Chapter Text
“You know why you’re here, don’t you, Jean Kirstein?” Detective Levi looked at me with deadpanned eyes. It used to just be just ‘Jean,’ but that was a long time ago, when lying to cops still felt like my biggest fear. Times sure have changed.
I shook my head and breathed through my nose. Armin was right, I felt much calmer now. “No,” I said. “Could you tell me, maybe?”
There was no readable expression on Detective Levi’s face as he looked at my file. He seemed annoyed as he looked up at me again. “You’re a suspect of a murder, Jean Kirstein. I think you know how serious of an offense this is. If you plead guilty, of course.”
Armin told me to not say anything until there was a lawyer present. I felt like that would only make me more suspicious, so instead I tried to play the game. Armin was a master at it, he had everyone wrapped around his finger. “I didn’t kill anyone,” I said.
“I know you didn’t,” he answered. “But, you do know who did. Right, Jean?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said. “You won’t even tell me who died. How am I supposed to know who killed anyone?” I laughed nervously. Maybe I looked suspicious, but that was the point. I couldn’t act calm and composed, that was what any murderer would do, at least, that was what Armin said.
“Berthold Hoover,” Levi said calmly. “Moblit Berner.” He took a sip from his cup of tea. “I don’t think I need to tell you his name—you were there.”
“I told you already,” I said. “I can’t find a reason for any of them to have killed Berthold. It was a suicide, everyone knows that. Everyone but you.” Detective Levi met my gaze then. “And Moblit? You’re not seriously thinking a group of teenagers could do that to a man twice their age?”
“You tell me.” Levi leaned back in his chair. “I can sit here all day, Jean. I know you didn’t do it, you know that too. But it seems you have forgotten who your friends are here. So if you help me, I can help you.”
“They didn’t do it,” I said again. “You can look for all the evidence in the world, but you won’t find it. Because we’re innocent.” I don’t know when they turned into we, or when this group of what seemed like unaccessible strangers turned into my friends. But I do know it all started when I had to,
“Wake up, Jean,” Mom yelled through the door. “You’re gonna be late!”
I groaned and sat up straight, looking at the suitcase resting by the door. “I can’t wait,” I whispered to myself. Can’t wait to make no friends again, but this time I’m stuck living with the strangers I call classmates instead of being able to hide at home.
***
“Do you need me to help you carry your bags to your room?” Mom asked me. I looked out the window towards school; it looked like a castle more than a place you’d expect classes to be held. I didn’t want to go, and Mom knew that. Still, it seemed like she wanted me to uphold my father’s legacy, or at least not mope around the house anymore like some loser with no friends.
“I can take it up there myself,” I snapped. I wish I hadn’t been as mad with her as I had then, but I hadn’t learned my lesson yet. She just cared about me, and I was too selfish to see it.
“I’m gonna miss you, Jean,” Mom said, hugging me tight. I opened the car door with my spare hand and rolled my eyes. “Maybe you shouldn’t have send me here then,” I said coldly.
She looked at me with her sad eyes. “I know you’re mad at me, I know that doing, this, isn’t going to make him come back or get you new friends. But it’s for your own good, you can get into amazing colleges, have a fresh start, and maybe even make some friends.” She frowned but smiled nonetheless. “Just try for me, okay?”
When I didn’t answer, she sighed and let go. “If it doesn’t work out you can always come back home. This isn’t prison.”
The big front gates said otherwise. But I said noting again; I’d been enough of pain that day already. I said my goodbyes and took my suitcase up to the fourth floor, where my room was supposed to be. There would be someone to guide me through the school later, his name was Connie Springer. First I had to find my room; 413.
It wasn’t all that hard to find in the end. There was a key in the envelope they sent a week ago. The halls were almost empty; it was a Saturday, so either people were at home or spending their time any place but this weird mansion of a school. The hallways were filled with pictures on the walls. The classes went all the way back seventy years ago. And between those pictures there had to be one of the class of my father, I just didn’t bother to find it.
I found my room and carefully opened the door. I only knew the name of my roommate, everything else was a complete mystery to me. And all I hoped was that he wasn’t some douche who liked to beat up newcomers.
I could hear the noise of chatter in the room. My heart started beating fast. The idea of meeting one student was nerve wracking enough, let alone a whole group of them. In the room, or my room, stood four people in a circle. At first they didn’t seem to notice me. I just stood there watching.
