Work Text:
~ Kinn ~
I could've done things better. I hesitated too much and now Big is dead. I can't allow such a mistake to happen again.
No, I did not have feelings for Tawan, but his presence brought back memories I wished I could never remember because it hurts. It's obviously not love, but a deep feeling of regret, disgust, anger... I don't even know. I still can't believe how manipulative he could be.
It's late. I tried to sleep, but it's useless. My mind is way too messed up. I walked through the dark hallways and came out on the balcony. I leaned my back on the edge of the pool and took out another cigarette.
I should've been more careful and never allow my feelings to influence my decisions again, influence me from choosing the right thing. What does it mean anyway? If I did something different, Big would still be alive?
I hear the door sliding open and my first impulse is to grab the gun and point it to the intruder. Porsche raised his hands and stopped. I roll my eyes and put the gun back in its place.
"Seriously, stop sneaking up on me. One day, you'll regret it."
"One day, maybe you'll stop being paranoid in your own house" he says and walks closer to me.
My paranoia is the reason I'm still breathing. Or the reason I feel like going insane. Or both. Porsche stopped to admire the city, keeping some distance between us.
"Why aren't you in your room?" I ask.
"For the same reason you're not in yours."
I don't feel like talking too much. I'm still thinking of all the other decisions I could've made and how would have that changed the outcome.
"Hey"
I only glance at him. His eyes are fixed on me, demanding for answers.
"Why did you let all of this happen?"
He must be thinking more about his brother.
"I needed the evidence."
"There was no evidence at all!"
"I didn't know that!"
"So it was better to trust your ex?"
"I did what I thought it's best for the family."
"What about you then?" he said exasperated.
It doesn't matter what I want. I don’t answer.
"Why didn't you tell me? About your plan?" he continued.
"You were too busy messing around" I said, carefully to not imply anything.
Porsche always puts me in difficult positions. How could I prove his innocence when I didn't know what he was doing? How could I explain it to the others?
"You're talking about Vegas, aren't you?" Porsche says and I frown in disgust.
I guess my eyes betrayed me. I don’t know why though, because usually I’m good at hiding my feelings.
"Can we talk tomorrow?" I say on what I hope to be a tired tone.
"You thought I might betray you just because I followed him a bit?"
More like I was afraid of Vegas hurting him somehow... I keep smoking silently, but I definitely can't make order in my thoughts with Porsche talking.
"That's why you didn't tell me anything?"
I know what follows after this question. I turn to look at him and throw the cigarette away. Porsche hesitates a second, but then he decides to go on with it.
"You don't trust me, do you?"
I do. I'm trying. I'm seriously trying, but he doesn't know how hard it is for me. Will he understand if I just explain all of it to him? Can he relate even a bit to what I'm feeling all the time?
"At the end of the day, I'm just one of your bodyguards..."
"Porsche!"
Now he is pissing me off. Do I really have to say out loud every single thing which passes through my mind? To translate every feeling into words?
I walk close behind him. I wrap my arms around his waist and press my forehead on his shoulder. His back is tensed, but he lets me hug him anyway.
"Not true" I say.
"Why then?" he insists.
"Porsche, I'm tired."
"Of me?" he says with a note of irony.
"What the fuck, no!"
I kiss his nape softly.
"Never" I add.
I pull his body closer to mine, hips to hips, feeling his comforting scent and warmth. I kiss his neck all over, so gently that he shivers. Porsche tries (not that hard) to get away from my embrace, but I tightened my arms around his waist. I kiss along his jawline and he tilts his head back, enough for me to kiss his cheek. It doesn't take long before he gives in, turning his head to kiss me back. I press my lips gently and I resist the impulse to go for more than that. Yet.
He leans his back against my chest and hesitates at first. I don't push in too much, because I want to get him to respond by himself. Damn it, it feels like I'm kissing him for the first time and I'm worried he might be uncomfortable. Since none of us is used to this tenderness, Porsche accepts the invitation and starts kissing me however he wanted. I let him. I wait for him to pull back (I never pull back first) and look him in the eyes. I can see the lights reflected in his dark orbs and I don't dare to look away. He licks his lips and I grin softly at him.
"This is how you apologize?" Porsche says playfully.
His mood has obviously improved. I know how insecure and anxious he can get. Porsche is incapable of seeing his worth.
"Come to my room"
Porsche nods and follows me. I barely resist from pouncing on him the next second the door closed behind us. I want to make things a bit different tonight.
