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“It’s hard to study with you pouting like that,” Rhett said, once he’d grown tired of waiting for Link to say something.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Link mumbled.
“You’ve been all.. sulky all afternoon.” At first Rhett had thought that maybe Link was just hungry. Rhett knew that he himself could get pretty cranky when he was hungry. But Link’s mood did not change after dinner.
It wasn’t that Link seemed angry. Cranky probably hadn’t been the right word. He seemed.. pensive, gloomy. Normally, when Link got all in his head about something, he’d be talking Rhett’s ear off by now. The fact that he wasn’t doing so now was starting to get Rhett all in his head about this.. whatever it was.. having something to do with him.
“Okay then,” Rhett reasoned. “You ain’t denying it any longer. Do you wanna.. talk about it?”
Link looked up from where he had been pretending to study. Where he’d been mostly tapping his pencil and periodically, dramatically sighing.
“If you do wanna talk about it, you have my attention. If you don’t, can you just try to.. I dunno. Sulk more discreetly? It’s distracting.”
Link chewed his lower lip a little. Which was also distracting.
A lot about Link had been distracting Rhett since they got to college.
Rhett had had a crush on him since.. well, those lines were so blurred, it was hard to recall a time where Rhett could remember interacting without viewing him through the lens of someone that was not and had not always been.. overly fond of their best buddy.
Rhett wasn’t sure how he’d convinced himself that sharing a room wouldn’t be awkward. It would have been wildly suspicious if he’d claimed he didn’t want to room with Link. Everyone expected them to. He was sure Link expected that too. He didn’t want to hurt Link’s feelings.
Rhett had also completely underestimated how different being roommates was from just spending all day every day together.
Rhett hadn’t realized how much he had relied on that respite at the end of the day.
It wasn’t that Link was difficult to be around. Link was the person that was easiest in the world to be around. They liked the same things, the same music, they shared the same type of humor. They legitimately never got on each other’s nerves.
So it had truly taken Rhett by surprise when he realized that he needed those breaks at the end of the day. When he could finally exhale, and not have to have his guard up - trying not to look at Link too long, trying not to lick his lips when he watched Link’s lips move when he talked, trying to make sure he didn’t stand so close as to make Link uncomfortable.
He had depended on that time to himself, where he could touch himself as he thought about being close to Link, and he thought about Link’s lips and voice. And it just didn’t feel quite right to do that when Link was sleeping right there sleeping in the bunk above Rhett. Rhett would lie awake at night wondering what Link thought about at night; and each time the top bunk moved, Rhett would wonder if there was any chance Link was touching himself at night.
Redefining their boundaries had taken some time. Especially since he had to work on it alone, as Link wouldn’t even realize that there was anything to redefine!
Ultimately, Rhett had become comfortable with the new arrangement. But he still became paranoid when Link got too quiet around him. Like maybe Link had figured it out. And he’ll either be freaked out by it, or he’ll feel pity for Rhett. Or he won’t understand that it’s okay with Rhett if Link doesn’t look at him the same way that he looks at Link. That Rhett values their friendship, and that it’s not just a placeholder until Rhett gets what he really wants. He doesn’t expect to get anything more than the everything that he and Link have together. He wouldn’t trade their friendship for anything.
Rhett feels his mind beginning to spiral. He’s not asking Link for anything, and it doesn’t mean that what they have is in any way incomplete or.. less than. And Link doesn’t have to worry that Rhett is resentful or creepy, or that he can’t respect Link as a friend. Link doesn’t have to worry that Rhett is sad or disappointed, or so frustrated that one day he might just decide that he can’t handle having Link in his life without having all of him.
Link doesn’t have to worry.
Why does he seem worried?
Why hadn’t he told Rhett what’s worrying him?
Rhett is absolutely made of worry.
“Do you ever think about what life is gonna be like after college?” Link asked.
Rhett shrugged. “Less studying. So. That’ll be nice.”
Link snorted. “You hardly study as it is! You just try to look busy while I study. Sometimes you don’t even bother with that - and you just go off and play videogames.”
“Fine,” Rhett conceded. “Life will be essentially exactly the same.”
Link made a small sound somewhere between a sigh and a huff.
He wanted Rhett to be serious.
