Chapter Text
Mo Ran is certain that Chu Wanning is the most difficult patient he has ever had in his office, and also the most beautiful one.
"Thank you for coming, Chu-xiansheng. Tell me, how was your week? How was everything at work?" Mo Ran speaks with a calm voice after greeting him. He gives Chu Wanning the space to initiate the conversation during their first session, but he’s disappointed when he only receives silence in return.
Chu Wanning sits on the couch in front of him. As usual, he’s wearing a white blazer and black trousers that do not fit him well, small hands curled up on his lap while he gets ready to give curt answers if Mo Ran attempts to get too personal in his questions. Mo Ran won’t though, because he’s learned how to deal with Chu Wanning’s personality by now.
The best thing about the nature of their relationship is that Mo Ran can observe him closely for an entire hour without looking like a creep. Every time Chu Wanning sits on this couch, Mo Ran relishes on focusing his entire attention on Chu Wanning’s sword-like eyebrows and phoenix eyes, sharp cheeks, hands that are smaller and more delicate than his, lips that must feel so soft when you kiss them…
This is the fourth week in a row of seeing each other in their appointments, which is about the same amount of time that Mo Ran's dreams have been haunted by a delicate body with a slender, yet strong waist becoming pliant under Mo Ran's touch. His thoughts begin to wander at the thought of thin lips all red and plump from getting kissed and bitten and a usually stern face breaking into an expression of blissful pleasure after Mo Ran thrusts insi-
Stop, Mo Ran, focus, don't fantasize about patients! Especially not when they are sitting right in front of you!
The patient in question brings Mo Ran back to the present with indignation in his voice. “My week at work was as routinary and busy as always, why do you make me answer these meaningless questions in every session?"
Being used to this reaction by now, Mo Ran simply takes a deep breath. "Chu-xiansheng, I understand you don't find our meetings to be useful or valuable, but you haven't shared many details with me. I need to know more information so we can create an actual plan for your treatment that fits your needs. Since you don't want to talk about anything else, this is the best place to start." Mo Ran stares at Chu Wanning with gentle eyes and finishes "If we want to make this hour count, you have to cooperate."
"I don't think seeing you is useless, " Chu Wanning blurts out in response, getting Mo Ran to throw a bright, dimpled smile at him. Chu Wanning’s cheeks tint with a cherry red blush that Mo Ran finds utterly adorable, and then clears his throat as if realizing the implication of his words "I want this treatment to work too, I came here because of your uncle's suggestion after all. I am just bad at small talk, and I fail to understand how sharing more details about my work when you already know what it is about would be helpful for our session, " the “I don’t want to bore you” is left unsaid, but Mo Ran hears it all the same, and he feels a bit of satisfaction at the knowledge that he can read Chu Wanning so well now.
This isn't the only important detail though, because Chu Wanning just admitted he is aware of his social limitations.
Good, they can work with this, Mo Ran supposes, and since he is excellent at his job, he understands he can't act rashly when it comes to a patient like Chu Wanning. After all, it’s taken him four entire sessions to get this far.
Mo Ran settles for not discussing it directly yet, and continues with their current argument instead. "I see Chu-xiansheng, let me explain then. I'd like to know more about what happens during your regular days because that way we can identify what are the potential areas in your life that need improvement or additional support. Humans aren't perfect, but we all have details to improve, and being aware of what said things are is the first step of the process"
Chu Wanning's brow furrows, seemingly assessing the current situation (which is a gesture Mo Ran shouldn't find so endearing) until he finally replies. "It’s been a busy week, I had to complete over 15 tasks daily because we had an important presentation on Friday, and perfecting every detail was a need. Since your uncle doesn't allow me to stay at the office, I kept working from home, and I only slept four hours at night. I think I fell asleep during my shift once too."
