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Simply put, Jungkook did not want to be here.
His relationship with his hometown was… complicated, to say the very least. The town was like a landmine to him, and up to this point, he had done an expert job of avoiding it. He had his plethora of excuses for why he couldn’t come home to visit his family- a year’s worth of excuses, actually. But Christmas, that is the one thing you can’t get out of.
Jungkook braced himself as the wheels of the plane made contact with the ground. The plane glided at several hundred miles an hour down the landing strip, his own mind racing faster than the wheels and his control sliding away, out of his reach.
The Uber ride home was quiet, his driver thankfully not being a chatty one. He battled the sense of dread, knowing this was a one way ticket back home, and straight to his past. The one which he’d very much rather forget. He closed his eyes, hoping a small nap would help brighten his mood, or at least just give him the energy to deal with this. It felt like not even 10 seconds after he’d closed his eyes, his Uber driver was announcing that they’d arrived. Great.
He forced himself from his seat and out of the car, gathering his luggage from the trunk, and then heading up the driveway like a death march.
Here’s the thing. Jungkook loves his family, of course. He couldn’t live without them. But they could be so, frustratingly overbearing. They had given many unwanted opinions about him, his relationships, and his career choice throughout his life, and he was very much not looking forward to two weeks of hearing about that.
And he was definitely not excited for the annual holiday traditions. Spending entire days socializing with relatives he hasn’t seen since he was a toddler? Not exactly his idea of fun.
He knocked on the door and braced himself. His cold demeanor melted just a little bit when the door opened to his parents and their wide smiles, looking so happy to see him.
Okay, sure, he had definitely missed that. And that look on someone’s face when they’re just truly glad to have you around, he didn’t get a lot of that ever since he moved to LA. There, everyone wants something, and everybody wants to be somebody. So, most of the time, when you make “friends” there, it’s less so that they love being around you, and more so that they love the idea of what being around you can do to benefit them.
So, yes, it was nice to be greeted with real warmth for the first time in a while.
But that still didn’t mean that he wanted to be here.
He eventually made his way down the hall to his old room. He flinched as he opened the door and felt the cold air hit his body. You can always tell a difference between a room that is lived in and one that is not. This particular room looked as dead as it was. He turned the lights on and was met with the image of his adolescence. Posters were plastered randomly along the walls. The room was much more bare than it had been when he lived there; he had taken so much of it with him when he moved. The queen sized bed laid in the corner, still unmade, as he had left it.
He tossed his suitcase on the ground; he figured there was no use in unpacking since he wasn’t staying that long. He stripped his clothes and threw on a T-shirt, and fell into the bed in a tired heap. And, damn, he did not remember his bed being this comfy. Compared to his one in LA, it was fit for a king.
He didn’t really own the most luxurious place back in LA. Couldn’t afford one, anyway.
He felt sleep come quickly, the exhaustion from a day of traveling catching up to him quickly, and he dozed off to the sounds of light rain and distant chatter in the living room.
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Jungkook woke up to the smell of something- he wasn’t quite sure- wafting in from the kitchen. He inhaled deeply, savoring the scent of freshly cooked homemade food. He really wasn’t the best cook while living on his own, so he’d definitely missed that.
He rolled out of bed, quietly making his way into the kitchen where his parents stood over the stove. He grabbed a mug to make some coffee, his parents turning at the noise.
“You’re up! Morning sweetie,” his mother called over her shoulder as she mixed something in a bowl.
“Ah shit!” His father exclaimed from where he was standing, now stressed over some concoction of ingredients which Jungkook had no clue was.
“What?” His mother asked, still stirring through her concern.
“We don’t have any flour or bread!”
His mom stopped what she was doing, a look of defeat now on both of their faces. Jungkook knew exactly what was about to happen.
As if on cue, his parents both turned to him with that smile that people give you when they’re about to ask a favor.
“Jungkook…” his mother began sweetly.
“Yeah, you want me to go the store to get flour. I know,” Jungkook sighed as he began walking to his room to get dressed.
“Love you!” His parents called after him.
He really did feel like he was back in high school now. He might as well have been paid a delivery fee for how often he made emergency trips to the store mid dinner preparation for his parents.
Jungkook looked around as he drove the familiar path to the grocery store. There were a few minor changes and additions here and there, but overall, the place was the same as it ever was.
He parked in a spot near the back of the lot, the store was weirdly busy for the morning but, hey, during the holidays every place is inexplicably busy all the time.
Jungkook walked through the automatic doors as they slid open, stepping into the grocery store. It had been so long since he’d been there, but it was so familiar to him. He remembered riding around the aisles in the cart as a little kid, riding along with his parents for the weekly grocery shopping, going there after school with friends so they could stock up on junk food and look through the movie section.
And, yes, it had been so long, but his feet naturally carried him, steering him directly to the exact location of the bread like it was second nature. He moved his eyes along the aisle, searching for the exact type and brand his parents asked for. They were so particular about it, always had been. He finally located the exact one, grabbing two loaves and heading down to the next destination. He turned the corner to the baking aisle, searching for the all-purpose flour along the packed shelves.
He scanned one section with no luck, and turned around to check the other side.
He stopped dead in his tracks.
There stood a man, the same age as him, just a few months older. Black hair tangled messily over his forehead, bundled up in his long brown coat and plaid scarf.
Kim Taehyung.
It couldn’t be, he thought. But he knew it was. He could recognize him from a mile away.
He panicked for a moment, having no clue what to do.
The thing is, he knew Taehyung well. Very well. They had a very long and very complicated past. And the last time he saw Taehyung, they were both in tears as Jungkook pushed himself out of Taehyung’s arms, and got into his car to drive to the airport. The last time he saw Taehyung was when he was leaving him. And, quite frankly, he wasn’t sure he was ever going to see him again. But here he stood, right in front of him, mundanely shopping for his groceries while Jungkook had a mini crisis right behind him.
This isn’t really a situation where you can just say “hi,” give a friendly smile and make small talk about the weather. But he couldn’t run because he knew that Taehyung would turn around at any moment. The last memory Taehyung had of Jungkook was of him running from him. Did he really want the first time he saw him in years to be the same?
Jungkook faltered, stumbling over a million different greetings in his mind. When he saw Taehyung start to move, he panicked and quickly turned around, pretending to look at whatever was on the shelf in front of him.
He knew the exact moment that Taehyung saw him. He heard the way his steps halted abruptly, the small but unmistakable gasp that he let out. Then there was the silence, the few moments where he knew that Taehyung was trying to figure out what to say, just like he had been just moments ago. His body was so tense he felt like he could barely even move his legs, the few seconds waiting for Taehyung to speak feeling like hours.
He flinched as he heard the words finally choke out of Taehyung’s throat.
“H-hey.”
Jungkook turned around, pretending to be shocked and putting on a faux wide eyed stare. He didn’t become an actor for nothing.
“Taehyung! Wow, it’s really… it’s really been a while, huh?”
Jungkook cringed at the way he spoke. As if he was running into a distant family member, or a friend’s mom. It wasn’t the way one would normally speak to someone who, at one point or another, you proclaimed was the love of your life.
“Yeah, years. It’s, wow, you um…” Jungkook expected Taehyung to finish the thought but he just let the sentence drift off.
“Yeah, um, I’m in town for Christmas,” Jungkook explained. He knew how shocked Taehyung must feel, seeing Jungkook standing in front of him. The same man who he hadn’t seen since he was begging him to stay, begging him to not leave town. Thinking he would never see him again. And yet…
“Sorry, it’s just, didn’t expect to see you here.” Taehyung shrugged.
“Yeah. Well, didn’t expect to find myself here either.” Jungkook replied and immediately winced at what he had said. He could see the look on Taehyung’s face, see the way that his words were burning him.
“Right. So… um, how long are you in town for?”
“For the weekend. Heading back on Monday morning.”
A look of disappointment washed over Taehyung’s face, but there was no surprise there. He knew whatever stay Jungkook had going on, it would be as minimal as possible.
“Ah, careful there. Bread isn’t very useful when its been smashed to a pulp.”
Jungkook looked down at the bags of bread that he had subconsciously been squeezing to his chest. He felt his face heat up as he realized that he was coming off so outwardly nervous.
Sure, Jungkook was an amazing actor. But Taehyung, that was maybe the one thing in the world he couldn’t pretend about.
Jungkook forced out an awkward laugh as he took the bread away from his chest and held it as his sides instead.
“Oh, I uh, I guess I should get going. My parents are waiting for me to get this back to them.” Jungkook started to turn away.
“Of course… And, hey, tell your parents I said hi.” Taehyung called out.
Jungkook turned around to look at him, but he was already walking away. He forced himself to turn his eyes away from him.
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[Flashback- Three years ago]
Taehyung closed his eyes as the sunlight hit him through the window of the car. He basked in the warmth of the rays as he laid out in the backseat.
Jungkook breathed against his chest as he laid atop him.
“What’re you thinking about?” Taehyung looked down at Jungkook, who brought his head up and rested his chin on his chest to look at him.
“You, but that sounds so cheesy,” Jungkook’s nose scrunched as he giggled.
“Well, then I’m cheesy too.” Taehyung smiled as he combed his fingers through Jungkook’s hair.
Jungkook moved up and kissed him lazily, Taehyung sitting up and bringing him into his lap. He trailed his lips down to kiss along Jungkook’s neck before resting it on his shoulder.
“We should probably head back soon,” Taehyung muttered.
“Mm, I don’t wanna,” Jungkook whined, making Taehyung laugh at his childlike protesting.
“We can’t stay naked in the back of my truck forever. People will catch us.”
“Oh well.”
“Yeah, oh well until we get arrested for public indecency.”
“Ugh, you’re such a stickler.” Jungkook rolled his eyes.
Taehyung grabbed at the clothes on the floor that they had discarded in an impatient frenzy an hour or so ago. He wasn’t sure, they had lost track of time. They always did.
“Come on, put your clothes on so I can drive you home.”
Jungkook sighed but obliged. Before Taehyung could get into the front seat, Jungkook grabbed him, ambushing him with a barrage of kisses.
“J- Jun… Jungkook!” Taehyung could barely get the words out as his lips were bombarded with a constant stream of kisses.
Jungkook pulled off of him in a fit of giggles, falling back onto the seat and trying to pull Taehyung back down with him, unsuccessfully.
Taehyung scooped him up, locking him in his arms. Jungkook tried to wrestle himself out but couldn’t, relenting to lay on top of him, putting his entire dead weight on him to trap him.
“Jungkook!” Taehyung admonished again, giving him a few playful hits to the back.
“Ugh, fine! But you’re seeing me tomorrow to make up for this.” Jungkook stuck his tongue out at him before hopping into the front seat.
“You’re such a brat.” Taehyung gave him a faux angry glare.
“Mhm, your brat.”
“Whatever.” Taehyung rolled his eyes as he put the truck in gear and pulled Jungkook’s hand into his own, driving off.
~~~
Jungkook grabbed the pile of mail from the box, tensing up immediately when he saw the envelope on the top, labeled University of Mississippi.
He had been anxious all week about the letter arriving, the fear of letting his parents down plaguing his thoughts.
He walked into the kitchen, sitting down at the table and flipping the envelope around to open the seal. His entire academic career flashed before his eyes, his endless hours of studying for tests, extracurriculars, student government, Model UN. All of his desperate attempts at ensuring he would get into his undergrad, and then into law school, and prove himself to his parents. That was one of the reasons he felt so relieved about the end of the school year and graduating, no more working himself to death to make himself look good for his applications. Once he got over the hurdle of getting in, he could finally relax for the first time in his life.
He ripped open the envelope, pulling the paper out and reading over the words.
His heart skipped a beat when he read the word “Congratulations.” He let out the breath he had been holding, feeling his body finally calm down from the panicked state it had been in. He read the rest of letter, welcoming him to the class and congratulating him on his acceptance. He was so excited to see his parent’s proud smiles when he told them.
And that was exactly what he got, his parents smiling so wide, a look of pure adoration for him that he hadn’t truly seen from them since he was a young child with nothing to prove. But now he was 18, now he was an adult, and he had everything to prove. And this was it. He did it.
He rode out that high for as long as he could, letting it carry him throughout the rest of senior year and straight into graduation. Before he could even blink, it was all over. He realized that one night, sitting in his room during the first few days of summer vacation. He had spent his entire life, and especially the last few months, living in the future. And the problem with living in the future is that you don’t take the time to get to know yourself as you are.
Sure, he was there when him and his friends sped through downtown blasting the bass out of the back of the car, screaming into the night about their newfound “freedom” from graduating. He was there when he celebrated his birthday, and blew out his candles and wished for his wildest dreams to come true. He was there when Taehyung held him in the back of his truck like nobody else in this world ever could, and congratulated him on his admission to school.
He was there for all of it, but he might as well have had his eyes closed the whole time, refusing to revel in any moment of it.
When had he ever stopped and asked himself what he thought? It was always, Look everyone, I’m successful and I’ve accomplished everything I said I would. Aren’t you proud of me? Aren’t you happy for me?
And while, yes, it was a great feeling to have a room full of people smiling at you, admiring you, telling you how far you’re going to go, there was always something missing. Why couldn’t he feel happy for himself?
Jungkook reckoned if there’s anybody on this planet that he should know well, it would be himself. He lives in his body 24/7, knows all of his inner thoughts and secrets. There is nobody in the world he should have a more intimate understanding of than himself. So why does he feel like he doesn’t know himself at all?
Of course, that was the issue. 18 years straight of living for the approval of everyone but himself had turned him merely into a carving of others’ creation. And Jungkook had no clue how he was supposed to dismantle that.
And then there was Taehyung.
In a way, Jungkook’s entire life felt like a performance. Scene after scene, episode after episode, putting on his best act for the audience to enjoy. But when he was alone with Taehyung, it was like he was being given his first glimpse into the behind the scenes. For a few fleeting moments sandwiched in between a hectic day of being anything but himself, Taehyung showed him the version of himself he’d been too busy to ever meet.
