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"Okay. Run this all by me again. You got kidnapped?"
"Yep."
"Kalim saved you?"
"Yep."
"And now you're going to go to the parking lot of a Denny's at three forty-one am respectfully..."
"Yep."
"... To, 'beat the crap out of each other.' Tell me, I got that correct?"
Jamil Viper grinned, busted lip breaking out into tiny blood droplets again. "Exactly."
Vil Schoenheit stared in aghast horror at the two males, clearly caught between judging them or ensuring that they got their heads screwed back on correctly with a magical kick that would send them flying back into their original universe.
"Why?" was all he ended up asking, wringing his hands for lack of a better way to express his sheer dumbfoundedness. Was that even a word? Dear stars, Vil's lexicon was suffering just listening to them.
Kalim Al-Asim beamed excitedly. "We've never beat each other up in the parking lot of Denny's!"
Jamil smirked. "I am gonna destroy him."
"Heck yeah!"
Vil looked ready to pass on (this was not a typo. He will not pass out. He will pass on). "No?!"
Rook Hunt giggled from his perch on the ceiling chandelier. "Oo la la, it'll be a marvelous time. Have fun!"
"Do not!" Vil screeched. "Stop this, wait a second. There are things that must be cleared up — who kidnapped you, and why?"
"Some people have been after Jamil for eons now," Kalim explained with a pouty huff. "They think he's not capable of taking care of himself, or something. Which! The only reason they got him today was because both our arms were tired from practicing stunts together!"
Jamil looked quite ticked over it, truly. "I knew I should have brought Rook's equipment to the studio."
Rook tweeted like a bird (not like the app) from his perch with a loud, "Call me next time, I'll hook you up with your own equipment!"
Vil stomped his heel into the floor. "You will do no such thing!"
"Hey, if Sea Otter and Sea Snake are fighting, can I join?" Floyd Leech inquired, a dangerous glint in his mismatched eyes.
"Sure!" Kalim exclaimed.
Jamil frowned. "Only if Jade joins, as well. Jade, you in?"
The other Leech twin gave Jamil a sharp grin that was equally as unsettling as Floyd's, but different. "This sounds like it could produce some fun. Why not?"
Vil was slowly losing his sanity. "Is no one going to stop these foolish potatoes?"
Azul Ashengrotto simply slumped into a rocking chair with a defeated sigh. "It's no use trying to stop any of them now. They're committed."
"I wanna fight on Sea Snake's side!" Floyd called out with a feral laugh.
Jade, ever the calm and composed twin, laughed without joy. "Now now, would that not be quite unfair? You are familiar with Jamil, after all. You play basketball with him regularly."
Kalim tugged on Jade's arm, causing the tall man to glance down at the shorter male. His eyes shone and sparkled like red diamonds. He jutted out his lips. He was the epitome of a kicked puppy. "Does this mean you don't want to fight on my side?" he asked, voice cracking at the edges, water pooling in the corners of his eyes.
Everyone was far too stunned to speak. Especially Vil. He was sure that he must be having the strangest dream he'd ever had, and he wanted to wake up in Twisted Wonderland again, thank you very much! Not... Not, whatever world this was. Earth, that was right. This was just some convoluted nightmare that would end as soon as —
"Of course, I would be honored to fight alongside you, Kalim," Jade said earnestly, kneeling on one knee, clasping his hands with Kalim's as he smiled reverently.
Azul muttered, "Simp."
Rook asked, "What was that?"
"Nothing," the only man wearing glasses responded, huffing bitterly in his chair.
Vil would have overblotted if he could have, but unfortunately, Earth did not allow for overblots to happen, and therefore he had to still deal with this form of living hell.
"Azul. Can't you get them back in line?" he tried, appealing to any and all higher powers to get this situation right again, because it just didn't feel right anymore.
"You think I haven't tried?" Azul moaned, clearly stressed and tired from the excitement of the day. "I nearly got my limbs chopped off for my troubles. Not worth it. Just let them fight things out like all good citizens should, and you let me take a most benevolently needed nap. Goodnight."
