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“Soulmates never mattered to me – I always had an inkling I’d be the black sheep and fall in love with someone I wasn’t destined to be with. It seems to be working out nicely, though,” Louis said with a smile, looking over his shoulder at Harry who stood with a group of friends crowded in front of the TV.
“But is it the same with Harry? Like you know for a fact that he doesn’t want that either? He comes off as a pretty traditional guy to me,” Rebecca tried to hide her frown, an attempt to soften the blow.
“He’s never really mentioned it as such. He loves me, we’ve been dating for three years, and he’s not getting any younger. If he was going to leave me for his soulmate, don’t you think it would’ve happened by now?” Louis’ tone was hopeful like he was trying to convince himself rather than Rebecca.
“Well, he doesn’t even have to leave you really, it’s fairly common for couples to be dating people other than their soulmates and still be in contact with them, you know?”
“So, like, dating two people at once?”
“Doesn’t have to be polyamorous, I know my cousin’s met his soulmate but him and his wife are still together. They’re just like best mates, I guess,” Rebecca shrugged, thanking her girlfriend when she brought her another drink. Louis looked at Harry, wondering why he hadn’t brought Louis a drink as well.
“I don’t know if Harry would ever want that to be honest – he’s very possessive,” Louis giggled, and Rebecca nodded knowingly. All their friends knew how sensitive Harry was when it came to Louis.
“But would you be okay with it? If it was Harry’s soulmate?”
“I don’t know, really. How would it even work out? How much contact would I even have with them?” Louis doubted, “I just think it’s silly that we have to wait around our entire lives for this one person. Can’t even feel secure in a relationship knowing a stranger could walk in at any given moment and claim what’s yours, you know?”
“Well, it’s how nature decided it should be,” she said pointedly.
Louis groaned, “It’s dumb, I don’t think I want anything to do with either of our soulmates.”
Rebecca sighed, returning to her plate of food while Louis, in his annoyance, decided to leave his naggy friend and join his boyfriend instead. Soulmates be damned.
“Hey, honey,” he sidled up to his man, Harry’s arm sliding down Louis’ back to rest on his hip and pull the boy closer to his side. Louis smiled at the kiss pressed to his head in acknowledgement before Harry continued the conversation with the other guys. He didn’t bother taking part in it, listening in sometimes but mostly focusing on the game infront of him and the man beside him. Tall and broad, roman features with a greek sex appeal–all Louis’. Rebecca didn’t know Harry like he did, she didn’t know how much Harry loved Louis. Louis was the most important thing to Harry, he knew that he had nothing to worry about.
“That was nice, wasn’t it? Haven’t met some of those lads in months,” Harry commented while pulling out of their friend’s driveway. Louis tugged Harry’s free hand onto his thigh, smiling when the man wrapped it around Louis’ bare leg. “Looked so fucking sexy in these little shorts, baby, can’t believe I get to have you. No one could stop admiring you there.”
Louis giggled at his boyfriend’s comments, “You’re not so bad yourself.” He thought to himself about how he had to ignore the constant bitter looks he’d get from people everywhere they went, Harry’s charm and attractive demeanor inviting fleeting glances and desperate, wanting stares. But Louis never paid much mind to them; Harry and he only had eyes for each other. They were too in love to think about anyone else.
“Have you ever thought about your soulmate?” Louis brought up the question in bed one night, right after Harry had rolled off of him and was laying on his back next to Louis. The boy was still on his stomach, chin propped up on his forearms.
“What about them?” Harry asked, switching off their bedside lamp.
“I was talking to Rebecca at the party, what we’d do if we ended up meeting our soulmates when we’re still together.”
Harry hummed, pulling Louis closer to his chest. Louis felt exposed until his boyfriend kissed him gently on the mouth, repeating the soft gesture thrice before he began to respond. “I’m in love with you.”
“Hmm,” Louis shut his eyes for a moment, pleased with himself when Harry peppered kisses along his face. “I can’t ever imagine leaving you, for anyone.”
“Oh, baby, neither can I.”
“Not even for your soulmate?” Louis asked, blinking his eyes open to look at the man.
“Not even for my soulmate,” Harry promised, smiling down at his boy.
“But you want them in your life?”
“I’d want to meet them, yeah. I think there’s a reason we have soulmates out there somewhere, we kind of need them, don’t we? Don’t always have to be with them though. My parents were soulmates and they ended up divorced.”
“How does that even happen?”
“You find out you have differences in the end, I suppose. Mum’s well happy with the new guy, and he’s never met his,” Harry commented. Louis remembered how happy Jean had looked at her wedding two years ago; he had attended with Harry and it was a beautiful affair.
Louis’ own parents were soulmates and he had grown up only seeing such couples. He never thought it was a possibility to have relationships outside of that until he was 21 and still hadn’t met his supposed destiny.
“I don’t think I have a soulmate,” Louis lamented, which made Harry chuckle and kiss his pout.
“Everyone does, baby.”
“Why can’t you be my soulmate? I think we make a perfect couple, don’t you?”
Harry laughed in the breathy, charming way that he did. Louis felt his heart grow twice the size of it, he was so in love with the man. “I wish we were, baby. But nature had other plans, I guess.”
“Would you love me more if I was?” Louis asked quietly, looking up at Harry and he knew his eyes were teary and gloomy. He hated how much such conversations affected him, especially right after sex. He was always too emotional.
Harry bit Louis’ cheek playfully, “Have I made you cock dumb, baby? Is this a thing, being nonsensical after getting pounded?”
Louis gasped, “Harry! Don’t be so vulgar.” He groaned, shoving his face in Harry’s chest, cheeks heating up with embarrassment.
Harry raised a brow. “You were literally calling me Daddy, like, ten minutes ago,” he said accusingly. His fingers were digging into Louis’ smooth back and the gentle pressure was lulling the boy to sleep.
“Shut up. I hate you,” Louis whined, before throwing his leg over Harry’s waist and giving up on fighting sleep any longer. Sex always made him so tired, even though he didn’t do much besides lie there and take it with the occasional moans and cries and soft muttered words to stroke Harry’s ego. Men liked that.
With Harry working over time for a promotion at the company and Louis spending long days in the new art studio he had designed in their house, both of them were too busy to bring up soulmates again. August slipped away leaving rushed weeknight dinners and early mornings where one of them always seemed to just miss the other in its wake.
They met her at a fundraiser Louis was auctioning a few of his potteries at. She was a guest speaker and ended up buying Louis’ favourite blue vase with handpainted doves. Blonde curls strategically placed over her shoulders, a green dress that matched the exact shade of Harry’s eyes, a single bare shoulder glittering with the purposeful body shimmer, and a brilliant white Bottega in hand. She was a vision, and Louis was the one who pointed out how pretty she was all before Harry had even set his eyes on her. It was immediate; the second the man’s gaze fell on the mystery blonde, her shoulders turned towards the couple and stopped mid-conversation to look right back at Harry, offering him a warm yet confused smile. Harry couldn’t stop his own from taking over his face, and when Louis saw it, he couldn’t help but let his arm slide out of Harry’s.
“What is it?” The boy asked, setting his champagne flute on the table. Harry seemed wistful, still smiling at the woman who was now walking up to them. He didn’t get an answer, however, the man beside him was already taken away by the blonde.
“Evelyn Grant,” she offered Harry her beautiful, manicured hand. The man took it immediately, standing up on his feet as if his seat was on fire. Louis suddenly felt too warm under the hot lights in the banquet.
“Harry Styles,” Harry brought her hand up to kiss it. Nothing new as Harry was a gentleman, even kind of a flirt though Louis usually didn’t mind because he knew it was just Harry’s personality. He was only being kind. But that was usually , not when he had some kind of magical connection with a beautiful stranger they met a second ago.
She smirked, not pulling her hand out of Harry’s grasp. “Whatever that was– I’m glad to finally meet you.”
“It’s funny how the universe works, huh? You can really meet your soulmate anywhere. ”
And what ? Louis wasn’t sure he heard that right, his heart dropping to his stomach when the words left Harry’s mouth.
“Good thing I didn’t stop looking five years back. That just felt incredible.”
Harry chuckled at her words. She wasn’t trying to be funny , Louis thought to himself.
“The pleasure is all mine; I can’t believe it only took us about thirty something years.” Harry’s constant hearty laughs were making Louis squirm in his seat. “This is my partner, Louis Tomlinson.”
Louis scoffed in his head. Partner , because “ boyfriend ” would probably sound too immature in front of the older woman.
“Mr. Tomlinson, I’ve just been through your display– you’re brilliant. I mean, it’s truly stunning. I have my eyes on one of your pieces tonight.”
“Please, call me Louis. And thank you, happy to hear that. It’s for a great cause,” Louis smiled curtly, his voice not sounding as energetic as it had been when he spoke to the beneficiaries all night long, convincing them to empty their wallets for hearing impaired kids.
Evelyn had joined them at their table and Harry was enraptured by every word that came out of her mouth. The rest of the night went like that, until Louis left the table to attend his clients. He didn’t meet Harry again till they were ready to leave, Evelyn beside him as they came up to get their coats. The man had casually helped Louis into his own, leading him to their car after the two of them saw Evelyn off at hers as if he hadn’t spent the past hour and a half ignoring Louis for the woman’s attention. The boy didn’t mention it again.
They were eating dinner in front of the TV when Harry brought it up. “Is it okay if I meet Evelyn again?”
It had been a week and a half since the auction and they hadn't had the soulmate talk yet. Louis was happy in his state of blissful ignorance, pushing that night to the very back of his mind and continuing his life with his boyfriend as if nothing had changed. But something had a monumental change in their lives. In Harry’s life. Louis didn’t want to think what it meant for their relationship but at that moment he was forced to face the fact that Harry had met his soulmate.
“Why are you asking me that?” The pad thai was burning Louis’ lips, they were pink and swollen and he couldn’t fully close his mouth because of the burn. He suddenly wanted the ground to swallow him whole, a strange sense of insecurity flooding his mind as he hoped he looked okay in his flushed state. Damn his sensitive palate. And damn Evelyn for being a beautiful woman.
“Because it’s the right thing to do, baby,” Harry offered him a soft smile, shifting his leg so his thigh slipped under Louis’ knee, effectively bringing the boy’s legs on top of his own. The term of endearment and close proximity had calmed Louis’ nerves. He licked his lips, willing his chest to stop burning. Was it the Thai chilli? Had to be.
“You want me to say yes.”
Harry frowned, his eyebrows cinching together in a way that would otherwise look intimidating, but Louis knew his frowns meant he was upset and equally as nervous as Louis.
“I want you to be honest. I don’t want to do something you don’t want, angel. I’d like to know how you feel about her.” After three years together, Louis knew the soft tone of Harry’s voice and serious words cushioned with sweet pet names, big hand holding Louis’ barefoot, rubbing his heel, all meant he had high hopes from Louis’ answer. He wanted to hear a specific answer, and Louis knew exactly what that was. He just wasn’t ready to give the green light.
“Your soulmate,” Louis couldn’t help but stiffen as the words left his mouth. He couldn’t stop his expression from turning sour when he saw the way Harry’s face lit up at the term, green eyes getting the glimmer Louis had learnt meant that he was in a trance. He had seen that same look in his eyes on their first date, and everytime they made love, or when he’d wake up on a Sunday morning to see Harry already up and showered, lying beside him and watching him sleep.
“So would you mind?”
Would I mind? Louis thought to himself, Harry had no idea about the gravity of what he was asking of Louis. He wanted a happy, enthusiastic yes. A go ahead, she’s your soulmate after all. Would Louis mind? What entailed Harry seeing Evelyn again? A relationship? He knew Harry couldn’t and wouldn’t stop at merely a friendship with the person he was quite literally destined to be with. It didn’t help that she was one of the most beautiful women Louis had seen, born to fall in love with his boyfriend. The man Louis had spent three years loving and picturing a future with, a future that seemed too far away now.
So he did what any loving partner would do. “No. She’s your soulmate, you deserve to see her again if that’s what you want.”
And the smile on Harry’s face, the way he tugged Louis’ ankle until the boy was on his lap, the softness with which he cradled Louis’ cheek and the force with which he kissed Louis’ fiery lips was enough to subside any and all disastrous thoughts in the boy’s head.
He still had his Harry, they loved each other and Harry would never give that up for anything else. Louis could tolerate him having a soulmate, he could do it because he loved being loved by Harry, even if he had to share it.
The week after, Louis found himself steaming a shirt Harry was going to wear to his dinner with Evelyn. He felt bile rise up his throat so he swallowed, trying to put forward a strong front and be a supportive boyfriend. This was Harry’s soulmate, someone very important to the man and Louis wasn’t about to ruin their night by an emotional breakdown. He knew Harry would cancel his plans to stay back with Louis and reassure him with loving, tender touches but no matter how bad Louis wanted that, he couldn’t ask that of Harry. It was selfish, just because Louis didn’t have his soulmate didn't mean Harry shouldn’t go out and connect with his own. And either way, Evelyn coming into his life didn’t mean Louis would be kicked out of it.
“I love you. So much, baby. So goddamn much, thank you for letting me do this.”
“Don’t be silly, you don’t need my permission to see your soulmate Harry.”
“No, I know. But I’m still happy you’re being so lovely about this all. You’re an angel, baby. Thank you for trusting me,” Harry said, holding Louis’ shoulders firmly and pressing a soft kiss to his mouth. “Not a lot of people would agree to their boyfriends going on dates with their soulmates.” The man chuckled while clasping his watch around his wrist. Louis always found Harry putting on a watch strangely sexy and he felt butterflies in his stomach just standing there watching Harry get ready for the night.
“So it’s a date?” He probed, not expecting the word to be used to describe the dinner. He supposed Harry was right, what else would you call a candlelit dinner with your soul mate, alone together for the first time?
“Date, dinner. Whatever you wanna call it, I’m just happy I have someone as kind as you, baby.”
“Alright then, you’re already going. Don’t need to pile it on anymore,” Louis scoffed, hoping it would cover the dread in his voice. He felt odd about Harry describing it as a date and being so grateful to Louis for letting him go. If it was just a friendly dinner, why would he be so surprised at Louis saying yes and supporting him in his decision to meet her?
“Not piling it on, sweetheart. Genuinely grateful for you.”
“I love you,” Louis smiled, pushing up on his toes to kiss Harry’s cheek. “Be good.” He patted the lapel of Harry’s smart jacket, getting a bright grin from the man in return.
“I will, I’ll see you in a while, baby. Don’t wait for me though, you have work tomorrow.”
“I’ll always wait for you,” Louis said in a softer voice, not sure if Harry had caught it or not. But he did, and he sent Louis a smile from the doorway that made the boy’s neck feel warm. “Drive safe,” Louis waved him off, tugging his cardigan tighter around his torso as he watched Harry pull out of the driveway.
Turned out, dinner went too smoothly according to Harry, enough that he spent the next few evenings texting the woman while Louis tried to watch the show on TV, ignoring the annoying pinging sounds of her texts in a row. At that point, Louis wished they’d just see eachother again so he didn’t have to watch Harry’s face literally light up everytime he got a text and not just from the screen’s projection.
On Thursday, Harry told Louis he was going for coffee with Evelyn and Louis didn’t really care because he had a meeting with a store owner who was interested in displaying Louis’ work, something he had been waiting months for. He told Harry about how successful it went when they sat down for dinner that night and the man kissed his cheek, promising to take him out on Saturday to celebrate.
The next afternoon, Louis received a too big bouquet of peonies with a card from Harry’s office stuck at the top.
For my brilliant and beautiful boyfriend,
Proud of you x H
The peonies went into a vase for the kitchen table and the card went into his wallet as a good luck charm.
When Harry got home, Louis greeted him with a sweet kiss and Harry’s favourite cilantro rice for dinner, grateful for having a supportive, loving boyfriend.
“This is really nice, baby.” Harry complimented, clearing the table while Louis topped off his wine glass. The boy blew him a kiss in return, patting the chair next to him when Harry turned around from the sink. As soon as he was on the seat, Louis climbed into his lap and popped open the remaining buttons on his work shirt, pushing it down his shoulders to expose the white vest underneath.
The boy started by gently kissing Harry’s neck, over his mole, the soft hair on his chest, the rough beard under his chin. He nestled his hand behind Harry’s head, right under the silky short, curls at the nape of his neck. Louis yanked slightly, just the way he knew Harry liked it. And he got an immediate response, like clockwork. Harry’s hands went to hold Louis’ hips in place, pushing the boy down on his crotch roughly.
“Hmm, you’re in the mood tonight?” He teased, biting Louis’ bottom lip until the boy whined.
“Always in the mood for you, Daddy,” Louis moaned, slinging both arms around Harry’s shoulders and rutting down on the man’s lap.
Harry chuckled at the pet name Louis loved to tease him with, slapping the boy’s ass gently as a warning. “You’re very playful, baby.”
“Only way I can seem to get your attention lately,” Louis whined, throwing his head back when Harry reciprocated the kisses on his neck.
Harry made a sound of disapproval, “You always have my attention.”
“Fuck me, then. Stop talking and take me to bed,” Louis snapped, his bratty attitude taking over at Harry stretching foreplay far too long for his liking. He needed the man to throw him on their bed and take his mind off things, not tease him. The teasing was for Louis to do.
Harry growled playfully, biting Louis’ collarbone, “Whatever you want, princess.”
Now, Louis loved Harry for many reasons, he was smart and kind and caring. It didn’t hurt that he was fit as hell and checked off all the boxes from Louis’ wet dreams. One of those boxes was Harry’s love for pleasing him. As much as Louis loved serving Harry and satisfying him, it took a real man to do the same for their partner. And Harry was a pro at it, if Louis had anything to say about it.
All Louis had to do was throw his head back on his silk pillow, bury his hand in Harry’s hair, and relax. The man got to work between Louis’ legs, tucked away under the sheets, pleasuring his boy with hot and heavy strokes of his thick, wet tongue, sucking around his hole and biting his cheeks in the way he knew only Harry could. He let Louis control the pace, tugging him closer and deeper and wrapping his thighs around the man’s shoulders. Louis was horrible at giving orders in bed, so thankfully Harry didn’t need any instructions on how to eat pussy. He was just that good at it.
Once Louis came with a loud cry, not having touched himself once, Harry popped his head out from under the sheets, grinning ear to ear. His mouth was wet, his hair was disheveled and his eyes were blown out.
“My turn?” He grinned, wrapping his hands around Louis’ waist and squeezing greedily, “Come on, baby, flip over.” He said, his voice impatient. Louis saw his hard, painful looking red cockhead slap against his abs, mouth watering at the sight. Of course the man got hard while eating Louis out, he seemed to enjoy it almost as much as Louis did. The smaller boy sighed, blissed out and too spent to be a brat about Harry’s impatience. He wordlessly rolled over onto his stomach, pushing his hips up to give the man a better angle, rested his head on his forearms and drifted off in ecstasy.
Harry had a brunch meeting with his boss on Saturday, which turned into a 5 hour long board room talk, and the man came back home tired out.
When he finally got home late afternoon, Louis got him tea and let him be in the living room, busying himself with chores he had pushed back throughout the week. Every now and then he’d pass by the sofa where his boyfriend was slumped over, and he’d see him flipping through sports channels and cartoons, shirt pulled out from his trousers and feet hanging over the armrest. Louis fondly took off his socks, a long pair with skeletons on them. A gift from Louis himself, like most of Harry’s quirky belongings were of course.
He had hoped they could go out for date night, but he felt bad about how tired Harry was and didn’t want to push him too hard. They could order in and Louis could cuddle up beside the man in front of the television, that would be just as good as a fancy dinner if not better.
Louis heard Harry’s phone ring while he emptied the dishwasher in the kitchen, and then a rushed conversation.