And Jungkook loved it. He loved it more than anything he’d ever known.
But that didn’t make any sense. He’d worked his entire life for a good school, a good job, a nice home, a perfect life. So why were his best moments in the back of some beat up pickup truck, with the child from a family of which not a single generation was college educated, watching low budget movies that most would call garbage but that Jungkook secretly loved.
And when Jungkook would let himself be the most vulnerable in those moments, and he would look up at Taehyung from where he was laying on his chest and point at the screen of the phone where the movie was playing and say, “I want to do that,” he didn’t feel scared. And when Taehyung gave him the sweetest smile and said, “You’d be the best there is,” it filled Jungkook with a sort of pride, a feeling of accomplishment that not even his admission, not even his proud family could give him.
That was the beginning of the end of for him. That summer, he spent every moment he could spare with Taehyung. The only thing he loved as much as Taehyung was the way he made him feel, the way he let him learn more about himself, understand who he was. And by the end of summer, when it was time for Jungkook to pack up and leave for college, he instead stood in front of his parents, hands shaking, and told them that he didn’t want to go.
Obviously, his parents didn’t quite take it well. So he spent a lot more time with Taehyung to escape, and with each passing moment, he felt himself become more and more detached from this town, felt himself become more and more freed from the cages he’d trapped himself in for so long.
And eventually, that detachment, that freedom, sent him all the way from Tupelo to LA.
[End of flashback]
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Jungkook could feel the heat of judging stares as he sat at the table for Christmas dinner.
The table was long and full, packed elbow to elbow with his extended family, aunts, uncles, cousins, and in-laws that he hadn’t seen since god knows when. A table full of people he hadn’t spoken to since they were congratulating him on getting into college.
Yeah, he had a lot of explaining to do. And truthfully, he felt like doing absolutely none.
The platters of food were busy being passed around the table for everyone to take their share, and Jungkook was doing his darnedest not to make eye contact with anyone. His parents sat to his left, chatting away with his great uncle (at least he thinks that’s the relation), and to his right is his aunt that gave him $100 at his open house and told him, “I always knew you were the smartest one in the family.”
The silence between them was deafening now.
Jungkook let out a sigh of relief when it was announced that it was time to pray. He wasn’t really religious, but he’d take anything at this point to get the stares and attention away from him. Jungkook relaxed as they bowed their heads, and one of his great aunts began thanking god for their food, and their health, and then Jungkook zoned out after a couple minutes.
He zoned back in quickly when he heard her start saying names and sending prayers to them. Prayers to her brother who was fighting through health problems, prayers to the cousins who were struggling with finances. It wasn’t until he heard his parents’ names that he felt his stomach drop. He tensed, glancing up from his hands to look at the table and see if anyone was staring.
“I’d also like to send prayers to them as they struggle with some family issues.”
Jungkook’s face flushed red, heat enveloping him at the words. Was that about him? God only knows what his family had been saying about him while he was gone. He didn’t want to know.
The thing is, in LA, he’d been…mildly successful, in a way. He started the way most people did, going to any and every audition he could, getting very minor, nonspeaking roles in the backgrounds of short films and less popular TV shows. Small jobs working with production companies that made content for Youtube. The occasional advertisement. Mostly working under the title of “Unnamed Extra.” And then his magnum opus, a 3 line speaking role in a drama series that is moderately popular. Still no name, but he was getting there.
His parents watched all of them, always posting pictures onto the internet of them pointing into the background of a shot on their TV with the pride of parents who knew their son could’ve been a lawyer, but nonetheless had at least made something of himself. They were mad at first, obviously. But like the parents they were, they could’t find it in themselves to turn away from him, especially knowing it was making him happy. Pride was one thing, but the love of their son was stronger.
So, Jungkook wasn’t ashamed. And neither were his parents, for the most part. But it’s just one of those things. When you run into someone in the grocery store and tell them your son ran off to LA to become an actor, it’s usually an awkward pause, a nervous laughter, the knowledge that they’re definitely going to go home and gossip about “that Jeon boy.” So, his parents did the best they could, and Jungkook weathered the heat with whatever motivation he could.
Jungkook quietly sighed as the prayer ended and everyone began to eat their food. Jungkook made a moment of very awkward eye contact with his great aunt before training his eyes on his plate.
He wasn’t the confrontation type, never had been. That’s just how he always was, a good boy who doesn’t argue. And he definitely wasn’t starting here.
Awkward silence filled much of the dinner in-between bursts of mindless chatter. His family had never been the best at large gatherings, too much tension and too many strained relationships. But Jungkook had always been the golden one, the one who everyone had turned to as a shimmering beacon when everyone would complain about their deadbeat relatives. And now he wasn’t.
But that didn’t matter, he tried to tell himself. He’s different now than he was back then. He may have built his entire life on the approval of other people, but that’s not how he’s living anymore.
But damn if it isn’t hard sometimes.
When he and his parents returned home, they wordlessly made their ways to their own places, Jungkook darting to his room and slumping into his bed in a heap of physical and mental exhaustion. He was used to both of those things these days. Life hadn’t been kind to him recently.
He wasn’t quite sure where it came from or when it started, but the tears were sliding down his face before he could even register that he was crying. He let out a bitter laugh at the realization that his life had finally came full circle. The summer before he left, he’d told himself he would change his life for the better as he cried himself to sleep in his room. And now, three years later, here he was in the same room, crying about the same old thing.
The only thing that wasn’t the same was that this time, he was alone.
Jungkook rolled over and buried his face in his pillow, groaning at the sudden realization that he was thinking about the one person he’d sworn to himself he would leave in the past. Not because he wanted to, but because the other man didn’t deserve to get wrapped up in the shitshow that was Jungkook’s life.
But every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was Taehyung, standing in front of him at the grocery store. His awkward, sweet smile covering up the pain he was trying to hide, but that was so, heartbreakingly present in his eyes.
Thoughts rushed through his head as he tried to understand what he was even feeling. Of course he missed him, genuinely, maybe more than he’d ever missed anything in his life. But he just felt so damn selfish.
How could Jungkook do this? Break Taehyung’s heart, leave him behind, and then come crawling back to him just because he felt bad about himself. Keep him on a leash, far away enough to never give anything himself, but still there to pull back to him whenever he pleased. No. Taehyung deserved so much better than that.
And yet, he was reaching for his phone anyways. He paused, pleading with every last piece of sense he had left in him to just leave it alone. Just let Taehyung be.
Jungkook’s hand hovered over the phone as he deliberated whether or not he should do this.
He knew that if he did, it was indisputably going to open a massive can of worms. But, god, he just couldn’t get Taehyung out of his head. And he knew that he wouldn’t be able to until he did this.
He picked up the phone, his fingers trembling at they navigated to the dial-pad and began to type in the familiar numbers. He hand over the call button, and he realized this was his last moment to change his mind. But he didn’t.
The phone rang, and for a moment Jungkook hoped maybe Taehyung wouldn’t pick up. But as soon as the thought crossed his mind, he heard Taehyung’s confused voice on the line.
“Hello? Jungkook?”
“Taehyung, hey.”
“Hey. Why are you calling? Is something wrong?”
“No! No… I…” Jungkook drifted off as he stared blankly ahead of himself, going over a million rehearsed lines in his head. But, really, none of those were what he wanted to say. So he didn’t.
“Jungkook, what-“
“Listen up. I’m only gonna tell you this once. Write this down and don’t forget it. 7 pm tomorrow, in our old spot. Be there. Or don’t.”
There was dead silence on the other end of the line, and for a moment Jungkook wondered if he had been too harsh with his words. But then Taehyung’s eager voice was coming back to him.
“O-okay. Alright. I’ve got it.”
“Good… I’ll see you then.”
Jungkook went to hang up but Taehyung stopped him.
“Wait, Jungkook.”
“Yes?”
“I just- I can’t wait to see you, is all.”
Jungkook felt his heart grow heavy at the words, but he pushed on.
“Yeah. Me too.”
He hung up, tossing his phone away from him and staring out the window. Snow fluttered down, canvasing the ground in a sheet of white. They didn’t get snow in LA. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed it.
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His headlights cut through the dark, empty night, only the streetlights accompanying him on his journey. He couldn’t quite explain how it made him feel. How he knew his way through this town so effortlessly, not even having to think about it. How there was no other place on earth that he had such a comfortable familiarity with. Even his new city that he’d been living in for a couple years, he still found himself getting lost in all the time. But here, he knew every backroad, every side street, every shortcut, every turn like the back of his hand. And yet, this was the town he’d blacklisted, sworn to never return to unless he had to. The only place he truly knew was the only place he proclaimed to hate.
He snapped back into reality from his thoughts when he realized he was approaching his turn, slamming the breaks a little bit too hard and swinging into the parking lot, sandwiched right between the old Methodist church and the high school he used to attend with Taehyung. It was a place he had spent a large portion of his youth. Him and his friends going to hang there after school. Learning to drive there, his parents sitting in the passenger seats bracing themselves at every turn. Him and Taehyung sneaking out of their houses to meet up there in the dead of night.
He parked his car in one of the spots, searching around to see if Taehyung was there yet. His eyes landed on the familiar truck, which was parked inconspicuously at the other end of the row. The door suddenly swung open and he watched as Taehyung stepped out and quickly made his way towards his car. Jungkook braced himself for the moment.
The passenger door opened and Jungkook watched as Taehyung slid into the seat and closed the door behind him. Jungkook had turned off the car, so there was only silence in the small space. It settled around them before Taehyung finally broke it.
“This brings back old memories, huh? Meeting up here this late at night.”
“Yeah,” Jungkook huffed as an array of flashbacks flooded his mind.
“You ever just miss it? How simple it was. Nothing to worry about, nothing to do but just drive around and hang out.”
“Yeah,” Jungkook sighed. It was true. He talked a lot about how much he hated this place, how glad he was to escape, to do something worthwhile and make something of himself. But, damn, did he sometimes think of much easier it was. No expectations, no putting up a performance for anyone. He was just some kid, in some town, with nothing to do but whatever he wanted. But that wasn’t what he’d wanted. He’d run from that. So why did he feel so wrong about it now?
“Wanna do it again?”
Jungkook glared at him from the corner of his eyes, not quite sure what he was suggesting.
“Y’know, just ride around for a while?”
Jungkook felt himself calm at the clarification. He focused his eyes on the dark night, the clear, starry sky that stretched over them. The sky never looked like this in LA. He’d forgotten how beautiful the night sky could be while he was away.
“Yeah, yeah that sounds great,” he responded, his eyes still trained on the view outside the window.
“Let’s go in my truck. C’mon.” Taehyung gestured for Jungkook to follow as he made his way out of the car. Jungkook rushed to follow him, locking his car as they moved toward the truck at the other end of the lot.
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[Flashback- Three Years Ago]
Jungkook’s hand grasped at the handlebar above the window, letting out a small scream as Taehyung barreled down the empty road. He glanced over at the speedometer, which was teetering dangerously near 90 MPH, his heart rate picking up with the speed of the truck.
Jungkook shifted his gaze to Taehyung in the driver’s seat, looking like a dream with his long curls blowing in the wind and his sunglasses perched on his nose. Taehyung was pretty entranced with Jungkook himself, the sunlight dancing across his face and the adorable little screams and gasps he kept letting out.
Jungkook trained his eyes back on the road, watching the fields that stretched miles out in each direction disappearing behind them with each second. The sun was beginning to disappear below the horizon, and Jungkook never knew that this town even offered views this nice. His train of thought was interrupted by feeling Taehyung’s eyes on him.
“Yes, stalker?” Jungkook giggled without sparing at glance at the other man.
“It’s not my fault you look so good,” Taehyung shrugged before looking back at the road.
“Shut up,” Jungkook whined as he tried to conceal the blush that was creeping onto his cheeks.
“Close your eyes,” Taehyung suddenly ordered.
“What?”
“Just do it.”
Jungkook shrugged and did it- there was no point in ever arguing with Taehyung- and waited for whatever was supposed to come. He tensed as he felt the truck begin to speed up even more, and then gasped as his stomach dropped dramatically, his heart fluttering as he felt the car dip down a hill. He squealed as it suddenly happened again, and again, and Taehyung was now laughing loudly at Jungkook’s agape mouth.
“You can open now.”
Jungkook opened his eyes and let out a surprised scoff.
“Isn’t that fun? It’s like a little roller coaster,” Taehyung laughed before swinging around a turn in the road.
Jungkook just giggled breathlessly, placing his palm over his heart as the truck moved onwards. Taehyung suddenly turned up the radio, blasting some Hot 100 song as they entered a wooded area. The sun suddenly cut out from the trees as they entered deeper into the forest.
“You should see this place in the fall.” Taehyung smiled as he gazed around the thick canopy of trees.
“I want to.” Jungkook sighed dreamily at the image. “Will you bring me here?”
“Absolutely.”
They swung around another curve, slowing down now as they approached a small clearing in the trees. Jungkook focused on the area, which appeared to be a dried up stream. Taehyung had told him about this one, it was seasonal. His thoughts were cut short by Taehyung suddenly turning turning off the road and straight into the woods.
“Taehyung!” Jungkook screamed. “What are you doing?”
Taehyung just laughed and Jungkook was convinced Taehyung might actually be insane.
“You ever been mudding?” Taehyung asked.
“Whating?” Jungkook yelled in concern.
His question was answered when he saw the mud flying up all around them- thank god Taehyung had rolled the windows up- and Jungkook was 100% sure this was the most yeehaw activity he’d ever partaken in.
“The stream’s dried up right now but we got a little rain last night, which means this is one big pile of mud just waiting to be drove through!” Taehyung exclaimed excitedly. Jungkook really didn’t understand him sometimes, but then again, that was his favorite thing about Taehyung.
“But your truck is gonna be filthy!”
Taehyung gave him a look that nonverbally told him that was a stupid comment, because obviously Taehyung didn’t give a single fuck.
Jungkook laughed as they carried on, turning up the creek beds as they piled through. Jungkook gripped at the handlebars for dear life as Taehyung suddenly cut a sharp U-turn around a tree and headed back to the road.
