax once you were in it, the doors locked behind you.
But as little as you wanted to linger in the parking garbage you couldn’t bring yourself to get going. You hadn’t even managed to pull on your seatbelt and your keys were still in your hand, unable to get them up into the ignition. Coming off a sixteen hour shift, it could have been exhaustion but it wasn’t that. You didn’t lack the energy to begin your drive home but rather the motivation. There was nothing waiting for you there except a bed.
With how demanding your job was you hadn’t had the drive to date and having moved to Tokyo for this job three years ago you had fallen out of touch with all but your best of friends. You saw them occasionally but it was never spontaneous, always carefully coordinated around both of your schedules. And so as much as you looked forward to your days off, it didn’t feel like you were appreciating them. You would go home and then return to work a day or two later having done nothing much at all.
Somehow despite that, you managed to move. You dropped the keys you had been staring at into your lap and reached out for the phone you had tossed onto the passenger’s seat. It was too late or perhaps too early to call but a text wouldn’t hurt. You reworded your message a few times and though you were ultimately unsatisfied with the end result, you committed to it anyway.
Text sent, you tossed your phone back onto the seat and yanked your seatbelt on. Just sending the message was enough to give you the motivation to leave. You probably wouldn’t get a response for hours but the mere possibility of doing something on your day off was enough to get you going.
With a glance up at the rearview mirror you went to start the drive home but you didn’t follow through. Your phone rang out, though facedown you couldn’t see who it was. You were almost afraid to reach out and check. You weren’t on call today so it shouldn’t be the hospital but that didn’t mean it wasn’t them. As if it were burning hot you flipped your phone over quickly. Whoever it was, there was no sense in dragging things out.
Reading the number on the display, you snatched it up and answered. And yet though he had been the one to call you, you heard nothing on the other end of the call when you did. No words anyway. There was rustling, as if the phone were in a bag or pocket, though it didn't sound quite right to be that. It was too distant.
“Ah Toji,” you said, “I didn’t wake you, did I?” Even alone in your car, it was hard not to want to be quiet at this time of night.
Despite being silent until now, Toji didn't keep you waiting for an answer. “No,” he replied. “I’m still at work.” His voice was quiet but it wasn’t gentle. You were on speakerphone.
“Eh, really? They’re working you too hard," you murmured. You had never really thought too much about his job but it made sense. Just like you he didn’t adhere to the typical nine-to-five. "Well, I wanted to know if you were free tonight, but–"
“I’m just finishing up," he said, but while he had interrupted you it wasn’t meant to be rude. He was saving you the momentary disappointment, however brief.
“Oh, did you want to come over then?” you asked. “It feels like it’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”
“I mean, if you’re free,” you added hastily. You didn’t want to be presumptuous. Even though you had known Toji for almost a year now you hadn’t gotten much better at reading him.
You couldn't tell whether he was thinking it over or just driving but it didn't really matter. You got your answer all the same. "Sure," he said. "I'll be over in an hour."
“Awesome, see you then.” With everything settled you hung up and dropped your phone onto the passenger seat where it would stay until you reached your apartment.
Despite how you had hurried home, never speeding but pushing through a yellow light or two and rushing up the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator, when you arrived at the door to your apartment you hesitated. You couldn’t remember how you had left it yesterday. With a few longer shifts back to back you hadn’t spent much time at your apartment, more or less just eating and sleeping there. You could only hope it wasn’t too much of a disaster.
Fortunately it didn’t look too bad. A quick lap around your apartment revealed it looked lived in but not messy. You wouldn’t need more than a few minutes to tidy it up, though that would have to wait. More than anything else you needed to get cleaned up yourself. Even though you had changed out of your scrubs before leaving the hospital, the filth of it always seemed to linger, if not on your clothes then in your mind. You needed a shower before you accepted that you weren't still at work. Not even bothering to close the bathroom door behind you you undressed, dropping your clothes onto the floor.
Though you went to step into the bath, you caught yourself before you did. You yanked the band on your wrist and quickly tied your hair up. Even though you could rush through it in a few minutes, you wouldn't have time to dry it. You had underestimated how long your commute was by only a few minutes but a few minutes made all the difference right now. With more than half of it being taken by your commute, an hour didn’t leave you with much time before Toji would arrive. You had only yourself to blame for that though. You could have told Toji you weren’t home yet and needed a bit more time and while the thought had crossed your mind you hadn’t said anything. It had been too long since you had seen him last.
