Chapter Text
July 9, 1996
Elisa’s Apartment
New York, NY
Elisa stuffed her hands in her pockets as he stood for one, final moment on the ledge. A single, last chance. She could call him back right now, she knew. Could reach out for him, and he would stay.
But this was New York, not Shambhala. And even that hadn’t been right.
She stood her ground, face wet for the light patter of rain, and he leapt. The heavy beat of his wings took him away into the night. A slow breath wheezed out of her, like a balloon deflating. Below, on the street, cars whizzed past, horns honked, and New Yorkers complained about the rain.
No doubting it, she was home. Back to reality.
Cagney merped at her, annoyed at the water getting into the apartment, the old man cat that he was. “Alright, alright, I’m coming inside,” she muttered at him. He sauntered away, tail held high, and Elisa took stock of her apartment. It was clean, but when she opened the fridge she found it empty. Well, better empty than full of rotten food. At least she didn’t have to throw that out.
Then she turned and found a Post-It on the kitchen counter.
Elisa, call me when you get home. Love, Mom.
And that explained why her place was clean. The boys, or Broadway, might’ve thought to rescue Cagney and empty out her fridge, but they probably wouldn’t have thought to dust. Elisa eyed the phone, knowing she really should call. Tell her family she was home safe and sound, no more questing or magic islands. Or pockets of paradise that had turned into her own personal hell of seeing what she could never—no. She was here back in Manhattan for good.
Only, Mom would want to ask questions. Questions Elisa didn’t want to answer.
She braced her hands on the countertop, a ragged ache spreading out from her chest. Her breathing wasn’t much better. A single, heavy sob tried to work it’s way up out of her, but she scrubbed a hand hard over her face, angry to find it wet.
“Come on, Maza, get it together,” she told herself. She closed her eyes and controlled her breathing, forcing it to be deep and even. The ache was still there, but it was something she could put walls around. Walls that wouldn’t burst and break.
Eventually, she knew, the pain would go away, but for now. For now, they both needed some distance. Because they were back in reality, back to cold, hard facts that neither of them could change. And didn’t want to change.
They were what they were. Not enough feeling in the world could overcome that.
And that was where things would have to stand.
July 10, 1996
23rd Precinct
New York, NY
“Maza, glad to have you back,” Captain Chavez said. The pile of paperwork on her captain’s desk was higher than when Elisa had left. She didn’t like to think how much had gone on while she’d been away.
Away.
“Good to be back, Captain,” she said, but her brain still couldn't quite get a handle on being back in New York.
Away.
Hell of a way to think about a freaking magical quest where she’d been sent all over the world and had spent unfettered time in Goliath’s company. No work, no patrols, just them, with Angela and Bronx, a world unto themselves. There had been a small window of time, so small, where she’d thought maybe. When her arm had looped through his without a second thought.
Some part of her still expected to be hopping onto the skiff and hitting Avalon’s sandy beach once more.
Chavez raised one eyebrow, but didn’t say what Elisa could hear her thinking. They both knew how much trouble Elisa had put everyone else through. Vacation time was one thing, but unexpectedly being gone for months was another.
“Bluestone will be glad to have you back.” Captain Chavez signed another paper and put it in her outbox. “But I’m going to have to make him wait a little bit longer for you.”
Elisa rocked back on her heels and carefully kept her mouth shut. She knew better than to push Chavez when she was in head-down mode. A few more papers made it into the outbox before Chavez pushed her chair back and leveled a long, hard look at Elisa. “In ordinary circumstances, I would bust you down so hard your head would spin, but lucky for you, we’re in the middle of a turf war and both sides have checked out all our people.” The captain breathed out sharply through her nose and clicked her pen on the desk. “All our people except you. Because you were gone for the past six months, and as far as they know, you aren’t back yet. We’re going to keep it that way.”
“I’m going undercover again.” Elisa kept her voice even, and wasn’t sure if she should be grateful for the assignment or angry about it. What she needed was normal, and going undercover was pretty far from it. Especially since the last time she went undercover had seen her walking a line with Goliath that, well, she should’ve known better. But on the other hand, it gave her something to do. And a reason to not be around.
Chavez smiled thinly at her.
“You got a file for me?” Elisa asked. Chavez slapped several in her hand. She caught a few names. Dracon, Glasses, the usual suspects, but there was one that made her eyebrows raise up in surprise. Brod.
“You recognize the name, Detective?”