“You’re gonna be the death of me,” Jungkook said breathlessly.
Jungkook sighed in relief when the car fully returned to the road. Taehyung drove for a few more minutes before pulling off on a patch of gravel that laid on the side of the path. He turned off the car and looked over at Jungkook.
“Wanna go for a walk?”
Jungkook peered into the dark woods.
“Is there is a serial killer in there?”
“Not that I’ve ever seen.” Taehyung shrugged and Jungkook groaned. “Don’t worry, I know how to use a stick as a deadly weapon.”
“I don’t even wanna know.’’ Jungkook rolled his eyes and unbuckled.
They laced their fingers together and headed into the trees.
“I love it out here. It’s just so quiet and peaceful,” Taehyung closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.
Jungkook couldn’t help but agree. He lived in town, so everywhere he went there was another person, traffic, random loud noises cutting through any moment of silence. Here it was just birds singing, wind blowing leaves, and his own breathing.
Jungkook stared at Taehyung who was turned towards him in front of him, eyes still closed and head tilted up at the sky, his white t-shirt hugging him in all the right places. Jungkook stepped closer to him, grabbing his biceps in his hands. Taehyung’s eyes opened and he smiled down at him, wrapping his own hands around Jungkook’s waist.
“Hi,” Taehyung smirked.
“Hi.”
Their lips met in a gentle kiss, Jungkook bringing both hands up to cup Taehyung’s face. Taehyung moved his lips around Jungkook’s face, leaving small kisses anywhere he could. He stopped suddenly, grabbing at Jungkook to pull him down the ground with him.
“Taehyung!” Jungkook scolded him, cringing at thought that his clothes were going to be covered in dirt.
“I love you,” Taehyung said and Jungkook’s breath caught in his throat. It wasn’t the first time he’d said it, but it still made his heart explode the same every time.
“I love you too,” he answered and brought his lips back to Taehyung’s.
They made out for a while as the sun slowly set, the cracks of lights between the trees beginning to disappear altogether. Taehyung began to pull Jungkook closer, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. Jungkook pushed him away softly.
“I’m not having sex with you in the woods,” Jungkook said sternly, and Taehyung only laughed.
“Hm, how about in my truck in the woods?”
Jungkook paused for a moment before answering, “Deal.”
They got up and began heading back out to the road, Jungkook shivering slightly from the lack of sun. Taehyung noticed and wrapped his arms around him, leaving a kiss on his cheek as they walked on.
[End of Flashback]
-
-
-
Jungkook really wasn’t sure what to feel as he sat in the passenger seat of Taehyung’s truck, which felt uncomfortable for the first time in his life. At one point in his life, it was the closest thing to home that he knew, and now it felt like a foreign land.
The truck moved down the road painfully slow. Taehyung had never driven this slow before, and it only added to Jungkook’s discontent. He held his breath, counting the seconds as he wondered who would finally break the silence that had been building between them since they entered the truck. The heat blasted out at him, and despite the fact that it was below freezing outside, he cursed the warmth as it only added to the heat that pooled in his face.
“So, um…” Jungkook’s head shot to look at Taehyung who finally spoke. “You seemed pretty urgent on the phone. Is everything okay?”
That question was loaded as all hell. That was probably the most difficult thing he could’ve asked him, the one question that he couldn’t even come up with a bullshit answer to.
Jungkook only stared at him in silence, and Taehyung knew exactly what he meant. It never failed to amaze Jungkook just how good Taehyung was at reading him. Taehyung cleared his throat as if to clear the awkward cloud of uneasiness that hung between them.
“Um, was there a specific reason why you wanted to see me?” Taehyung rephrased his question.
Jungkook sighed loudly as he mulled over the question.
“Yeah, I um…” Jungkook trailed off as he stared at Taehyung, losing his thoughts at the sight of him. He was still trying to get used to the fact that Taehyung was sitting right in front of him. Not just an image in a painful memory. Not just a photo on his phone screen.
“I just thought, since I was back in town for the first time in a while…”
“I thought…” Jungkook saw Taehyung’s knuckles whiten as they tightened around the steering wheel. “I thought, well, you said that we shouldn’t seen each other again.”
Tears pricked at Jungkook’s eyes. God, this was the worst.
“I know, I know. I…it’s been a while since then, though. I think I just…I might’ve…”
“Changed your mind?” Taehyung finished his sentence for him and Jungkook tensed at his tone. It was impatient, his voice wavering, a deep feeling of hurt obvious is the way he spoke.
“I guess.” Jungkook said quietly and curled into himself, looking out his window, at anything but Taehyung.
“Jungkook…” Taehyung started. “Just…why? Why now? After all this time, why are you-“
“I don’t know.” Jungkook choked out and the tears were obvious in his voice now.
He felt Taehyung’s eyes on him, which made it even worse, and the first drops left his eyes.
“Hey.” Taehyung’s voice softened, and Jungkook flinched as he felt Taehyung’s hand softly touch him, trying to console him. “Hey, it’s okay. What’s wrong?”
When Jungkook didn’t answer, Taehyung pulled off the road and parked. Jungkook’s eyes kept staring unfocused in the distance, vision blurry with tears. He heard Taehyung’s seatbelt unbuckle and both of his hands were suddenly on him.
“Just breathe, okay?” Taehyung sighed. “Talk to me, baby.”
Jungkook’s heart skipped and Taehyung visibly hardened when he realized that he’d let the name slip, but Jungkook was too busy being a mess to spend too much time thinking about it. He sniffled, bringing the back of his hand up to his face to wipe at the tears and his nose.
“Ugh, I don’t know. It’s just… everything. Everything is all fucked up and you...you’re the only person I could think to go to. I think you might actually be the only person in the world who understands me.” Jungkook finally looked at Taehyung, who had the same look he did all the other times he vented about his life to him. Understanding, a genuine caring that not many people had offered him in his life. At least not this indiscriminately.
Taehyung remained quiet, wanting to give Jungkook time to talk without interrupting him or putting words in his mouth.
“Do you think I made a mistake? Trying to leave this place when I had a whole, perfect life here?”
“Jungkook…you know I’m the last person to ever tell you what you should or shouldn’t do.”
“Yeah, but just- was it stupid? Please just be honest with me.”
“Not anymore stupid than anyone else.” Taehyung began and Jungkook stared at him intently. “Jungkook, you did what you knew would make you happy. Don’t you think it would’ve been more stupid to force yourself to live a life you hate?”
“But that’s the thing, I don’t…I don’t even know if I’m happy.”
They were both silent now, Taehyung having no clue how to respond to that because that was the one thing that Taehyung had been telling himself all these years to keep himself sane. Yes, Jungkook was gone, but at least he was happy. Al the selfishness in his soul could melt away at the idea that Jungkook was happy. And yes, he wanted Jungkook so, so much, but this was the only thing in the world he wanted more than him. And now he was telling him we wasn’t.
“Why…why do you feel like that? I thought…this was what you wanted-“
“So did I.” Jungkook’s voice had gone flat, emotionless, as if he’d given up on trying to make sense of anything.
Taehyung’s eyes began to burn with unshed tears.
“I thought your life was good in LA. You seem happy…at least when I see you online. That’s really the only place I see you these days, anyway…”
“That’s what’s great about the internet. I can pretend to be anything I want.”
“I thought you loved acting. That was the reason why you left.”
“Yeah, I love it. But I don’t love the industry. I don’t know if it’s possible to make an actual friend in LA. To everyone there you’re just a potential connection, someone to help climb the social ladder.”
That was absolutely the truth. Like most, Jungkook had gone into Hollywood very young and very naive. Most learn, very quickly, that LA is a toxic environment at its best. Of course, Jungkook was impassioned and up to the task- he’d gone through all this to get here, after all. But even the strongest spirits can be crushed in a place like this. The thing was, Jungkook hadn’t even realized he felt this way. Never had time to think about it, anyway, through the nonstop drive he lived through. But being back here and having all of this time to think, he’d realized he’d come full circle. Before, he’d been so busy in his pursuit of law school that he’d neglected knowing himself, and now here he was, forgetting about himself in his rush. Why did he always focus so hard that he lost sight of himself in the background?
And what he was afraid of, of course, being back here brought his past, specifically Taehyung, back to him. And he wasn’t proud of it, but he’d been trying his best to run from those feelings because he knew they’d get in the way. Therein lied the issue. He’d finally slowed down for long enough to understand that Taehyung wasn’t in his way. After all, he might’ve been the destination.
“So, what’re you saying? You wish you would’ve stayed in Tupelo and became a lawyer like your parents wanted?”
“No. No, I don’t want that either. Taehyung…” Jungkook trailed off, hesitant to say what he was thinking.
Taehyung noticed him begin to shut down and moved closer to him.
“What is it?”
“This place sucks because it’s too small and too close-minded and too boring. And LA sucks because it’s cruel and unfamiliar and it doesn’t…”
“It doesn’t what?”
“It doesn’t have you.”
Taehyung’s stomach dropped. Was he being serious right now?
“Is…is that on your list of criteria?”
Jungkook laughed for the first time in a while. Taehyung was always pretty good at diffusing the tension like that.
“It’s starting to feel like it.” Jungkook shrugged, shaking his head in disbelief at everything that was happening.
“Well, that’s good to know.”
“Yeah. It is.”
“And hey…I made you smile.” A bright, boxy grin painted Taehyung’s face as he said it.
Jungkook’s half smile grew larger as Taehyung teased him, rolling his eyes.
“Whatever,” he huffed, looking away.
They were quiet for some more time, this one considerably less uncomfortable than the first. The moment was only interrupted by the feeling of Taehyung’s unwavering gaze on him.
“Damn, it’s just so nice to have you back here,” Taehyung grinned widely as he looked over at Jungkook leaning back against the window of the passenger seat. Jungkook couldn’t answer, just gave a wide smile back and hoping that Taehyung understood that he felt the same. He couldn’t say it out loud, though. He just couldn’t.
“Y’know I…” Taehyung began, but halted as he abruptly looked away.
“What?” Jungkook asked, curious.
“Nevermind. It doesn’t matter.”
“What is it? You can tell me.”
Taehyung looked back at him, staring at him with an absolutely indecipherable expression.
“It’s just… while you were gone, I met a few people here and there. And we’d come out here and hang around. And I’d… I’d try to fall in love with them. I don’t know why… I just felt like I owed it to myself. And I owed it to you. To try to make myself happy. Let myself move on and be a normal person. But… I just couldn’t. When I looked at them, when I touched them… I felt nothing. And I thought, maybe there’s something wrong with me. Maybe I’m just broken. But I know that’s not why. I know it’s because…” Taehyung trailed off, looking up at Jungkook with a timid gaze, letting the implication of his words settle between them.
Jungkook fumbled over himself for what felt like forever, unable to even begin to articulate his response to that. He wasn’t even sure how to feel. Angry? Hopeful? Jealous? Happy? He let every emotion sweep through him before words finally slipped out of his mouth without a second thought.
“Y’know… if I wanted to know who you were hanging with while I was gone, I would’ve asked you.” Jungkook felt blood rush to his face as soon as he said it, not planning on the sudden hostility towards Taehyung. He cursed himself, stumbling over himself and about to apologize, when he looked up. Taehyung’s expression wasn’t that of hurt, but instead a devilish grin aimed in his direction.
“Well, well, well… somebody is jealous?” Taehyung poked at him in a playful tone, Jungkook’s face turning an even deeper shade of red at the words.
“What? No, I just… I don’t care to know the details, is all.” Jungkook tried his best to come off as unbothered as he could, but he knew Taehyung. He knew Taehyung was the one person, perhaps the only soul in this world who can see right through him. Who always knows exactly which smiles he’s faking. Who always knows when he’s lying through his teeth.
“Y’know, Jungkook. It’s okay if you were. Jealous, I mean.”
Jungkook grew annoyed at the words.
“I- I’m not! I don’t care who the fuck you hang out with. What’s it to me?”
Jungkook tensed as Taehyung leaned towards him.
“Are you sure about that?”
Jungkook’s jaw tensed.
“Yes.”
Taehyung moved even closer in his direction.
“Hm, I’m not so sure about that.”
Jungkook felt a wave of heat wash over him at the closeness, any and all self control he had left in him slipping away at the prospect of getting closer. He decided to take him up on whatever game he was playing, leaning forward himself.
“Oh yeah? And why is that?”
“Because I would care. I would care if you were seeing someone else. I’d be jealous. And I know, I know you so well. I know you feel the same way about all of this as I do.”
Jungkook was trembling a little at this point, overwhelmed by being confronted face to face by Taehyung, who was digging right into the heart he had guarded so aggressively for that past few years. All of those walls that he’d crafted so intricately, gone in a second. He could see through every part of him, all the way down to the most hidden, locked away parts of his heart.
“You- you would be jealous? Why?”
Taehyung moved another few inches closer, the two of them nearly nose to nose at this point.
“Because I don’t like the idea of you with someone else. Someone else’s hands on you. I want you. To myself.”
Jungkook flushed at the admission, not sure how to respond to it as he could barely even process the words. Taehyung couldn’t actually be admitting that he’s wanted him back all this time, could he be?
“I… I don’t...” Jungkook started, but he was at a loss for words.
“I know how it is, Jungkook. I know how you feel about this place. How you needed to escape it. And escape me, by extension. I get it. I don’t want you to feel trapped. I don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything. Cause you don’t. But, fuck, I just… I just needed to say it out loud. To you. To make some sense of it. It’s crazy, actually, how as soon as you come around, I suddenly understand exactly how I feel.”
“Taehyung… I just… I honestly don’t know what to say.”
Taehyung let out a chuckle that sounded so painfully bittersweet, like he understood exactly what Jungkook meant. Of course his reaction made sense. It was a lot to process at once.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Taehyung responded softy before turning to face straight forward.
Typically, sitting in silence with someone is awkward, uncomfortable. But right then, it felt so natural. Just the two of them, side by side, not needing to say anything. They both already knew anything that would need saying.
