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They were on the rooftop together once again. He just couldn’t believe that was their last day together, but he didn’t want to think about it. They were staring at the sunset like they always did, when he noticed all Taeyong’s attention on him, he could always feel the older’s eyes burning on him.
“What happened, love?” he asked while looking at his round brown eyes.
“I can’t believe this is our last day together” both of them sighed.
“I love you so much” is only what he could say. The red haired boy smiled at him, leaning in his direction and leaving a small peck on his lips.
“I love you too, baby” he stopped for a while, they were holding hands and the beautiful sunset was long forgotten “please, say you’ll remember me” Taeyong whispered near his ear.
“I’ll remember you. I promise”
Taeyong kissed him and it was the sweetest kiss of all. It wasn’t their first, not even their hottest one. But it was their last kiss. That’s why it was the one Ten would always think about.
__
Leaving Korea was awful. It was difficult when he went there in the first place, but he eventually got used to everything. He made friends, he found a job, a place to live. He found Taeyong there.
When he found out about his father’s health condition he knew he’d have to come back, he couldn’t let his family go through that alone. Not even once did his boyfriend tell him he should do otherwise. He was always supportive of his decisions, even of this one. It kinda hurt Ten because he thought Taeyong would hold him and tell him to not go, he always knew he wouldn’t do that (and shouldn’t, actually) but there was a small part of him that wanted him to.
So that was settled, he would go back to his country. He would keep in touch, of course, but at the end of the day they decided they should end their relationship. Breaking up with the Korean boy was the worst part of everything. It was the worst part because Ten knew he was the one, he was it for Ten. Whenever he looked at him, he could feel all those butterflies in his stomach, he could think of their future and it’d always looked full of love.
Yuta and Johnny tried convincing Taeyong and Ten, in that order, of having a long distance relationship but neither of them wanted that. The younger one really wanted him to move on, he thought that Taeyong deserved someone that could actually be there for him and, unfortunately, he wouldn't be able to do that anymore. He didn’t know back then, but Taeyong felt the same way. He thought that Ten deserved to find someone in his country that could help him and be there for him. He wanted to just say that he’d go with him, but he couldn’t. He had his younger sister to raise in Korea.
Ten tried keeping in touch with everybody, but as months became years it just didn’t make much sense anymore. He ended up keeping in touch with his best friend, only with Johnny. He found a job, found new friends, went on dates and had a few relationships in Thailand as well. One of his relationships lasted a long time. Actually, longer than his and Taeyong’s.
Still, they were all very frustrating. Something was always missing and he never felt that again. He never looked at someone else and thought they’d be the one. He kept trying nevertheless, thinking that it’d just take some time to feel that again. Sometimes, he would even remember his ex when he was around his current lovers. That made him feel like a piece of shit, so he’d just go and end things. One after the other. Moving on was clearly not that easy for him, but he expected it to be easier for the other one. He expected it to be easier for him one day too.
His father ended up dying eventually, after a good fight of course. Ten cried for hours with Johnny on the phone and he’d always beg him to not mention that to anyone. He wouldn’t ask about Taeyong's love life, he didn’t want to know that. He just asked the simple things, if he was doing fine, eating, working etc. Johnny was always vague at his answers, but Ten never minded.
It took his family a while to get back on their feet after their loss. So Ten stayed there. He kept working, hanging out with his friends, dating a few guys because he knew that he would find someone eventually, but he knew he wasn’t going to build a life there again. He wanted to go back to Korea and when his family were themselves again, that’s what he did. He decided to go back.
Now, around his thirties, Ten thought about going back and it actually scarred the fuck out of him. It’s been ten long years.
__
Johnny had told him to stay in his house until he could get himself one, an opportunity which he gladly took in. It seemed that living with Johnny was going to be easy, they were still best friends, even after all these years. It was his first month back in Korea, he was lying on the couch when his friend arrived from some appointment he didn’t know of.
“Hey, my dude! I’m starving, please tell me we’ve got food” he said while throwing his things on top of Ten’s lap.
