Chapter Text
I squinted my eyes against the ray of sunshine filtering through my finger-smudged windshield. A dirty thought temporarily rushed through my mind as I imagined those fingerprints were from someone other than me, knowing full well they were simply my desperate attempts to wipe away the morning dew.
Shutting off the engine of my MK3 Escort, I released the sigh that I had been holding all morning. When will I stop coming back here? The gloomy thought trickled in as I stared across the Hawkins High School parking lot. Despite having graduated two years ago, I repeatedly found myself trudging back to the office of the school’s guidance counselor, Ms. Kelley.
Kicking open the car door with the heel of my moccasins, I filtered through a maze of young students. Fashion seemed to get louder with each passing year, tricking my mind as if I were swimming against a sea of crayons. Most kids were waiting for their bus, parents, or partners to pick them up. I had never been in their situation, having driven myself home all four years of high school. Judging by the glances of the youthful eyes around me, I must have looked like a teacher, their assumptions cemented further by the file folder beneath my arm.
Trudging into the open doorway, a familiar mantra rang out in my head.
Don’t see Eddie Munson. Don’t see Eddie Munson. Don’t-
“Maggie.”
The sound of my own name made me slip in my soft shoes, the folder nearly tumbling to the ground in a pool of paper. Luckily, four years of high school embarrassment were far behind me, and I was able to keep my balance as I met Ms. Kelley’s smiling face.
“Didn’t expect you so early,” she beamed, plucking the folder away from me. “Shall we head to my office?”
“I had some time before my shift,” I explained, trailing behind her.
She swung open the door to her office in what was now a nearly empty hallway. As I followed her in, I released my second sigh of the day. There had been no run-in with Eddie Munson, and that was always a blessing. Ms. Kelley seemed to understand that familiar puff, glancing up with a smirk. Extending a hand, she gestured for me to sit. “These are even better than last year,” she beamed while flipping through my papers. “Schools would be foolish not to accept you. Even if you had applied to college with last year’s essays, you still would have gotten in.” She raised her dark brows, seeing straight through the facade I had worn so tightly for the past six years.
“Last year, I just… wasn’t ready. And the year before that…”
She reached across her desk to touch my shoulder. The warmth of her hand flooded through my windbreaker, her presence always a comfort. Muttering a note of appreciation, I blinked away the forming tears.
“Maggie, I think this is your year. You can submit these essays before the summer and get a reply before September.” She tossed my portfolio on her desk with a heavy thud. Every essay, certificate, and application I had written over the past three years were in there - whispering of a future that seemed more like a fantasy adventure than any kind of reality. “And if my advice is worth anything to you, I strongly suggest you look at out-of-state colleges.”
That was out of the option. “You know why I can’t do that Ms. Kelley.”
“Your parents will be fine, Maggie. They just want what’s best for you.”
“Someone has to be here.”
She gently rolled her head to her shoulder. “To take care of the house? I don’t think so, Maggie.”
“To take care of…” I gestured wildly as if the answer were somewhere in the air. “Them.”
Ms. Kelley released her own sigh, the sound of it echoing my frustrations. The look in her chocolate eyes worried me - as if she were staring back at something broken. I wasn’t broken - she constantly reminded me of that - but the longer I sat around in Hawkins, the more I believed a complete undoing of my soul was imminent.
“Maggie.” She had a habit of saying my name in every sentence. “Just see how things play out. Send these to every college you’re interested in. You don't need to make any decision until you get the results.”
Hardly believing my own voice, I nodded. “Okay.”
“Promise me?”
Unable to avoid it any longer, I grinned. “I won’t let you down.”
“Always happy to see that smile,” she chuckled. “It’s been a while. And Maggie, you know I will always write a glowing recommendation for you. Come back next Wednesday. I’ll have several copies ready for you.” There was a long pause between us as she realized I wasn’t getting up to leave. Perhaps I did want to talk about something else, or perhaps I was simply distracted, but her next words undoubtedly took me by surprise. “Have you spoken to Eddie?”
My head snapped back, curly hair smacking my red cheeks. “What? Eddie? Why would I…?” My laughter was practically a snort. “No. No, I haven’t even thought about-” She rose her brows. “I really haven’t.”