Wordlessly, Taehyung put the truck in gear. They started back on the drive, winding around the quiet streets. Somehow, it felt relaxing. It shouldn’t, should it? After Taehyung just poured his heart out to him, and Jungkook couldn’t give any semblance of an answer. Yet, there was an overwhelming sense of peace as they drove around together, still in silence. Jungkook wondered, is this how it felt to be around someone you truly loved? Feeling comfortable, at home even when there’s nothing to say. Even when there’s turmoil happening between the two of them. Jungkook had been at a loss for words just minutes before, his mind whirling with unfinished thoughts. So why didn’t he feel the need to run? He’d always run from anything he could. He felt trapped in this town, and he ran. It was his M.O. in a way. But now, the last thing he wanted to do was run. He wanted to just stay here, right next to Taehyung.
“Well.” Jungkook came back into reality as he heard Taehyung’s voice, realizing that they were back at the parking lot. He looked across the lot at his car that remained parked. He knew that, rationally, he should get out and get back in his car, drive home alone. But it felt as if there was something weighing down on his body, stopping him from leaving.
“Drive safe.” Taehyung gave him a sweet smile and Jungkook tried to force himself into autopilot.
Before he knew it, his hand was on the handle and he was forcing himself towards his car without another word. What was happening? He felt disoriented as he tried to comb through his thoughts and make his head clear enough to get in his car and drive.
Taehyung’s truck pulled away slowly, and Jungkook felt his eyes begin to fill with tears. He quickly wiped at them. There was no reason for him to be crying. Why would he? He was the one that left Taehyung, after all. Three years ago, in this same exact parking lot, Jungkook walked away from Taehyung who was begging him, pleading with him to not go. And then he got in his car and drove away without another word.
And now, here Taehyung was, driving away from him. And he finally realized exactly how Taehyung must’ve felt all those years ago. How heart shattering it is to watch someone walk away as the only thought rushing through your head is that you just want them to stay.
Jungkook pulled out mindlessly, tears streaming down his face as he drove down the road. He approached the turn that would lead him back to his home, but he purposefully missed it. He wasn’t taking that road, not this time. It was time he took the other road, the one he should’ve taken years ago.
This side of town was darker, less streetlights. The roads were bumpy, less taken care of. He wasn’t use to driving rural backroads, but he saw himself not caring about any of that as he drove down the road and toward the house. Taehyung had gotten pretty far ahead of him when he left the lot, so he didn’t see his truck anywhere on the road ahead of him. Good. He didn’t want Taehyung to try to stop him.
He drove for what felt like forever. Country roads really make you lose track of time, he thought. He finally saw the medium sized house that sat at the end of a long driveway, in the middle of an open field. Their large barn sat a little ways back behind the house in the yard. It looked exactly the way he’d last seen it.
Jungkook’s legs trembled as he got out of the car and made his way up to the door. He stood on the porch deliberating for probably way longer than he should before finally knocking on the door a few times. As soon as he did it, he felt the strong urge to run, get off the porch and get in his car, never return. But he couldn’t, he had done enough running.
His heart stopped when he heard the creak and saw the door open, Taehyung’s face peering through the crack in the door. Taehyung’s eyes grew wide and confused as he took in the sight of Jungkook standing there on the porch. He opened the door fully.
“Jungkook, what the hell are you doing out there?” Taehyung asked, quickly pulling him into the house and closing the door behind them.
“I needed to… I needed to tell you…” Jungkook really didn’t know what to say. Taehyung stared at him expectantly, wanting an explanation that Jungkook knew he really couldn’t give him.
Without a second thought, Jungkook was grabbing Taehyung’s face in between his hands and pushing his lips into his. Taehyung gasped, but quickly pulled him into his arms and kissed him back. Jungkook was surprised by how desperately Taehyung clung to him and kissed him, backing him into a wall and caging him between his arms on either side.
After a few minutes, Taehyung slowed down, leaving a few more pecks on Jungkook’s lips before stopping. Jungkook felt the hot breath grazing his skin as Taehyung hovered right in front of him.
“You came back,” Taehyung whispered, and Jungkook tensed when it sounded like he was almost on the verge of tears.
“I did.”
“Why?”
Jungkook didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to explain to him that watching him leave him made his entire heart break in two. He didn’t know how to explain that he couldn’t handle receiving what he had done to Taehyung so many years ago. But he also didn’t want to make any promises. He couldn’t. In any case, he’d be on a flight to LA in just a few days with no plan to return anytime soon. But how could he say that to Taehyung? He couldn’t break his heart again.
“I- I’m so sorry.” Jungkook was now also beginning to cry. “I’m so sorry for doing that to you.”
“Wh- what are you talking about?”
“How I… how I just left you like that. Just drove away from you all those years ago when you asked me to stay. When… when I watched you drive away, I felt like a part of me was dying. It felt so terrible.”
Taehyung’s jaw tensed. He didn’t know how to feel. It felt nice to get some sense of explanation, a little bit of closure on the situation that they had left unattended for the past three years. But at the same time, he didn’t necessarily feel that he was owed an apology. Jungkook had his own life. He didn’t have to stay there and give up his dreams for him. But the way it all went down was regretful, to say the least.
“Jungkook… it’s okay. You don’t need to apologize. I understand why you did what you did.”
Tears began rolling down Jungkook’s face at this point. Taehyung quickly attended to him, wiping the tears off his cheeks and leaving gentle kisses in their place.
“Yes I do,” Jungkook sobbed out. “I just left you like that, made you wait for all these years. I walked away and never spoke to you again. Pretended I didn’t even know you existed.” Jungkook trailed off as he broke down.
“No, no, Jungkook, listen to me. You just did what you felt like you needed to. Listen, it hurt. It really did. But these things happen. People go different ways sometimes.”
“But I don’t want to go a different way than you!” Jungkook nearly shouted out in choked sobs.
Taehyung sat in stunned silence. That he was definitely not expecting.
“What do you mean?”
“I just… I don’t like not being around you. I don’t know, I… I did so well for so long pretending like I didn’t miss you. I really did. But being back in this town, seeing you, talking to you again, and finding out that you felt the exact same way the entire time I was gone. I realized… my heart has been breaking every day I’ve been away from you. I just don’t… I don’t know if I can just go back there and do it again. I really don’t know-“ Jungkook buried his face into Taehyung’s shoulder as he cried.
Taehyung was still shocked. He didn’t know what to do. What could he possibly say to make this better? They were at a standstill now. How the hell were they supposed to stay together when they wanted two completely different things?
“Jungkook…”
“I’m sorry,” Jungkook sniffled, gaining a little bit of his composure back. “I’m just so sorry.”
Taehyung looked around. He scanned through his brain, trying to remember if he’d ever read about this specific situation in a book, or maybe seen it in a movie. What would his favorite characters do in this situation? He sighed as he came to no solution. Nothing like this had ever happened to them.
Jungkook wiped the last of his tears away and leaned into the wall behind him.
“Ugh, I’m sorry for being such a mess. I get so emotional sometimes.”
“Hey, don’t say you’re sorry. There’s nothing wrong with feeling what you feel.”
Jungkook stared at him intently. Taehyung couldn’t quite pin what emotion was on his face. Usually he was pretty good at reading the other’s mind, but right now it was lost on him.
“What… so, um, what now?” Taehyung murmured as he lost himself in Jungkook’s intense gaze.
“I really don’t know.”
“I guess we should probably really talk about this,” Taehyung shrugged.
“Yeah…” Jungkook trailed off but met Taehyung’s eyes with a mischievous gaze. “But… I don’t know, maybe, maybe we could do it later?”
Taehyung tilted his head.
“I just… god, I just want to be with you right now is all. All that technical bullshit, I don’t wanna think about it right now.”
Taehyung couldn’t help but want to agree with him. There definitely was a lot that needed to be addressed. But, goddamn, he had waited three years for this moment and he wasn’t about to pass it up.
“Can we just call it even?” Jungkook shrugged and looked at Taehyung with a small smile.
Taehyung wanted to kiss him senseless.
“You know what, yeah,” Taehyung sighed. “Just… come here.”
Jungkook moved towards him at the same time he pulled him in, their lips meeting and Taehyung felt like he might melt into a puddle. Jungkook locked his arms around the back of Taehyung’s neck as Taehyung grabbed his waist.
Taehyung shuddered when Jungkook let out a quiet moan against his lips.
“Fuck, I missed that sound.”
Jungkook giggled and tapped his forehead against Taehyung’s.
Taehyung buried his face into the crook of Jungkook’s neck, breathing him in and never wanting to breathe him out.
Taehyung eventually moved to sit on the couch, pulling Jungkook down with him, who took a seat on his lap.
“Where are your parents?” Jungkook asked, just now realizing they, thankfully, were not here to witness this.
“Oh, they left for the night to visit my aunt for Christmas. They’re coming back tomorrow.”
“Ugh, you don’t get dragged along to every family event? Must be nice.”
“Hey, you live halfway across the country. You barely ever have to visit family.” Taehyung rolled his eyes as Jungkook giggled.
“So… whole place to ourselves then?” Jungkook added suggestively.
“Yeah,” Taehyung gave him a knowing smirk. “Wanna see our new barn?”
Jungkook tilted his head in confusion. That wasn’t quite what he was insinuating, but sure.
They shivered as they made their way though the yard and to the barn.
“We really upgraded it in the past few years.”
Jungkook was shocked as he felt the cold melt from his skin when he walked through the doors.
“You even got heating? Damn.”
Taehyung laughed as they settled inside. Jungkook looked around the spacious area. One wall was lined with shelves that held a bunch of equipment that Jungkook knew nothing about. The wall farthest from them had a large window that gave a great view of the starry sky. A telescope sat in front of it. The walls surrounding the window were covered in sheets upon sheets of papers that held drawings, mini sketches, and small paintings. Jungkook looked over at Taehyung with a dazed expression.
“Did you…” Jungkook got closer to look at the papers better. “Did you draw all these?”
“Yeah. I love to just look into the sky and draw what I see.”
The papers held pictures of stars, the moon, various constellations.”
“These are so beautiful,” Jungkook gasped, amazed.
“Yeah, I guess I should say this is the barn slash my own personal observatory.”
“God… I want one of these things,” Jungkook laughed. “No views quite like this in LA. Unless you count a dark alley and a brick wall as a good view.”
Taehyung chuckled at him before moving to sit on the chair in front of the telescope.
“You wanna see?” he asked.
Jungkook turned to him with wide eyes.
“Really?” Taehyung nearly melted at the way he said it, excited and mouth agape like a little kid.
“Of course, come here.”
Jungkook took a seat on Taehyung’s lap. Taehyung went to work with the telescope, trying to find the right place. It took a while, navigating the night sky with a telescope could be tricky. He located the Orion constellation, following the straight line of the belt, through the bow and past Aldebaran to point him in the right direction.
“Ah!” he exclaimed as he found what he was looking for.
“Be careful, don’t move it or we’ll lose it.” Taehyung advised and Jungkook nodded his head before looking in.
There sat a cluster of bright, blue stars. He had never seen anything like it before, at least not this closely. Taehyung’s heart fluttered when Jungkook gave a small gasp as he looked, all he could think was how adorable he was.
“What is this?” Jungkook asked, not turning his head, keeping his eyes trained on the sight.
Taehyung wrapped his arms around his waist and moved to whisper into his ear.
“That’s Pleiades.” Jungkook stared, fascinated. “It’s a star cluster. Winter is the best time to see it, actually.”
Jungkook sighed in contentment, finally looking away from the telescope.
“Have you drawn this?”
“Yep,” Taehyung answered as he pointed at one of the papers that sat at the corner of the window pane. He had added color to that one, small patches of blue paint dotting the page.
Jungkook leaned back into Taehyung, resting his head on his shoulder as he stared out the window and into the sky. Taehyung rested his head in the crook of Jungkook’s neck as he looked out too.
“Oh my god.” Jungkook’s voice cut through the silence, Taehyung looking over at him.
“What?”
“Is that…” Jungkook got up and walked over to the wall, Taehyung cringing as he realized what he was talking about. “Is this a cowboy hat?” Jungkook picked it up from where it was sat, walking back over to him.
“It gets hot out in the fields and it provides shade!” Taehyung held back laughter as he defended himself. “I barely even use it. I usually wear my sunhat.”
“Come on, I knew you were yeehaw, but not this yeehaw.”
“I literally live on a farm and you’re surprised that I have a cowboy hat?”
“It’s a wheat farm!”
“How is that any different?” Taehyung busted out laughing. “It seems like you were trying to cope with the fact that you fell for a country boy.”
Jungkook scoffed. “You’re really not that country. You even said that you hate country music.”
“Well yeah, modern country is typically terrible.”
Jungkook giggled as he looked down at Taehyung. He placed the hat on Taehyung’s head, laughing at how ridiculous it looked on him.
“Well, howdy there.” Jungkook broke out into a wide, childlike smile.
“Hey, partner.”
Taehyung moved Jungkook on his lap so that was he was straddling him. He felt Jungkook tense at the sudden closeness before quickly melting into it, grabbing Taehyung’s face between his hands. Taehyung froze in place as they stared at one another, falling into a trance as he looked into the large, starry eyes in front of him. Fuck, he had missed those eyes. In the years since Jungkook had left, he had never met a single person whose eyes made him feel that way. Never met a single person who made him feel even a fraction of what he felt just by standing next to Jungkook.
Jungkook still hovered sightly above him, staring down at Taehyung with a million thoughts running through his head. The most prominent one, though, was the complete and utter feeling of need that rushed through him, filled his entire being. He had never needed anything more than he needed this. Even his wildest dreams, his eyes-full-of-stars ambition that forced him from his hometown and into LA, even that seemed minuscule and unimportant in that moment. There in Taehyung’s arms, there was nothing outside the barn, nothing beyond this town, and nobody on earth except the two of them.
They stared at each other for a few moments before the tension finally bubbled over, Jungkook knocking the hat off Taehyung’s head and crashing their lips together.