“What, uh, um. Saw him on the news when I was, uh, in Prague.”
“A real world tour, huh? Well, hope you’re ready to get your feet back on the ground, Maza. You pull this off, and I might be willing to talk about your career again.”
Elisa bit the inside of her cheek. That was what she’d wanted, wasn’t it? Back on track, back in reality. Sergeant to Lieutenant to Captain. Maybe even higher. Even Dad hadn’t made it past detective, not in his day, but the days were changing and she could be part of that.
It was what she’d always wanted.
“I’ll bring them in, ma’am,” was what she said. Then Chavez pointed at the door with her pen, and Elisa got the hell out of dodge. The captain knew Elisa wasn’t telling her everything, and Elisa knew she knew. One day, she might have to tell Chavez the whole story. The whole real story, but for now the captain was letting the vacation fiction stand.
It was less paperwork.
Elisa let out a relieved breath as she shut the door behind her. The familiar sounds of a working precinct, her precinct, surrounded her like a familiar blanket. The chitchat and the backtalk, the slam of the drunk tank door, and the holding cell, the rustle of paper and the clack of keys. A few people raised a coffee mug in her direction when they saw her, too busy to welcome her back.
But then, she’d become a bit of a ghost around here, hadn’t she? More reason why she was perfect for going undercover. Because it used to be no sooner had she set foot in the building then she’d find her way up to the clocktower. All it would take was turning the corner, making sure no one was looking right at her, and opening the door.
It was nearly sunset. She could go.
Elisa stuffed her hands in her pockets and headed for the front door. She owed Matt the whole story anyway.
July 11, 1996
City Streets
New York, NY
“Glad Chavez made me your handler.” Matt grinned at her from the passenger seat of her car. They were steering clear of their usual route, and all the places Dracon and Brod’s men were known to frequent. But there was no part of New York she didn’t know how to get around. Had learned to drive on these unforgiving streets. Then Matt’s grin turned sharp. “I was getting pretty tired of taking the subway.”
“Yeah, I can see how that was rough for you. This is a pretty sweet ride,” she said, a grin tugging at the corner of her mouth. It was good to be back on the streets of New York, driving around Manhattan after dark. With the windows rolled down, the balmy summer air wasn’t quite so bad, and that way she saved on AC. Summer in New York, always a special time when the humidity made even steel sticky.
It was familiar. Normal. What little normal she would have before diving undercover again.
“Met your dad, by the way. I thought I’d go around and make sure the car was okay for you, but I found him changing the oil.”
Elisa cast a quick glance at her partner out the corner of her eye. Matt was the same as ever, though he didn’t wear his coat in the summer. Shirtsleeves rolled up and tie tugged halfway out of it’s knot, she could almost forget he was a former Fed. But Matt, Matt always knew when there was something to dig for. She forced her fingers to stop death-gripping the wheel.
“Glad you got to meet him,” she said, trying not to sound guarded. “Hope you got a couple of good stories out of him.”
“I got one.”
Elisa’s stomach sank like lead. She kept her eyes fixed on the road and tried to absorb the feel of the city as she drove under its lights.
“What happened, Elisa?” Matt’s voice was soft, almost gentle. Brotherly. Not that she and Derek had been the kind of siblings to confide in each other, but with Matt. She could almost imagine what it was like having a brother who would listen to her. Really listen.
Red light. She popped the clutch into neutral and debated balancing on the clutch and the gas, just because she could. Then she thought better of it and kept her foot on the break.
“A lot happened, Matt. Some of it, I’m still trying to figure out. There wasn’t. There wasn’t a lot of downtime, between hopping to all those places.” Not a lot. But enough, here and there. To try to talk, to try something. Time enough to realize that no matter how much she might want something, wanting wasn’t the same as making it work in reality. The light turned green. Popping the clutch into first, she took off.
She was what she was.
“Alright, but you know.” She didn’t see him reach out, but Matt’s hand on her shoulder was a comfort. “I’m here, right? I got your back, and that means through anything.”
If she was another kind of person, Elisa might’ve cried, then and there, in the middle of driving down Lennox as it became Malcolm X. As it was, she shot him a tight grin. “Thanks, Matt, and I appreciate it.” Then she cleared her throat, and didn’t bother trying to be subtle. “But what about you? Get up to anything interesting while I was gone? Any hot dates?”
Matt rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I got guys around the block for an ex-Fed, current-NYPD conspiracy nut. Half of them think I’m crazy, the other half think I’m going to bust them.”
