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Ainosuke’s use of clothes to express himself arose while they were still at school. The hoodie he wore in disobedience of his auntie's wishes was the first sign of a caged songbird longing to spread its wings and fly.
Of course if you don't want a bird to fly, you stunt its growth, or clip its wings.
America was that stunted growth. Years spent away from those who saw Ainosuke, who let him be who he truly was. And on the surface, it worked. The Ainosuke that returned was obedient. Tame. Able to learn how to perform for his aunties, to enact their vision for his family name. The problem with stunted growth, however, is that you can't control how it happens. Ainosuke's aunts sent away a baby bird and the thing they received back was vicious and cruel. Not in front of them. Never in front of them. Because the bird learnt how to play the game. How to walk the line. How not to bite those it thought could harm it. Those who couldn’t harm it though…
Ainosuke vented his frustrations at ‘S.’ The former friends foolish enough to try and distract him didn’t realise that to do so, they had to fly close. It never ended well for them. Ainosuke preferred actions to words; when skating, he sang a chorus that spoke of caring as suffering and beauty as the tortured twist of faces in agony until his love inflicted pain and showered the ground in blood and splinters of wood.
Tadashi understood. He’d been listening to Ainosuke’s songs intently since the start, knew every tune, including the prettiest notes only Tadashi could decipher.
Then along came a boy from lands of snow with big ideas. “Eve” dared get close enough to try and fly past the bird. He fared better than most. Tadashi knew the bird was happy because it preened and pranced, carefully selecting the perfect colourful suit to conduct its mating dance while singing of eden. Happiness. A freedom it sought with the wind in its hair rather than under its wings.
At least at ‘S’, the songbird could still spread its broken wings, even if it never flew. The damage was done. Tadashi had done it himself, all those years ago, helping the family clip the young master’s wings. He believed it was for the best at the time. He knew better now, making up for it in the night by indulging Ainosuke’s whims, even though Tadashi knew his obedience wasn’t enough. Nothing could ever be enough, would ever be enough until someone unlocked the cage and set the bird free.
Ainosuke’s former friends turned their back on him, unwilling to help. "Eve" had no care for the cage, nor the bird trapped within—he sought the thrill of skating, and would leave the young master behind if he found it.
The snake was the only one who cared. Became everything the bird needed. Carefully laid out outfits for the bird to pick from, tended the wounds of those Ainosuke hurt so he avoided detection, and silently eliminated threats to him without venom. Their relationship was a mockery of their natural roles as predator and prey. Snakes ate birds; they didn’t serve them. But during the day Tadashi maintained his duty. He held out the suit jacket for Ainosuke to force his battered wings into. Brilliant reds and golds morphed into a muted pink tie and blue suit that broadened his shoulders but did nothing to taper Ainosuke’s trim waist even as Tadashi fastened the buttons on the tailored garment.
It wasn’t his place to look anywhere but down. Tadashi lost the right to look at him like an equal when he cast the key to Ainosuke’s cage into the fire all those years ago. This was his fault. He constricted the poor bird, squeezing the life out of Ainosuke until these muted colours were all that were left.
His hands lingered on the last button of the suit, threading it through the final lock. Ainosuke had a natural gravity that pulled Tadashi in closer, closer, closer. Staring a little off to the right, he could feel Ainosuke’s breath on his neck. Like the air anticipates the storm, hanging hot, heavy and humid as it waits for the clouds to break, so too did Tadashi anticipate the bird’s harsh tone when it spoke.
“Finished, puppy?” That name again. To the bird, the snake was nothing more than a small, obedient dog. Every “puppy” was laden with a disdain Tadashi deserved. Penance for his role in keeping Ainosuke on the ground when he longed to soar. Tadashi truly felt the young master would be safer this way. Instead, he had made the bird into something others needed to be safe from. Youthful naïveté convinced him he knew best.
Ainosuke scoffed, stepping back. Tadashi held him tight. Between their close proximity and the tense atmosphere in the room waiting to break, there was an intimacy to the scene he didn’t want to end. When Tadashi dressed Ainosuke, groomed him, and tended to his needs, he was allowed glimpses of a past long gone. Boys flying in graceful arcs upside down over a swimming pool. Scraped knees cleaned and kissed better. Smiles reserved for each other only: part pride, part happiness, and part something a little bit deeper.
Until the smiles turned to sneers of gleaming canines, threatening a love Tadashi craved in a manner he didn’t.
Except he caused this. He helped the aunties twist the meaning of something innocent and pure until neither he nor Ainosuke believed they deserved gentleness. The look Ainosuke gave him filled Tadashi with an emptiness when directed at others, but at him—
Heat pricked under his skin. The air became cloyingly thick. Saliva pooled under his tongue, desperate for just a taste of forbidden fruit.
Hmm. He understood the bird’s obsession with “Eve” now. Anything for the chance to feel alive. For the bird to feel the wind through his hair, under his wings. For Tadashi to sup at that which he had prevented himself tasting due to his station and his actions. He wasn’t everything Ainosuke needed, not yet. But he could be, if only Ainosuke would only let him. If only he would let himself.
A dark, powerful voice interrupted his thoughts and ran a shiver down Tadashi’s spine. When Adam spoke at ‘S’, Snake ignored the pageantry and the way it held everyone in place. Here, without the backdrop of an audience, Adam captivated him. “Let go, puppy. I have places to be and no patience for your disobedience.”
