Chapter Text
Fezco had been dreaming of the day when Lexi Howard would finally open her big brown eyes and look at him - really look at him - and realize that he had been right here waiting for her, all along. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly when he fell in love with her - the years between them stretched out like a tapestry, woven together tightly. He knew her like the back of his own freckled hand. Fezco could tell just by her footsteps what kind of mood she was in. He knew she couldn’t eat mint chocolate chip ice cream without crying. He knew that she listened to weird hyper-pop music when she was determined , when she needed to get herself hyped up. He knew that she loved wearing ribbons in her hair, that she kept a collection of them in a drawer in her bathroom, matching them to her outfits carefully. Fezco knew that she cracked her knuckles when she was nervous, that her mind was like a very complex Rolodex, and that someday, she was going to leave East Highland and make something of her life.
Being in love with Lexi Howard was not fucking easy. But like most things in Fezco’s life, it was out of his hands, not an option so much as a fact, like the passing of time or the tide.
He had envisioned a million scenarios where she would realize it. Where she would stand in front of him, so fucking pretty that it hurt to look at her. Those clever brown eyes, sparkling with happiness. Her creamy skin tinged pink with a telling blush. Her perfect lips, painted her trademark red, curved up in a grin at him. “Fezco, would you kiss me?” Her sweet voice would be soft, shy - and he would be helpless to do anything but comply. In his fantasy, he would finally get to tuck a stray, dark brown curl behind her ear. He would cup her cheek, thumb tracing the faint freckles that smattered her cheekbones and nose, visible from only very close up. He would dip his head down, closing the distance between their mouths, kiss her so carefully , so precisely, and feel her melt into his arms…
Reality - much like the star of his feverish fantasies - was much less gentle.
“Hey,” she said, throwing open the door that led into his bedroom. Outside, the sky was streaked bruised purple and brilliant orange as the sun sank into the palm trees and the clay tile roofs. Fezco glanced up from his phone, arching an eyebrow at her, and Lexi was oblivious as she paced the threadbare carpet in front of him.
“Wassup?” he asked. Rue could wait - he pocketed his phone and gave Lexi his full attention. She let her hair down, shaking out the wild, damp curls, and played with her hair tie anxiously. Her silence was more telling than any barrage of words. “Yo, you freakin me out, Lex.”
“Sorry,” she said, pausing in her tracks to toss him a weak grin. She opened her mouth, then shut it quickly, shaking her head.
Fezco had known Lexi Howard since he was ten, and she was eight. He was nineteen now, and Lexi was a senior in high school, and they had been as close as two friends could be. They had grown up next door to each other, sharing all the highs and lows life had dealt them. He could tell when she was well and truly spiraling, and the first symptom of that was becoming speechless.
His palms were clammy, and he wiped them on his jeans. “Is it your moms? Is it Cass?”
“No, everybody is fine,” she said, waving her hand dismissively. “Well, as fine as they can be, you know.”
“What’s wrong?” Fezco asked, a little more forcefully. His guts were twisting up like a balloon animal.
“So, this guy asked me to prom,” Lexi said. She wrung her hands together nervously. “And I said yes, but - now I’m freaking out, because Rue so kindly pointed out that prom usually means sex, and I haven’t even been kissed before, and now I’m freaking out that I’m going to be the only freaking - freaking virgin when I go to State next fall!” She threw her hands up dramatically, before collapsing back on his bed with a groan.
Fezco blinked in surprise. In all their years of friendship, nothing like this had ever come up before. They didn’t talk about crushes or relationships, and Fezco had hoped - naively, it seemed - that meant she had feelings for him that matched the ones he had for her.
“Wait, slow down,” he said, shaking his head as though to clear it. “Who the fuck asked you to prom?” Fezco knew that Ashtray could find all the relevant information on this punk faster than the FBI. All he needed was a name.
“Ethan Lewis,” Lexi said. “He was in Oklahoma with me, earlier this year?” She dragged herself upright, scrubbing her face.
Fezco remembered the kid. Not a bad guy, but Lexi had never spoken of him like this before. Not in a way that made his heart flutter with fear that she might like him. In fact, Fez kinda thought he was dating Kat, but Lexi hadn’t brought her up in a while, either. With Cassie out of school, her friend group had shrunk down to Rue and himself, a few other kids that she shared classes with.
“And you like, like him?” Fezco asked, even though it made his tongue taste bitter to say.
“I don’t know. But I do not want to be this - this inexperienced mess when I go to university!” Lexi exclaimed. She gestured to herself, the soft old pajamas she wore, her fuzzy orange Garfield slippers he’d gotten her for Hanukkah years ago. “ No guy is going to want to be with me if I don't know what I’m doing.”
Fezco wanted to argue that point, but thought it better not to. Knowing Lexi, she needed to vent off her steam before winding down to reason and logic. He would just - pretend that the thought of her hooking up with that pencil neck dork that sang and danced with her on stage didn’t make him want to die, and then they could discuss it like - like adults, or whatever. He would convince her that she didn’t need to lose her virginity to anybody before going to school, that she would be better off holding onto it until she found the right person, until she fell in love.
It was a social construct, and everything - but Fezco would be lying if he said the thought of her giving it up to someone else didn’t hurt.
Honestly, he thought maybe she should talk to Cassie about all of this, not him. It wasn’t like he had any relevant experience…
“So, do you think we could practice?” Lexi asked, and his head snapped up.
“Practice?” Fezco echoed dumbly.
“Yeah. You know how, and I don’t, so you could teach me?” Lexi gazed at him expectantly, hopeful. Fezco didn’t know whether to laugh or cry as she patted the bed beside her.
“Hell the fuck no,” Fezco said, shaking his head. His heart felt like it was trying to crawl up his throat.