So Rhett tried again. “We’ll.. get jobs.”
“Sure.”
“You’ll get married.”
Link’s eyebrows knit together with mild confusion. “You won’t?”
“Probably will.”
Link pressed his lips together.
Rhett’s throat suddenly felt dry and tight. He wasn’t sure what this tension was, but he felt compelled to cut it. “Assuming I find someone that will tolerate me the way you do.”
That earned Rhett half a chuckle out of Link.
“I know we don’t normally talk about stuff like this..”
Rhett’s heart began to race. Where was Link going with this?
“..we’re supposed to get married and.. be with one woman.”
Rhett felt like he could crawl out of his skin. Link was right. They didn’t normally talk about stuff like this. Why did they have to start? Rhett really didn’t wanna hear about his girl trouble. Or give him advice, or swap anecdotes, compare notes or.. whatever. Rhett could do that with other guys.
But Link wasn’t other guys.
Not to Rhett.
Rhett made a noncommittal ‘hm’ sound.
“I’m real nervous to to talk like this, because.. I know we’re raised with the same values. I don’t want you to think I’m a bad person. But it’s really eating at me.”
Rhett’s heart broke a little. “I could never think you’re a bad person.”
Link huffed again. “That’s gonna really sting when I say what I have to say and you realize what a..”
“Link. Don’t. I mean it. I could never think you’re a bad person. No matter what.”
Link took a few deep breaths. Like he was trying to weigh Rhett’s assurances against his own concerns.
“We only get this one earthly life.”
“Okay?” Rhett hadn’t had a clue where Link’s head was at. But this felt.. different.
“There is so much that we’re just agreeing to not experience. I mean. Sex with one woman. I haven’t even had sex with any woman, and already I’m curious about what different women would be like.”
“I’m sure it’ll be different once you are in a relationship.”
“The One?”
Rhett shrugged again. “Why not?”
“Having some One out there that will miraculously cure me of curiosity.” Link rolled his eyes. “Sounds real romantic.”
“I dunno.. roleplay, maybe?” Rhett offered. He really wasn’t qualified to give advice. He hadn’t had sex before either. Maybe that’s why Link hadn’t gone to him for advice until Rhett pressured him into talking about it. Maybe that had been a mistake. But good lord, Link being sexually curious hadn’t been on Rhett’s bingo card for the night.
“There are so many different experiences out there.. Big boobies and small boobies. Loud and quiet. Hard bodies and soft. Shorter than me and taller than me.”
Taller than Link? The man was six feet tall.
“It just seems a shame to be put on this earth in human form for a finite amount of time.. to not indulge curiosities, collect experiences.. whatever brings joy or.. pleasure.”
“Wow. I.. had no idea you thought like this, man.”
“I knew you’d think I was a perv.”
“I don’t! It’s just.. normally it’s me with the impulsive fear of missing out.”
“It’s not impulse. I’ve thought about it a lot.”
“Okay, well.” Against his better judgement, expertise, and interest - Rhett was giving Link relationship advice. “It’s about compatibility, right? If you feel like you’re sexually.. adventurous. Just make sure you find yourself a likeminded partner—”
“What if there are experiences she can’t give me?”
Rhett’s stomach sank. It felt like they were on the precipice of.. something.
“What exactly are you curious about?”
Link said something so quiet that Rhett had to ask him to repeat himself.
“Don’t hate me..”
“I.. I don’t think I’m wired for that, Link. I physiologically can’t.”
“I would like to know what it’s like.. with a guy.”
Time stood still. Rhett was sure his brain was mistranslating. Or maybe it was a cruel dream, and he’d wake up to a world where Link wasn’t pouting over the thought of never being with a man.
Play it cool.
Play it cool.
Play it cool.
“I would be careful,” Rhett said slowly. “If you’re considering indulging this.. curiosity. A lot of people.. might not understand.”
Link frowned. “I mean.. How could I even do that? I don’t wanna use somebody, just because I’m curious. That’s part of the problem: I’m conditioned to feel like if I’m not gonna marry them and take care of their emotions the rest of their life - that it’s some sort of transgression to entertain the thought of.. getting physical with someone.”
“How do you feel about.. masturbation?”
“I’m..” Link’s face flushed even deeper. “I’m pro masturbation?”