I push him to the bed and make him sit on the edge. He reaches out to kiss me, but I move my head back. He doesn't say anything, looking at me confused. I put my knee on the bed between his legs and I grab the back of his head. He keeps staring and staring at me with those eyes, seeking for attention. I know, so I hope I can give him some answers now.
I close my eyes and kiss his forehead, searching for his buttons with my other hand. Porsche wants to help me undress him, but I don't let him do that either. He goes for my clothes instead. I press my forehead on his and use both hands to get rid of his clothes. Here, in the dim lights, all I can focus on are his breaths. I gave up thinking of anything else and paid all attention to him.
I nuzzle his neck and run a hand through his hair, pulling it gently to get him lift his head and expose his neck for me. I slowly kiss and lick his luscious skin. I feel his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallows and I can't help but press an open mouthed kiss over it.
Porsche's hand hugs my shoulder and I push him down in the sheets. I want to be careful with him, at least now, once in a while. I want him to see how much I love and worship him. I want to make his doubts disappear.
He gets what I'm trying to do, so he goes on with the flow. I caress his neck with my fingers and use my other hand to touch his chest. His skin is smooth and hot, asking for some marks on it. I won't do it though. Not now.
I kiss around his nipples and brush the tip of my tongue over them, Porsche squirming under me, pushing his shoulders forward and pressing his back against the bed. His fingers go through my hair and scratch my scalp firmly, as a response to what he's feeling.
"Kinn..." he whispers breathlessly.
God, it's so hard to be this gentle with him. My control is so thin and I got so used to us doing it roughly that it's almost frustrating, but it's something satisfying in this which is keeping me from losing it. I urge him to lie properly on the bed and I get on top of him. The look in his eyes is so desperate that I can't resist sinking my teeth into my bottom lip.
I place my hands on each side of his small waist and massage his skin firmly. He tossed his head back and arched his body, making the lines of his neck and collarbone look more prominent, sexy. To me, he looks like he was carved in perfection. His soft groans and natural movements are enough to make my mouth water. I take off his pants, toss them somewhere on the floor and I take my time to undress too.
I change my position to sit comfortably between his legs. I place both hands on his thighs and his muscles tense under my touch. I massage them up and down, slow and firm, waiting for him to relax. The curves of his body are so tempting, so sexy and beautiful. His skin is beautiful. His demanding eyes and pouted lips are attractive. His scent damn it, so masculine and refreshing.
I move my hands inwards his thighs and keep doing the same motion, going up, close to the edge of his briefs, and down to his knees. I can't resist and put my hand on his crotch, making him shiver again. I don't move it. Porsche hisses. I'm sure he can feel the warmth of my touch through the fabric as much as I can feel his. I keep working on his thigh and Porsche moves his hips into my touch. I wanted to feel him getting hard in my hand.
"If you could see how beautiful you are..." I say.
"Yeah... S-Sure..." Porsche says doubtful.
I look into his eyes and wait for a few moments, to make sure he won't break the eye contact.
"I mean it, Porsche"
I let go of his crotch and lift one of his legs from behind his knee. I press my lips on the inner side of his thigh while glaring into his eyes. He is swallowing in anticipation as I move with the kisses closer to his crotch. I suck his skin just enough to leave reddish marks behind, marks that only I get to see and know about.
"Kinn..."
I let go of his thigh and kiss him. I lick each one of his lips, and then I gently tug on them with my teeth. Porsche grabs my hair and impatiently sneaks his tongue into my mouth. I let him dominate and he does, bold and passionate. His tongue fucks into my mouth, wetter and sweeter, and I let him draw a soft groan from me.
I move back to pull his briefs down, then I take mines off too. I fix him with my sight and lick my palm for no reason before touching his cock. He is already wet with precome and we have lube, but I didn't bother to reach out for it.
I lean down to kiss him again as he gets used to my touch, before I trail hot, open mouthed kisses down his neck and along his beautiful collarbone. I rubbed in circles with my thumb over the tip to make the friction smoother, stroked gently and twisted my wrist until I got him rocking his hips to thrust into my hand.
I savor the moment before I press down on his hip to hold him in place. I did him slow, teasingly, focusing on kissing every inch of his body.
"Mmh..."
Porsche grips my shoulders tightly, leaving imprints in my skin with his nails. It's almost like he's losing it more than usual. His voice is so... Dammit...
"You're so delicious" I whisper on his skin.
I stroke him with more pressure and suck on his nipple, his moans becoming my only errand. I watched the way his neck strained as he dropped his head back, the way his Adam's apple moved obscenely with every sound that escaped his throat and how beautiful his collarbone was standing out.
"F-Fuck..." he curses under his breath.