Mo Ran doesn't like hearing that Chu Wanning isn't resting properly while working for such strenuous hours at all, and he can’t help but wonder if he even gave himself time to eat. Given how flat Chu Wanning voice had been when he described a life in which balance was a foreign concept, Mo Ran doubts it, and is instantly worried.
Even if Chu Wanning’s ultimate goal from their session is learning how to take distance from work, Mo Ran also doesn’t wish to see Chu Wanning neglecting himself if he can do something about it. If Chu Wanning isn't in a good place, he needs to know.
"That doesn't sound ideal Chu-xiansheng, good sleep habits are crucial for having a fully functional and balanced body and mind but well, let's talk about food which is fuel for your system too, how many meals did you have every day?"
Chu Wanning blinks in confusion, like a cat observing a curious object. He doesn’t seem like he’s used to people asking him these kinds of things "...I honestly don't remember, I didn't think much about food because of how busy I was, so I ate whatever was convenient, and skipped meals if I didn't feel hungry, why does this matter?"
Whenever a patient says something like this, Mo Ran can tell they have a complete disregard for their well-being...and he isn’t happy knowing Chu Wanning is that kind of patient precisely. He has to do something about it. And fast.
“It matters, Chu-xiansheng, because a combination of good rest, healthy meals, and exercise is the key to a better lifestyle. You’ll feel more energized for doing other activities, your focus at work might increase and your immune system will improve, which means you’ll get sick less often.” Someone who isn’t used to taking care of themselves at all would feel overwhelmed with that number of habits to change, so Mo Ran opts to suggest taking baby steps for Chu Wanning’s case. “Still, such changes shouldn’t be sudden because we want them to be sustainable. For now, I will only send you a list of ideas for meals you can prepare this week! Nothing too fancy or complicated, but nutritious enough to ensure you won’t collapse in your office again.”
“Mo Ran, you don’t have to-”
“Oh, but I do Chu-xiansheng. My job here is to help you, and I have the tools and knowledge for doing it well. By working on these habits, you’ll feel more motivated to try other kinds of activities after work. You just have to trust me and follow my advice, it’ll be alright,”
At this, Chu Wanning stiff shoulders relax and he smiles a little “Okay, thank you, Mo Ran”
Ah, Mo Ran thinks, he would do anything to ensure he keeps directing this smile to him only.
Before meeting Chu Wanning, Mo Ran was certainly not the kind of psychologist who would harbor inappropriate thoughts about his clients.
He was truly committed to helping others through his profession, so he believed that taking advantage of people in vulnerable states who trusted him enough to reach out to him for assistance was wrong.
Besides, Mo Ran never had to resort to questionable, borderline illegal methods to satisfy his sexual needs. Mo Ran was aware that he has a good physique and nice personality, and thanks to this, he had his fair share of fun in the past. He might not have done hookups anymore, but he could get action through a simple call if he wanted.
But life worked mysteriously, Mo Ran supposed, because he’d still ended up with the biggest crush (and boner) for the client that attended therapy every Thursday at five pm.
In Mo Ran’s defense though, he couldn’t have predicted things were going to end up like this for him, because their opening session had been strange, to say the least.
When Chu Wanning had entered his office for the first time, Mo Ran was in awe, because he couldn’t entirely process that such an ethereal, stunning person existed, let alone that he was in his office asking for assistance. His composed attitude and impassive face screamed that he wanted to be perceived as unattainable, but that didn’t intimidate Mo Ran—on the contrary, that made his presence more alluring. Mo Ran couldn’t wait for the treatment to start so he could get to understand Chu Wanning better.
Chu Wanning hadn’t shared the same feelings as Mo Ran, apparently, because when he’d asked him why he came to Mo Ran’s office that day, his demeanor had changed. He hadn’t looked nervous, excited, or curious to be there, but rather angry at being put in this situation by Mo Ran’s uncle, who was also Chu Wanning boss.
According to himself, Chu Wanning knew his limits and mind, he was convinced he wasn’t the kind of person who needed something like therapy, but he still owed Xue Zhengyong for his kindness and patience, which is the reason he’d reluctantly accepted to be at Mo Ran’s office that afternoon.
