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Sansa sighed and fixed her eyes on the ceiling above her head, not that she could make it out in the dark, but she knew it was there. She desperately wanted to roll over in bed but she was unable to move herself. She couldn’t believe she was so fat she couldn’t even roll over in bed. To make it worse the baby in her belly was kicking at her insides. Oh why couldn’t the child sleep when she wanted to? She sighed again as tears prickled at the back of her eyes. She was so uncomfortable.
“What’s wrong little bird? Have your pains started?” Her sigh must have woken Sandor as she’d secretly hoped it would.
“No, I’m just so uncomfortable and I can’t move.” She choked back a sob. She wanted this baby, truly she did but this discomfort was getting to her. This second pregnancy seemed much harder than the first.
“Do you want to lie on your side?”
“Please.” She felt his hands on her as he rolled her onto her side. She didn’t even need to tell him what to do. He rolled her and positioned a pillow under her belly and another between her legs and snuggled into her back. Gods how she craved his gentle touch. But she flinched at the clear evidence of his arousal pressed into her back.
“What’s that?”
“Just ignore it, it’ll be gone soon enough.”
“How can you desire me like this – all fat and swollen?”
“You are the most beautiful woman in the Seven Kingdoms. And you’re not fat, you’re swollen with my child and I find that exceptionally arousing. Not to mention your teats - which I love ordinarily -are fucking huge when you’re pregnant.” She feels his hand snake over her side and if he’d reached for her breasts Sansa was ready to elbow him in the ribs but instead he rests his hand on her belly and she feels their child’s movements still under his hand.
“You know we can’t-”
“I know little bird. It’ll be months before I can make love to you again but it’ll be worth the wait for us both, that I promise you.”
“Sandor – you won’t-?”
“No I won’t. I want no one else Sansa. You are everything to me. I would never risk what we have Sansa. Never. I have kept my promise to you. I have been only yours since the day we married. I love you and only you.”
“As I love you. I can’t sleep. Would you talk to me for awhile?”
“What do you want to talk about?”
“Let’s talk about the baby. It’s almost here.”
“Very well. What do you want this time a boy or a girl?” He asks, as he plants a kiss on her hair.
“I haven’t changed my mind since the last time you asked me. I want another boy for Ned to play with and I think we should name him-”
“Not Robb.”
“You’re always too hard on Robb.”
“Not too hard on him. Just angry with him for not coming to save you. Anyway – we’ve got to leave some family names for your brothers and sister – no doubt one or more of them will want a Robb. They’ve already missed out on having an Eddard - I doubt the family could accommodate a third.”
“I don’t know. There might be room for an Eddard Stark, alongside our Eddard Clegane and Jon’s Eddard Targaryen. Maybe Bran will have a Robb. I can guess what Arya will name her sons if she ever marries-”
“Her eldest will be a Jon of course.”
“And she’ll name her second for you.”
“She won’t.”
“Trust me she will. Unless we use the name first.”
“No. I’m not going to be one of those men that name their sons after themselves.”
“What about your side? What was your father’s name?”
“No Clegane names.”
“You know everything about me and my family –living and dead and I don’t even know your father’s name. I am a terrible wife.”
“My father died before you were born.”
“And even when I ask you his name you still won’t tell me.”
“His name was fucking Gregor wasn’t it?”
“Oh no my love, that’s terrible,” Sansa says although her giggles give the lie to her words.
“It is isn’t it?” He says struggling to hold back his own amusement, there was a time he would never have been able to laugh about this.
“Oh my darling you are so subtle sometimes, I should have realized you’d all ready told me. I suppose your grandfather was a Gregor too. Definitely no Clegane names, I promise you. So what do you want a boy or a girl?”
“It seems one of us is doomed to disappointment because I want a girl.”
“You’re just saying that to disagree with me. Men never want girls.”
“You should know by now that I am different from other men. I want a girl with your hair and your eyes and a sweet singing voice. She’ll be as pretty and clever as her mother and we’ll love her and protect her and give her the kind of life that you should have had. We’ll let her marry for love.”
“Sometimes girls don’t make the best choices about love.”
“We’ll teach her to be very discerning – to judge people by their deeds not their words or their looks.”
“We should call her Lyanna – Jon would like that.”
“No. No naming our daughter after Stark’s with tragic fates.”
“That rather limits our choices. We could name her in honour of the queen I suppose. It might help relations between our houses.”
“No. Just pick something pretty. You’ll like to have a daughter.”
“I don’t know if I will. I don’t think I could stop myself being afraid for her. The world is such a dangerous place.”
“That it is, but you do well enough with Ned.”
“I’m sorry,” she reaches a hand behind her to stroke his scars, “sometimes I forget that the world is a dangerous place for little boys too. Sandor, do you really think about the kind of life I should have had?”
“Of course I do. All kittens and rainbows.”
“Be serious! You know I prefer puppies.”
“Sansa, you are a great lady and you deserved a better life. One where your parents and Robb were around to watch you grow. A life where you were always loved and protected. Where you grew up and your father made you a marriage worthy of your beauty and position to the oldest son of a great lord. Your husband would have been kind to you and believed himself the luckiest man in the world to have you for a wife.”
“You’ve thought about it a lot then?”
“Some.”
“Do you think I wish my life had been different? Of course I wish my parents and Robb were alive BUT I would never wish I had married someone else. If I had married the son of some great lord I would still be playing the role my Septa taught me. I could never have loved him the way I love you because he could never have loved me the way you do. You never want me to be anyone but myself – all of myself even the awful parts.”
“Little bird – you have no awful parts.”
“I have a temper.”
“I love your temper.”
“I’m jealous.”
“I like that too. Makes me feel desirable...can’t say I ever felt like that before. Like another woman would even look at me?”
“I killed a man.”
“A man who deserved it. And if any other whoreson dares attack you when I’m not around I hope you’ll do it again. Knowing you can gives me some measure of peace, means I don’t have to spend every second of the damn day worried something might happen to you.”
“I could let you pick the name this time.”
“What do I know about picking names?”
“I’m sure you have ideas...”
“We could name her after your sister.”
“Arya? I think that's a great idea.”