Chapter Text
We Should Ruin Our Friendship
00:43
Felix groaned as put his phone down, it was the third time in ten minutes he had checked the clock. It seemed as if the entire day today had passed in slow motion, and that became even more prominent now during the night. After a live performance a few days ago, a couple of the members had tested positive, and therefore, the entire group was now stuck in their separate quarantines. Which meant Felix was left alone and with a ton of excitement stuck in his body.
Usually, he would go to bed later, the times he was able to slump down on his mattress before midnight was a mere handful. Therefore, he should feel grateful for this opportunity he now had, but as the hours passed and all he did was toss and turn around, it felt as far from grateful as he could.
It was quiet in the dorms tonight, Felix figured most of the members must have gone straight to sleep and not failed as miserably as he had. This was the downside of having their own rooms now, it was lonely at night. Before he had a roommate he could mess around with and fall asleep to them snoring beside him, now it was just himself between four walls. The good thing about the new dorm thought was, unlike the last place they lived in, all eight of them had one house to share and not two. Which meant he didn’t have to miss half of the band on days they were at their separate places.
There was one person he missed especially when the band lived in two dorms, the thought of no longer sneaking between their places to see each other made Felix warm inside. However, with everyone's rooms so close to each other, it was hard to not get caught by any of the other members.
Get caught was maybe the wrong word to use, he and Hyunjin weren’t doing anything bad per se, maybe in the staff’s eyes but not for the other six boys. It was just- just hard to explain or come up with excuses as to why the two of them were overly clingy. He and Hyunjin had always been like that, but it’s just that lately after they moved into their new house, something felt different. More intense, more exciting, more intimate . Like their eye contact seemed more drawn out, they let their hands linger on each other a little longer, and their conversations never wanted to come to an end.
Letting out another sigh, Felix picked up his phone again to put on music on his speakers, figuring he might as well can turn on his neon lights because it seemed like it would be a while before sleep came. Just as he was about to toss his phone back to the mattress, he felt it vibrate in his hand. Looking at the notification lighting up his lock screen Felix read one new message from Hyunjin, his heart skipped a beat after reading his name. Felix felt a small tug on the corners of his lips like a smile wanted to break out on his face. Unlocking his phone and clicking on the message, Felix read:
I can’t sleep lix :( are you awake??
Snorting at that, because he figured it’s not a surprise Hyunjin would be awake now as well, Felix typed a quick response to shoot back.
I am, can’t sleep either
A couple of bubbles instigating Hyunjin was already writing a response bobbed up and down before they disappeared. Felix stared at their conversation for a moment, frowning as he wondered to himself why Hyunjin had asked that and nothing more. Just as he was about to send another message and question his friend, a shy knock was heard from the other side of the door leading to his room.
Before the younger guy had a chance to even guess who it might be, his door quietly opened and shut, and a sleepy Hyunjin padded inside, making himself comfortable by flopping down on Felix's bed straight away.
Snickering and poking his friend’s head, Felix murmured, “Hello to you too”.
Groaning into the pillow, Hyunjin turned his head to look at Felix, “Hi Lixie”, a shy smile spread on his face, making him look even more adorable with his messy hair and oversized pajamas on. “Sorry for crashing into your room so suddenly, I didn’t want to be alone”.
Shaking his head, Felix ruffled Hyunjin’s hair, “No need to say sorry dummy, I’m glad you came, I felt alone too”. Truly, he was happier than he looked on the outside, and he would lie if Hyunjin right next to him in the bed right now didn’t make his heart flutter.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”, Hyunjin questioned, furrowing his eyebrows, almost looking a little baffled over the fact Felix had not told him right away that he wanted company, his company.
Had the older boy expected him to tell him? Felix grew curious at that, “Tell you what? That I felt lonely?”
“Yes, why didn’t you?” - Hyunjin asked sincerely, prolonging the eye contact with the younger boy, as tentative as usual when Felix was speaking.
Rubbing his neck and feeling his cheeks going warm, Felix murmured, “Uh…Well, I don't know, can I do that? I thought you were asleep”.