“You’re a pro, huh?” Rhett teased.
“No, man! I meant that I’m, you know, for it!”
“Well, that’s kind of like.. giving a guy a hand job.”
“That’s definitely not the same! Besides, there’s a lot of stuff I can’t do to myself..”
“Wait wait wait.. I’m talking about the, uh, emotional care you mentioned. Do you feel responsible to yourself once you’ve, gotten curious with yourself.”
“Well, no. I mean, yes. But I’m already responsible for myself. And I try my best to love myself, and I have a lot of interest in making sure that my needs are met and what not. I don’t feel used or anything, just because I wanted my dick in my hand. That’s.. that’s ridiculous!”
Rhett prepared himself for the leap that he was about to take. If Link didn’t leap with him, Rhett wasn’t sure if they’d ever recover.
“Why don’t you ever say hi to me?”
Link closed his eyes and shook his head. “I.. What?”
“When we see each other around campus. Or meet in the cafeteria. You never.. greet me. Even back home, back in high school. Do you ever recall saying hello or asking me how it’s going?”
“That feels like a strange thing to notice..”
“It feels like a strange thing to omit,” Rhett countered.
“Do you.. want me to start?”
“No, actually. I really don’t. I like that we don’t exchange formalities like that. It’s a skippable step between us, because.. it would feel weird wouldn’t it? Breaking our stride to greet each other when..”
“—when it feels like there’s.. continuity between us?”
Rhett nodded. “It would be weird, right?”
Link mirrored Rhett’s nodding. “It’s a little weird that it’s weird, though. Isn’t it?”
“Maybe.”
“But it would feel like.. like waking up in the morning and greeting myself.”
“Yeah, man.” Rhett hoped that his steering wasn’t as hamfisted as it felt, but he knew he also could afford to be too subtle. Link needed to see the connection he was trying to make. He needed Link to feel welcome to make the connection. “It’s not rude to not say hello to yourself; it’s perfectly natural to move throughout your day without doing so. And you can do that with me, too. Like you said, there’s continuity between us.”
Link’s jaw fell slightly open as Rhett continued.
“And it’s not creepy or inappropriate to touch yourself; it’s perfectly natural to do so..” Rhett took a breath, knowing there was already too much momentum for him to pump the brakes now, even if he’d wanted to. “You can do that with me, too..”
“..because of the continuity?”
Rhett nodded. “You already look out for me and are invested in my well being and all that. We already care about each other, and there would be no question about anyone feeling used. We’re already best friends. If you want a safe person to try something with. I mean. You can trust me, and I can trust you. Just as easily as you trust yourself when you.. jerk off or whatever? It’s not weird, it just feels good, right?”
Link didn’t say anything, and Rhett was on the verge of panicking.
“Are you sure it’s the same thing? It won’t change anything between us?”
“Are you worried I’m gonna wanna date or something?”
“No,” Link said quickly. “I’m afraid you’ll regret this line of thought, and we won’t be friends anymore.”
“Do you worry about that when you get yourself off?”
Link snorted. “No, that’s ridiculous, man. I’m stuck with me. No matter what.”
“Same applies to me,” Rhett reasoned.
Rhett noticed his breathing had deepened. And he was glad he had some folders resting over his lap, as just talking about this was making him hard. Then, again, Link was looking a little flush himself, and he kept.. licking his lips. Like he was thinking about what to do with them next.
Finally, Link spoke the three little words Rhett had been hoping to hear.
“Lock the door.”
Rhett stood up, hoping his legs weren’t visibly trembling as he strode across their dorm room to lock the door.
He then turned to face Link, looking familiar as ever, and yet.. Already something had changed between them. Rhett had assured Link that if they explored this.. curiosity, things would not change between them. They hadn’t explored anything at all yet, and already Rhett felt himself seeing Link through new eyes.
Eyes that saw possibility where before had been closed doors. Locking the door, and opened.. he wasn’t sure what. But something else.
This doesn’t mean anything, Rhett reminded himself, trying to manage his expectations.
He just wants to experiment, and you told him you were safe. Be freakin safe, man! Don’t be weird.
“What happens now?” Link asked.
“Why are you asking me? You said you were curious. What were you curious about exactly?”
