Chapter Text
ya like jazz
(venti!! added xiao, kazuha, Aether, Sucrose <3, lumine, and Jean to the chat.)
venti!!: wassup
Aether: venti
Aether: really
venti!!: yes
venti!!: really
xiao: fun fact: this is the first non-school-related group chat i’ve ever been added to.
venti!!: awww well you’re in one now!
xiao: . . . i was going to say i want to keep it that way
venti!!: you antisocial punk
Sucrose <3: who are all these people,,,? sorry i’m just a freshman and i’m not good with names ahahah
venti!!: i’m the dude with the braids that everyone always makes fun of lol
Sucrose <3: oh!! yeah i know you!
xiao: i’m his friend (unfortunately)
Sucrose <3: dark green hair right?
xiao: that’s the one
kazuha: i helped you find your class on the first day of school right?
Sucrose <3: oh yes! thank you for that btw
kazuha: yeah np
Jean: Hello :) What is this group chat? Is it for a school project?
venti!!: nope just for fun!!
Jean: Oh, I see. Did I get added by accident? I’m not close with any of the people on the list.
venti!!: honestly i just added random people LMFAO
venti!!: (and xiao because we’re besties)
xiao: no we’re not
venti!!: yes we are
xiao: no
venti!!: yes
xiao: no
venti!!: YES-
Jean: GUYS
venti!!: sorry
venti!!: anyway dear lumine where are you
lumine: i’ve just been silently reading all of the messages haha
Aether: dear lumine where are you actually (dinner is ready)
lumine: at xiao’s house
venti!!: oOOOOHHHHH
kazuha: did i miss something are you two dating
xiao: no
lumine: no
venti!!: wow thats pathetic
xiao: dude
venti!!: YALL ARENT TOGETHER YET
lumine: wtf
xiao: wtf
venti!!: you even texted wtf at the same time. match made in celestia guys
xiao: BRO
venti!!: ok ok fine whatever
kazuha: so. are you two just sitting next to each other and messaging the group chat?
lumine: pretty much lol
venti!!: COUGHpatheticCOUGH
xiao: everything is pathetic to you.
venti!!: no only your love life my dear xiao <3
xiao: gee thanks
venti!!: ANYWAY what’s new with the rest of you guys
kazuha: there are still only two members in the poetry club. what a shame it is / for a group with so much hope / to lose all their faith
lumine: bro really just wrote a whole haiku in the gc
kazuha: to prove my loyalty to the sad little poetry club
venti!!: CAN I PLEASE JOIN YOU? ADD ONE TO THE TWO?
kazuha: fr?
venti!!: of course i am serious! you must be delirious.
kazuha: it is with great joy / we welcome a new member / to our little club.
venti!!: that sounds great! must be fate. see you in school, you loveable fool.
kazuha: i agree with everything but the last word.
Aether: You broke the poetry chain, Kazu
kazuha: oh. sorry
venti!!: wait hold on who’s the other person in the poetry club
kazuha: xingqiu
venti!!: OH never mind then
kazuha: DUDE
venti!!: i’m just kidding LMFAO i like xingqiu
venti!!: questionable haircut tho
venti!!: and very gay
Aether: You’re one to talk Venti
venti!!: JCEHWKJ HEY
venti!!: i’m not THAT gay
xiao: yes you are
venti!!:
lumine: aether knows from experience
Jean: Aether??
venti!!: LUMINE
lumine: im just spitting facts yall
venti!!: listen guys i am BISEXUAL
xiao: aether doesn’t seem to think so
venti!!: xiAO??!??!
kazuha: i wonder where aether went lmfao
Aether: I am silently crying
venti!!: see????? aether agrees that this is stupid
Aether: YOU’RE stupid
venti!!: ?!?!?
kazuha: lmfao burn
Sucrose <3: You guys 😭
venti!!: you say ‘you guysss 😭’ as if YOU’RE not gay
Sucrose <3: i
venti!!: YOU’RE LITERALLY DATING ROSARIA
Sucrose <3: HDJAHD
lumine: WAIT are you really??
Sucrose <3: NO 😭😭😭
kazuha: the crying emojis indicate that you want to be dating rosaria
Sucrose <3: not you too kazuha 😭😭😭😭
venti!!: kazuha are YOU gay too
kazuha: honestly idk wtf i am
xiao: valid
xiao: anyway i’m probably the only straight one here
Jean: I beg to differ
xiao: lisa??