“Yeah, sounds good. I’ll be ready by eight.” Harry said, walking into the kitchen with a grin on his face.
“Ready for what?” Louis asked, drying his hands on a tea towel.
“Evelyn’s taking me to some concert,” Harry announced, “Not sure who’s playing though, should have probably asked her.”
Louis knew his face fell at the mention of Evelyn, for some reason he had forgotten she existed over the past few days. “Oh, aren’t you tired?” Louis pushed, and then immediately recoiled, cringing at the desperation in his voice.
Harry raised a brow, “I’m good, baby. Never too tired for a concert,” He shrugged. “You should go to that thing with the girls that you were telling me about.” Harry suggested, pointing towards the boy.
“The drag show,” Louis dead panned, “We were supposed to go to that together.” And we were supposed to be celebrating a new breakthrough for my career today, Louis thought to himself bitterly. It was the only reason he had told his friends Harry and he wouldn’t make it to the show, because it was date night.
“Next time, baby,” Harry called out behind him, already making his way upstairs to get ready for the night.
Louis ended up going out, not wanting to feel completely miserable by himself, alone on a Saturday night while his boyfriend was out with his soulmate. All the girls brought their partners with them, and none of Louis’ favourite queens were on that night, so he left after one drink. He walked all the way home, resisting every urge to stop at a corner store and snag a pack of cigarettes.
He was already in bed when he heard Harry lock the front door, and then walk upstairs with heavy footsteps. He walked into the room quietly, not wanting to wake Louis. The boy pretended to be asleep, enjoying watching Harry move around the room on his tiptoes.
When the man finally slid into bed, he lay on his back, reaching one arm over to Louis’ side, gently touching the boy to see if he was not too deep asleep. When Louis nuzzled his cheek against the hand on his shoulder, Harry hummed.
“You’ve got glitter all over your hair, I’m guessing you went out, then,” Harry whispered, kissing Louis’ bare shoulder.
“Hmm, how was the concert?”
“Boring. I thought we were going to see Paul McCartney or something, it was just a bunch of band nerds on stage with all the types of guitars I can’t tell between,” Harry groaned, tucking his face in Louis’ neck, “Evelyn enjoyed it though. I tried to, for her sake.”
“That’s nice,” Louis replied, letting his eyes fall shut peacefully when he felt Harry’s leg over his waist, pulling him back. “Good night.”
“Night, baby.”
That night marked the beginning of the end. Harry and Evelyn spent a lot more time together, Harry spent the weekends at her house and wouldn’t come home from work until much later on weekdays, having gone for drinks or to the gym with Evelyn. She had gotten him a premium membership at a fancy gym under her name, and Harry would even push himself out of bed on Saturday mornings to pick the woman up and drive straight to their workout. Louis kept himself busy with his pottery, but not one night went where he didn’t wait for Harry to come back home. Some nights he’d stay in bed, pretending to be asleep, other times he’d be waiting for the man in the living room, half empty bottle of wine in front of him.
It went on for a few weeks, he met Evelyn a handful of times in passing, exchanging polite hellos while they waited for Harry to come down the stairs and join them in the foyer, where he’d kiss Louis’ forehead, grab his coat and leave with Evelyn.
One of those days, Louis invited Rebecca over and told her about everything that had happened the past two months. Evelyn entering their lives and the drift Louis felt between Harry and himself lately.
She comforted Louis over their spread of take out from Louis’ recent favourite Italian restaurant. “That’s normal, babes. Of course you feel like you’re losing him, because he’s lost himself in his new soulmate. But this is Harry we’re talking about, he’s like completely obsessed with you.” Rebecca said with an exaggerated sigh, making Louis smile. “Whatever this is, it’ll wear off soon. The first few weeks with your soulmate are important in strengthening that bond, once they get the hang of things it’ll die down.”
Louis hoped she was right.
Maybe Rebecca forgot to add that sometimes those initial weeks could go upto months, because it was October, the chill was setting in and the distance between Harry and Louis only seemed to leave more and more space for the cold drafts.
They lived in the same house, brushed their teeth side by side every morning, had dinner on the kitchen table and slept in the same bed each night, but Louis felt empty. The last time they had sex was the Friday he had cooked Harry dinner, and that was a month ago. Of course, they had done other things since then. Last Monday, Louis had quickly blown Harry in the shower, but that felt more like routine than something exciting and fun. They kissed in bed sometimes, and Louis would shove a hand down the front of Harry’s boxers and jerk him off until the man came in his hand, moaning into the boy’s neck. Then, he’d roll over to pass Louis a box of tissues and press a kiss to his cheek as if Louis hadn’t just fisted his cock under the sheets.
Most nights Harry wouldn’t join him on the sofa after dinner, instead choosing to sit in their backyard with his pack of cigarettes and Evelyn on the phone. Louis offered him a blanket the first four times, and then gave up on initiating any further contact between them until the man reciprocated Louis’ affection.
That never came, and Louis’ heart sank the longer it took for Harry to reach out.
The boy was sick of waiting for Harry, he missed the man’s love and affection that he was so used to receiving endlessly up until the last few weeks. So that day, he decided he would confront Harry once the man returned home.
“How was work?” Louis attempted at making conversation with Harry over dinner, but he curtly replied by saying he was full. He had been late because he and Evelyn went to the sushi bar that opened recently near Harry’s office. Louis’ hatred for sushi seemed to grow.
“I’m tired, Lou. Can we do this tomorrow?” Harry scratched at the back of his neck, stretching his legs out in front of him. Louis quietly put his fork back into his salad bowl.
“I’m only trying to talk, darling,” Louis comforted, reaching a hand over to the man’s knee, curling his fingers around it. Harry got up at the touch, sighing as he began walking upstairs. Louis could feel his eyes prick with tears as he abandoned his dinner to follow the man. He knew he should have stayed back, ate his dinner quietly and gone to bed after he couldn’t hear any more noises of Harry still awake in their bedroom. He knew that was the right thing to do to protect his own self respect, but he threw that thought to the back of his mind when he trailed after Harry like a lost puppy.
Harry started stripping off his clothes as he walked into their bedroom, Louis hot on his heels.
“Haz, what’s wrong?” The boy’s voice came out more like a whimper, and he felt sad for himself then, standing in the middle of their room in just an old football jersey. It was Harry’s of course, Louis having expected some kind of feral reaction from the man at the sight of his boy in his clothes, with his last name on the boy’s back, smooth thighs falling out ready to be held. Louis bent down to collect Harry’s clothes, quickly holding them up for a deep inhale before the man could turn around and tell him that was weird and question him any further.
He didn’t know if Harry had heard him or not, he felt as if he had whispered to the dark, empty room instead. So he followed Harry to the bathroom.
He brushed his teeth and did his night time skin routine, which unbeknownst to Louis had shortened from six steps to just two over the last few weeks. He thought about the lights still on downstairs, the food still out. He’d have to worry about tomorrow morning, as Harry had walked up to his side of their sinks beside him. Louis swallowed the cries threatening to come bursting out, forcing a smile when Harry turned around to face him. Under the soft lights of their bathroom, the man’s broad shoulders and black ink over his tanned and bare skin made Louis’ legs shaky. He recognised the familiar movements of Harry’s arms coming in to press a routine kiss on Louis’ mouth, but the sudden shock on the boy’s face made Harry stop, sucking his teeth when he realised what he was about to do. Both of them awkwardly took a step back, Harry returning to the sink to wash up.
“So what, you can’t kiss me now?” Louis snapped, willing his tears not to fall. “When was the last time you kissed me, Harry?” Louis asked accusingly.
Harry frowned, “You’re being dramatic, we kiss all the time. What is it with you right now? I have a fucking headache from work, Lou. I don’t need an additional one when I get home,” Harry grunted, slamming the light switch off as he left the bathroom.
Louis felt unable to move, he grabbed onto the bottom of his shirt, something to keep his hands from shaking. After a moment to himself in the dark bathroom, he walked out. Harry was at his desk, his laptop was open and he was standing in just blue boxers. Louis quickly slid under the covers, not wanting to look at Harry for a second longer. The man joined him, his movements loud as he fell onto the bed, disregarding the boy next to him and how he disrupted Louis’ perfect pillow positioning and blanket tucking. He threw his long limbs all over their big bed, Louis groaning when Harry’s heavy arm fell above his head.
“This isn’t weird, is it?” Harry asked after a few minutes of lying next to each other in silence.
“What?” Louis snapped.
“Sleeping together. I mean, is that okay? Now that I’m–”
“Now that you’re seeing your soulmate?” Louis gulped the choke in his throat, turning his neck to look at Harry. The man shrugged, which was an awkward shove of his shoulder in his current position laying sideways, nudging into Louis and almost knocking his elbow in the boy’s eye. “Do you want to sleep separately now?”
“Maybe? I don’t know…” Harry’s eyes looked remorseful. “Do you think Evelyn would mind?”
Louis stiffened at the mention of the woman, “She knows we are together, Harry.”
“But should we be together like this right now?”
The words made Louis’ heart drop into his stomach. He felt his face redden up, full of anger, humiliation, and sadness.
“Fuck you, Harry,” he spat, swinging his legs over the side of the bed as he gathered his pillows into his arms, rushing out of their bedroom before Harry could try and stop him. Not that he did.
The next morning, Louis woke with a cramp in his neck because of his uncomfortable position on the sofa, chills rising on his legs because he forgot to turn the heating up in the living room or get a blanket. He felt angry tears in his eyes when he thought about Harry not even bothering to come down to check on him and get him a blanket after he stormed out.
It was still early in the morning, the screen doors were wet with morning dew and Louis took the time to make himself a cup of the herbal tea his mum had left the last time she visited. Back on the sofa, he cradled the hot tea close to his face, breathing in the minty scent to open up his blocked nose, finding himself wheezing from the cold draft in the living room. He felt the heat of the tea warm up his cheeks, his wet eyes dampening them further. He spent half an hour cleaning from the mess from last night until he heard familiar footsteps on the stairs, he quickly wiped under his eyes and returned to the sofa, staring ahead at the blank TV screen.
“Good morning,” Harry called out. Deep down inside him, Louis hoped Harry had teary, red, sleepless eyes and looked like an outright mess, the way Louis did. But no– he looked as fresh and cheery as ever. An Adonis, who broke Louis’ heart into a million pieces, now standing proud in a pair of dark jeans and a sweater, hair made in his usual gelled swoop, and all of his rings on his big, veiny hands.
“Morning,” Louis answered, not running up to greet the man with a kiss and a green smoothie in hand like he usually does. He stayed on the sofa, now turned towards the screen doors that were quickly clearing up to look out into their backyard. The sun was fully out even in October and the stray cat Louis fed was waiting expectantly on the patio.
“You didn’t make coffee?” Harry asked, a small frown on his face as he went about the tedious task of making himself a beverage so early in the morning.
“I don’t drink coffee,” Louis simply shrugged, pulling his cardigan tighter around himself. Harry looked at him for a moment, studying his face. Louis wondered if he picked up on the tell tale signs of a sleepless night on the boy’s swollen face. Even if he did, Harry made no comments on it.
“Alright, then. I have an important meeting today.”
Louis zoned out after that, tucking himself into the corner of the sofa as he continued sipping on his now lukewarm green tea.
“Louis?” Harry’s call broke Louis out of his zen zone.
“What?” Louis turned towards the man.
“Lost you there for a bit. I was asking if you want to join me for lunch today,” Harry gave him a soft smile, walking up to the sofa with his coffee.
Were all men as disregarding and ignorant to their partners’ emotions as Harry was? Louis had always put the man on a pedestal, deeming him superior to any other guy simply because he was so in touch with his feelings and so in tune with Louis’. He always knew how to take care of the boy, until now it seemed. Right now, he acted as if their little spat the previous night had never happened. As if Louis hadn’t just spent the night alone on their sofa, waiting for Harry to come downstairs and get the boy in the middle of the night which he never did.
“We can get your favourite from Jackson’s,” Harry called out, not waiting for Louis’ reply as he grabbed his bag and headed out. Louis’ new favourite restaurant had changed weeks ago, it wasn’t Jackson’s anymore but Harry was still clueless. It wasn’t like they had been on any of their lunch dates recently, so how was he to know?
Louis watched the man leave, waited for the sound of the car driving out of the garage until he couldn’t hear it anymore before he fell back onto the sofa with a sigh, empty cup still in his hands.
Louis decided he wasn’t going to let himself be treated completely like shit, and if Harry wanted to sleep separately he could go downstairs and try to find a comfortable position on their sofa. Louis was not going to leave his egyptian cotton sheets and memory foam mattress for anyone. The next night, Harry joined him in bed silently, neither of the men commenting on it as they fell asleep side by side, an unsaid boundary built between them.
They even went out for lunch to Jackson’s, and a few days later to Louis’ new favourite Italian place after the boy mentioned it. At home, they mostly kept to themselves, but Harry made the effort to kiss Louis on most mornings, a fleeting kiss that almost felt friendly, with how quickly Harry’s lips would leave his. Some days Louis wondered if he had just dreamt it all along. The boy didn’t know what was going on, but he figured balancing a boyfriend and a soulmate without setting any boundaries must be confusing and difficult to Harry, who was also completely new to the arrangement. He was trying, Louis would tell himself as he plated Harry’s dinner or when he ran to the door last minute to press a kiss to Harry’s cheek and wish him a good day at the office.
On a rare night, Louis found himself curled up in Harry’s arms, his temple resting on the man’s chest, basking in the comfortable silence and listening closely to Harry’s heart beat. Evelyn was travelling out of the city to visit friends, and Louis had Harry all to himself for the weekend, the boy was ready to make the most of it.
“What’s it like?” Louis asked, chewing on his bottom lip, before looking up at Harry. From that angle, he could see the scars of the stitches Harry got on his chin two years ago from a skiing accident on their holiday in the Swiss Alps, Louis’ birthday gift to his boyfriend, and a smattering of facial hair. “Having a soulmate?”
Harry sighed, the sound reverberating against Louis’ cheek. “The first time I saw her, it was instant. A warm feeling in my stomach, like I was just given the best news of my life.”
The best news of his life had been seeing Evelyn for the first time. It was a hard pill to swallow, but Louis did it anyway, if only for the content smile on Harry’s face.
“And then being around her feels like I’ve just finished a puzzle I’ve spent hours finding the last piece for. Soulmates complete you, I never really fully believed in that, though I did always hope I’d meet mine one day. And now that I have, I feel so full, so whole.”
“But you loved me,” Louis’ voice sounded choked, and he felt embarrassed for not having a brain to mouth filter. He had been the one to bring up the conversation, knowing he could be hurt by the honest truth, and now he was close to tears because Harry was expressing his happiness. He was angry but the sadness coursing through his chest felt worse.
“I do love you, baby,” Harry confessed, “I never stopped. With Evelyn, it’s different. You have to understand, angel. We were literally made for eachother. It’s in our makeup to feel complete once we find our soulmates.”
Louis ignored the wet, hot feeling on his cheeks. Harry cupped his face, peppering gentle kisses along his forehead before resting his own against it.
“Do you think I’ll ever meet mine, Harry?” Louis asked. Did he want to meet his soulmate? Did he even have a soulmate out there? And if he did, could he ever love someone like he loved Harry? If what Harry said was true, he’d have no choice but to fall in love with some stranger as soon as he set his eyes on them.
He felt the man stiffen, inhaling deeply like he did when he’d kiss Louis’ forehead, always complimenting how nice the boy’s hair smelt, soft and silky against Harry’s scruffy cheeks.
“I hope you do, sweetheart. I want you to feel this complete happiness take you over. It’s unlike anything else.”
“But I already feel that way with you,” Louis knew he sounded petulant, a slight whine coming through in his words.
Harry smiled, rubbing a thumb against Louis’ cheekbone. “But that’s because you haven’t met that lucky person yet. I love you too much to keep you from finding this all encompassing happiness, angel. I want you to find the person who will complete you. Something I can never do.”
But you can, and you have , Louis thought to himself. All that Harry was telling him, Louis had already experienced while falling in love with the man. He decided he didn’t care to look for his soulmate or hope for them. He was perfectly content with Harry, the only man he had ever been unconditionally in love with. Although he couldn’t help but feel that Harry’s words were a silent message to him, telling him if he really loved the man he wouldn’t stop him from going where his happiness lay.
He was unsure as to whether Harry loved him the way he loved the man, enough to give up the person he was destined for to be with Louis. Louis knew he’d do the same for Harry in a heartbeat.
One day Louis came home from an exhibition to see Harry and Evelyn curled up on the sofa together, tupperware half filled with last night’s cold pasta laying open in front of them. He recognised the sound of the TV from the crime serial Harry and he had started last month.
When they saw him standing in the foyer, they made no move to sit apart, only smiled and waved at him from across the living room.
“Hey, Louis,” Evelyn spoke first. Louis took a moment to take in their appearances, quickly spotting Harry’s hoody on the woman, which made his grip around his handbag unconsciously tighter.
He stepped out of his shoes, placing them besides Evelyn’s mules, silently gagging at the hideous mustard colour of the suede.
“Hey, what have you two been up to?” Louis faked a smile as he walked into the lounge, ignoring Harry’s attempt at making eye contact.
“This one picked me up early from work,” Evelyn chuckled, rubbing Harry’s shoulder affectionately. The man smiled down at her and Louis felt like he needed to sit down if he had to continue this and didn’t want to throw up. “We were just having dinner. This pasta is delicious– Harry told me you made it.”
Louis eyed the cold, dry macaroni in the plastic box. That was supposed to be his dinner tonight, except that he would have bothered to warm it up and serve it on a plate. He didn’t remember the last time Harry and he were tired enough to eat right out of cold tupperware, unless they were ordering takeout they loved sitting down to eat at their kitchen table.
“Thank you. I can warm it up for you– it’ll taste better,” He offered, not wanting to be completely hostile towards the woman, who had not explicitly done anything to piss him off just yet— besides wearing his boyfriend’s clothes, sprawled across his sofa in his man’s arms, and eating his dinner unannounced.
“How was your day?” Harry asked then, having been left out of the conversation for far too long. Evelyn sat up, but let her hand stay on Harry’s knee. Louis had to fight himself to move his gaze away from the affectionate touch and look at Harry.
“Alright, the exhibition went well,” Louis nodded, feeling awkward sharing the details of his day in front of Evelyn. Harry and he always discussed how their day had gone over dinner, but then it was just the two of them and they could share their failures of the day in peace, adding in funny anecdotes and things they saw at the tube station that made them laugh and think of the other. Her being there felt like an intrusion to their daily customs.
He figured if she was Harry’s soulmate, she was going to be in their lives quite a lot, and at some point Louis will have to get used to her being a part of their unit. He tried to imagine that, being so comfortable with a third person in the equation, he had never been one for polygamy, although he wasn’t sure if it could be considered polygamy, since to his knowledge Harry and Evelyn were not officially together in a relationship. Not if he had anything to do with it, as long as he was with Harry he couldn’t stand it being an open invitation for the man’s soulmate to walk in at any given moment. He wasn’t sure what was going on between Harry and Evelyn, but then again, neither did the pair.
“Join us for the rest of the show. Harry told me you guys were watching it together,” Evelyn pushed when neither of the men had spoken a word in a few minutes. The silence hanging in the air was not comfortable like it usually was when it was just Louis and Harry going about their day, not feeling the need to be constantly saying something but simply enjoying eachothers company.
“I’m really tired; I think I’m going to head to bed early,” Louis faltered, not expecting her to ask him to join their little situation on the sofa. He looked towards Harry for some sort of help.
Harry knew Louis was lying to get out of sitting with Evelyn for longer than he needed to, he knew the boy was just going to go upstairs to their bedroom to read a book and spend too long in the bathroom on his phone.