“We haven’t got any food, but don’t worry. I’ll be an amazing friend, like always, and I’ll go to the grocery store” Johnny repeated his lines with an annoying voice, trying to make fun of him “Anyways, you 7 year old kid, what do you feel like eating?”
“Hamburgers, please!” he screamed and he was gone. Probably ready to take a shower.
“Truly a 7 year old” the Thai said while laughing. He got the car keys and went for it. Hamburger it is then.
He was walking around the unfamiliar grocery store looking for hamburgers when he spotted a kid trying to reach for watermelons. Adorable. He thought to himself, because even if the kid could reach it, he didn’t think he’d be able to carry the big fruit by himself. If he had to guess his age, he’d probably say five or six years old. So he walked towards the little one and helped him.
“I’ve got you, young man” he said to the child, who immediately looked at him with shiny eyes.
“Thank you!!!” he almost screamed and it made Ten laugh a little, the kid was indeed adorable with those round brown eyes. It was at that moment his stare became more curious “Wait! I think I know you” he said while itching his chin with one of his tiny fingers, deep in his thoughts. Then, he had a light-bulb moment “Wait, you’re my uncle, right?”
That was so fucking cute and Ten wanted to hug the shit out of him, at the same time he was wondering about his parents. Where the hell were they? “Your uncle? No, baby. Definitely not your uncle. Trust me I’d have known”.
The toddler didn’t pay much attention to him though, he was still staring at the floor, too focused on his thoughts “You’re not my uncle Tennie then?” He finally said and that made Ten jump, with eyes and mouth open.
“W-what?” Literally what the fuck.
That was when he heard a third person. “MARK! BABY! Oh my god, there you are. That’s why you don’t come grocery shopping with me”
Oh boy.
The Thai man stood frozen on the spot, too afraid to turn around because he could clearly tell who that voice belonged to. He’d always remember it.
“Sorry, daddy!” daddy? he repeated the last word in his brain “ Look who I found, daddy, it’s uncle Tennie!”
And then silence. He couldn’t move, because he was so sure the man behind him was him. So he just kept on staring at the kid, at Mark, while still holding his watermelon for him. He didn’t listen to anything else actually. Mark was giggling, all happy and proud of himself for finding his so called uncle, while both adults couldn’t say anything.
“Ten? Is it really you?” He took the deepest breath of all and slowly turned around. God, he just wished he was a reckless teenager and ran at the spot, but he couldn’t.
This was too much to process. Taeyong was standing in front of him almost looking into his soul with those round brown eyes, which reminded him of the kid’s eyes, of… Taeyong’s son’s eyes? Jesus, that was indeed a lot to process. The taller one still looked gorgeous as usual. His hair was not red anymore, instead he had it in his natural color. Ten’d always preferred his hair like this, natural. Taeyong was naturally perfect, he would never change a thing. He was wearing a suit, probably coming straight from work, and held a shopping basket with some groceries he and his son were getting.
“Taeyong” he started speaking, trying hard not to stutter or anything “It’s been a while, right?” Wow, Ten. Good job at fucking it up at the first sentence. He was literally shaking, he could feel the sweat on his hands.
“Yeah, I mean of course” he stuttered and then started giggling. The longer he paid attention to him the more he could tell the kid was really his because of their traits “It’s been 10 years to be more specific, right?” He throws the questions right back at the younger one.
Ten just shruggles and looks at the floor, laughing the embarrassment away, he didn’t want to have that kind of conversation in a store with his ex’s son staring at them.
“So” he pauses and glances towards Mark “uncle Tennie?”
“Oh, shi- I mean, yeah! I’m sorry about that” he holds his kid’s tiny palm while smiling at him and then, he looks back at Ten “I don’t know if you remember about my habit of keeping photo albums” of course he did, he remembered everything, he wanted to tell him that “and Markie here, loves seeing those photos from time to time, right baby?”
“Yes” he said excitedly and looked at Ten.
“And then, he could see uncle Johnny, Yuta and everyone else but-” Taeyong stopped speaking, clearly overwhelmed. He sighed and shook his head.
