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Togo Hifumi. Hi-Fu-Mi. “One two three.” Her name was really just that—a sequence of numbers, painfully straightforward, written as they were pronounced with no other special meanings.
Well, Sae thought, her own name (“clarity,” written exactly as it was pronounced), was hardly any different.
Still not a good name for a girl who lies.
Makoto had first mentioned the name to her after the Shibuya incident, in which a supernatural world, called the Metaverse, fused with the “real” world and threatened to end life as they knew it… or something like that. Over the past year, Sae had become accustomed to talk of parallel universes and ego death and cognitive psience and all these other fancy terms they used to describe a series of events that she still couldn’t quite fully grasp, and probably never would, despite the fact that she had to make sense of it in court to convict one of the worst criminals in modern Japanese history. The name had sounded vaguely familiar when Makoto had mentioned it once, and only became more so when Makoto invited her over winter break to spend time with her and her other friends.
It was only upon seeing her that the realization finally dawned on her: she was one of the witnesses in the Phantom Thieves case that Sae had been building before she’d been dismissed from the case. Now that she was on the verge of convicting the man behind said dismissal, she’d let the matter slide.
But then Makoto asked in private whether Hifumi could have a copy of the apartment key, due to problems at home. Sae had been reluctant—though Makoto and Hifumi seemed to be on friendly terms, she herself had gotten off to an awkward start. She was one of a number of witnesses to and possible collaborators of the Phantom Thieves, and Sae hadn’t treated her kindly during their brief exchange in Kanda. On top of that, Makoto seemed to be suggesting that her current family issues were a direct result of the Phantom Thieves’ actions—exposing her as a fraud whose mother had been fixing her shogi matches in order to fabricate her reputation as a shogi genius. That feeling of guilt had apparently led to Makoto’s request to offer the girl a place to stay, but Sae had put off responding for weeks now.
Today, however, she’d nearly finalized the details of her argument. There wasn’t much to argue—the criminal had confessed to everything of which they had accused him, and the evidence firmly established a link between the man and his crimes. Shido Masayoshi would be tried and then sentenced likely within months, rather than days, given the extent of his criminal activity, but his guilty verdict on multiple counts was assured.
She’d returned home at around nine o’ clock—early for her—and was looking through her old files for the Phantom Thieves case again when the name came up.
Togo Hifumi. 17 years old. Kosei High School student. Shogi player renowned for her beauty and talent, but dogged by rumors that she fixes her matches. Her first contact with the Phantom Thieves was…
There were a few others that Sae had felt ashamed to investigate: a grade schooler by the name of Oda Shinya who was being bullied at school because of his mother’s divorce; a fortune teller named Mifune Chihaya who had fallen afoul of a pyramid scheme; Isshiki Wakaba’s brilliant daughter, Sakura Futaba, whom she would later learn had suffered at the hands of an abusive family member. Hifumi had been on the lower end of her priorities, and their sole exchange had been halfhearted, but she remembered the magazine covers and the article snippets and the strange feeling she’d had through it all, the ostensible coyness in her photo shoots that Sae eventually came to recognize as fear.
On the one hand, it hadn’t been Makoto’s place to offer her a room when she wasn’t the one paying the bills. On the other hand, Sae was rarely ever home to begin with, and Makoto would be moving out in a few months for school. It wouldn’t see much use either way. She felt odd lending out her home like this, as if she were taking in a stray, and she had the sense that Hifumi wouldn’t been too thrilled by the comparison, either. As little as Sae knew her, she didn’t seem like the type to impose.
Still, Makoto wasn’t the type to ask for something this serious unless she had been prompted by someone else first.
One two three. Sae tapped her fingers on her keyboard. All she had to do was say “yes,” and she could get this off her plate. Simple. Makoto could make a spare key and give it to Hifumi in her own time. She could wash her hands of the matter and be done with it. They would hardly see each other, anyway. What did she have to lose?
Sae stood up from their kitchen table, closed her laptop, and walked to Makoto’s bedroom.
She knocked on the door. “Makoto? I want to ask you something.”
A few seconds later, the door opened. “What’s up?” Makoto asked.
“Does Togo still need a place to stay?”
“Hifumi?” She looked away. “Mm… I think so.”
“Go ahead and make her a copy of the keys, then.” Sae smiled. “This place is going to be looking pretty empty soon, anyway.”
Makoto smiled back. “Thanks, Sis. I’ll let her know.”
It wouldn’t be until another month, after exams were over, that Hifumi would actually take advantage of their offer. Makoto was planning a road trip with her friends during spring break, leaving the apartment empty for the rest of the month. Sae had been neck-deep in preparation for Shido’s hearings, but the first of them had conveniently wrapped up that Sunday, the next day of which coincided with the beginning of Makoto’s spring break. Shujin and Kosei’s schedules seemed to line up where vacation was concerned, no less.
“…as I was saying,” said Makoto, as she walked through their front door, “precedent is important when it comes to rulings at the highest levels of court. How else are you supposed to establish rule of law if you have nothing to compare it against?”
Hifumi walked in with a small rolling suitcase behind her. “But attitudes, language, and values change over time,” she murmured. “If you always reference prior rulings when making current ones, how is the law supposed to adapt when there’s no precedent, or when it’s widely accepted that previous rulings were unethical?”
