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Seven weeks, two days.
It was not in their plan yet. She still had to finish her fellowship and Jeongwon was still too busy being the only Pediatric Surgeon in the famous Yulje Hospital. They had little to no time.
When Gyeoul learned that she was pregnant, her immediate thoughts were, 'Abort mission! Abort mission!'
It was not that she wanted to abort her pregnancy, she couldn't do it of course. It was a part of her and a part of the love of her life. But she felt like she needed to stop everything, she needed to take a break. This little news was too much for her, no, it was big news for her, for Jeongwon.
She thought she'd never get pregnant, she adored children and loved seeing her partner taking care of little children, but she didn't have any maternal instinct whatsoever. Even the thought of her only growing old with Jeongwon by her side without any mini version of themselves surrounding them had crossed her mind. It would be just the two of them.
Growing up in a hell-like home, with a pathetic childhood, she didn't like the idea of becoming a mother herself. And yet she was here, the pale pink positive pregnancy test told her otherwise. She did have to be a mother ready or not.
"Gyeoul-ah?" Jeongwon interrupted her busy mind, knocking on the bathroom door. "Gwaenchana?"
Gyeoul didn't have the time nor fast enough to hide the pregnancy test, Jeongwon's eyes were immediately drawn to it.
"Are you really?" Jeongwon asked her slowly, not sure what his wife was exactly feeling.
Gyeoul nodded her head with tears gleaming in her eyes. She gave him the test and got out of the bathroom suddenly feeling hot. "Are we ready for this, Oppa?"
Jeongwon's frown turned into a grin. "I'll make sure that we are. You don't have to worry about anything." He pulled her into a hug.
She settled her head on the blade of his shoulder, breathing his scent. "I'll take a break from my fellowship, then."
He lifted her head up. "Andwae, Gyeoul-ah, you don't have to. You're almost done with your fellowship, in just what? 5 months?"
She looked deeply into his eyes, looking for any hesitation but found none. She nodded and rested her head back against his chest. "We're going to have a baby."
Ten weeks, three days.
She ran as fast as she could to the nearest bathroom and started heaving nothing into the nearest toilet bowl she could find. Being pregnant and trying to finish her fellowship sucked. She was always so exhausted she could barely get through the day.
She flushed the toilet and leaned back against the wall, trying to think of happy thoughts instead of horrible thoughts about her pregnancy. Maybe, just maybe, she could stop throwing up then. But her body seemed to rebel against her. No matter how much she tried to hold herself, taking deep breaths to calm her body, she always felt the need to throw everything; if there was anything back out. She was tired. Her body was aching.
She closed her eyes, trying to think of her husband. Jeongwon had been so supportive. If she threw up at home, he would take her hair into a ponytail with one hand and the other hand would gently rub her back, so her muscles could relax a bit. He would kiss her crown and whisper sweet nothings and that he loved her very much. He would help her stand up and tuck her back into the bed. He always gave her his love, love, and love. Nothing less.
But there was no Jeongwon right now. He was working and she had to go back to work too. She pushed herself to stand up, swaying a little when she realized she's dizzy but thankful that there was a wall behind her. She tried to calm herself down again by washing her face in the sink.
"Gyeoul-ah?" Jeongwon called her once she was out of the bathroom. He had been waiting for her there apparently after a nurse told him that his wife was throwing up in the bathroom. "You look horrible." He hugged her, not caring about patients or other staff that might've seen them. His Gyeoul was his priority right now.
She chuckled. "I feel like it too."
Jeongwon frowned. "Do you want to go home?"
She shook her head. "I can't, I have so many things to do today."
His frown deepened, seeing how much his wife really took her work seriously. It was not the first time that she refused to go home even though she was exhausted. "Arasseo, but if you need anything, call me." He handed over a bottle of water that he had been holding.
"Eung." She gulped slowly, closing her eyes, focusing on anything else rather than the funny feeling in her stomach.
"Or do you want to get some rest in my office?" He offered one more time even though he already knew the answer.
"I'll be alright, Oppa. But I'll take up on that offer if my body can no longer hold the exhaustion."
