Work Text:
“It's alright, baby. You're okay.“
Jungkook was still clawing at Seokjin's sides, heaving into his chest heavily. Seokjin could feel how hard he was shaking, could feel his chest wet from Jungkook's tears and saliva seeping through the cotton of his shirt.
“Pull away from my chest a tiny bit, you need to be able to breathe.“
Jungkook gasped as he tried resting his forehead against Seokjin's chest, rather than pressing his entire face into it. He felt the snot and spit on his face from crying and heaving, his skin slimey. He felt like he could throw up at any moment. His throat was dry from his ragged breathing, making him cough. Seokjin pet his back sympathetically.
“That's it, just like that. Now breathe in.“
He tried to gasp in a big breath, almost choking on the air going in.
“Good, now out.“
He breathed out again. It came out shakier than anything Seokjin had ever heard.
This happened so completely out of nowhere. He was fine just a few hours ago.
“Try again. In, and out. In, and out.“
They had gone to bed, happy and pleasantly sleepy, rather than tired and exhausted from overworking themselves. They had been trying to find a good balance, not working themselves into exhaustion, but not slacking off to the point where they would be left behind.
“In – hold it. Now out again. You're doing great.“
But of course, Jungkook was always the one to worry. Always the one who wanted to work harder, to achieve more, do it better, faster, more precise than anyone else.
This led to him waking up in the middle of the night, feeling the adrenaline rushing through his veins and panicking even more because he knew what was coming. He'd tried keeping quiet at first, keep his breathing even, keep himself from crying, but it was no use. He always cried when this happened. He didin't know if that was normal or not, but it was for him.
Seokjin eventually woke up, maybe from Jungkook's crying, maybe from his shaking, maybe from his sixth sense, beyond human ability to sense when Jungkook wasn't okay. Regardless of what woke him up, he had to pry Jungkook off from where he was curled into a ball, holding their blanket in a death grip, his face pressed into it and sobbing.
Jungkook gasped into the stuffy air, wanting to press his face back into Seokjin's chest. He could feel tears stinging at his eyes again, when he'd just gotten them to stop. He felt his lips all cold. And his hands, his hands were icey around the handfulls of Seokjin's jumper he was holding onto so desperately.
“No no no, keep breathing sweetheart. Just like you did before. Copy me – In, out. In, out.“
Jungkook let out a frustrated whine, almost hidden amongst his huffs, trying his hardest to copy Seokjin's even breathing. His was cut off, staccato, but he still tried his best. Seokjin's big hands were running over his body; one over his back in big circles, one gently through his hair, over his ears, his scalp.
“Can you scooch up a bit? So I can see you?“
Jungkook let out another whine at that.
“Oh baby, you don't have to. I just thought it would be helpful if you could see my face.“
Jungkook contemplated this for a moment, then placed his hands on Seokjin's shoulders and shuffled with his legs, so he slid upwards, now face to face with Seokjin. He could see his heartbroken expression when they locked eyes. Jungkook could tell he was scared, despite how calm he was trying to come across.
Jungkook could feel the snot running from his nose down his lips, still letting out these tiny gasping breaths, not able to take a normal amount of air in. He was still shaking like a leaf. He must have looked awful. He had barely ever seen Seokjin look this concerned. Jungkook felt a few more tears spilling from the corners of his eyes.
“Hey...“ Seokjin coaxed. “Come here.“
Jungkook slung his arms around Seokjin's torso, went back to hugging him. He could feel Seokjin's heartbeat where their chests were pressed together. Going faster than it should be, but nothing compared to Jungkook's hummingbird pulse. He could hear his own heartbeat through the blood rushing in his ears if he concentrated on it enough. He thought about what he might look like right now, because he felt like a rabbit that someone was pointing a rifle at, about to pull the trigger and shoot him dead. He must have looked a complete mess, because frankly, he felt like one.
He shifted so his face was pressed to the crook of Seokjin's neck, rubbing his wet face on Seokjin's shoulder to dry it on the way, breathing in his scent. A bit of vanilla, probably leftover from his shower earlier, something flowery, maybe from his perfume, and something musky, something unmistakably Seokjin, something calming and soothing and something that felt like coming home after a long, hard day.
He sighed against his skin.
“Is that better?“
Jungkook tried to hum in agreement. It sounded more like another whine. His nose and lips were cold against Seokjin's neck.
“I got you. Keep breathing.“
Again, Jungkook tried to copy Seokjin's demonstrations. In, out, in, out, in...
“Everything is fine. You'll be alright. Keep going.“
Jungkook still felt like he was going to vibrate out of his skin. He could barely feel his hands and part of his face. He felt the anxious energy slowly leave his body, finally. His muscles felt sore, while his mind just felt completely exhausted. He felt weak.
