Work Text:
"Because I liked you better
Than suits a man to say,
It irked you, and I promised
To throw the thought away.
To put the world between us
We parted, stiff and dry;
‘Goodbye,’ said you, ‘forget me.’
‘I will, no fear’, said I …"
The room is filled with sounds of sheets rustling and panting. It’s dim except for a few candles lit on the ground and a small nightstand lamp. Curtains are closed, holding them back from the world outside the room. It’s a barrier between two different worlds. The scent of candles mix with the smell of sweat and sex.The room is hot despite December, with snow painting everywhere white.
"Why are you crying?" Seokjin asks. He moves his hips and kisses the sweet moan Taehyung lets out.
"I love you," Taehyung whispers. More tears fall down as he clings to Seokjin tighter. He welcomes each thrust with opening his shivering legs wider.
"And why are you crying?" Seokjin asks again, a meaningful smile on his lips as he kisses Taehyung.
"Because I love you," he answers. His voice shakes as he cries harder. Loving Seokjin is both his pain and pleasure.
Seokjin kisses him slow and tender like how his thrusts are. He treats Taehyung as if he’s made of glass. He touches and kisses Taehyung like he’s worshipping him. He marks Taehyung as his with small bites.
"Don't cry, Tae-ah." Seokjin’s tone is almost pleading. He thrusts inside. “ It breaks my heart, baby. My sweet boy." Taehyung’s heart soars at the emotions pooling in Seokjin’s voice.
“Hyung,” he calls for him, desperate and pleading.
"Yes? Yes, Tae–ah. Tell me," Seokjin responds as he keeps thrusting.
"Though my heart is broken already, it belongs to you," He whispers vulnerably. He has exposed his everything to Seokjin and feels miserable about it.
Seokjin kisses him instead of answering. His soft kisses turn into bites as his thrusts turn frantic. He hits the bundle of nerves inside Taehyung with each move. Even his touches become firm, bruising like never before.
Seokjin has always been the laid-back one. Yet he loses himself with each movement. He gives up holding his emotions at bay. He stops thinking and drags Taehyung with him into a thoughtless zone where they can be themselves. Taehyung lets himself forget and follows Seokjin’s lead. His unhappy tears turn to euphoric ones. He claws at Seokjin’s broad back as Seokjin gives him what he craves the most. He wants this more than anything, he wants to fall apart underneath the person he loves the most in the world.
A sugar-coated pleasure rushes through their veins as they near their release. It’s just a moment of fireworks and seeing the stars as they close their eyes, holding each other tight and close until they bask in the afterglow.
In that sacred moment, he wishes for something he can never have.
He wishes for a future with Seokjin where they share a life and a home. They belong to each other without anything to hide. They hold hands and kiss each other whenever they want. He wants weekends spent in bed together, passed out and cuddling after making love. He wants dates where he ends up in Seokjin’s arms at night. Seokjin cooks for them and Taehyung knots his tie every day before work. They share smiles and maybe a similar silver band on their left hand.
He opens his eyes with a bittersweet taste on his tongue. Seokjin is right there sitting at the edge of the bed, cleaning him up with a damp cloth. Seokjin smiles at him when he sees his open eyes and leans down for a kiss. The kiss washes away the bitterness and all he can taste is Seokjin’s lips. His broken heart blooms into tiny flowers. Seokjin ruffles his hair and kisses his forehead when they part. In these moments, it’s easy to pretend Seokjin is his and they’re living his wish.
"I love you." The words come out of his lips, straight from his heart, for the third time that night. The words are like a curse as everything crumbles again. An innocent confession is enough to bring him back to reality. The smile plastered on Seokjin’s face erased into a frown as Taehyung’s eyes pool with tears.
He is grieving for a wish and a future. He is mourning for the past taken for granted. He pities himself as he can’t enjoy little things like having this with Seokjin. Present slips out of their hands as Taehyung cries and Seokjin can do nothing but hug him close and whisper that everything will be alright.He was blissed in a kiss one second ago, what happened to that now?
“Don't cry, baby. Please…”Seokjin whispers, he wipes the never-ending tears off his face.
“I love you so much,” Taehyung says, breathless and panting, “I love you so much, hyung, and it hurts a lot.”
He loves Seokjin more than the world.
There isn't a moment in his life that he didn’t love Seokjin.
He loves Seokjin.
So much that he can't let go.
"Hyung… Make me hate you, please," he begs.