Not quite dried off, your pants clung to your legs as you pulled them on. Having just finished a shift, and considering the time of night, you would have liked to change into something more comfortable after your shower but you couldn’t bring yourself to. You knew Toji wouldn’t care about what you were wearing in the slightest but that didn’t affect your decision. You didn’t have to impress him but you couldn’t help but want to. There was some sort of satisfaction in knowing you looked good.
With your shirt only half pulled on, you froze. It was silent now but you thought you had heard something and you probably had. Even at this time of night your apartment building wasn’t always quiet. But before you could decide which of your neighbours you would blame you heard it again. With a grumble you left your bedroom. You should still have had ten minutes or so.
When you reached the front door you swung it open and though it occurred to you that you should have checked who it was instead of blindly answering, you were greeted by Toji. Looking down at his phone, he shoved it into his pocket. Having knocked twice already, he had been about to call you before you had answered.
“You're early,” you muttered as you stepped aside, letting him in. It was more a comment than anything else. Even though you would have liked more time to prepare, now that he was here you had forgotten all about that. Before he had even shut the door behind him you were already reaching out for him. You stretched your arms up and though he kept you waiting for a second, Toji bent down and met you in a hug. You would be lying if you said this was what you liked best about him, but you always looked forward to greeting him like this.
“I’m so glad you could come,” you murmured, speaking into his chest. “Work was awful today.” Your words were muffled but the hug wouldn’t end until you pulled away and you weren’t ready for that. As he had brought you into his arms, you had melted into him and you didn’t have the strength to separate.
Toji slid a hand up your back, settling in the small of your back. Ages ago you had mistaken it for impatience but you had since learned it wasn’t that at all. He didn’t mind how long the hug dragged on for, not in the slightest. He would have stood there all night with you and you wouldn’t have objected, but eventually you let go of him. As he had held you, alongside the smell of canned coffee and cologne there had been something else. Maybe you should have washed your hair. You had caught just a hint of blood.
But while the hug had ended, Toji wasn’t quite finished and caught you by the hips. You grumbled but you hardly meant it and let yourself be pulled back in. “What happened?” he asked. Coming from him it felt like more of a demand than a question but you knew him well enough to know that wasn’t the case.
“Don’t get me started,” you answered with a sigh. With that you stepped backwards and this time Toji let you go. He lingered by the door for a moment but eventually he followed you into the living room. You had never gotten around to tidying up but you hardly noticed the miscellany of things strewn across your coffee table now. Your attention was solely on Toji.
“Do you remember Yuri?” you asked as you fell back onto the sofa. Considering how rarely you had guests it was bigger than it needed to be, leaving plenty of room even as Toji joined you. He left no room between the two of you though, sitting down right next to you, and with an arm wrapped around you he pulled you even closer.
“The bitch?” he asked. Said so bluntly, you couldn’t help but laugh. You wouldn’t have put it quite like that but he wasn’t wrong. She had only started at your hospital a few months ago but you had more complaints about her than anyone else.
“I don’t know how much more of her I can take,” you groaned, but you left it with that. Toji had heard more than enough about her already. The latest incident was no different than any other.
“I get it,” Toji said, nodding pensively. Though his hand had merely been resting on your side, with those words he let it fall downwards. It was gradual but not because he was trying to hide it. By drawing it out he was hoping you would notice and yet even when his hand reached your hip you didn’t acknowledge it. Eventually it would have stopped being a suggestion and he would have pulled you up onto his lap himself but when you spoke Toji returned to merely holding you.
“Ahhh, and one of the technicians fucked up a blood typing today, so that was fun to deal with,” you whined. It had happened just an hour or two into your shift, what felt like so long ago now you had almost forgotten about it now. Toji simply nodded, sparing you the obvious question. The patient had survived but it wasn’t something you wanted to think about too much, especially not now.
“I need a drink,” you told Toji as you stood. His hand followed you but he didn’t stop you from leaving. “Do you mind?” It was only courtesy. Although Toji didn’t drink he had never minded you drinking around him, but even now it felt impolite not to ask. He shrugged, as expected.
Peering into your fridge, you struggled to find what you were looking for. It was a sea of white styrofoam containers and nothing else. You grumbled as you rummaged through them, searching for anything that wasn’t one of those boxes. If you had put the cans on the door you wouldn’t have been wasting time now but you had set yourself up for failure when you had tossed them onto whatever shelf had been empty at the time.