“Come on, I’ve missed you all day,” Harry persuaded, making Evelyn’s head snap towards him. Louis had to fight his jaw from dropping open. The boy bit his lip, sucking it in as he stood up and nodded in the couple’s general direction before rushing out of the room to freshen up. He heard some quiet muttering from the living room as he washed his face in the downstairs bathroom, wondering if Evelyn was commenting on Harry’s eagerness to have Louis intrude on their impromptu movie night.
He suddenly felt hot in his sweater so he pulled it off, standing in front of the badly lit bathroom mirror in a small vest and blue jeans. The protruding bones in his chest and sharp shoulders staring back at him in the mirror made him gulp, he rubbed his heart over the ribbed material of the vest with one hand, calming himself down and shoving back the insecure thoughts bubbling in his mind. Now was not the time to pity himself, not when he was about to sit through an hour long murder mystery with his boyfriend and his soulmate.
Harry had been working overtime nearly every day for the past few weeks, looking for a promotion. Louis knew he was a hard worker, and if anyone deserved the new position it was Harry. So even if he wasn’t on the best terms with the man, he easily said yes to the dinner Harry’s bosses invited him and Louis to.
“They’re bringing their partners too, so you won’t be bored, promise,” Harry smiled at Louis across the kitchen table when the boy agreed to going.
“Well I’ll look my prettiest then, let’s get you this promotion,” Louis giggled, humming happily when Harry pressed a kiss to his head as a thank you.
A few nights later, they got ready for dinner together. Harry put on his smart tweed trousers with a silky button up, Louis a pair of high waisted trousers that cut off right below his ankles, paired with a smart, cropped sweater.
“How do I look? Good enough for arm candy?” Louis winked, teasing the man who was tying his laces at the foot of their bed.
Harry snorted, “You sure we’re just getting a promotion for me, sweetheart? I know you find Matthew hot, are there any ulterior motives?”
Louis gagged, “He’s like fifty, Harry.”
“And that would stop you?” The man cocked his head, laughing when Louis punched his arm. “I’m kidding, baby.”
“Besides, his wife is literally some model from the ‘90s,” Louis added.
“Mine is still sexier,” Harry scoffed, cupping a handful of Louis’ ass as he followed the boy down the stairs. Louis squealed, slapping the man’s hands away.
In the car, he kept Harry's free hand on his lap the entire time, playing with his long fingers and the two rings he always wore. In the back of his head he was taunting Evelyn, telling her she could be Harry’s soulmate, but Louis was still the one on the man’s arm at dinners with his bosses. She wouldn’t be replacing Louis in his life anytime soon.
At dinner Louis greeted everyone Harry introduced him to with pretty smiles and sweet Hellos, not recognising the man with Harry’s other boss, Alex. They all sat in a private booth in an exclusive Hibachi restaurant in the city center. Louis couldn’t be prouder of his boyfriend, sitting at the table with the big bosses even though he was a good twenty years younger than both of them.
During dinner, he engaged in conversation with the other partners, talking about his art, their respective jobs as a therapist and a stay home mother. The model wife, even after four kids, still looked like she had walked off the runway and into the restaurant. Louis didn’t doubt that she had a fantastic life with her husband, who Louis knew was her soulmate, equally as handsome and charming. The boy always thought it was some sort of requirement on your CV to be at least mildly attractive if you wanted to work at the firm Harry did, he never saw a simple face in the building whenever he visited the man at work.
Harry seemed to be charming his higher ups, Louis laughing along to all his jokes politely, nodding along when Harry suggested items off the menu when the waiter came, splitting a dessert with Mathew’s wife when Harry and the other man decided they’d get another drink instead of pavlova.
When they were leaving, Alex and Simon walked with them to their car, having parked nearby.
“You keep him in line at home, Louis, so he can bring his best to work,” Alex winked at the boy. Louis watched Simon rub Alex’s arm where it was looped around his own.
“I’ll make sure of that,” Louis giggled, touching Harry’s fingertips gently when the man’s hand rested on his waist.
“That went well, don’t you think?” Louis asked when they got into the car, looking up at the man in the driver’s seat. Harry hummed, squeezing the boy’s thigh.
“Went great, I think I’ve got it,” he nodded, a big grin on his face. “Thank you for coming to support me, sweetheart.”
“It’s my job,” Louis shrugged, picking Harry’s hand up to kiss his knuckles. “I knew you were going to get it anyways, you’ve worked so hard for it.”
Harry gave him a soft, loving look when they stopped at a red light, “You’re too good for me.”
“No, you do the same for me. You deserve it, darling,” Louis promised, intertwining their hands on his lap where they stayed for the rest of the ride home.
Harry’s strange relationship with Evelyn had taken it’s biggest toll on his and Louis’ sex life. Louis thought it was because Harry probably didn’t feel that connection with him anymore, not wanting to sleep with someone who wasn’t even his soulmate now that he had found her. But Evelyn had expressed her desire to take it slow and that she wasn’t in a hurry to do anything. She certainly did not want Harry to leave Louis at the moment for her, because she thought he might end up getting disappointed. She liked to think Louis was her friend, at least an acquaintance, and Louis thought that was sweet, but to him she was no more than the woman his boyfriend would eventually leave him for.
So, naturally, after a while of abstinence they gave in and continued having sex. It wasn’t raunchy; there was barely any foreplay or kissing for that matter. It was just them using each other to calm their basic needs. Harry said Evelyn didn’t care, and that he needed it or he would lose his mind. Saying no to Harry wasn’t something Louis ever felt like he wanted to do, and especially not when it came to sex. And now more than ever, he needed that physical contact that he was losing with Harry in other places. So he was more than ready to lie face down on the bed every other night and let Harry do his thing.
Because that’s how it went now. No eye contact because Harry would get weird about that and Louis could not look into Harry’s eyes while the man pounded him without kissing him. As soon as Harry would walk out of the bathroom and roll a condom onto his dick, a recent advancement because he also no longer wanted to go bare with someone who wasn’t his soulmate, Louis would roll over onto his stomach, arms wrapped around his pillow. He thought it was kind of funny that Harry suddenly cared about using protection with Louis, as he didn’t seem to worry about the prospect of a soulmate when he was emptying his balls in Louis’ guts only a few months back. It wasn’t like Harry didn’t know he had a soulmate out there that he could meet at any point in his life. He knew; he just didn’t care because he loved Louis. And now, he was quickly falling out of love. All because he believed in stupid destiny.
After all that, Louis was surprised when he suddenly felt Harry’s warm mouth on his taint. Harry knew he always prepared himself in the shower before they slept together just so the man wouldn’t have to waste anymore time. And yet, he was down there, long legs stretched out behind him and hanging off the bed as he laid between Louis’ short, smooth ones. His hands rested on Louis’ hips, big and warm and calloused, raising goosebumps in their wake.
“What are you doing?” Louis whispered, not daring to move too loudly in case he disrupted the moment and put Harry off. He didn’t get a reply, but instead he felt Harry’s thick tongue dive in, making him gasp out loud. He bit the pillow case, sucking on the corner as Harry kissed and sucked around his hole sloppily.
“Harry,” Louis whined into the pillow when the man bit his cheek, pushing it apart to let the cold air in the room touch Louis’ hot, wet cunt. “More.” He shifted his hips, his cheek falling out of Harry’s mouth. The man grabbed both of them in his hands and let them slap against each other, Louis wincing as he clenched around empty cold air.
“I’ll give you more when I want to,” Harry grunted, licking a long stripe along Louis’ cunt before blowing on it. As soon as Louis gasped at the feeling, he felt Harry slap it with three fingers, making the boy whine and try to close his legs. Harry spread Louis’ legs apart, big hands holding the back of Louis’ thighs before he pushed Louis onto his knees. The boy was pliant, holding on tighter to his pillow and resting his cheek against it, forming an arch in his back that made Harry stop to stare. He felt the man’s lips ghosting over the dimples on the small of Louis’ back before Harry kissed the spot.
The drag of Harry’s cock entering Louis was lessened with how wet and sloppy his gaping hole was after Harry took his time opening it up with his mouth. Louis moaned into the pillow at the slight burn from the stretch, his hole grasping onto Harry’s thick length like it never wanted to let go. Louis felt himself clench around it, pulling a forced groan from Harry, who dug his blunt nails into Louis’ thighs. The boy knew to expect crescent marks on his soft skin the next morning.
Every thrust of Harry’s cock against Louis’ sensitive walls pulled the sweetest noises from the boy, and Harry was soaking them up. Sex with Louis was always hot and exciting, passionate and sexy. The boy was adventurous and open to most things Harry proposed, always keeping himself clean and smooth everywhere because he knew that was exactly how Harry liked it. Small, flexible, pliant, obedient. But Harry’s favourite thing was the sound of them having sex. Louis’ soft and shaky breaths, his gentle moans, his wet and desperate whines, and his pleas for more. It was all addicting, watching his boy fall apart under him with lean and long arms hugging a pillow to his chest, cheeks pink and damp, fringe still sitting prettily on his forehead because even during sex Louis fixed it everytime Harry jostled his little body to make sure it looked perfect. His smell – the warm, feminine scent of Louis’ favourite perfume in the crook of his neck and Harry’s aftershave, the musky notes of their come and slick soaking the sheets. They’d tried placing a towel under Louis a few times, but the boy found the silk sheets against his nipples and otherwise neglected cock much more pleasing.
Harry wrapped his hands around the back of Louis’ small biceps, squeezing to remind the boy he was there, and to silently communicate things Harry could not put into words. He didn’t know how to. So he remained silent as his hips pushed Louis up the bed when he sped up his thrusts, closer to releasing inside the boy, listening to the increasingly louder, breathier moans escaping Louis’ bitten, red lips. The boy under him came again, trembling in Harry’s hold with jittering legs as their orgasms coincided.
After a few moments of silence besides their harmonious deep inhales, Harry turned his head to the boy next to him and whispered, “Are you okay?”
Louis winced as he shifted his hips, turning onto his side to face Harry. For the first time the whole night, they made eye contact that wasn’t just a fleeting glance. “Sore,” the boy blushed, secretly hoping Harry would come closer to him and share his body heat. Louis suddenly felt cold, too naked under the wrinkled duvet despite the heat of Harry’s gaze.
Instead, Harry reached out with his arm and let his fingertips graze the goosebumps on Louis’ bicep before wrapping his fingers around the slender limb. “Come here, baby,” Harry’s words were so quiet Louis wondered if he had imagined them, but then the man pulled him closer to his own bare chest and Louis allowed the breath he was holding to come out.
“Was I too rough?” Harry whispered against Louis’ forehead.
Louis shrugged, pressing his toes against Harry’s strong calves. He rested his cheek on the man’s chest, the soft chest hair tickling his smooth face. “I’ll be okay,” He promised, daring to press a kiss to the moth tattoo. When he noticed Harry didn’t move away from it, Louis moved on to kiss his shoulder before reaching up with one careful hand and picking at the cross pendant. He tugged once, and Harry’s neck obediently followed his movements, bending down to come closer to Louis’ mouth.
As he laid against Harry’s solid chest, soaking up the man’s body heat, Louis felt like things were settling back into place.
Things did not go back to normal so fast.
In the morning when Louis woke to the glare of 9AM sun filtering through gaps in the blinds, he expected Harry beside him. It was a Saturday, neither of them had work or any meetings and last night had been passionate and loving, just like old times. Louis thought that had to mean something.
He sat up, barely even wincing at the drag of his arse against the sheets and pulling the covers up with him when Harry walked out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his slim waist.
“Good morning,” Louis said cheerfully, smiling at the sight of his wet, naked boyfriend. For some reason, he expected a kiss in greeting, maybe a cheeky smirk as Harry dried his hair or dropped the towel to the floor — something playful he hadn’t done in months. Louis thought it would change since last night. Instead, he got the usual reply: a curt nod in his direction as Harry grabbed a pile of clothes from his side of their closet and rushed back to the bathroom. Louis frowned.
He suddenly realised he never put on Harry’s shirt last night like he usually did after they had sex, feeling oddly cold and naked under the covers. He wished he could join Harry in the bathroom, the shower probably still hot and humid, smelling of Harry’s body wash and the fresh, manly scent that overtime had become Louis’ favourite thing to breathe in when he woke up. He missed those mornings— mornings where Harry would wake him up with a gentle kiss, freshly showered after his early workout, with his hair dripping wet onto Louis’ face, his neck warm and smelling like body wash and aftershave, and his breath minty when he kissed Louis, evoking a giggle from the sleepy boy.
He remained in bed until Harry left the bathroom fully dressed, a handsome sight in light coloured jeans and a body hugging grey sweater. Louis wanted to walk up to him and kiss him, he really wanted to run his fingers through the man’s short curls.
So, he spoke up. “Where are you going?”
Harry stopped in his tracks, letting his hand drop after he clasped his watch on his wrist. “I’m having brunch with Evelyn, why?”
Louis kept his mouth from falling open. He couldn’t believe the man’s audacity. “You’re going to see Evelyn? Right now?” He hoped his voice sounded angry instead of sad and pathetic for a change.
Harry gave him an odd look, as if Louis had asked him whether the earth was flat. “Yes? Why are you asking me so many questions? I’ll be back at lunch, or maybe not. I’ll text you,” Harry grabbed his phone off the vanity, fixing his hair again in the mirror.
“We just had sex. You fucked me last night, and now you’re going to see her? Jesus, I still reek of you, Harry,” Louis seethed, tugging the sheets up under his arms. He knew he had an ugly scowl on his face.
“I told you what last night meant before I took another step, Louis. You knew what it entailed and what it didn’t, and you chose to go along with it.”
“Well, I thought you’d respect me enough to wait a bit before you fucked off. You barely pulled out and are ready to dip your dick in another place?” Louis spat, knowing his words were crude and nasty, but he felt degraded by Harry’s haste in leaving him to go see Evelyn when he was still covered in the man’s dried come.
“Fuck you,” Harry spat. “You know I don’t sleep with her. I haven’t and I’d never when we’re still together. If I was fucking her, I wouldn’t have resorted to crawling between your legs last night.”
Louis flinched from the harsh words, but a tight feeling in his chest stopped him from retorting with a worse reply. He only felt his eyes burn with tears until Harry left the room, loud footsteps slamming down the stairs and then came the waterworks.
Evelyn drove a pretty, sleek little vintage sports car that Harry fawned over like an excited schoolboy the first time she picked him up in it. Her ex-husband owned a seaside cabin that she’d gotten in the divorce and it needed some refinishing. Of course, Harry had rushed to offer his help, and they had driven down to the coast for a day. Harry had come back home tanned, with paint splatters on his light wash jeans, and when he gave Louis a hug, the boy could taste the salty ocean water against his neck.
So when he saw the silver beauty in his driveway, he knew what was coming.
Walking up to the front door, he thought of how he was going to approach her. He found it silly that it was his house, that she was the guest waiting there for him unannounced, yet he was anxious about facing her. Granted, he was generally a nervous person and Evelyn had an aura that made others around her stutter and stumble over their own thoughts.
Harry wouldn’t be home until seven, and she knew that, so Louis figured she wasn’t there to see the man. She was there to see Louis.
“Hello,” she smiled as soon as he entered. His eyes fell on her coat and bag, hung up next Harry’s and his own. “I didn’t know you’d be out.”
“I didn’t know you had a key,” Louis sputtered. Her face fell at his accusatory tone.
“Sorry, I rang Harry up telling him you weren’t in so he told me where to look for the spare. I don’t mean to intrude.” She sounded embarrassed, standing awkwardly in the middle of the hall.
Louis sighed, gathering his wits before he answered. “You’re not, I just wasn’t expecting anyone today so I popped out to the shops. Harry never told me you were coming over.”
“He didn’t know until I called him for the key,” she admitted with an embarrassed flush to her cheeks.
Louis toed off his shoes and walked into the kitchen, expecting her to follow but she stood there. He put the kettle on, grabbing two mugs from the cabinet.
“Tea?” He asked, hoping to put aside the initial awkwardness of their meeting. She smiled, walking over to sit at the kitchen table.
“Coffee, if you have it.”
“We always have it. Harry’s a coffee drinker. Me, I’m the tea guy. Can’t stand the bitterness of this,” Louis made a face at the espresso jar he pulled out. Evelyn smiled at his antics.
“You can always add milk and sugar to it,” she suggested, thanking Louis when he tore open a roll of Digestives and passed them to her.
“He says it's unlawful to do that to a perfectly fine cup of espresso,” the boy said, rolling his eyes at his boyfriend’s absurd words.
With their drinks ready, he sat down next to Evelyn.
“He has the strangest things to say,” she agreed, dipping a biscuit in her coffee until Louis saw half of it fall inside. She spoke about him as if she’d known him all his life, as if she knew every little detail about Harry. But she didn’t. She couldn’t possibly know of all his little quirks, his inside jokes with himself that he had generously let Louis in on, all the habits and mannerisms Louis had fallen in love with over the course of three years.
He wondered if that was another thing soulmates had, an ability to learn everything about the other person in a matter of seconds, as soon as your souls recognised one another. He felt an unexpected surge of jealousy, it took him years to learn everything about Harry and Evelyn had done that in the few steps it took to cross the banquet over to where Harry had stood. It had probably taken an even shorter time for Harry to fall in love with her.
Unconsciously, he pushed his shoulders back defensively, both hands wrapped around the cup of tea on the table. He faced the woman he envied with all the courage he could find in him. He couldn’t let himself show his insecurities or how small he felt, he didn’t want her to know she had the power to make him feel that way. That the man he loved would walk out of the home they spent years building together if she said one word to him about it. All she had to do was ask and Harry would be out the door in milliseconds, leaving Louis’ heart shattered to pieces.
“I like you, Louis,” she started, taking the boy by surprise. He wasn’t expecting her to start their conversation like that. “What I mean is, I think you’re a wonderful person. I don’t want you to be hurt in the process of whatever Harry and I have going on.” She sighed, “I’ll be honest, even we haven’t fully figured it out. It’s funny, I grew up thinking the second I met my soulmate it would all fall into place and I’d know exactly what to do with my life then. I’d be so complete.”
His conversation with Harry from a few weeks ago ran through his head at her words, “But that’s all bullshit. It’s a silly dream and that’s all it is. Like yeah, I’ve met him now. He’s my soulmate and I do love him, but now what? We are entirely different people. Our makeup may be the same, our souls may be linked to each other or whatever. Some higher power decided we were perfect for eachother, but we chose to be the people we are today. And that higher power couldn’t possibly predict how we’d turn out, right?” She scoffed.
Louis was silent, he didn’t know if he had anything worth saying to add to the conversation.
“And Harry, he’s so caught up in it, Louis. You should see him, he has this childlike wonder about this whole soulmates fiasco. He’s a dreamer, and he’s envisioned this perfect future where everything is as it should be. But there’s too many complications in his dream that he can’t see through his rose coloured glasses. For starters, he thinks he can cruise through life with both a soulmate and a boyfriend,” she groaned, “He may be a capable man with alot of love to give, but not enough to satisfy the two of us.” Louis grimaced at the meaning behind her words. He wouldn’t be able to stomach Harry having to satisfy anyone besides him with his love. “I know, I wouldn’t want to share him either,” she offered an understanding smile.
The thing was Louis had been sharing Harry with her that whole time. Harry was his boyfriend, they were in love, but Louis had accepted the fact that he had been Evelyn’s soulmate for longer, precisely thirty two years. It was hard, painful and wretched but he had managed until now. He loved the man enough to share his time and attention, knowing how important his soulmate was to him, but sharing Harry’s bed with someone would be asking too much of him. He felt bile rise up his throat at the thought of it.