Taehyung doesn't remember a day in his life where Seokjin wasn't there. Since he opened his eyes to this world, Seokjin has always been there. Maybe it was out of pure luck or misery that their mothers were friends. Best friends, since college days, and later when they both met their significant partner, their fathers eventually got along and became friends too. Since he opened his eyes to this world, Seokjin in Taehyung’s life was a given. He had heard from his mother how the three year old Seokjin was excited for the arrival of the new baby, how he bounced up and down at the hospital when he first laid his eyes on Taehyung, how he got disappointed because babies couldn't play and they had to be taken care of, how he had been sulking for two years anytime he setted eyes on the baby that couldn't talk, walk or play. His mother had told him how it was Taehyung, a four year old chubby toddler, who asked Seokjin to paint with him one afternoon when Seokjin and his mother paid them a visit. They have been inseparable since then.
Taehyung can’t recall all of his childhood, but he has memories of playing in their swimming pool with Seokjin. He was the one teaching Taehyung the alphabet. Seokjin spent his lunch breaks in school with Taehyung instead of people of his age. Seokjin taught him a few taekwondo moves when his parents rolled him in the course one summer. He did Taehyung’s homeworks whenever he gave Seokjin his pleading eyes.
He doesn’t remember when was the exact moment he fell in love, despite his memories. There’s a piece of himself becoming Seokjin’s as time passes to a time where there are nothing and no one in his mind except for Seokjin. He gave him tiny parts of his heart until his soul belonged to Seokjin. Love wasn’t something that happened in a moment or at a first sight but rather a whole lifetime as it became difficult to ignore for both of them.
The next day, Taehyung wakes up with a sweet sore ache all over his body, feeling satiated and calm. The curtains block the sun but his nightstand clock shows it’s almost noon. He rolls on his stomach and sniffs the pillows that smell like them. He needs to shower so he smells more of himself than sex and Seokjin, yet he wears a pair of shorts and a t-shirt that is too big to be his before walking to the kitchen.
Breakfast is ready on the table. A single rose next to his plate that he doesn’t know where Seokjin got it early in the morning. There’s a note for him written on a pink stick-it paper. ‘I wanted to spend the morning with you and be the first one you see when you wake up. Things came up in the company. Enjoy the breakfast and eat all of it. Take care, baby.’
Seokjin never says I love you. He has never, not once, unlike Taehyung who confessed at sixteen and never stopped saying it until now. As much as he has craved it all of his life to hear such words, Seokjin has never said it. Yet, there isn’t a moment that he doesn’t feel loved. Seokjin loves in a different way. He adds a little bit of his love in everything he does. His actions are loud and clear with how he takes care and looks after Taehyung.
He feels it more than hearing it and his heart aches for the love they hold for each other. It’s a tragic love like it’s one of Shakespeare's plays, lovers that die together so they won’t ever be apart. He doesn’t let himself cry as he sits behind the table. He smells the flower and misses Seokjin before he starts eating. He eats everything as Seokjin told him to.
They are both drowning, as if they were in titanic. There isn’t a chance of ending up together as one has to sink deep in the ocean. They’re far away from each other, eyes linger and hands ache to lace together, so that they’d let go trying together. However, there’s nothing they can do.
Taehyung doesn’t know how to swim, and Seokjin’s hands are tied.
“hear my cries and see my tears
this is not what I wanted
I begged for it to not happen this way.”
It's Wednesday, the third of December, when his biggest nightmare happens. The weather is the coldest it has been like a bad omen. He wears a cardigan under his coat but still shivers despite sitting in his warm office.
There’s a knock on his door before it's his lunch break. He takes his eyes off of the computer and smiles when the new intern bows at him politely.
“You have some mail.” He crosses over in the room and hands Taehyung a pile of envelopes.
“Thank you, Chunghee.” he thanks him with a smile.
“You're welcome, Taehyung-ssi.” Chunghee bows before leaving the room.
Taehyung flips through the envelopes, divides the ones that are work related and the ones that are not. One of them captures his attention, the envelope is white decorated with beige lines, his name written on the back of it cursively with golden ink. It’s an exquisite card, luxurious as it stands out among the rest of the mails. His world crashes as he opens the envelope. His heart stops beating and bleeds as he reads it over and over again, just to make sure he isn’t having a bad dream. He grips the paper tightly as his eyes burn. He wants to throw up and tear it into shreds but the truth will stay the same. Nothing can change the reality now.
Together with their families,
Cho Ayeong
And
Kim Seokjin
request the pleasure of your company
at their marriage
on Saturday, the 31th of December
at four o’clock in the evening
at Grand Walkerhill, Seoul
He doesn’t work after that, he can’t even pretend working with how his hands are shaking. He stares at the wall in front of him and gives a fake smile to whoever that drops by his office. He looks miserable, like he’s dying and it’s his last day. He doesn’t realise it’s time to go until Chunghee knocks on his door.
“Taehyung-ssi, are you alright?” he flinches at his sight.
He nods as an answer.
“You don't seem at your best. Do you want me to give you a ride home? Can you drive right now?”