Tadashi obeyed, hands dropping to his side. They ached to cradle Ainosuke’s face, or wrap around his waist—his impossibly small waist—and squeeze, to hold them close together and share the briefest moment of companionship, free of everything. A moment that would stretch an eternity the same way it did when they were children and Ainosuke would look up at Tadashi with those big, red eyes full of hope and wonder.
Adam tutted. “Silly pup. You’re all bark and no bite. Snake? No. You’re a mouse, a timid little thing that cowers in my shadow, scared of acting out. D’aww,” Adam said, derision leaching from every syllable. Nails dug into Tadashi’s cheeks as Adam pinched far too hard. Pain rooted him to the spot, stirring his growing arousal. Tadashi ignored the way it arrested the breath in his chest and focused instead on how Adam was close enough that if he tilted his head just right, their lips would brush.
He could fix it. He could take all the bird’s pain and channel it into something beautiful. He could set the bird free. But it wasn’t his place.
Longing filled his burning chest when Adam released his cheeks. Breathe. Tadashi’s laboured breaths were the only sound in the room, gasping for air and Ainosuke after being denied so long. He needs his hands again, however they are given—gentle touches or vicious pinches. He needs his love.
Tadashi dared to look up. Anger filled Adam’s eyes, red and gleaming and prettier than he remembered, with long lashes resting delicately on Adam’s cheeks. Not that anything about Adam was delicate. But the drab suit rid him of his usual grandiose.
That wouldn’t do.
Stalking forward, Tadashi forced Adam back until he was against the wall and unusually silent. Tadashi could feel the anticipation rolling off him in waves. He was waiting. Would Tadashi be a good boy or a bad dog? What would make him good or bad?
If this were for Tadashi, they would embrace in the middle of the room. Their lips would meet and the tension in the room would break, each swipe of Ainosuke’s tongue like lightning striking heat into his core. Every press of their mouths would get harder, more insistent, earning Tadashi a breathy moan from Ainosuke as the kiss deepened and their bodies entwined, melding them together.
But this was for Ainosuke. For Adam.
Tadashi gripped his hips tight enough to bruise, digging his own nails in through the thick fabric of his trousers. He could picture the red crescents against pale skin. Yes. He could redden Adam’s skin until it was dark enough to resemble his ‘S’ outfit. Desperation fuelled him now, fingers scrabbling to pull the shirt out so he could get his hands on Adam’s back.
The first scratches didn’t do it. He could hear the annoyance in Adam’s voice. Forcing a leg between his confirmed Tadashi’s suspicions: Adam was soft. He tried again, hard enough to feel like his nails were bending backwards. Adam melted into him, the sudden weight taking Tadashi aback. He adjusted to brace him against the wall, one hand pinning his hip and dragged his nails over the same spot, fingertips coming away wet. A deep, drawn out moan released from Adam’s chest.
On the third pass, Adam’s head fell back, exposing the white column of his neck. Tadashi knew what was being demanded of him. His lips were on it in a second, biting and sucking the skin hard into his mouth. Coppery saltiness filled his mouth and still he sucked, unsatisfied with his progress. Adam’s skin was still too pale, lacking the brilliant colours he wore when spreading his magnificent wings for just a taste of freedom. Tadashi nipped, and bit, and sucked, and ground against the bird until a flush rose in his cheeks and his skin was mottled red, purple and blue.
A poor imitation of his ‘S’ outfit, but the best Tadashi could do in the circumstances.
Beneath him, Adam writhed. A sinful symphony unbecoming of such a pretty bird spilled from his lips. Tadashi fed on it, vindicated as he felt Adam stiffen between him. Adjusting his hips so their clothed cocks brushed together, Tadashi rutted against Adam hard and fast.
“Good boy,” Adam panted, desperate in his ear. Tadashi whined and sped up his hips. Like this, he could pretend for a second that it was Ainosuke beneath him, that it was gentle caresses and murmured affections that were building the heat in his gut, sending him hurtling towards the edge.
“Come for me, puppy,” was all it took. Tadashi sank his teeth into the thick flesh of Adam’s shoulders to muffle the whimpers as he came in his trousers, shuddering through the waves of release. He felt dizzy, half drunk from desire. Adam said something with enough kindness Tadashi believed it could be the Ainosuke he knew from long ago.
Tadashi’s vision returned into focus and he looked again at the man he was slumped against. His red eyes were half lidded, clouded with desire, and full of adoration.
“Mr. Ainosuke?” he whispered into the space between them.
Ainosuke inclined his head in a nod, capturing Tadashi’s lips with more gentleness than he thought the man capable of. It was more intense than he imagined—tongues tangling their lives together as if they hadn’t been linked since the first time Tadashi taught Ainosuke how to skate. He felt a similar rush in his veins now; the thrill of success laced with belonging.
“Finish the job.” The hand on Tadashi’s shoulder pushed him onto his knees and he went willingly. Eager hands quickly released Ainosuke’s cock from his trousers and swallowed him down, lips halfway down his shaft before he thought to look up at Ainosuke.
Hands found their place in his hair and pulled harder than he’d like, but the soft eyes lessened the pain. Tadashi understood Ainosuke. This was how Ainosuke showed he cared. Within him, everything fell into place.
Since the day Tadashi willingly threw out the key, he knew his atonement was never to help the bird fly, but to find a way to make him stay, them both stay, and dress the cage tolerable.