Chapter Text
Late nights like this, with all four comrades sitting together and drinking, talking and joking to their hearts' content are rare. Not because they don't get along, but simply because Rainbow's schedule doesn't usually leave much free time. Early mornings and feverish training, honing their skills so they'll be able to face any threat and survive, that's what tends to fill their days, sometimes even the nights too. Therefore, these warm moments of camaraderie burn even brighter whenever they can get one.
Kapkan is at ease, lounging on his chair while Tachanka tells them some wild story about his first real deployment. It's surprising how he feels as if he's known his comrades all his life, when that's blatantly untrue. However, Kapkan is unable to imagine his life at Rainbow without them… Even his personal life, in all honesty. These three are the only friends he's shown his little hunting cabin. He met Tachanka's kids and ex-wife. He visited Glaz's hometown and got a tour from the sniper. They all met Fuze's babushka at the airport, and sent her a letter or two after the woman decided to adopt little Shu's friends to spoil them rotten with homemade sweets. For someone reluctant to form attachments, Kapkan is deeply attached to them all, and he wouldn't change it for anything in the world. But perhaps that is vodka talking.
A contemplative silence has fallen over them, and Kapkan realises he missed the punchline of Tachanka's anecdote. Although, seeing how quiet everyone is, maybe it was one of the depressing stories. You can never know with him. At least it's not an uncomfortable silence, he muses while Glaz refills everyone's glasses. They all down their shots at the same time, and it's between the clinking sounds of glass hitting the table that Fuze, of all people, breaks the quiet and peace.
"Have you ever had sex with a man?"
The question makes Kapkan cough, choking on thin air from the shock of Fuze bringing up this particular issue. It is a sign of the Uzbek being more inebriated than Kapkan thought he was, for sure. The other two are looking at Fuze like he grew a second head, Tachanka in amusement and the sniper with a frown. Nobody answers, at least not right away. Kapkan wants to reply with a dry "what are you, the police?" but then he remembers that yeah, technically they all are the police. Fuck.
"Any reason you are asking, Shuhrat?" Glaz says, voice so carefully bland that he might as well be screaming guilty as charged. Or maybe Kapkan is projecting, that's also a possibility.
After a beat of silence, Fuze finds the courage to reframe his question. "Hypothetically, if you had a partner who suggested a Valentine's date in a very nice hotel, but you had never… if you didn't…"
Tachanka helps him out of this hypothetical hole Fuze dug himself in, with all the tact Tachanka always has: none at all. "Are you asking us for advice on how to fuck your boyfriend? Or on what to expect if you are the one fucked?"
The silence and Fuze's panicked expression are damning, and Kapkan feels the urge to drink more. What's worse, he has a nagging curiosity about who Fuze is dating, mentally keeping a tally of what operators are likely candidates. In the meantime, Tachanka keeps waiting for an answer that will never come. None of them is reckless enough to openly admit anything, and the Uzbek has already said more than he ever intended, most probably. That's what makes the conversation so awkward, admitting certain preferences could ruin their careers if the Spetsnaz command knew. Kapkan trusts his teammates all with his life, but there are things he will keep shut about. The idea that he's not the only one in the team with these inclinations is surprising but not unwelcome.
Glaz breaks the enduring, awkward silence with a small cough. "Well, you remember I told you about my friend from the Chinese army? The one I met during the cross-border exercises at the academy?" They all turn to stare at him, wondering where this is going, and the sniper looks oddly grim. "We were fuck-buddies, to be accurate. And it was really good. I was his first but he never… what I'm trying to say is that he enjoyed getting fucked. A lot. And you and your date should be fine as long as one of you knows what you're doing."
Ha, he knew it! Kapkan knew he hadn't been projecting nor wishful thinking, Glaz is into men too! The sniper is brave, admitting to such dalliance. A little reckless, maybe, but certainly brave. Three of them in the same team, what are the chances… Kapkan refills his glass to avoid giving away his unexpected glee, wanting to keep his impassive image.
"Who knew you were such a Romeo, Timur!" Tachanka laughs and slaps Glaz's shoulder, and although it is teasing, it's friendly and instead of mean-spirited. He then turns to Fuze. "Have some lube and patience, that's the most important. Remember that and it will be fine."
At this point Kapkan can't control his scowl anymore, lowkey angry that they're stoking Fuze's hopes like that. "And what would you know? Fucking your wife isn't the same as fucking a man."