She leaned forward, hands clasped in a ball of adult wisdom. “Eddie was a source of comfort to you once. I know if you were to welcome him back into your life, he would gladly come. And honestly, I think you would be a good role model to him. You could apply for colleges together.”
This time my snort was intentional. Eddie? College? Even though he had the talent and brains for it, he just wouldn’t. There were so many reasons Eddie held himself back, but the truth of it was as simple as that. He just did. Nobody could persuade Eddie to do anything but Eddie.
Part of Ms. Kelley’s question angered me, but the emotion was irrational. She was simply scratching an old itch that I was responsible for letting fester. With a soft smile, I released the tension in my shoulders. “I’ll see what I can do.”
She nodded slowly. “Just make sure you come back next Wednesday. Let’s get this college show on the road!” Bringing her hands together, a clap echoed through the room and seemed to lift my spirits, if only slightly.
“Thank you, Ms. Kelley. I’ll be back next week.”
After fastening my paper beneath my arm once more, I bolted through the empty hallway. There were still a few students wandering the halls, pressed against lockers to whisper sweet nothings or heading for the track in their grass-stained uniforms. I could recall my own teenage figure among them, slinking towards my car with a giant contrabass strapped to my back. The memory brought a smirk to my face as I stepped into the spring sunshine.
Despite my newly uplifted spirit, I felt my heart sink to the gravel upon approaching my car. From across the lot, I could spot the one person I had so passionately begged the universe to hide: Eddie Munson. His nickname, ‘The Freak’, had no place in my head or on my tongue. I hated the term almost as much as I hated what had become of us.
“Typical,” I groaned.
I let my eyes linger a second longer as I watched him and his friends lean against the brick wall. Their names were distant echoes in my head, lost over the six years Eddie and I had hardly spoken. A cigarette hung from their leader's lips as he dramatically waved his arms, likely recalling their last DnD combat and all of the drama that had come with it. Part of me was relieved that most of the drama in Eddie Munson’s life was related to an adventure game, while the other half of me was bitter that my story couldn’t be the same. Staring at him, all I wanted to do was pluck that cigarette from his mouth… if only to take a drag myself.
Lord knows I could have used a cigarette every time I saw Eddie Munson.
Pushing down feelings of regret, I crawled into my car to give my engine a rough awakening. The sputtering sound of my Escot seemed to catch the attention of Eddie, who looked over in its direction. Our eyes met, if only for a second, as I pulled out of the pothole-infested lot. It was highly unlikely he saw me, and even if he did… would it have mattered?
Eddie Munson and I were strangers. It hadn’t always been that way, but it was now.
And it was entirely my fault.
---
I ran the grey cloth over the bar once more, knowing full well that I was only pushing the stickiness further into the wood than actually cleaning. The sound of pool balls clanking together rang in my ears, snapping me from my scrubbing daze. As I looked up, I could see a half-smiling Wayne Munson watching me from across the bar.
“Where’s your mind gone to today?”
I blinked back into reality, completely unsure of where my mind had even been. To get a sense of my surroundings, I took in the sights of my workplace. Nothing ever changed at the VFW Bar, including the members. The large plaque on the back wall stared at me: Veterans of Foreign Wars. Despite Ms. Kelley encouraging me to get out and explore the world, these soft-spoken elders had become a large source of comfort over the past year in a way that almost made me want to stay.
“Thinking back to that fire?”
Wayne’s voice startled me once more as I glanced at his baseball cap. He seemed to wear a different one every week, but this one was familiar. It had the logo for Eddie’s band on it, badly patched in the center. I remembered Eddie fumbling with the needle when we were just thirteen years old, wanting to make the perfect Christmas gift for his new guardian. Wayne Munson was encouraging, despite not being able to spend much time at home. In truth, he had been coming to the bar ever since his return from the Vietnam War, and struggled to be present in any space.
“Nah,” I chuckled. “It was awful what happened to all of those people-”
“But you’re happy to not be working at that sex studio?”
I reached across the bar, slapping his arm with my rag. “It was a Jazzercise studio, Wayne. And I’ll remind you that I was just the receptionist.”
“Makes no difference to me.”
I smiled, shaking my head. There was no sense in trying to correct the mind of a veteran. “Just been thinking about college,” I confessed. “My counselor is telling me to apply before the summer’s out.”
