Chapter Text
Bradley stumbled in front Laura, her laughter could be overhead through the crowd. She didn’t know why she agreed to this. But as she continued to trust Laura in guiding her through the crowd and readjust her blindfold to try and sneak a peek, Bradley felt the all consuming warmth that was spreading inside her.
From what she could hear, she figured there must be hundreds of people around the area. Santa Claus is Coming to Town was blaring through multiple speakers that Bradley couldn’t help but bop her head to the music. After spending the day with Laura inside the house, enjoying the rare occasion of being at home the same day, the brunette had asked if she was willing to go out.
She agreed immediately, of course. Any time spent with Laura was precious, no matter how mundane it would turn out to be. So now here she was, tripping over herself as she kept a firm grip on Laura’s hand behind her.
“Where are we?” Bradley asked once again.
Laura moved up behind her, leaving no space between their bodies. She felt the shiver that ran down her spine, as Laura’s breath grazed her ear. “I told you it’s a surprise.”
Bradley whined, “This is so not fair, Laur.”
She heard Laura chuckle, her voice deep against her ear. “Just be patient. I can think of a few ways to thank you later when we get home.”
Bradley swallowed back a groan and tapped the arm that found its way around her waist, “That’s not helping.”
Laura’s laugh was music to her ears. She took pride in knowing that most of the time, she was the reason behind Laura’s happiness.
“Come on, blondie, we’re almost here.”
“I don’t even know where ‘here’ is,” Bradley muttered under her breath, earning her playful slap on her ass.
After a few more minutes of walking and tripping and bumping into people, Laura finally held onto her shoulders, before rounding up in front of her. “Can I take it off now?”
Not wanting to prolong it any further, Laura ran her hands up Bradley’s arms, slowly tracing a path to her shoulders, and finally untying the blindfold before combing her hands through her hair. “Hi.”
The smile that Bradley gave her could light up the entire plaza, Laura thought to herself. She’s mesmerizing, breath-taking, and just so undeniably gorgeous that Laura felt so honored to call Bradley hers.
“Hi yourself,” Bradley chuckled in response before she looked around and realized where they were. Her eyebrows furrowed and she looked back at Laura. “The tree lighting ceremony?”
Bradley looked on at the sea of people in front of them. They were up on a higher ground, they could see the tree clearly but they were far enough to be away from the crowd and minimize the noise.
The venue was filled with eager people, both locals and tourists basking in the jolly atmosphere as they vibe to the performances on stage. Bradley’s eyes swept through the vibrant displays scattered around. She remembered seeing this last year but she didn’t bother attending. Nothing about the festivities usually appealed to her.
“What’s Christmas gotta do with you, Brad?”
It was like a punch in the gut. She shook her head to get rid of the memory. Hoping it would vanish for the night.
Her attention jumped to the ice rink down below and Bradley had to admit, she had always wanted to try it. She noticed the people milling around; some with their families, friends, partners, and some alone. A strained smile made its way to her lips, an unfamiliar feeling settling on her chest.
“I thought you might like to see it up close,” Laura answered slowly.
Before she could dwell on the thoughts that were forming in her head, Bradley shook them away and focused on Laura. If she could kiss her right then and there she would but she’s not one for excessive public displays of affection so she opted for pressing her lips to Laura’s cheek, pulling back just enough to whisper in her ear.
“I love it, thank you.”
Laura matched her smile with one of her own, thanking every deity responsible for giving her this magnificent woman. She wrapped one of her arms around Bradley and pulled her flush against her side. This felt right. Sharing this moment with Bradley, she knew she made the right decision.
She had not mentioned the real reason why she brought her here. This year would be their first Christmas together after all and in all the years that she went to see this tree lighting ceremony in person, she never bothered to invite anyone, even when she was dating somebody at that time.
It felt too personal, too intimate of an information to share with someone she wasn’t sure would stick around. It was ironic really, that an event that was meant for the public could be so significant for her.
A loud voice carried out through the speaker interrupted all of them, signaling that the tree would be lit soon. She was glad to see Bradley’s eyes lit up at the news.