"Man or woman, the logistics of anal are the same," Tachanka shrugs, before pinning him down with a smirk. "Besides, who is to say I never bent down a comrade? Shower rooms are perfect for that, we're both naked already, and there's all the water noise to hide their moans."
Kapkan can't tell if Tachanka is being serious or just fucking with him. He's inclined to say he's not joking, but the hunter has trouble collecting his thoughts after Tachanka dropped that bomb. Unfortunately for him, his teammates seem to find his shock more surprising than Tachanka's revelation, and he feels his face heat up under their collective staring.
"What about you, Max?" Of course it's Glaz who asks, he always notices more than he should. "You were so quiet until now, do you have any advice for Shuhrat?"
"Yeah, have you had a tumble with a fellow soldier? Or are you a virgin in that regard?"
It's Tachanka's comment that pushes him to answer, instead of ignoring the question as he originally intended.
"Fuck you," Kapkan hisses, finishing his glass in one go before turning to look at Fuze. "And yes, my advice is to stick to blowjobs and handjobs. Penetration isn't worth it."
"Now, now-"
"Isn't that a bit-"
"No, it's not." Kapkan cuts off both of them, not giving them the chance to keep protesting. Fuze needs to hear the truth. "For the amount of preparation it needs it's not fucking worth it. It hurts and it's unsatisfying. If you're curious about how it feels, get a toy, you'll be happier with the results."
He is keenly aware that they’re all staring at him. Fuze is frowning, no doubt pondering about what Kapkan just said, but Tachanka looks almost offended, and Glaz regards him with something too similar to worry.
“Max, no,” the sniper says. “It’s not supposed to be like that.”
“What kind of idiots have you been fucking?” Tachanka chimes in, and it’s too much. He can’t handle their pity, not right now.
Kapkan scoffs at them and crosses his arms. “Well, of course it feels great to you if you’re the one sticking it in, but your poor partners-”
“My poor partners are usually the ones asking me for more,” Glaz says, and although he sounds cutting, he is looking at him way too gently. It’s making Kapkan feel something strange in his stomach every time Glaz gazes at him like that. “I’m not saying everyone loves being on the receiving end, but it still shouldn’t be painful. And from what I’ve seen, plenty of guys find it very satisfying.”
“There’s no better sound than making your partner moan while you have sex,” Tachanka adds. “Not fake moans, or pained ones. I’m talking about the true, unrestrained noises of pleasure while you fuck them stupid.”
All this posturing and bragging is driving Kapkan mad. They paint scenarios that made his heart beat faster even though he knows it’s nothing like his experience. He knows better than to fall for it, though. Maybe the problem is him: while sex with men is a vast improvement in comparison to the times he had a girlfriend, he still doesn’t understand how some people can talk about being fucked like it’s some blissful experience, he only ever found disappointment in it... He’s so lost in his thoughts he startles when Fuze finally decides to give his input on the issue.
“You could sleep with one of them, test if they’re exaggerating or not.” He can't be serious, can he? This has to be a rare display of Fuze's sense of humor, and Kapkan doesn't find it to his liking.
“Shut your mouth," the hunter growls, displeased by the notion Fuze might be mocking him.
Unfortunately, Tachanka seems to think it's a grand idea, and he slaps his hand on the table in his excitement. "It's always good to help a comrade in need, right, Max? Ah, I knew the first time I met you I'd get in your pants."
Kapkan tightens his hold on the glass, grinding his teeth and feeling too drunk and moody to handle this. He's embarrassed, and angry, and a bit flustered that Tachanka apparently wants to get in his pants. But mostly he's out of his depth and in a position he hates: showing some private and vulnerable side of himself.
"You're not the only option here, Sasha," Glaz says, slurring the words a little yet sounding offended. "I can also help him out and show him a good time."
They look at him, as if expecting his opinion, and then Fuze goes and opens his big, fat mouth again. "This is not a competition, is it? Unless Maxim wants to take both your offers and compare."
This is not happening. It just can't be. Fuze's comment is being taken seriously, and Kapkan feels the urge to punch him for his dumb ideas. He manages to keep his temper in check, though, for the most part.