“Of course, you can do that” - the older boy instantly breathed out like the answer was the most obvious thing in the world, like he was trying to put weight into the words, like he wanted to make sure he reassured Felix.
It did reassure him, but when opening his mouth to respond, Hyunjin was quick to add another thing first, “Let me know next time, ‘kay Lix?”.
Felix was nodding and then he suddenly froze, his heart stuck in his throat and pupils dilated because Hyunjin held out his pinky towards him, he wanted Felix to promise him to tell him next time. How could he possibly refuse that, interlocking his pinky with the other boy Felix said softly, “I will, Hyunnie ”.
Having his best friend laying half on top of him, with all their limbs tangled together, soft music playing in the background, and the red lights glowing on their skin was like a recipe for disaster. It had been approximately twenty minutes since Hyunjin had come to his room and Felix's heart had been beating with a way too fast pace non-stop. If it weren’t for his chest thrumming so hard, Felix maybe would have noticed the older boy's heart was in the same state as his, beating in tandem and pressed together in between their warm bodies.
It shouldn’t be like this, being so close never made Felix feel flustered with any of the other members, it was just the kind of person he is, he loves physical affection in any of its forms. Hyunjin was a case of his own, however, thinking back on his life, Felix couldn't pinpoint another person who has made him feel so much . It was the only word he could describe it with so far, he wasn’t sure which category this “much” could be placed in, just yet.
Hyunjin was the person he could recognize by touch alone, the soft pads of his fingers lingering on his skin, the tell-tale personal scent of his, the silky hair always resting behind his ears, a few odd strands sticking out every here and there. It was like all the details of the older boy had become permanent residents in his memory, to the point he probably could write a whole memoir about them alone.
While Felix's thoughts were lost in the clouds, Hyunjin had perked up by the first tones of the new songs played from the speakers. Propping himself up on his elbows, his chin resting on the younger boy's chest so he could look at his face, Hyunjin licked his lips before speaking.
“Hey, Felix?”
Pulling himself out of his hazy daydreams where he mapped out his favorite things about the other member, Felix tilted his head to look back at Hyunjin. Their faces were so close like this, close enough for him to see his reflection in the other boy’s eyes. “Yeah, what’s up?”.
“This song… I like it, I've never heard it before”
The familiar beats and lyrics flowed through the younger boy's ear and his eyes widened ever so slightly. “Oh… You do? I like it too, a lot”.
Humming to the lyrics quietly, this is what falling in love feels like… Hyunjin poked Felix's cheek teasingly and grinned. “Hmm, I didn’t know you were such a loverboy Lixie”.
“I- I am not, don't tease me like that”, his comment lacked any bite and when the tips of Felix’s ears then turned red, Hyunjin was fast to notice.
Hyunjin reached forward with his hand and ghosted it over the younger boy's warm cheek, “You know, making a command like that doesn't sound all that believable when you’re looking like that”.
“Looking like what exactly?”, Felix asked, doing his best to reciprocate the playful tone in the other boy's voice, and doing his best to sound equally confident.
“Like… A cute little kitten”, Hyunjin teased, wrinkling his nose from the laughter bubbling up inside of him and dimples on his cheeks making an appearance.
“Hah? A kitten?”, Felix exclaimed like the nickname wasn't already used widely by all the members, well mostly cat was used, Hyunjin was the only stubborn enough to use kitten specificall y.
“C’mon Lix, don’t get all shy on me now, I’ve seen your little bubble messages, and your cat aegyo, or wait - how could I forget the kitten ears you have stashed away in your closet?”
At a loss of words, Felix gaped at the older boy, bewildered over how the existence of his cat ears, which he had an excuse for having bought, was known by anyone other than himself. “I- H.. How do you even know that?”.
“I was bored and was waiting for you to come home”
“So you decided to wait in my room?”
“Yup”
“And you decided to go through my stuff to pass the time?”
“Exactly”
Letting out a loud groan, Felix momentarily hide his flustered face behind the crook of his arm, “I hate you”.