“Please! Fezco, you know I would do it for you!” She jumped to her feet, throwing herself into his lap. The computer chair creaked under their combined weight, and Lexi awkwardly straddled his thighs as he grabbed her, preventing them from tipping over completely. “I’ll close the store every weekend for a month. I’ll give Ash rides to school. I’ll clean your room.” Lexi put her hands together, getting too close in his face. He could smell the spearmint from her toothpaste, the citrus of her face wash. Her lower lip jutted out in a pout, and she turned her best puppy dog eyes on him. “I’ll be your best friend,” she whispered, as if she wasn’t already.
He couldn’t think with her weight in his lap, his hands braced on her back, when she was so close and asking him to do the one thing he had been dreaming of since he was fourteen, and he saw her in a dress and heels and makeup for the first time. If Fezco had been gone for her then, he was even worse off now.
“Just kissing,” Lexi said, as Fezco slumped back. She knew him just as well as he knew her, and she was twice as quick to read his cues, knowing what he was thinking, what he was going to do , before Fezco even did. “Just - show me how to make out. No big deal.”
Fezco chuckled hollowly. “You ain’t worried this is gonna like, fundamentally change our relationship?” He gazed up at her, truly curious on how she could kiss him and expect everything to be exactly the same as it had before.
“What? No,” Lexi said, shaking her head. She combed her fingers through her hair, smoothed a hand over her pajama top. “It’s just kissing, right? Like, people kiss all the time. It doesn’t mean we’re like, in love.”
“Right,” Fezco said, sighing. His heart beat wildly as she grabbed his hand, tugging him to his feet. He was taller than her by a few inches, but Lexi looped her arms around his neck, rocking up on to the tips of her toes to bring their faces coder together. Automatically, his hands spanned her waist to steady her.
“All right, Fezco. Lay one on me,” Lexi said, puckering her lips and squeezing her eyes shut. He couldn’t help but snicker at her expression, shaking his head. She really was an innocent - even Fezco had managed a few secret make out sessions over the years. Girls that meant nothing to him, that only stood out in the ways that they weren’t her.
“Don’t… do that. With yo face,” Fez said, and she cracked one eye to peek at him. “Relax, Lex. I ain’t yo granny. You don’t kiss like that.”
“You don’t?” she asked, letting her reluctant muscles relax.
“Just… Close your eyes, and follow my lead.” He let his thumbs brush her ribs, comforting, and Lexi bobbed her head in an eager nod. She had her concentration face on, one that meant she was taking mental notes to be evaluated later.
Fezco knew, even as her eyes drifted shut, that this was a bad idea. It might not change anything for her , but it would change everything for him. He would know what her lips felt like against his own. He would know what she tasted like, what her tongue felt like, when it moved against his own. There was no way, in any universe, where this didn’t alter his life on a molecular type level. Still, he couldn’t say no to her - couldn’t deny her this simple request. There was little that Lexi could ask of him that Fez would outright reject. Apparently, he wasn’t strong enough to deny her this , even if it was bound to break his heart.
Her lips were soft. Warm. That was his first thought when their mouths connected. He felt her inhale sharply, stiffening like a plank in his arms. Fezco lifted one hand, cupping her cheek - letting his fingers brush her soft, damp curls back behind her ear so carefully. It worked, and she softened like butter, linking her hands behind his neck.
It felt really fuckin good to be kissing Lexi Howard. Even if it didn’t mean the same thing to her as it did to him. Even if, when they were finished, she was only doing this to impress some theater dork who wanted to fuck her after prom. Fezco added some pressure, mouth moving gently against Lexi’s, fighting the awe and the arousal that spiked through him.
His tongue traced the fullness of her bottom lip, and Lexi gasped. Heart pounding - feeling very much like he might lift off the ground at any moment - Fezco took advantage and licked into her mouth, letting her adjust to the new sensation. She hummed, bravely letting her tongue mimic the same slow slide of Fezco’s. He shivered, knees feeling weak.
Of course her smart ass would be a quick learner at this, too.
Fezco tilted his head, deepening the kiss. He wanted it to go on forever, long enough to imprint on his memory, exact enough to recall each detail perfectly. He knew that as soon as Lexi left, he would be jerking off to the taste of her lingering on his lips, the feel of her in his arms. She leaned into him, making a soft sound of pleasure that went straight to his cock. Jesus, she was going to kill him. Actually, literally kill him.
Suddenly, he felt her fingertip running over his scar, her nails raking against his buzzed hair and scalp, and Fezco pulled back with a gasp. He was hard, and she was pressing against him so tightly - he blushed and prayed she hadn’t noticed.
Lexi looked dazed, hands hanging limp at her sides. She blinked at him, slowly. “Wow, Fezco. You’re a really good kisser.” She raised a hand, fingertips resting against her shiny pink mouth. Why did she have to be so adorable? Why , when he had a snowflake’s chance in hell of ever being with her?
Lexi didn’t think of him like that. Fezco had known that, but having it confirmed - having kissed her, and she wasn’t having one of those romcom moments where she realized her true feelings at long last - was like a blade straight through his heart.
“How would you know?” Fezco snapped, flopping into the computer chair, hunching over the desk to hide the bulge in his jeans.
“Well, if everybody kissed like that, I doubt anything would ever get done,” Lexi murmured. “People would just be making out all day, every day.”
Part of him wanted to puff up with pride. A larger part wanted to drag her into his lap and continue, until she realized that it wasn’t that Fezco was a good kisser, it was that he was meant to be kissing her.
“So? You happy now?” Fezco asked, prickling with annoyance and arousal.
“Yes. Thank you, Fezco.” She surprised him, crossing the room to press a kiss to his cheek, before slipping back out the door as if she hadn’t just completely messed up his whole life