"Geurae. Don't get too tired." He held her hand. "Remember our baby." He put his hand on her non-existent bump, but they knew it was there. Their baby was resting there.
Twelve weeks, six days.
Gyeoul rested her throbbing head on the head of the bed and closed her eyes briefly. She was reading some journals for her upcoming surgery. She opened her eyes to the brightness of her laptop one more time. She knew she had to rest, her body begged her for it, but she forced herself to read ten more pages. Just ten. She promised.
She looked to her right to find Jeongwon sleeping peacefully while snoring a little. She couldn't sleep but smile and kiss his forehead gently, afraid of waking him up. It's two-thirty in the morning.
She closed her laptop, got up from the bed, and walked to the kitchen to get some snacks to help her get through the night. She needed at least a cup of tea since she couldn't drink coffee anymore. She also needed some fruits to relieve her hunger.
"Gyeoul-ah?"
Gyeoul jumped out slightly, not expecting anyone to say anything. She whipped her head around to see Jeongwon standing in front of their bedroom with his eyes barely opened.
"What are you doing up?" His voice was still groggy and raspy in the sexiest way possible.
Gyeoul who was looking for any fruit in the fridge before, shrugged. "Looking for something to eat, I'm hungry."
"You wake up and go to the kitchen in the middle of the night because you're hungry?" He chuckled. "You should've told me. I'd be more than happy to fulfill your needs."
Well, she was not technically waking up just because she was hungry. She was still awake - that was the truth. Yet she couldn't tell him that. She knew he'd scold her because she was not taking care of her body well enough.
"Eung..." She lied to him guiltily, not meeting his eyes. But Jeongwon was still not awake properly that he didn't see through her lie and instead he helped her to find a box of strawberries and cleaned them for her. She wanted to ask him to also make a cup of tea for her but he'd definitely ask why so she skipped that part.
They went back to their room, cuddling with each other. Gyeoul happily ate the strawberries with Jeongwon sometimes stealing some from her and making her pout. He kissed her pout away and chuckled.
"You're the cutest. Go to sleep now, eo? Let me wash the plate first." He took the plate from her and went to the kitchen.
With no caffeine going inside her system, she couldn't keep her eyes open any longer. She really had to finish reading it another time.
Fifteen weeks.
She'd lost track of time.
She had planned what would she do today, from getting the laundry done, working on the final touches for her thesis, buying some groceries, and so on. Yet, here she was, standing in front of a full-length mirror at the back of the bathroom door, checking on her body, and got distracted.
She couldn't help but stare at the now obvious bump between her hip bones. Gyeoul had always been thin and fit, so any bulge that was in her stomach, she would notice right away.
She turned her body from the left to the right, checking on every possible angle the bump could be seen. For all the morning sickness, weird cravings, hormonal situations, and ultrasounds, until that point, she felt like it was all only in her mind like her pregnancy wasn't really real. But now, looking at the tiny bump that would probably be invisible to anyone who didn't know her body as she did, this was clearly no longer make-believe.
She smiled at herself.
The little baby inside of her that she thought she would never have, the bulging in her stomach she thought she would never see, the pregnancy she thought she would never experience, all those thoughts disappeared.
This was real and she couldn't be happier than ever.
"Annyeong, aegi-yah." She tapped her index fingers against her bump. This was the first time she talked to her baby since she found out about her pregnancy.
She was rewarded with the tiniest burst inside her stomach as if her baby knew that their mother just greeted them.
No, she thought. Definitely not make-believe.
Eighteen weeks, five days.
"We might be able to find out the sex of your baby today, would you like that?" Yang Seokhyeong smiled at them.
"Ne." Gyeoul replied with the same nice smile as the professor.
Please be a boy, Gyeoul prayed internally.
She didn't know why she wanted to have a boy truthfully, she would be glad either way, but the thought of having a little Jang Gyeoul running around scared the shit out of her. So, she'd rather have a little version of Jeongwon, who was warm, caring, soft-spoken, and overall perfect.
She didn't grow up in the friendliest environment. Her father was abusive towards her, her mother, even her little brother. That's why she always felt the need to push herself so she could achieve something and get out of that embarrassing household. Maybe that was also the reason why she didn't want a girl because she was afraid her child would turn out like her, the cold, overachiever, unfriendly being.