“Just call a taxi for me,” he says before standing up and gathering his stuff from the table.
He gets on the taxi with one hand holding his bag and the other hand holding the invitation card. He keeps staring at it, waiting for a miracle and change. The elegant colour combination of gold and white irritates him. He traces the outlines of each word with his finger. He touches the names printed in a classic font. Cho Ayeong. Kim Seokjin. His Jin, his… God damn, he’s not his. He can never be his, not anymore. Not when he will be vowing someone else a promise of a lifetime, no matter how insincere. He imagines his name next to Seokjin’s in a card like this, with a design they chose together. He stares at the bold december written over and he hates december despite that it’s his and his beloved's birthdays. He imagines his name next to Seokjin’s in a card like this, with a design they chose together. He imagines and his heart soars, they’d look happy together.He doesn't notice the looks the taxi driver gives him but he already knows he’s crying. His heart has been crying for a long time. He can cry his heart out for a while, can't he?
“We’re here, sir.” The driver brings him out of his thoughts. He doesn’t know how much he paid the driver before he gets off the car, walks inside, gets on the elevator and taps in his passcode on autopilot. A sob leaves his throat when he closes the door behind. It’s dark and cold inside, he’s lonely and it’s like his future where Seokjin won’t be there. He almost falls before he holds on to the woll, choking with his tears. Can he really live without Seokjin? Can he live his life knowing Seokjin is not his? Can he endure living a lonely life where Seokjin will belong to someone else?
He can’t, he’d rather die.
Seokjin is the person his soul and his whole existence belongs to. He can’t lose him, he can’t deny his feelings. How will he go to the wedding and act happy for his friend’s marriage?
He walks to the bathroom with shaky legs and he doesn't notice how cold he feels until the hot water hits his still clothed body. He cries and shakes under the shower, his tears mix with water. Is it really fair for him? Is it fair for them? He feels so pathetic. If only he had fallen in love with someone that wasn’t Seokjin. If only he had moved on from his tiny crush over Seokjin when he was a child. If only he didn't love Seokjin like he never loved anything. Then maybe, he wouldn't feel like he’s breaking right now. Maybe he could be a supporting friend to Seokjin, give a toast and a funny speech at his wedding. Yet, he doesn’t regret loving Seokjin. There’s no one for him to love but Seokjin.
“Taehyung.” Seokjin’s voice echoes in the bathroom. Taehyung doesn’t dare to turn around. Seokjin is the only one he’d bare his soul for, he’s someone Taehyung never fears exposing his vulnerability and when he’s at his lowest. Yet, at this moment, he can’t turn around and stare at Seokjin in the eye. There’s too much he feels and he doesn’t know how to act.
Seokjin is standing between the door frame. So he turns at the bathroom door. Seeing Seokjin still in his suit, his tie loosened and a few of the buttons of his shirt were open. In one of his hands, he’s holding the card that Taehyung probably dropped on his way to the bathroom. His eyes look tired and he’s frowning. Shouldn't he be happy he’s getting married?
“I’ll come out soon. Wait for me?” Taehyung tries to sound good as if he wasn't crying, as if Seokjin is not getting married. But even if Taehyung is a great actor, Seokjin knows him better than anyone else and who’d go to shower with clothes on?
No sound comes from Seokjin and his heart stutters a beat when he turns to the door. Seokjin is standing by the door. He’s in his suit and his tie is loosened around his neck, the first button of his shirt is undone. He’s holding the card that Taehyung doesn’t know where he dropped on his way to the bathroom. His eyes are tired and he stares at Taehyung with a frown before leaving the bathroom.
He asked Seokjin to wait for him but he wants Seokjin to come back. He wants Seokjin to hold him, kiss him, love him, and lie to him. He needs Seokjin. He needs Seokjin all of his life. He’ll need him even after his marriage. He’ll need him and want him but he won’t have him.
“Let's get you out of the shower,” he flinches when Seokjin returns to the bathroom, discarded his clothes to a pair of shorts only, a faint smile on his lips as he runs his fingers in Taehyung’s wet locks. God, he loves him too much.
“I can shower by myself,” he protests, yet he stays still as Seokjin starts taking off his clothes.
“I know that, big baby.” Seokjin taps Taehyung's nose playfully.
“Then leave me alone.” He feels petty, he needs Seokjin right by his side.
“How can I?” Seokjin throws his shirt to the corner of the bathroom before he pulls Taehyung close until he’s wrapped in Seokjin’s embrace. Seokjin is like a summer sun to his winter, warming his cold body. He lets out a shaky breath before leaning on Seokjin. He has no strength left.