“We both know that isn't true, you could never hate me Lixie”
True , was it that obvious? Felix thought to himself before dropping his hands to look at Hyunjin, “You didn’t look inside the boxes under my bed, did you?”.
“Well… You see…”
“Oh my god I hate you!”. Felix exclaimed, urging the older boy off his chest so he could grab a pillow and hit him with “I am mortified! I can’t even look at you right now!”. Of course, Felix’s outburst lacked any real threat, rather, the syllables were tainted with giggles and a softness in his tone that was only ever present for Hyunjin to hear.
Throwing his head back out of pure laughter, Hyunjin tried to get his words of defense out in between the hits to his body, “Aww don't be shy honey, it’s not embarrassing, we all do it”.
“Doesn’t mean seeing my- my-... Knowing isn't the same thing!”.
“To be fair, you did surprise me a little”.
“Hah? Do not utter a single more word Hyunnie I swear-”.
“I didn’t know there could be so many different forms and colors and -”.
“I am going to kill you Hwang Hyunjin!”
Falling over from laughter and clutching his stomach, Hyunjin breathed out a playful, “Oh, I would love to see you try baby”.
Said and done, one second Hyunjin was sitting on his knees on the bed, and in the next second, before he could even blink, his back hit the mattress. Felix was sitting on top of him, his hands covering his mouth in case any more embarrassing revelations of his private box of items would spill out of Hyunjin.
“I won't even hesitate”, Felix retorted, flashing a devilish and smug smile down at the taller one.
Wearing an overly dramatic baffled expression, Hyunjin whined under Felix's hands above his mouth, “Where did my angel Felix go?”.
“Sorry, angel Felix is currently on sick leave, you’ll get me instead, you earned it”, and with a click of his tongue, the younger boy poked his fingers into Hyunjin's sides and started torturing him with Hyunjins very own achilles heel - tickling . If it was something Felix knew about his bandmate, it was that he was extremely ticklish and that knowledge came to great use right now.
Crying out from a mixture of breathless laughter and pleading to stop, Hyunjin struggled under Felix, making futile attempts to turn around their positions. Even though the younger boy had a small and slim frame, he was a lot stronger than he looked. With his black belt in taekwondo and knowledge in martial arts, Felix was a powerhouse in disguise.
“Please Felix”
“Hmm, please what?”
“Please stop tickling me, I won’t bring it up anymore”
“Is that a promise?”
“Bring me your pinky”, Hyunjin said and relaxed into the mattress, holding his finger out.
Felix should have been more suspicious of the older boy wanting to make yet another pinky promise on the same night, because as soon as he released the strong grip on the body under him, Hyunjin was fast to roll them around and take the position on top.
“H-Hyunnie, what are you doing”, Felix asked, a little taken aback, and a little thrilled over having the older boy tower over him. His dark eyes drinking him up and muscular arms framing his head, their chests rising and falling against each other, body heat radiating and meeting in the middle.
“You’re not the only strong one anymore”, Hyunjin murmured, looking a little too pleased with himself after successfully pulling off his unexpected maneuver. There was a faint blush painting his cheeks, making itself more apparent when his and Felix's face had moved even closer.
For a moment the two boys just stayed there, engulfed in each other, in their eye contact, their position, and the tension that suddenly made the air in the room feel thick and humid. It felt as though time stood still, neither of them daring to utter a word nor move. Felix was overwhelmed and fully mesmerized by his best friend, as it seemed as though the other boy was in a similar condition.
“I-”, Felix began but quickly fell silent when Hyunjins gaze dropped to rest on his lips, and then back up again. He gulped, saliva thick in his throat, and his breath completely still. He couldn't help glancing at the other boy's lips as well, feeling almost too hot and embarrassed to look up and back into Hyunjin’s eyes.
The following seconds were all a blur, Felix didn’t know whether it has he who slightly raised his head or Hyunjin who lowered his but their lips suddenly met, softly pressing against each other and swiftly pulling apart.