Seokhyeong moved around the wand on her lower stomach before he settled with the answer. "It's a girl."
Oh god, why.
She could see Jeongwon's eyes brightened and his facial expression was priceless. "Jinjja, Seokhyeong-ah? A girl?"
But somehow she couldn't be as happy as him, she could only fake a smile.
"We're having a girl, Gyeoul-ah!"
She nodded with tears in her eyes, threatening to fall down. She didn't know if they were happy tears or not.
When they climbed into the car, Gyeoul still couldn't peel her eyes from staring at the ultrasound images in her hands. She couldn't explain her disappointment in having a girl, well, she was not actually disappointed, but she had already planted having a boy image in her brain that she was too shocked for words. And now that she knew that wasn't the case, she realized it might've been wishful thinking.
"Gyeoul-ah, you don't seem to be so happy." Jeongwon frowned, taking one of her hands away from the images she was holding too tightly.
She sighed. "It's not that I'm not happy, Oppa. You know about my family and my father and I'm just-" She felt her throat tighten. "I'm afraid that our daughter will turn out the way I do."
"Gyeoul-ah." He lifted her head up so their eyes could meet. "You know we're not your parents, I'm not your father."
"I know, but-" Gyeoul was quick to dismiss but Jeongwon cut her.
"We're not." He stared deeply into her eyes, to convince her.
Gyeoul released a breath she didn't know she held in. "It'd be much easier if we have a son, you know."
"Why would it be easier?" Jeongwon scrunched his face.
"Well, for example, he would turn out perfect just like you and-" She tried to come up with more answers but found nothing. "I don't know."
"Exactly. Little Gyeoul would also be perfect." Jeongwon assured her.
Twenty-three weeks, one day.
She was cross-checking and putting on the final touches for her thesis when she felt her head spinning.
This had been happening for the last three days and she knew she was sick even though she hadn't told her husband. She didn't want him to constantly worry about her when she knew he had so much work to do.
She closed her eyes for a minute, to calm her mind and her body down. Maybe she tired herself too much that she needed a quick break. After a quick break, she stared at her laptop again and put down some notes. She had to finish this as quickly as she could if she wanted to graduate soon. She wouldn't let anything get in the way, including this dizziness.
Jeongwon got out of their bedroom after getting ready.
"Are you ready, Gyeoul-ah?" Jeongwon asked with a smile.
"Uh- ne." She seemed distracted, closing her laptop and tidying up her papers. "Give me a second." She quickly went to the medicine cupboard in their bathroom and swallowed a headache medicine to relieve the tightening in her head, not really thinking about the consequences.
In the car, Jeongwon found her falling asleep. The distance between the hospital and their apartment wasn't far and Gyeoul had never once fallen asleep just for a fifteen-minute drive. This got him worried. Gyeoul was usually chatty in the morning and yet here she was fast asleep in the car. He kept glancing in her way, but assuring himself not to think negatively, he kept his eyes on the road and let her sleep instead.
As soon as he stopped the car in the basement, Gyeoul woke up. She winced quietly when she opened her eyes and closed them again for a brief moment. She felt so cold that she felt herself shaking.
"Gyeoul-ah, gwaenchana?" He touched her cheek only to find her skin felt warm. "Are you sick?"
"Ani." She closed her eyes one more time. "Gwaenchana."
He noticed now that her skin was flushed. She was definitely sick. "You're warm."
"Gwaenchana, Oppa. Let's get out of the car." She tried to smile and gathered her belongings. "What time will you be finished?"
"Let's get inside. You're definitely not feeling fine." He frowned, looking at his hard-working woman.
Feeling tired of arguing, she nodded.
Jeongwon gently put his arm around her waist, letting her lean against him in the elevator. She closed her eyes one more time, feeling her dizziness lessen.
"Gyeoul-ah, come rest at my office first, eo?" Jeongwon whispered against her crown. "I'll tell Ikjun so you can rest for an hour or two."
She wanted to argue, but like before, she just felt too tired, so she nodded. "Please tell him I'll go back to work after lunch."
