Work Text:
For Junkyu, a perfect time of rest does not exist.
As someone who stays up late for reasons of playing his favorite pc game to have the items within the limited time, cramming for his schoolwork due the next day that he forgot to do earlier that week, or just dealing with the recurring nightmares that he tries so hard to run away from, rest sounds like something he can never have.
He often sits in front of his desktop computer, leaning against his seat as he queues up for another game, hands reaching for the warmth his coffee mug offers. He doesn't recount how many times his tongue has been burnt by how hot it is but it brings him comfort in such cold nights.
On other unspecified nights, he lays still on his bed, mind playing tricks as the shadows on the ceiling flicker and take forms, taking the figure of the thoughts he would always try to erase. With shaky palms, he brings his blanket up in an attempt to cover his eyes, but the whispers, they linger, and he has convinced himself that it will be such an overwhelming feeling he can't ever forget. Despite watching horror movies nor reading scary stories with a straight face, inside he feels like every frightening image that flashes in his mind will make his whole body tremble in fear. Ah, screw it.
That is until Mashiho took the space beside him.
Meeting Mashiho was not exactly an accidental type of event. They're both friends of a specific person and only met once before. It'll always be a long story on how they got closer and eventually became the best friends.
When their common friend Jihoon started going out with a boyfriend, it was just Junkyu and Mashiho hanging out most of the time. Mostly it was Mashiho who pulls him out of his apartment unit, rambling about how unhealthy is it to stay within it's confinement for longer periods of time rather than having fun outside and actually breathing in fresh air. Junkyu always shakes his head, but will still let the guy to drag him wherever he wants. Cafes, street food stalls, picnic parks or arcade areas, you name it, Mashiho dragged him almost everywhere to experience the 'joy of living' or whatever he says about having fun. The nights where he can't sleep started to be lessen in frequency as he passes out from exhaustion right after arriving home.
On other times, Mashiho crashes at his unit to ask for help regarding a specific lesson he can't get over with. He finds himself preparing two mugs of hot chocolate during breaks. It's an odd feeling to have something with a vast difference from the usual, yet as he sits down, listens to Mashiho's rants about how his day went and asked how his day was, he enjoys the unusual comfort the hot chocolate gives and forgets how he had loved coffee before. Somehow, it doesn't taste strange anymore. He then picked every sachet in his care, gave them out to whoever wanted coffee and replaced his stash with random brands of chocolate drink. He dozes off at night, still confused while thinking why they only taste so good when Mashiho drinks with him.
On very special occasions that his nightmares visit him, however, it is strange that Mashiho was always within the vicinity. It was the first time he was ever seen by the other guy shaking and crying in fear. He vaguely remembers that evening, Mashiho using his computer for a research he wants to finish early. When he was awakened from the frightening faces in his dreams, he comes face to face with an angel that embraced him. The images were replaced by a serene garden, the voices that lingered were replaced by soothing whispers of "I'm here," "Calm down, I got you, Junkyu-hyung," the hands that grabbed him in the nightmares replaced by gentle palms patting his back and above all, the scary reason of why his heart was beating so fast was replaced by a blossoming feeling of adoration in his chest. He ends up dozing off again, curled up against Mashiho's figure.
It was almost a year filled with good dreams and longer periods of sleep when the day of uneasiness kicks in again, this time, Mashiho being Junkyu's reason. At first, he tried to deny everything going on. Maybe it was only because of Mashiho and how nice he seems to be, however, it is because it is Mashiho.
Mashiho with the tender touch that makes him sleepy; gentlest voice that lulls him to dreamland; kindest heart that makes everyone around him adore his entire soul, and his purest glow that warms everybody. You can't not admire someone as pretty and perfect like Mashiho, Junkyu will vouch you for that.
The time when sleepovers and meet ups were getting more frequent is also the time when he starts to notice every small detail about Mashiho. If he was to list the most noticeable yet quickly looked-over details, Junkyu will give you the lists that starts from how fluffy and soft Mashiho's hair was down to how warm he feels when hugged. (We'll save the list of what he loved the most about Mashiho for another time.)
The first time he asked for a hug was when he didn't receive a passing remark on one of his major subjects. As usual, Mashiho was standing at a convenient store near Junkyu's apartment, waiting for him to walk by. He had a problem understanding an article he needed to write a position paper for and was hoping that Junkyu can help him explain jargons that didn't register in any search engines.
The light on his eyes when he spots Junkyu was bright, however quickly turned solemn as he feels there's something going on. Needless to say, Junkyu walks up to him.
"Hi, Mashiho. Today's not really a good one for me, I failed an exam and I don't know how I can ever make up for it because it's already the last term for this semester," he starts. Mashiho nods, patting his back as he motions for him to continue.
"I know it's a bit unusual for me to ask for favors but can I please get a hug from you today? I badly need one and you're the only closest friend I can ask."
"Regardless whether it's a good or a bad day, you can always get a hug from me. I suck at giving comforting words but I hope I can cheer you up even with just hugs because that's what I'm good at," he beams at Junkyu, smaller pair of arms wrapping around his friend's waist.