“It’s okay, Taeyong, seriously” he bent over, putting his hands on his knees so he could get closer to the kid “Hi, Mark! Wow, you’re so tall and all grown up, I almost didn’t recognize you. You’re getting more and more handsome too” he lied, he’d never seen the boy before, he didn’t even know about his existence, but Mark didn’t need to know that.
Taeyong mouthed a small thank you while Mark let go of his hand to hug Ten while screaming “Uncle Tennie, you’re so tall and handsome too”.
That was the most strange and yet the sweetest thing that has happened to him. Now that he was alone he could finally think things through. Fucking hell. Why was he feeling so overwhelmed? It’s been ten years, of course Taeyong would have moved on. He deserved that. He looked really happy, his son was adorable and his wife must be amazing too.
But just the thought of him having a wife made Ten’s stomach twist. He really was that selfish. No, he needed to be happy for Taeyong, because what people usually said is that if you really love someone you’ll let them go and he always hoped Taeyong would move on, that he would find someone else. But that still doesn’t stop Ten from crying himself to sleep that night.
He still loves him.
__
“You know that he’s divorced, right?” his best friend says while sipping his coffee.
“Who?” he didn’t think he was ready to talk about him again. Actually, he was never ready to talk about Taeyong. He was so full of regret.
“You know who I’m talking about” he gave him a little punch on his arm “he told me you two met at the market, that you met Markie” the last sentence almost comes as a whisper.
Ten didn’t laugh though. He was just staring at his own cup of coffee. It took him years to finally accept that nothing ever lasts forever, that he and Taeyong would probably have ended up breaking up at some point and that it was okay. On the other hand, It just took him an encounter of five minutes to realize he was never over him and that wasn’t okay.
It’s been a little over three weeks since their catching up, if he could call it like this, and the only conclusion he’s gotten to was that no. He did not want to get over Taeyong. He still wanted him so bad that he couldn’t even use words to describe it. He wanted to watch their sunsets together again, he wanted to wake up to the sound of the other’s laughter, to have breakfast on their bed again and kiss his red lips again. The worst part is that during the last few days, he started switching his wishes. Instead of waking up to the sound of his lover’s laughter, he’d wake up to his and Mark’s giggles. The child would watch movies with them during Thursday evenings. Ten would be embraced by the young one again while Taeyong’d watch that with a huge grin on his face. They’d be a family.
Ten thought he finally became delusional. For real. And hearing the fact that Taeyong was divorced didn’t help a lot.
“I tried to contact him in the beginning, like keep in touch at least, you know? But it never felt like he was really into talking to me anymore, he’d take forever to reply and then eventually I just gave up “ he chooses not to talk about his fantasies, about his daydreaming of a family with the older one. He just chooses to vent because he really needed to let everything go “I shouldn’t have done it and that’s so fucking selfish of me, John. Because I’ve always known that he’d move on, but seeing the real thing just hurts. And please don’t even say that he’s divorced again, because that doesn’t fucking mean I have a fraction of a chance with him anymore”
“I never said you did, Romeo” he laughs at the other’s comment “but that still doesn't mean you shouldn’t try. I mean, he was serving the military during that time anyways and you were dumb enough to change your cellphone number sooo” his friend gives him that look.
“He was serving?” oh.
“Yup, dude, right when you left” Johnny just keeps on eating his pancakes af if he didn’t say anything important.
“Fuck”
“Yup”
Ten stands up at the very moment, unsure of why he did it, he just starts fixing his hair suddenly and keeps taking deep breaths like he’s about to panic. Johnny just keeps watching him, clearly wanting to laugh at his friend and then:
“Oh, by the way, he still lives in his old apartment” Ten finally stops walking around the dining table, like that was exactly what he needed to hear “just a fun fact”.
He just grabs the car keys and runs. Still unsure of why he was doing it
Once his car is parked in front of the building he knew so well he felt really stupid, so he just started laughing out loud.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Ten?” he asks himself.