“You look faint. Stop thinking of all the horrible things going through your head right now,” Evelyn’s order was gentle but firm, and Louis found himself succumbing to it. He took a sip of his lukewarm tea, hoping it would calm his nerves. “I don’t want him like that. I know, it’s a surprise to me too. He’s everything one could ask for in a man, and our attraction should be driving me insane, shouldn’t it? Being soulmates and all?”
“I wouldn’t know, I’ve never met mine,” Louis answered softly, shrugging away to keep his shoulders from curling in on themselves. Evelyn gave him a sympathetic look.
“Look, Louis. I won’t deny that when I first met him, I thought it was as easy as that. You’d be out of his life and mine would be complete.” Louis winced at her blunt words. “But it’s not that easy. He loves you far too much. I see it, Louis. I know he can be harsh with his words when he’s not thinking, which is most of the time,” she snorted.
“I know what he’s like,” Louis defended.
The woman rolled her eyes, as if she was dealing with a child. Louis felt like one sitting in front of her. “Don’t get defensive now. I’m on your side here. I’m here to tell you that I don’t want to steal your man.”
“You might not want to, but you haven’t got a choice, have you?” Louis snarled, he couldn’t help the bitterness in his words. He wasn’t going to pretend he liked Evelyn, because he didn’t. She might not be a bad person, he didn’t really know her at all to make that judgement, but he didn’t see her as Evelyn Grant. He only saw her as his boyfriend’s soulmate. An ungrateful soulmate who didn’t appreciate Harry the way Louis would if he had him like that.
“That’s partly true. My biology does make me love him and desperately want him all to myself,” Evelyn accepted. “And your boyfriend is very hard to reason with. He doesn’t leave these kinds of things up for discussion, he assumes he should have the last say on everything,” she scoffed. “But you have to believe me, Louis. That man had no choice but to love me because it’s ingrained in him to do so. It comes to him as easily as breathing or blinking involuntarily.”
Louis didn’t notice he had wrapped his arms around himself, a protective gesture to comfort himself.
“But he fell in love with you, Louis. He stayed away from me, going against every fiber in his being because he wanted to be honest to you. He didn’t have to— it’s not a crime to listen to your biology and be with the person you were put on earth to be with. But he wouldn’t touch me for longer than a minute, and said he couldn’t. But we both know he could. Sometimes our hearts are just stronger than our minds, Louis. And Harry is a very strong man. He may not accept it because he’s an idealist who’s too caught up in the idea of having a soulmate, but he can’t even seem to hold said soulmate’s hand.”
Louis couldn’t deny the pride he felt, knowing Harry had rejected Evelyn for him. The cruel words he had thrown towards Louis not days ago were buried back in his mind.
“And for a bit, I was angry. I was stupid to think I could walk into his life and expect him to leave you at the drop of a hat because he had me now. I believed it, I really did. For a moment I thought he would, too.” She sighed. “But now I know. He won’t ever leave you for me Louis. The most I’ll ever get is Saturday mornings and Sunday roasts but I won’t get to kiss him goodbye for work or sit at the kitchen table and eat dinner with him on a weekday. I won’t ever wake up to his snores, I don’t even know if he snores,” a wet laugh followed her words and Louis could see her eyes watering. He did snore terribly loudly, Louis thought to himself, feeling like he knew a special secret Evelyn never would.
“And I’m not sure I want to know, Louis,” she disclosed. “He’s my soulmate and that gives me an advantage that you don’t have. I'm able to feel what he’s feeling, hear his thoughts in a silent room and know the true meaning behind every word of his and I know that man loves you. More than he can ever try to love me.”
Louis didn’t try to stop his tears anymore, he always found it hard to control them. But he felt safe now, being vulnerable in front of Evelyn. He wondered what had changed in the hour since he had stepped up to his driveway to irritably spot her car. Her confession to not wanting to take Louis’ boyfriend from him might have helped, he supposed.
“So you want to break up with him?” Louis sniffled, playing with the ring on his finger.
Evelyn sighed, “It’s not as easy as that obviously. I can’t stop our souls from being linked. But I can assure you, I don’t want to be with him in that way, Louis. Soulmates are more like a mutualistic symbiosis than a real relationship, it doesn’t stop us from loving other people.”
“It would break his heart,” Louis found himself reasoning. He was really sitting there convincing the woman he hated not two minutes ago to not leave his boyfriend. “You can’t do that to him, Evelyn. He’s too far gone. I wouldn’t be able to see that future he saw with you be ripped away from him.”
“And what about the future you saw with him, Louis? I know you guys want kids, he told me.”
“ I wanted kids but I’m not sure he wants that with me anymore,” Louis lamented. Evelyn gave him another one of her sorry looks. He hated it. “You can’t break up with him,” he concluded, staring ahead at the woman with a determined expression.
Evelyn sighed, running a hand over her face. “You’re an idiot,” she grumbled, finishing off the rest of her coffee. Louis stiffened at the insult. “I’m going to tell him, Louis. I need to, I can’t string him along like this.”
“Evelyn, please,” Louis pleaded, noticing how rough his voice had gotten from the tears. “He’s going to be devastated.”
“He will, maybe, most probably. But he will see he has you, he’s always had you. Your love is enough for him Louis, you’ll nurse him back to the Harry we know and love,” she suggested, tapping the side of Louis’ foot with hers under the table. “It’s not like I’m telling him I never want to be in his life anymore, I’m just going to let him know that’s all it’s ever going to be, a friendship. A deep connection the two of us will never have with anyone else, that’s sacred enough.”
Before Louis could add something, she was getting up and walking to get her coat. “I’m going to invite you both to dinner next weekend. To tell him in front of you so he doesn’t lose it. Please say yes when he asks you,” she said with an apologetic smile.
“You’re going to invite him to dinner to break up with him?”
“It’s not a break up if we were never together. I don’t want to end everything with him, we can’t do that due to obvious reasons,” she replied, hands tucked into the pockets of her coat, “Just going to tell him to stop looking for something that’s always been right next to him.”
Louis spent the next few hours trying to not think of the conversation with Evelyn. He watched a true crime documentary, started the dough for a Focaccia, folded the laundry in front of the television while the end credits played. He didn’t once think of Evelyn’s words until he heard Harry’s car pull up into the driveway, the keys jingle at the front door and then the heavy sound of Harry’s timberlands as he walked in.
It was hard facing Harry holding back news that would devastate the man. His stomach rumbled out of anxiety.
Harry chuckled at the sound, “Should we have an early dinner, Lou?”
Anything but talk about Evelyn , Louis thought to himself as he agreed.
Half way through their grilled salmon, Harry brought her up.
“I didn’t know you two met up without me,” he teased. Louis’ throat felt tight, he felt caught, hiding things behind Harry’s back.
“We usually don't. I didn’t know she was going to show up.”
“Well, what’d she need? I was going to see her tomorrow anyway.”
Now Louis had to think of an excuse without making Harry suspicious, “She was in the area,” he shrugged, hoping it would hide his nervousness and come off as nonchalant even though he felt anything but. He hated keeping things from Harry and felt it inappropriate to let Harry stay in the dark about something like this. But he also didn’t want to be the one to bear the news, especially since it wasn’t his business. But wasn’t it? This was his boyfriend’s life and his heart at stake. “Stopped for a chat.”
“Oh. That’s nice of her, did you two have a good time?”
“It was just tea, Harry. We’re not old pals now,” Louis grumbled, suddenly annoyed at her being the constant topic of conversation. Harry raised his brows, setting down his fork.
“Did something happen? Are you upset?”
“No, fuck. Can we talk about something else?” Louis snapped.
“Something is obviously bothering you and it has to be Evelyn’s sudden visit. I’d like to know what it is.”
“Why do you care?” Louis groaned, pushing his half empty plate away from him.
Harry frowned, “Because I wanna know why my boyfriend and soulmate have been meeting behind my back and if she’s done something to upset you.”
“She didn’t do anything. We weren’t meeting behind your back, Harry, it wasn’t a fucking rendevous, she called you to let herself in.”
“God Louis, you’re so difficult,” Harry growled. Louis could feel his glare burning into his back as the boy got up to put his plate in the sink.
It hurt Louis to snap at Harry like that but it was the only way he could stop himself from letting it out to Harry. Fighting with cold words was better than breaking Harry’s heart.
“I’m going to bed,” Louis announced, hoping to receive a good night from Harry, or for strong arms to wrap around his shoulders, kiss his forehead and tell him it was okay and that Harry wasn’t upset with him. He got silence in return.
Evelyn invited Harry and Louis to dinner two days later. Louis had to act surprised when Harry brought it up as they were getting into bed, and hesitantly agreed. It was believable enough that Harry gave him a sweet kiss on his forehead for accepting the invite.
“I’m so lucky to have you, baby.”
“Aren’t you.” Louis scoffed, sliding under the blanket. It was getting colder around November and Louis made a mental note to pull out his warm fleece pajamas for the upcoming months. He got an understanding smile from Harry, who pulled him closer by his arm.
“The luckiest man in the world,” Harry announced, tucking Louis against his chest and resting his chin on the boy’s head.
It wasn’t often that Harry made such proclamations lately, feeling awkward keeping his distance from Louis most of the times when he remembered he’s supposed to be figuring things out between Louis and Evelyn. So the boy enjoyed the soft hum of Harry’s heartbeat against his cheek, warm chest speckled with hair the coziest place to cuddle into with the chill surrounding them. Gingerly, he pressed his toes against Harry’s shins and relaxed against the man’s chest when he heard a sigh from above him, followed by Harry nuzzling his hair.
“I love you,” Louis said, splaying his fingers out on Harry’s shoulders.
The man smiled down at him, “Good night, baby.”
Louis didn’t even realise when he began to care enough about meeting Evelyn to put an effort into how he looked, so he passed it off as being fashion conscious. But he knew it was more than that when he found himself picking out his nicest pair of dark jeans that sat on his waist prettily, with a slim, red sweater on top he knew Harry loved. He spent thirty minutes on his hair, until Harry was yelling from the kitchen to get down because Evelyn told him to be there at 7.
“Just want to make a good impression, sue me,” Louis whined as he was pushed out the door and towards the car, Harry’s strong hand on his back.
“You’ve met her before.”
“Well, not in her house. It’s different.”
“How so?”
“I’m meeting my boyfriend’s soulmate at her house, for a dinner she’s making for us, Harry,” Louis said matter of factly, groaning when he received a clueless look in reply. “Forget it, you won’t understand.”
“Haven’t exactly been to many dinners thrown by my sweet boyfriend’s soulmate just yet, doll,” Harry cheekily replied, which made Louis shove his thigh with fake annoyance. At least he told himself it was faked.
On their way, Louis played his ABBA’s Greatest Hits playlist after a few complaints from Harry, who ended up singing along to all four of the tracks they could get through before they got to her house.
“You look nice,” Louis pointed as they parked outside Evelyn’s house. Harry was wearing brown trousers and a dark green sweater. It brought out his eyes, and his hair was short from his recent cut.
He hummed, “Thank you, baby. You’re beautiful as always.” Louis smiled to himself as they walked up Evelyn’s driveway, and Louis noticed the twinkling, yellow fairy lights adorning her front door.
Harry rang her bell and they didn’t have to wait a moment before she was opening the door, almost as if she was waiting on the other side of it. Louis figured she was nervous, thinking of their conversation from a few days prior.
“Hi guys, come in,” she smiled at them, moving back to allow the couple to walk in.
“Hey Ev,” Harry leaned in to hug her, pressing a kiss to her cheek as they took off their coats. Louis followed, smiling when the woman squeezed his arm gently.
“Hey,” he said, his voice low like it was hard to get any words out of his throat. Harry had walked into the house, comfortable as it wasn’t his first time there. He seemed to know his way around, Louis noticed his New Balances already placed on the shoe rack. He didn’t know whether to take his own shoes off so he decided to keep them on. He didn’t want to have to shove his feet into them if he had to rush after Harry later. Safe to say, he was not expecting a very calm dinner.
While Louis looked around the house, Evelyn walked into the open kitchen, “Food just got ready as you guys pulled up, so I hope you’re hungry.”
“I’m starving,” Harry teased, rubbing his stomach playfully as he walked up behind the woman. Louis watched as he helped Evelyn set out the food, a wide grin stuck on his face. The boy took his time to scan the house— sleek furnishing, modern layout, spacious living room separated from the kitchen with two expansive book shelves forming a narrow passage between them. It was exactly how Louis expected a recently divorced, wealthy businesswoman’s house to look like.
Louis noted how different it was to their own humble home; Evelyn’s was void of two clashing personalities fighting for every inch of space they could inhabit. Louis felt oddly calm in her house.
Evelyn’s voice brought him out of his thoughts, “Louis, come sit.” Louis smiled at the pair, taking his seat at the only empty place on the table.
They started eating, Harry and Evelyn’s conversations flowing easily as they discussed work and Evelyn’s business and Harry’s successful promotion. Louis wordlessly passed Harry the bread basket when he saw the empty spot on the man’s plate, and Harry topped off his glass when he saw Louis had finished his drink. Evelyn offered Louis to try the steak, which looked too fancy and too pink for Louis’ liking. Could you call raw, thin strips of beef swimming in aioli steak? Louis was silently horrified.
“He wouldn’t like it,” Harry chuckled when Louis gave Evelyn an apologetic smile. The boy nodded, looking down at his plate with half his cranberry salad and chicken satay staring back at him.
“Well, I know you’ll like dessert,” Evelyn guessed, as she walked back to the table with a bowl of sliced strawberries and a pot of cream.
“You don’t like cream though, do you baby?” Harry pouted teasingly. Louis flushed, embarrassed at his limited palate.
“It’s perfect, Evelyn,” Louis waved off Harry’s remark, filling his bowl with fruit. He wanted to get done with dinner and go hide in the cozy looking lounge area before he had to witness Harry being broken up. He felt cruel, sitting there enjoying a meal, watching Harry’s crow’s feet and eyes shining with each boisterous laugh and joke he’d crack, his body language relaxed and happy at the head of the table, his gaze set on Evelyn on his left, his hand casually thrown over Louis’ knee to the right.
The woman looked at Louis, giving him a sad smile, silently letting him know what she was about to do. Louis set his spoon down, any appetite for strawberries was completely gone.
“So, I’ve been thinking,” she started, getting Harry’s attention immediately. “Getting to know you guys has been so great. The past few months have really changed my life for the better.” Harry reached out to hold her hand, Louis watched him squeeze it with a smile.
“I’ve loved every second of it, Ev,” Harry said.
Evelyn pressed her lips together, “Meeting my soulmate just weeks after my divorce felt like a sign from the universe. Like I got it wrong the first time around and it was telling me this was my chance at happiness, finally,” she shrugged, removing her hand from Harry’s hold.
Louis wanted the chair to swallow him whole so he could avoid whatever was going to happen next.
“And you were perfect, I couldn’t believe any power decided I was your soulmate,” Evelyn laughed ironically.
Harry scoffed, “Babe, I’m the lucky one here.” Louis bit his cheek at the pet name, looking at Evelyn silently asking her to end this as quickly as possible.
The woman sighed, “What I’m trying to say here, Harry, is that as your soulmate I kind of always know what’s best for us, and for you.”
Harry nodded, “I trust you.”
“You know it’s fairly common for soulmates to remain as just friends, like life partners who aren’t involved with each other besides just that, being soulmates?”
“What do you mean?” Harry frowned, looking at Louis when Evelyn put her head in her hands, groaning at Harry’s cluelessness. Louis gave the man a sad smile, squeezing his hand on his thigh.
“I think that should be us, Harry. You need to stay with Louis, and you and I can be each other’s confidants and friends who can read one another’s thoughts and who knows, maybe Louis will let me be a godmother for your future kids.” Evelyn laughed, trying to soften the blow on Harry. Louis gulped, not knowing what Harry would say next.
“Huh, if you really want that,” the man nodded, “Yeah. Alright, okay. I’m fine with that, I still have my boy, right?” He squeezed Louis’ hand back, making the boy squirm when his ring pressed into his other fingers. He looked up at Harry and gave him an assuring nod,
“I think we can work with that,” Louis smiled at Evelyn, mouthing a thank you to the woman who shrugged, and then topped off Harry and Louis’ glasses with more of her expensive wine.
Harry cooked them dinner the next day. Louis could smell the spices from his studio and he followed it to the kitchen table where Harry was setting up their food.
“This is nice,” Louis commented, moving to place a hand on Harry’s back and kiss him. He could only reach his cheek though because Harry suddenly jerked his head to the side. He felt the man’s five o’clock shadow, noticing how handsome he looked still in his work trousers with no shirt over them. During their early days of their relationship, Louis was horrified by the discovery of a topless Harry in the kitchen. He didn’t mind the view, of course, but a thousand health risks ran through his head. A few years later, he welcomed the sight happily. Harry claimed he got too hot in the kitchen with all his clothes on, and Louis knew that was because he refused to let the man turn the heating down throughout the year so he let him do his shirtless cooking in peace.
After finishing their dinner, Louis started slicing some fruit for dessert. He pulled one leg up on his chair to rest the plate of fruit on his knee while he peeled the pears. He smiled at the man in front of him, passing him the first slice of pear.
“Why do you look so pensive?” Louis teased.
Harry sighed, “I want to talk to you about something.” His serious tone made the boy sit up right in his chair, setting the fruit aside. He nodded at the man, telling him to continue. “I can’t keep this up anymore.”
“Keep what up?”
“This,” Harry shrugged, hands flailing in the general direction of the room. “I thought I could for a while but I realise now that it’s not possible. I don’t know how others do it but I can’t. That’s not me.”
“You mean having a soulmate and a boyfriend who is not your soulmate, right?” Louis gulped, finally having figured out where the conversation was going. He was surprised at how well Harry took the revelation at dinner last night. He was expecting an outburst, so was Evelyn, but Harry had been mature and understanding about the woman’s explanation. Louis almost believed they were closing that chapter of their life. Almost.
“She came to the office today.”
“Okay,” Louis nodded, quickly dropping the fruit knife he realised he was still clutching in his sweaty palm. “What’d she say?”
“That she wants to give it a try but not like this.”
The gears turned in the boy’s head, feeling betrayed by Evelyn who had promised not to try to come between him and Harry just a few days ago. She had told him she had no intentions of breaking his home, knowing how fragile things were with Harry living in a bubble where he could have the best of all worlds. One tip on her end of the see-saw and Harry would go tumbling down.
“Not with me around,” Louis could hear the break in his voice and he clenched his fist, letting his short nails dig into his palms angrily. “And what did you say?”
“You have to understand that it’s not easy meeting your soulmate after years of waiting for them only to have them give you an ultimatum like this. It’s either giving it a try or losing her forever, Louis. Don’t I deserve that? A chance at this soulmate shit— there's a reason we met in the first place. It feels almost offensive to not give it a try, like we’re defying nature or something.”
Louis rolled his eyes internally. Fuck nature and destiny and the universe and all it’s foolish idolisers. Was three years of loving deemed unworthy because nature doesn’t think it's as pure or real? Who the fuck was the univerise anyway, to have a say in Louis’ life?
“I don’t think mother nature will be upset at you for not breaking up with your boyfriend of three years who you planned on having kids with for a woman you met a couple months ago, Harry.”
“Louis,” Harry sighed, as if dealing with a petulant child.
“What do you want me to say?”
Harry poured the remaining drops of wine from the bottle in his glass. “You don’t have to say anything,” he shrugged, “I didn’t give Evelyn an answer either.”
Louis nodded, zoning out while Harry talked about the details of his conversation with Evelyn at his office. When the man stopped talking, presumably from the lack of response from Louis, the boy spoke. “Did you ever really want to start a family with me, Harry?”
A pause. Harry drank, set his empty glass down, let his hands fall onto his lap. “Yeah. For a while, I forgot that I even had a soulmate out there somewhere. Up until the exhibition the thought hadn’t crossed my mind.” Harry’s expression softened, “Baby, I wanted to start a family with you the second you got into my car to go spend our first Christmas with mum.”