After this, Chu Wanning had stated he didn’t have any wishes to talk about his past or traumatic events because he didn’t feel comfortable discussing that with a stranger. However, since Mo Ran was there anyway, he figured he could use some tips for knowing how to distance himself from work after the shift was over because his boss wouldn’t allow him to do more than three hours of overtime at the office from there on forward.
Mo Ran never had a client with such specific rules before. The limitations he put in made it difficult for Mo Ran to even try to ask Chu Wanning about his emotions, let alone get a diagnosis, but there was always the possibility Chu Wanning would stop considering him a stranger at some point and decide to share more details about his life. Mo Ran's talent was reading people and situations, so he understood his best shot here was to accept Chu Wanning’s conditions and follow his pace.
A dark corner of Mo Ran's mind, however, wondered if he could get this stern, cold, beauty to warm up around him and show a side of himself he never allowed anyone else to see. Mo Ran had nearly dropped his pen at how unexpected, and wrong these ideas were.
That had been the first time Mo Ran tried to do small talk and asked Chu Wanning about his work, getting a curt "routinary and eventful" response, along with a glare (and God, he looked hot when he did that) that intended to inform Mo Ran the conversation couldn't continue through that path.
It was the best Mo Ran could get in the first session, but at least it was some progress. They’d still had 45 minutes left, and Mo Ran had been on a mission to get Chu Wanning to trust him more.
In order to achieve this, Mo Ran had taken over the conversation, and instead of asking Chu Wanning to talk about general feelings surrounding his workplace, he’d proceeded to discuss how he found the labor of everyone who worked at his uncle's company very valuable, as he thought offering affordable prosthetics of good quality to the masses instead of pursuing profit only was a nice thing to see for a change.
This had grasped Chu Wanning's attention, and he’d gained the confidence to discuss his current project at Sisheng, which as it turned out, was related to getting financial support from the government so they could give their products for free to disabled people in unfavorable economic situations. He’d been working harder than ever because he wanted this project to succeed. The passion that Chu Wanning transmitted with his words had captivated Mo Ran because he felt the same about his job—helping others is what inspired him to keep going.
The admiration had only increased when Mo Ran praised Chu Wanning for his commitment and got a simple "Don't be ridiculous, it is just the right thing to do." as a reply.
Chu Wanning, if only everyone could think like you do, I can assure you this world would be a better place.
After their appointment, Mo Ran was itching to get more details on Chu Wanning from his uncle, but he had stopped himself from doing so because he’d realized how unprofessional and invasive that would have been.
The urge to know more hadn’t gone away though. No matter how hard Mo Ran tried to ignore it, the urge came back every time, even to the point where Mo Ran had resorted to looking for Chu Wanning's social media because hey, it's not like his patient had been open with him to begin with, so he was using all the available resources to support him! He was just being a good therapist!
Of course, Chu Wanning’s social media profiles had been impersonal—no selfies or updates about his life could be found. He only had four friends in total, and Mo Ran recognized all of the names instantly: Xue Zhengyong, Xue Meng, Wang Chuqing, and his rich, annoying cousin Nangong Si.
Mo Ran could deduce from this search that Chu Wanning had a very limited circle of friends, and it certainly explained his reluctance to connect with Mo Ran during their session.
With this, Mo Ran was sure the unusual interest he felt towards Chu Wanning would fade away. Physical attraction was a fleeting thing, and they were supposed to have a strict patient/therapist relationship, Mo Ran wouldn't allow it to get to his head. He’d reminded himself that he’d been trained to remain neutral whenever his patients shared the most tragic of situations and that he was perfectly capable of acting professionally here.
Or so he thought, because all of these thoughts had died as soon as Chu Wanning stepped into his office again, wearing the same outfit as the week before, and also the ethereal aura that seemed to be inherent to him.
