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When Mizuki steps off the train, Mafuyu follows suit, closely behind the other. Pink hair floats through his vision as they crane their head each and every way, as if trying to gain a directional sense of where the pair are — a few blocks away from whatever destination Mizuki has decided is so important.
“Come on, this way!”
Mizuki looks as if they are about to grab Mafuyu’s hand to tug them along, but thinks twice about it and shoves their hands into their pockets instead. Mafuyu simply nods.
He also watches Mizuki. The way their hair bounces around their shoulders, the ends brushing against the outfit they had picked out — he doesn’t really know how to feel about it. The outfit, the outing, the fact that he agreed to this whim and let Mizuki drag him out into the cold winter air. He’d even lied to his mother, second face equipped, while saying he was off to study with a few friends. The same rinse and repeat interaction, with a little bit of rebellion behind it. It almost felt liberating, as much as it felt wrong. Heavy.
He wants to say he feels something else too, lukewarm and nestled somewhere deep in his heart, but he isn’t quite sure of that either.
He thinks that maybe he should say something to make the silence less awkward. Is it awkward? He tries to judge how Mizuki feels, that twinge of curiosity getting the better of him. Mafuyu, as usual, comes out empty handed.
He’s not necessarily surprised. If Mafuyu has learned one thing during his increasingly frequent outings with the other, it is that they both know how to keep their masks pressed tightly to their faces, only occasionally loosening the tightly knotted strings for the other when it felt safe. When it felt right.
He can count on one hand the amount of times they’ve been vulnerable with each other, which, to either one of them is more than they’d ever consider themselves comfortable with. It's a start, it’s progress. That thing Mizuki said they saw happening within Mafuyu, as well as themself.
When he thinks about it for too long, that lukewarm feeling returns.
A cold breeze pulls Mafuyu from his thoughts, cold enough to penetrate the layers of clothing he has on. There it is, another time they showed each other a bit of a true face. Mafuyu, pretending he can’t feel the tremor of his hands, pulls on clothes from the mens section. Mizuki, confidently grabbing ribbons and nail polish from a different one, eyes brighter than Mafuyu has seen in a while. So bright. To the point that he almost feels jealous, until that blinding look is directed at him, and he begins to understand.
Mizuki understands that part of him. They understand jumping off that last ledge, they understand the desperate attempt to finally become someone they could truly live as. That’s probably the entire reason Mizuki was so excited when Mafuyu approached, quietly asking for clothing advice. He had meant to just go by himself, but Mizuki immediately attached themselves to him, launching into long-winded explanations of body type, layering, and random things that Mafuyu had no true grasp of.
In the end, Mafuyu had come out of that dressing room, and allowed himself to return the small smile Mizuki had offered him before returning home. He hides the clothes in the back of his closet. Like it was their little secret, and only theirs.
That was one part of themselves bare, nervously but relieving once out in the open. Mafuyu still had a lot of steps to go, but so did Mizuki in that regard. For now, it stayed between them, and those clothes stayed in Mafuyu’s room, when his parents were asleep and no one else was around to see him. Up until now, at least.
He watches Mizuki shiver, rubbing their arms rapidly to gain some sort of warmth as they walk.
“Couldn’t you find a heavier jacket to go with that?”
Mafuyu finally broke his silence, head tilting as he asked. Mizuki hums, turning to face Mafuyu as they walk. Backwards. It makes Mafuyu a little nervous, but no one is close enough to crash into them anyhow.
“Eh, probably, but I was in too much of a rush,”
They pause for a moment, quietly laughing and mimicking Mafuyu’s earlier wide-eyed head tilt.
“And too indecisive. I wish you could’ve seen how many outfits I went through before leaving.”
Mafuyu makes an indifferent hum in response. Mizuki knows that he’s at least listening, absorbing that info for a little Mizuki-shaped file in his brain. They know it doesn’t go in one ear and out the other, since Mafuyu has recalled random info like that before, and then played it off as nothing.
That was another thing Mizuki found intriguing about the other. Mafuyu was all non-committal noises, going along with any push or pull, wiping himself clean of any inclination of his own. At least, outwardly.
But, there were moments where they would watch his eyes regain the smallest amount of light. Or laugh quietly, or say things that indicate genuine interest. They tried not to point it out often, lest they lose sight of it, hidden behind Mafuyu’s carefully curated mask once again.
Mizuki turns back around with a little bounce to their step, finally spotting their destination a bit further down the street.
