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Jean shifts on the bunk very carefully, pulling the sheet above him over his left ear as if that would conceal the noise. He couldn’t fathom how nobody else was awoken by the obnoxious sniffles coming from one of the other bunks.
Or maybe everyone else did, and just chose to ignore it, which Jean was so tempted to do. Sure, it would be really uncomfortable trying to fall asleep to the sounds of gasps and sniffles that were so obviously trying to be concealed, but he thinks he can manage it.
Just as he closes his eyes again, an ugly, choked cry sounds out making them immediately snap open. He blinks, and realizes why the cries sound so close.
Jean sighs and contemplates if getting out of bed in the middle of the night to stop Eren fucking Jaeger - of all people - from crying like a mess.
Another awful sob tells him that yes, if he wants to get some sleep tonight, he’ll have to deal with trying to shut the bastard up. With a slow breath, he slides out of his bed and strides over a few steps to Eren’s bunk.
And to his surprise - the crying culprit is sleeping, glistening tears painting his face in the moonlit room. His face looked so strained, teeth grinded harshly together and eyebrows furrowed so tightly it looked like an exaggerated painting.
Jean stares at the sight before him for a second, a bit bewildered how literally nobody else was awoken by Eren’s occasional thrashing and shakes his head, pressing a firm hand against the brunet’s shoulder.
“Hey Eren, stop.” he stupidly whispers, as if that would wake him up even if he screamed it. He shook the shoulder lightly, hoping for something. “Hey Eren, stop.”
Eren stirs a little, neck visibly strained as he tilted his head to the side. Jean lightly shook his shoulder once more, seconds away from straight up smacking the sleeping boy. He lets out an exasperated breath, deciding against what would only cause another fight and taps on Eren’s cheek, the skin soft and damp.
Almost instantly after his fingers made contact with Eren’s face, Eren sat up animatedly, bright eyes comically wide and scared like he’d just witnessed something he shouldn’t have. Jean pulled his hand away as if he’d been burned, quietly cursing in surprise.
“Jean?” Eren blinks once, twice, three times. “What the hell are you-“ he cuts himself off, bringing a palm to his own cheek and looking absolutely mortified when he feels his own tears.
“What happened?” he asks, and Jean wants to laugh because why shouldn’t he get to make fun of the douchebag who always claims to be so much braver than Jean, now crying all over himself? Instead he just sits down next to Eren, who stares at the taller with wide, crestfallen eyes.
“I don’t know, you were the one crying in your sleep,” and okay, it comes out a lot meaner than Jean intended to, but to be fair he’s really tired and he and Eren aren’t exactly buddy-buddy. “I didn’t mean - I just... you were crying so I wanted to check on you.”
Eren furrows his brows, finally dropping the hand on his face. He feels his chest tighten and his lips quiver and this is definitely more humiliating than that time when he basically begged Jean and Connie to help him with his 3D gear. “I...oh.”
There’s an awkward silence and Jean looks away. He regrets sitting down, let alone coming to check on Eren in the first place. There’s no graceful way out of this situation, so he bluntly asks, “...So, are you okay? I mean I’m kind of tired so if-“
He can’t even get the sentence out before he’s startled by the sob that wrecks through Eren beside him, and he’s seen his fair share of exasperated crying from his comrades before, but this was different. It felt different.
“Hey, just calm down!” Unsure of how to react, Jean scoots closer and wraps an arm around Eren’s shaking shoulder, pulling Eren close to his side. It shouldn’t even be remotely comfortable, but Eren’s head seems to fit perfectly on Jean’s shoulder, and he thinks about that the last time their faces were this close they were having another useless argument. “Just...calm down. Everything is okay.”
Like magic, Eren’s breathing begins to calm, but not by much. Jean doesn’t bother to ask what Eren was crying about anymore - it’s pretty obvious that he was having a nightmare.
For a moment, there are no words, and Eren just leans against Jean, seeming content. He’s looking down at his hands, which are still slightly shaking. Jean considers grabbing one to steady it but pushes the thought away instantly, not wanting to cross anymore boundaries than he already has.
He’s once again shaken from his thoughts when the brunet lets out a shakey sigh. “I’m sorry,” Eren sniffled, forcing out an awkward laugh. “I must look so stupid right now.”
Jean averts his eyes, staring at the worn wooden floors beneath them as if they were the most interesting things in the world. He wanted to tell him that, no, he didn’t have to be sorry.
He wanted to tell him that, no, he didn’t look stupid.