Taehyung’s hands found Jungkook’s hips instantaneously, forcefully grabbing the man and pulling him closer to him. Taehyung had never wanted to just grab someone, hold someone so tight before. Even back when he had had him before, he had never experienced this feeling of utter desperation, the fear that maybe Jungkook would slip from his arms and out of his reach forever. No, was all that was running through Taehyung’s head at the thought. No. Never again.
He stood up from the chair, wrapping both of his arms under Jungkook’s thighs and lifting him in the air. Jungkook gasped as he felt himself leave the ground, his lips finally detaching from the other’s.
“Wow, when did you get so strong?” Jungkook grinned.
“Working on a farm will do that to you.” Taehyung shrugged.
“Well, I like it.” Jungkook moved one hand from around Taehyung’s neck and down to his arm to feel up his bicep. Taehyung smiled at the action.
“Oh yeah?”
“Fuck, yes.”
Taehyung walked them to a corner of the barn where a large pile of tarps laid. He set Jungkook down and got to work on building a makeshift bed. Definitely not glamorous by any means, but it would make do given the circumstances.
“Ugh, how dusty and dirty are those things?” Jungkook whined. Taehyung turned around to look at him, smiling at the complaint.
“Ah, you’re so high maintenance since you’ve become a movie star.” Taehyung chuckled, and Jungkook gave him an angry glare before breaking out into a smile. “Don’t worry, baby. I wash these after every use. I’m not filthy.”
Jungkook rolled his eyes before moving to help Taehyung with the task, stacking the blankets until they were thick enough to shield them from the hard, cold ground.
Jungkook plopped down on the bed, grabbing Taehyung’s hands and pulling him down. Taehyung laid Jungkook down, positioning himself above him and bringing a hand up to caress Jungkook’s face.
“Taehyung…” Jungkook began but drifted off.
“Yes, baby?” Jungkook shivered at the name.
“I… fuck, I just want you to kiss the breath out of me.” A blush painted Jungkook’s face, and he turned away to avoid eye contact.
Taehyung pushed Jungkook’s face back towards him.
“Hey, don’t you hide that beautiful face from me.”
“Sorry,” Jungkook groaned in embarrassment as his face continued to light up.
“Hey, you don’t have to be embarrassed. Do you know how fucking long I’ve wanted to kiss the everliving fuck out of you again?”
Jungkook’s eyes shot open when their lips finally crashed together again, quickly closing as he melted into it.
Taehyung caged Jungkook between his own arms and under his body, pushing forcefully into the kiss, wanting more and more. His hands began to explore every inch up and down Jungkook’s body. He felt the familiar curves, the ones he knew so well, the one he had felt so many times before and had spent every day since then thinking about. And now it was all back in his hands. Taehyung thought he must be dreaming, but when he felt Jungkook moving under him, kissing him back, running his fingers through his hair, he knew it was real. So unbelievably real.
Taehyung moaned into the kiss, feeling just so inexplicably good. Nothing could ever compare to this feeling for him. Jungkook’s lips, they were undoubtedly his favorite thing on earth. He thinks he could probably spend every last waking moment of his life against his lips. He never wants to pull away. But he does when he needs to catch his breath.
Jungkook gasped as their lips detached, clearly just as disheveled as Taehyung. Taehyung took a few moments to collect himself, to stare down at Jungkook, who looked up at him with hooded eyes and tangled hair.
Jungkook personally felt like he was going to explode. He was shaking in desperation and pure want, and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could take this.
“Taehyung. Fuck, Taehyung. I… I need you right fucking now. So bad. Please, Taehyung, I-“ Jungkook’s words were cut off as Taehyung scooped him into his arms, peppering his face with kisses.
“Hey, it’s okay, baby. I’ve got you.”
“Want you to touch me so bad. Please. Please, can you?”
Taehyung laid him back down and gently hushed him.
“Yes, baby. It’s okay, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
Jungkook took a few deep breaths to try to ground himself.
“Please.”
Taehyung had never felt such an overwhelming and inescapable need to just give another person everything, but with Jungkook, he was ready to fight the entire world, do anything in order to give him what he wanted. There was nothing he wanted more than to just make Jungkook happy, make him feel loved. And here Jungkook laid beneath him, shaking and desperate and just needing to be touched, just needing to be held by him, just needing him, and it made Taehyung practically melt.
“Yes, Jungkookie. Fuck, yes. Gonna make you feel so good.”
Jungkook whimpered at the words, the neediness in him fizzling over as Taehyung pulled him upwards and into his lap and connected their lips again. Taehyung’s hands slipped under Jungkook’s shirt, feeling up and down the bare flesh. Goosebumps broke out all over Jungkook at the touch.
Taehyung grabbed Jungkook’s shirt and pulled it off over his head, tossing it away. Taehyung looked down at Jungkook’s bare torso, pushing him back down onto the blanket and connecting his mouth to the skin. His lips grazed the skin of Jungkook’s neck, Jungkook shivering under the featherlight touches. Taehyung pushed his lips into the soft skin, leaving wet kisses all over. Jungkook broke out into full body chills at the sensation. Taehyung moved his mouth to the bottom of Jungkook’s throat and licked up along the front of his neck, grazing over his Adam’s apple as he looked Jungkook in the eyes. He pushed his lips back to his neck, leaving wide, open mouth kisses along the area, his hot breath grazing against Jungkook’s skin. He took some of the skin into his mouth and began sucking, Jungkook moaning at the feeling of Taehyung taking it between his teeth and biting it. Jungkook knew it would leave a few marks, and he felt himself grow increasingly hot at the thought.
Taehyung moved down from his neck and onto his collarbones, licking stripes along the bones and leaving gentle kisses down the area. He slid his lips down the skin and towards his nipples, attaching his mouth and eliciting a sharp moan from Jungkook. Taehyung looked up at him with a teasing smirk.
“Sensitive?”
“You know I am.” Jungkook huffed.
Taehyung chuckled and went back to what he was doing, sucking and biting at the sensitive area. Jungkook gasped at each flick of the tongue, feeling overwhelmed at the stimulation, but also so, so good.
He shivered in anticipation as he watched Taehyung move down even further, grazing his lips along his stomach, running his tongue along the definition in his torso. His lips landed at the bottom of his stomach, stopping where his pants covered him. Taehyung grabbed Jungkook’s thighs in his hands and slid the pants down his legs, tossing them away.
Taehyung mouthed over his cock through his underwear. Jungkook was achingly hard at this point, the hot breath over him nearly driving him absolutely insane.
Taehyung’s fingers traced along the line of Jungkook’s underwear, feeling around the area before grabbing the cock in his hands. He smirked at the loud gasp Jungkook let out.
“Please, Taehyung, I… please just touch me,” Jungkook choked out, every part of him on fire.
“Tell me, baby.” Taehyung leaned down to hover over Jungkook’s face. “What do you want me to do to you? Tell me exactly what you want.”
Jungkook groaned at the words, trying to find his composure to do what was asked of him.
“I want- I want you to fuck me. Just like this.”
“Yeah? Gonna be good for me?” Taehyung grazed his lips over Jungkook’s.
“Yes,” Jungkook whispered, closing his eyes as Taehyung pressed their lips together.
Taehyung pulled off his own shirt and pants, discarding them with the rest of the clothes. He moved back down to remove Jungkook’s underwear.
He began leaving small licks around the tip of his cock, flicking his eyes up to meet Jungkook’s as he did it. The look on Jungkook’s face made his heart flutter a little, thinking that there was nothing he loved more than making Jungkook feel good.
He gave a small smirk as he licked along the area teasingly. Jungkook groaned, remembering how much of a tease Taehyung was and how much he fucking loved it.
Slowly, Taehyung took the tip in his mouth and began to lightly suck. Jungkook hissed in response, making Taehyung even more eager. He lifted off for a second to speak.
“Mm, keep doing that. I love hearing you.”
He returned, taking even more of him this time, quickly so to catch him off guard. Jungkook gasped at the abrupt action, moving one hand down to twist in Taehyung’s hair.
“Feels so good. You make me feel so good.” Jungkook’s voice was shaky as he lost himself more with each passing second.
Taehyung shifted upwards, grabbing Jungkook’s thighs as leverage as he finally took him entirely into his mouth.
“Taehyung, holy fuck.”
Taehyung immediately began bobbing up and down, letting it get close but never quite hit the back of his throat. Once again, always a tease.
Jungkook grabbed his hair more forcefully, trying to ground himself but failing as he lost himself to the sensation. Taehyung’s hand grabbed at Jungkook’s wrist and he lifted off.
“Guide me. Come on, fuck my mouth, baby.”
Jungkook felt dizzy at the words, gripping the hair between his fingers and pushing Taehyung’s head down in one swift motion, Taehyung letting out a gag as his cock hit the back of his throat.
Jungkook pulled back up, staring into Taehyung’s now watery eyes, mesmerized by how beautiful he looked. He began moving his head slowly up and down the area, loving the way the warmth enveloped him, wanting to just live in the feeling.
Taehyung loved the feeling, loved feeling Jungkook’s nails nearly digging into his scalp, loved the feeling of his mouth being full. As much as he loved being in control, he also loved these moments where he would give himself to Jungkook and let him use him as he pleases.
Jungkook sped up now, bringing him down harder around him. The feeling of Taehyung’s throat around him was about to send him over the edge. He stopped.
Taehyung lifted off and sat on his knees, his hands still resting on Jungkook’s thighs as he looked down at him.
“I was about to come. But I don’t- I don’t want to, like that. Want you to fuck me. Right now, please.”
“Fuck, okay baby. Okay.”
Taehyung got up and walked over to the bag he had left somewhere near the entrance, grabbing his lube and condoms and moving back to the bed.
Jungkook whined as he sat down in front of him, so much desperation that he wasn’t able to think clearly.
“Just gotta get you ready first, okay?”
Jungkook mumbled in understanding, watching as Taehyung poured the liquid onto his fingers.
He started with one finger, slowly pushing it into the entrance. Jungkook hissed loudly.
“You’re so sensitive,” Taehyung observed, rubbing one hand over Jungkook’s thigh in an attempt to soothe him.
“It’s just… I haven’t… I haven’t been with anyone in a long time.” Jungkook blushed as Taehyung looked at him. “Haven’t been with anyone since you.”
Taehyung’s heart almost burst at the admission. He didn’t want to be jealous, but, well, he was. And knowing that Jungkook hadn’t been with anyone while he was away really made him feel better about everything, about the time spent away from each other, about the whole messy situation.
Taehyung leaned down to kiss him, gentle at first but he couldn’t help himself when he kept going, passionately moving his mouth against Jungkook’s. When he pulled away, Jungkook’s eyes were starry and Taehyung was practically tripping over himself at how beautiful he looked.
“It’s okay. I’ll be gentle, alright?” Taehyung whispered, and Jungkook nodded in return.
He continued moving his finger into him, as slow as he could at first to not hurt him, holding Jungkook’s legs open with his other hand.
“Can I go faster?”
“Yes.”
Taehyung moved his finger faster, pushing a little harder than he had been before, carefully studying Jungkook’s reactions. He loved watching the way his brows furrowed, the way his mouth fell open to let out little sounds.
“Can you take a second one?”
Jungkook let out a soft moan before answering, “Yes.”
Taehyung teased his second finger over the entrance, making Jungkook shiver, before pushing it in to join the first. Taehyung grinned when Jungkook brought one of his hands up to tangle in his own hair, pulling at the strands with every thrust.
“Does that feel good?”
“Mhm, so good.”
Taehyung smiled at the fact that Jungkook was already breathless just from this. He loved seeing the effect he had on him.
Jungkook was falling apart at the seams, becoming more and more impatient as each second went on. He felt more desperate than he ever had in his entire life.
“I’m ready,” he blurted out eventually.
Taehyung slowed down his movements.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes! Yes, I…please don’t make me wait any longer,” he groaned.
“Didn’t realize my baby was so needy,” Taehyung smiled as he pulled his fingers out.
“Always am for you.”
Taehyung slipped on a condom and poured out some more lube, stroking himself a few times. Jungkook watched with hooded eyes, an expression that made Taehyung even more eager.
He prodded at the entrance, Jungkook immediately tensing up at the feeling.
“Gota relax for me, alright? Can you do that?” Taehyung whispered softly into his ear while smoothing his hair.
“Yes.”
Taehyung began to push into him slowly, gently, making sure to be as careful for Jungkook as he could. Jungkook took a deep breath in, sighing loudly as Taehyung bottomed out. His eyes closed tightly as the initial wave of pain hit, trying to to get used to the fullness again.
Taehyung stayed still and waited, observing Jungkook’s reactions closely to make sure he wasn’t doing too much too fast.
“I’m gonna start moving. Is that okay?”
A moment passed before Jungkook opened his eyes again and answered, “Yes.”
Taehyung started moving, thrusting in and out of him slowly. It was enough to make Jungkook fall into a mess of sloppy moans, hands coming up to grip at Taehyung’s shoulders.
“Still good?”
“Mhm.”
Taehyung felt like he’d entered heaven, the tight, warm feeling enveloping him, Jungkook all around him. He’d missed being with Jungkook so damn much.
Taehyung brought his face down to Jungkook’s, connecting their lips lazily as he continued to move inside him. Taehyung grew even hotter at the feeling of Jungkook’s moans vibrating against his mouth.
He picked up the speed of his thrusts gradually, feeling Jungkook’s grip on him grow tighter and tighter.
Jungkook felt like melting from everything. The feeling of having Taehyung on top of him, inside of him. The feeling of being so cared for, being treated so gently and softly. Every second made him realize why he’d been so in love with Taehyung.
Taehyung had reached a much harder pace, his hips snapping against Jungkook’s in quick thrusts. Jungkook’s legs had become wrapped around Taehyung’s waist, Taehyung holding onto Jungkook tightly, burying his face in his neck and breathing him in.
“Taehyung!” Jungkook gasped, followed by a filthy moan as Taehyung hit the right place, and again, and again.