“You’re a smart kid. Always were. If you and Eddie had stayed in touch, he might have a bit more direction in his life.”
Wayne always made it a point to mention Eddie. Every day. He was my favorite customer, someone I had known since my youth, but I was somehow more familiar with the older Munson than his nephew. His damn nephew, who made my stomach flip at the same time my heart broke.
“Still don’t understand what happened there,” he mumbled against the rim of his beer. “Forget I asked. Have a shot with me before I head off.”
I poured us both a shot of whiskey, our usual routine that provided me with a lingering warmth after Wayne left for work in the evenings. The clock had just ticked seven, and I knew that Eddie was likely returning home from his DnD club to that suffocating, yet ironically empty house. Part of me wanted to push Wayne back out the door when he strolled in daily, if only to get him to spend more time with Eddie. And yet, I also knew that Wayne Munson wouldn’t be able to get through most evenings without his liquor.
Sometimes heroes couldn’t see themselves as anything other than monsters.
As we sipped our shot in silence, Wayne returned to the previous subject. “I wish I could be there for him more.”
My eyes softened. “Don’t beat yourself up about it, Wayne.”
“A little grass never hurt anyone, but… I’ve got other stuff around the house. Stuff to keep the nightmares at bay.” He ran a long hand over his face. “I always tried to keep it from him, but I just can’t be sure. Sometimes I find part of my stash missing and I just-”
Channeling Ms. Kelley, I leaned across the counter to place a comforting hand over his shoulder. “I know Eddie and I haven’t been close over the past few years, but he’s not doing that stuff, Wayne. He’s kind of a nerd, you know. He’s too into his games to have his mind fogged up.”
Wayne chuckled, tugging his cap further over his ears. “Don’t know where he got that from. Probably from you.”
My hands froze over the glasses in the sink, heart pounding in my chest. I had been the one to tell Eddie about DnD when we were kids - that much was true. Was the defining feature of Eddie Munson, apart from his illegal side hustle, something that I had taught him? The simple thought made me warm, but I was able to convince myself it was only the whiskey.
“Hey, kid.” Wayne Munson was now standing, stretching his back with a groan. “Apply for those schools. Get out of Hawkins and live near a beach.” He reached across the bar to grip my hand, giving it a small squeeze. “And if you can, take my nephew with you.”
---
The next day was much of the same. Sleeping off the early morning, cleaning the dust of my empty house, heading to the library to get some sense of human interaction, and making my way to the VFW Club in the early afternoon. It was empty, save for one man who was fixated on his daily crossword puzzle. As I reached across the table to give him his vodka, I pointed to number 16 down.
“Remorse,” I said simply.
The white-haired veteran blinked up at me with a yellow grin. He was also a regular but chose to spend most of his time alone. We hadn’t spoken much, keeping our language of friendship exclusively to crossword answers. He grinned as my suggestion fit perfectly in the boxes.
“Smart cookie."
Pulling a folded paper from my back pocket, I spread it out over the table. “I stole this from Indianapolis. I had to make a visit last weekend and the crosswords are different there. Give it a try.”
“Hospital again?”
I nodded.
“Oh, Maggie. Thank you.” Every breath he spoke was genuine.
I patted his back. “No problem, Gary.”
As I crossed back to the bar, the chime of the bell over the door startled me to a halt. Glancing up, every hair on my body rose without warning. My breath caught in my chest as if my inner demons had clutched it in their fiery grip. Everything else seemed to slow, the scribbling of Gary’s pencil a distant hum behind me. The brown eyes that stared back at me wore an aura of playfulness, a gradual smirk forming beneath them. My guest was none other than Eddie Munson, and I was made acutely aware that there was nobody in the bar to drag me out of a conversation. I knew, in the pit of my stomach, that Eddie had come here for me.
But why?
Despite being good at crosswords, I was never good with actual words. “Eddie,” I sputtered, clutching the front of my apron. Suddenly, I felt embarrassed by the curls sprouting out of my loose ponytail and the heavy bags beneath my eyes. Not that Eddie would ever notice such things, or care about them if he did. That much I knew.