Louis sniffled, eyes watering as he was reminded of one of their early, special memories. They had advanced into their relationship fairly quickly, moved in together right before their one year anniversary, lived out of eachothers pockets with how close and codependent they were. “This isn’t a very nice way to break up with someone,” Louis laughed sadly.
“I need this, Louis,” Harry pressed, “It’s true what they say, wanting to be with your soulmate is a primal instinct. And I just want to give my body what it needs right now.”
“And that’s Evelyn,” Louis scoffed, mind immediately going to Harry bedding that woman.
“Stop it. You know what I mean, baby.”
Louis winced, “Please stop calling me that.” He slowly got out of his chair, his calves trembling like jello so he held onto the back of the chair. “Can you not work your way around it? I’ll try Harry, I’ll play house with her if that’s what you want,” Louis begged, hating himself for how pathetic he sounded.
Harry pressed his lips together, “I don’t want that. I would never make you do that, Lou. I need to do this on my own.”
“But this is my home,” Louis said, voice sad and heartbroken. “I won’t even complain if she moves in, I swear.”
“Stop it, sweetheart. Please, just try to cooperate,” Harry sighed, sounding frustrated and tired. “It’s not easy for me to do this either,” he groaned.
Louis shut up after that, watching the man in front of him and how determined he seemed.
“I would say I understand, but I don’t because I don’t know what it feels to have a soulmate,” Louis started, “but I know what it feels to love someone, Harry. And part of me loving you is trying to give you everything I can, which I did.”
“You’re perfect,” Harry agreed. Louis breathed out through his nose, counting his breaths in his head.
“I’m gonna go to mum’s, Harry.” Louis gulped, throat feeling tight at having to refer to his parent’s house as home when the house he was in and the man he was standing in front of had been home to him for too long. “You’re right. You do deserve this, a chance at finishing the puzzle and feeling whole.”
As Louis was walking out the kitchen, Harry said, “You’re going to feel this way too someday, Louis.”
The boy stopped, turning around to smile at the man softly, “I did feel that way– with you.”
Despite Harry’s many offers of driving Louis, the boy stood his ground, knowing it would be harder to leave if Harry was in the driver’s seat. So he packed a duffel bag, Harry’s fancy, overpriced monogrammed one, just to spite him. A backpack with his essentials, a box with his art things. The bags looked like a lot to him, but they barely made a difference to the house. There was so much of his influence in every room and corner, it didn’t even look like he was moving. It still looked like his home. Deep down, he was happy that it did. He didn’t want anyone getting the wrong ideas. As far as he knew, this was a temporary move, for both of them to clear their heads and decide what they wanted. Louis knew his decision already, but he was going to let Harry take his time coming to a conclusion and not rush into things he would regret.
But the man would have to tolerate living in a house filled to the brim with things that would remind him of Louis. His summer wardrobe in the walk-in, his bookshelf in the living room, his studio still smelling of turpentine and muddy water, his cabinet in the kitchen still stocked with various instant pastas and noodles. Even their bedroom still looked like two people slept in it. Louis’ nightstand was cleared out, but the matching retro lamps he had picked out at Brick Lane were still there, only missing the framed picture of the couple from their holiday in Spain the previous year tucked away between layers of sweaters in Louis’ luggage.
Harry had hugged the boy at the driveway, both men not allowing themselves to lean in for a kiss, not even on the cheek. But Harry couldn’t stop himself from gently fixing Louis’ fringe, thumb caressing Louis’ cheek swiftly.
“I need to do this for myself,” the man started.
“You’ve been doing alot of things for yourself lately,” Louis shrugged, “I didn’t see this coming but I’m not entirely surprised.”
Harry frowned, pulling himself back from Louis. “You can call me selfish all you want, but you don’t understand how I feel Louis. It’s hard for me too.”
“This is my home, Harry,” Louis whispered, “And you’re making me leave to bring some woman you met a few months ago in it.”
“She’s not some woman. She’s my soulmate, I wouldn’t stop you from taking a chance with yours, Louis. Why can’t you let me do the same?”
“I packed my bags, didn’t I?” Louis swallowed a cry, “I don’t even recognise you right now.”
“I’m sorry that you feel that way.”
Louis laughed maniacally, “At least throw the sheets out before she moves in,” he called behind him while pulling his car out of their driveway.
Louis had called his mother to let her know he was going to be coming back home for some time, he didn’t know how long just yet. She told him to drive safely and that she’ll have a roast dinner waiting for him, even though it was a Tuesday night.
Louis’ dad carried his bags to his room after giving him a fatherly, bear hug, with a kiss on the top of his head. His mum wrapped her arms around his as she brought him to the kitchen and sat him down at the table. He forgot just how small and cozy his parent’s house was, a different feeling from Harry and his messy home that showed an unorganised salesman and a distracted artist living in it.
He drank tea, listened to Emma talk about her friend’s new grandchild, cooed at the pictures of babies and dogs and videos of elephants and kittens playing together on his mother’s aged phone screen, until she asked him what had happened.
“Can’t I come live with my mum and dad for a bit?” Louis cocked his head to the side, turning the question around on the inquisitive woman.
She rolled her eyes the way Louis always did, “Of course you can, but you rarely come see us if it’s not with your beau lately.”
“He’s busy,” Louis shrugged.
“I’m your mother, Lou. I know you still cross your fingers when you lie, and as you’ve grown older you’ve forgotten to hide them behind your back even,” she said in disapproval. Louis blushed, quickly shoving his hands under the table.
“I’m really tired mum, and I was promised Sunday roast,” the boy whined, kicking his foot childishly. Emma sighed and Louis knew he had successfully deflected the questioning. His mum would wait until after she had filled her boy’s stomach with a fresh, hot, homemade meal.
Emma and Robert didn’t question Louis for three more days, and Louis didn’t hear back from Harry in that time either. He supposed it was for the better, neither of the men could probably handle a mature conversation at the moment, things needed to calm down first. And only time could do that. Although, that didn’t mean Louis didn’t spend every waking moment of the last three days wondering if Evelyn was in his house, in their bed, in his kitchen using the ingredients he had bought to make Harry a meal, throwing her feet up on the vintage ottoman Louis fought for on Ebay. He knew his parents could tell how distracted he was, there was obviously something wrong and Emma decided four days of silence was enough.
“You know, your old school mate Luke moved back into town,” she brought it up at dinner one night.
Luke had gone to Canada with his dad for University and last Louis heard from him the man was working at a firm in Toronto as an engineer. They used to play football together as kids and he was Louis’ first kiss, first boyfriend, using the term loosely as they were clueless sixteen year olds, and also his secondary school prom date. Emma still had a picture of him and Louis standing in their garden on her fridge door, stuck up using a magnet he and Harry bought for her in Spain.
“His mum and I go to this fantastic exercise class together,” Emma offered. “You should come with me someday. Get out of the house and all, it’s indoors because of the snow.”
“I’ll think about it,” Louis nodded, already dreading the idea of working out in a room full of retired people in leggings. Probably because he would be the most unfit of the bunch.
“You can meet Luke too, maybe,” she added quickly.
“Mum,” Louis said pointedly, “What are you trying to do here?”
The woman flushed, embarrassed at being caught, “Nothing, I just want you to go out and meet your old friend. He was such a sweet boy, remember when he got you that corsage on prom night because all the other guys got it for their dates? That was so sweet of him.”
“He got it because he was my date, mum,” Louis exclaimed, looking at his dad for help with the woman. The older man just shrugged, returning to his second helping of food.
“Well, regardless, you should go see him.”
“I just got out of a relationship like ten minutes ago!” Louis snapped, sitting back in disbelief at his mum’s behaviour.
His parents looked at him like deers caught in headlights, “You and Harry broke up?” It was his dad who started, which Louis was not expecting the man to say anything, he usually preferred to stay out of the mother and son fights.
“You both are unbelievable,” Louis scoffed, “Why else would I move back to my parents’ house with like four bags of stuff, seriously guys?”
“Watch your tone, Lou. We’re your parents, we are worried about you. We just want to know what’s wrong and I get you’re an adult and all, but if you came back to live with us you have to give us some respect,” Emma scolded.
Louis sighed, feeling like a shitty son for yelling at them when they were just trying to help. His dad had even prepared his room just like he had left it years ago, even though Louis knew he had been using it as a makeshift office.
“I’m sorry, I’m not okay, alright? I need some time,” Louis said, rubbing his eyes to stop himself from tearing up. He knew his mother would start if he did and he didn’t want to make her upset right now. “Thank you for letting me stay here, I’m going to tell you guys the rest when I’m ready, can I just have some time?” Louis asked hopefully.
Emma and Robert gave each other a look that Louis was used to, his parents always shared it and he figured it was a soulmate thing.
“You’re our baby, Lou. And you’re welcome to stay in your home for however long you want. Take all the time you need, we’re here for you,” Emma cooed, reaching out to hold Louis’ hand across the table. Louis smiled at her gratefully.
“Your mum and I were just worried son, we only want you to get out and meet some friends and try and smile every now and then.” His father teased, “How about you and I go out tomorrow, yeah? I need to do the shopping for your mum, you should come with me.”
“That sounds good, dad,” Louis nodded, leaning down to kiss his parents on their cheeks before they bid each other goodnight and Louis left for his room.
He did end up meeting Luke a few days later when his mother sent him to the post office for her, he was running errands in town center and looked way more handsome than Louis remembered.
“Lou?” The man asked, popping his head into the small post office that was empty besides Louis and the lady at the front desk.
The boy waved at him to wait, finishing up his payment quickly before joining the man outside. He was a head taller than Louis, maybe even taller than Harry, in a simple Adidas hoodie and track pants.
Louis himself was bundled up in his big puffer jacket, hands tucked into the front pockets as he faced the man, remembering that Luke had just spent the last decade in and out of Canada, so November in England was probably closer to springtime for him.
“Hey, man,” Louis said, going up on his toes to hug his old friend, not expecting to be wrapped up in his arms and nearly lifted off his feet. He felt his cheeks warm up when Luke put him back down, a sheepish smile on the man’s face, “Crazy to see you here.” Louis wanted to slap himself as soon as the words left his mouth, Crazy to see you? Luke knew that Louis knew about him being back in town because their mothers were friends, Louis was just not used to talking to blokes he used to fancy, not since he’s been in a long term monogamous relationship with Harry. But now, he wasn’t committed to anyone, and Luke was pretty to look at and he had smelt good when they hugged, so Louis put his initial embarrassment aside and agreed when the man offered to buy Louis a coffee before they head home.
They sat down in the busy cafe with two pumpkin spiced lattes and a slice of banana bread to share, and it almost felt like they were sixteen again on a study date where they’d spend more time teasing each other with unnecessary PDA than working on their assignments.
“How has Canada treated you?” Louis started, after both of them had effectively warmed their chests up with coffee.
“Great, it’s been great. Just gets really lonely out there, you know? Dad and his family live hours away and I barely got to visit them with work and everything, just felt like it was the right time to move back home. I’ve been applying to a few firms, but I’m not in a rush right now,” Luke leaned back in his chair, giving Louis a onceover before smiling at the boy.
Louis squirmed under the man’s gaze, “Oh, lonely? Haven’t found a special guy?” He asked, chewing on his lip and hiding it with his tall cup.
Luke laughed quietly, shaking his head. “No, no special guy for me unfortunately. I’ve been with people here and there, but you know. No one compares when your first boyfriend was the best you’ve ever had,” Luke smirked. Louis was his first boyfriend, the boy realised before taking a gulp of coffee too quickly. It hadn’t cooled down enough and burnt his throat as he swallowed. He tried to laugh along, but it came out awkward and forced.
“What about you, Lou? You’re still with Harry? That’s his name, right?” Luke asked. Louis knew that the man knew what Harry’s name was very well, considering he followed him on Instagram and had liked Harry’s three year anniversary post with Louis.
“Uh,” Louis faltered, “We’re taking a break right now, actually.”
Luke frowned, “I thought he’d have popped the question by now.”
Louis nearly choked, taken aback by the mention of Harry and a proposal, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in a busy coffeehouse with his ex boyfriend discussing his other ex boyfriend and their would-be marriage.
“No, no. We needed some time apart, it’s complicated,” he sighed, finding himself crossing his fingers on his lap, hidden under the table.
“Well, good for me, I guess,” Luke shrugged, flashing a charming smile to Louis. Were all men equally entitled and clueless? Or did Louis just happen to find the most ridiculous ones?
“Well, it was really nice seeing you back in town, mum’s waiting for me so I should probably get home,” Louis awkwardly shuffled, not wanting to stay in public for a moment longer.
“Hey, let me drive you home. You were freezing out there,” Luke offered. Louis took one look at the rain outside and sighed, giving in and following the man to his car.
“Was that Luke outside?” His mother asked as soon as he stepped into the house, as if she had been waiting for him, watching him and Luke exchange goodbyes through the kitchen window.
“Mum,” Louis groaned, “Stop trying to make me and Luke happen.”
“I’m not trying anything, you should!”
“I just want to be single for a second, is that so wrong?” Louis whined, falling back on the sofa, still in his coat.
Emma sighed, walking over to sit beside him. “Not at all, Lou. I’m not asking you to jump back into another long term relationship after whatever that bastard did to you, which by the way you still haven’t told us but I know I raised my baby right and it can never be your fault,” She tutted, wrapping her arm around Louis’ narrow shoulders when the boy rested his head on hers. “I just want you to be happy, whatever it takes.”
“Well, I just want to be by myself for a while.”
“Fair enough, love,” she kissed the top of his head, “But I can’t deny that Luke’s turned out well handsome, hasn’t he? You two looked cute together,” she teased him, squeezing his arm.
“Yeah, he’s fit.” Louis agreed, “And also not shy to make it known that he wants to get into bed with me.”
“Lou!” Emma chastised,
“Hey! You’re the one who keeps pushing me to see him.” Louis defended, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Yes but I don’t want to know the details,” she rolled her eyes, “Come on now, get changed into something comfy because you’re helping me bake pie for your dad.”
Louis huffed, pushing himself off the sofa and jogging up the stairs to his room. He threw on a pair of leggings and Harry’s old university hoodie he had stolen years ago and claimed as his own, before returning to the kitchen to bake the evening away with his mother.
Harry was stupid. That much, he knew. But he also knew he’d beat himself up over losing the opportunity to see a glimpse of what life would be like if you were dating your soulmate. And he knows he’s not good enough of a man, somewhere down the road he would’ve blamed Louis for his regret. So this was necessary. Besides, Louis had agreed without much convincing. Harry didn’t deserve the boy at all, his love and devotion should’ve been kept pure for a man who knew how to treat him right. Maybe Harry wasn’t that man.
He was weak, he gave in to his desires. But the first few days with Evelyn in his home, their lives synchronising, Harry felt like his puzzle was complete. Evelyn was the missing piece and now he felt whole. They were finishing each other's sentences, hearing one another's thoughts so loudly in an empty room, it was almost as if there was no need for conversation. But they had so much to talk about, thirty something years to discuss. The longer they talked, the more they seemed to realise they really had nothing in common. And Harry quickly found out that even with your soulmate next to you, one could feel incredibly empty and alone.
Evelyn didn’t like the way Harry made her eggs in the morning, Harry didn’t like the way she would never let him have a turn with the TV remote, since they could never decide on anything to watch, their interests too far apart. She was business savvy and would stand behind Harry while he would work on his laptop, giving her advice where Harry wouldn’t ask for it. Harry may be young, but he was quickly climbing the hierarchy at work, his bosses respected him and his knowledge about the business but Evelyn thought he was clueless. She was a mere five years older than him and sometimes Harry felt she treated him like a child. Maybe it had always been like this, condescending remarks and tutting and chastising, but the man had taken it all in stride, laughing along and playing the happy go lucky guy for her. He always came home to Louis, who made him feel so good about himself he wouldn’t have to spend too long thinking over Evelyn’s taunts. Louis made Harry like himself after too many years of the man’s self-deprecating nature.
Evelyn didn’t need to be taken care of like Louis did. Louis was strong and independent, but at home he let Harry tend to him and treat him delicately, giving the man a sense of accomplishment when he was around his boyfriend. He didn’t have that with Evelyn, and only after a week it was becoming increasingly difficult to coexist with the woman in a small space.
She probably felt that way too, because one week in she suggested Harry moved to her house for a bit, instead. Harry went along with it, there was nothing to lose and a part of him felt better about the new arrangement. Louis was gone, but Harry’s house still felt like Louis’ home, his things and his personality taking over every corner of every room. Harry found himself cringing when Evelyn would push the chairs Louis bought for their house too hard, or when she would jostle their precious bedside lamps, he was going crazy holding himself back from pinpointing all the things that annoyed him about his soulmate. He knew she wouldn’t take it very well if he continuously picked on the way she used Louis’ things, maybe he was being overly sensitive but he felt a wave of protectiveness overtake him when it came to Louis’ belongings and his art studio and the boy’s place in their house. He felt it was almost disrespectful to let Evelyn walk all over it like it was never Louis’ to begin with.
So he packed a bag, drove himself to Evelyn’s after work one day and had dinner in her state of the art dining room. But everyday after work he’d stop at his own place to water Louis’ plants that were looking sadder by the day on their kitchen windowsill, probably missing their plant mother. Louis was the one with the green thumb, not Harry. But the man did what he could, with a few video tutorials under his belt, he was learning.
Of course, it wasn’t all bad. Evelyn was beautiful and generous and intelligent beyond Harry’s comprehension. She could talk him under the table, sharing anecdotes from her time in Cambridge, her twenties in New York City, scattered bits where she’d slip in a mention of her ex husband, who had left her for his soulmate, a sophomore in University. It was too cold for the beach, but they drove up to her cabin anyway and Harry grilled steaks and built her a fire, which she didn’t appreciate half as much as Louis would, Harry had thought to himself.
For a week, Harry let himself free fall into his new life. Things were falling into place as nature decided they should, Harry was following his destiny and life should have felt balanced and complete. So why was it that when Harry finally got into bed with Evelyn, he felt nauseous and despicable. Not because of the stunning woman laid out in front of him, long blonde hair getting into his mouth when he tried to kiss her, starking green eyes following his every move, only managing to make him more nervous and anxious than he already was.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” She asked, her voice gentle and warm as she placed a hand on Harry’s arm. The man thought everything felt too much. His arms were straining as he held himself over Evelyn, her hands were too warm and her rings on his skin felt foreign. He felt out of place, maybe the room was too cold because Evelyn ran hot and didn’t like to turn the heater on even during the colder months, which should of been fine with Harry, whose body was naturally like a furnace, but he missed the warmth of his bedroom back home, the sweetness of vanilla instead of the sharpness of florals, short, silky fringe creating a halo on the pillows. Harry’s mind and soul recognised Evelyn as his, but his heart and his body ached for something else.
“Fuck,” Harry felt as if he was gasping for air, like his chest was closing up on itself. “Fuck, what the fuck.”
“Harry, you’re scaring me,” Evelyn frowned, quickly sitting up in concern. She watched Harry pull himself back, sitting on his haunches in front of her. “Are you having a panic attack?”
“I don’t know,” Harry cried, “I don’t feel so good.”
The woman quickly reached out for him. “Can I touch you?” She asked, voice tender and warm.
Harry nodded, a jerk of his head as he wrapped his arms around himself. Evelyn wrapped hers over his, holding him against her chest.
“You’re okay,” she cooed, rubbing circles on his lower back gently, “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
“Fuck, I feel like shit,” Harry yelled, angrily blinking his tears away. “I’m sorry,” he quickly apologised when he saw the crestfallen expression on the woman’s face. Only then he took note of how done up Evelyn was, she was wearing lipstick and with Harry’s limited knowledge of makeup, he could tell she had something on her eyes, making the green pop and her lashes hit her brow bone.