“Let me take off your pants, baby.” Seokjin parts from him with a kiss on his forehead. He moves his hands down his pants. He blushes even if it’s not the first time Seokjin has undressed him. He closes his eyes as Seokjin unzips his pants and slides it off alone with his underwear. He lets out a breath when he feels Seokjin’s plump lips on his hip bone.
“Kiss me,” He pleads.
Seokjin kisses him without missing a beat. It's a faint brush of the lips at first. His lips are soft and he kisses tenderly. Taehyung gets drunk as he leans more into the kiss. Seokjin runs a hand in his hair until he grips his nape and pulls him closer, kisses him deeper and pushes his tongue inside his mouth. He’s on fire when Seokjin tastes every corner of his mouth.
He can’t help but think, will Seokjin kiss his wife like this? Will he ever kiss her?
He’s sick of thinking this when he’s sharing a great kiss with the person he loves the most in this world. He can’t hold back his tears and their kiss tastes salty.
“Let’s wash your hair,” Seokjin says with a smile that doesn’t get to his eyes. He reaches for the shampoo, pecks Taehyung’s lips as he runs his hands in Taehyung’s hair softly.
“What did the volcano say to the mountain?” Seokjin asks while rinsing his hair.
Taehyung stares at him dumbfounded for a second.
“I lava you,” Seokjin answers himself before breaking into waves of laughter.
“You’re awful,” he laughs and pushes the other away with a fake pretence.
“You love me though.” Seokjin says like it’s not already a sore spot, like he didn’t break down because of that, like the love isn’t killing Taehyung inside. Despite everything he’d still choose to love Seokjin. In another lifetime, he'd still want no one but Seokjin. He loves Seokjin immensely and infinitely.
“I love you a lot,” he whispers like it’s a sacred oath.
Seokjin kisses him on the lips, his smile is deep and genuine. “It’s been only you. Always you, since I set my eyes on the baby you.”
Taehyung tastes the honesty of his words through his lips. He kisses Seokjin as he lets the words dance in his mind and calm his heart.
“Let's get you out of here, now. I got groceries to cook for you.” Seokjin turns off the water and hands him his towel robe, using a small towel to dry his hair. He’s tender like he has always been but Taehyung thinks about Seokjin treating his wife this way, like she’s the world. He stops his trail of thoughts knowing he’d start crying again. Seokjin took care of him and made him smile, his intrusive thoughts can’t win over the power Seokjin holds over him.
Seokjin chooses his comfiest pair of pyjamas for him and dresses him up passionately. Yet, he’s in his shorts. He isn’t wet but the temperature in the bedroom is different that Taehyung worries he’ll get sick.
“You should’ve worn decent clothes for this time of the year before taking over my nanny’s duties,” he says sarcastically as he runs his hand in Seokjin’s moist locks.
“You think you’re so funny that you’re comparing me to your nanny?” he says dramatically. “I’ve known her since I was a child and I know that she didn't have the charm that I do,” he says before planting a tiny kiss on Taehyung’s nose.
“How did I forget you’re worldwide handsome.” it’s good that they’re not talking about the future for now.
“You’re cute so I forgive you.” he ruffles Taehyung’s hair. “I’ll prepare something for us.”
“Wear something,” he says before Seokjin steps out of the room.
“Who’s the nanny one now?” Seokjin says before walking to the closet. Seokjin has spent too much time here that he occupies almost half of the closet with his clothes. Will he take them with him once he is married?
They go to the kitchen once Seokjin dresses up properly. He lifts Taehyung and places him on the counter before giving him a mug of hot chocolate that Taehyung has no idea when he made it. He drinks it as he watches Seokjin cook.
Seokjin showed a great interest in cooking since he was younger, and the fact that he moved out as soon as he could only improved his skills. He loves cooking but he doesn’t do it frequently. It’s only Taehyung that knows cooking is more than just a simple task for Seokjin. He cooks to distract himself as he focuses on the taste and smell of the food. He doesn’t think about anything as he chops vegetables like an expert.
A selfish part of him believes Seokjin’s day was as awful as his, that he’s seeking comfort in the kitchen. He hopes Seokjin is as devastated as him but he’s hiding his emotions as always.
He’d give some tips to Cho Ayeong about Seokjin if he was a good friend, so she could be a better wife to Seokjin. Someone worthy of him knowing what to do to bring comfort to him. Seokjin wouldn't ask for it but definitely will need it and if not his life partner, then who is going to know that? She must spend a lifetime figuring out what a person Seokjin is, just like Taehyung did. She must love Seokjin more than Taehyung. He wishes that she will. Seokjin deserves to come back home into loving arms. If he wasn’t this hurt, he’d beg Ayeong to give Seokjin all the love she can.