"Wait —" Vil tried, but the octo man was fast asleep, clearly not willing to give a shit about the happenings any longer.
Mood.
Why had he accompanied Scarabia and the Twins to the parking lot of a Denny's at three forty-one am (respectfully), when he should have been fast asleep allowing his skin to rest from makeup he wore all day?
Simple. Rook had decided to join them at the last minute, and there really was no way Vil was going to let the huntsman join in on the supposed 'fun,' when he forgot to bring his coat! One must be dressed appropriately at all times in combat — especially for combat situations! What had he taught Rook? Hadn't he taught him all this? Had it gone over his head?
No, Vil knew better than that. Rook wanted him to accompany them, and that's why he was now there.
He really disliked him, sometimes. What a hassle.
"CHAAAAARGE —"
What a bunch of idiots. Vil watched in unconcealed disgust as the usually mindful students used zero brain cells whatsoever to do battle, spouting random Shakespearean-esque lines that sounded awful with the twin's own battle cries.
Floyd sounded like he had inhaled something straight out of hell.
"Don't worry, it's just his breakfast from earlier," Jade assured Vil, appearing out of nowhere before disappearing again back into the dust cloud that had steadily rose as the night (morning?!) activities were up in earnest.
Vil placed two delicate fingers to his wrist. Ah, blood still flowed.
Why?
"Rook!" he called out, hoping that his voice did not convey the utter confusion and derision his soul felt on the spiritual level.
"Oui? Roi du Poison?" Rook had a large cut across his cheek and one bite mark that was suspicious enough Vil felt his blood boil.
"I expect you to demonstrate nothing less of what it means to be associated with me. Do you understand?"
Rook beamed. "Oui! It is as you say!"
Vil wiped the blood off with a handkerchief, wincing as he realized it really was Rook's blood (some of it, anyway). "Good. Now, please end this quickly, the children need to sleep."
"Yes, my Queen," Rook Hunt replied, a villainous smirk and narrow green eyes penetrating to even the deepest crevices of any and all creatures — Vil no exception (but, it was okay, Vil was too tired existentially speaking to do much).
"How did it go?" Azul inquired the next morning, yawning awake as he blearily blinked his eyes open.
He started to his feet, blinking harder in consternation. "What happe —"
"Don't. Ask," Vil Schoenheit growled out dangerously, hair unkempt, mascara running down his cheeks, hairbrush in hand as he dutifully brushed five men's locks of hair. They were all in a line, Azul wondered why they weren't on a conveyer belt to be more efficient.
Kalim beamed. "We bet that we could all defeat him, and if we did, he'd give us makeovers!"
Azul was stupefied. He was now also slightly jealous that he hadn't stayed awake and fought Vil with them. Who wouldn't want a makeover from the most beautiful man himself?
"And, you defeated him?" Azul wondered, completely mystified by it.
"No, they did not," Vil replied hotly, hands ever so gentle with Jamil's hair as he brushed his dark strands into perfection.
Jade grinned quite evilly as he answered for the blond, "He tripped on a raccoon."
Azul Ashengrotto was too stunned to speak.
So, he laughed instead. Everyone did, even Vil himself after a minute too long.
"That doesn't even sound real!" Azul shrieked, head over heels as he struggled to even imagine what that must have looked like.
"It was awesome," Floyd nodded with assurance, dreamy smile on his face which did nothing to quell any passerby's who might have seen such a feral expression so early in the morning.
Azul paused. "But, wait. Who won the Jamil versus Kalim fight?"
Rook from behind Azul's ear (when had he left the line?!) whispered conspiratorially, "Wouldn't you like to know?"
Vil answered for Azul. "No, he would not like to know, thank you very much!"
Jamil smirked. Kalim preened. Jade and Floyd just winked their heterochromatic eyes at Azul (the same color for each, he never understood how they instinctually knew what the other was doing).
And, that was it. There wasn't a single thing more left to say.