“Honey, how are you feeling?“
“Like I'm going to piss myself.“
Seokjin pushed Jungkook slightly away from himself. Jungkook made a questioning whimper until Seokjin brushed Jungkook's hair out of his face, then pressed their foreheads together, noses almost touching. He saw Jungkook's lip quivering.
“Please breathe, darling.“ Seokjin whispered.
Seokjin kept gently encouraging him, and Jungkook kept trying to inhale and exhale evenly, until his breathing had somewhat calmed down. Now he was just shaking and running a cold sweat. Seokjin would've thought he was coming down with the flu if he didn't know better.
“Do you think you can get up? It might help.“
Jungkook whined out loudly, not liking that idea one bit. He felt so drained, he just wanted to keep lying there and not do anything. “No.“ he disagreed.
Seokjin thought for a moment.
“Is there anything else I can do for you?“
“You're already doing plenty.“ Jungkook tried to think. It was hard to concentrate on any thoughts. His head felt empty and unnavigably cluttered at the same time. He was feeling a dull headache coming on, pounding behind his brow. “Can you sing for me?“ he finally asked.
Seokjin was surprised by this request, but happily obliged. He didn't think long about what song he chose while Jungkook settled back against his chest.
“24, it feels like I became a grown-up faster than anybody else. My life has been a movie all the time.“
Jungkook took in a slow inhale, trying to keep his breathing level, not slip into hyperventilation again.
“I ran to where the sun rises every single night. It's like I've been to someone's tomorrow.“
He held it-
“The boy who found the world too big, Keep on runnin’ errday, pick the mic up“
- And slowly let it out again.
“Friends ridin’ subway, I’ll be in the airplane mode. All over the world rock on, I made my own lotto.“
Seokjin's voice sounded uneaven, he didn't hit all the notes right. His vocals were shakey.
“But is it too fast? There're traces of losses. Don't know what to do with, am I livin' this right?“
But it felt soothing to Jungkook regardless.
“Why am I alone in a different time and space?“
So he just lay back and let Seokjin's voice wash over him.
Oh, I can't call ya, I can't hol' ya
Oh, I can't
And yes you know, yes you know
Oh, I can't call ya, I can't touch ya
Oh, I can't
Let me know
Can I someday finna find my time?
It went on. The second verse, then the chorus again, the bridge, and the chorus one last time. Then he switched to another song. And then another one. On the fourth one, Jungkook started to quietly hum along. They were swaying from side to side, cradling each other. Seokjin's hands running through Jungkook's hair soothingly, and Jungkook humming the tune against his neck. Jungkook felt very tired when Seokjin was done with the fifth.
“That was nice.“ Jungkook's voice was all hoarse.
“Yeah? You feeling better?“ Seokjin was smiling just a little bit. He was exhausted too.
“I do, yeah.“
“Come here.“
They turned so Jungkook's back was pressed to Seokjin's chest, Seokjin's arms around him, hugging him close.
“Oh, Jungkookie,“ Seokjin sighed after a long stretch of silence. Jungkook'd thought he had fallen asleep “What can we do with you?“
“I'm sorry.“ He answered sheepishly.
“No, you don't need to apologise. I just mean – What do we do? Like, in the future. How do we handle this?“
Seokjin took Jungkook's hand in his, squeezing it. Jungkook frowned slightly.
“'We'. As if you should even have to worry about this. As if this isn't just my problem that I need to get a grip on like an adult-“
“How can you talk like that? Of course this is my problem, too. We promised to take care of each other, didn't we?“ Seokjin played with the ring on Jungkook's finger, as if for emphasis. The light from the lamp on their bedside table softly reflected in the metal. “We promised to stick together 'in illness and in health', isn't that right?“
“But this is not-“
“Remember when I ate the bibimbap from that street corner and threw up all night? You were there for me then, too.“
“That's completely different. You were sick.“
“So? My stomach was sick, yes. Your brain is an organ too. It can get sick just the same. I read about it. And Namjoonie told me, he knows this stuff.“
Seokjin was talking softly into Jungkook's hair, the warm air tickling him. It felt nice.
“Of course he does.“ Jungkook huffed quietly.
“I'm serious. We can still take you to a doctor if you change your mind-“
“I don't like doctors.“
“I know, I know. But they might be able to help you.“
Jungkook wanted to disagree. Wanted to keep saying “No, I don't want to“, but reflecting on today's events - and those of the past few months, really - he realises he could really use some help. Some proper help, someone who's meant to do it. Of course Seokjin was supportive and stabilising, but he has his own things to worry about. Jungkook shouldn't lean his entire mental health onto Seokjin like that. It's not fair to expect that from someone.
“Will you come with me?“ he finally said.
Seokjin smiled “Of course.“