“Ah, I don’t wanna complain all night but you wouldn’t believe what a patient said to me today,” you called out. With the hum of the fridge filling your ears it was probably louder than you meant it to be. There was only a counter between the kitchen and living room. You didn’t have to be very loud at all. “He said…” You lost the thought as you took a second to decide between the two cans you had found hiding at the very back.
Can in hand, you shut the fridge and turned around. “He said that–”
“Argh, go on the balcony if you're gonna smoke,” you sighed, waving a hand at Toji. In the darkened apartment the steady flame of his lighter stood out. Caught, Toji turned towards you but otherwise didn't react.
“It's raining,” he said flatly. The two of you stared at each other for a moment before eventually it was Toji who turned away, apparently having decided the matter was settled. Until that you had been more exasperated than anything but with that casual dismissal it had crossed a line. You didn’t think it was that much to expect him to wait an hour to smoke. And having arrived ten minutes early he could have smoked before coming in.
Abandoning your beer on the counter, you returned to the living room, stopping in front of him. Again he didn’t acknowledge you, apparently finding the raindrops falling down the sliding glass door more interesting than the woman he had come to see.
“Toji, I told you I don't want you smoking in here." Even if the smell of smoke hadn’t bothered you it wasn't up to you. Your landlord didn’t want anyone smoking in the building and it wasn’t a small fine for breaking that agreement.
Despite what you had said, though Toji turned towards you and met your eyes, he brought the cigarette up to his lips again. You glared at him as he inhaled and then eventually let out the smoke as a cloud between the two of you. It was bitter, though it wasn’t why you were sneering.
"Toji," you said insistently, and when he still didn't acknowledge you you decided you had had enough. You leaned down and went for his hand but he pulled it away before you met. You hadn’t really expected to catch him anyway. You had gone in slowly, aiming more to show him that you were serious than to actually take it from him, but with no sign that he understood, you found yourself with no choice but to try again more seriously. You reached out for his wrist, but your fingers only grazed his wrist as he dodged it.
As you went in for a third time, driven only by stubbornness now, you went to remind Toji why he had come over but lost your opportunity too. You only managed to get out his name before he caught your wrist and pulled you in towards him. So focused on the cigarette you hadn't been paying attention to him. If you had been watching him you would have seen him tensing, like a dog baring its fangs before it lunged. Though without words, he had warned you.
As firm as his grip was it wasn’t that that made you wince. He wasn’t just holding you. However slowly, he was twisting your wrist. But as gradual as it was, your arm began to burn as you tried to keep it where it was. You didn’t understand what he was doing but you had enough sense to know you didn’t want it. Slouched over, he seemed just as unbothered as ever but there was something in how he was looking at you that you didn’t like.
Eventually you had no choice but to give in and let your wrist turn. With your palm now raised, Toji drew your hand in closer. Squinting at it in the relative darkness of the room, it felt like he was trying to read your palm. And though Toji didn’t know what he was searching for, he didn’t find it. He might have expected the hands of a doctor to be a bit more impressive but there was nothing about your hands that set them apart from any other pair he had seen.
Holding your arm firmly with his left hand, Toji took another drag from the cigarette. He held the breath for a moment before letting it out, filling your face with smoke. But instead of going in for another, Toji turned the cigarette in his hand, bringing it from between two fingers to between a finger and his thumb. Barely held, it swayed gently as it hung over your palm.
“Stop it,” you whispered. It was hardly commanding but you couldn’t manage anything more than that. The cigarette was still a few centimetres above you and yet it was already warming your palm.
“Hmm? I thought you wanted it,” Toji said, with a glance up at you. You wished he hadn’t, and had instead kept his attention on the cigarette. Every so often its heat would become a bit more defined, his hand drifting a little.
“Oh, you’re funny,” you said with a dry laugh, though you couldn’t stop your arm from tensing as he brought the cigarette closer again. You knew he wouldn’t follow through but the heat was sharp, like broken glass pressing into your palm. He wouldn’t dare. He knew how important your hands were.
But while Toji might not, you might do it to yourself. Your years of experience were the only thing keeping your hand still and even that had its limits. Between the full day of work and Toji they were shaking, however slightly. You wondered if he felt it or if your face said enough that he wasn’t even looking for anything as insignificant as that.
With one last glance up at you, Toji dropped your wrist. Not expecting it, your hand stayed underneath the cigarette for a moment longer than was needed. Pulling your hand towards your chest, you stumbled a few steps backwards. Toji leaned forward and though you thought he might be following you, he only tossed his cigarette into one of the empty glasses on the coffee table, your laziness this past week being the only thing saving the table from a scorch mark.