Yes , she definitely made the right decision.
Bradley looked at Laura, laughing as she squeezed her hand, “I’m so glad you brought me here.” She felt her lips on top of her head, eyes closing at the sensation.
At some point Laura offered her a bite-sized fruit cake which she took gratefully. There were a few more performers, all of which delighted Bradley to no end. She didn’t realize that Christmas could be this fun. Not the bullshit she showed for The Morning Show but actually having fun with the person she loved most.
The next song came on and Bradley stole a glance at Laura, a mischievous smile on her lips. When the older woman looked back at her in question, Bradley only wiggled her eyebrows before she sang along, “I really can't stay…”
Laura rolled her eyes, “I’m not going to sing.”
The fun side of Bradley was persistent. She held up her hand as if holding a mic, “I gotta go away…”
Laura let out a snort.
Bradley continued, “This evening has been…So very nice.”
Despite herself, Laura ended up laughing at Bradley’s attempt to get her to sing along. She shook her head and tugged Bradley in front of her and encircled her arms around her waist. She heard the blonde’s chuckle and felt her lean back into her. She rested her chin on Bradley’s head, perfectly content at the moment.
As the song continued, she decided to humor Bradley who was still singing along. She moved her face just a little and sang the words next to the blonde’s ear, “Baby it’s cold outside...”
Bradley laughed out loud, throwing her head back on Laura’s shoulder, “So thanks for the show…”
“But baby it’s cold outside…”
“The welcome has been…”
“How lucky that you dropped in…”
“So nice and warm…”
If anyone would ask about this particular moment, Laura would deny it to no end. This was for Bradley and only Bradley, no one else.
“Ladies and gentlemen, the time has come to welcome this holiday season,” they heard from the stage. “Everyone please come join me as we countdown from 10! 9! 8!…”
As the ginormous tree was lit, the crowd erupted in cheer. The plaza glowed in colorful streaks of light, it bounced off on every possible surface, decorating the area in a magical atmosphere. There was some whistling, clapping, and a collective excited chatter as every person in attendance watched in awe. The music blared once again, completing the Holiday scene.
“God, it’s beautiful,” Bradley breathed out. This was even better than what she had expected. It was literally breath-taking to look at.
Laura smiled behind her. “It is, isn’t it?”
“So,” Bradley shrugged. “What’s the real story here?”
“What do you mean?”
“I never pegged you as someone who enjoys something so,” Bradley paused, looking for the right word. “Loud.”
Laura sucked in a breath, not really prepared to reveal something so personal in this setting. But as she relished in the feeling of having Bradley in her arms and looking over at the towering tree in the middle of the plaza, she felt at peace.
“My grandmother used to invite me and my brother to her house every 1 st of December after she set up her tree. She’d give us the same fruit cake that we ate a while ago. Then she would tell us one of her Christmas stories while a song plays in her record player. After that, she’d grab our hands and ask us to light the tree with her.”
Bradley knew how much Laura’s grandmother meant to her and that it was still painful for her to remember the old woman.
“When I moved to New York, I would go here for the tree lighting. I would call her just to feel near her and I’d tell her about my life here and she’d tell me about her current hobby.”
Bradley smiled, “I’m sure she loved that.”
Laura nodded against her, “She did.” She paused for a while, Bradley noticed. When she continued, her voice got thicker, “The first Christmas after she died － I thought about not going, it didn’t seem to matter anymore but my brother called me and he asked me something that made me change my mind.”
“What was it?”
“He asked if she would know that we’re continuing this tradition even after she’s gone. What if she could see the same tree that we’re looking at from wherever she is.” Laura buried head on Bradley’s neck, inhaling her scent, trying to keep herself together.
Bradley’s heart ached for her girlfriend. She caressed the side of her face with her left hand, offering her as much comfort as she could.
“And that’s why I brought you here. I want to share this with you. Make it ours. I know she would’ve loved you.”
She turned in Laura’s arms, holding the brunette’s face gently. “I would’ve loved her too. Thank you for including me, I know how important this is to you.”