Twenty-six weeks, four days.
A day after she completed her fellowship under the auspices of Lee Ikjun in the HPB Surgery Department, her mother visited her.
"Oh, Gyeoul-ah, your baby's getting so big." Her mother gasped immediately putting her hands on her daughter's rounded belly. Gyeoul and Jeongwon had told their mothers once the first trimester passed by and their mothers now couldn't wait to become grandmothers.
"Eo, Eomma." She chuckled, putting her own hands on top of her mother's.
"Are you feeling fine?"
"Eo."
Her smile now widened. "I haven't congratulated you for finishing your fellowship. I'm so proud of you, uri ddal."
I'm so proud of you, uri ddal. She smiled at her mother. It had been quite some time since she heard that nickname.
"Gomawo, Eomma, for always supporting me." Gyeoul wasn't a crybaby but she couldn't help but shed some tears.
"Aniya." Cho Sunyoung chuckled and wiped her daughter's tears away. "How is my grandbaby? Is it a girl or a boy?"
"A girl." She answered.
"I will have a granddaughter?" Her mother squealed in joy making the soon-to-be parents laugh. "Does your mother already know, Ahn Seobang? Or am I the first one to know?"
Jeongwon chuckled. "My mother doesn't know, we're going to visit my mom next week."
"I'm the first one to know?" Sunyoung repeated the answer feeling excited.
"Eo, Eomma." Gyeoul laughed again. All of her worry about her pregnancy and how she'd bring a child into her life had vanished seeing how supportive her husband and their parents and their friends were.
"Don't forget to tell your mother that I'm the first one to know, Ahn Seobang!" Sunyoung said again because this is the first time that she found out first before her son-in-law's mother.
Twenty-nine weeks, two days.
"Oppa, I'm home!" Gyeoul called for Jeongwon with a gallon of paint in each of her hands.
Jeongwon walked out of the room and scolded her. "You're not supposed to carry heavy stuff around, Gyeoul-ah." He took the gallons out of her hands.
"I'm pregnant, Oppa, not crippled." She rolled her eyes, but seeing the upset in his eyes, she smiled and kissed him. "I'm fine, Oppa, don't worry. Let's paint our baby's room now, shall we?"
He broke into a smile after seeing her smile. Her smile was contagious. "But you can't climb up anything, okay? Paint the bottom part of the wall."
"Ne, Gyosunim." She rolled her eyes one more time hearing her husband using his mentor voice again. Her husband was really protective of her and their soon-to-be-born baby.
She decided to paint their daughter's room pale yellow because it was the color of the sun and her baby would always be happy seeing the color. It was a nonsense thought but Gyeoul could always blame the hormones later on.
She was sitting down, painting the last part of the wall when she heard something fall. She looked to her right to see her husband on the ground with paint all over himself and on the floor.
"What happened?" She laughed out loud, seeing him now covered in yellow paint, especially on his hair and face.
He frowned. "I wanted to draw something on the wall but somehow my limbs didn't cooperate like I wanted them to."
She shook her head, still couldn't stop her laughter. She even got teary eyes from laughing too much. "What did you want to draw, Oppa?"
"Flowers or sunshine maybe." He shrugged, getting himself up to check on the mess he made. "I'm so sorry, yeobo. I'll buy another gallon later."
She smiled before she smirked. "You always call me 'yeobo' whenever you feel guilty. Gwaenchana, Oppa. This gallon still has some left. Go clean yourself up, I'll clean up your mess."
He nodded before standing up. Gyeoul started laughing again, seeing the tracing of his body on the floor.
He smirked. "I'm glad you find this so amusing, Jang Gyeoul-ssi."
Thirty-one weeks, four days.
Jeongwon was awakened by the sound of something crashing in the kitchen.
"Gyeoul-ie?"
Just then he noticed that his wife was no longer beside him on the bed. "Gyeoul-ah? Gwaenchana?" He slowly walked to the kitchen sleepily.
He then heard a banging noise that could only mean something crashed against something, and a quiet sound of 'ow!'.
He turned on the light to see Gyeoul sitting down in the center of their kitchen.