But while you had put some distance between the two of you, you didn’t retreat. This wasn’t over. As Toji stood nonchalantly, you tried to prepare yourself but he wasn’t making it easy. He was doing everything but meet your eyes.
“Get the fuck out,” you snapped at him when they finally met.
“You’re not paying me enough to talk to me like that,” Toji responded, quietly for him. But while he had spoken quietly, he had lost none of his usual intensity.
“Do you really think I’m gonna pay you at all after that?” you shot back. When you invited him over you had certain expectations of him. Tonight he hadn't even met the bare minimum: respect. The smell of smoke was still lingering.
“Don’t talk to me like that.” Toji narrowed his eyes. He didn’t intend on repeating himself again.
“Huh?” you exclaimed. “I’ll talk to you however I want.”
With a sigh, Toji stepped forward. You held your ground, refusing to move. Although you had had more than enough of him tonight, you felt you deserved an apology first. You didn’t think your palm was burnt but it hurt.
Toji stared down at you, and when you still didn’t move he pushed past you. It took nothing but the back of his arm, hardly even a thought. “Whore,” you muttered as he slipped past you.
Toji let out a breath, almost a laugh, though it wasn't. He didn’t stop and barely slowed as he reached back towards you. You yelped as you were suddenly yanked by the arm, sending you stumbling backwards. You caught yourself before you fell but even if you had fallen Toji wouldn’t have even paused. Dragging you behind him, Toji kept moving forward almost casually, as if you weren’t there at all.
Your feet skidded across the hardwood floor as Toji brought you down the hall but your socked feet got no traction. Nothing you did seemed to do anything. No matter how you whined his name or pushed against him he didn’t react. Although you had form, there was no weight to it, as if you were hollow.
When Toji slowed you thought he might acknowledge you but he didn’t turn back towards you. Nor did he come to a stop. Without stopping, Toji swung you by the arm, throwing you forward. You stumbled into the room, and even though it had been your apartment for the past few years, it wasn't until Toji hit the lightswitch with the back of his hand that you realized where you were.
Toji shut the bathroom door behind him. Although he might have locked the door with someone else, not truly concerned but as more of a precaution, he didn't bother with it now. A minute ago you had been so confident and yet now you were quiet and were as far away from him as the room would allow, which wasn’t very far at all. The bathroom was narrow, forcing you backwards, but even then you had only managed to put two metres at the most between the two of you before you had met the bathtub.
Hesitantly, you looked up at Toji. It wasn’t as if you could avoid him, as much as you would have liked to. When you did you found it hadn’t been worth working up to. His face gave nothing away. Looking at you like that, the two of you might as well have been two strangers passing on the street. But you didn’t need to see it on his face to know what was wrong.
You ran your fingers down your leg, following the hem of your pants. You had known you were crossing a line with your last comment and you regretted it, and had even before Toji had reacted. You wanted to apologize but no matter how you phrased it it didn’t sound sincere. The circumstances weren’t helping either. Even the most honest apology would have sounded forced.
"I'm sorry," you told him. Though it was far from enough to apologize, you had to start somewhere. The silence had become unbearable.
“Run it,” Toji replied with a nod. It wasn’t what you had said. You could have found the words you were so desperately searching for but it wouldn’t have done any good. It wasn’t the time for that now.
“Run it,” he repeated, though it would be the last time. He knew you had heard him. Your eyes had widened and you had shuffled back an inch further, your heel pressing up against the bath. And eventually, despite how long you took, you did turn.
Still wet from earlier there were small puddles spattered across the bottom of the tub, barely visible on the white porcelain. You didn't understand, or more accurately you didn't want to understand. You knew what he was telling you to do but you were looking for any excuse not to do it. Feigning ignorance wouldn’t spare you though. Toji knew you too well for that.
The steel was cool against your palm, though it was welcomed, your palm still hot from earlier. It ached but didn’t hurt as you spun the tap. Typically you would tug on it, letting the water pour out, but you took your time now, letting the water grow from a trickle to a torrent. It took only a few seconds for the water to swallow up all the puddles and to begin to rise and when you reached down and closed the drain it rose faster still.
The water rushing from the faucet over your hand wasn’t cold but cool, a far cry from the warm it should be. The tap had always been temperamental. Any other time you would have turned the tap a little more, inching it closer to hot, but right now you left it. You could feel Toji watching.
Even if you had decided to work with the temperature of the water you would have been interrupted. As you rose a hand landed on your right shoulder, startling you. You couldn’t help but tense, rising up into the palm of his hand.
