Work Text:
one more night – stars
You'll never touch him again
So get what you can
Bleeding him empty
Just because he's a man
So good when it ends
They'll never be friends
One more night
That's all they can spend is
He’s frustrated; of one thing he’s sure.
Erwin is too weak. Everyone is, compared to Levi, and he hates himself when he becomes conscious of it. But for either him or the others, it is nothing but the bitter truth, and he values honesty.
He wasn’t ready for this the first time he met Erwin outside, after dinner, dim stars dotting the pitch-dark sky, wind rustling through the tree’s leaves. The proposal was there about twenty minutes later; because Erwin is weak and made of flesh, just like all men, and he couldn’t keep his hands to himself. Levi snorted, even if he could understand it, but he despised the man’s actions and words as he unceremoniously led him to his recently-appointed bedroom.
“Levi”, he had sighed, closing the door behind him. His voice reeking of giddiness, relief, whatever the fuck it was, something close to desperate lust. “Levi.”
Levi wasn’t particularly sweet when it came to making other men come, but by the way Erwin had moaned that night, it had probably been good enough for him. Levi knew it was; because someone like him could only be too good for someone like Erwin, who was weak and so unmistakably human.
“We are not friends”, he reminded the commander as he left.
Levi thought he would make him stay, but he didn’t. Instead, Erwin just nodded in agreement, a little taken aback because no one had ever given him that reaction after a good night's fucking, and it wasn't like he considered himself a pro, but he thought the bolo tie and the patches on his jacket would have left a good impression. But Levi seemed to know more about this sort of exchange than he did, acting more aloof than him outside the bedroom where they keep meeting over and over again. Perhaps that had been a foolish proposal on his part.
Now he felt ashamed whenever they crossed each other in the halls.
Levi was making sure any residual tie between them was hidden from the world. Erwin wanted to make him stay and perhaps explain himself, but—
The man had something about him, a face and fists that screamed “fuck around and find out if you dare to disagree”, and he didn’t want to find out so soon, he would like to prolong the dream. He would like to entertain the thought of them finding some wretched solace in each other, despite the ludicrous impossibility of it all.
So he reluctantly agreed to the rules of the game. He usually sat in silence on the nights they didn't meet, nursing the sinking feeling in his chest telling him “this was not made for you”. Maybe it wasn’t meant to happen, but Erwin was an old man who still dreamt like a child, stubborn and hopeful. And he still wanted him, in spite of Levi's cold treatment of him, which he never actually found a reason for. He figured protective measures where used to ensure no one suffered any more damage than they should. It was merely a professional consideration,
not an act of kindness,
not an insinuation of anything more than flesh against flesh.