Without many options in his book, Mo Ran had resorted to the same method again and asked what progress Chu Wanning had made that week with the project.
"Why? Do you still care about that?" Chu Wanning asked, and Mo Ran said his interest in the topic was genuine, but if he preferred to ask Mo Ran for advice on anything, that could do too.
Chu Wanning had vehemently refused to ask for advice, instead choosing to dive into a long rant on the current state of their prototypes, and had even answered all of the questions Mo Ran asked him.
Even if Mo Ran didn't understand the technical details entirely, he’d just been happy to observe Chu Wanning and let him talk. Mo Ran's heart fluttered with excitement because Chu Wanning's attention had been fixated on him during the entire session.
He’d still felt like he was in a giddy daydream 10 minutes after Chu Wanning was gone until the receptionist had entered his office without warning and asked "Dr. Mo Ran, is it a good time?"
"Yes, it's fine! Did something bad happen?"
"Ummm, not really, I just wanted to thank you for leaving this box of blueberry shortcakes on my desk!"
This had startled Mo Ran "Uh? You know I appreciate you lots, but I don't like to take credit for things I didn't do. I'm afraid it wasn't me who brought you that, I didn't even know you liked these!"
She frowned while staring at the box in her hands "Oh, really? Who could it have been then? Let me think…ah, yes last week when your patient from Thursdays at five was waiting for the appointment, I was talking with my husband over the phone and I told him I had cravings for shortcakes now that I'm pregnant. If it was him, then it was a nice gesture because we have barely spoken, "
Mo Ran was dumbfounded then, just how Chu Wanning could be so…good and kind?
Mo Ran's heart skipped a beat, replying to the receptionist with a soft voice "Yes, that's the kind of person he is"
That night, the dreams had started.
Mo Ran wasn't stupid, he’d studied this, he knew exactly what all of that meant...but he was still in denial. They’d just met last week, such an insubstantial period of time surely wouldn't have been enough for a crush to develop.
No, this was just Mo Ran letting his horny brain lead the way and once he was able to find a way to control it, it’d all be fine because if anything, he could always find a hookup to tame the beast inside of him for a little while.
Mo Ran thought that while he might have been reckless and irresponsible in the past, he’d grown out of it. He was a professional with morals now, he would get over it.
However, when Chu Wanning arrived the next week wearing glasses and a sleek ponytail that begged to be pulled, Mo Ran had once again felt the feral need to push him against the wall and fuck him senseless, morals be damned. It’d taken a lot of effort to disregard this thought that day, and Mo Ran had finally begun to sense that perhaps he was in trouble.
And when Chu Wanning's pretty phoenix eyes sparkled as he spoke about the kids who might benefit from the project if everything went well, Mo Ran felt the need to embrace Chu Wanning, and thank him for being such a wonderful human being in a world that was cruel and cold. Mo Ran had accepted he was positively fucked then.
After that, he hadn’t been so confident in denying that what he felt for his patient was a crush anymore. Especially since the feelings only seemed to grow the more they talked to each other.
He’d thought for a while that maybe he really needed to get laid to see if it helped, because if his observations were correct (please, universe, Mo Ran had begged, let me be wrong here), he would not be getting over his inappropriate infatuation towards Chu Wanning anytime soon.
Mo Ran shakes the memories off, bringing himself back to their current session..
"How have you been lately, Chu-xiansheng? How did the meal preparation assignment go?" Mo Ran asks.
Chu Wanning is once again on the couch, fidgeting with the hem of the worn-out sweater that he is wearing instead of his shirt and blazer for a change. He’s decidedly not staring at him, and Mo Ran thinks he knows exactly what he is trying to hide with his silence.
The idea of Chu Wanning not being well fed frustrates Mo Ran to no end because who hurt Chu Wanning in this way? Who made him think he doesn’t deserve to have his basic needs met? Chu Wanning has never wanted to discuss his childhood, but given his general distrust towards others and lack of self-preservation habits, Mo Ran thinks it’s very likely Chu Wanning has been neglected since he was a child. The mere possibility of this enrages Mo Ran in a way that never happened with other patients who displayed similar behaviors before.