“You’re both making it sound like there’s nothing in between.”
Makoto stopped and stared at her. “Sis?”
Sae waved from the kitchen table, sitting over a cup of hot coffee. “Good morning. A bit early for the legal debate, isn’t it?”
“When did you get back?” Makoto asked.
“Late last night,” Sae replied. “The trial ended earlier than expected. With Shido’s confession on record and all the evidence we had on hand, the guilty verdict was practically a shoo-in. Since it was supposed to extend into today, I was told to take the day off. The rest of them look promising, too: Shido’s popularity fell off dramatically after December, and public support for his conviction soared after details about his criminal involvement leaked. I won’t say all of it was supposed to end up in the public eye, but…” She smiled. “I’ll take it.”
Hifumi stared blankly at them.
“Oh!” said Makoto, turning to her. “Sorry. So, you’ve been here a few times before, but I showed you the laundry downstairs. That’s the master bedroom over there,” she said, walking to the other side of the room, “and this is the linen closet. I’ll lend you my room, and you can borrow the spare futon in my closet. I made sure to have it washed before today. You have the keys, so, um,” Makoto turned around and looked at her sister, “am I forgetting anything, Sis?”
“Did you show her where we put the trash?”
She nodded. “All done.”
“Our numbers should be on a piece of paper taped by the house phone,” said Sae. “Call us if anything happens. It’s usually pretty quiet, but I’m almost never here, so…”
“We live in a good area,” Makoto insisted. “You should be fine.”
“Um…” Hifumi looked down, clutching the handle of her suitcase.
“Text me if you’re planning to have a friend over,” said Sae. “I don’t mind, but make sure you clean up after yourselves.”
“There’s a good Chinese restaurant down the street,” Makoto grabbed a pen and piece of paper off of the kitchen counter, “hold on, let me write it down for you…”
“There’s a shopping mall across from here if you just want to stretch your legs,” Sae added.
“I’ll write that down too.”
“Any questions?” Sae looked at her. Hifumi hadn’t even made it over to Makoto’s room yet.
“No…” She was staring down at the floor. “Thank you for having me.”
Makoto showed Hifumi into her room to drop off her things, and then left a few minutes later with her own luggage.
“Bye, Sis! Bye, Hifumi-san! Text me if you need anything, OK?” She waved from the door.
Hifumi watched her leave from the living room. “All right.”
Then the door closed shut behind her, leaving the two of them alone.
After a moment, Hifumi looked at Sae. “Niijima Sae-san… right?”
“’Sae’ is fine,” she said. “You’re our guest, so no need to be so formal.”
She walked up to the kitchen table. “Sae-san, then. Call me ‘Hifumi.’”
“Now that that’s all out of the way…” Sae turned her gaze down at the table. “May I ask what brought this on?”
“Nothing in particular,” Hifumi replied, sitting down at the table. “Nothing new, at least. Makoto-san offered the space if I needed it, and I accepted.”
“You’re absolutely sure?” said Sae, sitting up. “There haven’t been any strange occurrences around your home or school?”
“Nothing that hasn’t already been explained to me,” said Hifumi.
“And you don’t require any legal counsel,” said Sae.
She looked away. “Spreading rumors about your own daughter and fixing her shogi matches isn’t enough to take anyone to court, and besides, we’ve already suffered enough. I appreciate the offer, but I can’t think of what good it would do to involve a lawyer at this point.”
“So, then, the reason you’re here is…”
“To get away from my family.”
Sae closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair. “Sometimes it really is that simple, isn’t it.”
“I’m sorry,” said Hifumi. “Did Makoto-san give you the impression that something else was going on?”
“No,” she said. “It’s just…”
“Because Makoto-san and her friends are the Phantom Thieves. Right?” Hifumi asked. “It’d be natural to suspect that anyone they brought over was harboring some dark, unutterable secret.”
Sae laughed in surprise. “All right,” she said. “You got me.”
That netted her Hifumi’s first genuine smile of the week.
“I’ll do my best to not disappoint.”
The day dragged without anything for her to do. Hifumi spent some time inside Makoto’s room with the door closed, and then moved to the living room with a shogi board and began to practice moves. Sae reviewed her notes for the rest of Shido’s cases at the dining table, but quickly lost interest after having read them for what felt like the hundredth time. Hifumi was mostly quiet, but Sae thought she could hear her murmuring to herself on occasion. It wasn’t until Hifumi put her board away, about half an hour later, that Sae spoke to her again.
“What did you want to do for lunch?” she said, as Hifumi walked out of Makoto’s room.
“Oh,” said Hifumi. She brushed a lock of hair over her shoulder. “Anything will do.”
“There are some restaurants nearby if you’re already hungry, or I can stop by the store and buy some ingredients for the next few days. Makoto is usually the one who cooks, though we’ve been alternating recently.”
“I can make a few simple things,” she said. “If you’re going to cook, then I’ll help.”
Lunch was hamburger steak and salad, and they brought ingredients at the grocery store to make mackerel and side dishes for dinner. Sae was so unaccustomed to shopping with anyone else that she called Hifumi by her sister’s name more than once at the store, though Hifumi appeared to take it in stride. She was a good cook, too; meticulous and not very clumsy, she worked with deft, practiced movements.
“Do you often cook for yourself?” Sae asked, watching her from the other side of the kitchen.