“Well, since both of us are single, we might as well go over a few ideas about this new undercover gig, partner.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Matt said lightly, “partner.”
July 12, 1996
Elisa’s Apartment
New York, NY
Elisa turned her key in the lock, her phone’s ringing audible through the door. “Gimme a second,” she muttered, trying to balance groceries and keys through the door. Cagney didn’t help matters by winding around her feet the second she was inside.
The phone was still ringing, and it was getting on her nerves.
“Come on, Cagney, help me out here?” Cagney meowed in response and jumped up on the counter when she set down the paper bag. He didn’t waste any time sticking his head in it.
The phone rang again, and Elisa reached for it, only a little breathless. “Hello?”
“Elisa? Finally!” She closed her eyes and tried not to sigh.
“Hey, Dad.” She cradled the phone in the crook of her shoulder and began to unpack her groceries. Not like she had anything else to do right now. Her return as Sally to New York’s underworld wasn’t scheduled until tomorrow, and she really needed groceries. “Sorry, I didn’t know you’ve been trying to reach me. I still need to get a new voicemail tape.”
“Right,” he said, and she knew he didn’t buy that excuse for a hot second. But there was something else her dad was after, or he would’ve pressed it. “Look, I know I’m not supposed to know that you’re back, but I’m pretty sure Maria didn’t think she was telling me new news. Had to learn from your captain that you were going back undercover.”
“Thought we talked about you checking up on me, a while back.” She didn’t put any rancor in her tone. It was easier to talk about this than anything else.
“Hm, we did, and maybe if you weren’t on a mystical world-spanning quest, I would’ve respected that boundary,” he said dryly. Elisa covered the receiver and winced. Even after everything in Arizona, Dad was still Dad.
“Look, Dad,” she said as she put the milk away and avoided Cagney’s attempts to trip her. “I get it, and that’s on me. I’ve been kind of. It’s a lot to get used to, being back, and then with going right into undercover work. I needed to take a little time.”
There was silence on the line for a good three seconds. Elisa took the chance to put the cat food up where Cagney couldn’t get into it. At least, he hadn’t managed it thus far.
“I suppose I can understand that.” There was a deepness to her dad’s voice that Elisa couldn’t remember hearing much. Dad could be stubborn and hot headed—she came by some things honestly. But when Dad got quiet, that was when her ears perked up. Then he cleared his throat, and his voice was back to sounding like normal. “Just do me a favor and call your mother, alright?”
Elisa closed her eyes and swallowed a sigh. Mom wanting to talk had never really gone well. At least, not until they’d met in Nigeria. Not until Mom had finally met Goliath and one of the very good reasons she’d built up over the past two years had simply vanished. “Yeah, okay, Dad. I’ll call back tonight?”
“She’d like that.” Elisa could hear the smile in her dad’s voice. The smile he always had when he talked about Mom. Elisa thought about what it would be like, to have someone who smiled whenever he talked about her. Someone she could keep. “Thanks, Elisa, you’re doing your old man a good turn. I owe you one.”
“I’ll hold you to that, Dad,” she said, trying to go for the joke. But Peter Maza wouldn’t be fooled. He’d know there was no smile in his daughter’s voice.
“Well. You take care, Elisa. Glad you’re home safe. Love you. Have a good night.”
“You, too, Dad. Love you, too.”
Then the line went dead. Dad had hung up. Elisa put the phone back in its cradle and contemplated the groceries she still had to put away. It wasn’t much, just enough to get her through the next few days, but suddenly she couldn’t stand to be in her apartment. She had to get out.
“Sorry, little guy,” she said, scratching Cagney’s head before opening up a can of food for him. “I’ll bring you back something, I promise.”
Cagney’s merp was partly annoyed, but he had fresh food, so he didn’t seem to hold it against her. Once she had all her other groceries put away, Elisa twirled her keys on one finger and left. At least on the street level, she was too busy weaving in and out of the press of people and not getting hit by cars that she didn’t feel tempted to look up. To look up and think about how long it was until sunset, and how there was somewhere else she wanted to be.
Pizza secured, Elisa lounged on her couch idly flipping through the channels. Never had paid for cable, and basic TV was a bit of a joke. Still, she needed to fill up the quiet and kill time until she knew Mom would be back from work. Cagney curled up next to her, and she leaned her head back against the couch.