Link was doing that lip licking thing again.
“It is still weird saying it out loud.”
“If we can’t talk about it, are you sure you actually want to.. do any of it? I mean, I know I made that whole.. masturbation argument. But, I also know there’s such a thing as a fantasy, and that they shouldn’t always necessarily translate into reality.”
“Getting cold feet?” Link chuckled.
“Me? No! I just want to make sure.. that you’re sure.”
Link’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Why do you sound like you somehow tricked me into this?”
“It does kind of feel like I was maybe trying to convince you.”
“Wow. You think you’re that persuasive? That you could actually convince me to suck dick without it being something I actually wanted to try?”
Rhett’s jaw fell open. “Is that.. is that what you wanted to try?”
Link nodded. “Just don’t jizz in my mouth, okay?”
“You think you’re that good?”
“I don’t know. But if I am, I just want you to be careful. I can see you’re already hard, and I ain’t even got my mouth on ya. I don’t want you to bust unexpectedly.”
Rhett couldn’t believe this was reality. That they were having this discussion.
Rhett took a steadying breath. Then he met Link’s wide, anxious eyes. “I’m not going to do anything unexpected, or anything.. anything that would make you feel like I’m not the person that you thought I was when you trusted me with this. Now, how should we..?”
“Um. Maybe sit down on your bunk.”
Rhett sat.
“You're gonna have to shimmy your shorts down, Rhett.”
“I know. I just didn’t know when you wanted me to—”
“It’s okay. You don’t need to get defensive.”
Rhett had to stop himself from defensively declaring that he was not being defensive. It was easy to get out of his own head as he focused on Link.
Link sinking to his knees in front of him, like a dream, or like a masturbatory fantasy. Link tugged Rhett’s basketball shorts down and Rhett watched Link subtly gasp as his cock sprang free. Rhett was self conscious and peripherally.. aware of how stupid it must look. Just kind of bobbing there expectantly. Why were dicks so freakin embarrassing. Then again, Link had a stupid dick, too. So.. he probably understood?
Rhett quietly gasped as Link’s hand wrapped around his cock to hold it still, and when Link began to bring his mouth close to it Rhett realized he wasn’t breathing at all.
He quietly began to panic that maybe Link was right to worry about him unintentionally blowing his load.
Focus, McLaughlin. You’ve got one job. Just.. keep it together.
Rhett exhaled slowly. He watched Link’s lips tentatively come closer and closer.
“Should I just..?” Link whispered, barely audible.
“It’s your experience,” Rhett assured him. “Do whatever.” Rhett stopped short of saying what he really meant: that Link could literally do whatever he wanted with Rhett right now and Rhett wouldn’t stop him.
A whimper escaped Rhett’s nervous lips as he watched Link’s tongue connect with the head of his cock.
Link pulled back. “Sorry..”
“What?” Oh gosh, Link regrets this already. How weird is this going to be going forward.
“I.. you made a sound. And I thought maybe I didn’t do something right. I don’t really know what I’m doing. You’d think it’d be as easy as doing what I like. But. Not like I have piles of experience with that either.”
“It was a good sound.”
“Oh.. Good.”
“You won’t have to guess. I’ll tell you if I don’t like something. So you don’t have to be in your head about it. But I’m mostly just going to let you.. explore? I mean, you must have thought about this a lot. I mean, not necessarily with me specifically. But doing this.”
Link nodded, fully flushed with embarrassment.
Rhett continued, “And when you think about it, it’s really.. hot? And exciting for you?”
Link nodded again.
“So do those things. Do what you’ve fantasized about enjoying about this. If you’re into it, there’s a really good chance I will be, too?”
“Okay, so don’t overthink it,” Link reasoned. “That makes sense.”
“And don’t worry about.. the end. I’m not gonna—”
“I know.” Link took a breath. “Okay, okay. I don’t even know how you’re still hard with as terrible as I’ve been about this.”
Because the boy I’ve been obsessed with my whole life is threatening to suck my cock. Because your tongue has already touched me.
But all Rhett said was, “It’s fine. Just.. do what you think about when you think about doing this.”
“Lean back just a little,” Link said softly. And Rhett put his hands behind him, but still watching Link intently.