Junkyu's initial thoughts were, "Don't smile at me too much, sunshine. You're already warming my feelings, I'm afraid I might get attached to this."
And getting attached it is.
One hug is followed by another, and by another, and by another again. It came to the point that hugging Mashiho was not just for comfort nor for being happy, hugging him became a part of his day that if he doesn't do it for just once, in Mashiho's words, "He'll turn to a sulky baby."
Few instances we can denote is what Junkyu calls the 'energy recharging hug', consisting of a tight embrace around a 'busy reading Mashiho'. Junkyu will rest his chin on Mashiho's shoulder, closing his eyes and letting himself drift away into slumber. He gets an even better nap when his friend casually pats his head from time to time.
The other instance is when Mashiho comes over to his apartment unit, bringing new brands of chocolate drinks to try out and sorting them on the counter. Junkyu will encircle his arms around his friend's waist and look over his shoulder, eyes barely making out any possible details about what will taste better than their favorite.
"Why are you hugging me? I need to boil water so we can have warm drinks while studying later," he always asked this with a pout. Junkyu just can't help but to coo at how cute his friend is.
"I'm hugging you because I missed hugging you, what more explanation is there?"
"Hyung, we met earlier at the campus grounds, you had your fix about warmth already, didn't you? Come on, get off now you big baby!"
Junkyu will get off with a pout but only after obtaining a few more seconds of having Mashiho in his arms.
Then he lies awake at 2 in the morning, eyes fixed on the ceiling as he wonders why he can't get Mashiho out of his mind. It has only been a few hours after he has left Junkyu's unit and now there's an even bigger space left for him. He gets up, eyes scanning his computer that has been long shut down. Mashiho said he have to take care of his eyes and he can only play for almost four hours, mostly under the strict provision of his friend. He sighs, shoulders dropping as he stands up.
He proceeds to go out of his room, switching the lights on in the living room with his gaze immediately darting down on the left side of the coffee table where a cute cat paw carpet lays abandoned. Ah, Mashiho's spot. It's like he can visualize him aiming crumpled papers at him for being too whiny about not having enough attention from Mashiho. He shakes his head.
He goes to the kitchen, thinking of whether he hid one sachet of his preferred coffee from before. Disappointed to find none, he can't help but groan in annoyance. Not until he sees the two mugs sitting untouched on the counter, a pair, cat designed. He starts chuckling, in complete disbelief. Everywhere he stares, he can see the traces of Mashiho.
The traces. That cute cat indoor slippers they bought together so Mashiho will be comfy in his unit. The spare toothbrush beside his in his bathroom. The purple blankets and pillowcases that he uses when he comes around. The extra pair of tableware completely owned by Mashiho. The kitchen seat with a soft purple cushion so Mashiho won't have his back hurt. The plants at random corners of his unit because his friend said he needs the positive air plants give so now he talks to them too like they are his friend.
The space between Junkyu's arm, empty without the figure of Mashiho.
So the next time Mashiho comes over, he musters all of his strength to ask him for a favor that he will only ask once and for all.
"Can you cuddle with me until I fall asleep? Just this once, Shiho. I really, really, really want to sleep tonight because I have a long day for our thesis tomorrow."
Mashiho looks up at him, head tilting as if studying why such sudden request was made.
"Are you hurt anywhere? Or uh, you know, troubled by something again? Whatever it is I can stay up with you, hyung. My classes start late tomorrow anyway."
Junkyu's heart almost leapt out of his chest when he hears his response. But first, their tradition. A warm mug of chocolate as they finish their tasks. Mashiho with his case studies, Junkyu with the sole activity to watch every move Mashiho make and let his mind create subtitles on random moments that look like they're from a cliche romantic movie.
He reaches to brush Mashiho's fringe aside, giggling inside at how adorable Mashiho's cheeks are.
Oh soft mounds of marshmallow cheeks. To bite or to squish? That is the question.
His friend looks up at him, puzzled at his actions but he only returns a soft smile.
Those eyes, ah, I'd do anything to have his gaze all focused on me; to have constellations glimmering in front of me.
He wipes at that residual chocolate stain at the corner of Mashiho's mouth, suppressing the urge to coo at how pretty his friend looks.
Did Mashiho just blush or are you hallucinating? Either way, he's so pretty.
"Hyung, stop distracting me already. You look cute when you're being too affectionate but your handsome face is being such a huge distraction for me," Mashiho wasn't angry. He's frustrated because out of all times Junkyu has to do this, it's in the most unromantic ambiance, yet even he can't deny that his heart flutters and there's a heat creeping on his neck up to his cheeks and ears.
Such delicate hands reaching to hold mine.
And delicate hands indeed, as Mashiho intertwined their fingers together, an attempt to make Junkyu stop touching him at the moment.