Laura closed her eyes, pressing her forehead against Bradley’s. “I love you,” she whispered.
Bradley caressed her cheek and smiled, “I love you too.”
She tilted Laura’s head and threw caution out into the wind as she kissed her softly, heart fluttering at the sigh she heard from her. It was rare for Laura to seek comfort but when did ask for it, Bradley was more than happy to provide it.
But then it hit her.
She pulled abruptly from the kiss, eyes shut as she exhaled sharply. Her hands shook beside her before she curled them into fists.
“What are you gonna do, Bradley?”
Her head jerked at the memory, the sound of a menacing laughter caused a chill to run down her spine. She opened her eyes and saw the worried look on Laura’s face.
She forced a smile. “I’m fine. It’s getting too cold out here,” she said even as words continued to assault her.
“Where’s little Brad gonna hide, huh?”
“You little piece of shit.”
“You’re never gonna be enough for anybody.”
Laura didn’t know what happened but as she stepped towards Bradley and took one of her hands, she knew she needed to be tread carefully. “Let’s go home?”
The blonde nodded her head, her right hand unconsciously squeezing one of Laura’s tight enough to hurt. But Laura didn’t complain.
When the car arrived to pick them up, Bradley put as much space between them in the backseat. Laura let her.
They didn’t speak on their journey home. The silence enveloped them like a thick smoke threatening to suffocate them. Laura’s eyes would drift towards Bradley every few seconds, itching to reach out and ask her what happened. She tried to study her face but with Bradley staring out the window, Laura could only note the way her eyebrows moved just a fraction, the set of her jaw, and the clenched fists on her lap.
She’d approach her when they’re almost home, Laura thought to herself. So she stayed silent, hoping that the rest of the night would go smoothly.
She tried to recall everything that happened. Bradley seemed fine, she was having fun for the most of it, right? Laura thought maybe she wasn’t paying attention but it seemed unlikely. She couldn’t tear her focus away from Bradley even if she tried.
The car finally reached their street and slowed down. Laura took a deep breath before laying a hand on Bradley’s thigh, gauging her reaction.
Bradley jumped at the contact. She looked up and saw Laura looking at her with concern.
“Where did you drift off to?” Laura asked quietly. Her thumb lightly caressed Bradley’s thigh as if to comfort both of them.
Bradley furrowed her eyebrows, seemingly confused herself. It hadn’t happened in a while. Random flashbacks transporting her back to the past she’d worked so hard to bury. Her eyes traveled back to Laura, looking for something she didn’t quite know. But she immediately felt the flashbacks fade away, tuck themselves into the back of her mind, and wait for another bout of vulnerability to claw its way back to the surface.
So she held Laura’s gaze, anchored herself in this exact moment, and covered the hand on her thigh with her own. It wasn’t enough. She looked away from Laura, brought her hand to her lips and placed a gentle kiss on the back of her hand before she cradled it on her lap. She knew Laura would understand the gesture. She’d let her walls down again when they’re in the comfort of their home and not in the backseat of a car.
And she’s right. The brunette didn’t push for more details. Instead, Bradley felt her move closer before Laura nuzzled her hair, dropping a kiss on the side of her head.
This, Bradley realized, was what had been missing all her life. Someone who understood, or at least someone who would stay long enough to understand.
When they arrived at home, Laura took her hand and didn’t let go even as she unlocked the door. She silently followed the older woman into the living room and sat down on the couch when she felt a nudge on her shoulder.
Laura bent down to kiss her head again. She heard the words whispered against her hair, “I’ll be right back.”
Bradley nodded absentmindedly. She tried to collect her thoughts, put unnecessary memories into little boxes, help her relieve the heaviness that took residence in her chest.
Once again, she startled at the hand on her shoulder. She looked up to Laura and raised her eyebrows.
Laura shrugged and held up the bottle of scotch and two glasses. “I figured we could put in that Christmas movie you love and drink some alcohol,” as she said this, Laura moved to sit down beside her, feet tucked underneath. She placed the bottle and glasses on the table before she faced Bradley, one hand on the back of the couch, the other on her thigh.