He took a long stride forward, hands tucked into the back pockets of his black jeans. A chain danced around his hip as he swept forward, pulling me into an awkward embrace. My arms refused to lift from my sides, internal panic intensifying.
“Been a while, friend.”
His words were painfully ironic. As he pulled back from me, he kept his hands on my raised shoulders. Everything about my posture echoed prey captured by its predator, but Eddie simply wore a lopsided grin without notice.
“Can I… Do you… Are you looking for your uncle? You know, he doesn’t usually come until-”
“I came here for you.”
All I could feel was an outpour of regret, hurt, and… what was the word I had said to Gary?
“Remorse,” I mumbled aloud.
“What?”
“Nothing.” I snapped my jaw shut. “W-what do you need? Did Ms. Kelley talk to you about college applications?”
A raised brow disappeared beneath his bangs. “What?”
Just shut up, Maggie.
“Nevermind,” I mumbled.
He released me with a step backward, hands gesturing outward with an unspoken suggestion. It was so Eddie. He might not have been a Dungeon Master until his high school years, but theatrics had always been part of his personality.
“My lady,” he dramatically bowed. “I request your presence this evening at a game.”
My eyes narrowed at his Hellfire Club shirt. “What about those freshmen?”
Both of us realized my mistake in an instant. Eddie Munson and I weren’t friends. We didn’t talk. There was no possible way for me to know he had added freshmen to his team - three young boys. The only reason I did know was because I had seen them conversing during one of my visits to Ms. Kelley. And yet, I had no energy or mindset to explain myself to the surprised eyes staring back at me.
“Well,” he mumbled, clearly surprised. “Those freshmen are on the hunt for another player as we speak. I’m putting the pressure on them, but…” He shrugged slightly, a softer, more familiar smile crossing his face. “I figured I’d ask the best player in town.”
My eyes moved to his hairline, his curls a painful reminder of the time we had lost. The last time we had truly been close, Eddie hardly had any hair at all.
“I’m sorry. I have to work tonight.” Spinning on my boot heels, I made my way behind the bar. My answer was clearly not satisfactory, as he plopped himself in the opposite chair.
“Come on. I know you finish at eight. I’d push the game back.” He clasped his hands under his chin, flashing me a wink. “For you.”
My hands gripped a cocktail shaker as I offered the smallest smile I could muster. “I’m sorry, Eddie. I really can’t.” Saying his name was like a punch to the side of the head, giving me an immediate headache.
Eddie’s eyes seemed to search mine for a moment. The last time he had looked at me in such a way had been out of confusion rather than persuasion, the memory of it knotting my stomach into an immediate cramp. As much as I wanted to look away, those brown eyes were asking me something more.
Where’d you go, Maggie? Why’d you lock yourself away? Weren’t we friends?
Finally, Eddie puffed out a breath. His body fell limply against the chair, his head rolling to the side as his tongue slid out from his lips. Groaning like a zombie, he pushed the words out. “His persuasion roll failed with a nat 1.” I rolled my eyes, trying not to laugh at the reference. That would have felt too much like friendship. “Nah, I get it. You’ve got to earn that dough before heading off to college. Which, by the way, is happening when?”
It was a jab well deserved. “This summer."
He clearly hadn’t been expecting such a rapid answer. His gaze met mine once more with a look I could no longer decipher. Eddie Munson and I had grown up. His expressions, mannerisms, passions, and dreams had changed over the past six years. And his stare reminded me that I knew none of them.
“My uncle will miss you.”
It was the final punch to my already aching stomach. His uncle - not him - would miss me. I nodded, unable to resist a bite of my bottom lip. It was a nervous habit I had developed at a young age, and I prayed that Eddie had forgotten it over the years.
“Send him my love,” Eddie sighed, finally standing. I nodded weakly as a response. The truth was that I didn’t want him to leave, but I needed him to. Just as he was about to open the door, I saw him turn back. “Oh, and Mags.” The pet name caught me off-guard. “You’re not just a filler. I really did want you to join us tonight.”
I watched the glass door swing inward, his lean figure disappearing as suddenly as it had come. It was the most Eddie had spoken to me since my graduation ceremony, but instead of feeling relieved, I found myself wishing for one more glance.
When I finally looked away from the door, Gary’s voice rang out as he excitedly penciled in another answer.
“Longing!”