“They printed the invitation cards without telling me,” Seokjin says, pulling Taehyung out of his thoughts. “They didn't even ask my opinion on the date. I am just as involved in this as the rest of the guests. I wouldn’t let them choose a day before your birthday.'' He's leaning his body onto the sink, his knuckles gripping the knife with strength that turn white, his shoulders are tense with his head hung low “It’s all my grandfather’s doing. No fucking one can say no to him. I only met Ayeong twice and I will get married to her in less than a month.” he pauses and turns to Taehyung, “Is it really fair? Is it fair to me? Is it fair to us?”
Taehyung shakes his head. Seeing Seokjin like this makes his heart bleed.
“Even you were unfair to me, Taehyung. You asked me to do something so you’d hate me, but what about me that wants you to love me? What about me that wants to love you forever? Tell me, Taehyung. You’ll be heartbroken but free, what about me that’ll get tied up in a marriage that I don’t want?
"Hyung… Make me hate you, please,"
“Seokjin.” He calls for him, his heart beating crazy.
“I’m tired. I just want to be happy. Is it too much to ask?” Seokjin goes on without answering. “Why does it have to be like this, Tae-ah?”
“Hyung.”
“I wish I knew how to make you mine forever.”
“I love you. I’m sorry.” A tear rolls down his face. Why did he ask Seokjin something so cruel? How’d he feel if Seokjin asked him the same thing? How did he think it was a good idea to hate Seokjin when his soul belonged to him? Why did he think that’s possible? Seokjin has carved his name into every inch of his soul, every inch of his skin with his love and kisses.
“Hyung, make me fall in love with you. Everyday, for the rest of my life” he pleads. His heart is bursting in his chest, Seokjin can never say no to him.
“I don't understand what you’re saying,” his mother says.
“There’s nothing that you can't understand,” Seokjin answers. He stares at his parents as serious as he can be. “I don't want to marry Cho Ayeong.”
“Everything is ready, the invitations are sent, the planner is working on the venue. Just when everything is going as planned, you say you don't want to marry her?” Her mother is the one speaking again while his father is sitting there, his lips thin in a line as he stares at Seokjin.
“That's the problem. I didn’t plan any of this. You didn't ask me if I wanted any of these, and I thought I should accept it but no. I’ve made my decision, I won’t marry her.”
“Cho family is one of the sourceful families we know. You wouldn't have a chance with her if you weren’t Kim Seokjin and if you’re complaining about the wedding we can do as you say. At least, you’re telling it early. We still have time to make changes.”
“I don’t love her. I don't even know her.”
“Is it someone else then? Who is she? Is she worth ruining this wedding? Your father can talk to your grandfather if you really can’t let her go.”
“There’s someone else, that’s true. But… It's not a girl. I'm in love with Taehyung,” he says confidently despite how his hands are shaking. He looks at the shocked face of his parents, even his father, who had a neutral face since they started the conversation, now has an open mouth, eyes wide open like they really never noticed.
“Have you lost your mind?” his mother starts. “Taehyung? You’ve always been around him, you can’t be in love with a boy, Seokjin!” his mother exclaims. Her face is red and her words are angry.
“I’m in love with him and it's nothing new. I’ve loved him for a long time, I’m sure you’ve all noticed it. I won't let you or my grandfather stop me from loving him,” he says.
“Hyung, make me fall in love with you. Everyday, for the rest of my life” And he will.
“Are you insane? You’re not alright. What will I say to others?” His mother stands up, pacing around the living room as she spouts out vicious words, words that manage to cut Seokjin’s heart. “Have you ever thought about what your grandfather would do if he knew this?”
“I’m a grown man. I can handle a life where I don't have the reputation and money from my family. I don't need these things to be happy but I need him.”
“Do you have any idea what real life is? Life isn’t a happy ending soap opera, Seokjin. It won’t be as easy as you think. We brought you up, giving you all we could, and now you want to make your life miserable by your own hands?”
“Didn't you do everything for my happiness? Now, I’m here saying I’ve found my happiness. It’s Taehyung and I want your blessing not your approval.” he says furiously before getting up. He doesn’t want to choose between his family and Taehyung but he will if he has to.Loud and clear.
Seokjin walks to the terrace and closes the door behind to calm himself down. He inhales deeply before shivering at the cold weather.
His father joins him soon and drapes it over Seokjin’s shoulders, squeezes his shoulders softly before standing beside him. They both stare at the view of their back garden covered in snow before his father pulls out a cigarette and lights it on.
It’s rare to see his father smoking openly.