Link took Rhett in his hand, running his hand up and down his length. Experimentally giving him gentle squeezes. He lowered gorgeous, full lips to wrap them around Rhett’s flush swollen head.
Fireworks were already going off in the back of Rhett’s mind, but he tried not to react too severely. He didn’t want to scare Link off again, and truly the last thing he wanted was for Link’s lips to leave his dick again.
“That’s good..” Rhett muttered evenly. Not wanting Link to be still questioning his method.
Link’s tongue moved lightly around the ridge of Rhett’s head, and then sank to the base to lick a slow, wet stripe up his shaft before hungrily swallowing Rhett’s tip again.
Rhett’s thighs were beginning to quiver.
Link straightened up onto his knees, like he was looking for some leverage. He steadied Rhett’s dick with one hand at the base, his thumb rhythmically massaging and circling. His lips began to sink further down Rhett’s shaft.
A trembling sigh fell from Rhett’s lips, which Rhett quickly clarified with a breathy comment. “Good. That’s good.”
Rhett held his breath as he slowly slid farther into Link’s mouth. His movement became smoother as Link bobbed his head a little, spreading some of his spit along his length.
Link alternated licking at Rhett’s sensitive tip until Rhett’s head went all fuzzy, and then taking him down - a little deeper each time, his efforts making Rhett’s mouth fall open in silent O’s.
Link was becoming a little less silent. Making his own humming and whimpering sounds, which Rhett found.. more than a little hot.
Rhett was trying not to distract or startle Link, holding back from grabbing, bucking, or making any sounds. He sometimes would fleetingly realize that he was making himself almost like.. an inanimate sex toy for Link to experiment with. Which, was a little embarrassing. But he quickly dismissed that thought, in favor of the reality of Link.. maybe trying to deepthroat him?
Never, outside his imagination, did Rhett think this could happen. Yeah, he was willing to be a toy if this could be reality.
Link sank down, taking Rhett down the farthest he had so far. Rhett could feel how Link’s saliva had pooled at the base of his cock. Suddenly he heard a wet gurgling sound and Link pulled off quickly, coughing and gasping for air.
“I’m sorry!” Rhett immediately told him.
Link’s eyes were watering, but they were also wild and dark. “That’s.. part of it,” Link told Rhett. “Part of what I think about when thinking about this.”
Oh. My. God.
“Oh.. okay,” Rhett said, trying to act like that wasn’t the sexiest thing he’d ever heard.
“Too much?” Link worried.
“Hell no!”
They both stared at each other for a moment. Rhett’s chest and shoulders were heaving as he was trying to control his breathing.
Link panting, with strands of spit.. and maybe even some of Rhett’s pre-cum, dangling from his perfect pink lips.
“You’ve thought about this, too,” Link said. It wasn’t a question. “Like, before today.”
Rhett thought it would be silly to deny it. So he just shrugged.
“What do you think about when you think about it?”
Rhett’s hand slowly, gently found its way to cup Link’s face. His thumb brushed against Link’s shiny lips. Link took his thumb into his mouth, his tongue swirling around it.
Rhett pulsed his thumb inside Link’s mouth before removing it and dragging his large head to pet Link’s dark mop of hair.
Link’s eyes were locked with Rhett’s, and Link gave a slight nod. Link positioned himself over Rhett’s cock again. He moved his face with shallow strokes of his mouth, and then reached up to put his hand over Rhett’s hand on the back of his head. Urging Rhett to go ahead and push down on him.
“You’re sure this is okay?” Rhett said with a now noticeably shaky voice.
Link nodded enthusiastically, unable to talk much with his mouth full.
Rhett began to move his hips up a little to meet Link’s strokes.
This.. Rhett quietly realized, is fucking. He had never fucked anything other than his own fist. This was miles beyond that.
He carefully shifted his hips with Link’s movements, and then he experimentally pushed down on Link’s head. Bringing Link’s face to meet his thrusts. Watching how Link enthusiastically swallowed his cock, savoring the wet sounds of Link’s mouth sucking on him, and the obscene gagging and moaning.. Rhett didn’t know how much longer he could last. But he wasn’t ready for this to be over.
Link put his hand over Rhett’s again, encouraging him to make a fist around his hair as he tugged his head up and down.