“My mother usually asks me to cook,” said Hifumi. She slid the onion she had minced and sauteed from the frying pan into the large glass bowl they had set out, and waited for them to cool. “Though I usually just follow recipes, unless there’s something in particular that she wants me to make.”
“I…” Sae paused. It was better to be honest. “I did a background investigation when I was still on the Phantom Thieves case,” she murmured. “So I’m somewhat aware of your home life and situation. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, though.”
Hifumi grabbed the other ingredients from the other side of the stove and began mixing them in, one by one. By the time she spoke again, she was kneading the mixture by hand. “How much do you know?” she asked.
“As much as my role as a prosecutor would allow, so… pretty much everything,” Sae admitted. “Though the case against them was dropped, I haven’t forgotten everything I’d learned. That’s why I was worried you’d be uncomfortable staying here.”
Hifumi scooped out about a quarter of the mixture and began tossing it between her hands. “Makoto-san told me something similar. She said it might be awkward to share a room with a woman who had previously investigated my past. But you know the truth, at least.” Then she placed the patty on a plate on the counter, and repeated the process with the next.
“Here,” said Sae. “I’ll help.”
There was something awkwardly visceral about the slap of the meat as they tossed it from hand to hand, the sticky residue the mixture left on her hands, the world-weary indifference with which Hifumi treated it all. She was habitually nervous, Sae realized, unable to sit still for long periods of time without looking around or fidgeting in place, but there was a strange gravity to her demeanor, as though she’d been trained to behave otherwise.
When they were done forming the patties, they went back into the fridge to sit for about half an hour. Hifumi sliced tomatoes and baby carrots for the salad and then sat down at the kitchen table to wait for the patties to finish. The rice was already in the cooker.
“What hobbies do you have?” Sae asked, still standing at the counter. “Other than shogi, I mean.”
“Reading,” said Hifumi. “Calligraphy. Oh, and also watching or listening to rakugo and trying on new perfumes. Though I’m not sure if that last one counts as a hobby, per se… But I like that beauty can be appreciated with senses other than sight—in forms that aren’t necessarily visual—with hearing, scent and touch.”
“Is…” said Sae, “this something you think about often?”
“Beauty, you mean?” Hifumi looked down. “Perhaps since the idea was imposed on me from early on—that my face was beautiful, and later, that my body was, too, it’s always been in the back of my mind. Like, if I could transcend mere appearances—if I could make people see me for something other than my body—then maybe I’d be happier that way.” Hifumi looked up at her for a moment. Her gaze lingered on Sae’s face.
“We drew a lot of attention at the grocery store,” said Sae. “Didn’t we?”
Hifumi smiled. “Only a little bit.”
Sae felt compelled to cook the patties once they were done, and make the sauce after that, to keep Hifumi from having to do everything. Once they were finally done, she was famished.
“It’s good!” said Hifumi, holding a hand over her mouth. “I make it at home sometimes because the preparation isn’t too difficult, but somehow it tastes different here.”
“I’m glad.”
It was around two o’ clock by the time they cleaned up. Sae offered to take her somewhere, feeling restless herself, but Hifumi, who was sitting on the sofa with her laptop, declined. She stopped Sae when Sae turned around, however.
“Um…” said Hifumi, “not that I mind, but aren’t you acting a little too familiar?”
Sae blushed. “This is all because I called you ‘Makoto’ at the grocery store, isn’t it? I’m sorry.” She turned away. “I’m usually at work, so we almost never have people over unless Makoto brings them. I didn’t mean to treat you like my little sister.”
Hifumi smiled. “No,” she said, “really, it’s all right as long as I’m not taking you away from any of your other responsibilities. It just… feels odd, being treated like family in the home of a stranger.” She looked down. “As long as you’re comfortable with it, I don’t mind, but you shouldn’t feel compelled to spend time with me just because I’m staying over.” She paused. “Honestly, you treat me better than my own mother does.”
“Hifumi…”
Her mouth opened, and then closed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t say that about her. Hopefully she won’t mind me saying this, but Makoto-san really appreciates who you’ve become. She told me that they changed your heart.”
Sae was speechless.
“But they changed my mother’s heart, too. So then why…” She closed her laptop and sighed, and then looked up at her and smiled. “What am I saying? You’re you. There’s no comparing the two.”
Sae turned back around, and then hesitated.
“Wanna play a match?”
Sae was thoroughly outclassed. She had only ever played shogi casually with her sister, and it showed—she never made it past her opening moves, even when Hifumi played aggressively or left openings in her camp. She found herself baited a number of times, going after an easy target even as she realized that Hifumi planned for her to take it. Hifumi was brusque during play, often muttering to herself under her breath during her turns, though Sae could never make out what she said. Though Sae had read that Hifumi was often disposed to say rather theatrical things during a match, she encountered none of that here. She was quiet, focused, intense—Sae finally understood what her sister saw in her.
She played like nothing else mattered.
“Thank you for the matches.” Hifumi gave her a customary bow from the other end of the sofa. “It’s always refreshing to play against a new opponent.”
Sae laughed. “Admittedly, I didn’t last very long.”
“I believe you fared well for a newcomer,” Hifumi said. “You’re more cautious than your sister.”
Sae looked at her. “Am I?”