Without being able to keep these emotions away, Mo Ran consequently asks in a more stern voice than usual "Wanning, did you eat well this week? Did you have your three full meals during any day of the week at all?"
Oh no, he was been so upset about Chu Wanning's complete inability to take care of himself he fucked up. Mo Ran didn't mean to address Chu Wanning in such a casual, personal way, that was an accident! And yet before he could dwell on it any further Chu Wanning answered with honesty, his reaction to Mo Ran's tone immediate.
So obedient, how interesting... the wolf at the back of his mind, who has been perceiving Chu Wanning as potential prey, adds, and not for the first time ever since they met. Something deep within Mo Ran can’t help but stir at the revelation of just how…responsive…Chu Wanning is to his commanding tone.
"I…I am not good at cooking. I attempted to follow the congee recipe you sent me but it ended up getting burnt and I also added more salt than necessary. It really couldn't be eaten, so I gave up after the first try. I'm sorry." his voice drops at the last sentence, and witnessing this inspires a primal need in Mo Ran to devote his existence to protecting Chu Wanning always.
Still, this situation surely demands an intervention, because Mo Ran doesn't want it to happen again "I understand Chu-xiansheng, but you shouldn't feel nervous when you talk about the stepbacks in your process, having them is natural because we're all human, and prone to error. I'm not judging you for this, not everyone knows how to cook. We are all in the process of learning how to live well, please don't be so harsh on yourself"
With this, Chu Wanning's posture relaxes and he doesn't stare at the floor anymore. He still looks wary and nervous but suddenly gives his full attention to Mo Ran.
Mo Ran notices that his ears have reddened ever since the moment Mo Ran called him "Wanning''.
Faintly, Mo Ran wonders if that pretty blush extends to the rest of his body too, and this, unfortunately, leads him to picture Chu Wanning on the couch naked and flushed beneath Mo Ran, hands tied up above his head in case he wants to escape. With such a heavenly picture, Mo Ran doesn’t think he can resist the temptation of biting his neck, of wanting to see red marks blooming on that porcelain-like skin...
He has to stop there—he can’t continue with that train of ideas because he can’t keep fueling the fire in his chest when he knows there is no possibility of doing these things to Chu Wanning outside of his fantasies.
Mo Ran is a licensed psychologist who graduated with honors from his Master’s Degree, which means that he knows better than to crush on one of his patients! He knows enough about the human brain to not make decisions with his stupid dick, thank you very much! So he forces himself to keep going, taming the hunger he feels when he’s around Chu Wanning.
He tries to focus on the issue at hand again. "Still, this pushes us to think about other strategies that might help us to achieve this goal. You live on your own, correct? Is there anyone who can help you with the cooking and you can pay them for it? Any friend or colleague at work?"
Mo Ran's suggestion infuriates Chu Wanning. "What kind of question is that? Of course, there isn't anyone who would...cook for me! And I don't need it, I can take care of myself! I will just keep purchasing TV dinners, pre-cooked meals, or find a restaurant, you don't have to worry so much about this.”
Mo Ran is aware that what he is about to do is a breach of professional conduct around clients, but he simply cannot allow Chu Wanning to either starve or keep poisoning himself with unhealthy food—not when he is more than aware Chu Wanning doesn't find his existence valuable enough to follow up on this promise. If it’s for Chu Wanning's well-being sake and no one finds out it'll be okay, right?
That is the lie he tells himself, at least, since another possessive, obsessive side of him feels very satisfied knowing he is the only one who can take care of Chu Wanning in that way.
