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Tommy had finally been able to visit, after Ranboo , Toby, Phil, even George (that still confused him, he didn’t think the guy even left his house) had all flew to America.
It wasn’t like he didn’t see Will all the time, but it was usually in huge groups and for a vlog, but with half of their friend group leaving to another continent the two had decided to just chill in Brighton for a couple days, without the cameras.
He’d never been so excited, like it wasn’t even a huge deal, but Tommy had been buzzing for the entire drive, a smile firmly in place.
They were here now, and his dad had already driven off- something about being late to his brothers- but he didn’t really mind.
Tommy goes to knock on Wilbur’s door, but it’s opened before he gets the chance to, so he can’t help but throw himself into the older mans arms.
“Hey!”
“Hey Tom.” Wilbur smiles at him, obviously just as happy as he is.
They stand there for a couple seconds, until Wilbur steps aside and tells Tommy to come in.
“So, what’s the plan then?” He asks, looking over to Wilbur.
He shrugs, “whatever you want to do.”
“So.. strip club then?”
Wilbur looks dead at him for a second, almost like he thinks he’s being serious, before practically falling down in laughter, “Fuck- fuck off Tommy.”
“I’ll take that as a no.” He mutters.
“We are not going to a strip club.”
“But Will- how ever will I cope without going? You’d be like the coolest best friend ever.”
Wilbur laughs again, and Tommy can’t help but notice that his laughs beautiful.
Wait- no, shut the fuck up, he curses himself.
Tommy had totally not been developing a somewhat overwhelming crush for the over, and definitely not been psyching himself up to be in such a close vicinity to him.
“I was thinking of us going on a walk, what do you think?”
The few times they’d had enough time to just walk in Brighton, Tommy had loved it. The place was beautiful, and surprisingly different from Nottingham- plus it was peaceful, to just walk with his friends.
To walk with Wilbur, mostly.
“Sure, that’s alright with me- as long as we can watch a movie later.”
“Duh, what are we watching?”
Tommy ponders the question for a moment, before answering, “Disney?”
“Sure, how about Moana?” (The coolest princess movie, in Tommys opinion.)
“Sounds good to me, are we going on that walk now?” It’s cold out, he can’t help but notice, but he’s sure he can get over that if he’s with Will.
“Yeah if you want, it’s cold though, you can borrow a hoodie if you’d like.” He gestures towards his room, and Tommy can feel his heartbeat quicken.
Don’t smile. Don’t smile. Don’t smile.
“Oh, thanks Will.” So he makes his way to Wilbur’s room, totally not smiling.
“I’m just gonna get my coat, okay?” He hears Wilbur shout from the dining room.
“Okay!”
Tommy glances around Wilburs room quickly, spotting a plain black hoodie and putting it on, smiling softly.
That is until he notices the paper- with his name on.
That has to be grounds for reading it, right? Tommy inches closer, looking at the paper.
He had to read it, Tommy would apologise later, for disregarding Wilbur’s privacy, but he had to read the- what was it, exactly?
Tommy,
your eyes were kind
that’s the first thing i noticed
your voice was warm
that was the second
love came later
i knew you were funny
as i laughed at your jokes
knew you were special
as i smiled at your voice
stared in amazement
I realised then you were pretty
and later that i wasn’t
wasn’t a lot of things
enough for you
worthy of you
capable of being without you
I knew I loved you early on
knew i was in love with you much later
the world wouldn’t accept it
that reality came crashing down
love turned to pain
admiration turned to guilt
i knew i loved you
but i couldn’t accept it
couldn’t accept the way you made me feel
wouldn’t accept how much i cared for you
so of course, in my typical masochist ways
i threw it all away
stopped answering your calls
started pushing you further
I wondered how much it hurt you
wondered if you’d notice
you did of course
i found that out through shouting
what did i expect?
that was why i loved you
i can never tell you
why i left
why i came back
i know i’m selfish
and that’s why you’ll never see this
i know i’m sick
but i can’t not be with you
i hope you unfriend me
i don’t deserve your friendship
your humour
your support
your endless kindness
you deserve the world
and i wish i could have given you that
maybe in a different life
we could have had something more
away from the spotlight
just you and me
i’ll settle for being a role model
although it kills me a little more each day
i’ll settle for being your friend
because that’s all we could ever be
Oh shit.
This was, not good. This was so not good.
Or was it? No. He completely broke his best friends trust and now had to deal with the fact that his crush liked him back- and that he could never tell him that he knew.
Tommy stays still, not exactly knowing how to process what the fuck he just read.
“Tom what are you-“ Wilbur cuts off, staring at the paper in his hands, and looking as white as a ghost.
They stare at each other in silence for a second, neither daring to utter a word.
And then, “Tommy I am so, so sorry” Wilburs voice is barely audible, but Tommy can tell he wants to scream the words.
“It’s- it’s fine Will.”
Wilbur stares at him again, looking close to death, before actually screaming this time, “It’s not- it’s not okay.” His tears are clear, and it’s painful to see. “You should- I don’t know- you should ring the police, or something, i’m a fucking monster.”
Tommy doesn’t think he’s a monster, he just wants to hug him and never let go.
He wants to fix this, wants to get rid of that sad expression and never see it again.
Wilbur is still completely still, so Tommy walks towards him, and (being the most scared he’s ever been) he leans upwards and kisses him.
Well- it was best to be direct, wasn’t it? He was pretty sure it was Will who told him that.
The brunette melts into it for a second, before pulling away and looking into Tommy’s eyes,
“You’re certain? You can run away now, I won’t stop you.”
He feels as if he doesn’t trust his voice right now, so Tommy just softly shakes his head, continuing to look up at Will.
“Speak. Please.” His voice is almost desperate.
“I don’t wanna run away. I-” deep breathe, Tommy looks down, he feels as if he’s going to die, “I love you Wil.”
“I love you too.” The words are whispered, and Tommy can practically hear the held back relief- the perks of knowing someone so well, he guesses.
They look at each other again, and smile.
Wilbur let’s out a soft laugh, he’s beautiful when he smiles, “this isn’t gonna go well, you know?”
Tommy shrugs, “do you care?”
“No.” Good, he can’t help but feel thankful, “Do you?”
“No.”
It’s silent again, but a little less awkward as Wilbur goes to wrap his hand around the back of Tommy’s neck, “May I?”
He can only nod.
Then they’re kissing, for real this time, and it should be awful, the tears, the awkwardness, but as cliche as it sounds, kissing Wilbur feels like home.
They pull apart, both softly smiling.
“So,” Tommy can’t help but break the peaceful silence, “you think i’m funny?”
It takes Wilbur a second, but then Tommy’s being shoved directly in the chest, and Wilbur’s laughing, “shut the-“ another laugh (it warms Tommy’s heart) “fuck up.”
“Never.” He grins at the older, “you think i’m funny.”
“I do not! Tommyinnit you are the most unfunny person I have-“
Tommy covers his ears, still smiling like an idiot, “blah blah blah, I cant hear you!”
They bicker like that for a while, until they’re laughing on the sofa, much closer then they usually are, and end up cuddled up, still jokingly insulting each other.
“You’re a dickhead.” The words are mumbled at him, as Wilbur’s smile is mirroring his own, only a couple inches away.
“I’m your dickhead though.”
“Yeah, you’re my dickhead.”