“Makoto-san has a tendency to be a little impulsive,” she murmured, “but sometimes she’s so unpredictable that she’ll catch me off-guard. Your play was more consistent, but I could see it improving between matches. It pays to take your time in a game like this.”
“You like shogi,” said Sae, “don’t you?”
“I wouldn’t say ‘like’ is the right word for it,” replied Hifumi. “Perhaps ‘compelled by’ is a better term…?” She looked down. “I don’t know. I feel like I can be more honest with myself when I’m playing. I want to win.”
Sae blinked.
“I want to win.” Hifumi looked up. “But I want my victories to be fair. There’s no point in playing a game that’s rigged.”
Sae opened her mouth. “How much did Makoto tell you? About my change of heart, I mean.”
She shook her head. “Only that they did. Why?”
One two three.
“Because you sound just like me.”
“Is winning really all that matters?” Sae asked, instead.
“No,” Hifumi answered, “but playing solely for the sake of self-improvement sucks all the pleasure out of it.” She smiled mischievously. “It’s a game, after all—aren’t games supposed to be fun?”
“You certainly seemed to be having fun blockading my every move,” Sae said.
“Anyone can learn if they apply themselves,” Hifumi insisted. “It just takes a bit of practice.”
“Then…”
“I do what I love,” she said. “Whether it’s practical or not. What’s the point in living life if you can’t even enjoy it?”
“You’re rather astute for a high schooler.”
“Not really,” she said. “It’s just that…” she placed her hands in her lap, “seeing my mother chase after success so desperately that she had to lie, cheat, and even ruin her daughter’s life made me swear that I’d never have anything to do with someone like that again.”
“I see,” said Sae. She stood up, balling her hands into fists. “I just remembered I had something to do.”
She left before Hifumi could see them shaking.
It was a lie, of course, and once Sae made it to her room she realized that Hifumi had no idea of her involvement in prior cases—what she had done. What she had allowed. What she had honestly believed. The Prosecutors’ Office was brutally overworked. They had to be selective about which cases to take on, and once they did, failure to obtain a guilty verdict meant the end of one’s career. It had never been about justice. In the end, results were the only thing that mattered.
It was the reason she was leaving after overseeing Shido’s prosecution. While that was far and beyond anything that Hifumi had to know, the thought that Sae wasn’t obliged to tell her brought her little comfort. She wanted Hifumi to be able to trust her. She wanted to be worthy of her trust. If she couldn’t be honest with her, then what was the point of spending time with her? This was Makoto all over again.
Sae groaned and sat down on her bed. She was only going to be here for a week. Avoiding her would make things awkward, but telling her would make them even more so.
I’m sorry. She squeezed her eyes shut, and then approached the door.
When she entered the living room again, Hifumi was gone.
Sae made dinner for them on her own, resisting Hifumi’s attempts to make small talk. Eventually, she realized that Hifumi knew she had hurt her because she could see it. The pained expression on Hifumi’s face was delicate, beautiful, even—so beautiful, in fact, that Sae could almost convince herself that what she was doing was right. Hifumi ate without enjoyment and then returned to Makoto’s room. Makoto made an obligatory phone call to the house to reassure Sae that she was doing all right on their trip. If she noticed that anything was off, then she didn’t acknowledge it.
Tomorrow would be slow at work, Sae thought. His next trial wouldn’t be scheduled for at least another month while they prosecuted those underneath him. Many had already come forward in hopes of a lighter sentence, but nothing could make the red tape go any faster. His initial trial had only been for the crimes he had personally committed—those they could prosecute without going after anyone else. In every other case, the corruption ran so deep that Sae worried that convicting him for anything else would prove impossible, but she’d been given permission to do whatever was needed to obtain the necessary evidence for his crimes. No matter how long it took, she would ensure that everyone received their fair due.
For once in her life, she knew she was doing the right thing.
She left home early the next morning, but work was light when it didn’t directly involve Shido, and having been removed from every other case due to the urgency of this one, she had little else to do.
She ended up at home around nine.
“Sae-san?” Hifumi asked from the living room.
“Don’t get used to it,” Sae said.
But Wednesday she arrived home at the same time, and Thursday even earlier. Friday she arrived home in time for dinner, which normally would have been unthinkable.
“Sae-san,” Hifumi said again, sitting in the exact same spot that she had been on Tuesday. “It’s not the same without you here.”
Sae looked away. “I really shouldn’t…”
“Are you busy?” Hifumi asked. “Why don’t we go out to eat? I was thinking Chinese.”
It was as if Makoto had never left.
The restaurant was in the lower level of a nearby department store. Hifumi was beaming when Sae finally relented, enthusiastic in a way that Sae could only remember being at her age. They were seated as soon as they arrived, and sat at opposite ends of a table in the middle of the dining area. The restaurant was clean and quiet, sparsely decorated with bamboo and red trim. The hostess handed them their menus and then returned to the front.
“What do you recommend here?” Hifumi asked.
“Oh,” said Sae, “um… The char siu is good. Makoto and I usually split that and an order of fried rice. I’d also recommend the wonton noodles or the steamed spare ribs, if you’re looking for something different.”
Hifumi nodded and glanced through the menu. Sae skimmed the menu, though she had been here so many times she already knew what she wanted to order.
“I think I’ll go with your usual,” said Hifumi, placing her menu down. She smiled. She was smiling so much today.
“Did something good happen?” Sae asked.
