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If one would ask what the really absolute worst thing that could happen in bed is, they would get a bunch of probably weird answers. Like losing a limb, someone dying, a clown fighting a raccoon breaking into the room, etc. And a few weeks ago, your answer would’ve been similar. Until the day the – in your opinion – worst thing had happened and you wished you were dying instead, because death would’ve spared you from the sheer embarrassment tormenting you after.
He had been buried balls deep in you, hands squeezing your soft skin and lips kissing along your throat, bringing both of you closer to the edge of ecstasy, when the fatal whimper left your lips.
“Fuck, Samu!”
The kissing on your throat stopped and a deep chuckle fanned over your skin, sending a shiver down your spine. “Wrong name, baby.” Atsumu’s teeth grazed over your collarbone before softly biting into it. “But ’m gonna pretend that was a ‘Tsumu’ just now.”
Your body froze when you realized what you had uttered. “Atsumu, I–”
His gaze met yours and the words got stuck in your throat. You had not expected the manifestation of smugness on his face, without even the slightest touch of hurt or anger. “’m better than that scrub. Do ya need more convincing?”
Later, after he had made his name leave your lips multiple times, when the two of you were getting dressed again and you dared to hope he had already forgotten about your mishap, he raised the subject again – much to your dismay.
“Ya wanna talk about it?”
His nonchalant tone baffled you. The two of you weren’t a couple by any means, this was merely a friends with benefits relationship, but getting angry or hurt after getting called by the wrong name in the middle of sex would be normal – even more so if it’s the name of one’s twin. So, how was Atsumu so calm? So relaxed? Not hurt in the slightest?
Shaking your head, you pulled your top over your head and walked into his kitchen. “Listen, I’m sorry. I slipped up. It was an accident and it won’t happen again.”
“I know”, Atsumu said, following you. “Because ya won’t get to experience the Miya magic again until ya confess to Samu.”
Your head flung around to where he was leaning in the doorway with his arms crossed and a still smug grin on his face. “What the hell, Atsumu? Are you blackmailing me with your dick?!”
He laughed sarcastically, clapping his hands as if you were a toddler making their first steps and Atsumu the proud parent. “Yer getting the name right! I’m so proud!”
“Miya!”
Without effort he dodged the candy bar you threw at him from the kitchen counter. “Ah, I see. Yer taking the safe route now”, he teased while walking over to you.
In all the years you had known him, there had never been a situation in which you had been afraid of Atsumu, but in that one you were. The way he walked, arms crossed and – for the first time – seriously towering over you, he was intimidating. Not because he would hit you or hurt you physically in general, but because in that moment he stood for the feelings you harbored for his twin and there was no way to escape them. Atsumu would continue this game until you had lost.
“I swear to God, Miya, I’ll kill you.” Despite your best effort to sound confident, your throat was dry and your voice trembled.
He tipped your nose, his smile losing its smugness, knowing very well it was all bark and no bite. “Don’t distract from the topic. Confess or ya ain’t getting any more Miya dick.”
You scoffed, gaping at him in disbelief. “Just because I called you–”
“’cause I can’t keep fucking the girl Samu likes, knowing his feelings ain’t unrequited”, he interrupted while searching his cupboard for his coffee beans. “’m an asshole but not on that level.”
It was one thing to sleep with the girl your twin has crush on, but it was a whole different thing to continue this, knowing both liked each other. Although he had never outright asked Osamu for his approval of their casual relationship, he had let him know he would stop it immediately, should Osamu ask him to. It didn’t matter your friends with benefits had started before Osamu caught feelings – intentionally seriously hurting his twin was something he would never forgive himself.
His suspicions you returned his brother’s feelings had risen first a few weeks ago, when he had noticed you watching Osamu across the room at a party with doe eyes, biting your lip to hide the grin pulling on the corners of your mouth. Since then, he had paid special attention to your interactions, slowly becoming aware of the hugs you gave Osamu lasting a second longer, your attention being solely on him whenever he said something and your cheeks reddening whenever he looked at you.
Still, he did nothing. Too afraid he would mess things up. Too afraid he saw it all wrong. Until you had moaned his twin’s nickname instead of his. It had been the straw to break the camel’s back. There was no way he could stand there just watching the two of you after this.
Turning around, he looked at you again. “So? Ya gonna confess?”
Furrowing your eyebrows – if out of confusion or anger was unclear even to you – and crossing your arms, you asked Atsumu for clarification, still thinking this was all a feverish dream. Because in what world would anyone talk about their crush on the twin of the person, who they just had sex with? “Let me get this straight: I confess and you’re gonna fuck me again?”
“No.”
“But you said–”
He shook his head disapprovingly, taking one of his mugs from the small rack on his kitchen counter. “Ya didn’t listen to what I said!” After pouring the beans into the coffee machine, he turned it on, hoping it would drown his voice, as he mumbled, “And here I thought women were good listeners.”
But you still heard him. “Miya!”