“You have about five minutes to apologize,” you heard from behind you. Despite the rushing water, there was no mistaking what he had said. If not for the hand on your shoulder you would have spun around but there was no give to it. You wouldn’t have found anything if you had been able to turn and see him anyway. No matter how much you searched his face you wouldn’t have found even a suggestion of amusement. There had been something like that earlier out in the living room but it was gone now.
Watching the water, it didn’t seem to be rising but since turning the tap a minute ago there was already a few centimetres of water. Five minutes might be generous.
“Toji…” you murmured. As quiet as you were, you doubted he could hear you but you couldn’t muster anything more than a whisper. You could barely breathe, let alone compose yourself enough to speak.
You wanted to try again but failing to find the nerve, you resorted to turning back towards him. You barely got anywhere before you were stopped. His hand left your shoulder as Toji set his fingers against your cheek, guiding your attention back to the water below. His touch so gentle, you didn’t realize you had even been stopped at first, and had assumed you hadn’t been able to follow through.
Although his hand had lifted its weight, it might as well have still been there. You didn’t dare move, except to listen to him and look back down at the bath. When you did you found yourself thinking that you should have fought it more. The water had jumped several centimetres in the time it had taken you to fail to apologize.
“I didn’t mean it,” you offered, squeezing your hands together. “I was upset.” Your knuckles burnt white as you tried to stop yourself from shaking, but your prayer went unanswered. Toji didn’t respond.
Looking down you found the water had reached halfway, though that didn’t mean as much as it should have. You didn’t know what you were waiting for. It might only need to rise another couple of centimetres before you were out of time but you might be kept waiting until the water was teasing the edge. You couldn’t go by time either, having lost track of it long ago. It felt like hours had passed since you had started the water.
Another minute or so passed, and the water only crept higher, not that you were watching it. You hadn’t lifted your eyes from the bath but your thoughts were elsewhere. And as desperate as you had been to find the words to apologize, you weren’t thinking about what to say but what to do. Just as you hadn’t wanted to accept what Toji had asked of you, you didn’t want to accept what it was leading to.
But did it matter that there were scissors in the medical cabinet above the sink? Considering it was Toji you were trapped in here with, probably not. You hadn’t even been able to take your hand from his earlier. But even with that in mind, you weren’t ready to go so easily. Adrenaline might get you further than you would have thought.
Any and all trace of that determination disappeared when you felt his hand move. It was barely anything, but with the bath so full you knew it wasn’t a coincidence. You were proven right when his hand slid down your back, his thumb drifting in towards your spine.
“You haven’t convinced me,” Toji told you. The words were left to settle in for a moment but as soon as they had you were pushed forward. It wasn’t a thoughtless shove but something much more intentional. With the hand never leaving your shoulder, you were brought down towards the still-rising water.
As relentless as Toji was, you stumbled before hitting the water. Throwing your arms in front of you, you caught the wall above the bath but it wasn’t enough to stop you, only slow you. It wasn’t anything as brave as what you had been contemplating earlier but it was enough. You caught a breath before you went under.
The water stung your eyes and nose but it was barely an afterthought. No matter how hard you strained, trying to find leverage with the edge of the bath, you couldn't get anywhere. There wasn't the slightest give. You weren’t fighting just one hand anymore but two. Another hand had joined the first and was resting on the back of your neck, its fingers reaching up into your hair. Between the two of them you weren’t just being held down but held still.
As if that weren’t enough, with the rushing water just centimeters away you couldn’t hear your own thoughts. You couldn’t think, only react. There was no thought put into how you struggled, if there had been you would have tried for the drain. It wouldn’t have done much good now though. Your lungs were already burning, begging for air.
In your desperation you reached behind yourself and found an arm. Squeezing so tightly your fingers began to ache, you raked your nails across his skin. It wasn’t enough. Your nails left only red lines, not sharp enough to cut him. Even if they had drawn blood it wouldn’t have gotten you anywhere. Toji was watching you and counting silently and aside from that he wouldn’t budge.
The air was sharp as it filled your lungs but it wasn’t unwelcome, like ice-cold water on a hot day. Toji had reached the number he had been counting up to and had drawn you out of the water by your shirt. The wet fabric pulled tightly at your neck but it was nothing compared to how it had felt underwater. You were thankful for even the most laboured breath.