“Makoto-san warned me you’d be busy,” said Hifumi, “so I was prepared to spend the whole week alone. But now that you’re here, I don’t have to.”
“Oh,” she said.
“It might seem weird to get so excited over something as simple as going out to dinner, but my family hasn’t been able to do that as much lately. And even when we do, it’s always so tense…” Hifumi caught herself, and then looked up at her. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to ramble on.” She brushed a lock of hair out of her face. “It’s just nice to be able to enjoy it again without having to worry about anything.”
“It was like that for me and Makoto too,” Sae said, looking at her. “For a long time. You’re not alone in feeling that way.”
They made eye contact. Sae expected her to look away, and was surprised when she didn’t.
“Your water.” The waiter placed a glass of water in front of Sae. She forced herself not to react.
The waiter took their orders and then left.
“How did you do it?” Hifumi asked, as soon as the waiter was out of earshot.
“How did I… do what?” Sae said.
“How did you fix your relationship with your sister?” Hifumi looked down at the table. “It couldn’t have been as simple as asking the Phantom Thieves.”
“Hifumi…”
“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I feel like all I do around you is complain.”
“No, I…” Sae paused. “I understand. I think every family is different. In my case, my work was directly tied to what the Phantom Thieves were doing, and Makoto was a part of that. Once I realized what my sister had been doing—that she was trying to help me, in her own way—it was then that I learned to accept her. But I’d hardly been involved in her life prior to that. I’m still not sure how I fit into it, to be honest.”
“I see,” she said. She grasped her glass. “You and Makoto-san both seem very ambitious to me. But not in a harmful or self-destructive way. Now that I’m back to playing shogi as an amateur, I wondered if my ambition was the problem—if my pride as a shogi player was what kept me from seeing the truth. But that didn’t seem like her problem with you at all. I thought that,” she ran her finger around the rim of the glass, “maybe I wasn’t being a good enough daughter, maybe I needed to give up on my dream for the sake of my family.” She looked up. “But you’re not like that, are you? You would never tell Makoto-san to give up on her dreams.”
“It’s different,” said Sae, “with parents. You should still try to support your mother, of course.” She smiled a bit. “But that doesn’t necessarily mean doing everything she tells you.”
“Um…” Hifumi looked away, touching the back of her neck. “Can I ask you a personal question? You don’t have to answer it.”
“What is it?” she asked.
“Do you ever plan to marry?” Hifumi looked at her earnestly. “I know you’re very busy, and it’s a personal choice, but, um… you’re very beautiful,” she said. “And you’re thoughtful, and intelligent, and you express yourself very well.”
“Oh, uh…”
“Without me or Makoto-san here, you’ll be coming back to an empty apartment,” Hifumi said. “M-maybe that wasn’t worded properly… I just worry that since you’re so busy all the time, you’ll end up alone.”
Sae tried to will the blush off of her face. “That’s… I appreciate your concern, but—”
“And men are such boors when they see a young woman all by herself,” Hifumi rambled on, “as if she weren’t alone by choice. I don’t even know what I want to do with my life, and I still get approached by all sorts of shady folk, especially when I’m in Kanda. Some of them won’t take ‘no’ for an answer, either, and it made me think that if I at least had someone, even a close friend… oh, I don’t mean you necessarily, but… I’d been under my mother’s thumb for so long she made me feel as if I’d never have anyone else to turn to.” Hifumi sighed and covered her face with her hands. “I kept hoping that the change of heart would have some other effect after the confession, but after she admitted to all of her wrongdoings, she treated me the same way that she always did.”
Sae looked away.
Hifumi picked up her glass and sipped from it. “I’ll stop talking about this now,” she said. “I know I’ve already said too much.”
Her mood visibly improved after the food arrived, and it tasted as good as Sae remembered. After paying, they returned home in a not uncomfortable silence. Sae had no idea what to say to her, mainly because Hifumi was right. Far from being the last thing on her mind, marriage was the one topic she tried her hardest not to think about. She’d never been attracted to men. She’d never been attracted to anyone that she could remember. The thought of being in love terrified her more than anything else. The thought that she had yet to experience it, and was therefore unable to prepare herself for the possibility of it happening, terrified her even more.
Hifumi would be gone in two days, and she was right: once she left, Sae would be coming home to an empty apartment.
“Do you have plans for when you return home?” Sae asked, once Hifumi had settled back into her regular spot on the sofa. There’d be an indent in the shape of her once she left.
“Not at all,” said Hifumi. She smiled wryly. “But a week is what my mother and I agreed on. She needs me at home.”
“But does she?”
Sae slapped a hand over her mouth.
Hifumi stared at her.
She squeezed her eyes shut. “Sorry. Bad habit from work. Sometimes I forget that I’m not always in the middle of conducting an interrogation.”
Hifumi giggled. “It’s fine. But you’d be right: she doesn’t need me for anything in particular. I just know she’ll get anxious if I’m away for too long.”
Sae could think of a number of reasons why.
“Well,” said Sae, still not entirely sure why she was saying this, “feel free to come back whenever you’d like.” She exhaled. “At your own discretion, that is. If you have business at home, then don’t let me stop you from dealing with it.”
“I wouldn’t want to drop in unannounced. But I’ll think about it.” Hifumi looked down at her laptop. “It’s been pleasant. I had a really good time here.” She looked up at Sae, as if to say something, but her mouth opened and then closed. She looked back down.