Well, it is now or never "Chu-xiansheng, I have an idea. You work at my uncle's company, Sisheng Peak Inc. The location is relatively close to this office. Cooking is one of the things I enjoy doing the most, and I prepare more food than what I need because I live on my own. Maybe I could bring you meals in containers every morning…That way, you don't have to think about food at all, you can just eat without leaving the office if you want." He says trying not to sound too excited.
"Mo Ran, I'm not sure…"
"I’m good at what I do, trust me on this one, Wanning. I can even bring desserts for you to try as well and you can give me your honest opinion on my cooking. It'll help me to improve, everyone wins."
Chu Wanning is momentarily unsettled at hearing Mo Ran calling him Wanning again, and Mo Ran internally kicks himself in the ass for it. His expression, however, brightens up immediately after the mention of desserts. Interesting, Mo Ran thinks to himself.
"...Do you enjoy making sweets then?" Chu Wanning questions, and the question is so innocently genuine that Mo Ran’s heart leaps in his chest.
This is how Mo Ran is going to convince him. "Very much, I try new recipes every week! I’ll make you taste my osmanthus cake special recipe tomorrow—I'm sure you won't regret it."
The office is silent for a moment, and then Chu Wanning straightens his posture before replying in a neutral, seemingly disinterested tone, betrayed only by the spark in his eyes. "Fine then. My shift starts at nine but I'm usually at the office from eight am, we can meet up around that time."
Mo Ran can’t hide how happy he feels, and he grins widely. "Good! We will share breakfast at one of the tables at the park nearby. Thank you for accepting my suggestion Chu-xiansheng.”
Mo Ran stares at the clock, they still have 30 minutes left. In all honesty, Mo Ran doesn’t want him to leave, but since he’s still trying to work with Chu Wanning’s slow pace, he’ll have to compromise. “There’s still some time left but if you don’t feel like engaging in conversation at the moment, we can end the appointment now. Take care on your way back, Chu-xiansheng, I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.”
Mo Ran is by no means someone who lacks experience or knowledge in analyzing people.
Initially, doing this was a survival technique in a society that wasn't educated to be kind to him. He was an orphaned kid who didn't have money to bury his mother, and had been forced to witness how they carelessly threw her body into a common pit while he begged them to bury the body while Mo Ran clung to her arms.
Then, he’d discovered that his trauma made him an expert in reading others’ intentions and emotions, but he couldn't say the same about himself.
It took Mo Ran a while to accept that he struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts, and took even longer to accept his uncle's suggestion to go to therapy. Xue Zhengyong didn't push him, but it was clear to Mo Ran that his uncle worried about his self-destructive behavior. Mo Ran owed him for all of his kindness and support, and he figured it wouldn't hurt to attend one of these appointments, at least to see if they could help him with something.
This wasn't what happened at all. The psychologist who attended Mo Ran didn't seem interested in his trauma, only in giving solutions for his "anxiety" at a very surface level and while this worked for a few months, it wasn't a sustainable treatment because Mo Ran spiraled again and eventually, he’d nearly suffered a deadly accident when he was driving drunk in the middle of the night.
It was this negative experience that made him skeptical of psychologists, but some of the things his ex therapist said still made sense for someone who wasn't as fucked up and lost as him.
After this, Mo Ran gained a genuine interest in the field, read a lot of books, studied hard for the admission exams at college, and by the final month of classes before his graduation, he decided he wanted to be a psychology major.
Psychology helped him to understand his issues better. Mo Ran was gradually becoming a more mature, level-headed person who accepted his trauma shaped him into having BPD, and there was nothing he could do to change it now, but he could find ways to manage it.
This was a long, painful process that would have been easier if he had a better guide from the beginning, and Mo Ran strived to be that kind of psychologist with his clients when he was studying at college.
And yet here he was, having inappropriate thoughts and caring too much about the person he is supposed to assist in an impartial way, while also refusing to do the correct thing which would be terminating their treatment so Chu Wanning can find a someone who actually knows how to provide a quality service as a therapist.
So much for being a good guide, Mo Ran…