“I don’t think that’s smart…” A shorter boy with blond hair and glasses said. He turned his head and our eyes met. The first thing I did was awkwardly wave. The boy only looked at me with his mouth half-open, and when the other’s noticed they went quiet, too.
A girl with dark shoulder-length hair looked at me. “Hello?” she said, sounding annoyed. Beside her was a boy with black parted hair and freckles. Unlike the others, he smiled when our eyes met.
“Oh,” I heard a taller boy say. “You must be Jean.” He looked around the room, and everyone seemed to understand something I didn’t. “I’m Berthold,” he said, holding out his hand.
I let go of my suitcase and shook it. Berthold was my roommate if I were to trust my letter. His grip was firm, which relieved me of any stress. Handshakes say a lot about a person. If his grip was loose, I’d know that there was no respect between us. And that I was doomed.
“That’s me,” I said. “Jean Kirstein.” I wanted to hide away from embarrassment. That’s me? God, Jean. No wonder you have no friends.
“Oh, right!” The blond boy said. “Introductions!” I looked at all of them. At their gray, woolen uniforms with maroon red outlines. I was wearing simple jeans and a sweatshirt, looking very underdressed.
He walked toward me and shook my hand just as firmly as Berthold had. “Sorry,” he said with a light laugh. “If we knew you’d be coming this early we wouldn’t have been bothering Berthold in his room like that. My name’s Armin.”
“Jean,” I said, even though he must have heard it before already.
The boy nudged his head toward the black-haired boy and girl. “These are Mikasa and Marco,” he said. “We’re friends of Berthold.”
“Nice to meet you, Jean,” Marco said with his smile still on his face. I returned his smile, though my lips trembled in nerves which I was sure everyone could see.
There was a moment of silence as the friends looked at each other, exchanging glances which meant something I couldn’t understand.
“We’ll let you settle in, won’t we?” Armin said to the others. Then he smiled briefly before walking out the room. Mikasa followed, not even giving me a second glance.
“See you around,” said Marco to me. His voice had a charm to it. He sounded relaxed, confident that his introduction was perfect, unlike mine.
I was left with Berthold in silence and looked around the room. My bed was made already and perfectly plain compared to Berthold’s side; not that his place was creatively decorated. There were pictures on his desk, lots of school-books and some posters of movies.
“So,” Berthold said. I looked up. “This is our room. That’s your side—“ he pointed toward the bed I just looked at. This was the place I would spend the rest of the my school time, or at least year if it were up to me. Mom said I needed to give this place a chance for one year. I was allowed to leave earlier if things really got out of hand like bullying or stuff like that. Little did she know bullies were the last thing to worry about.
I nodded as I looked around and turned to Berthold. “It’s cozy,” I said.
Berthold nodded along and turned to his desk, where his jacket was lain over his chair. “Sure is,” he said. “Look, I gotta go. You’ll be fine on your own right. Your guide will probably be here soon, anyway.”
He didn’t even give me the chance to answer. Berthold opened the door and looked at me one last time. “Later, John.”
Just like that I was alone again.
***
Berthold was right. Only five seconds after he left there was a knock on my door. Connie was just in time. He had a broad smile on his face and his handshake was very enthusiastic, nearly dragging my arm all the way down the floor.
He was now showing me around the school, which looked like it came straight out of the Harry Potter cinematic universe. All the windows were very gothic, and stained glass seemed to be the norm. The cafeteria was very brown. Even the floor had light wooden-colored tiles, and the tables were made of mahogany.
“It’s empty now,” Connie said; his voice echoed through the empty hall. “But this is where we have our breakfast and dinner. Lunch isn’t mandatory, but the food is good—“ he smiled “And Friday is pizza day.”
I had to admit that meeting Berthold and his friends wasn’t very good for my optimism. While Marco and Armin seemed nice, I had a feeling that Berthold was one of those roommates that comes and goes. He didn’t even remember my name! And Mikasa barely gave me the light of day anyway. And here was Connie, who asked me all sorts of questions out of genuine curiosity. He wanted to know why I decided to study at Helios, what my interests were, whether I had brought a PS5 with me (he sighed in disappointment when I said I hadn’t. Then he said we should start a crowdfunding to get one because he had a TV and a PS5 is a must).
“We have a lot of the same classes, by the way,” he said. “Sucks that you take honors calc, I’m bad at it, and so is Sasha. You could have helped us out.”
I laughed slightly. “Sorry,” I said. “Maybe I’ll get graded down and then I’ll be with you in class anyway.”