Taehyung began stroking Jungkook as he knew he was getting close, sitting up on his knees as he felt himself teetering dangerously over the edge. Jungkook’s nails begin digging into the skin of Taehyung’s shoulder, leaving marks that Taehyung definitely welcomed.
“I’m gonna-“ Jungkook gasped, signaling to Taehyung that he was about to come.
“Me too, baby. Come on, come for me.”
Jungkook did immediately, releasing onto Taehyung’s hand, moaning loud and uncontrollably.
Taehyung finally let himself go as Jungkook finished, coming deep inside of him.
“Fucking hell, Taehyung,” Jungkook groaned as Taehyung fell down in a heap beside him.
“That was even better than I remember,” Taehyung huffed. “No offense to past you.”
“None taken.”
They both took a minute to catch their breath and recuperate.
“Taehyung.”
“Hm?”
“There’s cum…everywhere.”
Taehyung burst out laughing. “I know.” He sat upright, pulling Jungkook along with him.
“Let’s get cleaned up.”
“Ugh, I prefer cuddles after sex.”
“Will taking a shower with me make you feel better?”
“Yes it will.”
They grabbed the tainted tarps to clean and made their way back to the house, the cold air hitting them but neither of them really noticing through the warm feeling that enveloped them.
-
-
-
Jungkook was bundled up in his winter coat, one of Taehyung’s scarves that he lent him bundled around him as he sat in the seat of his car. Taehyung stood outside, leaning through the rolled down window to talk to him. He had begged him to stay the night with him, but Jungkook knew his parents would expect him to return home that night, and he really did not feel like explaining this situation to them.
“Let me know when you get home, alright?”
“I will.”
Jungkook could tell that Taehyung was stalling him from leaving. Jungkook wasn’t going to complain, though. He wanted an excuse to stick around as long as he could.
“I’ll call you soon.” Taehyung promised him.
They had had a long conversation after the shower while curled up in Taehyung’s bed. Was Jungkook going back to LA or staying? What now? Jungkook had given the same unsatisfying answer to everything: he didn’t know.
Jungkook buckled up to tell Taehyung that he was about to leave.
“Wait. One more thing.”
“What?”
Taehyung pushed his own head into the car and kissed him, slowly and deeply. Jungkook wished it would never end, that he would never pull away, that he would never have to drive back home and decide what he was going to do. But inevitably, Taehyung pulled his head back out of the car, giving him a sweet smile that made Jungkook’s heart break a little with how much he’d missed it.
“Get home safe, baby.”
Jungkook held his breath as rolled up his window and pulled out of the driveway, eyes glued on Taehyung who stayed unmoving on his porch, waiting there to get every last glimpse of him.
-
-
-
Christmas Day was bittersweet.
He woke up in his childhood bed and then unwrapped presents under the tree that had been there every Christmas since middle school, and his parents smiled at him widely and took photos of him proudly, the spirit of the holiday overshadowing whatever animosity had brewed between them. His dad made hot chocolate and Jungkook watched as his parents cuddled closely together while watching Christmas movies on the TV. And something about it all just made him feel happy.
At age 18, he’d come to think that a life this simple wasn’t enough for him. That he needed to conquer borders, do something great. But now, that quiet domesticity gave him a feeling of comfort and warmth that he’d been craving for far too long while he was away. He’d felt that before. He felt it every time he was with Taehyung.
How the hell had he know everything and had it all figured out at 18, but now, at 21, he was realizing he’d actually never known a single thing?
When the day had ended far too quickly and his parents went to bed, Jungkook was left up alone to mull over his situation. Taehyung hadn’t called yet because of the holidays, but he knew it was imminent starting tomorrow. Jungkook still had no idea what to tell him. And he needed to figure it out quickly, not just for Taehyung’s sake, but for his own. He had 2 days left before he would be boarding his plane back to LA with no plans to visit anytime soon. Meaning, he had 2 days to decide whether to cancel his flight and start a new life back in his hometown, or go back and leave his heart behind.
Exhaustion caught up to him before he could make any progress in his decision, and so he went to bed and realized how cold it felt to sleep in his bed without Taehyung there.
-
-
-
Taehyung was a patient man. It was one of his best qualities if you asked him. But goddamn, this was testing him.
He understood the magnitude of this decision for Jungkook, of course. He knew that the other man was going through a major crisis that he himself could never really begin to understand, as someone who’d had his life figured out since he was little. But Taehyung was getting the most unpleasant feeling of deja vu.
He’d lived through this before, the first time Jungkook had left. He remembers the moment Jungkook first told him he wanted to move away, remembers it so vividly that when he thinks about it for too long it sometimes gets hard to breathe. The first time around, he was speechless. He was younger, slightly more selfish, handled it in a way that he wasn’t particularly proud of now. And he really didn’t want to do that again. But just as much, he didn’t want to watch Jungkook leave again. Thinking about it just made his heart feel as if it were being pulled apart inside his chest.
So he called, and called again, and again. Jungkook answered a little less than half the time. At some point, he’s pretty sure the other man just turned his phone off. But what else was he supposed to do? He wanted to be mature about this, wanted to help him talk it out and rationalize it. But then again, he was far too biased to help Jungkook think about this clearly. Maybe he was better off just leaving him be for now.
And then, on the other side of the spectrum, came the anger.
Taehyung doesn’t get angry often, especially not at Jungkook of all people. And the last thing he ever wanted was to be angry or hateful towards Jungkook, make him feel like he owed him anything. But after one too many missed calls, and far too many unwelcome flashbacks, there was a pit in his stomach, a fire that was slowly growing larger with each second getting closer to the possibility of Jungkook leaving.
And then he began to wonder, did Jungkook want the anger? Was he wanting Taehyung to fight for him, to show him something other than a clean cut, mature indifference? Or would that come off as being pushy, rude and childish?
Taehyung wasn’t falling asleep anytime soon despite it being in the early hours of the morning, and so he did the most rational thing a person running on no sleep could do. He called Jungkook.
Some things are just better said face to face, and that’s how he found himself picking Jungkook up at 3 in the morning, Jungkook walking out of his house in his pajamas and coat, looking no more rested than himself.
When he got into the truck and closed the door behind him, there was a stiff silence that immediately filled the air. This should be fun.
Taehyung began driving. To where, he wan’t sure, but anything to fill the awkwardness that wedged between them. What was with them? Just a couple nights ago they were confessing their feelings to each other, effortlessly falling back into the intimacy they once shared as if no time had passed, and now it felt like they were back at the beginning.
Taehyung parked in the first empty lot he could find.
“So what’s the deal?”
Jungkook remained silent, turning to look at him before giving him a small shrug. “I don’t know.”
“Jungkook.” Taehyung sighed, turning in his seat to look at him more directly. “What’re you gonna do if you haven’t made up your mind by tomorrow night? Are you just gonna give up and get on the plane?”
“I…don’t know.”
“Jungkook, you just need to do what makes you happy.”
Jungkook gave a bitter scoff.
“That’s easy for you to say. You’ve had your life planned out since day one. You know it’s not like that for me.”
“I’m sorry. But you said, the other day, you told me you weren’t happy the way things are. So why not try something else?”
“Taehyung…this decision is hard enough without you trying to sway me-“
“For god’s sake Jungkook, someone’s gotta help you get some thought going cause you’re sure as hell not doing it yourself!”
Jungkook’s face fell into a look of hurt, a look that Taehyung had never really caused on him before. It made him feel terrible.
“God, Jungkook. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I just-“
“If you didn’t mean it, you wouldn’t have said it.”
“Jungkook-“
“I’m sorry if this is hard for you, but it’s hard for me too.”
“I never once said it wasn’t! God, for three years I’ve been trying as best as I could to be…to be patient and- and- unselfish, and… and this is how you’re treating me?” Taehyung noticed his voice was raising higher than intended, so he brought himself back down. No matter how mad he was, he would never yell at Jungkook. “You can’t just…just drag me along like this. I can’t be at your beck and call forever.”
“Then go be with someone else.” Jungkook gave him a look that was definitely a challenge. Taehyung wasn’t the type to back down from a challenge, but this wasn’t one he was particularly interested in. “And I’ll go back to LA, and back to the so called ‘friends’ who’ll probably write books about me if I ever fucking make it.”
“You know I don’t want to do that.” Taehyung sighed. “But I can’t wait forever, baby. Please understand. I have feelings, too. And it’s so, so hard to do this. It’s so hard to have you and then lose you. And if you’re gonna keep doing this, gonna keep leaving and coming back, I just…I can’t do that. I can’t.”
Jungkook sighed, the angry expression fading from his face.
“I understand. I know you can’t. I’m sorry. God, I’m being so fucking selfish right now.”
“Kinda.” Taehyung shrugged. Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows at him, but there was a look of fondness under it.
“God, I just- what I mean to say is, I’m not gonna ask you to wait for me if you don’t ask me to stay. You’re right. It’s- it’s not fair to lead you on like this. I’m sorry.”
Taehyung just nodded. “I know. And I won’t ask- I won’t ask that of you. I can’t tell you how to choose.”
“You’re so stubborn, you know,” Jungkook started. “You refuse to ever leave this town. Damn farm.”
“Hey, remember that one time you told me, you and I were gonna buy that farm someday and live together on it. Away from the world. Just us.”
“Yeah.”
“Y’know, my parents have been talking lately. Been talking about moving out west, to the mountains. Talking about leaving the farm to me to take over.”
“Seriously?”
“Mhm. Could be all mine someday soon.”
“Wow.”
They let themselves go quiet for a while, just think about life. They were still so young, but at the same time, at an age where they needed to start figuring out what they were going to spend the rest of their lives doing. So many people they went to school with were already married, had a few kids by now, a house. And here they were, snuck out of their houses at 3 in the morning, fighting over another one of their existential crises. But, hey, what’s the fun in being normal?
“What’re you thinking about?” Taehyung asked after they’d sat in silence for a while.
“About how the years have caught up with me way too fast.” Jungkook stared ahead. “I really thought by now, I would be something big, have made a life for myself already. But instead I’m just back to the same place I was fresh outta high school. Feel like I should’ve made at least some progress by now.”
“You know most people don’t get it right on the first time? That’s the thing about being young. We all think, we’re big adults now, we can do whatever we want now. And so we jump head first into the deepest waters we can find, and then we realize we’re drowning. And it’s not because we’re just bad swimmers. It’s because we didn’t give ourselves the time to learn how to swim.”
Jungkook gave a small smile to him. “You’re so poetic.”
“I know. You should read the poems I write about you.”
“You write poems about me?” Jungkook looked at him with wide eyes, making Taehyung burst out laughing at him.
“Oh yeah. You give me lots of material.”
Jungkook rolled his eyes but the smile on his face showed he was so, so endeared.
“I think we both need some rest. Let me take you back home.”
Taehyung reached for the gearstick to shift into drive, but Jungkook’s hand abruptly popped out to stop him. Taehyung looked up at him questioningly.
“Take me home with you.”
“Wh- what?”
“I want to go home with you. Go to bed with you. God, it’s so…it’s so damn lonely sleeping by myself.”
“I- I thought…your parents…”
“Oh they’re eventually gonna find out one way or another.” Jungkook waved his hand in dismissal. “Please?”
Taehyung looked into the starry, beautiful doe eyes that he knew so well, and he knew there was no way in hell he was going to be saying no to him. He silently began driving in the direction of his own house.
“My baby really can’t sleep without me?”
Jungkook smiled. “I think your bed might be the warmest one I’ve ever known.”
-
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-
[Flashback- Three Years Ago]
Ever since he had made the decision, he had been dreading telling his parents.
He cursed himself, wished he’d never opened this can of worms, wished he would’ve just accepted his life like everyone else and not question it. But he had, and now he had to deal with the fallout.
He’d spent the better part of the week going the extra mile, being a much better son than usual, probably to a suspicious degree. And now it was the end of the week, and he was running out of time before he left for school. It was now or never.
“I need to talk to you about something,” Jungkook blurted out one night on a whim. Guess he’s doing this now,
HIs parents looked at him expectantly. They never were the dismissive type. They were such wonderful parents, why was he doing this to them?
“I’ve uh…I’ve been thinking about my future. And what I want to do with my life.”
“Okay…” his mother answered, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
“I’ve been thinking that maybe, I just feel like…I don’t really want to go into law.”
They both made a sound of acknowledgment, not quite good but not particularly angry. More so just trying to understand.
“So, you want to change your major?” His dad asked, and Jungkook wanted to cry at how unassuming they were about the situation.
“No, not quite that.” Jungkook cringed at the thought of having to continue. “I, um…I don’t think I actually want to really go to college.”
Then came the absolutely deafening silence. So quiet, so empty. For a moment, Jungkook wished they would just yell at him, get angry, get it over with. He’ll cry about it and then get over it. But instead it was just silence, and that was somehow so much worse.
Jungkook didn’t want to add insult to injury, but he was already this deep in so he figured he might as well get it all out right now.
“And I think I want to move. To LA. And…and try acting.”
His parents finally broke the silence.
“Acting? When have you ever been interested in acting?” His mother rambled.
“Yeah, Jungkook, you never even did theater in high school. Where is this coming from?” His father added.
“Well I…I’ve always loved movies a lot. I just, I never really understood how passionate I was about it because I was always so worried about school and studying. I…I thought it was just a dumb little hobby, but now…I think this is what I was actually meant to do.”
“Jungkook, don’t you think you should take more time to think about this? You’re young and impulsive.” His mother tried to reason with him.
“Your mother’s right. If you do something like this, it’s very likely you’ll regret it in just a few years.”
Jungkook felt helpless. He wasn’t a fighter. He wasn’t used to having to stand up for himself. He’d spent the better part of his life playing it safe. So what was he supposed to do now?
“I just…I’m tired of living on the comfortable side. I wanna…I wanna do something cool. Something I love and…” He faltered at the pained expression on his parents face. “I just don’t want to wake up one day and feel like I’ve wasted my life.”
There was a long night of back and forth after that, the last thing his parents said before he went to bed ringing in his ears.