“I was younger than you.” His father talks as he exhales smoke. “I was twenty-three o Twenty-four when I first met your mother. It was one of those political parties within families your grandfather dragged me to. It wasn’t friendly, it’s not expected to be when everyone is wearing a fake smile. In those kinds of places, everyone is thinking about themselves and what they can get out of every interaction.” He smokes before continuing, “It was April, the weather was nice and it was hosted in a pleasant garden, yet I didn’t want to be there. I… wanted to be with my lover. Sitting there felt wrong as every family represented their daughters to me. I didn’t want any of them, I just wanted to get out of there and meet my girlfriend. On the sixth of June, I got married to your mother.”
He doesn’t know how to respond. He wants to cry at the sorrowful look on his father. He’d become just like him, if he gave up on Taehyung. A scar like this wouldn’t go away, his father has carried it all of his life.
“I haven't seen her since the day before my wedding. She cried before saying goodbye, I still remember her tears. I never let myself search for her, that wouldn’t be fair to her or your mother. Arranged marriages are not uncommon but I could’ve fought just like you did today. I didn’t deserve our love.” We both cried and said goodbye. I never let myself search for her, never let myself love her even from afar. I didn't deserve her. I couldn't fight for us, for her.” his father turns and stares at him. His cigarette is at the end. He puts his hand on Seokjin’s shoulder and pulls him closer so they share their warmth.
He turns to Seokjin as he tosses the end of his cigarette, he puts his hand on Seokjin’s shoulder before pulling him close.
“Your mother is not a bad person, Seokjin-ah, even your grandfather. They just want the best for their loved ones and they think happiness only has one way. I learned to love your mother, I love you and I’m proud of you. I’m happy right now as I would be if I ended up with her, yet it’s not the same. I would be braver if I could go back to that April.”
His eyes are glistening when he hugs Seokjin. “I lost someone so dear by staying silent, I don’t want to fail again. We could’ve had this conversation sooner. I could do things to make everything easier for you but I didn’t. I’m sorry, Seokjin. I’ll do anything that I can for your happiness from now on.”
“Father,” is the only thing he can manage to say before hugging his father back. He’s happy that finally someone understands him.
“I’m not familiar with the love between two men. But I've seen you and Taehyung grow up, I’ve seen the way he stares at you and I’ve seen the way you’ve cared for him. Even if you say he makes you happy, I’ll worry for you and him too. Just know that I’m supporting you no matter what. I can’t promise everyone in the family or in our society will be like me, but I’m right here and I’ll do anything to help you.”
His heart is sinking for his father’s past but he breathes easier. Having someone like his father by his side warms his soul and gives him hope.
“Thank you. Thank you so much,” he whispers as he hugs his father tighter. He feels like he’s seven years old again as his father teaches him how to ride a bicycle.
“I love you, Seokjin. Never forget that.”
“I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall love thee better after death.”
“Your voice is making me sleepy,” Taehyung whispers, he smiles as he tilts his head to stare at Seokjin. They are laying on the couch, Taehyung on top of Seokjin who’s holding a poem book, with a blanket covering them. There are christmas cookies in the oven, the ginger scent and Seokjin’s embrace make the place feel like home
“ My love for you grows more and more when I see you smile ,” Seokjin whispers back as he traces Taehyung’s lips with his Taehyung is leaning onto his chest, his head resting on his shoulder as he’s staring at Seokjin like he can see through his soul.
“You’re a poet now?”
“I’m anything that you want me to be,” he answers as he closes his book and puts it on the coffee table.
“What would I want you to be when you’re already everything I've ever dreamed of?”
“Now who is the poet? We both know you’re the romantic one between us, baby.” He still hasn’t gotten used to the pet name and he never will as he shivers slightly.
“Tell me.” Taehyung’s smile turns gloomy.
“Tell you what?” Seokjin ruffles his curls.
“Tell me once before everything is over,” he swallows sharply, “You never said it before.”
“Let’s go to your bedroom, baby. I have something to give you first.”
Seokjin pushes him up before standing up. He pulls Taehyung softly and sits him on the bed before fishing something out of the pocket of his coat.
“It’s not a proposal. I think we skipped enough steps. I don’t want to rush us for that, it’s rather a promise. A reminder that you’re mine just like I'm yours.” Seokjin kneels between Taehyung’s legs before opening a velvety box, revealing a simple chain bracelet with two interlocked hoops ring that has Taehyung gasping.
“But aren’t you getting married? I shouldn’t wear this. I can’t…” he stutters weakly, still in awe. Seokjin puts the box aside, takes his hands in his and plants kisses on his knuckles.
“I actually talked to my parents. I said I won’t marry anyone that isn’t Kim Taehyung.” Seokjin smiles at Taehyung’s surprised face.
“What?” he exclaims. “How did they react?”
“It wasn’t that bad, it doesn’t matter how they reacted. I wouldn’t give you up for anything. I bought the ring right after I talked to them, there’s nothing holding us back anymore. Sorry for making you wait for so long, baby.”
Taehyung doesn’t answer him as tears roll down his face.