Hanging over the bath, you could hear yourself struggling to catch your breath and the water dripping from you back down into the bath but there was nothing other than that. Nothing from Toji, but more noticeably, no water. He must have shut off the water at some point but you couldn’t say when. The rush of the water had never seemed to stop for you.
Although you had known it was coming, you didn’t brace yourself for when you were thrown back under the water. Fighting it wasn’t doing anything except for tiring you out. Your decision didn't go unnoticed. Compared to how frantic you had been before, you were a little too calm. Toji watched you as carefully as he could through the distortion of the water.
When you were pulled from the water again and allowed to breathe, you couldn’t tell whether you had been underwater for longer this time or whether you were growing tired but either way you didn’t relish going back under again. You knew it was coming though. Toji hadn’t gone anywhere, his hold on you as firm as ever.
You flinched and swallowed a shallow breath as you were pushed back towards the water, only to let it out in a cough as you were caught, your nose only a centimetre or two from the water’s surface.
“I think I’m ready to hear it now,” Toji informed you. Without the water pouring from the faucet, you should have been able to hear him clearly but his voice was muffled. The water had clogged your ears.
“I’m sor–” Thrust forward into the water, you caught a mouthful of it. Though you didn’t try to draw a breath, the water caught in your throat. Your chest ached, wanting to cough and clear it but you did everything you could to fight it. No matter how badly it burned, you couldn’t let yourself take a breath here.
You were pulled out just as suddenly as you were pushed back down. You knew you had only spent a few seconds in the water but choking, it might as well have been another minute. However long it had been, you knew you couldn’t take it again. You were already lightheaded, all the different shades of white in the room blending together into one.
You gasped as you were dropped towards the water again but you weren’t met with the water again. Toji hadn’t pushed you in again, he had just let go of you. Falling forward, you fell onto the edge of the bath, knocking what little air there was out of your chest. You heaved out a cough, the air almost dragging vomit up with it but while you could taste it, it stayed low in your throat. The acidity faded as you coughed, resting against the edge of the bath. You had barely taken any water but your chest hurt as your body desperately tried to clear out what you had inhaled.
Eventually the constant, deep coughs settled into only the occasional quiet cough and when they did Toji leaned down next to you. Reaching down, he gathered your hair and pulled it behind your ear. Only half of it stayed, the rest falling back down in a clump but he could make out your eyes and that was all he had wanted. Slowly you turned towards him.
“Still haven’t gotten that apology, (name),” he murmured. His eyes almost closed in a smile, you couldn’t remember him ever looking at you like that before. Until right now, his smile had never reached his eyes.
Abruptly, Toji stood up, pulling you along with him by the shirt. You wheezed as the collar caught your throat again and when you did Toji let go. Trying to follow him and ease the pressure around your throat, you had begun to stand but when the tension disappeared you let yourself drop back onto the floor. The thin bath mat you landed on did little to shelter your knees from the tile underneath.
You were already being dragged by your ankle before you even realized he had grabbed you by it. Sliding, you took the mat along with you as you were drawn across the floor. It had been stupid to take your eyes off him. You wouldn’t have been able to stop him but what he did wouldn’t have come as a surprise.
In the narrow room, there wasn’t room for Toji to take you far but that wasn’t his goal anyway. He wasn’t just pulling you backwards, but using your leg as leverage to turn you.
“Toji,” you said, looking up at him. He had let go of your ankle but hadn’t gone anywhere, hanging over you. Resting on your back against the soaked mat, looking up at him, he seemed impossibly tall, and even when he knelt down in front of you it didn’t change.
You grabbed at his hand when he set it on your side but you couldn’t even slow it, let alone push it away. There was nothing you could do as he began to undress you. As much as your pants had fought you after your shower, they offered little resistance now. Even as you twisted, trying to keep them on, they were resting on the tile next to you before you realized it.
The tile floor should have been cold against your bare legs but that was the last thing on your mind now. Before Toji had even been rid of your pants he was already moving back in. It wasn't impatient but he had wasted enough time. Toji stared at you as he brought a hand up to your hip. You raised a hand to meet it but dropped it before you did. You let him pull your underwear down, though your legs were dead weight, making it more of an effort than it needed to be.
“I was upset,” you muttered, though so quietly you couldn’t say whether you really expected Toji to hear it.
But he did hear, and regardless of your intent, he replied. “Hmm? Isn’t this what you invited me over for?”
“Toji,” you muttered, but this time it was meant to be heard. He had turned his attention to himself, and for whatever reason it was worse than when he had had his hands on you. Maybe it was the anticipation of it, knowing what was coming and being unable to do anything about it.
