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Of all the things Ben expected to see when he died, it wasn’t this.
Ben didn’t know what exactly to make of the creature before him. It looked like some sort of ysalamiri, glistening, sickly pink, with some sort of cat smile. In all his research in the Force, he had never ever seen a creature like this, that greeted him in a way that was almost like a friend.
“Ben Solo,” said the creature. “It’s been some time.”
“You’re not what I expected,” Ben finally said.
“Not truly,” said the creature. “There are more aspects of the afterlife than even the Force would truly cover. Your Force, at least.” Then, “I’ve been waiting for you, Ben Solo. I’ve been wondering when you’d understand.”
“What do you mean, exactly?”
***
The creature’s name was the Axolotl, a deity of sorts, and it could be merciful when it wanted to be.
“You didn’t invoke my name when you died,” said the Axolotl, “But your journey is yet unfinished. Your grandfather’s journey was left complete, but yours is not. One life saved does not make up for other lives lost.”
“I know.” Ben already felt a stinging sort of humiliation even as he remembered, all too well. He’d gone to Exegol to try and help Rey — but what had been the point, in the end? After all, he had only gotten himself knocked into a pit, and for what, exactly? So Rey could die, even temporarily? What had he even done, besides kill the Knights of Ren (which he still regretted) and sacrifice himself to save one person?
And he hadn’t even gotten to see Poe again. Properly apologize. He wished he had. After all, Poe…he hadn’t deserved any of this.
The Axolotl continued. “You have committed a great deal of heinous crimes, Ben Solo. Killing off many of your bloodline. Torture. Mass murder. But in my eyes, anyone can redeem themselves if they so wish it.”
“How?” Ben’s voice cracked as he spoke. “Maybe it’s best for everyone that I stay dead. Be carted off to whatever darkness awaits me.”
“But your story is unfinished,” said the Axolotl. "Self-pity does not awaken the dead or atone for your crimes. That is the key, is it not? Recompense. As opposed to thinking no one will forgive your grievous offenses."
Ben paused. As much as he hated what he’d become…yes, if there was a way to amend what he’d done, he’d gladly take it.
“A different form, a different time,” said the Axolotl. “But the sentiment still remains, doesn’t it?”
Ben nodded. He didn’t know how this would all work, but he knew that he would give just about anything and everything just to make sure there was a way to make things right.
“I’ll take it then.” Ben said.
***
He knew what to do now, when he awoke before the raging fires of the Academy. A fire that he hadn’t meant to start, but it had — had he even started the fire? He still couldn’t remember what had happened…
But he knew where to go, at least. He’d go to his parents. They at least had a right to know about what happened.
And despite everything that happened, Ben knew at least he was just beginning to start in the right direction.
I’m going home.