"Why don't we have any greek yogurt?" She yelled in frustration, with one hand massaging her head.
He chuckled, realizing her behavior. "Because we haven't eaten them in a long time, remember?"
He saw her pout one more time and he shook his head. "Is your head okay, though?"
"Eo. Hurt a little bit." She put her hands on the ground and tried to push herself up but to no avail. "Can you help me up, Oppa?" She waved her hands towards him.
"Come here." He pulled her and hugged her instantly, making her yelp. "Do you want greek yogurt?"
"Eung..." She trailed off slowly. "I don't know why I woke up in the middle of the night and suddenly craving greek yogurt."
He looked at the clock that was in the living room. 1:43 am. "I'll get one for you now, okay?"
"Ani, you don't have to. It's late and-"
"I'm sure there's a convenience store somewhere that's still open." He squeezed her shoulders gently.
"I'll come with you, then." She stated while walking to the entrance door.
When they finally found a convenience store that was still open, which was 20 minutes from their apartment, they bought a bunch of them to supply her for a long time. They also bought a couple of food that she might've wanted some time.
She hugged him and rested her head against his chest. "Thank you for putting up with my odd behavior."
He chuckled before he kissed the top of her head. "Anytime, yeobo."
Thirty-four weeks, six days.
"Are you sure you don't want to take your maternity leave yet? I mean, you're pregnant, Gyeoul-ah. Really pregnant."
"Thank you for telling me that I'm fat, Oppa." She rolled her eyes.
"No, I'm not. It's just-"
She chuckled. "I'm kidding, Gyosunim." She put on her maternity dress and put her hair in a ponytail. "So many new opportunities that I can learn nowadays, Oppa, and I don't want to miss some seminars."
"Yeah, but how about attending those seminars after you give birth?" He suggested.
She shook her head. "It's fine really." But before she took another step, she felt a sharp pain in her lower abdomen that she had to bend and grab her stomach to slightly relieve the pain. "Omo."
"Mwo? Wae?" Jeongwon immediately was beside her, holding her up. "What's happening?"
"I don't-" She drew in a deep breath. "-know, but it hurts."
"I'll take you to the hospital. C'mon." He helped her walk into the car and rushed them to the hospital.
She squeezed one of his hands that was not on the wheel and closed her eyes. Trying to breathe through the pain.
Jeongwon kept glancing in her way, frowning slightly because he couldn't take her pain away. "Are they Braxton-Hicks contractions, Gyeoul-ah?" He asked when he felt that Gyeoul no longer squeezing his hand.
"I don't know, it might be but why does it hurt so bad?"
After three hours of monitoring Gyeoul and their baby, Seokhyeong assured them that the contractions Gyeoul was having were indeed Braxton-Hicks contractions, which were a thorough review of what "true" labor would feel like.
"Please take your maternity leave as soon as you can, Gyeoul-ah." He pleaded at her. "My income is enough for the three of us, right? You can always go to work later after you give birth."
She knew he was right, so she just nodded. "Ne. I'll apply for the leave later."
Thirty-seven weeks, one day.
Gyeoul kept rolling on the bed, repositioning herself and yet didn't find comfort whatsoever.
She groaned, got off of the bed, and walked to the bathroom.
"Stop kicking my bladder, aegi-yah, come on." She relieved herself a little bit after releasing the liquid, even though there was not much.
She got back on the bed to finally find a position that was comfortable enough for her and her baby. When she almost fell asleep, she found herself wanting to cry because of the pain in her stomach. She knew it was not a contraction, it was a different feeling. She knew it was the baby that was changing her position or something.
"Oh gosh." She wanted to scream not only in pain but also in frustration. She hadn't had a proper sleep in months.
"Gyeoul-ah? Gwaenchana?" Jeongwon mumbled, waking up from his own sleep.
"Your daughter is using my uterus as her personal swimming pool and is doing a trick." She muttered in a sarcastic tone.
He chuckled. "Don't you mean our daughter?"
"When she's using my ribcage as her private jungle gym, it's your daughter." She hissed with a playful tone in her voice.
He laid on his side to stare at her face. "You're blaming the Ahn gene in her for this?"