At almost 1 am, they finally head to bed. They lay down side by side, staring at the little stars and moons glowing above them. Mashiho thinks it's adorable that Junkyu even thought of putting stuff like that. Ah, Junkyu doesn't count sheep. He counts stars, the glow in the dark stickers.
How do you initiate a cuddle though? Mashiho asks himself. He swallows a lump in his throat. There's a thumping in his chest that Junkyu might notice, he's afraid. Looking at his left, he's greeted by the side profile of Junkyu, looking so tense as he was focusing on the stars.
Come on, just stare at me and kiss me already, you big baby. I don't want to do the first move of confessing or doing something else. Are my signs not enough for you to notice? Ah, Kim Junkyu, what am I going to do with you?
And as if the other heard him, Junkyu shifts to stare at him, an arm hooking around Mashiho's waist and pulling him close to him.
Close proximity. Junkyu's warmth. I'm probably getting a heart attack but he's so warm. Hug me more, hyung. Please.
Mashiho can't stop the thoughts, he feels warmth on his face and chooses to bury his face against Junkyu's chest, almost squealing at how perfect everything feels at this moment. He takes a whiff of Junkyu's scent and it's his own kind of cloud nine.
A few more moment of silence engulfs them before Junkyu breaks it, starting with a yawn.
"This will be a long monologue, but I wish that you will only give me your answer afterwards. I want to tell you everything that has been bothering me for days. I've written countless drafts in my head, practiced them in shower, however I believe that just being honest with you will be the best choice."
Junkyu takes a deep breath, his hand coming up to brush Mashiho's hair, fingers gently combing through the dark brown locks.
"For a friend, you sure took a big space of my heart and my life, Mashiho. Night after night, I dwell on asking myself why I can only feel that I am safe when I am assured you are safe, you are around me, and that I can have you in my arms."
He looks down, trying to see a reaction from Mashiho but he has his face against his chest. He heaves a sigh.
"You've filled such a huge space in this unit that it suffocates me when you're never around. The air I breathe, it has your scent. The things I do, they remind me of the way we do things together."
A smaller arm comes up, resting over Junkyu's waist as he continues to brush through Mashiho's hair.
"You're more than just the thought of warm summer breeze that makes me fall asleep, and you're even more than just the thought of a pretty face that keeps me up at night."
Shaky breaths, heavy beats of the heart.
"I finally came to the conclusion I definitely have fallen in love with you. It's not the best way to say it to you, but you are the rest my heart longed for. With you, I'm at ease that I can rest peacefully."
Eyes shutting, brain trying to shoo away the lingering whispers.
"I like you, Mashiho. I like you more than the hugs you give to me. You don't need to say anything back. And I don't want to make things awkward between us, but these are all the things that kept me up at night. I hope that when I wake up, I will still have you encaged in my arms as you rest with me."
Silence. Two hearts beating rhythmically together as a hug tightens. One starts to fall asleep after a few minutes of silence, the other forcing himself to be of the same elevation like the other to see his face more.
Junkyu didn't want to wait for anything. He has said it all out now. A heavy feeling lifted off his chest. It may not end up in the way movies do but at least...
There's a peck on Junkyu's forehead.
Followed by one on the tip of his nose.
Then velvety soft lips pressed against his own lips, quick to pull away before hands are coming up to squish his cheeks. One second, there's that feeling on his lips again.
"I know, you're having a rough time to deal with not being sleepy for a long time, and I'm glad to know that I am the comfort that makes you fall asleep, that makes you rest. You don't have to wait for anything because I'm already right here. I'll keep you warm in my arms, safe from the things that claw at you at night."
A gentle pat on the head followed by another brief kiss on his lips. Junkyu wanted to open his eyes, but his brains is telling him this is the exact moment his rest arrives, don't prevent it from happening. He's conscious, but drifting to sleep.
"All the spaces I've filled in your life and here you fill the space in my arms. Perfect for the hugs you love. You could've chosen to fill up my days with annoyance at how unorganized you are with your desk yet you've chosen to fill my heart with love and all the good stuff there is. With a bonus of good rest and a warm mug of choco."
Mashiho giggles, eyes watching over Junkyu as he caresses his cheek, letting the other walk to dreamland.
"For the record, I like you too, Junkyu. It just took you long enough to notice all the subtle signs I've tried to give. I'm not complaining though, this is just the moment I've been praying for."
Junkyu smiles softly, unable to keep his eyes awake.
"Good night, my adorable Mashiho. May you have a good rest in my arms."
A warm embrace encaged Mashiho. There's no tightness in it but his breath still hitches everytime those arms are around him. He can't help but let out a faint giggle. He leans closer, a hand patting Junkyu's cheek as he pecks the other's lips for a few times, planting feather like kisses all over his lips.
"Good night, my big baby. Rest easy with me, dream sweet. I'll see you when I wake up."
Then eyes shut close, breathing falling and rising evenly as they held each other through their sleep.
For Junkyu, a perfect time of rest does not exist.
Well not until a certain Mashiho came into his life and decided that a perfect rest only exists when you sleep with a partner.
Smooches and hugs only come as big bonuses.