“We can’t tell you what to do, Jungkook. But we can tell you what you should do.”
The thing was, Jungkook was no longer interested in the “shoulds.”
~~~
Jungkook thought that telling his parents was going to be the hardest. He had no clue what was in store for him when telling Taehyung.
He hadn’t really thought about that, to be fair. He definitely should have. Taehyung was his boyfriend. His favorite person. The love of his life. And he hadn’t had one single serious conversation with him about this decision. He’d gotten so caught up in his newfound autonomy, the last thing he had been thinking about was asking for permission.
Yes, it was a severe miscalculation. But he was 18 years old, new to relationships, and absolutely terrible at communication. And now it was catching up with him.
“Taehyung-“
“Woah, woah, woah. Slow down. You’re moving?”
“Taehyung, please don’t freak out.”
“You’ve been planning to move across the country and you’re just now telling me?”
This was the first time Taehyung had ever raised his voice at him. Jungkook didn’t like it one bit.
“I- I really just made the decision recently-“
“Jungkook, you should have been talking to me about this. We could’ve figured something out. You can’t just…Jungkook, when we have a problem we have to talk about it!”
Taehyung’s thoughts were getting muddled and he was starting to become a little incoherent. Jungkook was starting to really feel bad about all of the emotional breakdowns he’d been causing lately.
“Jungkook, I can’t- I can’t move! I’m working on the farm here, you know that.”
“Yeah…I do.”
Taehyung looked at him with an expression that Jungkook could only decipher as betrayal. Regardless, he felt terrible being on the receiving end of it.
“So, what’re you saying? Do you mean that you…that you’ve been thinking about leaving me this whole time?”
Jungkook sighed in frustration. Not frustration particularly at Taehyung, but at everything, himself, his life, all of this bullshit that he wished he didn’t have to deal with.
“Taehyung, don’t say it like that. Obviously I don’t want to leave you-“
“Well, it kinda seems like you do.” Taehyung’s voice was stern, cold. “You’re talking about moving 2,000 miles away, indefinitely. In what world is a relationship sustainable like that?”
“I…I guess it’s not. It’s really not.”
“Jungkook…you understand that…that I only ever want you to be happy. And so…I’m not gonna sit here and tell you what to do. But please know, please know, I love you so much. I love you in a way that I can’t even describe. Before I met you, I didn’t even know that I could love anything this much. But you…god, you’re just everything to me. I just need you to know that, no matter what you do.”
Jungkook stared at him silently while tears streamed down his face. He didn’t even notice they were there.
“And of course I want you to stay. I’d love nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you if I’m being honest. But…but you need to make this decision for yourself.”
Jungkook wiped at his eyes, sniffling and feeling like a complete mess. This was not his proudest moment for sure.
“Taehyung?”
“Yes?”
“I already made this decision. I’m leaving later this week.”
Taehyung swallowed hard, a lump in his throat. His eyes suddenly felt like they were on fire, his stomach felt the worst kind of uneasiness.
“Jungkook. Are you sure?”
“Yes. I…I made this decision. And I need to stick to it.”
Taehyung tried his best to stay together, he really did, but even the strongest people fall apart sometimes. He swallowed his pride, he cried, he lost his sense of shame.
“Can we please at least talk about this?”
Jungkook wanted to. He wanted to listen to him, sit down and handle this like adults. But he’d told himself, this decision was final. He was going to stick to his guns this time. He had to.
“Taehyung, I told you, I already decided.”
“But you…you can’t go. You can’t leave me here. You can’t just leave us like this. You can’t…”
“Taehyung, I…” HIs heart shattered whenever he made eye contact with Taehyung, so he decided to look away instead. “I have to.”
“Am I…am I not enough?”
Jungkook felt so much pain, everywhere.
“I…I think I’m too young to know that for sure.”
That was the last thing said between them before Jungkook got in his car, and Taehyung eventually mustered up the ability to get in his truck and drive home. And then Jungkook got on a plane, and disappeared for far too long.
[End of Flashback]
-
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-
Jungkook woke up in a cold sweat, jumping slightly as he took in his surroundings. He’d just been dreaming, an unpleasant flashback to the night he’d left Taehyung. His brain always had perfect timing like that, torturing him subconsciously every chance it got.
The uneasy feeling went away when he realized where he was, in Taehyung’s bed. He reached over next to him, feeling the weight and warmth of Taehyung’s body next to him. He grazed his hand over the other man, just barely making out the shape of his face as his eyes adjusted to the light. Taehyung stirred in his sleep, mindlessly pulling Jungkook closer to him. All of the fear, every last remnant of the nightmare melted away almost instantly, and he fell back asleep peacefully.
He woke up once again a few hours later. It was early morning now, the small amount of sun peaking over the horizon coming in through the cracks in the blinds.
Jungkook heard the shower running in the next room over, which explained Taehyung’s absence next to him. It was strange, he thought. Even though he’d technically woken up in the bed alone, he still felt comfortable, at peace. As if just knowing that Taehyung was still around, was going to come back to the bed for him, was enough to make the bed feel full. Waking up alone in his own place was much different. A lot lonelier. A lot more difficult to even think about getting out of bed.
He heard the water stop and squeaking as the knob twisted off. Then the thumping of Taehyung getting out of the tub, the towel being swished around his hair, and footsteps approaching the room before the door opened.
Jungkook turned over to look. Taehyung walked into the room, the towel wrapped around his waist and his hair dripping wet, some slicked back and some hanging messily over his forehead. Jungkook stared, probably forgetting to blink, because Taehyung was just standing there in front him looking like the manifestation of his teenage dreams. Taehyung smirked at him when he noticed.
“Hey stalker, gonna watch me undress?” Taehyung teased.
“Yes,” Jungkook said deadpan, making Taehyung burst out laughing.
Taehyung dropped his towel and pulled on a shirt and sweatpants before plopping onto the bed next to Jungkook. They stared at each other for a moment, small smiles. Simultaneously, Jungkook scooted closer and Taehyung pulled him in. Jungkook wrapped his arms around Taehyung’s neck and laid his head on his chest, Taehyung’s arms moving around his waist. They sat in silence for a while, the sun slowly filling the room more and more as the minutes passed. They both secretly cursed the morning light, not wanting the day to approach too quickly.
Taehyung pulled Jungkook even closer at the thought, maybe squeezing a bit too hard by the way Jungkook let out a little squeak.
“Trying to crush me?” Jungkook giggled.
Taehyung just smiled and brought his lips down to Jungkook’s. They kissed each other lazily, Taehyung moving to lean over Jungkook.
“Ugh, you’re dripping water on me.” Jungkook groaned. He realized his mistake immediately when Taehyung gave him a devilish smirk, and then he was up, shaking his head like a wet dog, pelting Jungkook with stray drops of water.
“You fucking-“ Jungkook screeched, sitting up and reaching his arms up to grab Taehyung.
“What? What’re you gonna do about it?” Taehyung grinned wide, stopping Jungkook’s arms from grabbing him and moving to lay on top of him, holding him down.
“I’m gonna-“ Jungkook started but was cut off by Taehyung tickling him, sending him into a fit of giggles and complaints.
“Hm? Hm?” Taehyung taunted as Jungkook moved around under him, helplessly flinging his limbs every which way at Taehyung.
Taehyung finally stopped, bringing his hands to grab Jungkook’s now, and began leaving kisses all along up and down his palm and his fingertips. He looked down at Jungkook, whose wide smile was now fading into a more neutral look of adoration. Taehyung let go of his hands and laid down to kiss him. Jungkook moaned in surprise at the sudden contact before quickly melting into it. He wrapped his arms tightly around Taehyung’s neck, as Taehyung moved his arms on either side of Jungkook’s head, grazing the side of his face with his hand. He focused on that touch, the feeling of Jungkook’s skin under his fingers, the feeling of Jungkook’s body under him, the feeling of Jungkook’s soft lips against his. Focused on it, captured it, and burned it into his memory. Just in case he wouldn’t feel it again.
Jungkook, contrastingly, thought about the weight of Taehyung upon him, loving the feeling of it, as if it was the only thing in the world that was keeping him tethered to the earth, grounding him. Sometimes it did feel like that was what Taehyung was to him. Like he would’ve lost himself entirely at this point if Taehyung had never been there.
And he knew, in this moment, he was still confused about a lot of things. He wasn’t afraid to acknowledge anymore: no, he didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life. But he also no longer felt like his life was over because of that. He could finally understand that at 21 years old, there’s no reason why he should need to feel like his life was perfectly decided. So, yes, he was confused. But there was no longer any fear in that confusion. Because that was Taehyung. Taehyung was his peace, his sanity in the insanity.
Jungkook stopped moving his lips, opening his eyes to look into Taehyung’s. Taehyung noticed and stopped as well, looking down at Jungkook, waiting.
“Taehyung…” Jungkook whispered.
“Yes?”
“I’m staying.”
Jungkook could feel Taehyung’s heart start pounding against him, and his own picked up as well as he realized he’d just told Taehyung his decision.
“Are you…are you serious?” Taehyung’s voice was shaky, cautious but hopeful.
“Yes, I- I want to stay. I want to stay here, with you. I- I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I don’t care. I just…fuck, I want you more than anything. I know that now. I just…” Jungkook couldn’t form words anymore through his emotions.
Taehyung crashed his lips into Jungkook’s, kissing him hard but somehow still so softly.
“I- what made you change your mind?” Taehyung asked, tears welling in his eyes.
“This…” Jungkook waved his arms around. “You. Just everything. Everything always leads to you. And this stupid little town. And this stupid little farm.”
“Hey! Don’t call my farm stupid,” Taehyung admonished teasingly and Jungkook dismissed him with a laugh.
“I thought that all those years ago I felt trapped here, for some reason. I don’t know, teenage angst? Trying too hard to compensate for the fact that I barely knew myself? I don’t know. I was just- I’m still so lost. But god, you. You’re the one thing I ever got right. And I’m not fucking that up again.”
Taehyung didn’t say anything, just stared at him with the smile he missed so much, and then wrapped Jungkook up in his arms and laid down at his side. They laid there, sleeping in for practically half the day, just for the hell of it, for the sake of the old times. But this time, with no rush, no sense of urgency. Because they didn’t have to worry about running out of time now. They never would again.
“I love you.” Jungkook whispered into the still air.
It was the first time he’d said it in 3 years, but it felt just the same saying it now, if not so much stronger.
Taehyung remained still and quiet, moving his hand up and down Jungkook’s body as they both slowly fell asleep. Taehyung whispered quietly, one last thing before sleep took over them.
“I love you too.”
-
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-
Jungkook’s parents were ecstatic when he told them the news. They’d made their peace with him leaving, but there was always that desire to have him back home.
They were also very excited to learn that Taehyung was back in the picture. They’d always liked him, and while Jungkook was away, every now and then they’d ask about him, ask if they were still talking. And Jungkook would try his best to ignore the lump in his throat and tell them that, no, he hadn’t heard from him in a while. But now Jungkook was bringing him into his parent’s house again for dinner, the four of them sitting around the table, feeling like a family, and he felt so complete.
They laced their fingers together as Taehyung drove, heading back to his house where Jungkook was staying for the night. They’d been spending the last few weeks living in and out of each other’s houses. They weren’t quite sure yet about the future and the possibility of moving in, so for now they were just back to the basics. It was good enough for them, though.
They walked through the door of Taehyung’s bedroom, Taehyung sitting down on the edge of his bed as Jungkook put his stuff away in the corner. He discarded his bag and turned toward the bed.
“Come here.” Taehyung smiled at him and placed his hands on his knees.
Jungkook did as he asked, walking to stand in front of Taehyung, who grabbed his waist and pulled him between his legs.
“God, you look so beautiful tonight,” Taehyung whispered as he studied his face. “Just wanted to get you home all night.”
“Well, you got me here. What’re you gonna do now?” Jungkook teased, more like a challenge, as he leaned down into Taehyung’s face, only inches from his lips.
“Hm…take a wild guess.” Taehyung smiled and then connected their lips, and then his stomach was bursting into a fit of butterflies as if it was the first time. It happened every time, even after all these years. Taehyung reckoned it would never stop.
Taehyung grabbed Jungkook below the waist, rubbing his hands up and down the shape of his ass. He squeezed hard, eliciting a small sound from Jungkook, who then moved to straddle Taehyung’s lap where he sat.
Taehyung moved his hands up to go under Jungkook’s shirt, feeling up the skin of his back and then coming around the front to touch his chest. He traced his fingers over his nipples, which hardened under his touch, and Jungkook moaned into Taehyung’s mouth at the feeling.
“Like that?”
“You know I do.”
Taehyung grinned and began to kiss along Jungkook’s neck as he continued to touch his chest, making Jungkook shiver at the combined sensations. Jungkook already felt so gone and they hadn’t even taken their clothes off yet.
Taehyung left a few gentle bites along the skin of his neck, licking over the bruises that formed. He loved marking him like this, and Jungkook loved when he did it.
He went to kiss lower, but Jungkook’s shirt was in the way. Taehyung laid down, flipping them over so Jungkook was laying below him on the bed. Taehyung pulled his shirt off carefully and then began to kiss around his collarbones.
Jungkook laced his fingers into Taehyung’s hair as the other man moved his mouth all over his stomach, kissing, licking, and biting anywhere he could. He moaned at the warmth of Taehyung’s mouth, how his hot breath covered his body. The more Taehyung did, the more he teased, the more impatient Jungkook got.
Jungkook loved when they went slow, loved when they just took their time with each other. But at that moment…he just wanted it now.
“Taehyung,” Jungkook breathed out.
Taehyung looked up from where he had been kissing. “Yeah?”
“Wanna ride you.”
Taehyung’s eyes widened comically large, almost making Jungkook burst out laughing. Taehyung definitely didn’t expect for that to come out of his mouth, but he was more than happy to fill his request.
“Fuck, baby,” Taehyung groaned, which Jungkook knew was his way of saying absolutely yes. He moved back up to kiss Jungkook sloppily, letting their bodies just move together without thought.