He stays in his car for some minutes, wondering what he should do next and he really just thinks of leaving. He turns the engine on and then off. No, he’s not leaving now. He decides he’s really doing this. He walks towards the building and talks to the doorman, who calls the apartment to ask if Ten is allowed to go upstairs. At this point, he just starts freaking out again, he didn’t think this far. Taeyong could easily tell the doorman to not let him go upstairs.
“Sorry it took a while, you can go, sir” the doorman said and opened the gate from his cabin.
“I can?” He sounded so surprised that the elder started laughing.
“Yes, sir. You know the directions?” Ten nodded at the question “So feel free to go, have a good night” he answered you too before walking in the direction of the elevators.
He knocks on the door reluctantly, he can feel his heart beat going crazy in his chest, he thinks it might even explode. When the door opens, he truly isn't ready to see Taeyong with wet hair, white tank top and some shorts. He still had his towel in his hands, trying to dry his hair a bit. That was something worth looking at. He didn't realize the older was blushing hard.
"I'm sorry it took me a while, I was in the shower, hence the messy hair I have now" he laughs and Ten thinks about how beautiful he is.
"No need to worry and trust me, your hair is not messy" he suddenly felt more brave than before "What about Marki- Mark?" he decides that going with his name is the best for now, they weren't close in real life, only in his daydreams.
"Oh, he's in his room watching spiderman, hang on a sec" he turned around and screamed "Baby, come here! We've got a visitor. Come in, Ten. I don't think we should just stand by the door, right?" they both laugh as Ten steps in.
The places looks different, for sure. It has got more furniture and things were more decorated, like Taeyong once said he’d wanted it to be. He could see a big aquarium with lots of fishes in the living room, right next to the TV. There were some pictures on a shelf that was placed below the TV as well. He could see Taeyong and Mark at the beach, he was holding the baby in his arms, both looking and smiling at each other. Mark was probably 1 or 2 years old in that one. Then he kept glancing and saw pictures of Mark and Taeyong in an amusement park, in front of a school, with Taeyong's friends. His friends too. Johnny had Mark on his shoulders while Yuta and Taeyong hugged each other. Truly a family picture. Ten couldn't stop himself of thinking that he wished he was in that one too. He heard some steps coming to the living room and that's when he finally stopped looking around the place.
"UNCLE TENNIEEEE" the little one ran and hugged him again.
"Hi hi, baby Mark" he said without thinking "How are you doing? It's been a while, right?" Taeyong was sitting on the couch, not saying anything, he was just watching them interact.
Mark opened the biggest smile and said "Yes! We HAVE to watch spiderman together, please please please daddy let uncle Tennie watch the movie with me" he said the last part looking at his father, basically begging him for it.
Taeyong eyed Ten, who was waiting anxiously for an answer "Of course, baby. I mean, if he wants to-"
"I would never say no to a spiderman movie!" As he said that, Mark ran to his room and got all his DVDs from the hero. He sure loved him, Ten thought to himself.
Taeyong and Ten started laughing together without even realizing "Baby, but first I really need to talk to uncle Tennie, is that okay?" Oh boy, here goes nothing.
The boy got a bit upset but he understood it, he ran back to his room and came back without his dvds. Once again, he was itching his chin, deep in his thoughts "Wait, is it a grown-ups talk, daddy?"
"Yes, baby, it is" Ten suddenly felt like passing out.
"Ok!" he gave a thumbs up and looked at Ten "I'll wait for you, okay, uncle Tennie?"
"Sure, baby, I'll be right there" it was really bittersweet, he could feel happiness and fear at the same time. He didn't know how this conversation would go. He definitely didn't.
Taeyong told him to sit down on the couch next to him as well and there they were, ready for their grown-up talk. He started speaking reluctantly.
"I'm sorry about showing up here so suddenly, I should have talked to you" he said but couldn’t face Taeyong yet.
"It was sudden for sure" the other said coldly "I mean, a couple of weeks ago I didn't even know you were back. I have to tell you, it kinda hurt" ouch.
"I know and I am truly sorry, it was my first month back here and-"
"Why did you come back?" Ten finally looked up and faced the man he was still in love with. His eyes didn’t say much, maybe he could tell something there, but he didn’t want to create expectations. Not yet.