Outside, the sun was finally going down. Through the window she watched as long orange and yellow fingers of sunlight clawed across the sky. She’d used to love summer. Long days, warm weather, ice cream. But since she’d first gone to the Eyrie Building, summer’s hadn’t really been the same.
Short nights. Not much time between dusk and dawn, not much time at all to be part of a whole different world.
But this was what she’d wanted, wasn’t it? Normal. Not that going undercover was normal.
“Get out of your own head, Maza,” she scolded herself. Cagney mirrped questioningly, but didn’t complain when she kept petting him.
Mom was probably home by now, and it surprised her how much she wanted to call her mom. But then, it would be better talking to mom than sitting in her own apartment by herself, only banal TV for company.
She punched in the number she knew by heart, and thought how it hadn’t always been like this. Being alone hadn’t bothered her before, and even when she’d had a boyfriend, she’d soaked up her alone time. The phone rang, and she thought about how she’d never even so much as thought to move in with anyone. Had always kept her own place, apart, separate. That probably said something—
“Hello? Maza residence, Diane speaking.” Elisa’s face screwed up at the sound of her mother’s voice. Damn it, she really shouldn’t be like this, but all she wanted to do was cry to her mom right then. Hadn’t even cried over teenage boyfriends with her mother, and now. Now.
“Mom,” she said, voice small and childish to her own ears.
“Elisa, honey, oh, oh honey, I’m so glad you’re home safe. Your dad said you were, but it’s so good to hear your voice, sweetheart.” The relief in Mom’s voice was clear, and Elisa could picture her sitting down slowly in one of the bar stools in the kitchen.
It took her a second to work out the tightness in her throat, and Elisa could hear her dad clattering with dishes in the background. “Yeah, I’m sorry about not calling sooner, Mom, I just. I don’t know if Dad told you, but it’s been more than I expected, being back. Was taking some time.”
“Of course.” There was a muffled noise, but Elisa heard her mom clearly. “Peter, I’m going to take this in the office. Hang up when I’m on, will you?”
Elisa listened to the exchange, and then the click of the second phone being picked up. “You there, Diane?” her dad asked.
“I’m here, thank you, love,” Mom said, and Elisa could hear the smile in her mom’s voice. She blinked hard, not jealous of what her parents had. She was not. The kitchen phone clicked. “There, that’s better. It was hard to hear you over the sound of your father cleaning up.”
“Yeah, but lucky you, you got a man who cleans up.”
“Shouldn’t be lucky, but I am grateful that your father never believed in the notion of housework being women’s work. Like I always told you and your sister—”
“—your partner should respect you, and part of respect is never telling you what your place is. Yeah, I remember.”
This was not how she wanted the conversation with her mother to go. It was getting way too close to things she was trying to avoid thinking about. Mom knew she was okay now, and that was all she had to do. She could say goodbye, hang up, go back to her pizza and mediocre TV. Instead, she let the silence run up and down the line, not sure what she could even say.
“Elisa, you know, after Nigeria, well. I am grateful you told me as much as you did, and I don’t want to pry. I don’t want to do that to you, but you know you can talk to me. About anything. Your dad, he has his concerns, but all I want, all I’ve ever wanted, is for you to be happy.”
She could see the door that Mom was holding open. Just holding it open, not trying to shove her through it like she used to. It was almost a relief, to know that she could see the invitation for what it was and walk away from it. And knowing she could walk away, she said, “Not yet, Mom. Just. Not yet.”
“That’s alright, honey,” Mom said, and Elisa knew she meant it. Really, really meant it. “I’ll be here, if that changes.”
Elisa closed her eyes and leaned heavily on the kitchen counter. The phone pressed into the side of her face, like she could press her face against her mom, like she had never done when she’d been little. She wanted to do it now. To have someone, anyone, tell her she’d made the right choice, done the right thing.
Except, no one could.
“Thanks, Mom,” she sighed into the receiver. “I love you.”
“Love you, too, sweetheart. You’ll come by when you can for dinner, right?”
The corner of Elisa’s mouth curved up. “I will, Mom, promise.”
They said goodbye and when her mom hung up, Elisa looked around at her empty apartment to the tune of a phone signal and banal TV news. Except, her eyes wouldn’t focus on the beat-up old couch or the dining table set up only for her, instead they tracked out to the window where full dark had fallen.
Elisa hung up the phone and stuffed the rest of the pizza in her fridge.
She should get some sleep. Tomorrow would be a long day.