“I said Miya dick – I didn’t say ma dick”, he yelled over the machine with an apologetic shrug even though both of you were very well aware he wasn’t sorry in the slightest.
“Gross!” Your face twisted in disgust as you wished Atsumu would have a little less fun in talking about his or his brother’s equipment so openly.
He shrugged again while pouring the coffee into the mug. “I am, but that doesn’t change anything. Ya gonna confess now?”, he asked, holding out the mug.
The discussion was going nowhere. Atsumu would continue trying to persuade you to tell Osamu about your crush and you would continue refusing. It was a vicious cycle you had to put an end to. “No. Stop asking.”
“Ha! Ya do have feelings for him!” He grinned so proud as if he had deciphered some grand mystery, as if he had decoded the Enigma. You half-heartedly expected him to hit his chest with a fist after you accepted the coffee.
With a deep breath you gave in. “I suppose, I do.”
“I knew it!”
Oddly enough, despite the lump in your throat, you felt a weight being lifted off your chest. It was the first time you had admitted your feelings out loud. Up until this point you had never dared to talk about them to anyone – not even yourself. “I think I’ve known for a little while by now. There was this moment a bit ago when the truck of realization hit me.” A chuckle left your lips. “Just please, don’t tell him.” You took a sip, tasting the bitterness on your tongue. Instinctively, you grabbed the milk carton from the fridge. Drinking coffee black wasn’t something you did if you didn’t have to. You crossed eyes with Atsumu, who was still very much relaxed and carefree. “Don’t you feel used?”
He shrugged, even laughing a little. “Nah, ’m sensing right now is the first time ya really talk ‘bout it, so ’m not mad. And ’s payback for all the times I’ve messed with girls in high school.”
A fuzzy warmth wrapped around Atsumu’s heart as he watched you taking sips from your mug, a dreamy gleam in your eyes as your thoughts were without a doubt with Osamu. The both of you deserved happiness.
“Since when did ya know?”
Stemming your hands on the counter, you lifted your body to sit on the kitchen counter. Your gaze focused on the clouds outside Atsumu’s window as you remembered the moment you discovered the romantic feelings you harbored for Miya Osamu. “There was that evening – or rather night – maybe two months ago? The Jackals were hanging out at his restaurant after your match. And despite the ten hours shift behind him, he still had energy left to serve food and cater to everyone’s needs. The sight of all of you eating and drinking and Osamu working behind the counter, preparing more plates and throwing glances over to you – his smile was everything. Genuine happiness is something I see less and less the older I get, but this– this sincerity. I realized I like him when I thought about how I never wanted this smile of his to disappear. Watching this scene through the windows... the dim lights illuminating the room, casting the darkness out... For a second, I contemplated turning around and leaving, not disrupting the peaceful scene.”
Atsumu knew exactly what night you were talking about. Said scene had taken place about a week after the party he noticed your crush. It was baffling him, how you had noticed all this about his brother, but were too blind to notice the way Osamu’s smile had brightened even more when you had stepped foot into his restaurant, the way he always prepared your food extra carefully, the way he always filled your glass without you asking when he noticed it nearing empty.
He took a gulp from his own coffee to hide his grin. So, he knew before you. “Cute” was all he said.
After telling him not to talk about this with anyone else and neither of you touching upon the topic again, you had thought that was the end of it. Although you should’ve known better. Miya Atsumu was Miya Atsumu after all. So maybe you should’ve become suspicious when he invited you over only a few days later under the pretense of simply watching a movie. Usually, your movie nights ended with the two of you, covered in sweat and each other’s saliva, either in his bed or on the sofa. However, you naively thought nothing of it, since you were still friends, and friends just hung out from time to time.
You hadn’t heard the key in the lock, so you flinched when the front door opened and Osamu of all people entered. Great, of course it had to be the one person you wished to avoid right then.
Sure, technically you did want to see him, but given your last chat with Atsumu, you knew where this was going and that’s what you wanted to stay clear of. Still, your heart raced at the setting sun illuminating Osamu’s skin in a warm tone, making him glow. Or was it because of your rose-colored glasses?
“Hey, Samu. Would ya fuck her?”, Atsumu went like a bull at a gate, although he hadn’t been the one to walk through the door just seconds before, while pointing at you.
You threw Osamu a glare, daring him to engage in that kind of conversation with his brother, but the former paid you no mind and shrugged. “Why not?”, he answered without even greeting you or his brother.
You really should’ve questioned his motives. It probably would’ve saved you from the situation you were in now. “Atsumu!”
“’cause she thinks ya wouldn’t since I already did.”
Osamu shrugged again, still not even giving you a gaze while walking over to the kitchen counter. “She ain’t that wrong. Usually I wouldn’t, but there are exceptions to every rule. I can’t let her live forever, thinking you’re the better twin – I like her too much.”
“I already thought you were the better twin until you touched upon this conversation!”
Neither of them acknowledged your interjection, continuing a dialog one would expect in the early morning hours at a college party while everyone present had more than a couple of drinks. “If anything, ya would prove to her who the original is – hint: it ain’t ya.”