Jean: I no longer beg to differ
lumine: i’m panner than a mf frying pan
Aether: so true sis slay
kazuha: kinda weird how this turned from a normal group chat to everyone comparing their gayness
venti!!: normal day in the life of confused high schoolers
Aether: Lumine my dear Sister
lumine: yes dear Brother
Aether: I said dinner was ready it’s getting cold now
lumine: and i said i was at xiaos house
Aether: i made easy mac n cheese
lumine: DUDE
Aether: i’m just kidding i made chicken alfredo
lumine: xiao i’m sorry to say this but
xiao: go
lumine: ok bye
venti!!: you keep talking to xiao as if you’re not literally right next to each other
xiao: you keep talking to us as if we care
venti!!: OUCH
Jean: Sorry everyone’s being so rude Venti
venti!!: it’s whatyever
venti!!:
venti!!: i was ngl waiting for some kind of punch line but it never came
Sucrose <3: jean and i are the only nice ones :)
lumine: hello???
venti!!: you said i was in love with aether
lumine: no i didn’t
venti!!: you implied it
lumine: fair point
Jean: Alright, I’m going to turn my notifications off for a while since I have homework to do :)
Sucrose <3: bye!!
Aether: see you later :)
venti!!: speaking of homework why does ms katheryne always give us so much of it. all of her assignments make me want to bang my head on a wall and cry
Sucrose <3: if you want help i can help!!
venti!!: YOU ARE A SAINT SUCROSE THANK YOU
kazuha: could you like. maybe help me too
Sucrose <3: sure :)
kazuha: thank you my life is saved
xiao: ms. katheryne’s assignments aren’t even that hard though??
venti!!: ha. smart person problems. must be nice
xiao: oh
heizou: what up punks
venti!!: who tf is heizou and how did he get into our chat??
heizou: hehehehehehehehheehehe
lumine: i’m scared
heizou: i added myself :)
venti!!: wh
heizou: i’m new at teyvat high school
Aether: You moved here in the middle of the school year?
heizou: yup
venti!!: well i would say nice to meet you but you just randomly barged into our group chat
venti!!: and i still have no idea how you did it
heizou: i like tech stuff and programming and whatnot
venti!!: that’s not an explanation heizou
xiao: what do you look like maybe i’ve seen you
heizou: swag
xiao: wow. that’s a great description
heizou: ikr
Jean: I’m even on the student council and I have no idea who you are. Are you sure you go to Teyvat High School?
kazuha: i thought you turned your notifs off jean?
Jean: I’m back.
kazuha: oh um ok i guess
Jean: Anyway, Heizou?
heizou: yeah i started yesterday
Jean: . . . Huh.
heizou: if you really want to know i have dark red hair and green eyes
Sucrose <3: are you by chance related to someone named rosaria?
venti!!: ha simp
Sucrose <3: HDHAKDH i’m just curious
heizou: i have no clue who rosaria is so nope!
heizou: anyway if you want a formal introduction
heizou: the name’s shikanoin heizou, detective extraordinaire and the swaggiest person alive
venti!!: are you implying that someone swaggier than you is dead
venti!!: did you kill them
heizou: wtf
heizou: ok anyway
heizou: my deductions about you guys are thus:
heizou: ‘venti!!’ has issues
venti!!: hEY
heizou: Jean is responsible and actually took english class seriously
heizou: Sucrose <3 is a sweetheart
Sucrose <3: NDHAkjdjfhdsjn awww thank you!!
heizou: lumine is a savage
heizou: Aether is short
Aether: what??
heizou: i said what i said
Aether: how would you possibly be able to deduct that
heizou: are you though?
lumine: he’s shorter than the lifespan of the swag person you killed
heizou: see? savage.
heizou: also lumine and aether are siblings
xiao: well, that one was obvious.
heizou: and xiao is a depressed emo
xiao: w h
venti!!: LMFAO GET EM
xiao: i’m not
venti!!: you are
xiao: ??????