As their mouth hovered against each other, a mere breath apart, Felix and Hyunjin made eye contact. Without even uttering a word, it was as their minds communicated, and their lips connected a second time. Now a little less tentative but still tiptoeing around, too scared to push their luck, too scared by the thought of the other one pulling away with regret written on their face.
Felix felt dizzy, the warm lips of the older boy interlocked with his own, slightly agape but not bold enough to graze the tips of each other's tongue, it all felt too good to be true. The rapid beating in his chest had mellowed out like it had reached symbiosis with Hyunjins and they were now in perfect tune with one another. Like two puzzle pieces became one .
Tentatively pulling apart a second time, just enough space between them to watch the expression on the other’s one’s faces, Felix and Hyunjin breathe out the air they subconsciously had been holding.
“Again?”, Hyunjin whispered, gently stroking his thumb over the freckles scattered under Felix's eye.
“Yeah”
The third time their lips came together, it felt firmer, and after the verbal agreement that they were in sync with their desire, it was as if they could let go of the restraints they held the first two times they kissed.
Hyunjns lips were soft and plump against Felix, almost like pillows who slotted against his own, like they complemented one another. Felix could feel the light tickle of breath beneath his nose, and he couldn't help but slide his hands into the older boy's hair and breathe him in further.
The younger boy's small hands and bony fingers scraped against Hyunjin's scalp, burying themself into his strands of hair, letting out a small whimper when a string of chills traveled down his spine. And Felix drank the silky sound up like every drop of it could extinguish his thirst.
Felix's breath hitched when he felt the tip of Hyunjins tongue ghost over his bottom lip, wetting it like a silent request for entrance, and the younger boy obliged. Warm and slick tongues met after what had felt like an eternity, and it was so good.
The real thing felt so good compared to the few times Felix had allowed to entertain the thought of this scenario in his head. Intoxicated by each other, their veins pumping with ecstasy, they let out a low rumbling moan in unison. After each swipe of their tongues against the roof of their mouth, their craving for more grew larger and larger. As if the yearning for each other was bottomless, and now presented itself as pure greed.
Parting, with a string of saliva hanging like a bridge between their lips, and panting breath steaming warmth against their skin, Hyunjin’s and Felix’s pupils widened when interlocking in a gaze. They let their eye contact draw out like both boys needed a minute to take everything in, to let the realization of mutual infatuation settle in.
Cursing under his breath, Hyunjin then murmured, “You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that Felix”.
“I-”, Felix started, but at loss to form any words worthy of expressing the feelings he felt at this moment he simply settled for cupping the older boy's cheeks and bringing their forehead together before whispering a needy, “Please don’t stop”.
Felix didn’t need to beg, because as soon the last syllable had left his mouth, Hyunjin crashed his lips against Felix’s again, every inch of desperation in his body conveyed into the kiss. Their tongue's hot and wet muscles found each other a lot more fervent this time, not wasting a single second or breath to circle them around, creating a mess of saliva and pants escaping between each motion.
Craving to connect their bodies impossibly closer, Hyunjin cupped the backside of Felix's thighs before sitting up, placing the younger boy in his lap, the latters legs circling the waist of the taller one.
With Felix now straddling Hyunjin, it was as both of their hips unconsciously started rocking back and forth, accompanied by urgent pulls at each other's hair and eager ripping at their clothes.
Burying his face against Felix's neck, Hyunjin growled dangerously, “Fuck Lix, you don't know what you’re doing with me, I won't be able to stop if we keep doing this”.
“Then don’t stop, don’t hold back”, Felix nearly purred into Hyunjins ear while digging his nails into his shoulder.
Was Felix thinking this through? Not in the slightest . Would they both be dead if anyone outside of the other six members ever found out? Most definitely . But any second thoughts were quickly put away and stored in the back of his mind because stopping was the last thing he wanted right now, no matter the exact meaning behind Hyunjins’s words. He had waited for so long to feel his friend like this, and now that he had gotten the first sweet taste, there was no way to take it back. All the emotions he had built a wall around ever since their debut had come bursting through, spilling out without no sign of a stop. He needed more of Hyunjin, and he needed this night to never come to an end.