"Ani." Gyeoul squinted her eyes. "Maybe. I don't know, but please tell her to stop."
He chuckled one more time, before kissing and patting her stomach gently. "Annyeong, aegi-yah, can you not roll around so much? Your Eomma is hurting." He could also feel their daughter's acrobatics himself.
Somehow she calmed down a little bit, only kicking his hand here and there.
"Talk to her again, or sing, or something. She seems to be listening to you more than me." She shook her head and laughed softly.
He started singing to her with his soothing voice, calming her more and more until she didn't kick around anymore. Gyeoul couldn't fall in love with him more than that moment.
Thirty-nine weeks.
Gyeoul had been having contractions since midnight. She knew they were contractions but she thought they weren't as painful as they were supposed to be, and thinking they were yet another Braxton-Hicks contractions, she didn't pay mindful of them.
She got through the day, only stopping some time to take deep breaths when she felt the pain was too much.
When the clock reached 6 pm though, the pain was almost too much she couldn't let herself stand up anymore. She slumped down in the living room with sweats pouring down her body. She looked everywhere for her phone, hoping it was somewhere close to her but found nothing. She prayed internally for Jeongwon to come home soon because she couldn't take it anymore. It was almost too much.
Then she realized, she was having real contractions. She had been for the past 11 hours. Oh god, how come I'm a doctor and didn't notice this earlier? She cursed herself.
She could feel her underwear dampen and immediately knew that her water had just broken. Her contractions were getting closer and more painful. She closed her eyes because she couldn't stop herself from shaking.
Thank god her husband reached home not until 10 minutes later. Seeing Gyeoul's painful expression, he knew. This was the day.
He immediately ran towards their bedroom to get the hospital bag that she had prepared a week earlier, before helping her stand up.
"Op- pa." She clenched her teeth. "My water broke there." She tried to lift her hands to point at the spot.
He noticed it and nodded. "I'll ask Junwan or anybody to clean it up later, okay? Don't worry about it." He kissed her sweaty temple. "Now, let's have a baby."
One week, three days.
"Can I see her, Gyeoul-ah?" Minha pleaded once she and her boyfriend arrived at the Ahn household. "I miss her!"
"She's sleeping, Eonnie. Annyeonghaseyo, Gyosunim." Gyeoul bowed politely to the professor that helped deliver her daughter a month ago.
"Seokhyeong-ah, where are the others?" Jeongwon called his best friend from the kitchen. He was preparing for a feast while their best friends visited them to see their newborn daughter.
"Ikjun and Songhwa are still in the lobby waiting for Junwan and Iksun. Annyeonghaseyo, Jang Seonsaeng, how are you feeling?"
"So far so good, Gyosunim." She smiled and welcomed the guests in.
It was not until 10 minutes later that the rest of the group arrived. They brought fruits along with some side dishes so Gyeoul didn't have to cook.
They chatted and had dinner together because it had been quite some time since the last time they had it.
"But thankfully your daughter looks exactly like you, Gyeoul-ah, with those dimples and big eyes." Ikjun complimented their newborn daughter.
"Geurae, Jang Seonsaeng, I can't imagine if she was born with Jeongwon's features." Junwan added.
"Yah! She'd still look very beautiful." Jeongwon didn't agree. "She definitely has my nose and a lot of hair just like when I was born."
"And that's a pity." Junwan didn't want to lose.
Jeongwon was ready to throw the spoon that was in his right hand when a cry was heard from their bedroom.
"Haneul is awake!" Songhwa exclaimed with bright eyes.
"Let me bring her outside then." Gyeoul volunteered and stood up to go to their bedroom. She smiled looking at the beautiful creation she and her husband made. "Haneul-ah... your Samchon-deul and Imo-deul are here, are you ready to meet them?"
Haneul tried to open her eyes and blinked a couple of times. She then flashed a small smile that showed her dimples.
"Geurae, let's go outside."
Just like that Ahn Haneul added a lot of joy and happiness to the group of friends that turned into family. From something Gyeoul and Jeongwon had been worried about to something they couldn't live without and couldn't imagine their lives without. Their bundle of joy.