“Oh.”
Mafuyu has also seen it now, a decent sized building with various paper fish and coral displayed around the front windows.
“You like aquariums, right?” Mizuki hopes they remembered that correctly.
Mafuyu stares through the window for a moment, and then nods.
“I guess. I have a small one at home.”
“Ah, gotcha.”
That’s close enough, right? Mizuki pulls the door open, holding it with a little flourish.
“After you,” they say, with a playful yet small smile.
Mafuyu raises his eyebrows, stepping through the door.
“Okay…”
Mizuki follows him in while laughing into their sleeve.
“Sorry, couldn’t help myself.”
Mafuyu shrugs, stepping up to the counter with a few bills clutched in his hand. Mizuki immediately slides his hand off the counter.
“I’m paying.”
There’s no room for argument, Mizuki whipping their wallet out before Mafuyu can even try. They almost look like they were ready to hip-check him out of the way if necessary. Mafuyu settles for a side-eye, and shoves his money back into his pocket. The clerk at the desk simply looks back and forth between them, and then hands the tickets to Mizuki.
“Thank you!”
Mafuyu wanders towards the first few tanks, small with common fish swimming in endless circles. Mizuki follows close behind.
“What do you have in yours at home?”
Mafuyu doesn’t respond for a few moments, eyes intently following a small school of fish. Mizuki doesn’t push, just watching along, occasionally stealing glances at Mafuyu’s face.
“Mostly guppies. All girls, the only male died.”
Mafuyu finally looks away from the tank, walking towards the hall that leads to the larger exhibits.
“You can tell them apart?”
Mafuyu nods. He looks like he’s about to elaborate for a moment, but hesitates. He’s not used to just talking freely about his few personal interests, but Mizuki seems genuinely curious. He glances at their face, holding eye contact for an uncomfortable beat.
“Well, male guppies are usually brighter, and have longer fins too. If you pay close enough attention you can usually figure it out with most fish.”
He shrugs again.
“Google exists too, so.”
Mizuki snorts.
“Do you google that stuff for fun?”
“Sometimes.” He glances at Mizuki again.
“...I used to read books about fish when I was a child. My mom used to tell me that I would sit myself down with the same few books about the ocean, and read them over and over.”
Mizuki can almost picture it, if they close their eyes.
Mafuyu then walks ahead, occasionally pausing and looking around at the different signs, little factoids and the like. Mizuki silently follows for a while, content to watch as the minutes tick by. It isn’t every day they get to watch Mafuyu in something close to his own element. Or at least a place he feels comfortable enough to wander around and look into things of his own volition.
Mafuyu breaks the silence again after a while, mumbling to himself. “Do they have sting rays?”
His eyes are flying around the room again, only stopping when he finds the sign he’s looking for.
“Come on.”
It’s the closest to genuine excitement Mafuyu has ever shown, with how he grabs Mizuki’s sleeve and starts walking in the direction of the exhibit in mind. Once inside, he stands in the center of the room, looking with wide eyes.
Mizuki is let go near the doorway, where they stop to take in the sight. Their heart thumps at Mafuyu’s silhouette, surrounded by glass and water and streaks of reflected light - there still isn’t much light to Mafuyu’s eyes, but it’s good enough for now. He doesn’t look transparent to Mizuki, not one bit, not when they can barely tear their eyes away from him.
Mafuyu finally breaks away from the initial wonder of their surroundings, looking back at Mizuki.
“What?”
Mizuki blinks, words not coming to their brain at first.
“Oh! Um. I just thought it was really cute in here. Really pretty.”
Mafuyu stares back at them, and then smiles softly.
“Yeah. It is.” He goes back to watching the rays swim around, hands wrapped around the railing just in front of the glass separating the tank and the room. Mizuki joins him, back leaned against the metal.
“They might have cute little sting ray plushies in the gift shop, you know.”
Mafuyu hums, thinking of the bills crudely stuffed into his pocket.
*
When the two finally finish their walk of the aquarium, Mafuyu finds himself standing outside the building, holding one part of a pair of stuffed sting rays.
Mizuki coos at the other one in their own hands, squeezing it tightly.
Mafuyu looks down into the stingrays' beady little glass eyes, and sees his own reflection in them.
He doesn’t fully recognize that twinge of light in his own eyes, or the vaguely relaxed expression to his own face - it’s still all a bit fuzzy and off, but he thinks he could maybe, just maybe grow used to it.