Your chest ached, tighter than it had ever been in the water when Toji reached out for you again and began to pull you towards him. Though there was no arguing with how he was holding your leg, you brought the other in front of yourself. It was no more than a gesture, falling to the side as Toji leaned down towards you.
Straining against the tile, the grout scraped your palms as you tried to put some distance between the two of you again, but there was nowhere to go. Between the bath and Toji you were trapped. It would have been better to not have tried. The centimetre or so you found wasn’t worth it. Instead of chasing you, even for such a short distance, Toji pulled you back towards him roughly. You growled his name as he brought his cock against you, just barely meeting you. Shaking your head, you offered him a series of almost incoherent apologies but in response Toji merely pushed himself into you.
You didn't react at first. It wasn't that you didn't feel his hips meet yours or that you didn't feel every single inch of his cock as he forced it into you, but that you didn't know how to react. There was a reason he had always worked up to it. It was too much even when you weren’t taking it all at once.
It was only when Toji pulled all but out of you and thrust himself into you again that he got a reaction. Despite everything, neither of you had raised your voices until now, but as you took him again you couldn’t help but groan. There was nothing else you could do.
If it had only been once you might have forgiven yourself but another followed right behind it. No matter how you moved Toji followed, giving you no opportunity to collect yourself. Each time he brought the two of you together, his cock going deeper than you thought you could even take, you sighed. The water had cleared out of your ears, letting you hear but you almost wish it hadn’t. It was embarrassing. You didn’t want to be making noises like that, not now.
You set a hand over your mouth trying to stop more from slipping out but Toji grabbed your wrist and dragged it away. “I want to hear it,” he told you.
“It hurts,” was all you could say in return. You knew he was still waiting for an adequate apology but that was the last thing on your mind now. You could barely keep a thought in your mind, let alone recall something from earlier. It was taking everything you had to take what Toji was doing to you. So overwhelming, it was more suffocating than the water.
Toji sighed but you couldn't tell whether it was in response to what you had said or how you had come up to meet his hips for once. He had begun to move at a pace that was almost consistent. It would have been consistent if not for you, trying to avoid taking him. But while you were trying to lessen his impact, you were only making it worse. Toji wasn’t the one drifting. The occasional strokes where he came down in a way he shouldn’t have, causing you to draw a breath between clenched teeth were all your fault.
But other than for Toji to hear them, there was no need for those harsh breaths. It didn’t hurt, at least not enough to warrant such a reaction. It ached whenever he drove himself into you but while you still felt on the verge of being torn apart, it didn’t hurt anymore. In fact you couldn’t quite remember when it had last hurt.
You raised a hand, reaching up for Toji. You had to, even if it was just for show. If you didn’t, it was barely any different from any other night together. He had to know you didn’t want this, no matter what your body seemed to be saying.
“Toji, stop–” You choked on your words as Toji dropped his hand onto your throat. As tight as his hand was, other than the shock of being grabbed it didn’t hurt. He wasn’t leaning into it, but rather squeezing. Putting his weight behind it, earnestly trying, he would have crushed your throat but that intent wasn’t there. He hadn’t minded hearing his name or the quiet wordless complaints but he had had enough of whatever you were going on about now.
Looking down at you like he was, watching you with narrow eyes, you expected Toji to lean down and snap something at you but it never came. He kept rocking into you as if he had never been interrupted at all. But while you thought nothing had changed for you either, aside from the threat if you spoke again, it didn’t take you long to realize something wasn’t right.
Your body felt too heavy, as if you were about to sink into the floor and the bathmat was all that was keeping you from doing so. And yet while they felt made of lead, impossible to move, you watched your legs rising up Toji’s side, urging him closer. Simply urging wasn’t enough though. You needed him closer. Joining your legs, your arms reached up for Toji. You didn’t want them to but having made their decision, you were powerless to stop them.
Looking up at Toji, you found you couldn’t seem to focus on him. You had always found the deep green of his eyes so captivating but now, no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t meet them. Glancing up towards the counter above him, you found it just as vague and dull. Although you could breathe you didn't waste any air and merely mouthed his name. You hadn’t even finished his name before he lifted his hand from your throat, setting it on the floor next to you.
“Please,” you murmured, though you didn’t even know what you were asking for. His hand was already gone. But when you got nothing from Toji, as expected, instead of repeating yourself you strained against him, pulling him down onto you consciously this time. Toji obliged, bearing down on you just a little more.