“Something on your mind?” Sae asked.
“No,” Hifumi replied, “nothing.”
Sae was on her way back to her room when Hifumi called out to her again.
“I’m envious,” she said.
One two three.
“I wish I had someone like you in my life,” Hifumi said. “I really mean it.”
Sae walked into her room, and locked the door shut behind her. She leaned back against the door.
There was another Shadow growing inside her, she thought. But this time, there were no longer any Phantom Thieves to take care of it.
Saturday she left home early and stayed at work late. She arrived home around eleven, expecting Hifumi to be in bed, or at least in Makoto’s room.
She should have known better.
“Long day?” Hifumi asked, from her usual spot on the sofa.
“I was finishing up some work,” Sae lied.
It wouldn’t be the first time she had used that excuse to avoid seeing someone.
“Tomorrow’s my last day,” said Hifumi. She stretched out her arms. “Thanks again for having me. I feel like I’m a little better equipped to deal with all my mother’s… officiousness, now.”
Sae grinned wryly. “Is that what we’re calling it?”
“I went out to the shopping mall today,” said Hifumi. “I didn’t realize it was so high-end.”
“Yeah,” said Sae, smiling. “That’s why I said it was good for stretching your legs—and not much else.”
“There was a cosmetics store there that sold perfumes,” she said. “I was curious, so I tried a few. I’m not as fond of the musk-based ones, but I do enjoy synthetics. Hopefully the rest of them have all worn off by now, but… I did buy one.” Hifumi closed her laptop and stood up. “Let me get it.”
“I’ll put my things away,” said Sae. She went to her room and put away her laptop bag, figuring a bath could wait until Hifumi showed her whatever was so exciting about this new perfume.
When she reemerged, Hifumi was back on the sofa with the perfume bottle. It was small, curved, oval-shaped. The glass was black. Hifumi beckoned her over. “Here. Put out your hand.”
Sae sat beside her, and was immediately struck by the scent. It was clean, chemical—scintillating. She couldn’t quite place it. She looked at Hifumi.
“Hm?” said Hifumi.
Sae glanced down at the bottle. It was closed. Then…
“Are you wearing it right now?” she asked.
“Oh,” said Hifumi, “I put a little on earlier today, but it should have…” Hifumi looked at her. “I guess I must’ve just gotten used to it, then.”
“Oh,” said Sae. Inevitably, her heart began to race. “It smells…” Masculine. That sounded wrong. She had expected something citrus-y, but it wasn’t that, either. It smelled a little like alcohol, or cleaning fluid, but not quite as acidic or as sweet. She turned it over in her head.
Then she put out her hand. “Mm, put a little on my wrist. I can’t quite wrap my mind around it.”
Hifumi smiled and then leaned over and grasped her hand. Sae whiffed the perfume on her neck—and then leaned back.
Hifumi smiled up at her, a little confused. “You don’t have to lean back so far away, you know.”
Her heart was pounding. She considered taking back her request, but snatching away her hand would have been awkward at this point.
“I can… I changed my mind,” said Sae. “I-it’s fine.” She tugged her hand away.
Hifumi loosened her grip so Sae could slip her hand out of her grasp, but her brow was furrowed. “Is something wrong, Sae-san?”
“I can smell it on you,” Sae said. “On your neck, I think.”
“Oh,” said Hifumi, lifting up her long, dark hair to expose her slender, white neck. “You mean like this?”
She looked away. “Yeah.”
“Never been in love,” my ass, she thought.
She had just never been… inconvenienced by it, always pushing it out of her head in favor of her studies, or later, in favor of her work. Women were role models—people to be admired, not pursued. She had only ever been attracted to women of a certain intellectual persuasion, such that she assumed the attraction itself was purely intellectual, not romantic. After all, it had to be, didn’t it? Sae had never fantasized about women before, had never turned one of those long, hot gazes on another woman’s body. It felt insensitive. It felt profane.
“Why are you acting so shy?” Hifumi said. “It’s just a little skin.” She let go of her hair. “You’re acting strange today, Sae-san. Here,” she said, gathering up her hair and sliding it over one shoulder.
“What?” said Sae.
“I don’t know what you’re so afraid of, but come over here.”
Sae blushed. “What? Why?”
“Just smell it. It’s not going to smell any different… Well,” she paused, “it might, but I already showered, so it should be fine. You might get a little of my shampoo, though.”
“No, that’s not the problem here—”
“You’re really dragging this out, aren’t you?” said Hifumi, sidling up to her. “C’mon, just do it and get it over with!”
Sae swallowed. Hifumi’s thigh was brushing up against her own. She tilted her head invitingly, exposing her neck, as if Sae were supposed to stick her face in and smell her, as if that were a normal thing for two women to do.
Was it?
She leaned in, overwhelmed by the heat of Hifumi’s skin and the scent of her perfume and the faint smell of her shampoo and whatever else was underneath. She pressed closer. Hifumi made a startled noise, but she didn’t resist. Sae’s lips grazed her neck.
She held still, for a long time, hoping that Hifumi would turn around, throw her off, hold out her hand and then slap her. This was assault. It was unwanted. It was inexcusable. If someone had done this to her, Sae thought, she would have sued.
