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Astrid shifted her position, attempting to find the perfect enticing pose. She adjusted the wrapped present just so and smoothed out the hem of her sheer nightgown that left little to the imagination.
The evening was picturesque, roaring fire in the fireplace, snow falling softly outside, and most importantly two excited children had finally fallen fast asleep. She was all set to give her husband his Snoggletog gift, but she had yet to hear his distinct gait coming up the stairs when he said he would only be a minute or two.
She huffed and scooted off the bed. What was taking him so long? Her hints were nowhere near subtle and he had to know she waited for him. She tugged on wool socks and slipped a robe over the chilly nightgown that was not meant for warmth, making her way downstairs.
As the living room came into view, Hiccup stood in front of the fireplace, resting an arm against the mantle and leaning his forehead on his forearm. He stared into the small crackling flames as the fire slowly burned itself out.
“Honey?” Astrid called softly. Aside from the slight wince of his shoulders, he barely acknowledged her presence. “What are you doing down here?”
He sighed and took way too long to answer. “Thinking.”
“Mm, a dangerous pastime for you,” she teased. She frowned at his non-response; clearly lighthearted jokes couldn’t cure his serious mood. She lovingly wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her cheek against his back. “A lot happened today.”
He nodded.
“Are you missing Toothless, or is it more than that?”
The slight hunch of his shoulders indicated she was on the mark.
“It was really... difficult seeing him fly away, after that, well, disaster of a pageant.”
She rubbed his shoulder comfortingly and let him continue.
“He was here, he was that close...” The sorrow in his voice hurt her heart. “It’s been ten years... sometimes it feels like I just lost him yesterday. Then other times the whole thing feels like it was some crazy dream.”
“I feel that way too sometimes,” Astrid said quietly.
“And to see our own kids, talking about killing dragons again. Like everything I had worked for meant nothing! All it took was one generation to forget.”
“Oh, honey...”
Hiccup sighed, defeated.
“The pageant worked though, the children got the message...”
He snorted. “What message? That their grandfather was the bravest and strongest Viking who ever lived; the first Viking to tame a dragon? That their father was a pathetic little wimp? Yeah, they got the message. And the worst part is the majority of it is true anyway.”
Astrid squeezed him tighter. “Grief does strange things to people and Gobber got carried away. He didn’t set out to defame you; he was too focused on Stoick’s legacy and embellished a little on the dragon taming-”
“A little?!” Hiccup straightened up and Astrid’s arms slipped lose.
“Okay, a lot. Like all of it was a major embellishment,” she agreed, “but you were never a pathetic little wimp. Maybe little, but definitely not pathetic or a wimp. No one wanted to fight dragons as badly as you did back then. Because you were on the small side, you made the only contraption that could shoot down a Night Fury. You started all of this. Maybe the children didn’t quite get that from the pageant, but the majority of Berkians remember. All you’ve done is not lost, babe.”
“Is that why they respect me so much during council meetings?” Hiccup restlessly paced, arms gesticulating wildly and rolling his eyes. “They never challenge me on anything and always let me speak when I’m trying to get everyone’s attention. My wife never has to yell at them to shut the hell up because their chief is trying to talk.”
Astrid crossed her arms and pursed her lips at his biting sarcasm. “You have dealt with the same burly mutton-headed Vikings your entire life; they never change. Ask Gobber, even your father had trouble reining them in sometimes.”
“Even still, I will never be him.” His face fell and his voice choked. “He was strong and brave, and, and his leadership was natural. People listened to him, respected him and what he had to say. He commanded a room from the moment he entered it. Everyone noticed, sat up straighter, stood a little bit taller.”
He stopped his pacing and rubbed his wrist. “I can’t even get everyone to notice me when I’m up on the dais, trying to give a speech. I struggle constantly; I’m— I’m not him. Every day I walk in his footsteps, trying to fill his massive shoes and I can’t measure up. It’s, it’s impossible.” He tapped his metal foot on the floor. “One is already empty, for starters.”
“Hiccup, stop. You already know that the loss of your foot symbolizes one of the most brave and selfless things any Viking on this island has ever done. And it’s true, you aren’t like your father,” Astrid conceded. “But that’s not a bad thing, honey. You aren’t walking in his footsteps, you’re making your own path. You’re different, in a good way.”
Hiccup shook his head. “In a good way how? It’s not what all those Vikings out there expect in their leader. That pageant just reminded them how much they respected my dad and how much they still don’t respect me.” He sighed and his shoulders drooped. He stared ruefully at the snow falling outside the window. “This is going to sound terrible, but I think I finally understand why my mother just dropped everything and never returned home. If she had the same amount of trouble fitting in, it was probably easier to just leave and never come back.”