At some point, Jungkook moved up to sit on Taehyung’s lap, straddling him again. He pulled at Taehyung’s shirt and tossed it off, his hands immediately grabbing at Taehyung’s now bare shoulders, gripping his skin desperately.
Jungkook’s eagerness was getting Taehyung hot. Jungkook usually took a more submissive role when they had sex, which Taehyung loved, but he was also so fucking into him taking control like this.
Jungkook kissed him hard, pushing his tongue deep into his mouth, moving his lips slow and passionately. His grip on Taehyung tightened as he felt himself grow harder. He needed him so damn bad.
Taehyung gasped as Jungkook began to grind down onto his leg. Taehyung watched, throbbing, as Jungkook used his leg to try to get himself off. The way he desperately moved on top of him, moaning at the contact. Taehyung grasped at Jungkook’s waist, beginning to guide him up and down.
“Want it that bad?”
“Fuck yeah,” Jungkook groaned. He was already falling apart from this.
They moved in a hurry to get off their pants and underwear, sighing in relief because it was getting tight.
Taehyung would’ve been reaching for the lube and condom by now, but couldn’t with Jungkook on top of him. As if reading his mind, Jungkook looked at him and shook his head.
“I’m gonna do it,” he said casually before lifting off of Taehyung to grab the bottle.
Taehyung’s eyebrows raised. “You’re gonna-“
“I’m gonna fuck myself open and you’re gonna watch.”
Taehyung felt like he was going to pass out. Jungkook was so damn bold today, and he was not complaining at all. He leaned back, arms stretched out behind him as he took in the view in front of him.
Jungkook was already pouring the lube over his fingers, tossing the bottle away carelessly. He took a few deep breaths as brought his hand down and rubbed it over his hole a few times teasingly. He made direct eye contact with Taehyung as he pushed the first one in slowly. He gasped as the pressure hit him, a dull pain that slowly melted away after a few seconds. He started to move his finger in and out gently, giving himself time to adjust to it before getting faster with his movements. He let out a few soft moans as he moved his finger inside of himself, imagining that it was Taehyung who was doing it.
Taehyung watched, his cheeks flushed, as Jungkook touched himself. He wondered what he was thinking about as he fucked himself open, wondered what kind of dirty thoughts Jungkook had. He also wondered if he did this often when they weren’t together, if he touched himself like this while thinking about him. His dick got even harder at the thought.
Jungkook brought a second finger to his opening, slowly pushing it inside to join the other one. The pressure hit again as the new finger was added, so he started to go slower again before picking back up. He’d touched himself many times before, but it never felt as good as it did right now. There was just something about Taehyung watching him do it that made it so much hotter.
“Taehyung,” Jungkook moaned out softly, making Taehyung groan at how hot it was. He grabbed his own dick, starting to rub his hand over himself.
“”You look so fucking good, baby,” Taehyung moaned as he stroked himself.
Jungkook’s lips quirked slightly upward at the words. He pushed his finger in even harder now, moving faster and faster, the stimulation starting to get him. He felt ready, and he just needed Taehyung so damn bad right now. He pulled his fingers out carefully and sat up, moving to sit back on top of Taehyung’s lap. He pulled Taehyung’s hand away from his dick that he was now touching, placing it on his own waist instead. He moved up to hover above him before slowly sinking down and taking it in. He let out a loud noise as Taehyung filled him, so much bigger than his fingers. Taehyung groaned in relief when he felt himself finally inside of Jungkook. He was achingly hard at this point and just needed to feel Jungkook around him.
Jungkook laid his head on Taehyung’s shoulder for a few moments as he collected himself. He raised upwards, and slowly began to move himself up and down. He buried his face even deeper into Taehyung’s neck as he moved, and Taehyung’s arms wrapped tightly around Jungkook’s waist.
“You feel so fucking good,” Taehyung whispered into Jungkook’s ear. Jungkook responded by starting to move even faster, making Taehyung groan even louder.
Jungkook brought his hands to rest on Taehyung’s shoulders for leverage as he moved, allowing him to get a better angle. HIs knees started to hurt from all of the movement, but it still felt so good. He could tell Taehyung was getting close from how much noise he was making, paired with the way his fingers were starting to dig into Jungkook’s skin.
“You like that?” Jungkook asked as he pushed himself down onto Taehyung again and again.
“Yes, fuck, yes,” Taehyung moaned breathlessly.
Jungkook began to kiss all along Taehyung’s neck as he rode him, biting at his most sensitive spots and grinning at the sounds it elicited from Taehyung.
“Do I feel that good?” Jungkook teased him.
Taehyung could only groan at this point because Jungkook had him so far gone. Jungkook knew how crazy he could drive Taehyung with a little teasing, and he was going full force with it tonight. Taehyung thanked the universe for blessing him today. This must’ve been his good karma for something, he wasn’t quite sure what for, but he must’ve done something really good to deserve this.
“Jungkook, I, I’m getting close.”
“I know. Touch me,” Jungkook responded through sharp breaths.
Taehyung grabbed Jungkook’s dick into his hand and began to stroke. Jungkook gasped, he was right on the edge.
Taehyung took Jungkook’s body language as a sign to stroke a little faster, giving a final few pumps before Jungkook was spilling all over his hand. Jungkook leaned onto Taehyung, breathing heavily as he orgasmed. Taehyung pushed the two of them over so Jungkook was laying beneath him and grabbed Jungkook’s thighs into his hands. He fucked into him a few times, Jungkook moaning out quietly, before he came inside.
Taehyung pulled out and rolled over, grabbing a tissue off the side table to wipe his hand off. He laid next to Jungkook, pulling him towards him.
“God, you’re so…” Taehyung trailed off, not quite sure how to even put into words the way Jungkook could make him feel.
“I’m so?” Jungkook giggled.
“You are so.” Taehyung laughed back.
Jungkook nuzzled into Taehyung’s neck, wrapping his arms around his back and the back of his neck.
“Need to shower,” Taehyung sighed as he traced his fingers along Jungkook’s skin.
“I know.”
They laid around for a while, losing track of time, before finally showering and then going to bed.
Taehyung laid awake for a while as Jungkook dozed off in his arms, head resting on his chest. He thought about how three years ago, he thought he’d never see Jungkook again, thought he’d never hold him like this again. He hugged Jungkook closer to him, making the other stir in his sleep, a string of sleepy, confused noises coming from his mouth before he fell back asleep. Taehyung smiled at his cuteness, thanking the universe for the second time that night, before slowly falling to sleep himself.
-
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-
[Flashback- Three Years Ago]
Taehyung sat in his truck after school, waiting for Jungkook to get out to the parking lot from the building. Taehyung sighed, Jungkook always took forever.
He fiddled with the radio, skipping past a bunch of stations- some people talking about politics, a minister rambling about saving themselves from damnation, Top Country Hits- no thank you.
He settled on a station that played a mix of new and old pop. That was the station Jungkook liked, so he typically kept it on that one anyway. He looked up from where he was changing the station to see Jungkook a few feet away. He pulled the door open and threw his bag in before hopping up into the seat.
“Hi,” Jungkook smiled and gave him a small kiss on the cheek.
“Hi,” Taehyung grinned and placed his hand on the side of Jungkook’s face, planting a gentle kiss on his lips.
“Where are you taking me?” Jungkook asked, looking out the window at the people walking around the lot.
“Oh, I’m taking you somewhere?” Taehyung smiled. He already knew the answer. They’d usually go anywhere but home after school, riding around wherever until their parents called them and told them to get home.
“Duh.” Jungkook rolled his eyes teasingly.
Taehyung put the car in reverse and pulled out of the lot, heading onto some backroads immediately to get out of the after school traffic.
Jungkook watched him, staring shamelessly as Taehyung drove. The way he drove one handed while he combed his hair back with the other drove Jungkook slightly insane. He looked out the window to try to fight the blush that was forcefully creeping onto his cheeks.
He’d met Taehyung about four months ago in his science class. They got partnered on a project together, something about solar mass, or dark matter, or something. He wasn’t quite sure, that was all Taehyung’s thing. He’d been so fascinated by how passionate Taehyung was about the topic. It seemed like Taehyung knew everything there was to know about the universe and outer space. He’d watch him go on and on about, and thought to himself, he could watch him talk about this for hours, even though he had no clue what he was talking about. They got an A on the project, and Jungkook asked Taehyung to teach him more about space, which was totally not an excuse to just keep talking to him.
He’d met Taehyung in a park one night, late at night so the stars were out. Taehyung had brought a big, fancy telescope; he’d never seen one like it, as the only one he’d ever had was a cheap one from the supermarket.
Taehyung showed him all around the night sky, and Jungkook may have been a little too distracted to learn much, but it made him want to learn about space forever.
They hung out a few more times before Taehyung finally told Jungkook that he was aware of the very obvious, very massive crush that Jungkook had on him. While Jungkook was busy panicking and having his face turn beet red, Taehyung had grabbed his face and kissed him. It was short and sweet, but it made Jungkook’s head spin around in circles and his stomach break into the largest fit of butterflies he’d ever felt in his life. He fell into bed that night with a squeal, a squeal for god’s sake, because he didn’t even know it was possible for another person to make him feel that strongly.
They started dating shortly after, and Jungkook started spending so much time in the passenger seat of Taehyung’s truck that Taehyung thought he ought to start charging him rent.
Today was just another one of those days. Taehyung’s hand grabbed Jungkook’s as he cruised down the road, the wind from the open windows sending their hair into a frenzy as they zoomed over the hills.
Jungkook wasn’t quite sure what the feeling inside of him was. It was good, definitely. But it was…it wasn’t just happiness, or contentment, or excitement. He searched through his mind, trying to figure out from experience what it was that he felt as Taehyung brought his hand up to his lips and kissed it. What he felt as he watched Taehyung’s hair flopping in the breeze as the sun lit up his skin. What he felt as he thought that he never wanted to leave Taehyung’s side.
Oh. Oh. Jungkook realized with a flutter of his heart.
It was love. He was in love.
And Jungkook had come to believe that he was not one to back down from a challenge, so he said it the second it came to him.
“I love you,” he said casually, as if it wasn’t the first time he was ever saying this to Taehyung.
Taehyung’s head left the road for the first time as he glanced quickly at Jungkook.
“Fuck, Jungkook.” Taehyung stared back at the road ahead, and a bright smile came across his face. “I love you too. So fucking much.”
Jungkook’s heart calmed down as Taehyung said it back, and then they wordlessly continued driving. It wasn’t that surprising, really. They’d both known it for a while.
The truck disappeared past the tree line, the two of them knowing they wouldn’t get back for a while. Jungkook felt Taehyung squeeze his hand three times, and he just smiled, resting his head on the window as they rode.
[End Of Flashback]
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Jungkook wasn’t sure how he’d gotten roped into this- helping Taehyung’s parents move out- but here he was, lifting boxes upon boxes out of the house and into the moving truck. He sighed, knowing that he was going to have to do this process all over again soon, as he was going to be moving into this house with Taehyung just next week.
Taehyung’s parents had gone through with it, leaving Tupelo for good and heading to Colorado. They were deliberating for a long time on what to do with the farm. They were thinking of selling it, and using the money to help fund their move, but Taehyung had begged them to let him take over, and they’d eventually relented. Jungkook wasn’t worried, though. He knew leaving it with Taehyung was leaving it in some of the best hands there was. He had already started hiring a few more people to help out. He teased Jungkook that he could work there, and Jungkook had just scoffed. In his dreams.
Jungkook had found work himself, anyway. He’d started working at the playhouse in town. They were hiring stage crew and Jungkook had jumped on it immediately. He’d never really thought about getting involved in the local acting scene, didn’t even really know there was one. But now he spent every day putting on shows with a group of talented actors that he knew he could learn a thing or two from. And his boss had skimmed his resume, seeing his prior experience, and implored him to audition for a show sometime soon. Jungkook had nodded and smiled. He would.
Jungkook walked into the kitchen that was now much emptier than it had been before.
“We’re gonna need to go to Home Depot or something. My parents took all the shit,” Taehyung sighed and combed his fingers through his hair, making Jungkook laugh.
Jungkook hopped up onto the kitchen counter to sit on it. Taehyung walked over and placed his hands on Jungkook’s thighs, standing between his legs.
Taehyung kissed him softly, smiling when he felt Jungkook giggling into the kiss.
“Why’re you so giggly today?”
“Just happy,” Jungkook shrugged.
“I know. Me too.”
They kissed another time. And another. And another until they lost count. This was it, they were moving in together- alone. It’d been almost a year since Jungkook decided to stay, and they were excited to finally get to start living their life together.
“Let me take you out tonight,” Taehyung said as they pulled away from the kiss.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Where do you wanna go?”
Jungkook thought for a moment. “You know where I haven’t been in forever?”
“Where?”
“That tiny little corner cafe we always used to go to when we were in school. Is that place even still open?”
Taehyung smiled as he remembered. “Pretty sure it is. I drive by it all the time.”
It was a little local place. The food wasn’t anything spectacular, but it was cheap and had a nice atmosphere, so it had been a favorite of theirs back in the day.
“Then there.”
“Got it.”
They kissed some more, and then Taehyung was lifting Jungkook off the counter, Jungkook wrapping his arms and legs around him as Taehyung carried him up the stairs. Their stairs in their house.
The sun was starting to set, and the mid autumn chill beginning to waft through the windows. Outside sat Taehyung’s truck, and inside sat the two of them, curled up together as they watched some movie that Jungkook swore was “one of the best of all time.” It was all so simple, no thousands of miles, no cold city with cold people, no spending nights alone in a bed that always felt too big despite its small size. Just the two of them, in Taehyung’s farmhouse in the middle of his old hometown. A place that, as much as he might gripe about from time to time, and that he had run from for so long, had come to prove was his home. Or more specifically, which had Taehyung, who every single road he took lead back to. After years of his early-life crisis, he’d finally figured out what the hell he was trying to do. And Taehyung was the missing piece to that puzzle.
That was the answer, and finally, finally, he’d found his home.