Nibbling on his bottom lip, Hyunjin tried to take a couple of deep breaths before answering, “I- Are you sure?”, his eyes filled with lust, like a wild animal who was waiting for a sign to attack his prey, devouring it whole. Even after their hours-long dancing practices in the studio, Felix had never seen the older boy quite this worked up, and it stirred around butterflies in his stomach with the thought of being so wanted.
“I’ve wanted this for so long, too, Hyunnie, I am sure”, god Felix was more sure than he had ever been before . He didn’t need to look into a mirror to know he probably looked as heated as Hyunjin right now, and he was so drunk on the other boy that it already felt like he was on cloud nine.
“And- What if I can’t hold back? Will you be able to handle that?”
Felix wasn’t sure if the years under the industry's harsh rules over their private life had made him starved for physical touch and the implications of that statement sounds dirtier than it really was, or if Hyunjin wanted to, just like him, act fully on his feelings tonight. To let their souls and bodies bleed together and lead them in any direction, trusting whatever chemistry was between them would take them somewhere good. All the younger boy knew was that he wanted to keep doing this and that he could handle whatever Hyunjin gave him. “I don’t care, I would let you do anything to me”.
“God, Felix do you realize wh-”.
“What do you want to do Hyunjin? What does your heart tell you to do right now, at this moment?”.
“I don’t want to stop, i- I wanna make you mine, fully mine tonight, or else I might lose my mind”.
“Then… Let’s do this, let’s ke-”.
A violent clash between the boy’s lips swallowed Felix's words, and whimpers of satisfaction and need rumbled from their throats. Bruising the skin around their mouths, teeth accidentally clinking together and too eager rolls of their bodies made their feelings between each other explode. It felt as though someone had set both of them on fire at the same time, like someone had ignited every single pent-up emotion they held towards each other for years , setting it free without restrictions.
Maybe it was the thrill of doing something they absolutely shouldn’t, about everything that was at stake if others found out, what it could mean to their “friendship” afterward, and mostly just how good it felt that made them dive headfirst into this. To taste each other after both been so unaware since their debut of their mutual pining, to finally melt into one.
Grabbing Hyunjin’s neck with both of his hands, Felix tilted his head to deepen the kiss even further, dragging his tongue over the roof of the other’s mouth. When the older boy let out a low and broken whimper from the sensation, Felix took the opportunity to sink them back into the bed, Hyunjis back on the mattress while he straddled on top.
When the back of Hyunjins head hit the pillow, Felix sucked on his bottom lip, leaving a fresh red bruise before sinking his teeth into the plump flesh, dragging out more noises from the other one.
All of a sudden, the younger boy felt Hyunjin forcefully grab his jaw to make him look into his eyes and let out a warning in a husky tone, “Lixie, if you’re gonna keep…Ah”
With a wave on his hips, Felix grinded against Hyunjins body under him, just for the sheer pleasure of seeing his eyes roll back and the words die on his tongue.
Growling, the older boy then took his other hands and held them around Felix's throat, heightening the tension in the air, “As I said, don’t fool yourself into thinking I will go easy on you, baby”.
Flashing a sinful grin and dragging his tongue over his teeth, Felix shot back a cocky, “Does it look like I’m begging for easy? Or are you scared to hurt me? I’m not a delicate doll, Hyunnie”.
To be honest, Felix didn’t quite know where all this confidence had come from, it felt like his demeanor changed naturally into something… Somethin g opposite of what everyone around him is used to.
“Let’s see if you will sound like that after I’m done with you then, brat ”.
Scoffing at the pet name, Felix leaned down, making Hyunjins hand push against his throat firmer , before he breathed out and whispered, “I think you’re mistaken who’s in control here honey…”. With another grind of his hips, feeling how something hard under his ass twitched, he drank up Hyunjin’s whines before continuing, “... You see , I won’t hold back either…”. Nibbling on Hyunjins ear, biting the soft flesh, and dragging his tongue over the shelly, noticing goosebumps travel down on the neck, Felix let out the last couple of syllables, “...And, I bet you break faster than me”.