Astrid bristled. “Okay, listen here. I do love your mother, she is a wonderful grandmother to our kids, and she’s trying very hard to make up for lost time. But, as a mother myself now? I can’t fathom how she could just leave her baby behind, no matter how difficult things had been. She abandoned you instead of being here for you and supporting you. Maybe you wouldn’t have grown up feeling so alone and outcasted if she had been here. She could have been a buffer between you and the villagers, instead she just assumed you’d be as hard-headed as Stoick and never came back. I still have trouble forgiving her for that, so I don’t want to hear you spouting the same. You’ve always had a habit of running from your problems and I know where you get it from. You’re pretty damn good at working out solutions when you actually try, so don’t you even hypothetically think about leaving me and the kids.”
“You know I would never do that to you or the kids. But the thing is, all this is super easy for you to say because you’ve never had trouble fitting in. You’ve always been the model Viking, known exactly who you are and where you fit within this tribe, before we tamed dragons and after they left. But me? Do you know how hard it is, to be fully aware the whole time that you’re nothing without a dragon? You were nothing before the dragon, and you’re nothing once again as he flies off into the sunrise to go be a, a majestic king of his own kind.”
“So being chief of your tribe is nothing? Being married to me with two beautiful children is nothing?” She tried and failed to control the heat in her tone.
“The only reason I am chief is because of him. The only reason I have you, and two beautiful children with you, is because of him. He is the reason I had anything at all, and now he’s gone, and what do I have left?”
She crossed her arms and tapped her foot with a glare. “After you’re done throwing yourself that pity party? A beautiful wife and two beautiful children, and an entire chiefdom.”
”Pity party?” he said, offended.
“Yes, pity party. That’s what you’re doing right now. You can sit and wallow in it and feel sorry for yourself, but at the end of the day you should be grateful for all the things you have now. Toothless didn’t give that to you, he just made it...?” Astrid held out her hand, palm up and waited for Hiccup’s response.
He sighed and rolled his eyes, shoulders shrugging. “Easier.”
“That’s right.” Astrid stepped toward him and slid her hands onto his waist. “He made it easier for people to see the brilliant, compassionate, inventive leader you are. Those stubborn yak-head Vikings can bluff and be as obstinate as they like, but every single person on this island has benefited from your leadership and ingenuity.”
Hiccup sighed through his nose and Astrid cheered a silent victory. When she could finally get him in a corner with no comeback she knew she had won.
“Also, I owe you an apology. I should’ve known better that Gobber’s modifications would make you feel like this instead of being harmless. I should’ve spoken up and said something.”
Hiccup collapsed into a chair, rubbing his hands down his face. “It... it was hard to see my past brought up again and dragged out into the spotlight. I didn’t appreciate the reminder.”
“The inaccuracies didn’t help.”
“Agreed. But maybe I’m being selfish. My dad’s legacy is important, the children of Berk need to know that.”
“True, but so is your legacy,” Astrid said firmly.
“Maybe the accuracy of history isn’t as important so much as the sentiment.”
“That’s what I thought at the beginning of the pageant, but clearly that kind of thinking hurts those who know the truth.” Astrid slid into his lap and put her arms around his shoulders. “When Toothless left you went through a really rough adjustment period, and I think seeing him now stirred all that up again. You are an amazing husband, father, and leader. I hope you’ll come to the realization that you belong here, a little faster with a little less heartache this time.”
The tiniest lopsided smile tugged at the corner of his lip and he drew her in for a hug. He pressed a kiss to her cheek.
“Thank you, milady. You always help me see reason.”
“That’s what I’m here for. Just so you know, if you ever try to ditch me and the kids I will personally hunt you down, kick your ass, and drag you back to New Berk by your beard.”
Hiccup laughed. “I would absolutely deserve it.”
“So do you want your Snoggletog present or not?”
He raised an eyebrow. “And what would that be?”
She toyed with the tie on her robe. “How about you come upstairs and find out?”
“I’m interested...”
“You should be,” she winked.
“Oh, are you going to let me do that thing you never let me do?”
“Ha! That’s for your birthday.”
“But my birthday only happens once every four years!”
“Exactly.”
He groaned.
“You know, I’m pretty sure I saw three adorable little dragons flying after Toothless. Are you going to let him show you up?”
He grinned. “Are you saying we should try for a third?”
“Only because we can’t let Toothless win, can we?” She sauntered back toward the stairs, beckoning him with a finger.
“No, certainly not. So, what’s underneath that robe?”
She dashed up the stairs. “Come find out, lover boy.”
He scooted up after her, catching up and tickling her waist.