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry about, darling,” she held his face in her hands, long nails scratching Harry’s temples gently.
“You look pretty,” Harry commented once his breathing calmed down. His arms had fallen to his sides but Evelyn was still holding him against her. He took a big gulp of her scent, resting his cheek against the silk of her night gown.
“Did it for you,” she bit her lip, watching the man closely. “You okay, now?”
“I’m sorry I’m such a piece of shit soulmate.” Harry whispered, not sure if Evelyn had even heard it. But she had.
She sighed, scratching his scalp softly, it was calming the man down. “You’re wonderful, and you’re my soulmate even if you don’t want to have sex with me.”
“I do want to!” Harry groaned, “I do it’s just–”
“It’s fine, Harry. I get it,” she shrugged, a sad smile on her painted lips.
The man groaned, “It doesn’t feel right. I know it should, but it doesn’t.”
“Hey, soulmates come in all shapes. Maybe we aren’t supposed to be lovers, that’s plenty common,” she explained, “There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“But you want it, why don’t I? Aren’t we supposed to want the same things and all that crap?”
“Not exactly. We don’t really want the same things in life, if you think about it,” she hummed, “Soulmates are more than sex, Harry. I can still read your thoughts, I can still feel the anxious wires in your body, and I can tell that right now you need to go home to Louis.”
Harry pushed the heels of his palms against his eyes, rubbing aggressively, “Except that he’s not gonna be there.”
“Well, then go get him back. I’m not going anywhere, we can figure this out. You need him.”
Harry looked up at the woman who had turned the lamp on, her hands still on Harry’s bare knees. She squeezed them affectionately, and it was the push Harry needed.
“I’m going to get Louis,” he said aloud, starting to get off the bed.
“Slow down, it’s two AM. You’re going to fuck up any chances you had if you show up right now,” Evelyn laughed softly, pulling Harry back by his wrist. The man nodded, feeling stupid.
“In the morning then,” he promised.
“Maybe when you’re not this close to a breakdown, Harry. He’s undoubtedly going to be broken up, you need to be strong for him,” Evelyn reasoned as Harry pulled a pair of boxers on. He felt weird with his cock out while having this conversation. He was also cold.
“Can I still sleep here?” He asked tentatively, not sure whether the woman would let him get in her bed after he had just had a panic attack over the idea of having sex with her.
She smiled and then patted the left side of the bed, lifting the duvet as an invitation, “No funny business,” she added, making Harry break out into a chuckle.
“We can cuddle.” He proposed, “I’m always the big spoon with Louis.” He added once he was laying straight on his back. “Can we try it the other way?”
“Lucky for you, I’m always the big spoon. Turn over, big boy.” She patted his shoulder, making him grin and turn onto his side. Evelyn slid her arm under his, resting her hand on his stomach, with her cheek pressed against his shoulder blade. “Good night, H.”
“Thank you,” Harry whispered into the dark, receiving a small kiss on his shoulder. “Night.”
“Louis?” Harry tiptoed into the children’s room as quietly as he could, not wanting to wake the boy if he was asleep. He saw a small lump under the blanket still as soon as he walked in. “Baby, I know you’re up,” Harry sighed, sitting down on the rotating chair beside the bed. “Please, baby, can I see you?” He pleaded, only wanting a glimpse of his boy.
Slowly, the blanket crept down until it was right underneath Louis’ chin, puffy cheeks from multiple naps throughout the day and swollen red eyes coming into view. His hair was a silky mess atop his head, his fringe messily falling to one side. He gave Harry a sad, blank stare.
“You’re a sight for sore eyes, sweetheart.”
“Why are you here?” Louis’ tone was clipped and Harry could sense the hint of annoyance under it.
“To apologise and make things right. I want to take you home, baby.”
“Don’t,” Louis snapped.
“Baby, please, just let me say what I need to,” Harry groaned.
“Stop fucking calling me that, Harry,” Louis exclaimed, “And do you really think you deserve anything from me right now? I don’t want to see your face, much less let you say anything to me.”
“Can you at least let me see you properly? I just want to know if you’re okay, you’re worrying me.”
“I’m not your responsibility to worry about,” Louis huffed, tucking the blanket under his shoulders, making no move to sit up. “And what makes you think I’m not okay? Your big manly ego can’t fathom sorry, little me surviving without you? Think I’d be wailing as soon as you stepped out of my life for your shiny new soulmate?” Louis spat the last word out, hating the very existence of it.
“None of that, angel, absolutely none of that. You are so beautiful and strong, Lou,” Harry sighed, eyes full of worry as he sat on the chair at Louis’ desk.
“No, fuck you. I’m not always strong, I don’t want to pretend like I am. I haven’t showered in days, I can’t go downstairs and have tea with mum, I haven’t made a single piece of art since you pretty much kicked me out of my home,” Louis scoffed. “And since you’ve taken the liberty to make yourself so comfortable in my room Harry, how about you start with, what the fuck did I do wrong?” Louis spat.
“You were never wrong, angel. Not for a second.”
“I know that. I would have done anything for you. I literally packed up and left, for you. Somewhere in my heart I hoped that was a declaration of my love and it would make you return to your senses, but you just let me leave. Did I not give you absolutely everything, H?” Louis felt his voice breaking the longer he spoke, anger turning into pain when he felt his throat tighten.
“You were perfect,” Harry stated, hands in his lap and squeezing his fingers. Louis knew that was a nervous trait of his. He should be nervous; he should be apologetic and miserable.
“But that’s not enough for you, is it? Nothing ever is.”
Harry felt a pang in his heart with each word Louis spoke.
“I know, sweetheart, and it kills me living every day knowing that I was wrong and foolish.”
“Good,” Louis whispered to himself, “but you won’t ever feel even a fraction of what I do. I- you know how hard it was for me, I trusted you. I depended on you, I finally felt safe with you, Harry. And you took that away from me without a second thought.” Louis felt his throat closing up on itself as he spilled out everything he had been reluctant to pile onto his mother. Harry should hear it, he should hear every hurtful bit of it so he can carry it on his conscience and feel half as terrible as Louis did. His poor mother didn’t deserve to hear about her son’s heartbreak, it would only cause her to worry out of her mind.
“I can barely speak to mum without breaking down or zoning out. She’s been going crazy asking me to let it go, to take it all out and talk to her about it. How do I tell her the man I’ve loved for years didn’t deem me worth a second glance the moment destiny told him to look the other way? That he didn’t just look, he gave up everything we built for someone who walked into our lives mere months ago. It’ll break her, Harry. Hearing about her baby boy’s heart being broken by the only man he has ever told her he’s going to give her grandbabies with, it’s going to ruin my poor mum,” Louis sobbed, pausing and then letting out a wet, pitiful laugh. “And to think I was ready to be your side bitch, if it meant that I got to stay with you. God, I feel so pathetic,” Louis laughed bitterly.
“You’re not pathetic,” Harry snapped, hating to watch Louis beat himself up over his pure love for the man.
“I know, but you are, Harry. A pathetic excuse of a man, if you can’t even make decisions for yourself and need some higher power to make them for you. Is that not pathetic, Harry?” Louis added cruelly, although through his abundant tears it sounded pitiful.
Harry watched Louis silently, he wanted to take away the boy’s pain, but he was the one who caused it in the first place. His Louis, his sweet, caring Louis who even in his darkest moments was being careful not to hurt his mother, thinking about her health more than his own heartbreak. Bottling up everything inside of him because he didn’t want to hurt his family. Selfless, thoughtful, beautiful Louis. Harry didn’t think there could be a pain greater than Louis leaving him, but he realised watching his boy tremble with his own cries caused by Harry’s actions was a pain unrivaled.
“There might be something broken in me, keeping me from having the same destiny as you and Evelyn and mum and dad do, but I didn’t care about that because to me, I was yours. In the way soulmates are, Harry. You know why it hurts so bad? Because I’m not even your fucking soulmate, and I’ll never have my own to fix the giant hole in my chest right now.” With every word, Louis’ tears intensified until he was hysterically crying, the kind of cry that shook his narrow shoulders and his small torso, his hands clutching onto the blanket. “What, you don’t have anything to add?” The boy asked between his cries.
Harry looked up, his face pained. “I actually came to tell you that Evelyn and I decided we weren’t going to take our relationship there.”
“What?” Louis said, shocked as he wiped his cheeks. “What do you mean?”
“We decided it was better to stay friends. Soulmates can be just friends too.”
“Oh. So now they can be just friends?” Louis scoffed, “Harry. What the actual fuck are you on about?”
“Please let me fix this, Lou. I made a huge mistake and I’m ready to do whatever it takes to rectify it,” Harry begged, wrapping his big hand around Louis’ small ankle. The boy jerked his foot, kicking Harry’s hand off it.
Louis scoffed, tucking his feet back under the blanket. “You know what the issue with men like you is? You’re so used to just taking and feeling entitled to fools like me who keep on giving and never expecting anything in return. I gave you all of me, every bit of love and energy I had. Don’t you think you’ve taken enough from me, Harry? For one second, you didn’t wonder that it's a possibility I don’t want you back anymore,” Louis spat. “I know it sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? Just a week ago I was practically begging you to let me stay in our home. I put aside my dignity and let you walk all over me with your brand new soulmate. I can’t believe I thought it would be perfectly normal for you to bring Evelyn to our house and live your life as her soulmate and just let me be there, like some side piece,” Louis groaned in disbelief, “But that was then. It’s funny how it works, one second you’re ready to throw away all your self respect just to have the man you love give you a second’s attention and then it’s like a switch has been turned off. His presence disgusts you, being in the same room as him makes your head hurt.”
Harry winced, knowing he was the reason Louis was angrily chugging water from a pink flask, rubbing his temple, tired from his crying and his rant. Harry had tired his sweet boy out, and not in the way he usually liked to. Right now, seeing the bags under Louis’ eyes, his dirty hair, the exhausted look on his face left a bitter taste in Harry’s mouth. He was at fault for wearing Louis out and he hated himself for it.
“Baby.” Harry’s own voice was choked up, wet as he had swallowed his tears. “I’m a son of a bitch. I know this, god I don’t know what got into me, Lou. I know I’ve royally fucked this up, baby, but I’m going to make it right. I love you.” He waited for Louis to snap at him, tell him to fuck off, he was ready to take whatever Louis threw at him, everything except what spilled from the boy’s lips next.
“I don’t love you right now, Harry. I’m not sorry either,” he shrugged, aimlessly twisting the hem of his shirt around his finger. He seemed lost in thought, Harry wished he could read the boy’s mind, he hated being reminded that Louis was not his soulmate, no matter how badly Harry wished he was.
“Not right now, of course you don’t, baby. I don’t deserve it, but I will fix this. Okay? I’ll do right by you, Lou. I made you fall in love with me once, I’ll do it again.” Harry was met with silence.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity to Harry, Louis looked up. “You guys aren’t together then?”
“No, sweetheart. We’re soulmates, and I love her. But not the way I love you. I was wrong, my heart and my body, they need you Lou. Not her. I almost projectile vomited all over her last night, I couldn’t have been more wrong about what I needed,” Harry cringed.
“You really hurt me, H.”
“I know. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I love you.”
“I’m really tired,” Louis cried softly, pressing two fingers roughly against his forehead, rubbing his brows.
Harry cursed at himself silently, “Lie down, angel. Take a nap, I’ll see myself out.” The man dared to tuck Louis under the blanket, sighing in relief when the boy turned to his side, snuggling under the covers as he dozed off, not minding the closeness between Harry and him. Harry wanted to lean down and kiss his temple, hoping to take away some of his migraine but he knew that would be crossing a boundary that Louis needed right now, so instead he quietly slipped out of the room, leaving the door a smidge open.
Louis’ dad was standing at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for Harry, “How was he?”
“Hello, Robert,” Harry raised his brows, not having seen the man when he first came. “He’s upset. Just went down for a nap, don’t wake him for dinner. I’m going to drop some food off for him.”
Robert smiled, “I don’t know what’s going between you two and I know the missus is not on speaking terms with you right now, lad. But I hope you figure it out, he needs you to fix it.” The man tilted his head towards the stairs, where Louis’ room was.
“I know, I’m going to.”
“And don’t give up, he’s tough like his mum but we need to give them our best, and I’m guessing you haven’t done that lately,” the man gave Harry a look of disappointment, which made Harry angry at himself because he respected Louis’ dad and he knew he had let him down. A year ago, when Louis and he spent the boy’s birthday with his parents, Harry had a chat with Rob about his intentions with Louis. Louis had told his mum they were going to try for kids next year or the one after that and Rob had pulled Harry to the side to make him promise that he would treat his son right. Right now, Harry knew he had broken the promise.
“I’m not planning to, I’m gonna do whatever it takes. He’s gonna go back home with me, Rob.”
The man gave Harry a stiff nod, “Louis will always have a home with his mum and I. Don’t forget that.”
Harry bit down a smile, it wasn’t the first time he was getting the protective father threats from Robert. “I won’t, sir, I’m grateful he has the support he needs right now.”
Harry picked out a bag full of Louis’ favourite sweets and crisps at the Sainsbury’s next to the sandwich shop Louis and he used to frequent for lunches. He ordered Louis’ usual chicken salad sub and a sugar free Vimto to go with it, just the way he liked it. After dropping the food at his parent’s house, he debated whether he should visit his mother since he was out of London already, but decided against it when he thought of all the Louis and Evelyn related questions the woman would ambush him with. He was not ready for that just yet.
What he really needed was to go home, strip out of his wet jacket and boots and then spend the entire weekend slumped across the sofa. In an ideal world, he would have his boy call him from the kitchen, Dinner’s ready, darling in his playful voice, having finished plating their chinese takeout. But instead, he would go home and overthink his meeting with Louis, wail about his own misjudgement and stuff his face with ready salted crisps. Maybe he’d binge-watch American Dad too, the possibilities were endless as a lonely, single fool who had just fucked up the best thing that had ever happened to him and lost the only good thing in his life.
Louis was fresh out of the bath, hot water helping with the knots in his back, his hair was frizzy from the humidity and he smelt like his mum’s rose scented body wash he secretly loved. He decided to put on something besides his cozy joggers and was pulling on a pair of corduroys when his mother walked in. Surprised, he yelped at the intrusion and thanked himself for putting on his underwear before.
“Mum, I’m changing,” Louis whined, hurrying in zipping his jeans so he could face his mother with dignity.
“Well, you better hurry because Harry’s downstairs again and he really won’t leave.”
Sometimes it shocked Louis how much Emma could hate Harry. She adored him once, back when he was still a loving, caring boyfriend to her son and her charming future son in law in her eyes. Now she saw him in a completely different light, someone who broke her baby’s heart and she resented every inch of him. The same Harry she would cook shepherd’s pie and bake puddings for, she couldn’t stand the sight of on her front door. Louis wished he had her strength and the heart to hate Harry and to block him out but he didn’t. He was too weak when it came to the man, and although he was supposed to be moving on, he felt a familiar warm feeling in his stomach at the mention of the man’s name and found himself rushing to fix his hair in the mirror.
“I’m coming, tell him I’ll be there in a few.”
“I’m not speaking to him,” Emma snapped, “I don’t want you to see him, Louis.”
“Mum, I can handle my own. I love you, but I’m ready alright? I feel better, stronger. I can deal with him.” Louis reassured her, smiling sadly when he got a reluctant sigh from her.
“I worry for you, Lou. I know you’re the strongest boy, but you’re only just getting out of your slump and I don’t want the bastard to drag you down again.” She scowled as she spoke, probably thinking of keying Harry’s car. Louis wanted to giggle, but he knew the mood was too solemn to do so.
“I feel good, I promise. I think I’m old enough to handle a conversation with my ex on my own, aren’t I?”
Emma nodded, kissing his forehead when he walked up to her. She was still a few inches taller than him, and she said she loved it because she still felt like he was her baby. “You look great. Go kick his ass.”
With his mother’s supportive words in his head, he walked downstairs to their front door. Snow was piling on thick that week and he instantly caught himself worrying if Harry could drive back home in this weather.
Emma hadn’t bothered inviting him to stand in their hallway, so he was outside leaning against their bins with his hands tucked into his black Northface. When he saw Louis through the window, he stubbed out the end of his cigarette under his toe and walked up to the door to meet the boy.
Louis took a moment to take in his appearance. It had been a few days since Harry had ambushed him in his bedroom, since then he had seen the man once more when Harry had brought him some art supplies Louis had forgotten in their garage. The man’s cheeks were pink from the cold and Louis could almost see the frost on his usually plump lips. His hair was hidden under a beanie and Louis wondered if it had gotten longer. He smelt of cigarette smoke and Louis scrunched his nose, hating that Harry had picked up the habit from him but while he had quit as last year's New Year's resolution, the man had kept it up.
“Hi,” Louis spoke first, uncomfortable under Harry’s attentive gaze.
“Can I come in?”
Louis looked around, making sure Emma was still upstairs before nodding and leading the man to the kitchen. Wordlessly, he began making them drinks in an attempt to warm Harry up, a protective feeling taking over him at seeing the man blow into his cupped hands when he walked inside. Harry hung his jacket up and neatly placed his wet trainers besides Louis’ wellingtons before following him in.
“Sit,” Louis nodded his head at the kitchen table and felt butterflies when Harry scurried to follow his directions, looking odd with his lanky, broad limbs in their cozy kitchen, trying to fit his long legs under the small table. He looked out of place, but his presence still made Louis feel at home. Even though this was where he spent his entire childhood, Harry’s heavy breathing and big hands tapping nervously at the edge of the table added an additional blanket of comfort he had missed a lot.
When Louis joined him with their drinks, two hot chocolates, Harry’s done just the way he liked with a cloud of whipped cream and cinnamon, he sat their respective mugs down and faced the man. They were twenty five and thirty, sitting in Louis’ parent’s kitchen drinking cocoa out of Winnie the Pooh mugs, treading around the impending conversation, both too hurt to form an argument. Louis would have laughed at a scene like this in a movie six months ago, would have found it pathetic. He felt pretty pathetic sitting there at that moment.
“Thank you for letting me in,” Harry began, licking a thin stripe of whipped cream off his cupid’s bow.
“Mum was against it.”
“I know. She hates me, I don’t blame her.”
“No, I don’t either. I don’t know why I let you in really, but I felt better and ready to talk.”
“That’s great, baby,” Harry cooed, almost breathing out a sigh of relief at hearing Louis was doing better. Louis glared at him for the pet name but didn’t say a thing about it. “You look nice.”
Louis hummed, “I just got out of the bath when you came.” He felt his cheeks flush and blamed it on the steam from the hot chocolate, but knew it was because he felt a sense of pride for looking good and still having an affect on Harry, enough to make the man give nervous compliments, eager to please him.
They sat in silence for a few moments, Harry staring at the calendar on the fridge behind Louis, the boy watching Harry’s eyes read over the notes on the fridge door.
“Your birthday is coming up–”
“Can we get to the point, why are you really here, Harry?” Louis said curtly, tired of him avoiding the topic at hand. The man sighed, looking down at their fingers dangerously close to each other, nearly touching across the table.
“I miss you,” he confessed, eyes full of guilt when Louis looked into them.
“I miss you too,” the boy added, “I’m really tired.”
“I know, baby. I know you are. God,I just want you to let me make you feel better,” Harry begged. The kitchen lights would wash anyone else out, but Harry looked especially handsome under them, Louis noticed. A roughness to his features, blotchy cheeks and freckles and a smattering of beard, that some of Louis’ friends commented was rather plain, but Louis found it gave an old school, rugged charm to the man, complimenting his strong demeanor well. He reminded Louis of a newspaper boy from his grandfather’s time, or a hard working farmer with soft cheeks and rough hands.