heizou: and you’re short too
xiao: i
kazuha: eMotional dAmage
xiao: says the short one
venti!!: yeah kazuha says the short one
kazuha: venti i’m literally taller than you
heizou: so you’re all short lmao
lumine: i bet you are too
heizou:
lumine: lmfao get em
heizou: ANYWAY
heizou: kazuha is very quiet because he’s only said like two things since i showed up
heizou: but i’m going to guess that he has really light hair with a red streak and he keeps it in a ponytail and has red eyes which is kinda creepy but they could be contacts idk
kazuha: huh???
venti!!: HOW
heizou: i’m kidding lol he’s in my math class
kazuha: wait really?
heizou: i’m the one who whispered in your ear ‘i killed mufasa’ as you were leaving
kazuha: YOU PSYCHO
kazuha: I THOUGHT I WAS GOING INSANE
lumine: oohhhhh so now we have the truth! mufasa was the one who was swaggier than heizou
heizou: no one is swaggier than me
lumine: not anymore, that’s for sure
Jean: You guys.
Aether: just give up already Jean we’ll never change
lumine: slay
Jean: Sucrose and I are the only normal ones, I think.
Jean: And possibly Xiao but that’s debatable.
xiao: wow thanks
Jean: I’m sorry
venti!!: GUYS i just got a great idea
venti!!: a very great idea
heizou: unlike the idea your parents got when they decided to have you
venti!!: DUDE
Aether: THAT WAS SAVAGE
venti!!: dude that was offensive
venti!!: you’re freaking annoying i’m gonna kick you from this chat
heizou: i’d like to see you try
venti!!: WHY CAN’T I KICK YOU
heizou: i like tech stuff <3
venti!!: i will MURDER you
xiao: if you want to make a good impression on us, mr. shikanoin, this is not the way to do so
heizou: who said i wanted to make a good impression on you guys lmao
venti!!: you will be boiled
kazuha: i’m turning off notifs you guys are a headache
heizou: your mom’s a headache
kazuha: shikanoin heizou
venti!!: WILL YOU GUYS JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO MY IDEA ALRDEY
xiao: *already
venti!!: XIAO.
xiao: ok
venti!!: my idea is to add every single person i know from teyvat high school into a group chat. it will be huge. it will be chaotic. it will be fantastic and we will live for the chaos.
heizou: i’m in
venti!!: NO i don’t want to add you
heizou: what if i make the group chat lololol
venti!!: YOU WOULDNT DARE
heizou: oh yes i would
venti!!: I’M GOING TO GO MAKE ONE RIGHT NOW
kazuha: uh oh venti, you shouldn’t have shared your idea with the enemy
lumine: dumb move
venti!!: HOW DARE YOU GUYS CALL ME DUMB
xiao: even though you are
Sucrose <3: why is everyone so mean in this chat 😭
Jean: I have . . . no idea.
kazuha: i’m just vibing
Sucrose <3: and i appreciate you for that <3
venti!!: oh ho ho new ship
Sucrose <3: i like girls,,,
venti!!: i sincerely apologize
venti!!: ANYWAY
venti!!: i need to work on creating the group chat before stupid mf heizou does
heizou: done!
venti!!: YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ANYONE HERE
heizou: but i have access to the list of students
Jean: HOW??
heizou: lmao
venti!!: if you say ‘i like tech stuff’ one more time
heizou: i like tech stuff
venti!!: what if that was my thirteenth reason, heizou? what if that was my thirteenth reason?
heizou: :)
xiao: when someone is capable of getting venti THIS mad, you know they’re annoying.
heizou: i have no friends
xiao: i can see why.
heizou: but now i have you guys <3
kazuha: we’re . . . not your friends.
heizou: have you heard of sarcasm
kazuha: no
kazuha: (i say, sarcastically)
venti!!: okay guys SHUT UP are we all forgetting the fact that heizou made the group chat?? that I wanted to make?!?!?
heizou: ehe
venti!!: THATS MY LINE YOU SON OF A
heizou: :)
venti!!: I HATE YOU
heizou: :))))))
heizou: anyway lol wanna check out the new gc
venti!!: NO
heizou: you can’t escape
venti!!: NOOOOOOOOOO
Jean: I’m leaving this group chat.
venti!!: DON’T LEAVE JEAN
(Jean left the chat.)
venti!!: this is depressing