"Enough." The glass in his hand shatters when he forcefully sets it back on the table. Kapkan ignores the cuts in his palm as he glares at his teammates. "You had your laugh at my expense, now shut the fuck up. I'm not following the drunken advice of any of you idiots. And if you ever think about bringing this up again, I’ll knock your teeth out, got it?"
Calmly, he grabs a paper tissue and presses it against the cut on his palm before getting up and leaving the table. He is done with this, and Kapkan decides that going to bed is the best decision right now. He doesn’t purposefully slam the door of the bedroom, it just slips from his grasp, but he can’t deny certain satisfaction at the loud sound. Kapkan is stewing in anger, but the longer he thinks about it, more of his anger turns into shame.
He is ashamed of what he revealed about himself. He is ashamed of how flustered he got thinking about their stupid offer. But mostly he is ashamed of how he dreads they will treat him differently now, that they will stop respecting him. It's hard to fall asleep when your mind won't stop mulling over what happened, but eventually Kapkan gets a restless, and thankfully dreamless, sleep.
Next morning he is full of nervous anticipation when he shows up for breakfast, twitchy and ready to jump at the slightest hint of a perceived provocation. However, all of his comrades look slightly hungover and very willing to eat in silence. At least, as much silence as it can be achieved at the mess hall. None of them stares at him funny, nor makes any suspicious remark. Fuze's silly idea is finally forgotten, and Kapkan can now breathe easier.
The only way any of them acknowledges last night's events is when Glaz jokes that maybe Kapkan's palm cut will work to his advantage during hand to hand combat training. Kapkan smirks when letting Glaz know he'll go easy on him. He's feeling magnanimous today.
Nothing changed, and that's exactly what he wanted.
The closer they are to Valentine's Day, the more obsessed people are about planning hook-ups and dates, even if it’s still more than a week early. His closest friends outside the Spetsnaz are no different.
While Bandit swears he hates Valentine's day, he's still making plans to go have a drink with Jäger… and whatever else may come up. Kapkan isn't sure if Bandit’s talking about finding a date in the bar, or about the other German. On his end, Thermite is oddly tight-lipped about his plans, although he insists he'll be busy. Kapkan adds him to the mental tally he keeps of who could be Fuze's mysterious date. So far, it's a pretty long list, and it doesn't help that nearly everyone seems to have plans for a raunchy night.
Perhaps it's because of this that he keeps thinking on that ridiculous idea, the one about having sex with one of his comrades. Or maybe it's because it's been ages since he last had a date, but suddenly the idea of being intimate with someone, and finding out if they were right about their bragging, sounds very appealing to Kapkan. Even more because it would be with someone he knows and trusts, instead of a virtual stranger like the last time…
He comes back to his senses a few seconds later, reminding himself of why it's a terrible idea: first of all, it goes against the rules - although that never stopped anyone. Second, it was an idea born of the alcohol, and whether it goes right or wrong it will irreparably change his relationship with that person. Having needs is not a good reason to mix work and friendship with sex. That never ends well, does it? He'll rather keep the relationship as it is.
However, the idea comes back to him in the middle of the night, when he’s unable to sleep. He knows it’s possible to have a good time with toys, so maybe they are right, maybe with a more attentive partner he’ll really enjoy bottoming? Even if it’s just half as good as it is with a toy, he’ll be more than satisfied, truly. It will be an improvement, and toys can’t hold him down and kiss him, so overall it will be… a terrible idea, Kapkan reminds himself. It’s a bad idea, end of the story! He has to stop thinking about it, nothing good will come of it.
Kapkan succeeds in keeping his mind away from it for almost two days, then he catches himself ruminating on which of his two teammates would be the better choice.
It’s a purely theoretical exercise, he wouldn’t go through it, no. But he’s still curious to know which of them he’d pick. And it’s trickier than he anticipated. He trusts both of them with his life, and with his secret now. They both have shown to be dependable, and to respect Kapkan, something for which he is infinitely relieved. So, in this regard they’re tied. The problem is, they seem rather tied in other regards too. He finds both of them attractive, and both seem to have experience… although Kapkan isn’t sure how much of Tachanka’s experience is based around whatever he got up to with his wife. On the other hand, Glaz specifically mentioned having a man as his fuck buddy, right? So there’s his answer, the sniper seems like he would be the best logical choice. Hypothetically speaking, of course.
Now that he has an answer to his theoretical question, he can finally focus on other things, right? It’s not like he’s going to obsess about this possible scenario, he can control himself.