As quiet as he had been, with him right next to you you could hear he wasn’t quite as collected as he seemed. Timing his breathing with his hips, every so often there was one that stood out as harsher among the rest. It would never go further than that. It wouldn’t have the opportunity to. With your nails digging into his back, even through his shirt, you strained against him. You didn’t need anything more than what he was giving you but you needed it not to stop.
Quietly, Toji muttered your name and while you kept quiet at first, eventually you returned his name in a sigh. It almost burnt your throat, an admission of what had happened but there would have been no denying it anyway. Toji had felt how you had tightened around him and how your arms had shaken in their effort to get more of him. He made no comment on it though. Trying to carry you through it, he was more focused on the floor tiles than you.
Eventually, in a matter of only a few strokes, no distraction would have been enough. You heard Toji grumbling before he jerked you towards him but it wasn’t nearly enough for you to prepare yourself. You winced, groaning yourself as he buried himself in you. Even now it was difficult to believe you had taken all of him inside you.
You sighed as he pulled out of you. It felt like you only ever got used to taking him right before it was over and when he did leave you were left empty. Or just about. You had forgotten to ask him to pull out, leaving his cum to run out of you and onto the tile.
"Toji," you murmured. You had lost count of how many times you had said his name today, but it would be the last time tonight. You wanted to catch him before he got too far. But while he was already kneeling, he hadn’t planned on leaving yet. He hadn’t forgotten about you.
The bathroom floor had never been comfortable but even given the chance to get up, you couldn’t. Your entire body ached. You could barely sit up, you wouldn’t trust yourself to stand yet. Luckily you didn’t have to. Toji leaned in and offered you his shoulder, which you took. Taking your legs in his other arm, he stood. Considering all the water that had splashed onto the tiles it probably wasn’t the best idea but you trusted Toji. Trusted him enough to ask him to do this.
It hadn't all been your idea. You had asked him to get upset and that was it. You hadn’t asked him to singe your hand nor drag you into the bathroom but you had no complaints. Or at least not many.
“I’m gonna get pneumonia,” you murmured. You hadn’t inhaled more than a few drops of water but it felt like they were still in your chest, weighing it down. Or maybe you were just exhausted. When Toji ran his hand across your back, smoothing it out, you felt you could have fallen asleep right there and then in his arms.
Though the first few steps out of the bathroom left damp footprints on the hardwood by the time the two of you reached your bed the trail had dwindled to no more than the occasional drop falling from you. Between your hair and shirt both being soaked, you should have been freezing but you weren’t at all. Toji always seemed to run warm.
When you reached the bed, instead of setting you down on it, Toji sat down on the edge. You sat up, resting yourself against him. You wanted almost nothing more than to fall back onto the bed, pulling him with you, but there was something you had to address first.
"You know I didn't mean that, right?" you said, looking up at Toji. You set a hand on his chest, running your finger across his collarbone through his shirt. It wasn’t soaked like yours, but speckled with water.
“About not paying me?” he asked.
“Argh, what I called you,” you groaned, thumping your balled fist against his chest.
“Oh,” Toji exclaimed quietly, though not in response to hitting him. He had known you hadn't meant it. You had said it so quietly, so reluctantly, that it had been difficult to take seriously at the time. He had only reacted because you had wanted him to. “I forgive you,” he assured you.
Although you knew Toji wasn’t bothered, what you had said probably not even crossing his mind ever again, your conscience wasn’t cleared. You could have said anything meant to piss him off and you had settled for that. You would have to apologize to him later, with more than just words. Whether that meant taking him out somewhere or treating him to something you didn’t know but for now you let yourself forget about it. There was something more pressing at hand.
“Did you wanna…” You didn’t bother finishing the question. You didn’t know quite what you were asking. You didn’t know whether you wanted him to stay just a little longer or until the morning. All you knew was that you didn’t want him leaving quite yet.
“Of course,” Toji responded, already coming in towards you. You laughed as he set a kiss on your neck, swatting him away without really trying. Your neck was already going to bruise. There was no harm in a few more marks.
Slowly, the two of you fell onto the bed. Toji hadn’t really planned on staying but he didn’t mind. Staying with you was better than whatever motel he would end up in, and more than that, he knew you were good for it. The two of you didn’t have to discuss it anymore. When morning came and he went to leave he knew you would have an envelope for him.
You made it easy to stay though. It was never not work but at least with you it was never boring. He almost looked forward to when you would inevitably call him again next, and to whatever you would ask of him. Almost. He wouldn’t get carried away.