I was still wearing my every-day clothes. Everything about this school seemed so pretentious and smart that I felt like an idiot just by looking at the uniforms. I was only required to wear mine tomorrow as it was my first day. Even Connie, who admitted to me was anything but bright, seemed like he belonged in the top classes by his uniform alone. The logo of the school was two swords crossing each other, and it was embroiled on the chest part of the jackets. m
place like he was only here because his parents made him go, which would make two of us.
“What’s your first class tomorrow?” Connie asked me then.
“I think I have calculus, but I’m not sure actually.” I reached for the note I kept in my back pocket. My week schedule was on there, but eventually I would have to memorize it.
“Ah that sucks,” Connie said, shaking his head. “I have biology, else I could have taken you there myself.” He looked at the note in my hand and nodded. “But I can show you the classroom already, just to make sure you have at least the slightest idea of where you have to go.”
I smiled at him. “Thanks.”
***
When I got back to my room it was empty. The tour lasted a short thirty minutes, and I had the room to myself to unpack. While I was still anxious about Berthold, I was kind of glad that he hadn’t taken all his friends here again in the moment I was gone.
I let myself fall on the bed when I was done. I was so tired that I fell asleep in seconds, and only woke up the next day, just in time for breakfast. Berthold’s bed was empty and perfectly made.
I was nervous about breakfast, knowing I was new and knew absolutely no one. I had prepared myself to sit alone somewhere in a corner when I heard someone call my name. I turned my head and saw Connie wave at me.
“Jean!” He said. “Over here!”
I released an anxious breath. My beating heart slowed down as I made my way over to Connie’s table. Next to him sat a girl with brown hair tied in a ponytail. She was devouring her breakfast as if it was her final meal.
“I thought you weren’t going to show up,” said Connie. Then he nodded at the girl. “Jean, meet Sasha. Sasha, meet Jean. This is the new guy I told you about.”
Sasha looked at me. “Nice to meet you,” she said with her mouth still stuffed with food.
“Likewise.” I looked around the hall; It was enormous, though there were not that many students. I knew it was an exclusive school, but exclusive had to be an understatement. The only reason I even got in was because I was an alumni and had good enough grades.
“So, why’d you come to to Helios?” Connie asked me before taking a bite from his food.
I froze. I didn’t have some dark secret other than not having many friends and this being a school filled with opportunity. But it was pathetic, wasn’t it? Going to a prep school because it might be the only way to make friends; what a genius my mom was.
“My father went here,” I said. “It’s a great opportunity and all that stuff.”
“Why didn’t you come here in the first year?” Sasha chimed in. “Or did you not have enough money? That’s all okay, of course— I didn’t mean that-“ Connie elbowed Sasha before she could say anything else.
“Not everyone wants to go to some prestigious boarding school.” Just as Connie spoke I saw Berthold walking past me, he didn’t look back at me. He was following a tall bigger blond guy. Next to him walked a short girl with blonde hair, and behind them were Armin and Marco. Lastly, Mikasa with a boy with brown hair and green eyes. He was busy talking, wearing a big frown on his face.
When Sasha noticed me staring, she spoke again, “Don’t you ever wonder what they’re talking about?” She sighed.
“They’re probably shoving Adderall down their throats every time they have to study,” said Connie.
“Really?” I looked at Connie before turning my head back to the group. “Berthold’s my roommate.” They all sat down at a table a few rows removed from us. Marco met my eyes and smiled. I looked away quickly.
“Berthold’s your roommate?” Connie said, putting down his drink with a heavy thud. “No fucking way.”
“Yeah?” I said. “He seems nice.” Though everyone seems nice when the only conversation you’ve had was a single “hello.”
“What does his room look like?” Sasha asked. She leaned toward me. Her eyes were wide. “Some people say they’re busy with the occult, but I think they just do lots of drugs.”
“Occult?”
“Occult?” I tried to steal another glance, this time at Mikasa who talked with a straight face to the boy with green eyes.
“Don’t take her seriously,” Connie said. “It’s all stupid rumors. They’re just a bunch of people that feel like they’re more important than everyone else. They study a lot, get good grades, that’s about it.”
“So it’s a study group,” I said.
“No. No. No.” Connie shook his head. “It’s not some sort of membership thing. They all have good grades, but it’s not how you get in the group.”
“So, how do you?”
“D’you want to get in?” Connie asked, he raised an eyebrow.
