Work Text:
“Richard, I’m here!” Raven called out as she exited her portal, entering his living room.
“We’re in the bathroom!” he yelled in response.
“We? Bathroom?” Raven frowned. Richard wouldn’t cheat on her and then have the audacity to invite her over. Something else had to be going on. Raven swallowed her confusion as she made her way to his bathroom. The sight that greeted her upon entering the bathroom was very unexpected. After a split second of confusion, a small smile appeared on her face. “Well,” she folded her arms and leaned against the doorframe, “when you said you’d found the perfect female crime-fighting partner, she wasn’t what I expected.”
Richard looked up with a smile. He was currently kneeling over his bathtub, elbows deep in bathwater. The female in question had one paw braced on the side of the bathtub and was showering Richard’s face with kisses. “Don’t tell me you were jealous?” he laughed as he accepted the doggy kisses.
“Please,” Raven blushed. Then, taking off her shoes and cloak, she joined him on the floor and began petting their newest team member. “What’s her name?” Raven asked, scratching the adorable pup behind her ears.
“Well,” Richard resumed cleaning the gray dog, “by day, she’ll go by Haley.”
“And by night?”
“I was thinking ‘Bitewing,’” he finished with a laugh.
Raven shook her head, her love for the man beside her only growing. “You are such a dork,” she replied. Raven began to scratch the lovable puppy all over, but she froze when she reached a particular side. “What happened?” Raven looked up at Richard with a frown.
“I don’t know,” he began rinsing Haley. “A bunch of idiotic kids was cornering her. They had rocks and sticks in their hands. I don’t even want to guess what they were about to do.” Raven placed a comforting hand on Richard’s shoulder as she felt his anger rise. He gave her a kind smile before continuing. “I scared them straight,” he stated proudly. “But I couldn’t leave this little girl to the streets.” Richard lowered his face to Haley and began talking baby-talk to the dog. “I couldn’t do, could I?” he cooed. “No, I couldn’t. You good girl. You are such a good girl.”
“Would you two like a minute alone?” Raven joked.
“Hush,” Richard bumped her playfully. “That’s how you’re supposed to talk to dogs.”
“You mean Batman talks to Ace like that?”
“He’s the exception,” Richard lifted the 3-legged puppy from the tub. “Can you hand me a towel?” he asked.
Raven grabbed one with her powers. “Have you fed her?”
“I picked up some kibble on my way home,” Richard replied in his baby voice, his attention still on the dog in his arms. “Come on,” he continued fussing in a baby voice as he left the bathroom, “let’s get you all dried up.”
Raven only stared after him before looking at the mess in the bathroom. There was mud splattered everywhere – on the walls, on the toilet, on the ceiling. How’d that even happen? Raven shook her head as she rolled up her sleeves. “Better get started,” she muttered. She might as well make herself useful, seeing as her spot as Richard’s favorite girl was about to be replaced.
It took Raven a little over an hour to get the bathroom spotless. She then sat on a couch for another two hours listening to Richard talk to his newest and much cuter companion. But she didn’t blame him. The floppy ears were adorable.
It wasn’t until one a.m., 4 hours after Raven arrived, that Richard gave her attention. He’d just finished putting Haley in a makeshift doggy bed before plopping down on the couch next to Raven. “Hey,” was all he said.
“Oh, now it’s my turn?” Raven joked.
Richard gave her a side-eye. “I need to clean the bathroom,” he said. “But I’m too tired to do it now.”
“Already done,” Raven replied, turning a page in her book.
“Really?” he sat up and stared at her in awe.
“Of course,” she rolled her eyes.
“You’re the best,” he threw his arms around her.
“Yes, I know,” she stated dryly.
“Staying over?”
“That depends. Has my spot been taken?” she smirked.
“You can’t be jealous of Haley,” Richard pulled Raven to her feet. “You’d leave me for her, too.”
“True,” Raven allowed Richard to lead her into his bedroom. “When will you introduce the rest of the team to Bitewing?”
“I thought she could be our little secret,” he stopped abruptly. “I swear, I put her on the floor.”
Raven looked around Richard to see Bitewing in her spot on Richard’s bed. “I’ve become the other woman in this relationship,” Raven joked. “And you just met her hours ago.”
Richard gave her a mock glare. “I’ll just move her.”
“No!” Raven exclaimed, surprising herself. “Look at her,” she walked to her side of the bed and beamed at the puppy curled up in a ball. “This poor dog was cast out, chased, abused, and you would make her sleep on the floor? I thought you were better than that,” Raven tsked.
“I don’t want her in our bed,” Richard whisper shouted. “The bed is our place. We do adult things in this bed.”
“Too bad,” Raven used her powers to gently shift Bitewing over before climbing into the bed beside her. “You can take the couch.”
“You’re kicking me out of my own bed?”
“What can I say?” Raven’s violet eyes flashed mischievously. “You were right. She’s a much cuter life companion.”
Richard scoffed before stubbornly climbing into his bed. Haley was now fast asleep between the two birds. “Does Bruce know he’s a grandpa?” Raven rolled onto her side, facing Richard.
“I haven’t had the chance to tell him,” Richard played along, “though I’m unsure how he’ll take the news. What if it doesn’t work out between us?”
“I get full custody,” Raven smiled.
“No,” Richard objected, “if anything, I would get full custody.”
“Or, we can have her pick her favorite parent…which will be me.” Richard only stared at Raven in a way that made her cheeks heat up. “But…um,” she cleared her throat, “little Haley here doesn’t need to worry about choosing her favorite parent. I’m not planning on going anywhere,” she ended softly.
Richard reached a hand over their sleeping bed companion to gently caress Raven’s face. “I am so in love with you,” he admitted, causing Raven to blush even more. He leaned over, intent on kissing her. Raven moved to meet him in the middle but suddenly lowered her head and dropped a kiss on top of Bitewing’s head. “That’s messed up,” Richard said, “that is cold.”
“I love you, too,” Raven gave him a smirk before rolling over.
“I’m going to get you for that.”
Richard was rolled on his side a little later, watching his two favorite girls sleep. Raven had rolled over and was now facing him, and Bitewing had curled further into Raven’s warmth. “Traitor,” he whispered to the dog, his heart already filling with love. This was his family. Now all he had to do was convince Raven to let him put a little Richard Jr. inside of her, and their family would be complete. He smiled as his body began to relax. He was content with Raven and Haley; he didn’t need a child.
But starting tomorrow, Bitewing would be sleeping in her own bed because this – this wasn’t okay. Bitewing was undeniably adorable, but Richard liked having sex and cuddling with Raven. No, the dog was definitely getting her own nice, expensive bed as soon as possible.