It's arousing me so much it's almost painful. Every response he is giving to my touch is electrifying through my body, twitching down my cock and making my blood rush through my veins. I could easily get off only by watching him, watching his perfect shape and listening to his soft whimpers. Gosh, I want to fuck him so much, so hard to screw up his insides. I won't though. Not now.
"Ah, so fuckable..."
"Fucking shit Kinn!" Porsche cussed me.
I wasn't sure if I should let him cum or not, even though he was begging for it, obvious from how his body squirms in response. I decide to let him. Intercourse feels better when he becomes more sensitive and responsive.
I hurried the pace just enough to build up his orgasm, urging him to relax and let me do it gently until the end. Porsche breathes and breathes in deeply through his lips, his nails digging in my shoulders. His grip tightens as he comes, moaning and shaking. I look at his face, his eyes closed and sucking his lips from pleasure. I could watch him all day and never get bored.
"...the fuck are you up to?" he murmurs after a silent break.
I take the lube and pour in my palm as much as I considered necessary. I coated myself with it, finally touching my hard erection.
"Nothing" I answer. "I can't treat you gentle now and then?"
"You-..."
I push his knee up and slide two fingers inside him. His insides are hot and welcoming compared to my cold touch. Porsche shivers and clicks his teeth, breathing deep in and out. I prepare him with patience, teasing his spot with gentle strokes until Porsche becomes a shuddering mess.
I know how much he loves when he lets me dominate him. He enjoys to be held against a wall, but he also enjoys seeing me losing my minds. It's a game we both started, but I don't want him to get the wrong idea. Just because we're messing around like that, just because I find pleasure in everything he does to me doesn't mean that's all I want from him and nothing else. I care for how he feels too, I want him to be satisfied too.
I pull my fingers out and take hold of his waist. Porsche's hands turn into fists, clenching on the sheets as I smoothly fit myself in him. Hot and tight, I'm barely keeping it slow. No. I planned to take him slow and that's exactly what I'm going to do.
I move to sit better and closer to his body, then I lean down to kiss him. He lets go of the sheets and hugs me, moaning low into my mouth. I kiss him the same way I fuck him, carrying and gentle, and his body shivers again and again.
"Relax, Porsche" I whisper softly to his ear.
He closed his eyes and lifts his chin. I run my fingers through his hair and he tilts his head in approval. I keep scratching his scalp as I place butterfly kisses all over his face and neck. His body is damp with sweat by now and he smells so good, so wild; I can't get enough of the salty yet sweet taste on my tongue.
His breaths become moans and his moans become breaths. He is hard against my stomach and he rocks his hips to match the rhythm. His fingers wrap around the base of my neck and fondle at my skin just like the paws of a cat.
"Ahh, so good" Porsche moans.
My breath hitches. He is holding his bottom lip between his teeth and I swear he is smiling. It sets such a bright fire inside me, which keeps burning and burning every single corner of my doubts and worries, giving space for pleasure and satisfaction. I moan too. I moan his name and he is delighted.
I thrust my hips the way I know I can reach his spot best, the way I know he likes the most and seeing him enjoying this is more than enough for me, it's more than it takes to get me all worked up with desire. I know his body better than I know mine. I want him and that's all that matters.
"Kinn" he whispers...
Needy.
I use one hand to stand above him and take him in the other. I feel it close as pleasure swirls in the depths of my body, building my orgasm, and as Porsche's hips move frantically. His hands tightened around my neck and he put his legs around my waist. He opens his mouth into a silent scream and I kiss him, both turning into a precious mess of moans and tongues. I refuse to let go even when he comes, my name shaking on his lips. It makes me shiver. He doesn't let go of me either. I fuck him through his climax and I keep thrusting through mine, his insides throbbing as my hot cum fills him up and drips out.
Porsche's legs fall on the bed and I pull out. His body goes putty and I give him a long kiss on the forehead. He hugs me lazily and drags me closer until I rest my head on his chest. I kiss him, again and again, his smooth skin... I can't help it.
I love you.
"I trust you" I say. "More than anything."
He hugs me tighter and hides his face in my neck.
Please stay by my side. I do trust you. I believe in you. I opened my heart again, just for you. So please trust me with yours. Trust me with your body and trust me with everything.
"I trust you" Porsche says.
I hug him back. There's no need to speak.
***
[Note: People say that "I love you" and "I love you too" are two different things. I think I understand why now. It’s more powerful to say "I love you" than repeating and adding the "too". Of course, when someone says "I love you" you’re going to answer with "I love you too", but if you actually mean it, you need to be the first to say it to the other person from time to time.]