“You want me to pull your hair?”
Link just moaned in a response that.. seemed affirmative, humming around Rhett’s cock.
“Tap my leg if I should stop.”
Link grunted again.
Rhett grabbed Link’s hair and tugged a little bit as he largely let Link take the lead. He thrust his hips a little more now, knowing that Link liked feeling him knock against the back of his throat. Each time, Link would make a complex sound that was a gag and a moan. Link’s nostrils would flare, trying to suck up enough air that he wouldn’t have to stop what he was doing to breathe.
It took Rhett a while to realize that part of Link’s shaky shoulders weren’t just from trying to catch his breath. One of Link’s hands was wrapped around Rhett’s cock - holding him in place. The other seemed to be on Link’s own cock, furiously jerking himself off to Rhett fucking his face.
Sure enough, Rhett could feel Link shudder, and moan around his cock, the moaning of Link’s orgasm sent vibrations through Rhett. And the noises.. oh, god, the noises.
Rhett had to pull Link off of him, before he broke his promise not to jizz in his mouth.
“I’m close,” Rhett whined.
“I wanna see.”
Link’s hand was a blur over Rhett’s cock, quickly and lightly stroking his oversensitized cock until he erupted in spurts of cum that Rhett normally would have cleanly caught in his fist. But now.. landed haphazardly on his trembling belly.
“Holy shit..” Link gasped as he tried to catch his breath. As he subtly tried to compose himself.
“It’s weird, right?” Rhett said as he watched Link.
“I’m sorry..”
“No, not you.. or us. Just. Sex. It’s weird. Even if it’s just me by myself. All the stuff that I was thinking and doing that seemed to be peak sexiness, suddenly becomes weird and.. uncomfortable once I’ve.. y’know?”
“Guess that’s the guilt and shame. Came free with our upbringing.”
Rhett snorted. It felt good to laugh. “I like laughing with you after. And I like being able to talk to you about the.. awkwardness.”
Link smiled a little. “It’s the trust, right?”
“I still trust you. Maybe even more.”
“I’ll get you a towel.” Link’s eyes rested on the mess on Link’s belly.
Rhett wondered what he felt when he saw it. Was there any of that lingering shame and guilt? Or was it still curiosity, lust.. maybe even pride. He should feel that.
Rhett heard water running in their bathroom, and Link emerged in a new pair of pajama pants, handing Rhett a warm damp washcloth, and set a dry one at his side.
“Thanks. And, um, thanks.”
Link blushed. “My pleasure, literally. Thanks for.. I dunno. Indulging me?”
Was that what had happened here?
Rhett patted his stomach and crotch area dry, and shimmied his basketball shorts back on.
“Sit next to me?” Rhett offered, patting the mattress next to him. Tired of watching Link look uncomfortable in his own dorm room.
Link sat.
“So now you know.”
“Know what? That I’m—?”
“That you’re, like, really, really good at that.”
Link didn’t seem to know what to say to that, so he just turned red and tried not to giggle too much.
Rhett didn’t know if he could drop the amount of reassurance that he felt compelled to smother Link with all at once. But the last thing he wanted was for Link to feel anything.. bad about what they’d done. And he was fully aware that he might be trying to stave off any of those negative feelings in himself.
“So, I know this isn’t as much of a.. novel experience. But there could be differences between kissin’ girls and kissin’ guys.”
“Right,” Link said flatly. “I already know I’m good at kissin’.”
Rhett’s stomach sank.
“But if you just wanted to kiss me..” Link trailed off.
“That would be okay?”
Link nodded.
Rhett ducked his head and pressed his lips to Link’s.
Rhett felt like fresh air had been breathed into his lungs.
“I just wanted to do the other thing, too,” Rhett confessed.
“I don’t know if there’s anything I don’t wanna do.. with you.”
“What about just lying down here with me?”
“‘kay.”
They laid down in Rhett’s bunk, fitting better than they should have by any right. Rhett had so many new questions. But he knew now was not the time to ask them. He pressed his lips to the top of Link’s head, and felt Link nuzzle in closer. Now was the time to just lightly hold Link. And feel their breathing sink up as Link fell asleep under the weight of Rhett’s arm, using his chest as a pillow.