“Yeah, you kind of do look like an idiot.” is what he settles for, but there’s no malice behind his voice and he looks back up towards Eren, who has tilted his head slightly to face him
Eren looks shell shocked for a minute, given the tears staining his face and the lines around his mouth and brows still present as if he were forcing back more tears. But then an actual full blown smile spreads across his face and he rolls his glossy eyes. “Jesus fuck, you’re such an asshole.” A quiet genuine laugh follows his words, nothing like the fake laugh he forced out seconds ago.
Jean can’t help but stare intently as Eren laughs. He was never good with saying what was on his mind but maybe being bad with words was better. Maybe not being able to say what he really wanted to was the way to go, because he’s not sure how either of the two would react if he told Eren that he had nothing to be sorry about.
“I know.” It’s silent for a moment after that, save for a few sniffles from the brunet. “Um... you should probably try to get some sleep. Y’know...if you can.”
Eren nods, lifting his head off of Jean’s shoulder slowly. He sniffles again, and Jean should be sick of the noise but he’s just relieved that it’s not the same broken sobs he tried to ignore minutes ago. “Yeah , I guess I should try.”
With that, Jean slowly slides his arm off of Eren, setting it next to his other hand which has just been sitting on his knee, dormant. Again, he wants to say something reassuring along the lines of ‘ Hey, I hope you feel better, and I’m just right over here if you need me’ but he doesn’t. “Okay. Well, uh, I hope it works. See you tomorrow, Jaeger.”
Jean stands up, eyes temporarily fixated on Eren before he tears his gaze away and begins walking. However, he’s suddenly pulled back by a firm hand gripping his forearm. “Wait-“ Eren says quietly, at least, as quietly as he could with the frantic tone in his voice.
Jean turns around, noting the look of urgency in Eren’s eyes before asking, “What? What happened?”
“Do you think you could-“ Eren starts, snapping his mouth shut before he can get the rest of the words out. He opens his mouth as if he were going to try again, then shuts it once more. “Actually, never mind.” He looks embarrassed, and if Jean didn’t know any better, he thinks he spots Eren’s face reddening in the dim light.
“Could I what?” he pries, taking a step closer so that his arm wouldn’t fall out of its socket with the force of which Eren was gripping it. “What, do you need something?”
Eren looks down, shaking his head. “No.” It takes a second, but his eyes dart up towards Jean’s face, and the hand that was grasping his arm slides down in a swift motion to hold his hand. “Just... thank you, Jean.”
Jean stares at their hands, and even in the few brief seconds of what he considers to be this overly intimate gesture, he’s able to observe a few things. He notices how Eren’s hands have finally stopped shaking, his nimble fingers now steady and sure. He notices that his own hand is slightly bigger than Eren’s, and how the tips of his fingers extend over Eren’s palm.
He notices that Eren’s hand is warm, warmer than they have the right to be, and that they’re a lot softer when they’re not throwing punches. While thinking of stupid fucking punches, he notices the small purple healed over bruises that decorate each of Eren’s knuckles from the last time they had an unnecessary fight. He most definitely notices when Eren’s thumb soothingly runs across his own bruised knuckles and he sighs.
He gives Eren’s hand a light squeeze, muttering a barely audible, “You’re welcome.” He pulls his hand away carefully, and he doesn’t miss the way Eren’s slender fingers linger for a second longer. “Goodnight, Eren,” he pauses for a moment, and before he turns on his foot, he decides fuck it.
“I, uh, I’m just right over here if you need me again,” he clears his throat. “I mean, not that you needed me now but-“
“I know what you mean.” Eren says, his voice airy and grateful as opposed to the polar opposite of delicate tone that Jean is used to. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
Jean doesn’t say anything else. He nods, returning Eren’s small smile before turning around and heading to his bunk. Part of him wants to turn around, wants to take one last glance at Eren to make sure he’s really okay before he goes back to sleep, but the thought of Eren still looking and more awkward eye contact is enough of a reason for him to ignore the urge and slide into his bed.
His hands feel a lot colder than before, or one specific hand does anyway, and he puts it under his pillow to make up for the loss of warmth that he hated himself for missing already.
With a sigh, he closes his eyes, trying to force his brain to forget about how different Eren looked up close in the moonlight; how his stupid wide eyes weren’t just green, but an alluring hue of turquoise that he’s pretty sure is the same color that people use to describe the seas outside of the walls; how the light somehow managed to land on his face in such a way that made his features look much softer than Jean had ever seen before.
Most importantly, he tried to force his brain to ignore the way his heart was still beating at a velocity that was completely unacceptable after letting go of Eren’s hand for several minutes now.
With his eyes closed, Jean sighs as he shifts slightly. I would’ve been better off ignoring him, he thinks. Because there’s no way I’m falling back asleep now.
He does in fact fall asleep, several minutes after that in fact, but if Eren was the first thing on his mind the second he woke up- well that was nobody’s business but his own.