But Hifumi didn’t. She held perfectly still. She didn’t even breathe. And when Sae pulled away, Hifumi looked at her with tear-filled desperation.
“I’m…” Sae said.
“Don’t be,” Hifumi said. “Don’t be.”
Sae exhaled. The air felt suffocating, like breathing through tar.
“You’re… my sister’s friend,” said Sae, pathetically. “I’m… I don’t know what came over me.” Her mind roiled with fantasies.
Hifumi wanted this.
“There’s no way it’d work out,” Hifumi said, half-gasping every breath. “I didn’t dare even imagine…”
“I don’t want to ruin your friendship with Makoto.”
Hifumi looked away.
“You like women,” said Sae. “You like… me.” She touched her lips. “Hifumi…”
“I’m going back tomorrow,” said Hifumi. “I’ll return your keys.” But she didn’t move.
“I can’t… be responsible for this,” said Sae. “I’m… I already have too much that I regret. I was unscrupulous as a prosecutor—Hifumi, I’ve done things you can’t even imagine—”
“I don’t care,” Hifumi said firmly, balling her hands into fists on her thighs. “I don’t care. Call it childish if you must. You’re not like that anymore. Your sister trusts you. If you were a worse person, then you would have taken advantage of me already.”
“It’s not too late,” Sae remarked.
Hifumi looked away in the other direction. “So what. I don’t understand the guilt. I wanted this, too.”
“Why?” Sae asked. “What do you get out of it?”
“Just… the feeling of being loved for one night. At least I’ll know that you meant it.”
“What are we going to tell Makoto?”
“Nothing. I don’t plan on seeing you again.” Hifumi shifted in her seat, and then sat still. “Now that we both know, there’s no turning back.”
“I…” said Sae. “There’s better ways to go about this. I could help you with your mother.”
“The only way you could help is by marrying me,” Hifumi said. “And we both know that isn’t happening.”
“What are you going to do once you graduate?”
“Move out on my own, of course,” Hifumi said. “I’ll probably meet someone through shogi. That was always my intent. Even if my choice of partner doesn’t make my mother happy, I figure, as long as it’s the right choice for me…”
“I see.” Sae looked down.
Hifumi smiled sadly at her. “It doesn’t have to be you, you know. Since Makoto is going to college anyway, it wouldn’t be too difficult for us to… naturally drift apart. You’d only have to wait a year, I suppose, if you were serious…”
“I’ll be done with Shido’s case by then, granted.”
“And I’ll be in college, away from my mother, too.” Hifumi sat up, relaxing her hands. “But don’t you think I’m too young for you, Sae-san? I mean… even if it isn’t illegal in a year…”
Something inside Sae was growing impatient. “Keep the keys,” said Sae, placing a hand over Hifumi’s own. She leaned in and pressed her forehead to Hifumi’s temple. “And just… stop talking.”
Hifumi turned her head to look at her. “Sae…”
“How well can you keep a secret,” was all she asked.
They got as far as her room when Sae excused herself to take a shower. When she returned, Hifumi was sitting on her bed staring holes into the floor.
“We don’t have to go through with this, you know,” Sae said, placing a hand on the doorframe. “You can go back to your room, or I can just hold you in bed and we can sleep together. I don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret, or that you can’t take personal responsibility for. That’s why the law exists in the first place.”
Hifumi was quiet.
“I know I was the one who suggested it,” said Sae, taking a seat next to her, “but legally, I can consent. You… can’t. We haven’t done anything illegal yet. But if we do go through with this… I want to know that you’re emotionally prepared to accept the consequences. That’s what it means to be an adult.” She paused. “We’ve already kissed. That’s enough for me, if you were wondering. Anything more is sheer pettiness—the selfishness of an overworked, corrupted adult. I’m giving you this choice because I’ve accepted that I’m breaking the law. Understand?”
“Sae-san…” She looked despondent. “I don’t want you to be sad. I mean, if having sex upsets you… It doesn’t have to be this complicated.” She blushed. “I-I mean, it can wait.” She wet her lips. “It doesn’t have to be this tragic thing, you know?” She shifted, leaning back against her. Then she laughed. “But it’s just like you to mince words,” she said, cuddling up to her. “I don’t care about the sex. Especially if you’re going to give me a lecture after we do it. I’d rather wait.” She smiled, pulling her legs in. “I think… just this is fine.”
Sae kissed her on the back of her head, on the temple, on the cheek, and then lower, ravishing her neck. Hifumi gasped in obscene delight.
It wasn’t technically sex.
Sae woke up to the sight and feel of Hifumi next to her, fully clothed but certainly less than innocent. She didn’t want to move. Hifumi would be leaving today, and her apartment would be empty until Makoto came back, and then when Makoto came back she’d be leaving again soon enough. Her feelings were… complicated.
Better to sort them out later. She tried to remove herself from Hifumi’s side as gently as possible, stilling when Hifumi moved in her sleep, and moving when she seemed to fall asleep again, though she had the sense that by the time she had extracted herself Hifumi was already awake.
She touched herself in the shower, biting back a moan, and then dried her hair and dressed as if nothing had happened. Breakfast was toast and eggs, leftover salad from the night before and a few small sausages. She had everything plated before Hifumi even left the bathroom.
Hifumi was quiet when they sat down to eat.