Harry had always treated Louis with the same gentleness a farmer would to a baby lamb, Louis knew how protected and cared for he was, all his friends and his parents told him Harry spoiled him rotten. He had gotten used to the fragility with which Harry dealt with him, softest of touches and sweetest of words, until it was ripped away from him. He didn’t want to, but the boy could still recognise the man he loved under those broad shoulders and tired face. Somewhere in him, he could feel the same admiration and protection that he did for Harry only a few months ago.
“I don’t need you to make me feel better, I’m managing well enough on my own,” Louis exasperated.
“I need you, Lou. Taking care of you is the only way I can feel better.”
Louis scoffed, “Sounds awfully selfish.”
“Maybe it does but it's the truth. You know that, baby, I can’t live not knowing how you’re doing, if you’re good. I want to be the one making you smile and feel happy. You don’t need me to do those things, but I need you to feel any sense of normalcy again, angel.” Harry professed.
“You always were the one doing those things, Harry. And I realised too late that I was so emotionally dependent on you that I could barely make myself get out of bed and take a shower without you besides me. That’s not healthy,” Louis sighed. “I needed you too much and I’m finally getting around to standing on my own two feet.”
“If you stop needing me, I’ll feel like I’ve lost all purpose, baby, Harry sounded distraught and Louis knew he was close to tears. He felt nauseous, he hated seeing Harry cry because the man always tried his utmost to blink his tears away and swallow his sobs down, always wanting to keep up his strong front. Louis had only seen him tear up a handful of times and did not plan on witnessing it again, specially not there and then. It would break down all the walls he had built and lead him right into Harry’s arms.
“You know that’s not true, Harry. You can’t feel that way, it’s so toxic. For the both of us, you shouldn’t need to take care of me to feel good about yourself.”
At that point, Harry was sniffling and Louis knew the man had started to cry. He felt uncomfortable, fighting the urge to gather him up in his arms or tell him to leave. He couldn’t be so heartless though, so he simply sat there until Harry looked up from his lap and towards Louis.
“You’re putting me on the spot here, Harry. What do you want me to say? That I accept your apologies and am willing to move right back in and continue like nothing ever happened? Now that your soulmate has up and left and you realise you want me back, like sloppy seconds?” Louis whispered, the boy was hurt and his voice showed that.
Harry wasn’t too far off himself with his red, painful eyes and Louis hated to look into them. “I always knew I wanted you, baby. I was just stupid and too excited. I was being naive, I see that now.” The man pushed his chair back, letting his hands fall into his lap. “Can I come to you?” He asked, his voice much softer.
Louis paused for a second, deciding if he was ready to touch Harry just yet or not. After a second, he nodded, holding in a breath when the man took two steps and fell to his knees before Louis. He wrapped his arms around the boy’s waist, resting his head on Louis’ lap. The familiar, heavy weight of it on Louis’ thighs felt comfortable, and he found himself immediately running his fingers through Harry’s hair. It was short, so hee kept his hands there, finger tips pressing into the man’s scalp.
“Is this okay?” Harry asked, mouth moving against Louis’ thighs, making the boy shiver in his seat.
“Don’t say anything right now. It’ll ruin it,” Louis mumbled, softly scratching under Harry’s ear. Sometimes the man seemed like an overgrown golden retriever, loving and playful and needy. For the last few months, that undivided attention was directed towards Evelyn, and Louis could already feel the excitement settle into his bones knowing he had it back.
They sat like that in silence for a while, Louis heard his dad come home, hushed whispers between his parents in the hallway before they both went upstairs, giving the young couple their privacy in the kitchen. Louis thanked Emma in his head, knowing it was probably killing her not to interrupt and kick Harry out. It was too late for that, Louis had already fallen back into the man’s arms.
At some point, Louis’ legs started to ache and he shifted them, disrupting Harry’s peaceful nap.
The man looked up at Louis, confused.
“Tired,” the boy mumbled, dusting his trousers off distractedly when Harry got up to his feet. “It’s late.” He put their empty mugs in the sink, taking a second to ground himself before turning around, leaning on the counter. He looked expectantly at the man standing in front of him, hands tucked into his pockets, shoulders slouching uncomfortably. The lampshade hanging from the kitchen ceiling was nearly touching Harry’s head and Louis knew the man was trying to make himself smaller to fit into the tight space.
Harry scratched the back of his neck, “I should get back home.”
“The snow is too thick. It’s not safe to drive out there right now.”
“I can kip at Matt’s,” Harry shrugged. Matt was his cousin who happened to live down the street from Louis’ parents home.
Louis groaned, “Just take the sofa, Harry.” He pushed himself off the counter, walking out into the living room and removing his tote bag from the green, two seater sofa. He cringed inwardly, knowing it was nearly too small for himself and surely Harry couldn’t lie on it with his legs stretched out. However, it was their only option since Louis was not about to invite the man to sleep in his childhood bed with him, not in the situation they were in. “I’ll get you a blanket,” Louis added. Harry nodded wordlessly, sitting down on the sofa.
When Louis got back, the man was scrolling through his phone. Louis stood on the last stair, just watching him bite his nails and scroll with the other hand, the white light from the screen making his eyes sparkle.
“Here,” he placed the blanket and pillow beside Harry, and then took a step back.
“Thank you, baby.”
Louis nodded, biting his cheek at the pet name. “Good night.” He didn’t wait to hear Harry’s response because he was already rushing up the stairs, back to his room where he locked the door behind him and slid down to the carpeted floor.
The next morning, Louis had gone downstairs expecting for Harry to have left, but the man was still sitting on the sofa, tucked to the side with his hands on his knees. He gave Louis a sheepish smile and then cocked his head towards the kitchen, where Louis noticed an angry Emma in her dressing gown.
“Morning, mum,” Louis sighed, walking into the kitchen.
“You won’t believe it but I’ve had the most horrible morning,” Emma said bitterly. “Take a guess why?”
“I wouldn’t have an idea,” Louis rolled his eyes, pouring water into his mug. “He’s just about to leave.”
“Please tell me he slept on the sofa, or better yet, on the floor,” Emma whispered loudly. Louis heard Harry cough from the living room, which was five steps away.
He sighed, “Sofa, mum. Can I offer him tea, at least?”
“Do whatever you want, I’m going back to bed.” The woman turned to scowl at Harry one last time before taking the stairs.
“So I’m guessing she still doesn’t like me,” Harry scratched the back of his neck, now leaning against the fridge. Louis passed him a cup of tea and then went to sit at the kitchen table.
“Still? It’s been a week, Harry. Gonna take more than that to win her back,” he scoffed.
“And what about you? Can I still win you back?” The man asked hopefully.
Louis pressed his lips together, ignoring the man’s question as he let the steam from his drink warm him up. “The snow’s gotten better,” he pointed. “I have lots of work to do.”
“You’re making art again?”
“No, Harry. I’m still heartbroken and I’m going to go back to bed, watch Corpse Bride and wallow for another week. Get out, now,” Louis said curtly, nodding his head towards the front door. The man took his cue then, setting his still full mug down on the table before leaving for the door.
“I’ll see you soon,” he called out, waiting for a reply from Louis but the boy just stared at him from the hallway until he left.
Louis did see him soon. Harry was back two days later with a present.
“What is this?” Louis deadpanned when he opened the door to let the man in.
Harry looked at the three foot tall tree next to him. “A corn plant.”
The boy stared at him.
“I thought you might be missing your kitchen babies and I didn’t want to move them from their home–”
“Like you moved their mother?” Louis snapped.
“Lou, baby,” Harry groaned, “I’m sorry. I looked it up and it’s a winter plant and doesn’t need much light. It can give you company while you wallow in your dark room,” He teased.
“You’re so full of shit. Get it inside,” Louis moved back to allow the man to carry the plant inside their hallway. “You’re gonna have to carry him upstairs,” Louis crossed his arms over his chest, not letting the fascination show on his face as he checked his new present out.
“Is this your way of winning me back? A corn plant?” He asked while Harry carried it up the stairs to his room, Louis right behind him.
“I saw it at the garden center and thought of you,” Harry shrugged nonchalantly.
“Since when do you just happen to be browsing through garden centers?” Louis raised a brow in disbelief.
“What? I can’t go to a garden center now?”
“Just never took you for a man of nature,” Louis scoffed.
“Maybe you don’t know me as well then, sweetheart.”
“Are you flirting with me?” Louis asked, annoyed.
“Are you flirting with me? ”
“You wish.”
“I do,” Harry nodded and then chuckled when Louis rolled his eyes. “How about we get to know each other a bit better then?” He proposed. “Maybe over lunch, what do you say, beautiful?”
“Too fast, Harry,” Louis groaned, pushing at the man’s solid chest as he passed him. Harry followed him down the stairs, to the kitchen. “Not there yet.”
The man sat at the table wordlessly, watching Louis busy himself pulling things out of the fridge and shutting the microwave door too loudly. Then, a plate of reheated food was slid in front of him.
“I’m taking it, you just asked me to lunch because you haven’t had anything since last night, have you?” Louis quipped, biting into an apple.
Harry looked down at the plate. Last night’s lasagna, probably.
“I miss your cooking,” the man sighed, lifting the limp pasta with his fork.
“That’s the best you’re gonna get, I still can’t stand the sight of you,” Louis scowled, turning around to face the kitchen window.
“I’m sorry.”
“I swear to god, if I have to hear you say that one more time I’m gonna cut my ears off,” Louis whined, and Harry quickly shut up because the boy looked like he was about to start stomping his feet and banging his fists out of frustration.
“This is great,” he mumbled with a mouth full.
“See yourself out,” Louis groaned, leaving Harry alone in the kitchen.
“Lou, why is there a tree in your room?” Emma yelled down the stairs. Louis and his dad were watching Gogglebox, eating lamb doner from styrofoam boxes, courtesy of Robert. Louis felt like a teenager again, roasting stupid people on the television with his father.
“Harry got it!” Louis yelled back. His father winced besides him. The poor man was still not used to his wife and son’s pitch.
Emma walked into the living room, carrying a laundry basket. God, he missed not having to clean up after himself and a manchild. He forgot how nice it was to let your mother dote over you.
“He didn’t think some lilies would’ve been good?” Emma scoffed, grabbing the box of food from her husband and placing herself besides him on the sofa. Louis watched his parents’ domesticity with slight jealousy.
“It’s a corn plant, it doesn’t need much light,” Louis shrugged. “I think it’s sweet.”
“Rob, our son is letting that bastard woo him with houseplants .”
“Really, Lou. We thought we raised you with better standards,” Robert gasped dramatically, his mother nodding along completely serious.
“Can you guys stop bashing our child?” Louis exclaimed, “He’ll be no trouble, I’m gonna keep him in my room.”
His parents shared a look, worry etched on their faces.
“What?” Louis asked dumbly. He got no response, the couple had returned to their food and the commentary on the television. The boy huffed, stuffing his face with chips.
The unnamed corn plant stared at Louis from across his room until the boy was squirming uncomfortably. He decided it was time to draw his curtains and let some light in for the poor little guy. And for the plant.
Harry had sent him a good morning, what’s up, and sweet dreams x text every day for the past three days. Louis had replied the third day at four pm telling him he was painting. Robert had mentioned wanting to re-do their garage before Christmas and Louis took it upon himself to do a mural on one of the walls. He sent Harry a picture of it when it was done less than a week later.
It was the middle of November and Louis was enjoying the break from adult life far too much. He had driven his father’s car to the city to get more clothes and Harry looked crestfallen until Louis told him things had not gotten worse, he just needed a reset and spending the holidays with his parents was exactly that.
Apparently, the man had taken his words more than literally, as he increased his visits to nearly thrice a week, always coming in with food and hot drinks and new paints and Louis’ boxes of Christmas decorations.
“Don’t you need some of this stuff for the home?” Louis asked as Harry brought a ladder out to the driveway. He was helping them put their lights up, even though Christmas was a month away. They were just simple, yellow lights and Louis had firmly stated to everyone in the house that he felt like he needed some festive joy and if the neighbours had anything snarky to say about it they could take it up with him. That had shut Robert and Harry up.
“Don’t think I have the knack for home decor, I don’t know what to do with half that stuff,” Harry said cluelessly. Louis held onto the bottom of the ladder but the man climbing it was still fearing for his life, knowing Louis was frivolous when it came to any work requiring the use of muscle power.
“You should go see your mum,” Louis suggested, “Don’t spend Christmas alone.”
“I wasn’t planning to. I thought I could, I don’t know–”
“Spend it here?” Louis quirked a brow. Harry looked below him to see the boy with his hands on his hips, even with a scowl on his face he looked adorable in his long sweater that looked more like a dress. “My mum is not ready to have you over for the holidays, H.”
“Are you?” Harry asked, “Mum’s going to talk my ear off if I go home without you.”
“You haven’t told her?!”
“I tried to, Lou! You know she’s impossible. Besides, I did tell her we were on a break. Try explaining to my mother what a break is,” Harry said defensively, “Have you told yours?”
“No,” Louis blushed, “Fairly I don’t think it’s their business.”
Harry climbed down the steps carefully, the ladder shaking at the end as Louis had forgotten his duty to hold on to it. “You’re right,” He agreed, smiling at his boy fondly. “We’re not teens, we don’t need to share our marital problems with them.”
Louis scoffed, “Far from that.”
Harry reached for him, wrapping his hand around the boy’s elbow. Louis turned around, giving him a glare.
“Hey,” He started, “Thank you. For respecting me like that and not completely obliterating me in front of your mother.”
Louis shrugged, “Didn’t do it for you. Actually I just felt pathetic and humiliated and didn’t want my parents to know their son had turned out this way.”
Harry frowned, tugging Louis closer gently. The boy complied, surprisingly.
“I’m the only one who should feel that way, sweetheart. I’m the one who was stupid enough to let go of something so precious, that any other man in my place would kill to have.”
“You didn’t let go of me, Harry. I didn’t want to go anywhere, you pushed me away,” Louis said pointedly, though he didn’t move from his place, the toes of their boots were pressed against each other, slowly sinking into the snow. Harry thought he should probably offer to clean Robert’s driveway for him.
“I wasn’t thinking straight, baby,” the man confessed, “Even Evelyn agrees.”
“How is she?” Louis asked, diverting from the heavy conversation. He was having a nice afternoon that almost felt normal, he didn’t want to sour his mood.
“She’s good, yeah. Still slumped with year end work and all that.”
“Why don’t you spend the holidays with her?”
“She’s going to New York to spend it with her sister’s family.”
“Shame,” Louis pouted, “Christmas in New York does sound beautiful though, doesn’t it?”
“You wanna spend your birthday in Times Square, huh?” Harry grinned.
“Ugh, let’s not even go there. I don’t want to think about it this year,” Louis made a gagging noise, “Do I have to start saying I’m in my late twenties now? Oh I’m gonna be sick.”
“A beautiful, hot and tantalising twenty six years old,” Harry teased.
“Go to hell,” Louis spat. “Old man.”
“What, you’re not into them?” Harry smirked suggestively, hands inching towards the boy’s hips but they were slapped away before he could rest them on the sweet, inviting curves.
Louis rolled his eyes, “Grab the ladder, Harry.”
Evelyn’s company was throwing a very early Christmas party and she asked Harry to join her before she had to leave for the States. They got ready together at her house, where Harry found himself most of the time when he wasn’t bothering Louis. He hated being alone at their home, skin crawling in their empty bed and the sound of his own breathing too loud as he ate dinner for one in their kitchen. Evelyn had fixed up one of her two guest bedrooms for Harry and he felt much more comfortable in the woman’s house after their first night together. He even learned how she liked her eggs and she added a profile for him on her Netflix account.
“Louis asked about you,” Harry commented as he drove them to the party.
Evelyn smiled brightly, “How is he doing?”
“He’s making art again.”
“That’s wonderful. I bought a few pieces he has displayed at this boutique I always go to, presents for my sister. Will make for an interesting story to tell her the origin of them.” She giggled. “And how are the two of you? Any progress on that front?”
Harry grinned to himself, “Yeah I think it’s going well, actually. He’s still a little snappy around the edges, but nothing I can’t smooth out.”
“He gets a pass for as long as he needs, H.” Evelyn scoffed, “Least you can give him.”
“No, I deserve the attitude, I enjoy it more than the silence at least.”
“He’s a sweetheart, you know that? We both did him wrong, Harry.”
“Why you?” The man frowned, raising a confused brow.
“Let’s say I made promises I couldn’t end up keeping.” Evelyn chewed on her bottom lip, nervously fixing the cuffs of her silk blouse.
“Yeah, tell me about it,” Harry groaned. “And you’re right. He’s too good for everyone. We don’t deserve him.”
The woman sighed, grabbing Harry’s hands once they had parked outside the building. “Listen to me. You made a mistake, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve him. You’re fixing this, you love him and that boy, he loves you so much Harry. He’s still yours, so you go and get him and stop believing that you’re a piece of shit.”
“Aren’t I?” Harry winced.
“Not completely,” Evelyn added, “And he still wants you. No restraining order, am I right?”
“Not yet.”
Somewhere between making pottery commissions for his mother’s friends and going ice-skating with his father every other weekend, Louis had come out of his sad, post-break up slump.
So really, Luke’s timing couldn't have been better. The man stopped by while Louis was cleaning the garage and asked him if he wanted to go for a walk and a hot chocolate. Louis could never pass on a hot chocolate from town center, so he agreed easily.
“Didn’t think you’d still be home,” Luke started, “I went into the city myself for a bit, stayed with some friends. Remember Vikram from year ten?”
“No,” Louis mused, taking in the beautiful late November scenery of their neighbourhood.
“He owns this crazy tech startup and offered me a job.”
“I thought you were an engineer?” Louis asked.
“I am,” Luke chuckled, “he needs one to fill in a position. They’re expanding and it’s giving me a solid reason to stay here.”
“That’s great, Luke,” Louis patted the man’s arm as he opened the door of the cafe for Louis. They walked inside and ordered their drinks. Instead of sitting inside like last time, Louis slid his arm through the man’s and told him he wanted to go see the winter market at town square.
Luke grinned at their interlocked arms, “It’s good to see you cheerful again, Lou. I’m guessing you’re over him, then?”
The boy hummed, “I don’t know yet.”
“Don’t tell me you’re thinking of going back to him!”
“You don’t know what happened between us,” Louis frowned.
Luke looked apologetic immediately, realising how rude he sounded, “You’re right. I apologise for overstepping.” He squeezed the boy’s arm, “You know what you’re doing.”
“I do, yeah,” Louis nodded confidently.
“Don’t know why, but I just thought I had a chance,” the man shrugged.
“What’d I do to let you believe that?”
“Nothing,” Luke clicked his tongue, “Wishful thinking, you know?”
“I’m sorry, but I just got out of this three year long relationship heartbroken, and now I’m contemplating going back to it. A lot going on up here right now,” Louis tapped against his temple, “Don’t think I can fit you in between all that mess.”
“Got nothing to apologise for. I’m happy to be your casual cafe date every now and then.”
“Oh, is this a date?”
“Can’t you give me just that?” The man asked, a small smile playing on his lips. Louis threw his head back in a laugh, after a long time.
“Persistent like always, I’ll give you that .”
Half way through December, Harry took Louis for Hot Pot after trying and failing multiple times to score a date with the boy until Louis had reluctantly agreed, but only because he was curious to try a new dish. Harry was excited to pick him up from his house and Robert even went outside to talk to the man while he waited for Louis.
“Thank you for coming,” he said sincerely as they drove to the restaurant.
“Felt like getting out of the house,” Louis mumbled, staring out the window and watching the snow covered motorway pass by. “Has Evelyn left?”