“I’m only curious.”
“Well, if you find out, do tell me,” he said.
I looked down at my plate, of which I hadn’t taken a single bite. But I wasn’t all that hungry. I thought back to when I met Berthold and the others in our room. They were mysterious— sure. But they didn’t look all that exclusive, or whatever you’d like to call it.
“Who’s the guy sitting next to Mikasa?” I asked.
“That’s Eren” Connie said. “The only thing I know about him besides that he has a temper is that he, Mikasa and Armin go way back. They were a friend group even before our first year.”
“You never talked to him?” I frowned.
“Nope.” Connie shrugged. “I think the only person of them to even acknowledge my existence is Marco, but that was only because we had a science project together.”
“I met Marco,” I said then. “Mikasa, Armin, Berthold, and Marco were in my room talking when I first got here.”
Sasha leaned forward. “About what?” she said. “Please tell me it was about the occult, please.”
I shook my head. “They just stopped talking the minute I walked in.”
“See?” Connie answered. “Just a bunch of weirdos.”
I wished I’d listened to him when he said that. But there was something about the friend group that made me unable to look away, they were like a painting; the Birth of Venus by Botticelli. But there was something hiding behind all that beauty, and instead of turning my gaze I looked further and further.
***
I learned more about Berthold and his friends; though Connie was hesitant to answer all my questions, he did eventually. The tall blonde guy was named Reiner, supposedly he was Berthold’s best friend. They were inseparable, some even said they might have been dating. I never found out, and probably never will. Then you had Eren, who had a story to tell more tragic than something written by Homer. Though I only heard his side of it later; Connie told me both he and Mikasa were victims of an attempted child trafficking. He apparently murdered their three captors; this all happened at the young age of nine. No wonder they were so mistrusting.
But how the seven of them became friends is a mystery to everyone. Reiner and Marco were roommates, so were Historia and Mikasa. The more I found out about them through Connie, the more I wanted to ask Berthold himself. But like the first day, he was hardly in the room. I saw him late at night and early in the mornings. Sometimes he would come in and fall asleep on his bed without even changing, then, when I woke up he was gone again. In the weekends he was even less in the room.
Two weeks had went by at Helios. Even Mom was surprised by how little I seemed to complain, or call for that matter. I had to admit that the first weeks there were great. Sasha and Connie felt like people I’d known all my life. We would hang out in my room a lot since it was empty most of the time. Even the strange attitude of Berthold didn’t bother me. I had barely spoken to him since we first met. The rest of the group hadn’t been in our room either, and I was fine with it.
It was after these two weeks that things started to take a very dark turn. It happened so slowly I barely even realized it. It’s like sitting outside before sunrise, blinking, and the whole sky being dark covered in stars. Nothing could have prepared me for what the rest of the school year would come to look like. And if you had told me, I wouldn’t have believed you, anyway.
***
It was Friday when it happened. The school had two buildings; Helios 1, the one where we slept, ate, and lived. And Helios 2, were our actual classes were held. I was just done with all my classes when I heard the sound of sirens from the open window.
Of course I was worried, but this worry was distant. Like when you know something’s wrong, but there’s no way it could ever involve you. I walked out of Helios 2 and followed the path to our home building when I saw at least four police-cars swerving by. I went through the back entrance to avoid al the ruckus, which is a good thing now that I think about it.
There was police-tape at the elevators, so I took the stairs to the fourth floor, which was barricaded by a wall of police men. I tapped one on the shoulder and he turned around. His eyes were covered with sunglasses.
“What’s going on?” I asked. I started hearing the sound of crying, and then I heard the whispers. “…Killed himself…” a short man said as he passed by.
“You can’t go here,” the police man said to me. He put his hand on my shoulder.
“But my room is here,” I said. “Four-thirteen.” I tried to peer past him, but the man was tall. “Can’t I just get my stuff.” I finally managed to look past him and saw my room was left open. “What’s going on, sir?”
That was when the cop looked at me. “You’re Jean Kirstein?” he asked.
I felt a lump in my throat but nodded. “Yes,” I muttered. “Can you tell me what happened? Why is my room all taped up?”
“I’m gonna need you to come with me to the office, we’d like to ask you a few questions.”
“Not if you won’t tell me what happened,” I said. I felt frozen in place; suddenly it all made sense, the crying people, the cops in front of the school, the ambulance.
“We’re gonna need you to tell us everything you know about Berthold Hoover.”