“Why are you crying, darling?” Seokjin asks softly and caresses his cheek.
“No wedding?”
“Not unless it’s our wedding.”
“No wife?”
“I’d rather call you my husband one day, but for now boyfriend can be good,”
It’s beautiful to see. A sight to behold. A memory carved on his mind, one he’s going to remember until his death: Taehyung gives him the brightest smile that he hasn’t seen since they were teenagers. His eyes are glistening and he holds onto Seokjin tightly.
“Tell me, then. I can’t wait anymore, hyung. Tell me, please. Please.”
Seokjin kisses his forehead, the tip of his nose, kisses each mole and freckle dotted on his face before kissing his lips softly as a feather brushing his skin. “I love you. I love you so much, Taehyung.”
“Hyung.” Taehyung gasps as if he already didn’t know. He’s panting like he’s been on a run and finally gets to sit. Seokjin kisses him repeatedly. Soft and passionate, with all the love he has for Taehyung. He’s panting even though he has been sitting on the bed. His hands are cold in Seokjin’s. He savours the taste of his lips that is mixed with his tears and promises himself that he’ll never make Taehyung cry again.
“I love you,” he repeats and kisses his lips.
“I love you,” he kisses his eyes.
“I've loved you for a long time, Taehyung,” he kisses his hands.
“I've loved you always, hyung,” Taehyung responds shakily.
“Can I put this on you now?”
The bracelet settles on his wrist like it belongs there. Seokjin plants a soft kiss on the pulse point of his wrist and Taehyung promises himself to never take it off.
“Make love to me, hyung. I need it. Fuck me, please,” he begs. They had sex many times but Taehyung craves for this with nothing holding them back.
The kiss is fresh and different when Seokjin leans in to capture his lips, it’s like the very first kiss they shared. Seokjin kisses him slowly, he tastes his lips with gentle bites as if he’s savouring the taste of a fine wine. He licks his lips before pushing in his tongue, Taehyung closes his eyes at the warmth spreaded in his mouth. Seokjin pushes him on the bed and hovers on top of him as his back lays on the bed as he kisses him fervently, with hunger and craving. Taehyung runs his fingers in Seokjin’s soft hair before locking his hands around his nape, keeping him close as they kiss. His chest heaves and he lets out a sigh into Seokjin’s mouth, there’s too much to feel that he didn’t let himself before. He has always been Seokjin’s but when Seokjin devours him with possession it feels more real.
His toes curl as Seokjin moves his lips down to kiss his neck. Every kiss is followed by a sting of biting. Seokjin sucks on his neck, marks him up like he has never. Seokjin makes him his with every red and purple bruise he plants on the sensitive skin of his neck. They have both lept their love and lust at bay for so long, it feels heaven and euphoria now.
They have both held back in their love and lust for the sake of not getting hurt and not hurting more. Seokjin kisses him like he owns him, like he devours him. His fingers dig into the flesh of his hips as he holds him in place, stopping him from squirming due to the pain and pleasure that his kisses leave in his skin.
“Goddess, Taehyung. you’re so beautiful and you’re all mine.” Seokjin’s lips brush against the pulse of his neck, his fingers dig into his hips to stop him from squirming.
“Hyung, please.” He doesn’t know what he’s pleading for, he’s rapturing and he wants more.
“Take off,” Seokjin demands as he tugs on his shirt, his eyes heated with desire.
“I love you,” Seokjin whispers when they kiss after they get rid of their clothes.
Taehyung wants to say it back but he can’t as he moans when Seokjin starts kissing his chest and taking one nipple in his mouth, suckling on it like a soft candy. Seokjin’s hands trace over the skin of his thighs, holding them firmly as he grinds against Taehyung.
“Seokjin,” He moans breathlessly as he thrusts up, chasing for more pressure against his cock.
“Yes, baby? Tell me.”
“Just fuck me already,”
“Bossy,” Seokjin smirks before stealing a kiss from his lips.
“Please fuck me. I can’t any more.” He pants desperately. Waiting is a hassle when Seokjin is touching and feeling him in every way possible. “Fuck me, just fuck me, please.” he’ll beg if he has to.
“I want to cherish you, this moment.” Seokjin plants a kiss on his hip bone and sucks the tender skin of his thighs, making Taehyung shiver.
“You have forever to do that. I’ll die if you don’t fuck me now.”
“When I could say no to you.” Seokjin grazes the inner side of his thigh with his teeth.
Taehyung peppers small kisses on his broad shoulders as he takes lube from the drawer next to the bed.
“I have seen beautiful people, been to beautiful places, but none of them come near your beauty,” Seokjin says against his lips as he pours some lube into his hand and warms it up before tracing Taehyung’s rim.