“Mhm,” Harry nodded, “Drove her to the airport a week ago.”
“That’s nice,” Louis played with the loose button on his coat, “How’s your mum?”
“Asking about you. She wants you over for game night,” Harry said. Harry’s mother hosted their close friends and family for an early Christmas dinner and board games every year and Louis had attended the last two years. He was always on the team opposing Harry and enjoyed watching the man get competitive with his cousins, nieces and nephews.
“She’s not going to let it go, will she?” Louis sighed, resigned.
Harry hummed, “I want you to come, too.”
“I’ll think about it.” Louis said, biting back a smile as he stared ahead.
Louis decided it wasn’t Jean’s fault her son was an asshole, he wasn’t always like that. So he couldn’t turn her down when she called him to personally invite him.
“I know my idiot son has messed things up,” she started, “But it won’t feel the same without you, Lou! We’ve all gotten used to you here.”
“I don’t know, Jean. Won’t it be awkward?”
“You’re my guest, you don’t have to come as his plus one,” the woman argued, “I’m sending you a car to drive you up here, the driver just happens to be Harry, alright?”
Louis giggled, “Okay. Alright, I’ll be there.”
“Thanks for doing this,” Harry said while opening the car door for Louis.
“Again, not doing it for you. Jean asked me and I didn’t want to let her down.”
“You’re too good, baby.” Harry grinned, waving at Emma and Robert who were watching from the front door.
Louis hummed, “I know.”
Harry put on Louis’ ABBA playlist without the boy having to fight for it and sang along to it animatedly until Louis was giggling and joining him.
He didn’t want to accept it but it felt good to be in the car with Harry again, not thinking about their relationship and just enjoying each other's company like they did before. Louis was quickly reminded of why he had fallen in love with the man in the first place. Eager to please, funny, sweet Harry. Pointing out things and retelling stories as they drove up to his mother’s house, trying to pull laughs from the boy next to him. He even stopped at a McDonald’s drive-thru to get Louis a muffin and a latte.
Dinner had gone smoothly, Louis teaming up with Harry’s sister and brother-in-law only for Harry to cheat with his preteen nephews and win the first round of games. The next round, Louis’ team won and he wasn’t going to lie, it felt great to smash whipped cream onto Harry’s face.
Jean tried to get Louis to stay but the boy reminded her there was no place for him to stay with their family and friends taking over the other rooms and sofas. Usually he’d sleep with Harry in his childhood bedroom but that wasn’t going to happen that night.
“Mum, don’t push him.” Harry warned, placing a hand on Louis’ back as the boy pulled his coat on. “He’s already doing us a favour, coming here to grace us with his presence,” he teased.
Louis rolled his eyes, “This was great, Jean. Thank you for inviting me,” Louis hugged the woman, kissing her cheek before the couple left.
Louis’ birthday came too soon, and he woke up feeling cranky and sore. He had fallen asleep on the sofa watching late night TV and didn’t have a boyfriend to carry him to bed later, hence his neck was cramping and he was a very grumpy twenty-six year old.
“There’s a delivery for you in the hallway, love.” Robert mentioned after kissing his son’s forehead and wishing him. Louis knew what it would be, without doubt a present from Harry. He shuffled out of the living room to go check them out, a larger than life cookie cake and a gift bag accompanied by some flowers and cards from his family.
Harry had spent the past two weeks begging for a wish list from Louis and the boy had resigned to his persistence eventually, telling him he needed a dressing gown because it was the only thing that came to his mind.
He wasn’t complaining once he was cozied up in his new garments after a much needed, hour long birthday bath, the soft, expensive fleece against his moisturised, smooth skin felt heavenly. He ate a quarter of his cookie cake for breakfast and intended on spending the rest of the day reading his cards, and setting them up on the mantle like he used to when he was younger. He wasn’t expecting anyone since Harry had driven back up to his mother’s and Louis didn’t think he’d come back on Christmas eve just for his birthday.
So when the doorbell rang in the evening, he thought the man might be surprising him. Louis tried to hide his excitement as he rushed towards the door, tightening the gown around his waist before he opened the door expecting to see Harry’s face hidden by some roses and chocolates. He did see a tall man, not recognising him immediately as the balloons were constricting his face for a second.
“Oh, hi, Luke,” Louis said when the man pulled the balloons away from his face.
“Happy birthday!” He replied, leaning down to hug the shorter boy. “Sorry, all the florists in town were closed. Did you know the post office sold balloons?”
Louis giggled, moving back to allow Luke inside, “No, I didn’t. Thank you, I like them,” he said, accepting the pink foil heart and adorable snowman. “Coffee?” He offered as they walked into the living room. Luke took off his coat and untied the thick scarf around his neck. Louis thought he looked very handsome and something out of an American romantic comedy.
“Yes please,” the man replied, sitting down at the kitchen table. “Saw Emma at my house, and that reminded me to come say hi to the birthday boy.”
“Yeah, her and the girls are doing some secret santa stuff. Her social life is more exciting than mine at this point,” Louis rolled his eyes affectionately, setting Luke’s coffee down in front of him. He leaned against the counter himself, cradling his third cup of peppermint tea of the day.
They chatted about their other schoolmates and where they’d ended up, Luke’s job that started in the new year and Louis’ plans on displaying more of his stuff in some art galleries in London and their hometown, until Robert interrupted them.
“Oh, hello, Luke.”
“Hi, Mr. Tomlinson,” the younger man got up to shake Louis’ father’s hand.
“Louis, can you get the door for me, please?” Rob turned towards his son, getting a confused nod as Louis followed his father’s request, “Sit, lad. Now, where have you been?” Louis heard his father return to Luke in the kitchen as he walked to the front door.
He thought maybe it was Emma but he remembered at some point during his conversation with Luke she had returned and given them a tupperware of cookies to have with their second cups of tea. So he wondered who was visiting his parents at eight pm on Christmas Eve.
The last person he was expecting was waiting for him on the other side of the door.
“Harry? What the hell?” Louis gasped, surprised at the man standing in front of him, bundled up in his jacket, his scarf pulled up to his nose. Louis pulled him inside by his arm, shutting the door behind him loudly. “What are you doing here?”
“Happy birthday, baby,” Harry grinned, slowly taking off his many layers of clothing, “Wasn’t not gonna see you today.”
“What? Are you staying?” Louis asked hopefully. “Thank you,” the boy breathed out when Harry placed a small bouquet of peonies wrapped in brown paper in his hands.
“Only if you want to. I can drive back to mum’s otherwise, it won't be a hassle,” Harry shrugged, “Took thirty minutes tops on the motorway.”
Louis blinked, unsure of whether to invite the man to stay for tomorrow or to expect him to drive back in the snow. That was when he heard Luke’s voice get louder as he walked out into the hallway.
“I’ll let her know, Mrs.Tomlinson, good night!” He called out, shaking his head with a laugh, presumably at something Emma had said to him before he took his leave. He was about to grab his coat when he saw Louis and Harry.
Louis looked up between the two men, both holding onto nearly identical black coats and thick, white scarves.
“Are you leaving?” Louis asked, breaking the awkward silence in the space.
“Yeah, was just about to,” Luke nodded, “Hi, Harry. Didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Luke,” Harry nodded, both men sharing a reserved, strong handshake. Louis chewed onto his lip. “Of course I’m here, it’s Louis’ birthday, and the holidays,” Harry said, raising a brow that made him look much more intimidating than he already did at six feet tall, missing Luke by just a few inches, Louis noticed.
“Didn’t know you two were back together,” Luke quipped, looking down at Louis expectantly.
The boy shrugged, “We aren’t.”
Harry glared at him which made Louis further annoyed, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared back at the man. “He’s just here to wish me ‘happy birthday.’”
Luke gave Harry one last amused look before nodding, “Oh, well, I better get going.”
“Yeah you should.” Harry said under his breath, but in the small room both the other people could hear him clearly. Louis rolled his eyes.
“Merry Christmas, Lou,” Luke said, wrapping Louis in a hug and taking him by surprise when he kissed the boy’s cheek, “Was nice seeing you, mate,” he lastly said to Harry,
The man hummed, “Yeah. Same here, mate.”
Once he was gone, Louis turned to Harry.
“What was that, mate ?” The boy scoffed.
“What?” Harry asked dumbly, walking further into the house. “He seems like more of an asshole than I remember.”
“Watch it, he’s my friend.”
“He’s your ex-boyfriend.”
“So are you!” Louis snapped. Harry sighed, not looking very apologetic.
“Sorry, baby. Saw his Instagram story of you two shopping. Didn’t know that was something you did.”
“What? I can’t go shopping without your supervision now?” Louis scowled, faltering when he felt Harry’s big hands on his hips moving him out of the way.
“With your very handsome, canadian ex? Absolutely not,” the man scoffed in disbelief.
“So you think he’s handsome?” Louis smirked at Harry, who was picking at the leftover biscuits.
“He’s your type, sweetheart. We’re pretty much fraternal twins,” he groaned. Louis blushed, Harry wasn’t completely wrong.
In the end, Harry didn’t stay the night. Louis didn’t think he would have been able to go through the entire night without finding himself on Harry at some point, so he told the man he should go home, allowing him a quick kiss at the front door as a parting gift. It was the first time they had kissed or been that close since October and Louis felt warm all over even though he was standing in two feet of snow, wearing just his pajama bottoms and Harry’s old hoodie.
Even after their mouths had moved away, Louis’ hands were still holding the man’s face, nimble fingers scratching at his scruffy jaw, Harry’s arms looped around the short boy’s waist, resting a respectable distance above his bum.
“I love you, baby,” Harry whispered against Louis’ forehead, pressing gentle kisses to the boy’s fringe.
Louis hummed, fighting the urge to lift one of his legs in the air as he pressed their mouths together again.
Harry missed kissing Louis every waking moment, but it didn’t hit him just how much he craved the boy until he was licking into his mouth. He tasted like sweet sugar cookies. He wanted to lift the boy up, wrap his delectable thighs around his waist, carry him to his car and fuck him in the backseat.
He lost his train of thought very quickly when he heard what Louis said next,
“Love you too,” the boy gasped, fingers digging into the back of Harry’s head when the man kissed him hard, as a thank you for his forgiveness. “Go now, please. Before I can’t let you leave anymore,” Louis whined, pushing Harry away.
The man groaned, his jeans getting tighter by the second, “You’re cruel, baby.”
“Drive safe,” Louis giggled, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
“I’ll try not to think about your sweet mouth, sweetheart,” Harry sighed, “Get inside before you get cold.”
Louis smiled, obediently hurrying back inside the house, leaning against the open door as he refused to close it behind him until he saw Harry pull out of their driveway.
Two weeks into January, Louis was itching to be back in the city and his studio. He felt homesick even though he was in the town he grew up in, but he missed his house and his plants and his own space, which he unfortunately didn’t get much of, being shadowed by his parents every second of the day. He loved them, and he knew they had enjoyed having their son over for the past few months but all three of them were definitely missing their old schedules, living out of each other's pockets like Louis was still a teenager was not very sustainable.
He felt like a burden anyway, even though he paid for all their groceries and took advantage of Harry’s readiness to please Louis as he seeked the boy’s forgiveness, making Harry fix all the little things around his parents house that needed a look but his father had put them off for months. And if Louis secretly found the idea of Harry as a handyman working in his kitchen sexy, then he didn’t let the man hear a word of it.
When Harry came to see him the next Sunday, Louis told him he wanted to try again.
“Lou, baby, oh my god. You’re fucking serious?” Harry exclaimed, wrapping his arms around Louis’ waist, “Oh, sweetheart. Thank you. I love you so fucking much.” He kissed the boy roughly in his excitement.
Louis giggled into the kiss, pulling away from the man with an eye roll, “I miss my studio and my kitchen babies, not you.”
“You don’t miss me,” Harry clarified, stupid grin on his face, ''noted, sweetheart.”
“And we’re going to take it slow, build that trust back up again. We’ve made some progress but you know, I’m still a little insecure going into this.” Louis said softly, playing with his hair absentmindedly. He looked like a real life angel to Harry.
“Fuck, baby. I’m gonna do everything you want,” Harry nodded vigorously, “You’re the boss.”
Louis made a face, “Do not call me that. I’m not your mate.”
“No, no, you’re my baby. You’re the fucking princess,” Harry corrected, laughing boisterously as he held Louis’ face in his hands, kissing him again.
“Stop interrupting me with your mouth,” Louis snapped, “I’m going to need you to do better, Harry.” He started, watching the man’s expression turn serious and sincere, “And we need to take this step by step. If you’re going to do this with Evelyn on the side, then I’m going to be there with you for all of it, alright?”
Harry shook his head in pure disbelief, his green eyes sparkling with gratitude, “You're unbelievable, sweetheart.” He sat back on his chair, letting Louis climb his lap, “Really, I’m so grateful, baby. I need your support with her, she’s my soulmate but you’re my fucking life line baby.”
The boy rolled his eyes fondly at Harry’s dramatics, wrapping his small hands around the man’s wide neck, “I love you,” Louis hummed, finally kissing his boyfriend back.
“I hope you know what you’re doing,” Emma sighed, kissing Louis’ shoulder when she passed by his chair.
“I know I’m ready for this, mum. I need it. Can’t live at my folk’s house forever at my age,” Louis giggled, trying to lift his mother’s spirits.
She frowned, “You are our baby, you can always live here for as long as you want to.”
“I know, I know. But my home’s with Harry, mum. I need to just grow up and go back. I’ve been ready for a while to be honest, but I wasn't ready to leave you and dad so soon. It felt nice being coddled for a bit there.”
Emma cooed, wrapping the boy in a warm, motherly hug. “I’m not going to discourage you because I trust you’ve made the right decision, Lou. But you might have forgiven the man, I haven’t,” she said, expression souring as she spoke of Harry.
Louis chuckled, “Take your time, mum. He’s alright, he’s spent all winter wallowing at our front door.”
“And you’ve spent it all doing the same in your bedroom,” the woman exclaimed, “He should be moving mountains for you, my precious boy.”
Louis smiled at his mother’s protective words, and at her pissed off huff when she heard the honk of Harry’s car outside, followed by their doorbell.
“I’m not making him tea,” Emma snapped, storming off to the living room to join her husband. Louis sighed, pushing himself off the kitchen table to go let Harry in.
The man came with a tray of Costa beverages, an orange beanie on his head that Louis’ eyes immediately went to. The outfit reminded the boy of Harry when they had just met, years ago.
“Got something for Emma and Robert, hoping it’ll warm them up towards me,” Harry snickered, buzzing about his own pun.
“Good luck with that, mum is hiding out there,” Louis nodded to the living room, where the low hum of his parent’s talking over the news broadcast came from.
Harry took off his coat and shoes, placing the drinks on the kitchen table. “You’re all packed?”
“I barely brought anything with me,” Louis rolled his eyes, “It’s upstairs. You’re getting it.”
“Yes, ma'am,” Harry teased, saluting Louis with a grin on his face. The boy groaned, grabbing the cinnamon latte he knew was for him. “Thank you, Lou.” Harry said after a moment’s silence, his voice genuine.
“I’m not doing this for you,” Louis snapped, crossing his arms over his chest. He stared at the tall man in front of him, big hands stuffed into his pockets, a hole in his left sock where his pinkie toe peeked out from.
Harry smiled fondly, “Regardless, baby. I’m the luckiest man on earth, I know that. I’ve been miserable without you.”
“Yeah, well. I’ve not been much better,” Louis shrugged, “I just want to go back home.”
Harry could feel his heart growing to twice its size when Louis mentioned home, “Then let’s get you home, baby.”
Louis settled back into the house as if he’d never left. Everything was just as it was months ago and Louis wondered if Harry and Evelyn had even lived there at any point during the time he was away.
He thanked the man with a sweet kiss when he saw his plants still seemed mostly alive and healthy. Benny, their corn plant had joined their little family besides the TV in the living room.
The couple dove straight back into their usual routine and Louis had even invited Evelyn for dinner the first week he was back.
She had hugged Louis tightly, rubbing his back in her firm, gentle manner. Louis felt like it was a sign to leave his distrust and dislike for the woman in the past where it belonged. If Harry was going to do this differently, Louis was going to support him every step of the way, and befriending Evelyn was the first one.
The first weekend since Louis moved back, the couple got into bed with intentions that didn’t include sleeping on their respective sides, looking forward to an early morning the next day. The two had been exhausted throughout the week but had spent all of Saturday painting in Louis’ studio and eating Pad Thai, including many spicy kisses that made Louis giggle, half out of sickening the taste was and half out of the silliness of the situation as Harry manhandled the boy, big, paint covered handprints all over Louis’ boiler suit.
It was the first night Harry had found himself between his boy’s thighs after months, and he was being extra thorough, leaving Louis a trembling mess on the bed. He hadn't even fucked the boy yet and their sheets were already dirty.
“Getting so wet, baby,” Harry murmured, running three fingers between Louis’ asscheeks when he was done making the boy orgasm for the first time that night. He licked his hand obscenely, making Louis moan and reach for his wrist, wrapping his own lips around Harry’s fingers. “So sweet, angel. Just getting started, gonna make you feel so good,” the man groaned, squeezing Louis’ hips.
“Will you tell me I’m yours, please?” Louis whispered between soft moans, hands clutching at the sheets, a desperate attempt to ground himself as Harry’s thrusts pushed him up the bed.
“Baby,” the man grunted, leaning down to bite Louis’ lip, inciting a whine from the boy when he tugged at the pink skin. “You’re all mine. Always have been, angel.”
“Haven’t felt like it,” Louis sniffled, throwing his head back at a sudden jerk of Harry’s hips. He could feel the stretch of the tendons in his neck, Harry’s big, supple hands tenderly squeezing the flesh around his hips, surely leaving fingerprints in their wake. “Want to feel it, Harry. Please,” the boy begged with a sob.
“Gonna make you feel it, baby. Gonna show you you’re mine,” Harry promised, his words heavy with intent. He followed with deep, long strokes of his cock that pulled the sweetest moans from the boy under him.
Louis came again with loud cries falling from his swollen lips, toes curling with his heels pressing into Harry’s lower back. His small thighs and cock twitched along with his little body shaking from his orgasm, cheeks pink and wet. Harry kept his mouth pressed against the boy’s throughout, licking his lips and humming at the metallic taste from where he had bit him too hard.
Louis was always beautiful to Harry. In his studio with clay on his forehead, clumped in his hair and swiped onto his cheeks. In the passenger seat with his feet crossed on the dashboard, wistfully watching as the city passed by, or in the kitchen with the midday sun filtering through the screen doors, allowing the boy to soak up the sunshine like a cat preparing to take a nap, lazily pulling ingredients out and sipping his favourite summer berry squash, lips rosy from the drink.
But nothing compared to Louis in bed, splayed across rumpled white sheets, cries of Harry’s name falling from the boy’s mouth, silky hair on the pillow forming a halo around his head, making it hard to believe that he was anything short of a real life angel. Soft skin under Harry’s tongue, milky white thighs in the man’s hands, narrow, bony shoulders pushing against the pillow. Little pink buds for nipples, his chest was always smooth and he giggled when Harry would bite the delicate skin around his belly button and right under his arm, a sweet scent wafting off every inch of him. Harry couldn’t stop himself from suckling the spot under Louis’ neck, where his scent was strongest.
“I love you,” he kissed the fragile bones on Louis’ chest, “You’re my baby, baby.” A kiss on each of his shoulders, a kiss on his chin, a kiss on his mouth. The boy held onto Harry’s bottom lip, holding the man in place.
“And you’re mine?” He asked, voice small and unsure. He kissed Harry’s lip where it stung from being held onto by Louis’ sharp little front teeth.
Harry smiled softly, rubbing the tip of his nose against Louis’ cold, pink one. “Always yours.”
fin