“We can do anything you want,” she offered softly. “Just don’t ask me to sing if you want this night to end well.” She probably shouldn’t have made the joke at this time but she couldn’t help it. She’d do or say anything to bring out a smile on Bradley’s face.
And there it was. The smile that made her fall in love with Bradley a little more each day. One that was reserved for her. It was the smile that always filled her with warmth.
Bradley scooted closer and leaned her head on Laura’s shoulder. “Just hold me for now.”
Laura shifted and unfolded her feet in front of her, taking space over the length of the couch, before snatching the throw blanket. This forced Bradley to be trapped in between the couch and Laura, so the older woman wrapped an arm around her, while the other searched for Bradley’s arm, curling it over her waist. She covered them with a blanket and felt the blonde snuggle closer.
“I’m sorry,” Bradley said after a while.
Laura shook her head, holding her tighter, “No need to be sorry.”
“But we were having a good time and you － ”
“You don’t have to be sorry for something that’s out of your control.” She heard Bradley sigh as she caressed her arm. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Bradley remained silent and decided to bury her face in the crook of Laura’s neck.
Laura felt the soft kiss against her skin and couldn’t help but smile. There were so many things that she found so precious about Bradley and her physical affections were one of them. She waited patiently for Bradley, giving her the space she needed to compose herself.
“Flashbacks,” Bradley whispered.
It was enough to make Laura’s heart ache. She tightened her hold on Bradley and tangled their legs together. She felt the need to mold them with each other. If it were possible, she’d tuck Bradley inside her and shield her from everything that had and could hurt her.
“What were they about?”
Bradley sighed. “My family, my childhood. All the holidays I’ve spent either alone, crying, or hiding from my dad because he’s drunker than usual.”
Laura’s hand paused its movement, confusion taking over her face. “This isn’t the first time?” She felt her stiffened against her and Laura sighed. “I’m sorry you had to go through that,” she murmured against Bradley’s hair.
“It’s the Holidays, I guess.”
“I wish I could’ve been there for you.”
“You’re here now.” Bradley smiled against Laura’s neck. She moved her arm and started playing with Laura’s necklace, tracing the details of the scarab hanging by the chain.
“I’ve never had that, a tradition. My family could barely function on a regular day, much less on special occasions. When we were out there tonight, I guess I felt out of place.” She felt Laura tense beside her and quickly clarified her statement, “I mean, of course, I had fun. It’s one of the best experiences of my life, especially with you. I just － I wanted to be able to share something that was special to me too, you know? Because for the most part I know I’ve brought my shitty life into yours and it feels like I’m still waiting for things to fall apart. And I know I won’t be able to stop it.”
Laura pursed her lips as she contemplated Bradley’s words. She looked around the living room and tried to pick the right words. “Then I’ll help you do it.” Bradley craned her neck and glanced at her in question. Laura shrugged before giving her a faint smile, “keep things from falling apart. There’s no reason for you to do it alone when you have me.” She paused to let Bradley process her words. She needed Bradley to know that she’s there and she won’t be going anywhere.
“And we could always make new traditions. One that could be special for both of us. Because I would love that, you know? To make new ones with you.”
Bradley pulled back from Laura to look her directly in the eyes. “What did I do to deserve you?” she asked in a whisper.
Laura’s smile turned into a smirk, prompting Bradley to raise an eyebrow. “Must be your reward for being a good girl.”
Bradley’s laugh echoed throughout the house and Laura acted on the sudden urge to pull her on top, wrap both of her arms around Bradley, and steal a quick peck on her lips.
Bradley’s smile didn’t falter even as turned serious. She finally shrugged and said, “I really enjoyed this evening with you.”
Laura beamed at her, “Really?"
The blonde nodded her head, “I look forward to doing it again next year.”
And with that, Bradley told herself, this was it.
“Go on then, put the ridiculous Christmas movie on so I can complain about it,” Laura teased as she watched Bradley get up from the couch and cross the room.
Yes, definitely made the right decision.