“Even though we didn’t do anything,” she said, after they were both done, “I didn’t realize I would get so wet down there.”
Sae thanked every god she knew that Hifumi had waited until after breakfast to say that.
She looked up at her. “I-is that normal? I was a little uncomfortable when we were going to sleep so I decided to change clothes again, but you were already asleep—”
“It’s fine,” said Sae. “It’s perfectly normal.” She considered asking Hifumi whether she had ever even masturbated before, but thought better of it.
She didn’t need to ask at this point.
“Now all I’m going to be able to think about is kissing you,” Hifumi admitted. “At least I won’t be sad about it, but…”
“When is your mother expecting you back?”
Hifumi smiled guiltily. “I told her after lunchtime, so… around two o’ clock, maybe?” Then she looked away. “We really shouldn’t do anything, so I was thinking of going out… if you don’t have work, I mean.”
“We’re not obligated to come into the office on Sundays,” said Sae. “Or on Saturdays, but… Really, I’m usually there too often anyway.” She tilted her head. “Where were you thinking of going?”
“Kanda.”
Hifumi took her to the church—not just any church, of course, but the church in which they had first met. It was quiet, tidy, unabashedly Western, with a tall, curved ceiling and a stained glass window in the back. There was a confessional and an altar and a… triptych? Is that what they were called? Sae noticed lilies on the way in.
There were no services being held despite the fact that they had come on a Sunday. Hifumi apparently knew the schedule well.
“Oh,” said Hifumi, looking around, “there are still a lot of people here…” Some of the churchgoers glanced at her, as if in recognition.
“Why did you want to come here?” Sae asked, keeping her voice low. If she raised it to her usual volume, it would already start to echo.
“I was named after a shogi player,” said Hifumi, smiling. She took a seat on one of the pews in the back. “Kato Hifumi-sensei. My father, as you’re probably aware, was a professional shogi player before he had to quit due to health problems—he was… well, now you know where my name comes from. Kato-sensei is a Catholic, though…” Hifumi covered her mouth, “it’s a little strange to think on it now.”
“Were you thinking of converting?” Sae asked, joining her.
“I…” She made an apologetic face. “I don’t think there’s any chance of that now, actually.” She grasped Sae’s hand in the pew. “They’re not, um, very accepting of people like us. Even though Catholicism is typically associated with…” Hifumi cleared her throat. “A-anyway, this place still means a lot to me. I know we didn’t have the most pleasant introduction to each other, but that’s why I wanted to come here with you again. The Phantom Thieves took a lot away from me… but they gave me a lot of opportunities, in return.” She squeezed Sae’s hand. “Ironically… I would never have met you if it weren’t for them.”
“I could say the same.” Sae smiled warmly. “Do you ever think about what our lives would have been like without them?”
Hifumi whispered something under her breath.
Sae leaned down. “What was that?” she asked. “I didn’t quite—”
Hifumi cupped her hands over Sae’s ear. “I do,” she whispered.
Sae froze.
Then Hifumi pulled her hands away and smiled. “I’ve always wanted to say that in a church.”
They lingered as long as they could outside, and eventually sat down to eat at a soba joint when it was nearly time for them to return home. Hifumi sat next to her, not across from her. Sae didn’t tell her to move. They ate slowly, tasting each other’s dishes, and ordered dessert, and took their time eating that. Sae kissed her outside the restaurant. She couldn’t help herself.
Inevitably, though, they had to return home. Hifumi packed her things back into her suitcase. It was already 1:50. Sae pressed a small bag into her hands when she left Makoto’s room with her luggage.
Hifumi looked up at her, startled. “What is this?”
“It’s… nothing,” Sae said. “It’s… an omamori. For good luck on your exams.”
“Oh,” said Hifumi. “Thank you.”
“And my business card,” Sae added. “Just in case.” She kissed Hifumi again. “Let’s get going. If we don’t leave now, I’m going to think of some way to keep you here.”
Sae drove her to the station and parked in an empty parking space, knowing they’d take too long to even consider dropping her off at the curb.
“Wait,” said Hifumi, as she got out of the car, “do you have my number?”
“I can get it from Makoto,” said Sae, watching as Hifumi pulled her luggage from the trunk. “Don’t worry about it. You’re going to be late,” she ushered her toward the station entrance, “now go!”
“Um, but…!”
“We can see each other anytime we want.” Sae smiled. “You know that, right?”
Hifumi grinned. “Right!”
It was a lie, of course—even when Sae wasn’t busy, lately she’d been finding causes to which she could devote herself, organizations she could join, laws that needed reforming. Even granted that Hifumi could keep their relationship secret from her mother, and the two of them from Makoto, there was no telling if fate would eventually lead them to one another, or elsewhere. Though she had done plenty worse, Sae had skirted the law. And Hifumi was young. She deserved to be with someone closer to her own age.
One two three.
Not even ten minutes later, Sae’s phone buzzed.
“You’re a bad liar,” Hifumi wrote. “But then again… so am I.”
There was a long pause, and then another message.
“You knew, didn’t you? After the shogi match. I thought I had you fooled, but that’s the only reason you kissed me, wasn’t it? You knew I was already yours.”
Then, she sent another text: “I understand you like to gamble. Wanna make another bet?”
Sae hesitated.
“But this time, it’s going to last a whole year…”
She smirked.
There was only one answer to that.