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Ooh, I'm breaking down. Whispers would deafen me now. You don't make a sound. Heartbreak was never so loud.
One day, months beforehand, Mary asked her if she believed in soulmates.
Her answer was 'no'. Nothing more, nothing less.
Not for a lack of trying, or even just wanting to. Because, believe her, she desperately wanted to and boy, had she tried. But odds had a nack for not being in her favor routinely.
She wasn't born a cynic. She had been raised that way.
Maybe if Angelique had stayed any of the 3567 times they had started something, she would have believed in soulmates.
Maybe if her biological mother hadn't abandoned her, and then her real mom hadn't been ripped from her cold, bloody fingers, she would have believed in soulmates.
Maybe if the first time she met her, handcuffs and two-way mirrors hadn't been involved, she would have believed in soulmates.
And maybe, just maybe, if she had sucked it up. Been a goddamn big girl for once and finally went for something, someone, she wanted, Ryan Wilder would have believed in soulmates.
I.
"I didn't exactly go home last night."
There's water rushing past her ears. She doesn't remember being dunked in water. She's not being waterboarded. Tortured. But, it sure as hell feels like it.
Maybe... Ryan Wilder is drowning.
Yeah. That's gotta be it. Why else would her cheeks be wet and her vision be swimming and her hands be shaking and her knees, too weak to hold herself up?
She surely wasn't crying. There would be no reason for that. There would be no reason to cry over a woman who she forced to take matters into her own hands.
There would be no reason to cry over something that was clearly her fault.
Those words ring in her ears like an elementary school fire alarm. Obnoxiously loud, and always unnerving.
It's all so incredibly loud.
Turns out, she wasn't drowning. But it sure did feel like she just might be dying nonetheless. Her tears are evidence enough.
Dramatic? Most definitely, but that was how she felt. She felt like a star, that finally used up it's last flickers after some odd billion years. And, that made sense because she was pretty sure Sophie Moore was the moon.
And at what point did the Gods take pity on you!? At what point do you become so absolutely, patheticly in love that someone has to notice?
Surely, Eros and Aphrodite and Freyja and Cupid and Venus and...well she doesn't know anymore, they couldn't be busy all at once. They were Gods for fuck sake.
Did she need to make another sacrifice? Wasn't Wayne Enterprises enough? Her mothers? Her brother? Angelique? 18 months of her freedom? Her own damn heart?
The heart she had cloched on a silver platter. The heart she ripped out of her chest to hide away from Sophie. The heart that Sophie didn't bother uncovering when she was this close to presenting it to her because it had lost it's warmth and was no longer beating. The heart Sophie somehow managed to steal anyway when Ryan took her eyes off of it for exactly 3 seconds.
II.
”It was Renee...”
She wasn't asking. She knew. The thought bounced around her brain like a basketball. Heavy thuds and airy swooshes.
It's all so incredibly loud.
Did Sophie even care?
Better question; Did Sophie even know?
Did Sophie even know that Ryan had seemed to misplace her heart, and that it had melded itself to Sophie like a starving leech?
Was that what it was like to be in love? Was that what it was like to have a soulmate?
How could anyone want to put themselves through that?
III.
”I'm sorry...”
The apology floated through her head like leaves on an autumn wind. Crisp and abrupt.
It's all so incredibly loud.
Ryan tried hard not to be simple. She tried even harder not to be easy. Sophie Moore made both of those things even more difficult than they needed to be.
When the moon smiled at her, who was she to dim her flicker in response?
But those moments were fleeting.
She still hadn't figured out where Sophie was keeping her heart hostage, maybe next to her own for safe keeping, but she did know that she was still angry. No. Hurt. And she probably would be for a while.
Though, she is realizing that maybe this is all a bit too hypocritical. And maybe she should lay off the pettiness and drama slightly. Only slightly.
IV.
”Maybe that'll get you out of your head."
The-whatever the hell that was- caressed her lips like...well...a kiss. Soft and hard and burning and cooling and oh God... she's losing it...she never really had it.
It's all so incredibly...incredibly...
There was no way in hell Sophie thought that would work. She couldn't possibly.
However, with Sophie so close, she finally got a glimpse of that pesky heart that had been taken from her. She was right. Sophie had been keeping it next to hers for safe keeping. Which was good, because clearly Ryan couldn't be trusted with it.
Her star is flickering again. The moon looks proud of herself.
Once upon a time, Ryan felt like she was drowning. She still did actually. But, now? Now, she enjoyed the feeling of sinking.
V.
"I won't push."
The admission slipped passed her teeth like a child sneaking a treat from the cookie jar. Softly, but she had never meant anything more in her entire life.
Super silence in the quiet.
Sophie Moore did not need to push. Not anymore than she already had anyway.
Ryan had gotten used to being without her heart. She trusted Sophie with it. She trusted Sophie with it.
The final piece of the puzzle it seemed. The Gods had finally noticed her arms flailing about, the giant SOS she had made of leftover bottles from The Hold Up, and the gaping wound in the middle of her chest.
Just in time, because she was flat out of things to sacrifice and she was seconds away from completely losing her mind.
She wasn't even hurt anymore. Her wounds had healed. Her light no longer flickered.
Because Ryan Wilder had plenty of time to think. She had plenty of time to think about what it was that she wanted. Only because Sophie had asked her in no uncertain terms.
She had plenty of times to think about what is was that she wanted and how she was going to get it.
She was going to do things she should have done weeks ago. Things that, in hindsight, would have prevented all of this. But who was she if she didn't make her own life just a tad bit difficult.
Mary asked her if she believed in soulmates. She said 'no'. Plain and simple.
Except, it wasn't plain nor simple.
Sophie Moore had tried to change her mind four times before Ryan finally met her in the middle.
There wasn't any use to keeping someone at arm's length who did not want to be and made that very clear. So, Ryan stopped trying, and if the way Sophie is looking at her right now is any indication, it's the best decision she's ever made since putting on the Batsuit.
If Mary asked her again, she would say yes 1 million times. And she wouldn't change a single aspect of her path to get to that conclusion.
If Sophie Moore was the moon, then Ryan Wilder couldn't be just some random star. She must be the sun. Bright and all encompassing and much, much closer to the moon.
"You don't have to."
You don't make a sound. It's all so incredibly loud. It's all so incredibly loud.