“Guys, I’m right here! And stop talking about me like this! I’m not an object!”
Grabbing a mug to pour himself some coffee, Osamu finally took notice of you. “I’m glad ya realize that. Then, do ya recognize yer self-worth and let me take ya out to show ya how real Miyas treat their girlfriends or do ya prefer continuing enduring this scrub’s mediocre performance?”
You groaned, sensing what Atsumu was about to say by the face he made. “Miya, no!”
Said twin raised his hands in defeat, though still smiling, and retreated towards his bedroom. “Fine. I'll leave the two of ya alone. But don’t fuck on my kitchen counter – I know it’s yer favorite place, angel.”
You threw your hands up in resignation. “You know what? Fuck you. Both of you. Miya Atsumu, I told you about my feelings in confidence! I trusted you! I thought you would keep your mouth shut, but no! You had to tell probably everyone the second I left. These are my feelings and they are mine to share! You had no right to tell anyone!”
“I didn’t–”
But you weren’t finished. “And Osamu, I genuinely like you. I really do. However, I have enough brain to recognize my self-worth. I’m not some sexual trophy you two can fight about. Atsumu claimed you’re in love with me like I am with you, but right now you’re acting absolutely not like it. I’m not an object the both of you can fight over to see who the ‘better’ twin is. Right now, both of you are the worse twin. Both of you are absolute assholes.” Without waiting for an answer of any of them, you turned on your heel and left the apartment, slamming the door behind you.
Down on the street, right before the apartment complex, you stopped, uncertain if you wanted Osamu to go after you or not. Your legs carried you to the wall where you sat down, head leaning back against the brick. A few pedestrians glared at you, but it went right above you.
Whether you wished for Osamu to follow you or not didn’t matter. The doors to the building opened again and a frantic Osamu rushed through, turning his head left and right looking for you with his phone to his hear. “Fuck. Tsumu. She left.”
Remaining silent you watched what he would do.
“’m not saying this is yer fault, but it sure ain’t ma alone.” He still hadn’t spotted you and hurried down the street to the left, his voice trailing off in the distance. “Ya dimwit!”
“Miya!”, you half-heartedly called after him, partly hoping he didn’t hear you.
Not even half a minute later you heard him coming back, yelling into his phone, “Shut yer trap!” He ran past you and down the street again, only to the right this time. Three buildings away, he hung up and ran a hand through his hair, before slowly trotting back to Atsumu’s apartment complex with his head hanging low like a lost puppy.
You gulped, gathering courage to call for him louder this time. “Samu!”
His head shot up and his gaze flickered around, looking for the person who had called him, and his eyes widened when he noticed you sitting on the sidewalk. “Yer still here! I thought ya left already.”
A lukewarm smiled tugged on your lips. “I guess I wanted to see if you would chase after me.”
“If ya want to be alone, I’ll leave but not before apologizing.” Sitting down beside you, he let his gaze follow a few people walking by. “’m sorry. Yer right. And I know I tend to get too competitive with Tsumu sometimes. But I really like ya and I’d like to take ya out on a date.”
Staring into the void, you nodded slowly. “You’re forgiven.”
“So...”, he started hesitantly, which was quite unusual for Osamu, causing you to prick up your ears. “Does that mean I have a chance? Or rather a second chance after I probably fucked up my first one back up there. I mean, I went after you, didn’t I? That should give me bonus points.”
Despite his attempt at lifting up the mood, you remained serious. You had forgiven him for the conversation he had with Atsumu up there, but you hadn’t forgotten about it. “I have one condition, one boundary, I’ll be very firm on. What I had with Atsumu and what I have with you are two different relationships. I don’t want you two talking about what I did with whom – especially sexual things. It’s none of your business what I did with him and it’s none of his business what I’m doing with you. And don’t compare yourself to him. I’m already stressing myself out enough with worrying about what others might think about me now that I date you.” Tentative, afraid to do something wrong, you rested your head on his shoulder and closed your eyes.
Osamu’s heart skipped a beat at your last words. “Whatever you want, baby.”
You winced.
“Did he call you that?” Biting your lip, you nodded. “Alright, it’s off the table. Angel too, I heard that earlier. I guess I’ll just wait for something to come naturally.”
Comfortable silence settled between the two of you, the noises of a bustling city filling the air – the engines of cars driving by buzzing, the heels of a woman walking by clicking on the sidewalk, the rustle of feathers as a pigeon flew off a streetlight.
“By the way, is it true?”, he asked after a while.
“What?”
You could hear the suppressed smirk in his voice. “That the kitchen counter’s yer favorite place to–”
“Samu...”, you warned him, your eyebrows furrowed with your eyes still closed.
Despite your serious annoyance, he grinned, because in that moment, Miya Osamu knew he outclassed his brother. Because despite his shameless question, you had called him ‘Samu’. Not ‘Osamu’, not ‘Miya’ and not ‘Miya Osamu’. Just ‘Samu’.