"Well" he started again "After my father died I realized that I needed to come back because this is supposed to be my home, it took me a while even after his death because I wanted to make sure everything and everyone was fine back there, you know?" Taeyong nodded at that "so yeah, now I'm back"
"I'm so sorry about your father, Tennie" he said while caressing his knee, this along with the nickname immediately made Ten’s eyes wide open "I'm sure the guys were over the moon to know you're back. Like, what I mean is that we really missed you" he was also holding himself back, but Ten didn’t notice that.
"I missed you too" he lets it slip "you guys too" he corrected himself.
"Yeah, so that was mutual in the group" they fell in silence after that. At least it wasn’t so tense anymore, Taeyong had a small smile on his lips.
"I'm probably about to step over a boundary but I just have to ask you, your wife…?" he just took his chance, it was risky but he had to.
"Oh no, we didn't end up getting married. We were engaged and everything because she was pregnant, but after she delivered the baby she just… left" he finished after a pause, he was looking right in his eyes. Ten remembered how honest he was. He’d always look into your eyes while talking to you and that just filled him with more memories of themselves.
"I'm so sorry" he truly was.
"Don't be, I think it was actually for the best, you know. Mark almost never asks about her, which makes me feel incredibly amazing. I feel like I am doing this right, does that make sense?" he asks to make sure, he’s clearly proud of himself. But again, Ten remembered how Taeyong needed some reassuring words sometimes.
"Yes, it totally does" he answers quickly "He reminds you a lot, mostly his eyes. It's almost creepy. I can tell you’re doing this more than right, Yongie"
"Thank you for saying that" he blushes at the compliment and looks and his own lap "But what about you? How was life during these years? Husbands? Wives?" he was nervous, biting his lower lip. But Ten didn’t notice that either.
"God, no. Not even close" the younger laughs awkwardly "That's actually the part of the reason I'm here today"
"Oh, is it?" Taeyong leans a bit forward, showing much interest in what he’s about to hear.
"Taeyong, I really don't know how to start this" he takes a deep breath and looks right into the other’s eyes as well, he wants to prove he’s being completely honest "I know that it's been a while and that I should have done something with my life, like you did yourself, but I never could." he is literally shaking "Fuck this is difficult. Okay, like the other day when I saw you again it was almost like I got hit by a train, I was frozen and that was when I just had listened to your voice. And then I saw you and jesus christ I don't know, it's just like. Like. I mean. You know?" he stops and really hopes he got his point across.
"I do" Taeyong says slowly, he hasn’t moved at all. Still looking at him, paying close attention.
"You do?" Ten was in shock "No but, I don't think you do because back in my hometown I really tried dating. I had some relationships and I really wanted to get over you and I wanted you to do the same, I wanted you to get over me. At least I thought I wanted that" he swallows hard before keeping on going "But they were never you and it was so frustrating, because they didn't look, smelt, sounded or felt like you did and I just-"
"It's okay, Tennie" he finally moved, going straight for the other’s hands. Ten felt like this was a mistake, of course it wouldn’t go the way he expected. So he looks away "Please look at me"
"No, I think I should go, Taeyong. I'm so sorry, I'm literally talking nonsense here" he tries pulling his hands and standing up, but he doesn’t let him go.
"Tennie, please just stop and look at me" with a soothing voice, he’s able to calm Ten down "Why did you stop contacting me? You see, I tried contacting you when I was done serving, but the texts never arrived. Then I heard you were still talking to John so I just put 2 and 2 together and thought Oh maybe he doesn't want to know about me anymore"
"Why didn't you tell me you were serving?" He asks back.
"Because I didn't want you to overthink it and worry" he was really giving his all there, Taeyong was answering without holding back this time "Now, please, answer me"
"Because I thought you were done talking to me. We had broken up and I was there sending you a bunch of texts, still in your life, and I thought I was just being ridiculous. So I changed my number and forced myself not to save yours"
"I still wanted you in my life though" it was almost a murmur.
"You did?" he needed to double check, just in case.