Taehyung doesn’t respond and hides his face in Seokjin’s neck, relaxing his muscles as Seokjin pushes one finger inside. “I love you, Taehyung.”
It makes Taehyung smile as Seokjin moves his fingers in Taehyung, touching deep places inside that no one ever has.
“I love you too,” he breathes in Seokjin’s ear when he adds another finger. He clenches around them tightly, already wanting more.
“Sweet, baby. Does it feel good?” his fingers brush against the bundle of sensitive nerves inside making Taehyung cry and shake.
“It feels amazing but I want more.” He moans loudly when the action is repeated.
Seokjin doesn’t make him beg too long before he fucks him. Taehyung sees the stars with every thrust, he’s in clouds as he stretches around Seokjin. Each time Seokjin hits against the sweet spots, his mind dips into an abyss of pleasure like he’s floating on the ocean, looking up at the sky as his body moves with every wave. Seokjin laces their fingers and kisses him everywhere and promises of a bright future together.
Seokjin makes him feel things he had never before, things that he can feel only when it’s Seokjin. They come together and it feels like getting home after being away for so long.
“I love you, I’ll love you forever.” he’s fucked out and blissed in Seokjin’s arms, feeling haapiest he’s ever been.
“Forever.” Seokjin promises him through a kiss. The bracelet is glistening in the dark.
“I could, I would fall so hard for you
If only there's any space for me to jump.”
Falling in love is a tragedy, Taehyung would say a few years ago. Falling in love is falling from grace. It’s full of pain and sorrow that you don’t remember anything but the wound you’re catering. If love makes you raw and exposed then falling in love is stepping on a grenade
“Falling for you is the best thing that happened to me,” Taehyung whispers, his eyes on the forest below. He’s slightly breathless from standing on top of a mountain with Seokjin by his side
It’s early spring but at this height the air still has a sharp chill. Taehyung wants to run down to the small cabin they rented down this mountain among the trees and cuddle with Seokjin until he’s warm.
“Are you really talking about falling when you’re looking down from this height?” Seokjin wraps himself around Taehyung from behind and locks him in his arms.
“I’ve never been scared of falling,” Taehyung smiles and leans his head to Seokjin’s broad shoulder.
“I was afraid though, for a long time. I was scared to lose everything.” Wind passes and they both shiver before they get closer.
“What changed ?” He’s smiling as Seokjin nuzzles in the crook of his neck.
“I realised I’d rather lose everything than to lose you. I can’t and even if I could, I don’t want to live without you.” Seokjin tightens his grip until Taehyung almost melts in his warm embrace.
“You don't have to be afraid of falling anymore, we’ll fall together if we have to.” his chest pooling with happiness.
“How did I get so lucky?”
“We should thank our mothers for staying friends for so long.”
“I wish she married someone out of love like your mother did. I was about to lose you because of her.” This will be a sore spot for a long time.
“Things could’ve happened in a better way but we’re here together and nothing matters more than that.”
“You’re softer on her than I am,” Seokjin grumbles.
“She gave birth to you and I’ll always be grateful for that.”
“Can we not talk about my mother anymore, Taehyung?”
“You can’t stop calling me baby just because I say things that you don’t like.” He whines and turns in Seokjin’s arms to face him.
“Baby.” Seokjin smiles before leaning in for a kiss. “You’ll always be my baby.”
“That’s better,” Taehyung says when they part. Seokjin cups his cheeks and pecks him once, twice, thrice. Seokjin kisses his cheek once, twice, thrice.
It takes more time for Seokjin to convince Taehyung to go back. Taehyung sprints around and snaps pictures of everything like an excited little child. His cheeks are painted red everytime his camera focuses on Seokjin. He stumbles on a few rocks that ends up with Seokjin tucking the camera in their backpack before he falls.
Seokjin laces their hands together as they walk down. It’s lovely, warm and quiet until they stop among the trees surrounding them, not knowing where to go. There’s a mild panicking before Seokjin finds their route with his GPS. The air becomes warmer and more humid as they get closer to their cabin that Taehyung takes off his hat. Sugar melts in Seokjin when Taehyung’s curls fall over his forehead. His hair is fluffy and messy and he looks beautiful as ever. Seokjin takes a picture of Taehyung and puts it as his lock screen right there. He wraps an arm around Taehyung, pulling him close when Taehyung whines, wanting a picture together. He captures their happiness, they’re smiling wide that their eyes are crescent moons.
Seokjin prints out the picture when they go back home.
The picture is placed on the wall of the apartment they moved in together. The picture is in a frame coloured by Taehyung in an abstract but beautiful way that fits their home. The picture is lonely on the wall, a beginning of many as a memory of their first trip as lovers.
They decide to fill the wall with pictures of them, together.