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Yeosang has never let himself get too comfortable.
His entire life he's been afraid that anything good could disappear, slip away within seconds like water through cupped hands.
He doesn't allow himself to get to attached to things so that when it inevitably ends, it doesn't hurt as badly.
Even when it came to ATEEZ, it was hard for him to accept that he had security - these people were gonna stick around, for better or for worse. It was the love from their fans and his fellow band members that made his walls shrink in a way he's never allowed them to.
And then there's Wooyoung.
Wooyoung - well he's never let Yeosang have walls up in the first place.
From the moment he met him, Wooyoung was all smiles and persistence. He has no idea what first drew the younger to him initially, but he found it so incredibly hard to not let him in.
As their friendship grew, as did Yeosang's unwanted attachment to him.
Finding each other in a crowd, hushed words and secrets, linked pinkies and a promise to be by one another's side no matter what;
How could Yeosang not fall for him?
He felt like a kid again, stupid crushes that have him daydreaming while gazing at the clouds and feelings his cheeks heat up when he gets too close.
Lines he didn't think could be erased are evaporated in mere moments when it comes to Wooyoung, he acts as if he could move mountains with just some perseverance and to a point, Yeosang believes he could.
Being in ATEEZ together, becoming roommates, it was too much.
He did what he always does, try to push him away so he didn't feel hurt when it inevitably went wrong - but somehow it didn't work. No amount of cut off conversations or slipping away from his touch made Wooyoung lose interest.
Wooyoung wouldn't allow himself to be pushed away, he stood his ground with furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips. He didn't force any answers out of Yeosang, and yet refused to let him pretend like nothing was wrong.
He realized that Wooyoung wasn't going to leave as long as he could help it. Yeosang made the decision then and there to allow himself to be seen.
It's a scary feeling to know so intensely that someone sees you. Sees who you are and chooses you in spite of it, and that just makes him fall even more.
Wooyoung only takes things as slow or fast as Yeosang wants - of course he's touchy and loving, like he always has been, but their first kiss is entirely initiated by Yeosang.
It's a late night when it happens, faces only lit by the moonlight streaming in through the leaves, a soft wind through his hair. Wooyoung's telling a story he's heard a million times now and yet he's listening closely, watching his smile through the darkness.
It feels right.
Yeosang rests a hand on his chest as if to test the waters - Wooyoung's grin softens around the edges and he lets the older lean in, only coming forward to connect their lips when Yeosang nods.
It's sweet and slow like a whisper, barely there and yet if fills Yeosang with a warmth he's never felt before, sunshine and sunflowers and waterfalls, blue skies and fresh grass and sinking into clean sheets.
He grips onto Wooyoung's shirt like it's a tether to everything tangible.
"You look so cute when you blush," He swoons, the sparkle in his eyes obvious even in the dark.
"Shut it," Yeosang quips, hiding his face and trying not to smile, "You can't even see me, idiot."
"Don't need to."
Yeosang laughs and feels weight he didn't know he was holding leave his shoulders, like he can breathe without restriction. He feels at ease in all senses of the word.
Everything is perfect, even when it changes.
Yeosang is happy without labels, he almost prefers it even - it keeps the pressure off, makes him less scared about what it is they are. They kiss and they cuddle at night, squeezed onto a twin bed like teenagers. They hold hands when no ones watching and sometimes when they are.
Wooyoung tells him he loves him and Yeosang believes him, no matter how much his brain yells at him for doing so because he feels it too.
Doesn't mean he doesn't notice how Wooyoung is around San.
He has feelings for him, that much he can tell. He can see the way Woo smiles at his jokes and clings to his arm. Sunshine, sunflowers, and waterfalls.
He's not upset by it, per say, more nervous. Whatever it is that Wooyoung and Yeosang have, he doesn't want to lose it. He can't.
"Do you like him?" Yeosang asks, eyes closed as Woo rakes his fingers gentle through his hair.
"Hm?"
"San," his fingers stall for a moment and Yeo opens his eyes. "It's alright if you do."
His eyes are careful but honest, "I do."
It's a mix of feelings; fear and apprehension and understanding. Wooyoung's fingers start moving again though, rubbing softly at his scalp in a way he can only describe as reassuring.
"Doesn't take away from how I feel about you," He says softly, and Yeosang believes him.
They talk about it for hours. Discussing boundaries and their feelings, talking out every scenario they can to assure no one ends up hurt. After they feel secure, they talk to San.
Of course he reciprocates Woo's feelings, but he makes it clear that he doesn't want to hurt Yeosang in any way and it makes the whole thing feel so much less terrifying.
It feels so adult, having a talk like that, all three of them. They agree to keep having talks whenever someone needs it.
It rewrites a new normal.
Yeosang gets accustomed to having San on the other side of Woo. They each get their time alone with him and honestly, Yeosang doesn't care about what they do when he's not there, because he never feels out unloved or out of place when he does get to be with him.
There's another shift that Yeosang notices one evening.
All three had been sitting in the grass, chatting and laughing like usual. Wooyoung mutters something about needing a snack and leaves the two boys to sit, alone in the breeze.
Yeosang looks at him to find his eyes already meeting his; San's gaze is strong yet warm, like he's studying him.
"What are you looking at?" Yeosang says, though his voice is void of any malice.
"You," he says simply, smile growing.
It's such a casual word, Yeosang would never think anything of it any other time, but for some reason, with the way he's looking at him now, he feels his chest turn over a million times.
"Are you blushing?" San grins, pushing the hair out of his eyes with a laugh.
"No," Yeosang protests, "It's a sunburn."
"You sunburn fast," Wooyoung's voice chimes from the porch. He makes his way back to them and glances between them, the smallest of smirks on his lips.
Things feel different from that day on. Yeosang and San's eyes linger on eachother more, it becomes less weird to touch hands while wrapping their arms around Woo - instead of shifting their hands apart they linger.
Lingering becomes holding, and holding becomes a soft brush of a thumb against skin. Testing waters.
"I think you like him," Wooyoung says when they're alone, head on his shoulder and hand on his knee.
Yeosang knows what he's talking about, of course he does. He can't see his face but he knows he's smiling and it's almost irritating how well he knows him.
"I probably do," He sighs, "But won't that make things more complicated?"
He feels Wooyoung shake his head, "If anything it'll make things less complicated I think," He says, gently rubbing his thumb against his knee. "We should talk to him about it."
And so they have another conversation. He feels relief that San likes him too, relief that nothing was made weird, relief that he didn't lose what he had started to get attached to.
Lines are erased and redrawn and it's okay, change doesn't feel as scary as it used to. He gets used to it being the three of them in tandem, a new normal.
He has Wooyoung, the sunlight and the blooming flowers; the familiarity of his voice and his touch and it keeps him grounded.
And then he has San, who's new, he's moonlight and stars and fresh air. He's a fresh feeling against his lips and fingers and while it's so so different to what him and Wooyoung have, he thinks it's just as good.