"I was really convinced about waiting for you, I never told you that because I was sure you'd be against it and start rambling about moving on, about whether I deserve something or not" it was true, he would have told him to let it go, that he didn’t know what the future held for them and that it was better to just keep on living his life "I just wanted… you"
"You wouldn't have had Mark" Ten said after glancing in the direction of the boy’s room, he didn’t realise but he was smiling while speaking "so it was more than worth it"
"Yes, it was. He made everything worth it.” They were both smiling while looking at the room’s door "But today I'm really happy you're back, that you're here and that we're actually talking. I still can't believe it, actually"
"I still love you so much" out of nowhere, he felt like he was choking on these words. They needed to be released.
Taeyong was frozen on the exact same spot, just facing him and he thought he'd finally fucked up. He was ready to apologize and leave, he'd suggest Taeyong to let it go, so they could pretend this never happened. He was ready to go back to Johnny's place, cry and say how stupid he was. How could someone like Taeyong take him back after ten years? He must have been out of his mind when he thought he would. He was ready to force himself to stop thinking of him, of them. They wouldn't be a family. The whole room was quiet and it was torturing him. He took a deep breath, getting ready to start the routine he'd pictured in his mind.
Then Taeyong kisses him and it's the sweetest kiss of all. It's really different from their last one, they are both so desperate. Ten drowns in his scent, he really missed this. The sensation of having his lips on his was the best thing ever. He could hear his heart going crazy in his chest and he was sure Taeyong could too, because he soon placed his hand on it, still kissing him. He placed his hand on the back of Taeyong's neck, too hungry to let him go. Ten felt like he was drunk or maybe hallucinating. Taeyong was straddling him at this point and this was it, he was losing it.
Suddenly Taeyong stopped and stared at him. Red and swollen lips, rosy cheeks and those big brown eyes that were similar to mirrors right now.
"Taey-"
"I still love you so much, baby" the older man said and kept on kissing him. He surely knew what he wanted and he wasn’t holding back anymore, that’s another certain.
Both of them heard small steps towards the living room again and Taeyong immediately jumped from his lap straight to the couch again. Mark showed up with lazy eyes, almost falling asleep while standing.
"Daddy" he yawned right in the beginning of the sentence, Ten could cry at that, he was the most beautiful thing he's ever seen "I think I'm sleepy"
"You should go to bed and rest, Markie. It’s late, baby" to his surprise, it wasn't his father who had answered him. It was Ten, who was actually surprised at himself for doing it too. He looked at Taeyong, who gave him a reassured look and held his hand.
"What about the movie?" he asked, clearly upset.
"I can come back tomorrow and we'll watch it together, deal?" then the kid walks towards him and gives him a tight hug as if he was saying deal! and this time, Ten hugged him back.
"Daddy, can I sleep with you?" he was fighting against his sleep and he was about to lose the battle.
"Sure, baby, you can sleep with us" he looked at Ten, still holding his hand "stay, please" he whispered to him.
Ten let himself be taken to Taeyong’s bedroom. He had Ten in one hand and Mark in the other one, guiding the three of them through the apartment. Taeyong pushed the door open and Mark ran to the bed, picking a spot for himself, right next to the wall. Taeyong kept holding Ten with both of his hands now, guiding him to the bed. The room was dark and he still couldn't believe it. The three of them were finally laid on the bed, Taeyong in the middle of them.
“Good night, baby” he gave him a small peck on his lips “Don’t overthink it, just sleep. We can talk more later, okay?” It was just crazy how Taeyong knew him so well, so he just let himself be kissed again. He just let himself fall asleep next to those two people he dreamt of having as a family for a while now.
He was awakened with some giggle sounds around him, then he felt a touch in one of his ears and after that, another giggle. It was Mark. He was touching his piercings curiously, he could tell the youngest was really entertained. He could also hear Taeyong giggling and whispering a conversation with Mark, careful to not wake him up.
He was waking up by the sound of their giggles. Ten could finally tell himself he wasn’t delusional anymore as he opened his eyes to see the two boys smiling at him.
“Good morning, uncle Tennie!” he said while jumping on him.
That was it. He was finally home.